POLITICO IS LIBERAL NOW?  9:58 am October 31, 2011

Angry Pizza Man Blames ‘Liberals’ For Sexual Harassment Reports

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Grrr angry pizza monster hate stoopid communist reporters from conservative news site!

Farcical egomaniac joke candidate Herman Cain and his team are trying to mop up a Gulf-sized oil spill with paper towels today after POLITICO SCOOPED THE UNIVERSE with unsurprising news that old Herm is allegedly a terrible lech who sexually harassed two female employees while serving as the head of the National Restaurant Association, by unimaginatively arguing the entire story is the fault of the “liberals.” Wrong tack, team! Creepy sexual behavior is the only thing so far that we have heard about Herman Cain that makes him seem like a legitimate politician after all. Why not try that angle?

So much for the “unorthodox campaign” idea! Here is the weak non-denial his campaign put out in a standard-issue “Herman Cain is the real victim here” statement reported by The Hill:

“Sadly, we’ve seen this movie played out before – a prominent Conservative targeted by liberals simply because they disagree with his politics.

“Mr. Cain — and all Americans, deserve better.”

Since it will be impossible to argue that it didn’t happen — the National Restaurant Association issued a five-figure payout to the two women after forcing them to sign an agreement that prohibits them from talking about it — a sane campaign manager would have just typed out the words “Bill Clinton” and fired this back to reporters with a comical sneer, but as with everything else “Herman Cain,” this is just incredibly boring and lame. [The Hill]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 266 comments }

Barb October 31, 2011 at 10:01 am

That's what happens when you offer a woman the sausage "on the side."
Suck it Herman! None of us want to.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 31, 2011 at 10:28 am

Cocktober goes out with a bang.
~

BelleSC October 31, 2011 at 10:33 am

FTW ^

Lascauxcaveman October 31, 2011 at 11:58 am

Or if you're British, a "banger"?

BarryOPotter October 31, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Banger? He just Cain'd her!

Chillwaver October 31, 2011 at 11:58 am

"Suck it Herman!"

You mean "Sucki-sucki-sucki-stan-stan"?

Chillwaver October 31, 2011 at 10:03 am

Once again, brought to you by the party of family values and personal responsibility (and the guy is a Revered, not that it makes a difference).

Needs moar Sexual Harrasment Panda, also.

Not_So_Much October 31, 2011 at 11:09 am

'Reverend'? So altar boys were involved as well?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2011 at 11:45 am

Republicans are basically OK with sexual harassment (see: Thomas, Clarence). It's when women consent that they get all bent ouf of shape (see: Clinton, Bill.)

HutchBabe November 1, 2011 at 5:15 pm

It's not like reverends don't have needs!

Texan_Bulldog October 31, 2011 at 10:03 am

But maybe there REALLY was a pubic hair on her Coke can. Oh wait…

EatsBabyDingos October 31, 2011 at 10:03 am

Herm the Sperm.

writechic October 31, 2011 at 10:53 am

Spermin' Herman?

mourningnmerica November 1, 2011 at 2:26 am

The Vermin ate 'er.

McRibzgood October 31, 2011 at 10:04 am

The liberals made him do it.

Chillwaver October 31, 2011 at 10:12 am

Bitch(es) set him up!

Barb October 31, 2011 at 10:16 am

All he wanted was his wang mouthafied and they had to go and get all bitchy on him.

NorthStarSpanx October 31, 2011 at 11:22 am

The liberal college professors? After all, it is now established how they influenced a Republican gym teacher to go gay and prey on her tween students.

OKthennext October 31, 2011 at 12:04 pm

baconz, is that you?

McRibzgood October 31, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Yes!

OKthennext October 31, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I like your Jesusween costume!

BaldarTFlagass October 31, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Are you the guy on the McRib ad who is gripping because McRib is going to be unavailable when he gets back from his honeymoon?

McRibzgood October 31, 2011 at 1:45 pm

No I'm the guy who honeymoons at Mcdonalds because they have the McRib available.

SorosBot October 31, 2011 at 10:06 am

Yeah, the liberals; not the campaigns of someone like Perry or Bachmann who's trying to retake the not-Romney position in the primary polling that Cain currently holds. Sure.

GOPCrusher October 31, 2011 at 1:19 pm

If it was liberals, wouldn't the news have broken on Keith Olbermann?

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Comments from you two are entirely too sensible and must cease! This is a Republican presidential campaign and not some "problem" that you "intellectuals" can "solve." Go apply your brain power to some issue like climate change … oops, I forgot, there's no such thing as climate change.

Veritas78 October 31, 2011 at 6:34 pm

This: true. Perry was the first culprit that came to mind. We liberals actually want Herman Cain as the nominee, because then most Republicans won't vote at all. Anyone else will pick either the smart one or the more-experienced one, neither of which would be Cain.

BaldarTFlagass October 31, 2011 at 10:06 am

Dude, liberals don't even care about you.

Terry October 31, 2011 at 10:21 am

Except as an occasional source of humor. And pizzas.

LesBontemps October 31, 2011 at 10:31 am

Not pizzas.

Andrew Drinker October 31, 2011 at 12:40 pm

You know it's bad pizza when Pizza Hut sounds better. Or Tombstone.

BelleSC October 31, 2011 at 10:34 am

Dude! Liberals *want* you to get the GOP nomination!

starfanglednut October 31, 2011 at 10:43 am

Zactly.

jus_wonderin October 31, 2011 at 11:36 am

I'm Jus_Wonderin, and I approve your posting!!

GuanoFaucet October 31, 2011 at 10:06 am

Liberal chicainery!

DerrickWildcat October 31, 2011 at 10:06 am

LET HERMAN BE HERMAN GOD DAMN IT!

widestanceshakedown October 31, 2011 at 10:06 am

So, it's his 969 plan now?

SorosBot October 31, 2011 at 10:43 am

Ahem.

widestanceshakedown October 31, 2011 at 10:49 am

A thousand pardons, SB. My still-sleepy fingers missed the late night -wire post, so I had no idea the definitive comment had already been made while I slept.

Like minds and that.

SorosBot October 31, 2011 at 10:52 am

If only I had known there'd be another post on Cain's harassment, I would held the comment for this one; but alas it's buried in the old thread.

Lascauxcaveman October 31, 2011 at 12:02 pm

I often find myself going back to edit or delete a comment so as not step on someone's preceding snark. It's an occupational hazard of life in the Wonkette hive mind.

CapnFatback October 31, 2011 at 12:06 pm

You're in line for a self-ahemimg, good sir.

chascates October 31, 2011 at 10:07 am

So where is Herman's out-and-out denial?

SayItWithWookies October 31, 2011 at 11:41 am

He's still working on the in-and-out denial.

MozakiBlocks October 31, 2011 at 12:03 pm

You win!

freakishlywrong October 31, 2011 at 10:07 am

Except libruls had exactly nothing to do with it. If you consider Politico to be liburl media, then Jim DeMint is a bi-partisan moderate.. This reeks of turd blossom.

SayItWithWookies October 31, 2011 at 11:46 am

Maybe by the old-fashioned definition of liberal, as a person who believes in human rights, economic equality and a strong central government to enforce those; but the new definition of liberal is anyone who outs a conservative's scandalous behavior. And having seen Politico accused by its commenters as being slavishly liberal (really!) I wouldn't be surprised by how far that definition is going to go this time.

Ducksworthy October 31, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Come on. Everybody knows Hitler was a liberal, as was Stalin. So that definition appears to be able to go pretty far.

Joshua Norton October 31, 2011 at 10:07 am

targeted by liberals simply because they disagree with his politics.

Or could it be ….. Satan?

HateMachine October 31, 2011 at 11:50 am

Same thing, right?

DerrickWildcat October 31, 2011 at 10:07 am

Larry Flynt: You know what to do.

McRibzgood October 31, 2011 at 10:08 am

You know what else the "liberals" made Herman do?

LesBontemps October 31, 2011 at 10:13 am

Hitler?

dr_giraud October 31, 2011 at 10:15 am

Invade Poland?

WunkRocker October 31, 2011 at 10:17 am

Annex the Sudatenland?
Snort blow off of a hooker's crack with that guy who was always talking about "winning?"
Put his tongue on a frozen flagpole?
Assume a widestance?

widestanceshakedown October 31, 2011 at 10:25 am

All of them bitches.

Pres.Libunatic October 31, 2011 at 10:38 am

Make a bizarre commercial with a guy smoking into the camera followed by Cain putting on his best Trollface?

Problem, Rick Perry?

TanzbodenKoenig October 31, 2011 at 10:48 am

a Cleveland Steamer?

DaRooster October 31, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Jesusween?

JustPixelz October 31, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Put meatballs on a pizza?

Callyson October 31, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Send troops to Uzbeki-beki-beki-stan-stan?

finallyhappy October 31, 2011 at 5:30 pm

make a veggie pizza?

BaldarTFlagass October 31, 2011 at 10:08 am

“Sadly, we’ve seen this movie played out before – a prominent Conservative targeted simply because he's hornier than a three-balled tomcat."

fuflans October 31, 2011 at 12:47 pm

and WHY do they ALWAYS think they will remain undetected?

oh right, most of them arrogant self-righteous idiots.

Guppy October 31, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Because every woman appreciates the attention of an alpha male.

(Excepting feminist dykes, of course.)

Gratuitous World October 31, 2011 at 10:08 am

First 9/11, and now the Cain campaign. Liberals – Fucking shit up without even knowing it.

NorthStarSpanx October 31, 2011 at 11:25 am

Don't forget, the liberals caused the mortgage crisis by creating well-meaning programs designed to encourage home-ownership for those that couldn't build an enormous (yet bare of any sign of hominess) Alaskan lakeside home with Sports Complex materials that fell of the trucks near the mayor's land.

neiltheblaze October 31, 2011 at 10:09 am

I'm always struck by the power "liberals" seem to wield – especially considering that there are no liberals anymore – just business friendly corporatists.

freakishlywrong October 31, 2011 at 10:14 am

And Bernie Sanders, and maybe Sherrod Brown, and Elizabeth Warren. But you mean libruls who actually garner any attention whatsoever from our vaunted Fourth Estate? Then, yeah, no liberals.

neiltheblaze October 31, 2011 at 11:38 am

The same vaunted Fourth Estate you mention have bashed "liberals" so successfully over the last 30 years that the average mouth breathing American voter doesn't know the difference between "liberal" and the Khmer Rouge.

HateMachine October 31, 2011 at 11:51 am

No, the average mouth breathing voter knows, to the very limits of certainty, that there is no difference whatsoever.

GOPCrusher October 31, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Then explain to me how we ended up with nationalized health care and a 90% tax rate on people making over 250,000 a year?

neiltheblaze October 31, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Hey, I'd settle for the 40 hour work week! If only.

ProgressiveInga October 31, 2011 at 10:09 am

♫That's the sound of the men working on the Cain Gang
All day long they work so hard 'til the sun is going down
Working on the highways and byways and wearing
Wearing a frown
You hear them moaning their lives away
Then you hear somebody say
That's the sound of the men working on the Cain Gang ♫

CliveWarren October 31, 2011 at 10:10 am

Is that a Cain in your pocket or are you sexually harrassing me?

monty4prez October 31, 2011 at 10:18 am

Raising Cain.

Schmannnity October 31, 2011 at 10:10 am

It's cool how liberals traveled back in time to get those two women to resign after payment and nondisclosure agreement. Just like time travel back to Hawaii 50 years ago to plant a birth certificate and story in the newspaper.

mavenmaven October 31, 2011 at 10:12 am

Liberals can do that because they are heretical believers in science.

mildlysore October 31, 2011 at 10:14 am

Taking just enough time to invent Johnny B. Goode and crash the economy.

Terry October 31, 2011 at 10:24 am

All it takes is a DeLorean

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 11:44 am

Or Jiffy Pop, a microwave, and nearby supernova.

"Oh look, a lesson on not changing history from Mister I'm-My-Own-Grandpa."

JustPixelz October 31, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I would time travel back to the party I was at in college where a pretty girl asked me if I liked oral sex. And I said "what?" Then she changed the subject. I have always regretted missing that opportunity.

Um … also I'd go back and shoot Hitler blah blah blah.

EatsBabyDingos October 31, 2011 at 10:10 am

"Herman Cain is my name and I was e-lynched on the Dumville Train"

PubOption October 31, 2011 at 10:25 am

"Herman, quick come and see, there goes the Presidency".

LesBontemps October 31, 2011 at 11:14 am

Nice. But it's not like he ever had a chance of catching that train to begin wth.

J Rbt. Oppenheiner October 31, 2011 at 10:11 am

Cocktober justifies itself at last.

LesBontemps October 31, 2011 at 10:23 am

Still needz moar rentboy.

freakishlywrong October 31, 2011 at 10:24 am

Indeed. And who shall enliven our Blowvember?

GOPCrusher October 31, 2011 at 1:33 pm

A rentboy that says he "carried luggage" for Jon Huntsman?

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2011 at 5:18 pm

I'm still hoping it will be Perry.

prommie October 31, 2011 at 10:39 am

Cocktober Surprise! High tech cocktober lynching!

prommie October 31, 2011 at 10:11 am

I think that man has a pubic hair in his coke.

Buzz Feedback October 31, 2011 at 10:11 am

"Who put this pubic hair on my deep dish supreme?"

Guppy October 31, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Don't flatter yourself, it's a thin crust.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 31, 2011 at 10:11 am

Clarence Thomas is probably thinking,
“Payoffs! Why didn’t I think of that?”

starfanglednut October 31, 2011 at 10:46 am

He's too stingy.

bebecca2298 October 31, 2011 at 11:23 am

and it paid off for him.

Plowmon October 31, 2011 at 10:12 am

Wait, we've got a Republican that goes for full-grown women instead of boys and they're trying to spin it as a smear? This should be in his ads!

Monsieur_Grumpe October 31, 2011 at 10:20 am

He's got the grin for it.

Dok-cupy Everything October 31, 2011 at 10:48 am

And apparently the groin for it

Terry October 31, 2011 at 10:25 am

Now if they could just move to "fully consenting adult".

starfanglednut October 31, 2011 at 10:47 am

Where's the fun in that?

freakishlywrong October 31, 2011 at 10:12 am

Oh, and The Hill is librul as well. Right.

El Pinche October 31, 2011 at 10:37 am

Politico also.

Andrew Drinker October 31, 2011 at 12:45 pm

RedState has a horrible liberal bias.

Mumbletypeg October 31, 2011 at 10:13 am

hmmm … Now that I've sampled it, I'm convinced this Angry-Birds custom-pie could use a dash more personal responsibility.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 31, 2011 at 10:14 am

a sane campaign manager would have just typed out the words “Bill Clinton

Chuck Todd has already done that for Cain this A.M.

P.S. Given that it's Drudge 2.0 that brought this up, I think we can say it's Romney/Rove, and not 'the liberals'.
~

HateMachine October 31, 2011 at 11:53 am

Imagine that, a 'high-tech lynching' by the people who are actually into the whole lynching thing.

widestanceshakedown October 31, 2011 at 10:14 am

This is how he plans to unleash his privates sector.

MrFizzy October 31, 2011 at 10:15 am

I personally think it's great to have ultra-white, boring, urinal cake Romney and ultra-black nutbag letch Cain the same race. The repubelickins just have to decide which one they hate less. We really need Newt to fill in the middle ground here.

HempDogbane October 31, 2011 at 10:15 am

This is good news for Sarah Palin !

widestanceshakedown October 31, 2011 at 10:50 am

Who?

Andrew Drinker October 31, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Hemp meant Lou Sarah.

Or Hemp IS Lou Sarah.

Not sure which.

widestanceshakedown October 31, 2011 at 2:10 pm

T?

JustPixelz October 31, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Is the good news that she can get sex units from HC instead STDs from Todd?

DerrickWildcat October 31, 2011 at 10:16 am

Steve Doocey: Hank Williams Jr. welcome back to Fox and Friends.
Gretchen Carlson: Hank, do you have any thoughts about the accusations surrounding Herman Cain?
Hank: OHHH YEAHHH! UH HUH. Why's it ok when a Liberal rapes somebody, but a Republican gets in trouble when he rapes somebody? Huh? Why is that?
Brian Kilmeade: Yeah, it sounds like a double standard.
Steve Doocey: uh, well…well…can we go to commercial?

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 11:46 am

So this is like Hitler and Netanyahu co-starring in Nailin Palin 3.

HateMachine October 31, 2011 at 11:54 am

Don't forget their inside information that the anonymous women were almost certainly wearing dangerously short skirts that day. And high heels!

Eve8Apples October 31, 2011 at 10:16 am

"Hey, would you ladies like to try my extra large sausage?…..I mean, pizza, extra large sausage pizza? Damn it, Herman"

memzilla October 31, 2011 at 10:16 am

I'll have the Cain special : sausage, nuts, extra white sauce.

starfanglednut October 31, 2011 at 10:48 am

Scuse me, gotta puke.

MrFizzy October 31, 2011 at 11:19 am

Ooohh das nasty

hollywooddood October 31, 2011 at 10:16 am

Republicans will support him until they find out Cain was harassing white women.

Thank you, Mr. Rove!

monty4prez October 31, 2011 at 10:17 am

Where the white women at?

In the office getting harassed by Herman Cain.

Crank_Tango October 31, 2011 at 10:17 am

This is good news for McCain's frozen pizzas.

WhatTheHolyHeck October 31, 2011 at 10:23 am

Fucking NAFTA. Deport illegal immigrant Canadian pizzas!

Lascauxcaveman October 31, 2011 at 12:14 pm

And if they aren't illegal, they oughta be.

Nostrildamus October 31, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Pizzas = nards?

stew1 October 31, 2011 at 10:17 am

A black person has to be nuts to join the Jesse Helms/Strom Thurmond party in the first place. Something had to be lurking there.

Tundra Grifter October 31, 2011 at 11:16 am

Makes as much sense as a chicken voting for Col. Sanders.

Or a deer joining the NRA.

GOPCrusher October 31, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Log Cabin Republiklans. WTF?

MrFizzy October 31, 2011 at 10:17 am

Herman Funster.

mavenmaven October 31, 2011 at 10:17 am

"a prominent Conservative targeted by liberals simply because they disagree with his politics."
In other words, if they would have been good conservative women, they would have submitted to Cain's overtures, let him have his way with them, and they would not make a big fuss about it.

Native_of_SL_UT October 31, 2011 at 12:05 pm

This is why all of the Republican candidates are facing this exact same charge.

Guppy October 31, 2011 at 1:43 pm

They wouldn't be working outside of the home to begin with.

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Vicki Iseman should be teaching a seminar on this topic for Republican women. On second thought, has anyone seen Vicki Iseman lately? You know Vicki, she looks just like Cindy McCain's younger sister.

WhatTheHolyHeck October 31, 2011 at 10:18 am

Jesus Crispy Christ, we still have more than a motherfucking year until this pointless, depressing election.

All this harassment, beach-mansion-expansion, vaccines-cause-retardation, I'm-not-running, Tiffany's-bingeing, drunken-D-average-idiot bullshit will all be water under the bridge when it comes time to vote.

After all this shit, my money is on SurpriseCandidate/DarkHorse 2012.

Terry October 31, 2011 at 10:28 am

The tea bagger candidates are falling at a rate of approximately one per week now. Pretty soon, it will be just Romney, Newt, and Ron Paul up there on the debate stage. No, I take that back. The craziest of the candidates will continue to join the debates no matter what. It's a by-product of living a reality-free life.

WhatTheHolyHeck October 31, 2011 at 10:38 am

That's why I'm convinced LouSarah isn't out of it yet, despite her protestations. She may be the only one left standing when all that's left are Paul, Huntsman and some surprising late-entrant like Jindal or Glenn Fucking Beck.

SorosBot October 31, 2011 at 10:39 am

Who knows, we could end up with something that has only happened in ancient times – a brokered convention. Now that could be fun to watch.

Terry October 31, 2011 at 10:52 am

Especially if the SnowBilly shows up at the convention expecting to take the nomination without having to have gone to the trouble of actually campaigning.

SorosBot October 31, 2011 at 11:26 am

Well it worked for Hubert Humphrey, although he had the advantage that the leading candidate was dead.

Steverino247 October 31, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I've suggested that here at Wonkette before. Why campaign when you can be coronated at the convention?

Mumbletypeg October 31, 2011 at 10:48 am

Don't give up on Huntsman either — when you suggest Dark Horse, it ought'nt be entirely rhetorical. When Paul Ryan was being pressed during an interview (heard on the radio; not sure which entity was conducting it), as to "which GOP candidate seemed 'least' inclined toward personality-driven campaigning" but rather who had articulated a clear-cut policy on jobs, tax reform etc. — well you could *hear* the purposefulness in Ryan's voice swerving around the invitation to dis' one of his fellow party clowns, but, the first name he coughed up was Huntsman.
Now that I think about it, the Munster-dunce did actually continue on to suggest (with the barest hint of sincerity) that Herman Cain should be credited with initiating dialogue via his 9-9-9 thing. Gotta give Ryan props for holding someone up as an example without actually calling it a good example.

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 11:05 am

DarkHorse = RACIST. For shame!

WhatTheHolyHeck October 31, 2011 at 1:11 pm

I apologize. That should have read "ExtremelyUrbanHorse".

Pragmatist2 October 31, 2011 at 10:19 am

Here's the harsh truth, Herman. The GOP establishment did this because they are perfectly happy to have Tea Party votes, but they don't want their sister to marry one.

El Pinche October 31, 2011 at 10:36 am

Baggers love the blacks, but only the ones that keep their place. Obama is too uppity and just doesn't listen to whitey.

GOPCrusher October 31, 2011 at 1:40 pm

ie. Michael Steele.

Rosie_Scenario October 31, 2011 at 10:20 am

Angry phone message from Ginny Thomas demanding an apology in 3… 2… 1…

mildlysore October 31, 2011 at 10:20 am

a high tech letching.

LesBontemps October 31, 2011 at 10:21 am

“Mr. Cain — and all Americans, deserve better.”

If by "better" you mean "hawt supply-room secretarial action."

el_donaldo October 31, 2011 at 10:21 am

I'm guessing Cain didn't take the hints from the GOP establishment to leave the stage, so now the hit is in.

Paranoid, yes, but I like to imagine the inner circle of the RNC being like the Stonecutters in the Simpsons.

Dok-cupy Everything October 31, 2011 at 10:38 am

Nothing else could explain Steve Guttenberg.

PubOption October 31, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Is Guttenberg's bible anything like Andrew Schlafly's?

BaldarTFlagass October 31, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Shut uuuuup!

Crank_Tango October 31, 2011 at 10:21 am

Librul Libel, also!

DerrickWildcat October 31, 2011 at 10:21 am

To be fair, this was all said and done at the, "Swingers" restaurant chain's headquarters.

OneDollarJuana October 31, 2011 at 10:22 am

I won't believe this until I see the cum-stained pizza.

memzilla October 31, 2011 at 10:23 am

Who else thinks that the GOP Old Munniez want Romney all along, and are orchestrating the one-by-one discrediting of the populist candidates so Mitts is left by process of elimination, while making it look like an actual horse race and giving the pundits something to write about?

Dok-cupy Everything October 31, 2011 at 10:40 am

the GOP Old Munniez

And according to the more rabid tea party types, they ARE "liberals," since they merely want to skew the economy in favor of the Haves, but don't see any monetary gain from expelling / executing all the illegal immigrants and "banning Sharia law"

Ducksworthy October 31, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Well its clear the Willard will accommodate his beliefs to whatever form of regressive capitalism them desire up to an including slavery. Its also clear that this Cain person is a loose cannon of the first order.

GOPCrusher October 31, 2011 at 1:42 pm

But Romney isn't even Xtian!

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2011 at 5:39 pm

And the Old Munniez aren't religious. They are merely members of the local St. Show Up for Major Holidays. So they will work around the Mormon Factor if it protects their Wealth Management accounts.

mereoblivion October 31, 2011 at 10:23 am

Relentless dickhead who failed to relent is unrelentingly resentful.

Wilcoxyz October 31, 2011 at 10:23 am

Pounding on the employees for sex is really the only perk a restaurant manager has, besides comping free desserts. That's pretty much an industry standard.

EatsBabyDingos October 31, 2011 at 10:24 am

He was busted when they read his memo:

"Re: Pube Lickin'." Damn that AutoCorrect.

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 10:25 am

As usual, the Hill comment board is displaying the classy, above-board intellectualism for which it's famous. And there will be no racism! None whatsoev…

Time to go back to Altgeld Gardens and look up Barry's potential baby mommas. Of course those babies are now old enought to have there own babies. The can't stay tucked away forever-unless the got the ride to the Forest Preserves…

Oh.

starfanglednut October 31, 2011 at 10:53 am

Racist AND incoherent. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!

SexySmurf October 31, 2011 at 10:27 am

Step one: Cut a hole in the pizza box.

Step two: Put your junk in the pizza box.

Step three: Blame Liberals.

BaldarTFlagass October 31, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Ah, the old Pizza Variation on the Popcorn Surprise!

stew1 October 31, 2011 at 10:27 am

'No Anchovies" is actually slang like "bareback".

CliveWarren October 31, 2011 at 10:29 am

If you've had your ass grabbed and your boobs groped, don't blame Herman Cain, blame yourself…

DahBoner October 31, 2011 at 10:30 am

"Angry Pizza Man Blames ‘Liberals’ For Sexual Harassment Reports"

In the Pizza/Pron industry, this is known as "hiding your salami"…

Sue4466 October 31, 2011 at 10:30 am

Herman Cain's dick is a liberal?

Fawkdifiknow October 31, 2011 at 10:31 am

Normally I would be the first to demand video if they want me to believe an allegation of a sexual impropriety, but in Herb's case I'll waive that requirement. To save my eyeballs.

ManchuCandidate October 31, 2011 at 10:31 am

Herman's favorite suit is his sexual harassment suit.

prommie October 31, 2011 at 10:38 am

clap . . clap . . clap . .

mereoblivion October 31, 2011 at 11:22 am

Oh God, he came down with a dose, too?

smitallica October 31, 2011 at 10:32 am

Yes, we liberals spend our time doing hatchet jobs on people who don't have a fucking chance of ever being elected President, ever.

GOPCrusher October 31, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Well, look at the turn David Duke's political career took.

chascates October 31, 2011 at 10:37 am

Politico had better watch out:
"There is a long history of this from the Left," [Ann] Coulter said. "I'm spitting man about this attack on Herman Cain, maybe he should be at the top of the ticket."
"Liberals are terrified of Herman Cain. He is a strong conservative black man. Look at the way they go after Allen West and Michael Steele and they aren't even running against Obama. They are terrified of strong conservative black men."

not that Dewey October 31, 2011 at 10:38 am

"Spitting man" was a Freudian slip, right?

chascates October 31, 2011 at 10:42 am

TownHall via Fox News. SOMEONE needs therapy in this chain.

not that Dewey October 31, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Whatever its provenance, that's what I'm calling her from now on.

Crank_Tango October 31, 2011 at 1:26 pm

I believe it was supposed to be "I'm the spitting image of a man," but she just misspoke.

Guppy October 31, 2011 at 1:48 pm

She only swallows for whites.

WunkRocker October 31, 2011 at 10:40 am

Alright? Who jizzed in Coulter? "I'm spitting man"
Knew she wasn't a swallower…

smitallica October 31, 2011 at 10:43 am

Yes, that's it, Coulter. You have pegged this exactly right.
You cunt.

freakishlywrong October 31, 2011 at 10:44 am

"They are terrified of strong conservative black men." And Mann isn't? This is the crazy bitch who nominated Falin' as the "Conservative of the year", all the while shilling her book about how un-wed mothers are destroying "Murica.. The brown ones, that is.

Tundra Grifter October 31, 2011 at 11:21 am

Funny – I would have said the "conservatives" (really they are reactionaries) are deathly afraid of a liberal Black man – President Obama.

Why in the world would anyone be afraid of a conservative Black man? Because of Alan Keyes' roaring success?

Other Black folks ain't gonna vote for him. We saw in 2008 how many white people aren't going to support a Black candidate – any Black candidate.

So that nets Mr. Cain about two national votes. His own and the one from Clarence Thomas.

OK – maybe four. There's Thomas Sewell and the "Rev." Jesse Lee Peterson. Call it half a dozen, tops.

Andrew Drinker October 31, 2011 at 1:04 pm

I was gonna say – Ken "I'm Going To Lose My Gubernatorial Bid So Bad I Can't Cheat" Blackwell should be in there as well.

mereoblivion October 31, 2011 at 11:25 am

A.C. herself mighty terrified of strong black men, conservative or whatnot. Specially when they 'cept her invitation to come up to de house to bus' up a chiffarobe.

ttommyunger October 31, 2011 at 1:33 pm

" They are terrified of strong conservative black men." If by "they" you mean attractive young women in Hermie's work environment.

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Yes, Mann, liberals hate on strong conservative black men like Michael Steele so much they hire him for a regular commentating spot on their TV network when no Republicans would give their former GOP chairman a job.

OccupytheDashboard October 31, 2011 at 10:37 am

What the hell could a "can of Coke" mean then?

Dok-cupy Everything October 31, 2011 at 10:37 am

I'm waiting for our pal from the ex-lesbian gym-teacher thread to pop in and explain how it wasn't necessarily sexual harassment if the women wanted it…

SorosBot October 31, 2011 at 10:41 am

You're just bigoted against against relationships between teachers and 13-year-olds!

Dok-cupy Everything October 31, 2011 at 10:46 am

Did you see the trolls's followups? I fear the poor thing went Full Timecube. You should never go Full Timecube.

SorosBot October 31, 2011 at 10:55 am

I'll check to see if there's more. Did it have more to do with bizarre obsessing with only allowing words to have one single meaning, which much be the same as the original Greek or Latin root?

SorosBot October 31, 2011 at 11:17 am

And now I've gone back and see she did return an went Full Pedo (or Full Pædo, to go along with her weird use of archaïk language). It's weird for us to be called a bunch of anti-sex right-wingers. The crazy lady was really committed to defending sex with Junior High students as perfectly OK.

prommie October 31, 2011 at 11:32 am

Age of consent laws are arbitrary as all hell, and disparities in strength, sophistication, and experience can be as big, or bigger, in any coupling. Just saying; is this going "full pedo?"

smitallica October 31, 2011 at 10:38 am

(Looks up to Heaven)
Please let them be white, please let them be white…

not that Dewey October 31, 2011 at 10:39 am

LIEBRULS DID 10/31

Mumbletypeg October 31, 2011 at 10:39 am

This is Halloween. Needs moar “BLÜCHER!” .. uh, “Klobuchar!”

Chichikovovich October 31, 2011 at 10:51 am

Blücher, eh? So Cain facing these charges is like Napoleon finished off by the Prussians? Not bad at all. And it's nice that Michelle Bachmann isn't hogging all the Waterloo references.

Steverino247 October 31, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Gebhard Leberecht von Blücher, Fürst von Wahlstatt! Gotta love old "Marschall Vorwärts": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gebhard_Leberecht_vo

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 11:12 am

Justin Bieber would like to have a word.

Goonemeritus October 31, 2011 at 10:39 am

While sexual harassment is certainly heinous, prominent conservatives have weathered the storm by shoveling wheelbarrows at it (Bill O’Reilly). What I find almost as damaging is he is a former lobbyist…Icky.

El Pinche October 31, 2011 at 10:43 am

Now we know why his campaign manager smokes outside the door. He's guarding Cain getting his fuckyfuckyfuckystan on.

Tundra Grifter October 31, 2011 at 11:23 am

Wouldn't it just be easier to hang a necktie on the outside doorknob?

grex1949 October 31, 2011 at 10:44 am

"…prominent Conservative targeted by liberals…" Right, just like McCain was "targeted by liberals" in the 2000 primary season. Way to go, Karl. Your fingerprints are all over this one. BTW, "hush money" releases ought to be declared void as against public policy, IMHO.

GregComlish October 31, 2011 at 10:45 am

Dear Dipshit:

The allegations were published in The POLITICO for the Monday morning headlines and were perfectly positioned in the news cycle to dominate the rest of the week. This isn't the handwork of liberals, it's the signature of establishment Republicans elbowing you and your buffoonish campaign out of the race. And just like Mitt shipped Perry back to camp Niggerhead, you're being delivered back to pizza-pizza-stan-istan where you belong.

And instead of fighting back, you just take it like a good little patsy, play along and pretend that it was really the big mean liberals who broke the story. Jesus, you're a pussy. Stop blaming liberals and start blaming the one person responsible for the story who isn't you: Mitt. Politically this is an even better strategy than blaming liberals because Mitt is the only Republican that your base hates even more than liberals. I don't even know why I have to explain this to you since your campaign wouldn't even exist if Mitt wasn't so reviled. Stop being a pussy. Take the gloves off and go after the Mitt!

Chichikovovich October 31, 2011 at 10:48 am

Dear conservatives howling on Freep and other outlets for, uh, reasoned debate:

Remember during the Democratic primaries four years ago, when Richard Mellon Scaife met with Hilary C and expressed his admiration for her? And Karl Rove appeared regularly on Fox News to talk about how fine a candidate Hilary is and how she would be the hardest to beat? And all the right-wing senators talked about how there had been skepticism about Hilary at the outset, but that she had earned "great respect" from even the most conservative ideologues for her work ethic and seriousness?

That is how people behave when they want someone to be the nominee and believe they have a stockpile of ammunition to beat them. Democrats aren't usually as good as true masters of the art like Rove at such blatant cynicism, but they try. If they have goods on Cain, they will hold them until the election, thank you very much, and praise him until then. Because every liberal (and even genuine socialists, like me) in the country believes that Cain would be toast in the general election. It's possible we're wrong about that – we thought the Decider was hopeless too – but I assure you that's what we believe. So this material (appearing in conservative outlets, mark well) has undoubtedly come from Cain's Republican opponents, or the Republican establishment.

This has been your monthly glimpse into the real world. Now you can go back to the Fox Fantasy Channel.

Chet Kincaid October 31, 2011 at 11:13 am

No liberal believes he has any chance of actually getting the nomination. Remember, all of Cain's momentum is from bullshit polls, and nobody has voted for anything yet. (If bullshit polls this far out decided anything, Hilary would be President right now.) But the confusion and nonsense is great to have, for as long as possible, on their side, so please, crazies, brazen it out and stay in the race as long as you can!

Chichikovovich October 31, 2011 at 11:27 am

True, I guess I find it inconceivable that he could win the nomination. But over the years I've come to have a great respect for my sheer inability to predict what is going to fly with the 27%'ers. I would never have imagined how seamlessly they could blend reflex "support-the-troops"-ism with purple heart bandaids, for example. That a stretch of National Guard duty spackled with unexplained absences could be counted as more creditable during a time of war than facing enemy fire in Vietnam. So I just stand back in awe of the mindless, relentless power of the groupthink – like the Fundy tides or Krakatoa.

Chet Kincaid October 31, 2011 at 11:33 am

Or herds of wildebeests, sweeping majestically…

fuflans October 31, 2011 at 12:55 pm

and he doesn't have money or ground operation. that's all that really matters. still.

but hey, let's not stop the funride.

(nice post too chichi…)

Tundra Grifter October 31, 2011 at 11:26 am

Don't forget Boss "I wasn't wrong; I was misinformed" BlunderRush's "Operation Chaos." That worked out well for the GNoP, now didn't it?

Why would anyone take election advice from him, or Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot? uh InSannity or Off-the-Mark Levin? Would you use a mechanic who has never driven a car?

GOPCrusher October 31, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Yeah, President Obama kind of blew up in Karl Rove's face. I'm sure he had six months worth of stuff lined up to use if Hillary Clinton would have been the nominee. Never in his wildest nightmares did he honestly believe that a black man would get the nomination.
And I'm sure he's doing whatever it takes to make sure that Herb Cain will never get a sniff of the Republiklan nomination.

GregComlish October 31, 2011 at 10:50 am

Also Ginny Thomas called and asked about a 3-way

widestanceshakedown October 31, 2011 at 10:54 am

Meet-up at TGIFs?

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 11:13 am

DO NOT WANT.

prommie October 31, 2011 at 11:35 am

Hey, now Ginny Thomas, there is a women who appreciates a strong black man. not like the puling puke liberal bedwetters. Ginny Thomas loves a strong black man. A strong, stupid black man.

Ducksworthy October 31, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Well stoopid for shore. Impeach Clarence Thomas.

sezme October 31, 2011 at 11:02 am

trying to mop up a Gulf-sized oil spill with paper towels
Santorum could have told him that a paper towel is not a napkin.

Slim_Pickins October 31, 2011 at 11:34 am

There hasn't been a bimbo eruption since the late second millennium, rent boy eruptions, yes, bimbo eruptions, no.

Chet Kincaid October 31, 2011 at 11:47 am

"Ladies, this is the National Breast and Ass Association, so you better have some meat-packin' experience!"

Generation[redacted] October 31, 2011 at 11:48 am

Does this mean he has to change the title of his memoirs?

seppdecker October 31, 2011 at 11:52 am

Given that he learned his politics from Fox News, it's no surprise that he learned how to deliver pizza from pornos. Either way, screw the customer.

WhatTheHeck October 31, 2011 at 11:55 am

Cain got his mojo (potatoes) workin.

El Pinche October 31, 2011 at 11:55 am

Seriously though, this has Perry's paws all over it. It smells of dirty Texas politics.

jus_wonderin October 31, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I bet he was just testing a concept for an added value menu item…cheesy head.

OccupytheDashboard October 31, 2011 at 12:10 pm

smegma?

HateMachine October 31, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Cain's dream running mate confirmed to be Long Dong Silver.

Guppy October 31, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Why is "Conservative" capitalized? Is he running for Parliament?

Mahousu October 31, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Latest word is that the women were allegedly paid $250,000 each. So the "five figures" were five $50,000s?

KenLayIsAlive October 31, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Is this his way of calling Mitt Romney a liberal again? Because clearly, like, they're the ones who put this out.

DocChaos October 31, 2011 at 12:51 pm

How exactly does failing to comply with liberal PC notions of workplace behavior hurt Cain's bid for the Republican nomination? I think the Cain campaign leaked this themselves to contrast the obviously pussy-whipped Romney and limp-wristed Perry.

donner_froh October 31, 2011 at 1:26 pm

People who can think dismiss Cain as a candidate because he is a goofball. Other people (Tea Party, etc.) pretend to support him until they can find a white candidate insane enough for them.

Dr_Zoidberg October 31, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Wow, I never knew that, as a liberal, I had this much power! Boy, have I been wasting my life – I'm off now to tarnish the good name of Rick Perry!

ttommyunger October 31, 2011 at 1:37 pm

I am only surprised that the litigants are female.

owhatever October 31, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Sorry, Herm, it wasn't the liberals. For Halloween, Karl Rove dug up the stinking zombie corpse of Lee Atwater and presto, here's a sex lawsuit payoff.

Neoyorquino October 31, 2011 at 2:10 pm

"Hey lady. Did you order a pepperoni pizza? Here's your pizza — and here's your pepperoni!" *(cue music: "bow-chika-a-bow-chika-bow-wow).

Antispandex October 31, 2011 at 2:11 pm

So, just so I undestand this, the "liberals" made this organization pay off a claim (that was totally untrue) years before he was running for President, to derail his campaign? I so want to be a liberal! They're the smart people!

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Insanely Complicated Conspiracies R Us®

awwalk56 October 31, 2011 at 2:22 pm

I just heard him on the news. I think it went something like this, " ind my fordy years ind bidness i neva sexally horrass anybodies. Dis iz nothin' mo dan a smear campaign by da PPP da plan parenthood peoples. Some peoples mida mistood my Fertiletilliatation plan dat iz ind drect oppasition of da PPP. My Fetiletilliatation plan iz a 999 plan alsos. 9 inches, 9times befo 9 ind da mornin. I cants wait untils I debatatize Barack Obama"!.

Steverino247 October 31, 2011 at 2:56 pm

I noted how Mr. Cain wants the accusers brought forward. Yeah, except for the fact they signed non-disclosure statements and likely want to never think about the incidents again…

grex1949 October 31, 2011 at 7:46 pm

Non-disclosure agreements always have a "liquidated damages" clause, which means the victims have to pay (occasionally more than they received in the settlement) in the event they disclose the terms of the settlement. All Cain would have to do is prove that the plaintiffs disclosed information, and they would be subject to a judgment for violation of the non-disclosure agreement. You won't be hearing the plaintiffs' side of the story, rest assured. This, of course, is fundamentally unfair.

elviouslyqueer October 31, 2011 at 4:10 pm
lochnessmonster October 31, 2011 at 5:29 pm

leaked by the GOP because they don't want Cain. Anyone seen Rove or Delay?

finallyhappy October 31, 2011 at 5:36 pm

So the news is Michael Jackson and then Halloween in Georgetown. Thank you,NBC 4

glamourdammerung October 31, 2011 at 5:44 pm

It is always someone else's fault. Even when they do whatever it is they are accused of. Sadly predictable.

voodooeconomics October 31, 2011 at 7:07 pm

heck it looks like that the GOP Bugman Karl Rove is trying to undo this Bat named Cain. No need to look for the Librul devilsfor that.

awwalk56 October 31, 2011 at 7:18 pm

You got to admire the Rubagainstmecans for having the guts for wanting to nominate the first 'stank for my hangdown' candidate.

rocktonsam October 31, 2011 at 8:06 pm

I was hoping he'd be better at denial.
not because he's black
Blovember can't get here soon enough

fuflans November 1, 2011 at 12:00 am

what the fuck is on that pizza?

mayor_quimby November 1, 2011 at 10:34 am

This awesome comment is from the local ATL fishwrapper story about Herb skipping a GOP gathering here today. Long Live God, Jesus and free-market principles – Is that the new holy trinity? Somebody has to break the news to the Holy Spirit that it was not pulling it's weight.

Bill Orvis White
November 1st, 2011
10:16 am

Herman will get through this storm because He has a strong faith in the Lord Almighty. Herman’s devotion to God, Jesus and free market principles will prove that this strong man will be in the Oval Office come January 2013 and save this once-free nation from ruin.

See this video with Herman singing. It brought me to tears:
http://cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/politics/2011

Amen,
Bill

BZ1 November 1, 2011 at 11:12 am

"Oh what a tangled web you weave when first you practice to deceive?" Sir Walter Scott (sorry for they allusion to literacy)

owhatever November 1, 2011 at 6:59 pm

I guess it never occurred to Mister Cain to say "It never happened," then sue them right back for defamation, and take the whole thing to court for full and open hearing.

Chet Kincaid October 31, 2011 at 11:56 am

In the real world, you have to draw a line in the sand and stick with it. There are always plenty of people your own age to fuck.

prommie October 31, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Then view it, and discuss it, as an arbitrary measure necessitated by the impracticability of testing each and every relationship to determine if there is an unaccetable degree of power disparity or exploitation. As opposed to some universal moral constant which divides 'despicable monsters" from "normal humans."

Chet Kincaid October 31, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Those arguments always seem to me to be just rationalizations for "I, a man and/or adult, want to receive sexual gratification from this woman and/or child, and I don't give a fuck what he/she wants or is equipped to handle."

prommie October 31, 2011 at 1:10 pm

You got me!

TitsAkimbo October 31, 2011 at 5:00 pm

But is there a McRib pizza, that's what I need to know.

TitsAkimbo October 31, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Hmmm, is this code?

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