HIGH ON LIFE  5:11 pm October 31, 2011

Rick Perry Looks A Little Too Thrilled In Latest Campaign Ad (VIDEO)

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Here is comical sleazeball Rick Perry’s latest Iowa campaign ad, in which Rick Perry takes up thirty seconds of your life to talk into the camera and explain without any hint of irony that he is “not a talker” as some happy frolicking elf music plays in the background. Will America finally fall in love with Rick Perry the Elf Queen?

Say goodbye to the horrifying darkness of those apocalyptic zombie movie trailer ads Rick Perry was running just last month. He is all smiles now (even though he is still empty inside)! This is his “grand plan,” just doing the exact opposite of whatever he was doing before, to try to win back voters who have come to hate him so much that he is losing to Herman Cain even in his own state.

From the Texas Tribune:

Gov. Rick Perry is statistically tied with businessman Herman Cain among Republican presidential primary voters in his home state of Texas, with the rest of the GOP candidates well behind the leaders, according to the new University of Texas/Texas Tribune poll.

Cain got 27 percent to Perry’s 26 percent among Texas registered voters who identify themselves as Republicans.

And now a Wonkette poll: does Rick Perry look “more” or “a lot more” hopped up on some delightful Bud Light-amphetamine cocktail in this campaign ad than in this drunk New Hampshire speech? [YouTube/Texas Tribune]

 
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{ 217 comments }

nounverb911 October 31, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Looks like Marcus is giving Perry a little reacharound action there.

Barb October 31, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Seems that Rick heard that Kim Kardashian filed for divorce after two months of marriage and thinks he has a shot with her. He'll be the only man in Texas with a gal who has a ten-gallon thong.

SexySmurf October 31, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Kim Kardashian's fairy-tale marriage is over!?! It seems like just yesterday I watch a rerun of her $10 million dollar wedding on E! How will I ever believe in love again?!?

Barb October 31, 2011 at 5:18 pm

You'll believe in love again if someone buys that 25 carat, 2 million dollar engagement ring off of her and gives it to you. Dang thing is barely worn.

SexySmurf October 31, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Yesterday I watch a rerun? I too sad to use proper grammar.

nounverb911 October 31, 2011 at 5:17 pm

All thong, no cattle?

Not_So_Much October 31, 2011 at 5:40 pm

No, there's plenty of bovine in that family.

ShaveTheWhales October 31, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Udder libel!!!!

DustBowlBlues October 31, 2011 at 5:38 pm

I may be the hokey Xian around here, but I can be proud of the fact that I have no idea who any of the Kardashians are and why Chelsea Handler is always making fun of them.

LetUsBray October 31, 2011 at 5:47 pm

I think they were one of the villains on Star Trek, especially Deep Space 9.

Lascauxcaveman October 31, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Kardashians? Maybe that was Sex Trek: Deep Throat 9.

Andrew Drinker November 1, 2011 at 11:38 am

Is that the official Movie of the Week at the Georgia Militia?

Tundra Grifter October 31, 2011 at 5:58 pm

If lovin' her is thong…

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 6:26 pm

… I don't wanna be far right?

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Please. He's wrangling for some Rob Kardashian action.

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 7:04 am

Ahem. I reckon you are not familiar with Alexis Texas.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 3, 2011 at 11:15 am

All my Alexis are in Texas.

hagajim October 31, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Rick isn't empty inside…he has a huge dildo in there….or maybe even dildii.

ChessieNefercat October 31, 2011 at 6:50 pm

So that's the plural of dildo!

Not that I have ever needed to know.

hagajim October 31, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Rick Perry loves Four Loko!!!

RadioOcupados October 31, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Needs moar thumbs up.

Isyaignert October 31, 2011 at 8:01 pm

and cowbell.

memzilla October 31, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Using the "dot org" suffix (which is supposed to denote a non-profit organization) = DOMAIN LIBEL.

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Amen.

Callyson October 31, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Lulz, as if *any* of these Reeps' campaigns are not for profit…

OccupyFnChicken October 31, 2011 at 5:16 pm

"I'm an evildoer."

Fixed.

justkillmenow October 31, 2011 at 5:23 pm

I always thought that was spelled Evil Dewars.

nounverb911 October 31, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Dewar's on the rocks?

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 5:44 pm

on the rocks or neat with a splash is okay. Straight up is evil.

justkillmenow October 31, 2011 at 5:49 pm

I think Perry is swiggin' it straight from the bottle.

flamingpdog October 31, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Ricky on the rocks? Facedown, at the base of a 100-foot-high, beachfront cliff?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 10:02 pm

"With a splash" indeed.

Neoyorquino October 31, 2011 at 6:04 pm

"I'm an doo-doo-er."

ProudLibunatic October 31, 2011 at 6:29 pm

I'm having horrific, "I'm the decider!" flashbacks.

BigDumbRedDog October 31, 2011 at 5:17 pm

That purple shirt is bringing out his red devil eyes.

weejee October 31, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Kalle fucking Blomkvist Tom fucking Terrific Rickie pitiful Perry

AlterNewt October 31, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Well, hell. There's just a whole shitload of Rick Perrys, aren't there?

ChessieNefercat October 31, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Yes, and they are all dootyheads.

EatsBabyDingos October 31, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Doo-doer.

Schmannnity October 31, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Also not a thinker or reader.

RadioOcupados October 31, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Or a smoker (well cigarettes at least) or a election law violator (yet).

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 5:29 pm

1. He's smoking the pole.

2. Just you wait.

grex1949 October 31, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Right. Wait 'til he snares the nomination. Don't think there aren't people out there, digging around in his closet looking for skeletons. Keep your powder dry until it's time to engage the enemy, then let 'em have it with both barrels. Maybe the Dems are learning from Rove University of Political Campaigning after all.

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 5:46 pm

one man's election law violation is another man's just another day in texas

Not_So_Much October 31, 2011 at 5:41 pm

But if you want to stuff some cash in his g-string, he's definitely a taker.

Nostrildamus October 31, 2011 at 5:44 pm

He's a sinker not a floater.

Rotundo_ October 31, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Being denser than most folks will do that.

DahBoner November 1, 2011 at 9:59 am

Nah, shit floats…

ProudLibunatic October 31, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Just as long as he's not (another) "decider."
Gawd, I hate Texas!

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Okay, what is with that mincing background music? Protip Rick: Less Boccherini, more Capital City Men's Chorus.

GregComlish October 31, 2011 at 5:19 pm

I'm a sucker, not a talker.

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Rumor has it that Rick's also a grow-er, not a show-er.

chascates October 31, 2011 at 5:20 pm

"I'm high all right…but not on false drugs. I'm high on the real thing — powerful gasoline, a clean windshield, and a shoeshine."

DustBowlBlues October 31, 2011 at 5:43 pm

??? Reality Theater, but I can't remember the exact name.

chascates October 31, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Firesign Theater: Don't Crush that Dwarf, Hand me the Pliers

Part 1 here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGTY_jTZ-Zo

memzilla October 31, 2011 at 5:46 pm

But Mudhead! Your avatar means you grajiated from Commie Martyrs High School!

OccupytheDashboard October 31, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Win!

Barrelhse October 31, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Shoes for Industry!!!

GunToting[Redacted] October 31, 2011 at 5:20 pm

TELEPROMPTER!!! HO ho ho ho ho HO HO HO HO ho ho ho !!!!!

Oh, MERCY.

Lucidamente1 October 31, 2011 at 5:26 pm

One of which he is fucking reading during the ad.

Kidneys4Sale October 31, 2011 at 5:40 pm

If one of the shat-upon interns could get us a side view of that, I would be appreciative. Or even the B-reel where he's likely bitching about how fast the little words on the screen doo-hickey move.

SayItWithWookies October 31, 2011 at 5:41 pm

That little chestnut is just as funny the four-millionth time as it was the first. Texans must like their jokes like they like their roads — narrow, neglected, and with an end you can see for hours in advance before you get there.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Probably intended to deflect the observation that Perry suffers brain freeze whenever he attempts to go off-script. He's "not a talker" because he can't think fast enough to keep up with a Texas drawl.

Sorry, Ricky, but it has nothing to do with teleprompters. In the unlikely event you ever had to go one-on-one with Obama, you'd come off looking not just dumb, but severely re†arded.

GregComlish October 31, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Got to disagree. It's going to magic underpants all the way.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 6:36 pm

You're right, but Perry still KNOWS it's coming to him. The same way Dumbya KNEW Saddam had those WMDs. The same way they both know that everyone they ever executed was guilty. It's a Texas thing: "Just 'cause somethin' ain't real, that don't mean a feller can't know it."

Here's another "Texas truth": "In Texas, we created 40 million jobs." Talk about creationist bullshit… he swiped the jobs from other states by kissing corporate ass with low taxes, cheap labor, and near-zero benefits. (Of course, if the corporations look further south, he yammers about how cheap Mexican labor is ruining the economy.) What a Texas-sized steaming heap of manure.

fuflans October 31, 2011 at 11:27 pm

yup. though i will say demonicrage: from your mouth to god's ear.

and to think i was worried about him 5 weeks ago.

ProgressiveInga October 31, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Rick Perry needs to back off the maple syrup!

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Or dive headfirst into a vat of CoverGirl. Dang, girl, those wrinkles aren't going to hide themselves!

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Z-snap Libel!

flamingpdog October 31, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Makes for tasty santorum, though!
So I'm told.

OneDollarJuana October 31, 2011 at 5:22 pm

"I'm a doer, not a talker". What an idiot. That's what a President does, is talk. And listen, too, but I'll betcha my last dollar Perry isn't real good at listening, especially if he doesn't think he's gonna like what's being said.

edgydrifter October 31, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Exactly. Considering he's dressed, coiffed and made-up to be a 21st century Reagan, you'd think Perry would appreciate the value of speaking. Reagan said "tear down this wall." He didn't go rip the fucker down with a jackhammer himself.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 31, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Please, Perry is just gonna piss on that wall and it'll dissolve! A wink and crooked smile later Communism will be daid. Now where IS that danged wall? YEE-HAAAA!

Indiepalin October 31, 2011 at 5:23 pm

If the Perry campaign really wants to gain traction, they should claim responsiblity for planting the Politico story yesterday.

littlebigdaddy October 31, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Thrilled? Maybe. Fabulous? Absolutely!

coolhandnuke October 31, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Must have purchased that swell purple shirt in Paris, Texas.

Tundra Grifter October 31, 2011 at 5:59 pm

CHN:

Or in Frisco.

grex1949 October 31, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Wait a minute. I like that shirt. Do they sell it in the men's department?

widestanceshakedown October 31, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Not like the leader of the free world would be expected to talk to foreign dignitaries, so, if elected, we can expect him to just do them? FTW?

Kidneys4Sale October 31, 2011 at 5:41 pm

We could call him 'Amarillo Bottom.'

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 9:01 pm

I read that as Armadillo Bottom. For some reason.

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 9:39 pm

So did I.

widestanceshakedown November 1, 2011 at 10:46 am

That's Perry's Manhunt name.

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:15 pm

He'll just do what Dubya did.

Remember when they asked Dubya to name a few world leaders?

widestanceshakedown November 1, 2011 at 10:48 am

Who is this Dubya you speak of? I have to ask, since Conservapedia lists no one by that name.

GuanoFaucet October 31, 2011 at 5:25 pm

The lifeless doll eyes really are the most disturbing part of that whole awful video.

Lucidamente1 October 31, 2011 at 5:25 pm

"And I ain't never harassed no womenfolk because . . . "

nounverb911 October 31, 2011 at 5:28 pm

"I'm havin too much fun executin the poor…"

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:15 pm

"…I was too busy harrassing the menfolk."

CliveWarren October 31, 2011 at 5:25 pm

"Will America finally fall in love with Rick Perry the Elf Queen? "

When the fuck did Perry get fay-married to Dennis Kucinich?

flamingpdog October 31, 2011 at 5:33 pm

The unicorn is gonna pop outta his forehead any day now.

Eve8Apples October 31, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Well, then get your ass back to Texas and do something instead of yammerin' on T.V.

ThundercatHo October 31, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Needs moar orcs.

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 5:29 pm

A lavender shirt? And is that concealer I see, under your eyes? Rick, is you a homo?

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 5:37 pm

There's not enough concealer in the world to cover those stretch marks around his mouth.

Sharkey October 31, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Once upon a time, the "Fred Flintstone look" had some appeal.

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Ouch!

Barrelhse October 31, 2011 at 7:05 pm

The zipper burns don't help his looks, either.

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Yeah, the shirt! Oy vey!

True personal story time: My dad is gay. Like gay, gay, gay. So a while back he put together a sort of family album/scrapbook (yes, he's the official family scrapbooker – GAY) and gave copies to everyone. There's a lovely photo of him and his four younger brothers; I'm not sure exactly how old he is, probably about 10? The photo is from the '50s, and in black and white, so what color the shirt is is lost to the ages, but nonetheless:

There are five little boys, four of them dressed in typical little kid farm gear (stripey shirts, overalls), and my dad, beaming, in a shiny, button-down shirt. Even through the black and white photo and the oldness of it, the satin sheen of this shirt shines through. Just looking at this photo, the first thought one has is, "GAY."

ProgressiveInga October 31, 2011 at 5:44 pm

I love this post and your gay, gay gay Dad! ♥

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Aw, that's sweet! My Dad loved to dress up in women's clothing, any chance he could , any costume party my 6″3″ 210 lb Daddy would be wearing some fin de siecle , gay 90s number.

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 5:51 pm

That sounds like a sight to behold. :)

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Fabulous! However, as he was my sole parent, as a 13 year-old it was so embarrassing.

memzilla October 31, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Your dad was Roger De Bris? Cool!

flamingpdog October 31, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Perry's finally getting the born-again Jesusite look in his eyes and sweet smile down pat. Feller needs to head back to Iowa and win that first primary in the religious nutcase state.

Nice lavendar shirt there too, Ricky. How much more ghey can you get, dude?

SayItWithWookies October 31, 2011 at 5:30 pm

If Rick Perry was as bad a doer as he is a talker, his state would be in a fiscal crisis, suffer from rampant unemployment, be on fire, and have created the largest slew of subpar wage jobs without insurance or promise of advancement in the last two years. But then he never said he was good at it.

nounverb911 October 31, 2011 at 5:31 pm

"We cut a record $15 billion from our budget…."
We abolished education on all levels.

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 5:35 pm

No firefighters neither.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 7:11 pm

To be fair, he didn't need them, what with all the FEDERAL firefighing assistance he got (from that dadgum big gummint that he also wants to paralyze.)

GunToting[Redacted] October 31, 2011 at 5:37 pm

And, from the look of it, firefighting.

DustBowlBlues October 31, 2011 at 5:52 pm

And sent an intern out the back door to stand on the porch and wait for the delivery person to drop off that $20 billion Recovery Act check to balance the books.

I so enjoy hating everything Texan. Where else would they brag about an epic defeat? Someone said the difference in our two state is that "Texans lost a battle, and they never stop bragging about it. 40,000 okies were blown away in a cloud of dust, and Oklahomans have never quit apologizing for it."

Not entirely clear what that means, but it sounds deep, doesn't it?

Chichikovovich October 31, 2011 at 6:18 pm

The one thing that's a shame about Big 12 reorganization is that we'll have to do without the annual (well, nearly so) Red River Beatdown that Oklahoma hands Texas.

Nostrildamus October 31, 2011 at 5:31 pm

How can people take you seriously when you can't even stand up straight? Honest, Rick, that slouch and smirk were – maybe – cool in high-school, but these days they just make you look like a juvenile delinquent.

Kidneys4Sale October 31, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Also, George W Bush.

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 5:31 pm

OT but words fucking fail me on this one…
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/10/31/virginia-go

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Reap what you fucking sow, GOP. Reap. what. you. sow.

flamingpdog October 31, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Pity poor Barry if he ever got zombified and dropped off in Loudon County. Guy could starve to death.

Chichikovovich October 31, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Those are actually benchmarks so as to complete a land survey of the President's forehead.

ProgressiveInga October 31, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Don't retreat from zombies, RELOAD!

DustBowlBlues October 31, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Christ almighty, but the modern day Repugnant Party is hideous. We had lunch after church yesterday with a friend who calls himself an Independent now and his Republican lady friend. Faux News was playing on a teevee screen the place uses for football games and the like. Fortunately, it was on mute. Rick Perry came on and someone muttered, "He's so smart" then the lady said she was warming to Cain, but would vote for Mittens or anyone who could beat Obama.

How can anyone with half a brain identify with that bunch of mean, lying crazies? My daughter who moved from Seattle to Tulsa said that one of her early mistakes was assuming, because a person sounded intelligent, that they were liberals. :-)

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 7:14 pm

But there is humour to be found, I found a list of the people responsible , the Loudon GOP, and look at the name of the secretary..Ginger Gash Secretary secretary@loudoungop.com

Blueb4sunrise October 31, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Gyda!!!!!!!!!!

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Wait. That's Jim Newell's pseudonym! Could it be that Jim is going deep cover?

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 31, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Ha, she's a punchline on many levels!

grex1949 October 31, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Now, there's a porn star name, if ever I have seen one.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Sweet frozen-Jeebus-on-a-stick: Ginger Gash and her "Truckload of Republican candy".

Where do you even start with material like this?

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Isn't it an astounding name?

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 1:20 am

I don't know why these miserable bastards can't go 24 hours without wishing death and suffering on that poor man.

Sharkey October 31, 2011 at 5:34 pm

He's the Doer of Perception.

DahBoner November 1, 2011 at 9:57 am

Except he not Lizard, more like a Possum…

Come here a minute October 31, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Oh Kirsten, you're just like Chilly, the elf who cannot love.

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 31, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Definitely "A lot more." Or at least he altered the ratios of Bud Light/Meth.

FWIW, he totally looks like a smoker, with the leathery face, crows feet and big black pores. But maybe I'm just projecting.

proudgrampa October 31, 2011 at 5:38 pm

This damn presidential campaign is the new archetype for the proverb: "Familiarity breeds contempt."

SudsMcKenzie October 31, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Hmmm, I've never really seen him sober before.

Mumbletypeg October 31, 2011 at 5:41 pm

His forced smile is what I imagine they mean when "they" = smarmy telemarketing supervisors requiring you to "SMILE" while you, the lowly telemunky, bark into the phone at the total strangers you've auto-dialed up to pitch life insurance or whatnot. The old "folks can hear the smile in your voice" adage that makes you want to wrap their helpful example-smiles around a fistful of rancid meat oreos.

Chichikovovich October 31, 2011 at 5:43 pm

"I'm a doer not a talker"???? No wonder Herman "I'm a leader not a reader" Cain is eating him for lunch. You've got to rhyme, man. Like: "I'm a doer not an internal revenooer", or "I'm a doer, not a Hee-Haw viewer", or "I'm a doer, not a taking my kids to see the orangutans and three-toed sloths at the zoo – er".

OK, Perry people. I'll give you this 100% pure, Rove-quality campaign advice for free. But the next one will cost you.

natoslug October 31, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Who cares if he's a doer or a talker? What we really want to know is whether he's a drinker or a stinker.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 9:21 pm

He is.

schvitzatura November 1, 2011 at 3:44 am

Moar onomatopoeia, to match the bubble quotes one can imagine floating above Goodhair's noggin…

el_donaldo October 31, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Cowboy, elf queen … What's next? Sassy hair dresser, or leather daddy?

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Yes.

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Oh, come on: "All of 'em, Katie"!!!!

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Sir! I will have you know that I was saving that for Notrildamus's "moaner or screamer" comment! Sir!

Come here a minute October 31, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Perry's still got the firefighter, the cop, and the indian chief.

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:23 pm

You missed "bossy Southwest Airline flight attendent."

kissawookiee October 31, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Oh, the teleprompter joke never gets old. Shall I assume, then, that Rick-the-Doer was reciting that entire thirty seconds from memory? Or was he just reading from a script that was painted on a large rock, allegedly?

Guppy October 31, 2011 at 5:44 pm

He's a decider.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 9:49 pm

As in, his grades were on the D side.

DahBoner November 1, 2011 at 9:58 am

He doesn't let what happens on Monday, get in the way of his decisions he made on Sunday….

Negropolis November 1, 2011 at 10:15 pm

He didn't decide this. Baby, he was born this way.

coolhandnuke October 31, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Hopped up on Mountain Do.

Schmannnity October 31, 2011 at 5:47 pm

At least Bush claimed he was a decider, which at least implied thought. Pecos Perry just does.

flamingpdog October 31, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Pleaze, Wonkette, no more Ricky videos for a while, OK? Haven't we suffered enough aggieny already these last few days?

OccupytheDashboard October 31, 2011 at 6:02 pm

I saw what you did there.

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 6:04 pm

*groans, flings stale candy corn at you*

flamingpdog October 31, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Mmmmm, stale candy corrrrrrn.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Must have fallen off that Republican truckload.

MissTaken October 31, 2011 at 5:54 pm

I'm pleased as punch that Rick has finally embraced his inner Double Rainbow Guy

meatlofer October 31, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Must be nice haveing a Platinum Bushing for an asshole!

Rotundo_ October 31, 2011 at 7:01 pm

What? did someone's cock ring get stuck?

OccupytheDashboard October 31, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Ugh…Rick roll fail.

iburl October 31, 2011 at 5:59 pm

"We cut 15 billion dollars from the gubbermint"

Y'all didn't want public education or firefighting did ya?

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 6:32 pm

In 2 years the next gubbermint has to pay an extra 15 billion.

OccupytheDashboard October 31, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Hold on a second…a white conservative Texas governor is tied with a black conservative…in Texas?!

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Yeah, usually they're tied to a truck!

What, too soon?

Chet Kincaid October 31, 2011 at 6:01 pm

"Ahm-own do 'er, not talk to 'er!"

Chet Kincaid October 31, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Needs to turn down the levels on the Coldplay String Orchestra.

schvitzatura November 1, 2011 at 3:51 am

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing (inside Perry's melon)…

El Pinche October 31, 2011 at 6:06 pm

"I'm doer not a talker"…is that like a decider but with more hairspray? Good fucking god. It's 2000 all over again. All we need now is shitty ass Limp Bizkit and Ally McBeal.

OneYieldRegular October 31, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Carleton Sheets, Dave del Dotto, Rick Perry – I mean, shouldn't this guy be selling get-rich-quick real estate schemes on late night TV?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 8:38 pm

He's too smarmy for that … who would buy? It's politics or nothing for this clown.

Redhead October 31, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Obama's teleprompter destroyed the economy?

How did it manage to do that before Obamer was even elected? OMG magic!!!!

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Looking forward to the last movie when the magic underwear fights an epic battle with the magic teleprompter.

Blueb4sunrise October 31, 2011 at 6:12 pm

He physically resembles Bush more every day. (I watched without volume)

Also, whoever was operating that camera also has the yips.

carlgt1 October 31, 2011 at 6:27 pm

when he lingers on the word "they" – you know it's code for "niggerheads".

On another note – I guess Molly Ivins must be spinning in her grave to get out and lambaste these idiots (esp Perry of course).

VinnyThePooh October 31, 2011 at 6:29 pm

You're not much of a looker either, Ricky.

Chichikovovich October 31, 2011 at 6:31 pm

At first I thought "ah, the teleprompter joke", how *original*. But then I realized that what Perry actually said was not "uses a teleprompter", but rather "has great teleprompter skills". And since Perry also uses a teleprompter when he speaks, the implied contrast is:

"Would you rather have for president a guy who can make a speech on a teleprompter sound compelling and powerful, or would you rather have a marblemouthed dolt who can have every last aspect of his speech – including pauses and emphases – spelled out right in front of him on a transparent screen but will even with that assistance come out sounding like someone slipped the worlds first talking chimpanzee a whole bottle of banana brandy."

With that understood, the Perry campaign really is offering a starkly honest choice, and they should be commended for it.

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Where can I get some of this delicious banana brandy?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 8:42 pm

That was my first thought — it sounds yummy.

I'm going to invent a new cocktail with it: the Banana Foster Brooks.

owhatever October 31, 2011 at 6:34 pm

And because of my hard work and leadership, Texas is headed for a mega-shitstorm.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Texas-sized.

PhilippePetain October 31, 2011 at 6:46 pm

"Look. I'm a dumbfuck. If you and me and all the other dumbfucks can just get together and blather loud enough and long enough, we can lick every last bit of that outdated smart stuff that's left in warshinton. So please, put your mark on the voter registration form, and if you don't in fact know how to make an 'X' please have someone nearby who can help you."

^Surefire winner Rick. You can pay me when you get to the White House.

RadioOcupados October 31, 2011 at 6:53 pm

I wonder if in the not too distant future some smart anthropologist will analyze at these pitiful videos and get a Nobel Prize or something.

flamingpdog October 31, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Why do you hate smart anthropologists?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 8:46 pm

I don't know about the Nobels, but if Carl Hiaasen ever turns his attention to Texas, he could earn a Pullitzer.

Rotundo_ October 31, 2011 at 7:09 pm

What I am interested in knowing, is this: If Rove and the Bush faction hate this man as sincerely as they do, when does the rat fucking begin? I would have thought that Karl and his crew would have put the screws to someone out there to either out this guy or to roll on some sort of corruption investigation to pull him down. It seemed he was doing a good enough job of self sabotage at every debate, but the money keeps rolling in for him. There should be some marvelous rat fucking (to go with Cain's dose) headed Ricky's way if Rove's patterns and reputation hold. I just want to see what they do to torpedo Ricky.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 8:49 pm

He's doing a fine job of fucking up all by hisself — look at the poll numbers. Herman Cain is the one with the threatening numbers, and he's the one who just got Roved.

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:29 pm

You don't want to take him out, too early. You let him mess with Romney some more to thicken his already thick skin (Romeny is not anything if not doggedly persistent), and then you take him out.

NellCote71 November 1, 2011 at 11:13 am

All of the above are so right on the Rove thing. Unfortunately the Cain bomb dropped the same time as the Perry speech in New Hampshire, and the media are going with the Cain story. But all the Obama campaign has to do is play a few clips from the Perry speech. No other script, just the clips. I have never seen anything this bizarre in my six decades on this earth, most of which have been as a yellow-dog Democrat.

weejee October 31, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Since the Rethugs are so in love with hijacking oldies for commercials without getting permission/paying royalties (e.g., Barracuda © for Mooselini), maybe Rickie's shirt gives a clue for his…

♪♫ Purple shirt upon my frame
Lately things don't seem the same
Acting funny, but I don't know why
'Scuse me while I kiss this guy

Purple dazed all around
Don't know if I'm cummin' or up-side-down
Lindsey's ham biscuits all around
Whatever it is, that Graham's put a spell on me ♫♪

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 31, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Okay, my last comment about the purple shirt: Do that make that shirt in a men's style?
Thank you!

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 31, 2011 at 7:22 pm

I'll give them this much, they've created a pretty sweet alternate universe where none of their actions have ever had negative consequences. Not to say they ever play the victim card either, because that's strictly a librul/socialist/muslin/satanic thing.

Dok-cupy Everything October 31, 2011 at 7:41 pm

RICKERHEAD

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 8:35 pm

I wish for a Perry nomination almost as much as I wish for Cain. I picture the debate with Obama, where Perry blathers on about all the miracles he's wrought in Texas with budget cuts and tax cuts, and Obama just lets him have all the rope he wants. Then Obama recites Texas' rank (47, 48th, 49th, 50th) in per capita income, education, SAT scores, health, and a dozen other measures of citizen welfare. "That's Rick Perry's Texas, and that's Rick Perry's vision for America. If that's what you want for your kids, go ahead and vote Republican."

(I'm making the optimistic assumption that the dumbfuck demographic, who do want exactly that, is still a minority.)

grex1949 October 31, 2011 at 9:21 pm

But Number One in executions! He's got that going for him.

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:26 pm

"That's Rick Perry's Texas, and that's Rick Perry's vision for America. If that's what you want for your kids, go ahead and vote Republican."

And then he totally drops the mic, and walks off stage to thunderous applause.

ttommyunger October 31, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Still expecting a Perry/Palin ticket to be announced any day now. That would suck all the air out of the Repug. race.

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Me Tarzan. You Jane. Me love you long time.

OKthennext October 31, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Waiter, I'll have what he's on.

comrad_darkness November 1, 2011 at 8:27 am

I continue to be stunned and amazed that the cloning of George W Bush went this badly.

LiveToServeYa November 1, 2011 at 8:53 am

At last, somebody less eloquent than George Bush.

tcaalaw November 1, 2011 at 9:03 am

Is it my monitor or is he wearing a lavender shirt in that ad?

arihaya November 1, 2011 at 9:55 am

Herb Cain can become nominee the same way Michael Steele became RNC chairman: to prove that they "are not racist"

gurukalehuru November 1, 2011 at 10:02 am

O.K., so he's a birther and carries on the teleprompter jokes. These are just funnin, you see.

DemonicRage November 1, 2011 at 11:12 am

I deleted my own comment by mistake, trying to click on replies and read them. I had said that Perry knows that the nomination is now his to lose. No one in the Republican Party likes Mitt Romney, and that racist party will never nominate Herman Cain (whose balloon seems to be deflating, even as I type these words).

BZ1 November 1, 2011 at 11:17 am

A doer in the headlights?

Allmighty_Manos November 1, 2011 at 1:37 pm

"Are you looking for a guy who understands basic economic and foreign policy or who at least reads a daily newspaper. We already have that."

Troglodeity November 1, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Hey Rick, 1978 called. It wants its shirt back.

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 5:58 pm

I have photos of him, with his best friend, dressed as Gert and Daisy.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gert_and_Daisy

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Try having a gay dad 24/7. But then, everything is embarrassing to a 13-year-old, n-est ce pas?

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Oui, bien sur.

ChessieNefercat October 31, 2011 at 6:56 pm

A parent, period, is embarrassing to a 13 year old. None of the other kids have them!

ProudLibunatic October 31, 2011 at 6:42 pm

But that is an English thing, right? I've never seen a place where the men LOVE dressing in women's clothes so much!

OT
What a shame that poor ol' Jimmy Savile is gone! I loved him on Top of the Pops back in the day.

ShaveTheWhales October 31, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Perhaps if we make fun of it, she'll grow tired of it and change her name to Ginger Fachina

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Just call hersellf Carrot-coloured Cunt and have done with it.

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 7:01 am

Pumpkin Puss.

Limeylizzie November 1, 2011 at 7:19 am

Squash Snatch

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