THE KNOW-NOTHINGS  2:30 pm October 31, 2011

Herman Cain Also Horrible For Taking Tons of Illegal Campaign Cash

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Cancer for sale!Sorry, friends, the Internet is cold binging on reports of Herman Cain’s rank corrupt awfulness today, including this one that probably would have been higher up the list if it weren’t for the fact that it lacks TEH SEXXX but is no less terrible: Herman Cain’s cancer shilling goon squad captain Mark Block started a short-lived shell corporation “Prosperity USA” to funnel $40,000 to Cain’s campaign early this year for fancy pants iPads and private jet trips, which the campaign then promptly “forgot” to report to the FEC, because it’s crazy illegal. Given how monumentally difficult it is to violate post-Citizens United federal election laws permitting unlimited corporate donations these days, it’s pretty top-notch stupidity!

Here’s the thing about Mark Block: he’s a serially corrupt Kochsucker virus who was banned from Wisconsin politics for election fraud, which in America means “promote him, immediately” to running a presidential campaign famous only for being entertaining in its ridiculousness. But who knows why Mark Block thought “no one would notice” if he just started making things up about the monies? It’s probably a common confusion for a two-bit political operative clown who just knows that shadowy corporate dollar$ go invisible after your candidate gets elected but is not smart enough to realize how the timeline works.

The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports:

It is not known if Cain’s election fund eventually paid back Prosperity USA, which now appears defunct. The candidate’s federal election filings make no mention of the debt, and the figures in the documents don’t match payments made by the candidate’s campaign.

Election law experts say the transactions raise a host of questions for the private organization, which billed itself as a tax-exempt nonprofit, and the Cain team.

“If the records accurately reflect what occurred, this is way out of bounds,” said a Washington, D.C.-based election lawyer who advises many Republican candidates and conservative groups on campaign issues. The lawyer asked not to be identified because of those affiliations.

Herman Cain’s response to all of this was a standard “I have no clue about anything,” like a full-blooded American. Herman Cain/Ignorance 2012! [Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel via TPM]

 
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{ 207 comments }

El Pinche October 31, 2011 at 2:33 pm

MOAR SMEER LIBRUL TAKTICS!!

mausgeo October 31, 2011 at 2:35 pm

But isn't every good pizza joint run by cash on the side?

nounverb911 October 31, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Only the ones run by the Genco Pura Olive Oil Importers.

Toomush_Infer October 31, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Why do you think they call it Godfathers….?

Lascauxcaveman October 31, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Excuse me? Every *good* pizza joint?

You know of any *good* pizza joints this guy is connected with?

SorosBot October 31, 2011 at 3:26 pm

And anyway, that's not true; the good pizza joints are usually legit, it's the bad ones that are fronts, the places that stay open year after year with almost no customers as they make sure the owners' cash is neat and sparkly clean.

Nostrildamus October 31, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Cain's campaign needs some fresh blood. I understand Bristol's available.

Arken October 31, 2011 at 2:37 pm

There has got to be a better way to sell books.

nounverb911 October 31, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Just ask Bristol.

Chet Kincaid October 31, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Hard ass-working?

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Dance your way into America's heart?

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:35 pm

I think you meant "lap" instead of "heart".

Tundra Grifter October 31, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Too much time cookin' the books and not enuf sellin' 'em.

fartknocker October 31, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Rick Perry is rooting-tooting, gun shooting pleased. (Coyotes, be forewarned).

nounverb911 October 31, 2011 at 2:38 pm

IOKIYAHC?

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 31, 2011 at 2:51 pm

LHCBHC!

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 3:12 pm

If I wanted to see stuff that made no sense, I'd watch the Perry video again.

memzilla October 31, 2011 at 2:38 pm

New SCOTUS ruling, making this kind of contribution legal retroactively, in 7… 6… 5…

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Clarence Thomas approves this message.

comrad_darkness October 31, 2011 at 11:15 pm

By a 5-4 vote.

SorosBot October 31, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Now I think a certain half-term governor taught all the other Republican grifters that election finance and spending laws are just suggestions, there's no need to follow them.

memzilla October 31, 2011 at 2:53 pm

If your only intent is to use running for political office as an excuse to grift, it doesn't matter.

Unfortunately, stocking the vacuous scribblings of Palin, Limbaugh, Coulter, O'Reilly et al. is what killed off Borders bookstores. They might have been able to survive if they had been able to afford the technology to buy bookshelves which doubled as automatic pulping machines, but they couldn't get the VC funding.

Tundra Grifter October 31, 2011 at 3:42 pm

SB:

Not really a code – more like guidelines, mostly…

Sparky_McGruff October 31, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Thanks for ruining Piper's vacation, guys.

An_Outhouse October 31, 2011 at 3:46 pm

O'Donnell is still walkin' the streets so campaign finance rules must have no real consequences.

LesBontemps October 31, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Is she walking the streets in her ladybug costume?

SorosBot October 31, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Tonight she'll be dressed up and going for another bar hookup that doesn't technically involve intercourse so she can still claim to be a virgin.

LesBontemps October 31, 2011 at 4:03 pm

I'm keeping the hell away from South Street, just to be sure.

HogeyeGrex October 31, 2011 at 3:59 pm

My first thought upon reading

“If the records accurately reflect what occurred, this is way out of bounds,”

was

And yet nobody is going to sweat a drop over it, much less be sent to the stripey hole as they ought.

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Walking? Silly, that bitch flies the friendly skies!

edgydrifter October 31, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I'm sure Mark Block fancies himself a modern Machiavelli, except he probably also thinks Machiavelli is a fancy brand of Italian lady-shoes.

horsedreamer_1 October 31, 2011 at 2:42 pm

FORZA GNOCCA!

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 2:50 pm

That made me laugh my ass off, for some reason.

GunToting[Redacted] October 31, 2011 at 2:56 pm

I think it was the "lady-shoes…"

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 3:04 pm

It was exactly that!

memzilla October 31, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Don't we have a Constitutional right to Freedom of Choos?

BaldarTFlagass October 31, 2011 at 3:26 pm

"You know, Sung Tizzoo! The Chinese Prince Matchabelli!"

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 3:33 pm
McRibzgood October 31, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Man this election cycle is just getting worse and worse for the Republicans. Shelly, Sarah, Mittins, Ricky, Ricky Tex-ass…. Maybe they should just run The Inanimate Carbon Rod.

ProudLibunatic October 31, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I think you have stumbled on their cunning plan, only Mittens IS the Inanimate Carbon Rod.

WhatTheHeck October 31, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Cain entered the race with a built-in self-destruct button that only his handlers knew about.

Someone's finger hit the button: “Self-destruct in 30 seconds.”

Mumbletypeg October 31, 2011 at 2:39 pm

♫"Here comes the story of the Herman Cain[!]" ♪

Truth be told, his song is gettin' kinda old.

prommie October 31, 2011 at 3:05 pm

The man the liberal media tried to frame
for pinching asses, he never grabbed
But one time he coulda been, the leader, of the free world

Indiepalin October 31, 2011 at 2:39 pm

And Nixon chuckles in his crypt.

Oblios_Cap October 31, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Cigarettes are expensive and the cocaine costs even more. Have you seen the size of Cain's honker?

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Has he tried to show it to you?

coolhandnuke October 31, 2011 at 2:39 pm

The Smoking Man did a Cock Block to protect Cain's money from falling in the hands of future sexually harassed campaign workers.

horsedreamer_1 October 31, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Worry not, Cain & Block — Dave Umhoefer & Tom Kertcher shall ride in to slay the Bice that defames.

#PolitiFACT

Come here a minute October 31, 2011 at 2:42 pm

The campaign finance records are all gone; Mark Block smoked them.

Toomush_Infer October 31, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Yup, it's the "Up in Smoke" campaign…

Joshua Norton October 31, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Needz moar "blame ACORN".

McRibzgood October 31, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Damn, you beat me to it.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 31, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Will a bunch of yeller flowers do?

Scottsdalian October 31, 2011 at 9:54 pm

fuckin ACORN

Monsieur_Grumpe October 31, 2011 at 2:43 pm

There is one thing you say about Herman, he knows how to stay in the news.
Bad news that is.

Tundra Grifter October 31, 2011 at 3:42 pm

MG:

If it wasn't for bad news, he wouldn't have no news at all.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 31, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Mark Block: he’s a serially corrupt Kochsucker virus who was banned from Wisconsin politics for election fraud

Clearly a liberal trick. As we all know that voter fraud only occurs when poor people or minorities vote for Democrats.

ThankYouJeebus October 31, 2011 at 2:43 pm

If you end up paying massive fines due to campaign finance fraud, blame yo-self.

cheetojeebus October 31, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Don't worry, Mark has all that petty accounting shit sorted out in his X File.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 31, 2011 at 2:44 pm

This is smart on the part of Block, as money to pay off sexual harassment claims doesn't grow on trees, you know.

McRibzgood October 31, 2011 at 2:44 pm

#notintendedtobealegalcontribution

BaldarTFlagass October 31, 2011 at 2:45 pm

"It is not known if Cain’s election fund eventually paid back Prosperity USA,"

Oooh, ooh, let me guess!

memzilla October 31, 2011 at 3:21 pm

The first rule is to not take any legal advice from campaign advisers who got their JDs from Regent's ACME™ University.

Callyson October 31, 2011 at 4:00 pm

It all depends on what your definition of "paid" is.

SayItWithWookies October 31, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Banned from Wisconsin politics for corruption? Hell, that's like getting kicked out of a free love commune for creeping out the ladies. Maybe Block should go back to being an extra from a 1970s spy movie.

Guppy October 31, 2011 at 2:46 pm

This shit is too coordinated to not be a hatchet job.

It's also too coordinated for Democrats to actually pull off.

GunToting[Redacted] October 31, 2011 at 2:58 pm

This has Mittens' hands (or is it Mitten hands?) all over it.

Toomush_Infer October 31, 2011 at 3:59 pm

ok, Mitt's mitts….someone had to…

YouBetcha October 31, 2011 at 3:07 pm

GOP couldn't run the risk of a blackie being on the ticket. It was cute for a while, but it was never meant to go this far.

Oh, no. I've said too much.

DahBoner October 31, 2011 at 3:14 pm

It was cute for a while…

BLACK PEOPLE ARE JUST LIKE KITTENZ….

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 3:44 pm

"I can haz watermelons?"

{YES I HATE MYSELF AND I APOLOGIZE}
/white liberal guilt

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:43 pm

ROTFLMAO!

Not_So_Much October 31, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Oh yeah, this is GOP efficiency for sure. Dems probably had this a while ago, but put the original through a shredder when trying to make copies.

ProudLibunatic October 31, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Rove knows his Oppo research.

OKthennext October 31, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Mittens maybe. Or turd blossom. Who's turd' working for this election cycle anyway?

ProgressiveInga October 31, 2011 at 5:15 pm

The Rovester is working for ABC.
(Anybody But Cain)

Barrelhse October 31, 2011 at 5:10 pm

The Demoncrats have been grooming him for this since his birth in Nigeria in 1960. It's all a plan to put a GOP candidate in place who will self-destruct. Very, very clever.

freakishlywrong October 31, 2011 at 2:47 pm

It appears as though this assclown's "mine-mine-mine" plan is about to hit a wall. Preferably an electrified wall.

Mumbletypeg October 31, 2011 at 2:47 pm

It is not known if Cain’s election fund eventually paid back Prosperity USA, which now appears defunct.

Defunct, you say. Probably just layin' low with the Mysterious Romney Donor Phantom that also had a penchant for vanishing into thin air.

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 2:47 pm

It's spelled Cain but it's pronounced Con.

Barrelhse October 31, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Oops- and here I've been pronouncing it as "Cram it, Bozo."
Silly me. Thanks for the heads-up!

comrad_darkness October 31, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Kahn!!!

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 11:22 pm

An alternate pronunciation is Throat Warbler Mangrove.

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 2:49 pm

how monumentally difficult it is to violate post-Citizens United federal election laws

Herman Cain: The Hardest Working Crook in America.

Oblios_Cap October 31, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Herman's staff used the money to buy lots of "Meat Lovers Specials". I'll bet they just love them some pepperonies.

iburl October 31, 2011 at 3:07 pm

rentboy.com is having a special?

PeaceWithHonor October 31, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Why? Why must our comedy presidential candidates wound themselves so viciously?

Toomush_Infer October 31, 2011 at 3:05 pm

…through endless arrow through the head wounds….

littlebigdaddy October 31, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Stealing teh moniez, hittin on da white wimmins…he's the Shaft of the GOP.

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Damn right.

DahBoner October 31, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Shut your mouth!

jus_wonderin October 31, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Tyynnnnny, tyyynnnnny, tyyynnnnny, waaaaah, waaah, wahwah,tyynnnnny, tyyynnnnny, tyyynnnnny, waaaaah, waaah, wahwah,dunah, dunah, dunah. Ryincnee, ryincnee.

Duhda, duhda, duhdak, do……..

ttommyunger October 31, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Cain and Block: the perfect salt and pepper comedy team. Cain-"I wanna fuck that one!" Block-"Out of what?" This shit writes itself. Hee, hee, I kill myself….

Barrelhse October 31, 2011 at 5:15 pm

ROTF, etc.

prommie October 31, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Well, if today's coordinated character assasination attempt doesn't work, they're just going to have to switch to plan B and use real bullets.

GunToting[Redacted] October 31, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Lee Harvey libel!

DaRooster October 31, 2011 at 2:53 pm

So his CampCain isn't completely above board?
Now what?

ManchuCandidate October 31, 2011 at 2:54 pm

The 2012 GOPer race for preznit is looking a lot like Mario Kart. As soon as one takes the lead someone shoots the blue turtle shell to take'em down.

EatsBabyDingos October 31, 2011 at 2:54 pm

I love the photo still from the ad. I put a little thought bubble over it that says "My fingers smell like someone's butthole. How mysterious."

PuckStopsHere October 31, 2011 at 2:55 pm

In an era in which effectively there are no campaign laws, leave it to a republican to find a way to violate them.

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 2:55 pm

He doesn't have to change the title of his memoir, but he will need a second edition with a new final chapter/epilogue: "After a long wait in line, I took a guided tour of the West Wing, and my road to the White House is complete."

Spurning Beer October 31, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Okay, so Herman harasses-up a couple of women, and even being the big boss couldn't erase it. Now he manages to violate even the flimsy pretext for election contribution laws in America today.

Any guesses about what stroke of criminal genius will be exposed in the next news cycle?

I'm guessing food safety violations or labeling violations. Like those meatballs on the pizzas were really horsemeat or cat.

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 3:17 pm

those meatballs on the pizzas were really horsemeat or cat.

Doubt this will cause much of a ruckus since using those ingredients would actually improve the quality of Herman's pies.

Scottsdalian October 31, 2011 at 10:12 pm

those meatballs on the pizzas were really horseshit

fixed

Lascauxcaveman October 31, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Yeah, he's kind of running out of regular crimes here. He may want to get some Batman DVDs to see what The Joker or The Penguin would do next.

pdiddycornchips October 31, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Cain will knock this shit off the news tomorrow by announcing he's engaged to Kim Kardashian.

comrad_darkness October 31, 2011 at 11:20 pm

He hasn't hit up the employing illegals angle yet. That's still open.

Schmannnity October 31, 2011 at 2:59 pm

I think I heard something about that $40,000 going to a couple of gals he groped.

Preacher_Griz October 31, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Conservative Christians voters will forgive truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain of all transgressions because he is ONE OF US and WE ARE NOT RACISTS……

However, if we catch him using a teleprompter, all bets are off.

Native_of_SL_UT October 31, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Damn, Turdblossom's been busy.

Mahousu October 31, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Almost makes me feel sorry for Cain.

Just almost, though.

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 3:01 pm

♫ Block me like a Crooked Cain ♫

SheriffRoscoe October 31, 2011 at 3:01 pm

"I can't take his money. I can't print my own money. I have to work for money. Why don't I just lay down and DIE?"

Antispandex October 31, 2011 at 3:02 pm

"Here’s the thing about Mark Block: he’s a serially corrupt Kochsucker virus who was banned from Wisconsin politics for election fraud"

Another example of the left not understanding that;
1.) Everyone does it.
2.) He's no different than the rest, he just got caught.
3.) The Lame Stream Media is making more of this than all of that stuff Barry probably, maybe, is alleged to have done.
4.) OK, sure he's is a prick…but he's THEIR prick!

YouBetcha October 31, 2011 at 3:04 pm

This is the best NEA-funded performance art EVER. Also, too.

littlebigdaddy October 31, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Needz moar religious icons in urine.

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Piss-Christ FTW.

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 3:50 pm

The very best part is the "demand" that all NEA funding be eliminating.

Even Laurie Anderson couldn't top that.

carlgt1 October 31, 2011 at 6:51 pm

surely NRA-funded?

fuflans October 31, 2011 at 3:05 pm

this is why we need to cut regulations and reduce the debt.

taxes too. also.

samsuncle October 31, 2011 at 3:05 pm

All the commenters on the winger sites are blaming Cains's sexcapades as liberal lies. Now, I guess this latest cockup will be blamed on Cain's unnamed liberal accountant.

iburl October 31, 2011 at 3:06 pm

This sucks. This was supposed to be "Rick Perry is a Moronic Coke Fiend/Drunk Gay Day".

fartknocker October 31, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Yeah I know but we still have 10 hours of Cocktober and then it's Blowvember.

littlebigdaddy October 31, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Yeah, I'm figuring the Perry sex scandal for a Blowvember type of deal. Very wide stance, too.

Toomush_Infer October 31, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Yeah, but that slow grin…..priceless….

DonnyKerabotsos October 31, 2011 at 3:10 pm

When these poor women are finally dragged into the light, I'm guessing that they turn out to be what we might politely describe as chubby.

gurukalehuru November 1, 2011 at 9:13 am

Well, I don't know about stats, but anecdotal evidence of the black guy/chubby blonde gal stereotype is not hard to find. Clarence and Ginnie Thomas spring to mind.

ShitFilledExistence October 31, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Why didn't he use a pseudonym for the creation Prosperity USA like Blark Mock or Shark Cock or something?

fuflans October 31, 2011 at 3:12 pm

apparently 9-9-9 is less a tax 'plan' and more 'number of violations'.

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Or consecutive sentences handed down by a federal judge.

Dudleydidwrong October 31, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Given that two womenfolk were involved with the charges against ol' sugarCain, I'd say he was working on making the number not 9 9 9 but 696. Does Godfather's Pissa make sandwiches?

owhatever October 31, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Karl Rove is about to leak the sensational news that Herman Cain has fathered black children.

Schmannnity October 31, 2011 at 3:15 pm

With McCain?

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Cain will deny it, and demand an apology from Romney.

comrad_darkness October 31, 2011 at 11:16 pm

I'd think he'd be more clever than that and drop the rumor that he's fathered *white* children.

DahBoner October 31, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Smoking makes you forget.

That's why French men all smoke after sex.

Because the French girls are lousy in bed and they are trying to forget…

seppdecker October 31, 2011 at 3:13 pm

By the way Bloch shakes his head and sucks on that cancer stick, I like to think that he knows he has been busted to the Siberia of the GOP. The fact that his flea-brained charge has shot to the front of the polls only makes the joke all the better, for us.

io9k9s October 31, 2011 at 3:16 pm

cain presents circular defense ("This is not an FEC violation because your facts are wrong") in 3..2..1

MissTaken October 31, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Where's the lesbian bondage club angle with this? The GOP is really slipping these days.

RadioOcupados October 31, 2011 at 3:19 pm

The liberal media is just blowing smoke.

MrFizzy October 31, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Maybe he can get Colin Powell to be his front man. That seems to make the lying go a little smoother.

Come here a minute October 31, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Less than a teaspoon of sexual harrassment allegations, a little bit, about this amount — this is just about the amount of a teaspoon — less than a teaspoon full of sexual harrassment allegations in an envelope shutdown the United States Senate in the winter of 1999.

DustBowlBlues October 31, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Only works if you have a vial of baby powder to wave around menacingly.

Fawkdifiknow October 31, 2011 at 3:24 pm

The hush money for his sexual harassment victims has to come from somewhere, so give the guy a break.

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 3:28 pm

From mincing drunk to corrupt perv in three days.

Es schwindelt!

Blueb4sunrise October 31, 2011 at 3:40 pm

My head is spinning.

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Damn you for making me click that link! Soon the Internet Stazi will come for me.

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Not Safe For Fascism.

emmelemm October 31, 2011 at 3:47 pm

"Shut this domain down! SHUT IT DOWN!"

RadioOcupados October 31, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Trotsky also quickly learned the meaning of mareado.

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 3:54 pm

More like perforado.

RadioOcupados October 31, 2011 at 4:16 pm

He did, however, have time to develop a taste for fish tacos.

ShaveTheWhales October 31, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Smells-like-fish tacos, or tastes-like-fish tacos?

Pragmatist2 October 31, 2011 at 3:31 pm

We really, really, really need for there to be a report that Mitt Romney has 4 wives. A boyfriend, too, if that's possible.

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Shit, I'd settle for a report that Rick Santorum has 4 boyfriends. And is a Santeria high priest. And performs in drag under the name "Iona Smalkok."

jus_wonderin October 31, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Using the standard Drag Queen naming convention where you use your first pets name (Iona) and your Mother's maiden name (Smalkok) we can see deeper into this decision to pick this name. And his mother is a Smalkok. From the original Smalkok stock who hail from Coudersport, PA.

tihond October 31, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Apparently when Republicans talk about bootstraps, they mean "illegal campaign contributions."

ProudLibunatic October 31, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Karl, Lee is so proud of you!
You have learned well, grasshopper!

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Now be a good boy and follow his final lesson, the one on metastasis.

LiveToServeYa October 31, 2011 at 3:38 pm

The Turds have Blossomed.

jus_wonderin October 31, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Dammit. I always miss the annual blossoming of the Turds. I hope I am not busy when they begin to turn in fascinating fall color.

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 6:47 pm

The annual fall flinging festival is not to be missed!

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 3:39 pm

So when does Moroni get his turn?

weejee October 31, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Will Moroni's boney get Mittens in trouble? Unless something drops real soon, he'll have missed this year's Cocktober surprise. But such tenth month flashes and public spankings are always more special in years that are 'evenly divisible' by four.

chascates October 31, 2011 at 3:46 pm

The right won't stand for this 'high tech lynching': http://www.mediaresearch.org/press/releases/2011/
The richest irony here is that the same media that refused to cover evidence of an alleged rape by a state Attorney General who became President now are running stories based on unnamed sources, about offenses that aren’t a fraction as grave. But one was a liberal Democrat, the other a conservative Republican — hence the double standard.

MissTaken October 31, 2011 at 3:57 pm

"In the eyes of the liberal media, Herman Cain is just another uppity black American who has had the audacity to leave the liberal plantation"

That's just precious!

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Note: Herman Cain is both the former National Chairman for the Media Research Center's Business & Media Institute, and a personal friend of Brent Bozell.

So, no conflict of interest here. Move along, nothing to see.

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 4:03 pm

"refused to cover evidence of an alleged rape"

Geez, why do they have to drag Glenn Beck into this? 1993 was a long time ago.

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Attorney General??

Referring to former governor Clinton as "a state Attorney General who became President is sort of like calling Obama, "a high school student who became President."

Negropolis October 31, 2011 at 11:57 pm

LOL! I was thinking the exact same thing. What an awkward construction.

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Tomorrow:

Inside Romney's Secret Mormon Bunga Bunga Parties!

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I'll fap to that!

Callyson October 31, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Prosperity USA also paid as much as $100,000 to the Congress of Racial Equality, a conservative black organization, shortly before Cain was a featured speaker at the group's annual Martin Luther King Jr. dinner in mid-January.
Looks like those solid business management skills are paying off…for CORE at least…

RadioOcupados October 31, 2011 at 3:58 pm

O/T, but I'm not so sure we are looking forward to the #OWS San Francisco

ProudLibunatic October 31, 2011 at 4:23 pm

What's with the hats?

RadioOcupados October 31, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Or the tatts?

proudgrampa October 31, 2011 at 4:56 pm

This gotta be a fake story. San Francisco is NEVER warm enough to go nude dining or nude anything.

Falsely attributed to Mark Twain: "The coldest winter i ever spent was summer in San Francisco."

user-of-owls October 31, 2011 at 4:00 pm

I am SO angry! This is nothing more than a high-tech reporting on egregious violations of FEC campaign filing regulations!

Not_So_Much October 31, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Meh, would $40K even cover Mark Block's cigarette bill?

crybabyboehner October 31, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Cut the guy some slack, cigarettes are ten bucks a pack these days.

chascates October 31, 2011 at 4:11 pm

And now famous civil rights advocate Rush Limbaugh weighs in:
Limbaugh pronounced himself deeply offended by the piece, saying that it trafficked in the "ugliest racial stereotypes" and was an example of deep liberal media bias.
"This is gutter partisan politics, and it's the politics of minority conservative personal destruction," he said. "…It really is about blacks and Hispanics getting too uppity."

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Like flies to shit, I always say.

BaldarTFlagass October 31, 2011 at 4:13 pm

I'd hate to have to pay the pixelation bill on that.

meatlofer October 31, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Use the old Tammy Fay line, "They just kept sending us Money,What were we supposed do?"

DahBoner October 31, 2011 at 4:23 pm

"Herman Cain claims 'witch hunt,' sings gospel song…"

Now that's just a typo.

He said BITCH HUNT, as in, I'm gonna hunt down that bitch that talked and…

The second typo was that he "sings"…

Chichikovovich October 31, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Guys, calm down. I've read the piece a couple of times and I haven't seen anything that could possibly hurt Cain with Republicans. No health insurance to poor, sick kids. No commuting to life imprisonment the sentence of a death row inmate who didn't seem obviously guilty. Never says that gays deserve the same resources to form stable loving relationships as straights do. Never says that the idea of a conspiracy to impose Sharia law on Lubbock, Texas is preposterous. Never called Rush Limbaugh a gasbag.

Just a lot of financial chicanery, evidence of corruption and harassment of women. The last Republican to bite the sand for this sort of thing was Warren G. Harding.

It's sad, but maybe we'll look back on this as the first evidence that Turdblossom has lost his fastball. He still has perfect technique, of course. (Witness releasing all this stuff on a Monday morning, unlike the Democrats, who would release it on Superbowl Sunday.) But a bit of the magic has gone….

littlebigdaddy October 31, 2011 at 5:05 pm

And doing it on Jesusween was a nice touch.

DustBowlBlues October 31, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Its All Hallow's Eve, dipshits. Am I the only Xian around here? I am? Sweet Jesus, I should have known that.

ShaveTheWhales October 31, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Hey, where ya been?

berkeleyfarm November 1, 2011 at 1:20 am

I don't know about your church, but my church doesn't keep this particular Vigil day.

(Next services – tomorrow at noon for All Saints, and a big evening bells-and-smells blowout for All Souls. The choir is singing the Faure Requiem, accompanied by a chamber orchestra.)

Now I gotta check with my RC SIL about what days she's supposed to show up at church. For the rest of you …happy half-price chocolate day tomorrow.

Tommy1733 October 31, 2011 at 4:30 pm

OK, then we have another possible culprit who may have "leaked" the sexual harassment story – Cain's team itself, who wanted to create a media distraction from the really damning news item. Just a possibility. Other possible culprits include Karl Rove (who is not backing Cain), and the possibility that the sex story is just true. We cannot really know which one is correct.

DustBowlBlues October 31, 2011 at 5:12 pm

I like the Rove theory. Reminds me of Luther Wallace in Jim Lehrer's most recent One Eyed Mack novel.

proudgrampa October 31, 2011 at 4:30 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…

DahBoner October 31, 2011 at 4:50 pm

"Why don't we care whether Jessica Simpson is pregnant?;"

Because they haven't released the conception video yet and Americans are bad at using their imaginations…

Well, duh!!!

hagajim October 31, 2011 at 4:56 pm

So is Xtine O'Donnell the campaign treasurer?

DustBowlBlues October 31, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Cain answered the charges just the way he debates: It's just mangoes and bananas. Or apricots and kiwis or crabapples and pineapples.

As an aside, Kristen, you have reached the top of the Swiss Alps in the laugh-out-loud snarky quality of your writing. The hilarity is matched only by the viciously dismissive tone you have perfected for the enjoyment of the wonkeratti.

Exhibit A: "It’s probably a common confusion for a two-bit political operative clown who just knows that shadowy corporate dollar$ go invisible after your candidate gets elected but is not smart enough to realize how the timeline works."

By the way, if you now have the phrase "mangoes and bananas" going through your head and wonder where you heard it, that must mean you're a musical theater lover. "We got mangoes and bananas we can pick right off a tree" is a line from a song in South Pacific. Wait–you're not a fan? Oh, well. As you were, wonkers.

carlgt1 October 31, 2011 at 5:23 pm

"Godfather's Pizza Drivers Carry Less Than $1 Million Cash"

also has anyone else come up with "Koch-Block provides new Cain smoking gun!"

finallyhappy October 31, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Ok, almost time for kids to ring the doorbell- I better eat a few more fun size snickers before they get them all

grex1949 October 31, 2011 at 6:40 pm

The Nightly News is all about Cain and Perry tonight. Nice to see the mainstream press paying some attention.

Redhead October 31, 2011 at 6:45 pm

So Cain has no idea how to run a campaign and apparently didn't plan to actually still be in the race at this point? Well golly gee, I had no idea.

Pres.Libunatic October 31, 2011 at 8:07 pm
donner_froh October 31, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Mark Block: he’s a serially corrupt Kochsucker virus who was banned from Wisconsin politics for election fraud,

I had no idea that Mark Block was a member of the New Black Panthers.

comrad_darkness October 31, 2011 at 11:10 pm

I can understand his confusion. Misused slush funds worked for Lieberman. You ever see him investigated?

Negropolis November 1, 2011 at 12:00 am

Needz moar ashtrays.

Limeylizzie October 31, 2011 at 3:20 pm

I wish we did.

Sparky_McGruff October 31, 2011 at 3:43 pm

RULES ARE A LIBURAL HOAX!

And what's the point of being the guy at the top if you can't take all the credit and kick all the blame down.

Chichikovovich October 31, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Cain still has more work to do before he can master the presentation that W used again and again til it was honed to perfection: "The buck stops here, and I take full responsibility. But it's all other people's fault."

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