politico is liberal now?

Angry Pizza Man Blames ‘Liberals’ For Sexual Harassment Reports

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Grrr angry pizza monster hate stoopid communist reporters from conservative news site!

Farcical egomaniac joke candidate Herman Cain and his team are trying to mop up a Gulf-sized oil spill with paper towels today after POLITICO SCOOPED THE UNIVERSE with unsurprising news that old Herm is allegedly a terrible lech who sexually harassed two female employees while serving as the head of the National Restaurant Association, by unimaginatively arguing the entire story is the fault of the “liberals.” Wrong tack, team! Creepy sexual behavior is the only thing so far that we have heard about Herman Cain that makes him seem like a legitimate politician after all. Why not try that angle?

So much for the “unorthodox campaign” idea! Here is the weak non-denial his campaign put out in a standard-issue “Herman Cain is the real victim here” statement reported by The Hill:

“Sadly, we’ve seen this movie played out before – a prominent Conservative targeted by liberals simply because they disagree with his politics.

“Mr. Cain — and all Americans, deserve better.”

Since it will be impossible to argue that it didn’t happen — the National Restaurant Association issued a five-figure payout to the two women after forcing them to sign an agreement that prohibits them from talking about it — a sane campaign manager would have just typed out the words “Bill Clinton” and fired this back to reporters with a comical sneer, but as with everything else “Herman Cain,” this is just incredibly boring and lame. [The Hill]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barb

    That's what happens when you offer a woman the sausage "on the side."
    Suck it Herman! None of us want to.

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      Cocktober goes out with a bang.
      ~

      • http://wonkette.com BelleSC

        FTW ^

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Or if you're British, a "banger"?

        • BarryOPotter

          Banger? He just Cain'd her!

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      "Suck it Herman!"

      You mean "Sucki-sucki-sucki-stan-stan"?

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    Once again, brought to you by the party of family values and personal responsibility (and the guy is a Revered, not that it makes a difference).

    Needs moar Sexual Harrasment Panda, also.

    • Not_So_Much

      'Reverend'? So altar boys were involved as well?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Republicans are basically OK with sexual harassment (see: Thomas, Clarence). It's when women consent that they get all bent ouf of shape (see: Clinton, Bill.)

    • HutchBabe

      It's not like reverends don't have needs!

  • Texan_Bulldog

    But maybe there REALLY was a pubic hair on her Coke can. Oh wait…

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Herm the Sperm.

    • http://writechic.wordpress.com/ writechic

      Spermin' Herman?

    • mourningnmerica

      The Vermin ate 'er.

  • McRibzgood

    The liberals made him do it.

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      Bitch(es) set him up!

      • Barb

        All he wanted was his wang mouthafied and they had to go and get all bitchy on him.

        • NorthStarSpanx

          The liberal college professors? After all, it is now established how they influenced a Republican gym teacher to go gay and prey on her tween students.

    • OKthennext

      baconz, is that you?

      • McRibzgood

        Yes!

        • OKthennext

          I like your Jesusween costume!

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Are you the guy on the McRib ad who is gripping because McRib is going to be unavailable when he gets back from his honeymoon?

          • McRibzgood

            No I'm the guy who honeymoons at Mcdonalds because they have the McRib available.

          • TitsAkimbo

            But is there a McRib pizza, that's what I need to know.

  • SorosBot

    Yeah, the liberals; not the campaigns of someone like Perry or Bachmann who's trying to retake the not-Romney position in the primary polling that Cain currently holds. Sure.

    • GOPCrusher

      If it was liberals, wouldn't the news have broken on Keith Olbermann?

    • Jukesgrrl

      Comments from you two are entirely too sensible and must cease! This is a Republican presidential campaign and not some "problem" that you "intellectuals" can "solve." Go apply your brain power to some issue like climate change … oops, I forgot, there's no such thing as climate change.

    • Veritas78

      This: true. Perry was the first culprit that came to mind. We liberals actually want Herman Cain as the nominee, because then most Republicans won't vote at all. Anyone else will pick either the smart one or the more-experienced one, neither of which would be Cain.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Dude, liberals don't even care about you.

    • Terry

      Except as an occasional source of humor. And pizzas.

      • LesBontemps

        Not pizzas.

        • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

          You know it's bad pizza when Pizza Hut sounds better. Or Tombstone.

    • http://wonkette.com BelleSC

      Dude! Liberals *want* you to get the GOP nomination!

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Zactly.

        • jus_wonderin

          I'm Jus_Wonderin, and I approve your posting!!

  • GuanoFaucet

    Liberal chicainery!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    LET HERMAN BE HERMAN GOD DAMN IT!

  • widestanceshakedown

    So, it's his 969 plan now?

    • SorosBot
      • widestanceshakedown

        A thousand pardons, SB. My still-sleepy fingers missed the late night -wire post, so I had no idea the definitive comment had already been made while I slept.

        Like minds and that.

        • SorosBot

          If only I had known there'd be another post on Cain's harassment, I would held the comment for this one; but alas it's buried in the old thread.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I often find myself going back to edit or delete a comment so as not step on someone's preceding snark. It's an occupational hazard of life in the Wonkette hive mind.

      • CapnFatback

        You're in line for a self-ahemimg, good sir.

  • chascates

    So where is Herman's out-and-out denial?

    • SayItWithWookies

      He's still working on the in-and-out denial.

      • MozakiBlocks

        You win!

  • freakishlywrong

    Except libruls had exactly nothing to do with it. If you consider Politico to be liburl media, then Jim DeMint is a bi-partisan moderate.. This reeks of turd blossom.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Maybe by the old-fashioned definition of liberal, as a person who believes in human rights, economic equality and a strong central government to enforce those; but the new definition of liberal is anyone who outs a conservative's scandalous behavior. And having seen Politico accused by its commenters as being slavishly liberal (really!) I wouldn't be surprised by how far that definition is going to go this time.

      • Ducksworthy

        Come on. Everybody knows Hitler was a liberal, as was Stalin. So that definition appears to be able to go pretty far.

  • Joshua Norton

    targeted by liberals simply because they disagree with his politics.

    Or could it be ….. Satan?

    • HateMachine

      Same thing, right?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Larry Flynt: You know what to do.

  • McRibzgood

    You know what else the "liberals" made Herman do?

    • LesBontemps

      Hitler?

    • dr_giraud

      Invade Poland?

    • WunkRocker

      Annex the Sudatenland?
      Snort blow off of a hooker's crack with that guy who was always talking about "winning?"
      Put his tongue on a frozen flagpole?
      Assume a widestance?

    • widestanceshakedown

      All of them bitches.

    • http://wonkette.com Pres.Libunatic

      Make a bizarre commercial with a guy smoking into the camera followed by Cain putting on his best Trollface?

      Problem, Rick Perry?

    • http://wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

      a Cleveland Steamer?

    • DaRooster

      Jesusween?

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Put meatballs on a pizza?

    • Callyson

      Send troops to Uzbeki-beki-beki-stan-stan?

    • finallyhappy

      make a veggie pizza?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “Sadly, we’ve seen this movie played out before – a prominent Conservative targeted simply because he's hornier than a three-balled tomcat."

    • fuflans

      and WHY do they ALWAYS think they will remain undetected?

      oh right, most of them arrogant self-righteous idiots.

      • Guppy

        Because every woman appreciates the attention of an alpha male.

        (Excepting feminist dykes, of course.)

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    First 9/11, and now the Cain campaign. Liberals – Fucking shit up without even knowing it.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Don't forget, the liberals caused the mortgage crisis by creating well-meaning programs designed to encourage home-ownership for those that couldn't build an enormous (yet bare of any sign of hominess) Alaskan lakeside home with Sports Complex materials that fell of the trucks near the mayor's land.

  • neiltheblaze

    I'm always struck by the power "liberals" seem to wield – especially considering that there are no liberals anymore – just business friendly corporatists.

    • freakishlywrong

      And Bernie Sanders, and maybe Sherrod Brown, and Elizabeth Warren. But you mean libruls who actually garner any attention whatsoever from our vaunted Fourth Estate? Then, yeah, no liberals.

      • neiltheblaze

        The same vaunted Fourth Estate you mention have bashed "liberals" so successfully over the last 30 years that the average mouth breathing American voter doesn't know the difference between "liberal" and the Khmer Rouge.

        • HateMachine

          No, the average mouth breathing voter knows, to the very limits of certainty, that there is no difference whatsoever.

    • GOPCrusher

      Then explain to me how we ended up with nationalized health care and a 90% tax rate on people making over 250,000 a year?

      • neiltheblaze

        Hey, I'd settle for the 40 hour work week! If only.

  • ProgressiveInga

    ♫That's the sound of the men working on the Cain Gang
    All day long they work so hard 'til the sun is going down
    Working on the highways and byways and wearing
    Wearing a frown
    You hear them moaning their lives away
    Then you hear somebody say
    That's the sound of the men working on the Cain Gang ♫

  • CliveWarren

    Is that a Cain in your pocket or are you sexually harrassing me?

    • monty4prez

      Raising Cain.

  • Schmannnity

    It's cool how liberals traveled back in time to get those two women to resign after payment and nondisclosure agreement. Just like time travel back to Hawaii 50 years ago to plant a birth certificate and story in the newspaper.

    • mavenmaven

      Liberals can do that because they are heretical believers in science.

    • mildlysore

      Taking just enough time to invent Johnny B. Goode and crash the economy.

    • Terry

      All it takes is a DeLorean

      • Generation[redacted]

        Or Jiffy Pop, a microwave, and nearby supernova.

        "Oh look, a lesson on not changing history from Mister I'm-My-Own-Grandpa."

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      I would time travel back to the party I was at in college where a pretty girl asked me if I liked oral sex. And I said "what?" Then she changed the subject. I have always regretted missing that opportunity.

      Um … also I'd go back and shoot Hitler blah blah blah.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    "Herman Cain is my name and I was e-lynched on the Dumville Train"

    • PubOption

      "Herman, quick come and see, there goes the Presidency".

      • LesBontemps

        Nice. But it's not like he ever had a chance of catching that train to begin wth.

  • J Rbt. Oppenheiner

    Cocktober justifies itself at last.

    • LesBontemps

      Still needz moar rentboy.

    • freakishlywrong

      Indeed. And who shall enliven our Blowvember?

      • GOPCrusher

        A rentboy that says he "carried luggage" for Jon Huntsman?

        • Jukesgrrl

          I'm still hoping it will be Perry.

    • prommie

      Cocktober Surprise! High tech cocktober lynching!

  • prommie

    I think that man has a pubic hair in his coke.

  • Buzz Feedback

    "Who put this pubic hair on my deep dish supreme?"

    • Guppy

      Don't flatter yourself, it's a thin crust.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Clarence Thomas is probably thinking,
    “Payoffs! Why didn’t I think of that?”

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      He's too stingy.

      • bebecca2298

        and it paid off for him.

  • Plowmon

    Wait, we've got a Republican that goes for full-grown women instead of boys and they're trying to spin it as a smear? This should be in his ads!

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      He's got the grin for it.

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        And apparently the groin for it

    • Terry

      Now if they could just move to "fully consenting adult".

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Where's the fun in that?

  • freakishlywrong

    Oh, and The Hill is librul as well. Right.

    • El Pinche

      Politico also.

      • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

        RedState has a horrible liberal bias.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    hmmm … Now that I've sampled it, I'm convinced this Angry-Birds custom-pie could use a dash more personal responsibility.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    a sane campaign manager would have just typed out the words “Bill Clinton

    Chuck Todd has already done that for Cain this A.M.

    P.S. Given that it's Drudge 2.0 that brought this up, I think we can say it's Romney/Rove, and not 'the liberals'.
    ~

    • HateMachine

      Imagine that, a 'high-tech lynching' by the people who are actually into the whole lynching thing.

  • widestanceshakedown

    This is how he plans to unleash his privates sector.

  • MrFizzy

    I personally think it's great to have ultra-white, boring, urinal cake Romney and ultra-black nutbag letch Cain the same race. The repubelickins just have to decide which one they hate less. We really need Newt to fill in the middle ground here.

  • HempDogbane

    This is good news for Sarah Palin !

    • widestanceshakedown

      Who?

      • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

        Hemp meant Lou Sarah.

        Or Hemp IS Lou Sarah.

        Not sure which.

        • widestanceshakedown

          T?

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Is the good news that she can get sex units from HC instead STDs from Todd?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Steve Doocey: Hank Williams Jr. welcome back to Fox and Friends.
    Gretchen Carlson: Hank, do you have any thoughts about the accusations surrounding Herman Cain?
    Hank: OHHH YEAHHH! UH HUH. Why's it ok when a Liberal rapes somebody, but a Republican gets in trouble when he rapes somebody? Huh? Why is that?
    Brian Kilmeade: Yeah, it sounds like a double standard.
    Steve Doocey: uh, well…well…can we go to commercial?

    • Generation[redacted]

      So this is like Hitler and Netanyahu co-starring in Nailin Palin 3.

    • HateMachine

      Don't forget their inside information that the anonymous women were almost certainly wearing dangerously short skirts that day. And high heels!

  • Eve8Apples

    "Hey, would you ladies like to try my extra large sausage?…..I mean, pizza, extra large sausage pizza? Damn it, Herman"

  • memzilla

    I'll have the Cain special : sausage, nuts, extra white sauce.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Scuse me, gotta puke.

    • MrFizzy

      Ooohh das nasty

  • hollywooddood

    Republicans will support him until they find out Cain was harassing white women.

    Thank you, Mr. Rove!

  • monty4prez

    Where the white women at?

    In the office getting harassed by Herman Cain.

  • Crank_Tango

    This is good news for McCain's frozen pizzas.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      Fucking NAFTA. Deport illegal immigrant Canadian pizzas!

      • Lascauxcaveman

        And if they aren't illegal, they oughta be.

    • Nostrildamus

      Pizzas = nards?

  • stew1

    A black person has to be nuts to join the Jesse Helms/Strom Thurmond party in the first place. Something had to be lurking there.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Makes as much sense as a chicken voting for Col. Sanders.

      Or a deer joining the NRA.

      • GOPCrusher

        Log Cabin Republiklans. WTF?

  • MrFizzy

    Herman Funster.

  • mavenmaven

    "a prominent Conservative targeted by liberals simply because they disagree with his politics."
    In other words, if they would have been good conservative women, they would have submitted to Cain's overtures, let him have his way with them, and they would not make a big fuss about it.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      This is why all of the Republican candidates are facing this exact same charge.

    • Guppy

      They wouldn't be working outside of the home to begin with.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Vicki Iseman should be teaching a seminar on this topic for Republican women. On second thought, has anyone seen Vicki Iseman lately? You know Vicki, she looks just like Cindy McCain's younger sister.

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    Jesus Crispy Christ, we still have more than a motherfucking year until this pointless, depressing election.

    All this harassment, beach-mansion-expansion, vaccines-cause-retardation, I'm-not-running, Tiffany's-bingeing, drunken-D-average-idiot bullshit will all be water under the bridge when it comes time to vote.

    After all this shit, my money is on SurpriseCandidate/DarkHorse 2012.

    • Terry

      The tea bagger candidates are falling at a rate of approximately one per week now. Pretty soon, it will be just Romney, Newt, and Ron Paul up there on the debate stage. No, I take that back. The craziest of the candidates will continue to join the debates no matter what. It's a by-product of living a reality-free life.

      • WhatTheHolyHeck

        That's why I'm convinced LouSarah isn't out of it yet, despite her protestations. She may be the only one left standing when all that's left are Paul, Huntsman and some surprising late-entrant like Jindal or Glenn Fucking Beck.

      • SorosBot

        Who knows, we could end up with something that has only happened in ancient times – a brokered convention. Now that could be fun to watch.

        • Terry

          Especially if the SnowBilly shows up at the convention expecting to take the nomination without having to have gone to the trouble of actually campaigning.

          • SorosBot

            Well it worked for Hubert Humphrey, although he had the advantage that the leading candidate was dead.

          • TitsAkimbo

            Hmmm, is this code?

          • Steverino247

            I've suggested that here at Wonkette before. Why campaign when you can be coronated at the convention?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Don't give up on Huntsman either — when you suggest Dark Horse, it ought'nt be entirely rhetorical. When Paul Ryan was being pressed during an interview (heard on the radio; not sure which entity was conducting it), as to "which GOP candidate seemed 'least' inclined toward personality-driven campaigning" but rather who had articulated a clear-cut policy on jobs, tax reform etc. — well you could *hear* the purposefulness in Ryan's voice swerving around the invitation to dis' one of his fellow party clowns, but, the first name he coughed up was Huntsman.
      Now that I think about it, the Munster-dunce did actually continue on to suggest (with the barest hint of sincerity) that Herman Cain should be credited with initiating dialogue via his 9-9-9 thing. Gotta give Ryan props for holding someone up as an example without actually calling it a good example.

    • elviouslyqueer

      DarkHorse = RACIST. For shame!

      • WhatTheHolyHeck

        I apologize. That should have read "ExtremelyUrbanHorse".

  • Pragmatist2

    Here's the harsh truth, Herman. The GOP establishment did this because they are perfectly happy to have Tea Party votes, but they don't want their sister to marry one.

    • El Pinche

      Baggers love the blacks, but only the ones that keep their place. Obama is too uppity and just doesn't listen to whitey.

    • GOPCrusher

      ie. Michael Steele.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Angry phone message from Ginny Thomas demanding an apology in 3… 2… 1…

  • mildlysore

    a high tech letching.

  • LesBontemps

    “Mr. Cain — and all Americans, deserve better.”

    If by "better" you mean "hawt supply-room secretarial action."

  • http://eldonaldo.com el_donaldo

    I'm guessing Cain didn't take the hints from the GOP establishment to leave the stage, so now the hit is in.

    Paranoid, yes, but I like to imagine the inner circle of the RNC being like the Stonecutters in the Simpsons.

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Nothing else could explain Steve Guttenberg.

      • PubOption

        Is Guttenberg's bible anything like Andrew Schlafly's?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Shut uuuuup!

  • Crank_Tango

    Librul Libel, also!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    To be fair, this was all said and done at the, "Swingers" restaurant chain's headquarters.

  • OneDollarJuana

    I won't believe this until I see the cum-stained pizza.

  • memzilla

    Who else thinks that the GOP Old Munniez want Romney all along, and are orchestrating the one-by-one discrediting of the populist candidates so Mitts is left by process of elimination, while making it look like an actual horse race and giving the pundits something to write about?

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      the GOP Old Munniez

      And according to the more rabid tea party types, they ARE "liberals," since they merely want to skew the economy in favor of the Haves, but don't see any monetary gain from expelling / executing all the illegal immigrants and "banning Sharia law"

    • Ducksworthy

      Well its clear the Willard will accommodate his beliefs to whatever form of regressive capitalism them desire up to an including slavery. Its also clear that this Cain person is a loose cannon of the first order.

    • GOPCrusher

      But Romney isn't even Xtian!

      • Jukesgrrl

        And the Old Munniez aren't religious. They are merely members of the local St. Show Up for Major Holidays. So they will work around the Mormon Factor if it protects their Wealth Management accounts.

  • mereoblivion

    Relentless dickhead who failed to relent is unrelentingly resentful.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Pounding on the employees for sex is really the only perk a restaurant manager has, besides comping free desserts. That's pretty much an industry standard.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    He was busted when they read his memo:

    "Re: Pube Lickin'." Damn that AutoCorrect.

  • elviouslyqueer

    As usual, the Hill comment board is displaying the classy, above-board intellectualism for which it's famous. And there will be no racism! None whatsoev…

    Time to go back to Altgeld Gardens and look up Barry's potential baby mommas. Of course those babies are now old enought to have there own babies. The can't stay tucked away forever-unless the got the ride to the Forest Preserves…

    Oh.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Racist AND incoherent. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!

  • SexySmurf

    Step one: Cut a hole in the pizza box.

    Step two: Put your junk in the pizza box.

    Step three: Blame Liberals.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Ah, the old Pizza Variation on the Popcorn Surprise!

  • stew1

    'No Anchovies" is actually slang like "bareback".

  • CliveWarren

    If you've had your ass grabbed and your boobs groped, don't blame Herman Cain, blame yourself…

  • DahBoner

    "Angry Pizza Man Blames ‘Liberals’ For Sexual Harassment Reports"

    In the Pizza/Pron industry, this is known as "hiding your salami"…

  • Sue4466

    Herman Cain's dick is a liberal?

  • Fawkdifiknow

    Normally I would be the first to demand video if they want me to believe an allegation of a sexual impropriety, but in Herb's case I'll waive that requirement. To save my eyeballs.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Herman's favorite suit is his sexual harassment suit.

    • prommie

      clap . . clap . . clap . .

      • mereoblivion

        Oh God, he came down with a dose, too?

  • smitallica

    Yes, we liberals spend our time doing hatchet jobs on people who don't have a fucking chance of ever being elected President, ever.

    • GOPCrusher

      Well, look at the turn David Duke's political career took.

  • chascates

    Politico had better watch out:
    "There is a long history of this from the Left," [Ann] Coulter said. "I'm spitting man about this attack on Herman Cain, maybe he should be at the top of the ticket."
    "Liberals are terrified of Herman Cain. He is a strong conservative black man. Look at the way they go after Allen West and Michael Steele and they aren't even running against Obama. They are terrified of strong conservative black men."

    • not that Dewey

      "Spitting man" was a Freudian slip, right?

      • chascates

        TownHall via Fox News. SOMEONE needs therapy in this chain.

        • not that Dewey

          Whatever its provenance, that's what I'm calling her from now on.

      • Crank_Tango

        I believe it was supposed to be "I'm the spitting image of a man," but she just misspoke.

      • Guppy

        She only swallows for whites.

    • WunkRocker

      Alright? Who jizzed in Coulter? "I'm spitting man"
      Knew she wasn't a swallower…

    • smitallica

      Yes, that's it, Coulter. You have pegged this exactly right.
      You cunt.

    • freakishlywrong

      "They are terrified of strong conservative black men." And Mann isn't? This is the crazy bitch who nominated Falin' as the "Conservative of the year", all the while shilling her book about how un-wed mothers are destroying "Murica.. The brown ones, that is.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Funny – I would have said the "conservatives" (really they are reactionaries) are deathly afraid of a liberal Black man – President Obama.

      Why in the world would anyone be afraid of a conservative Black man? Because of Alan Keyes' roaring success?

      Other Black folks ain't gonna vote for him. We saw in 2008 how many white people aren't going to support a Black candidate – any Black candidate.

      So that nets Mr. Cain about two national votes. His own and the one from Clarence Thomas.

      OK – maybe four. There's Thomas Sewell and the "Rev." Jesse Lee Peterson. Call it half a dozen, tops.

      • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

        I was gonna say – Ken "I'm Going To Lose My Gubernatorial Bid So Bad I Can't Cheat" Blackwell should be in there as well.

    • mereoblivion

      A.C. herself mighty terrified of strong black men, conservative or whatnot. Specially when they 'cept her invitation to come up to de house to bus' up a chiffarobe.

    • ttommyunger

      " They are terrified of strong conservative black men." If by "they" you mean attractive young women in Hermie's work environment.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Yes, Mann, liberals hate on strong conservative black men like Michael Steele so much they hire him for a regular commentating spot on their TV network when no Republicans would give their former GOP chairman a job.

  • OccupytheDashboard

    What the hell could a "can of Coke" mean then?

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    I'm waiting for our pal from the ex-lesbian gym-teacher thread to pop in and explain how it wasn't necessarily sexual harassment if the women wanted it…

    • SorosBot

      You're just bigoted against against relationships between teachers and 13-year-olds!

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        Did you see the trolls's followups? I fear the poor thing went Full Timecube. You should never go Full Timecube.

        • SorosBot

          I'll check to see if there's more. Did it have more to do with bizarre obsessing with only allowing words to have one single meaning, which much be the same as the original Greek or Latin root?

        • SorosBot

          And now I've gone back and see she did return an went Full Pedo (or Full Pædo, to go along with her weird use of archaïk language). It's weird for us to be called a bunch of anti-sex right-wingers. The crazy lady was really committed to defending sex with Junior High students as perfectly OK.

          • prommie

            Age of consent laws are arbitrary as all hell, and disparities in strength, sophistication, and experience can be as big, or bigger, in any coupling. Just saying; is this going "full pedo?"

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            In the real world, you have to draw a line in the sand and stick with it. There are always plenty of people your own age to fuck.

          • prommie

            Then view it, and discuss it, as an arbitrary measure necessitated by the impracticability of testing each and every relationship to determine if there is an unaccetable degree of power disparity or exploitation. As opposed to some universal moral constant which divides 'despicable monsters" from "normal humans."

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Those arguments always seem to me to be just rationalizations for "I, a man and/or adult, want to receive sexual gratification from this woman and/or child, and I don't give a fuck what he/she wants or is equipped to handle."

          • prommie

            You got me!

  • smitallica

    (Looks up to Heaven)
    Please let them be white, please let them be white…

  • not that Dewey

    LIEBRULS DID 10/31

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    This is Halloween. Needs moar “BLÜCHER!” .. uh, “Klobuchar!”

    • Chichikovovich

      Blücher, eh? So Cain facing these charges is like Napoleon finished off by the Prussians? Not bad at all. And it's nice that Michelle Bachmann isn't hogging all the Waterloo references.

    • elviouslyqueer
  • Goonemeritus

    While sexual harassment is certainly heinous, prominent conservatives have weathered the storm by shoveling wheelbarrows at it (Bill O’Reilly). What I find almost as damaging is he is a former lobbyist…Icky.

  • El Pinche

    Now we know why his campaign manager smokes outside the door. He's guarding Cain getting his fuckyfuckyfuckystan on.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Wouldn't it just be easier to hang a necktie on the outside doorknob?

  • grex1949

    "…prominent Conservative targeted by liberals…" Right, just like McCain was "targeted by liberals" in the 2000 primary season. Way to go, Karl. Your fingerprints are all over this one. BTW, "hush money" releases ought to be declared void as against public policy, IMHO.

  • GregComlish

    Dear Dipshit:

    The allegations were published in The POLITICO for the Monday morning headlines and were perfectly positioned in the news cycle to dominate the rest of the week. This isn't the handwork of liberals, it's the signature of establishment Republicans elbowing you and your buffoonish campaign out of the race. And just like Mitt shipped Perry back to camp Niggerhead, you're being delivered back to pizza-pizza-stan-istan where you belong.

    And instead of fighting back, you just take it like a good little patsy, play along and pretend that it was really the big mean liberals who broke the story. Jesus, you're a pussy. Stop blaming liberals and start blaming the one person responsible for the story who isn't you: Mitt. Politically this is an even better strategy than blaming liberals because Mitt is the only Republican that your base hates even more than liberals. I don't even know why I have to explain this to you since your campaign wouldn't even exist if Mitt wasn't so reviled. Stop being a pussy. Take the gloves off and go after the Mitt!

  • Chichikovovich

    Dear conservatives howling on Freep and other outlets for, uh, reasoned debate:

    Remember during the Democratic primaries four years ago, when Richard Mellon Scaife met with Hilary C and expressed his admiration for her? And Karl Rove appeared regularly on Fox News to talk about how fine a candidate Hilary is and how she would be the hardest to beat? And all the right-wing senators talked about how there had been skepticism about Hilary at the outset, but that she had earned "great respect" from even the most conservative ideologues for her work ethic and seriousness?

    That is how people behave when they want someone to be the nominee and believe they have a stockpile of ammunition to beat them. Democrats aren't usually as good as true masters of the art like Rove at such blatant cynicism, but they try. If they have goods on Cain, they will hold them until the election, thank you very much, and praise him until then. Because every liberal (and even genuine socialists, like me) in the country believes that Cain would be toast in the general election. It's possible we're wrong about that – we thought the Decider was hopeless too – but I assure you that's what we believe. So this material (appearing in conservative outlets, mark well) has undoubtedly come from Cain's Republican opponents, or the Republican establishment.

    This has been your monthly glimpse into the real world. Now you can go back to the Fox Fantasy Channel.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      No liberal believes he has any chance of actually getting the nomination. Remember, all of Cain's momentum is from bullshit polls, and nobody has voted for anything yet. (If bullshit polls this far out decided anything, Hilary would be President right now.) But the confusion and nonsense is great to have, for as long as possible, on their side, so please, crazies, brazen it out and stay in the race as long as you can!

      • Chichikovovich

        True, I guess I find it inconceivable that he could win the nomination. But over the years I've come to have a great respect for my sheer inability to predict what is going to fly with the 27%'ers. I would never have imagined how seamlessly they could blend reflex "support-the-troops"-ism with purple heart bandaids, for example. That a stretch of National Guard duty spackled with unexplained absences could be counted as more creditable during a time of war than facing enemy fire in Vietnam. So I just stand back in awe of the mindless, relentless power of the groupthink – like the Fundy tides or Krakatoa.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Or herds of wildebeests, sweeping majestically…

      • fuflans

        and he doesn't have money or ground operation. that's all that really matters. still.

        but hey, let's not stop the funride.

        (nice post too chichi…)

    • Tundra Grifter

      Don't forget Boss "I wasn't wrong; I was misinformed" BlunderRush's "Operation Chaos." That worked out well for the GNoP, now didn't it?

      Why would anyone take election advice from him, or Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot? uh InSannity or Off-the-Mark Levin? Would you use a mechanic who has never driven a car?

    • GOPCrusher

      Yeah, President Obama kind of blew up in Karl Rove's face. I'm sure he had six months worth of stuff lined up to use if Hillary Clinton would have been the nominee. Never in his wildest nightmares did he honestly believe that a black man would get the nomination.
      And I'm sure he's doing whatever it takes to make sure that Herb Cain will never get a sniff of the Republiklan nomination.

  • GregComlish

    Also Ginny Thomas called and asked about a 3-way

    • widestanceshakedown

      Meet-up at TGIFs?

    • elviouslyqueer

      DO NOT WANT.

    • prommie

      Hey, now Ginny Thomas, there is a women who appreciates a strong black man. not like the puling puke liberal bedwetters. Ginny Thomas loves a strong black man. A strong, stupid black man.

      • Ducksworthy

        Well stoopid for shore. Impeach Clarence Thomas.

  • sezme

    trying to mop up a Gulf-sized oil spill with paper towels
    Santorum could have told him that a paper towel is not a napkin.

  • Slim_Pickins

    There hasn't been a bimbo eruption since the late second millennium, rent boy eruptions, yes, bimbo eruptions, no.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    "Ladies, this is the National Breast and Ass Association, so you better have some meat-packin' experience!"

  • Generation[redacted]

    Does this mean he has to change the title of his memoirs?

  • http://grandpaboy.blogspot.com/ seppdecker

    Given that he learned his politics from Fox News, it's no surprise that he learned how to deliver pizza from pornos. Either way, screw the customer.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Cain got his mojo (potatoes) workin.

  • El Pinche

    Seriously though, this has Perry's paws all over it. It smells of dirty Texas politics.

  • jus_wonderin

    I bet he was just testing a concept for an added value menu item…cheesy head.

    • OccupytheDashboard

      smegma?

  • HateMachine

    Cain's dream running mate confirmed to be Long Dong Silver.

  • Guppy

    Why is "Conservative" capitalized? Is he running for Parliament?

  • Mahousu

    Latest word is that the women were allegedly paid $250,000 each. So the "five figures" were five $50,000s?

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    Is this his way of calling Mitt Romney a liberal again? Because clearly, like, they're the ones who put this out.

  • DocChaos

    How exactly does failing to comply with liberal PC notions of workplace behavior hurt Cain's bid for the Republican nomination? I think the Cain campaign leaked this themselves to contrast the obviously pussy-whipped Romney and limp-wristed Perry.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    People who can think dismiss Cain as a candidate because he is a goofball. Other people (Tea Party, etc.) pretend to support him until they can find a white candidate insane enough for them.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Wow, I never knew that, as a liberal, I had this much power! Boy, have I been wasting my life – I'm off now to tarnish the good name of Rick Perry!

  • ttommyunger

    I am only surprised that the litigants are female.

  • owhatever

    Sorry, Herm, it wasn't the liberals. For Halloween, Karl Rove dug up the stinking zombie corpse of Lee Atwater and presto, here's a sex lawsuit payoff.

  • Neoyorquino

    "Hey lady. Did you order a pepperoni pizza? Here's your pizza — and here's your pepperoni!" *(cue music: "bow-chika-a-bow-chika-bow-wow).

  • Antispandex

    So, just so I undestand this, the "liberals" made this organization pay off a claim (that was totally untrue) years before he was running for President, to derail his campaign? I so want to be a liberal! They're the smart people!

    • Jukesgrrl

      Insanely Complicated Conspiracies R Us®

  • awwalk56

    I just heard him on the news. I think it went something like this, " ind my fordy years ind bidness i neva sexally horrass anybodies. Dis iz nothin' mo dan a smear campaign by da PPP da plan parenthood peoples. Some peoples mida mistood my Fertiletilliatation plan dat iz ind drect oppasition of da PPP. My Fetiletilliatation plan iz a 999 plan alsos. 9 inches, 9times befo 9 ind da mornin. I cants wait untils I debatatize Barack Obama"!.

  • Steverino247

    I noted how Mr. Cain wants the accusers brought forward. Yeah, except for the fact they signed non-disclosure statements and likely want to never think about the incidents again…

    • grex1949

      Non-disclosure agreements always have a "liquidated damages" clause, which means the victims have to pay (occasionally more than they received in the settlement) in the event they disclose the terms of the settlement. All Cain would have to do is prove that the plaintiffs disclosed information, and they would be subject to a judgment for violation of the non-disclosure agreement. You won't be hearing the plaintiffs' side of the story, rest assured. This, of course, is fundamentally unfair.

  • elviouslyqueer
  • lochnessmonster

    leaked by the GOP because they don't want Cain. Anyone seen Rove or Delay?

  • finallyhappy

    So the news is Michael Jackson and then Halloween in Georgetown. Thank you,NBC 4

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    It is always someone else's fault. Even when they do whatever it is they are accused of. Sadly predictable.

  • voodooeconomics

    heck it looks like that the GOP Bugman Karl Rove is trying to undo this Bat named Cain. No need to look for the Librul devilsfor that.

  • awwalk56

    You got to admire the Rubagainstmecans for having the guts for wanting to nominate the first 'stank for my hangdown' candidate.

  • rocktonsam

    I was hoping he'd be better at denial.
    not because he's black
    Blovember can't get here soon enough

  • fuflans

    what the fuck is on that pizza?

  • mayor_quimby

    This awesome comment is from the local ATL fishwrapper story about Herb skipping a GOP gathering here today. Long Live God, Jesus and free-market principles – Is that the new holy trinity? Somebody has to break the news to the Holy Spirit that it was not pulling it's weight.

    Bill Orvis White
    November 1st, 2011
    10:16 am

    Herman will get through this storm because He has a strong faith in the Lord Almighty. Herman’s devotion to God, Jesus and free market principles will prove that this strong man will be in the Oval Office come January 2013 and save this once-free nation from ruin.

    See this video with Herman singing. It brought me to tears:
    http://cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/politics/2011

    Amen,
    Bill

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    "Oh what a tangled web you weave when first you practice to deceive?" Sir Walter Scott (sorry for they allusion to literacy)

  • owhatever

    I guess it never occurred to Mister Cain to say "It never happened," then sue them right back for defamation, and take the whole thing to court for full and open hearing.