JESUSWEEN  3:32 pm October 28, 2011

Last Minute ‘Sexy Halloween Politics’ Costumes To Ruin Parties and Lives

by Ken Layne

A couple of Tiffany pendants will finish the look nicely.Oh oh what to “be” for Halloween this year, tomorrow, when the big party happens somewhere? This is an annual problem for America’s infantile, sexually repressed adults — when you aren’t “being anything” during the rest of the year but a consumer schlub scared to death of getting fired from a job you deeply hate — so we are here to help. For example, here’s a super easy “Sexy Newt Gingrich Behind the Zoo” costume you can put together with a real-hair Newt Gingrich full-head mask from the surgery supply store and a bunch of stuffed animals you can easily find behind any hospital.

Remember his hit song, 'Me So Horny'?Sexy Assassinated Osama Bin Laden: Show your support of sexy “western values” with this slutty assassinated Bin Laden disguise. Anybody can be killed by the U.S. government at any time, for any reason — whether you’re a terrorist mastermind or just too sexy!

It's not okay to be this sexy.Sexy Ethnic Protesting People Using His/Her Cultural Costume As a Halloween Cultural Costume: One thing people don’t like this year is other people dressing in the “native costume” of other people. So, it’s no longer allowed to be a Sexy Indian Chief or a Sexy Rabbi or a Horny Eskimo or a Slutty Russian Hooker or anything like that. Instead, use this idea we stole from some insane comment on Metafilter, and make a “styrofoam box poster” of these “It’s Not Okay” posters, and then otherwise dress as an “Extra-dimensional whore from the Black and White Lodge.”

Remember when Elton John sang a song about this guy being killed by Arabs?Sexy Prince Harry the Nazi: You cannot make this costume sexy, because it involves inbred English/German “royalty” and the mockery of the Holocaust. But if you wear this costume, you are an actual gazillionaire “royal,” so good for you.

Oh bondage, up yours.Sexy Marcus Bachmann: Are you a portly closeted gay man running some scam-artist “I will fix you of Being Teh Ghey” clinic, and also the beard-spouse of an insane lady who is running for president? Then you are already so sexy, all you have to do is be Marcus Bachmann, or somehow get his head onto your sexy body! The possibilities are limitless/meaningless. Do it now.

 
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{ 200 comments }

actor212 October 28, 2011 at 3:34 pm

I'm going as Sexy Herman the Hutt

Generation[redacted] October 28, 2011 at 4:30 pm

I hope you have a slave Princess Vespa to go with that!

Lascauxcaveman October 28, 2011 at 4:47 pm

And may the Schwartz be With You.

nounverb911 October 28, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Coming as Michele Bachmannn is scary enough.

MaxNeanderthal October 28, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Cumming anywhere near BacMan is impossible….

actor212 October 28, 2011 at 3:41 pm

It's a power up for Marcus. Then he turns around and eats you.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:08 pm

"Coming as Michele Bachmannn is scary enough."

Worst. Pun. Ever.

DerrickWildcat October 28, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Newt killed Knut.

BaldarTFlagass October 28, 2011 at 3:36 pm

I'm going to repeat the one I gave the other day, because I posted late and I don't think many saw it:

I'm gonna make a hand puppet that looks like a Muslim terrorist, call him Lamb Chop Your Hand Off, and go as Sharia Lawis.

sorry for the repeat, those of you that did see it…

Geminisunmars October 28, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Thank Goddess I didn't miss this.

ShitFilledExistence October 28, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Whenever I think of Lamb Chop, I always think of this South Park clip.

ShaveTheWhales October 28, 2011 at 9:37 pm

I liked it then, I like it now.

Negropolis October 28, 2011 at 10:38 pm

Sharia "Warrior Princess" Lawless would be even better.

Indiepalin October 28, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Rush Limbaugh has entire ad campaign selling costumes such as "El Rushbo" and other such flotsem. I prefer "PC" outfits, such as the mascot of the Washington Redskins or, better, Chief Wahoo.

weejee October 28, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Don't forget the late zombie Chief Illiniwek.

Occupy V572 October 28, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Ridiculing the culture we systematically destroyed as a matter of policy never gets old. "Here're some nice blankets for your people, Chief!"

Antispandex October 28, 2011 at 3:37 pm

My wife wanted to be either Sarah Palin, or a Ho. I'm thinking…both?

MaxNeanderthal October 28, 2011 at 3:43 pm

The Ho, people won't respect you otherwise…

chicken_thief October 28, 2011 at 3:51 pm

I'm really slow today – can someone explain the difference to me?

LabRodent October 28, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Ho's go away after they get paid.

baconzgood October 28, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Hos don't quit 1/2 way through.

Callyson October 28, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Hos earn their money.

Negropolis October 28, 2011 at 10:40 pm

You all are diamonds, pure, non-conflict whore-diamonds. Sarah Palin? Fool's gold.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Hos are still relevant to anyone?
Hos only Ho themselves, and don't pimp out their kids?
Hos have at least some standards?

Occupy V572 October 28, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Ho Chi Minh? Hot!

OneDollarJuana October 28, 2011 at 4:19 pm

If she wants to be Lou Sarah, she's gonna need a turkey and a meat grinder, too.

Jukesgrrl October 28, 2011 at 4:36 pm

In either case, make sure she remembers to carry a big enough bag to stuff the money in.

Chillwaver October 28, 2011 at 4:55 pm

All of them, Katie. (I can't believe no one said it after 8 replies!)

SexySmurf October 28, 2011 at 3:38 pm

I was going to market a sexy SexySmurf costume, but I was afraid it would be so sexy that people would die from exploding boners (and exploding girl boners).

Chillwaver October 28, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Where is Zombie Reagan???

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 4:04 pm

On the lips of every Republican candidate and wingnut pundit.

Interpret 'on the lips' as you will.

ShaveTheWhales October 28, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Dead, praise Jeebus.

Negropolis October 28, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Somewhere terrorizing the children of Simi Valley, I'm sure.

**beating his fist against the side of a foreclosure**

"Tear down this wall!"

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:16 pm

In the white house for at least 4 and possibly as many as 8 years.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 28, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Wow – you got Volume 1, Number 1.
I'm impressed!

DerrickWildcat October 28, 2011 at 3:39 pm

It is NOT ok to dress up as a sexy pet Cat!

SorosBot October 28, 2011 at 3:39 pm

So Newt's too sexy for his shirt; so sexy, it hurts?

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:17 pm

It hurts my eyes.

Come here a minute October 28, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Trick-or-Treating PRO TIP:

1. Dress in whatever clothes are at the bottom of the dirty clothes pile.
2. Write "Occupy Wall Street" on a piece of cardboard.
3. Knock on a door in a fancy neighborhood.
4. When the door is opened, instead of saying, "Trick or Treat!", just step into the foyer and sit down on your cardboard sign.

HALLOWEEN ACCOMPLISHED!

Jukesgrrl October 28, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Sending you a treat bag full of imaginary p for that idea.

prommie October 28, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I will be in the sincerest pumpkin patch in the world, waiting for the great pumpkin. I hate halloween, it is now the ghey christmas and new years all in one, and just like new years eve is when amatuer drinkers drink, halloween is now when amatuers try to go "camp" and trashy and sexy and be hot messes, and its just so vulgar.

actor212 October 28, 2011 at 3:42 pm

it is now the ghey christmas

The egg nog tastes sticky.

SorosBot October 28, 2011 at 3:44 pm

It's the day for young women to get dressed up in super-slutty outfits, and I for one love it.

Lascauxcaveman October 28, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Yes. The true meaning of Halloween.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:20 pm

*folds hands reverently*
Let us all remember and never forget what really matters… It is all about the sluttage.

JoshuaNorton October 28, 2011 at 3:45 pm

it is now the ghey christmas

Which apparently makes Easter the ghey hallowe'en.

actor212 October 28, 2011 at 3:56 pm

I thought that was Gheybor Day?

Mumbletypeg October 28, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Would the more appropos way to spend it, to your manner of thinking, be akin to a well-stocked bar/ salon, not overrun with excess noise or zombie traffic, yet where the women come and go / talking of Michelangelo Edgar Allan Poe?

FakaktaSouth October 28, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Slutty people do not appreciate everyone dressing like us on all Hallow's either. Can I get one of those signs? I'm a slut, not your halloween costume?
Also, there's this Booing "tradition" that someone (Zombie Martha Stewart?) just made up about putting baskets of stuff on people's porches, have you heard of this? It's just entirely anti-gamahoochian. It's way precious though, that is for sure. You get a sign and everything for your door to go next to your Halloween WREATH because it IS the Nightmare Christmas.

prommie October 28, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Gamahoochian!

prommie October 28, 2011 at 4:20 pm

The word, "gamahooch," I love it because it expresses the sheer joyful enthusiasm with which I tend to throw myself into the act; its like yelling "Geronimo" before going down.

FakaktaSouth October 28, 2011 at 4:30 pm

You must have incredible aim.
I wonder what would happen if I started yelling something before going down on anything. That sounds awesome/terrorizing (depending on the thing yelled I suppose. Geronimo would make me happy I think. Echo echo echo is off limits, but otherwise…)

prommie October 28, 2011 at 4:34 pm

I just quoted TMBG!

prommie October 28, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Thar she blows!?

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:19 pm

"I hate halloween, it is now the ghey christmas"

*sound of game show buzzer*
ENNNNTTT!
Halloween is not the ghey christmas, it is the satan christmas.

emmelemm October 28, 2011 at 3:40 pm

a consumer schlub scared to death of getting fired from a job you deeply hate

Quit reading my diary, Ken Layne!

prommie October 28, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I resemble that remark as well. Though I have to admit I am more afraid of snapping and quitting than of getting fired, if I get fired, I can get unemployment.

emmelemm October 28, 2011 at 3:53 pm

My job does have its good points, and I do have health insurance; I wouldn't exactly call it "golden handcuffs", cuz I don't make that much money, but it's certainly "eating on a regular basis and going to the doctor" handcuffs.

But it's "unfulfilling" and I am "dead inside". Whah whah, poor me.

jus_wonderin October 28, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Emme, you need to get a pet gerbil.

emmelemm October 28, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Is that a Richard Gere type comment?

Or is that a "you need a friend" comment? I have a dog. He's my best friend and the only one who understands me. He looks remarkably like the dog in your avatar. He's also 16 years old and in very failing health, and sucking up all my disposable income in his vet bills.

Hmm, a gerbil would certainly be cheaper.

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 4:17 pm

But you blossom like a precious snark-flower here on Wonkette.

emmelemm October 28, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Snark-flower! Aw! My Friday is lookin' up, people. Looking UP!

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 28, 2011 at 4:30 pm

If only I could self-actualize…

prommie October 28, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful.

FakaktaSouth October 28, 2011 at 4:53 pm

I don't want the world, I just want your half.

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 5:10 pm

I would be content if my life could be used as a cautionary tale of excess and self-indulgence.

GunToting[Redacted] October 28, 2011 at 5:20 pm

I just want a rock to wind a piece of string around.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm

"But it's "unfulfilling" and I am "dead inside". Whah whah, poor me."

Some people have found it refreshing to write up a long, wordy, whiney rant about how *THEY* pay for everything, and if everybody didn't bow down and kiss their rich ass, there wouldn't be any jerbs for the third grade teachers and yardwork-doing browns, so if everyone doesn't get with the program, they're gonna take their toys and go home, SO THERE!

Oh, wait, that's for people who are "dead inside" and also "have a grotesque, unearned, sense of entitlement". Probably not you, huh?

JoshuaNorton October 28, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Needz moar Jesusween. Whatever the fu*k that is.

nounverb911 October 28, 2011 at 3:43 pm

It's what was left over after his bris.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 28, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I was going to go as a giant boob, but then I figured everyone would confuse me with the writing staff of NRO.

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 28, 2011 at 4:31 pm

That and everyone would want to keep touching you. Ewwww.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Plus, after about the tenth time somebody asked you, "Got milk?", it would really get on your nerves.

OccupytheDashboard October 28, 2011 at 3:41 pm

OT, but one of my favorites.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/149026/nicks-co

BaldarTFlagass October 28, 2011 at 3:41 pm

"One thing people don’t like this year is other people dressing in the “native costume” of other people."

I'm going to wear the dishdasha I had made when I was in Kuwait. I live in Heavy Republican-ville, so I should not get in any PC trouble. Though I might get shot.

nounverb911 October 28, 2011 at 3:41 pm

What are the official teabagger approved "Jeebusween" costumes?

Blueb4sunrise October 28, 2011 at 4:12 pm
An_Outhouse October 28, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Headless Ronald Reagan.

Gunner Asch October 28, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Knee pads

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:32 pm

A bunch of old English guys, apparently.

Billmatic October 28, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I'm going as undead zombie child eating Michelle Bachmann

And for your information it is not at all differenent from my "regular, living" Michelle Bachmann costume. Well other than the baby doll with the big bitemark in it.

Mapmonger October 28, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Is that a
Zombie, child-eating, Michele Bachmann
or is it a
Zombie child, eating Michele Bachmann? Because each is funny in its own way.

SorosBot October 28, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Being married to Marcus I'm pretty sure Michele has never been eaten; that's probably the source of some of the crazy.

weejee October 28, 2011 at 3:45 pm

The hawt Wall Street trader costume is to wear a condom stretched over the head like a stocking cap and going to the party as a dick. Well, yes one might wonder if that is a costume at all.

Occupy V572 October 28, 2011 at 4:01 pm

The current vogue for shaved skulls among balding white men of a certain age is a reliable indicator of dickery. Yes Alec "Bald"win said going bald with dignity is a myth, but shaving your head is uncool unless you happen to be Michael Jordan.

weejee October 28, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Surprised Ken didn't Photoshop this one for the purrfect Newtie costume. Too slender?

Occupy V572 October 28, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Ack! Not safe for dreams!

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Dickish or not, for Donald Trump it would be an infinite improvement. And it wouldn't be possible for him to become a bigger dick.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:33 pm

"The current vogue for shaved skulls among balding white men of a certain age is a reliable indicator of dickery"

Meh, some guys can rock the look, and some can't.
It's like every other trend; it doesn't necessarily look good on everyone who adopts it.

Occupy V572 October 29, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Not saying it can't look good (depends on skull structure?), just that most who affect it tend to be jerks. Don't know why, only backed up by anecdata. Like the well-known Short Man Syndrome.

jus_wonderin October 28, 2011 at 3:46 pm

I am already an alien in human form, so I might just lower the attenuation on my human cloaking disquise and walk around naked, so to speak. Thus letting down my alien hair.

Of course, everybody will know it is me with my NPR coffee mug in my suction claw.

prommie October 28, 2011 at 3:46 pm

I do have to say that I would so hit that dead Osama. With a bag over his head, of course.

BaldarTFlagass October 28, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Hey, you don't look at the mantlepiece while you're stirring the fire.

chicken_thief October 28, 2011 at 3:56 pm

One shot in the head, and now…. a little lower!

baconzgood October 28, 2011 at 4:05 pm

He was a butter-face.

Nice body butter-face

CrunchyKnee October 28, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I'm going as a sexy stock trader, and then take everyone's jerbs!!!!111!!

Watch out!

baconzgood October 28, 2011 at 3:47 pm

You're a warped unit Ken.

succalina October 28, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I'm going as David Wu in his tiger suit. Not sure if I can handle the other suit he has worn: that of a gross old man (him) having sexy time with an 18 yr old daughter of a campaign donor. Ugh.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 28, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I was going to go as a Wisconsin legislator, but I'd probably get taken out by the cops within 5 minutes. And my Madoff mask just got me egged something awful, last year. I'd stuff dollar bills in my pockets, and go out as Mittens, but the damned 99% would just grab the money, being all greedy and lazy nowadays.

A sombrero, and a ladder … I think that's the ticket this year … so long as I carry my papers.

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 4:12 pm

You could go as 'teabagger mistletoe':
http://wonkette.com/454871/herman-cains-dumb-ille

Dang, I need to finally learn HTML.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 28, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Nothing to it:
Paste in the link, hit save, then hit edit.
Your link shows up twice, with a bunch of html gibberish around it.
Replace the second link (everything between > and < ) with whatever you want to appear in your post, and save again. Voila! We are impressed!

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Thank you. Here goes:
Biel_ze_Bubba's Halloween Costume

Yay!

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I'm ashamed at how slow I've been to learn this stuff.

I am a former assembly language programmer.

poncho_pilot October 28, 2011 at 3:52 pm

i don't it'd be too difficult to get Marcus's head on your body if you're a guy. probably all you have to do is ask.

tihond October 28, 2011 at 3:52 pm

My partner and I are doing couples costumes… I'm going as Henry Kissinger and he's going as Robert Evans.

OneYieldRegular October 28, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Just great. *I* wanted to go as Robert Evans. Now I guess I'll have to go as Ali McGraw.

prommie October 28, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I love Robert Evans. He has been revived and become an icon and a god because of this wave of Pan Am and Mad Men inspired Sexism Nostalgia that is sweeping the nation. Ahh, remember the double standard, and treating women as sex objects, and quid-pro-quo sexual harrassment as one of the perks of having a powerful job? Ah, good times.

Blueb4sunrise October 28, 2011 at 3:52 pm
baconzgood October 28, 2011 at 4:01 pm

You've been following me around on Saturdays again.

Blueb4sunrise October 28, 2011 at 4:15 pm

I'm usually not sober enough to follow anyone around.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 28, 2011 at 4:11 pm

You've linked to my family photos.
*tears*

JoshuaNorton October 28, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Funniest take on candy corn ever by Lewis Black:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BVPOEn6_oY

Kills me every time I hear it.

prommie October 28, 2011 at 4:45 pm

I'd rather eat the corn out of a turd than eat candy corn.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:47 pm

You can probably get some wingnut politician pay you plenty to watch that.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 28, 2011 at 3:53 pm

I’m going to go as Ronald McDonald only my clothes will be ripped and dirty and I’ll have a big paper bag of food that says eat shit and die on it.

Goonemeritus October 28, 2011 at 3:53 pm

I’ll be handing out candy all night and if any Ron Paul’s impersonators show up I will be handing them gold painted rocks.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 28, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I'm handing out edible bibles. They tastes like lies.

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 4:32 pm

If your handing out rocks, you might want to board up the windows. Although, the changes of children dressing as Ron Paul strike me as vanishingly small. So you'll have nice pile of decorative gold painted rocks left over.

MaxNeanderthal October 28, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Get yourself up as Discworld's Death and crash your local Teaparty'weener's party. When they ask what you're there for, you say "YOU KNOW THE SAYING ABOUT THE ONLY TWO CERTAIN THINGS IN LIFE ARE DEATH AND TAXES? I'M NOT HERE FOR YOUR MONEY…"

Biel_ze_Bubba October 28, 2011 at 4:49 pm

I just found out there are a few Discworld movies
Jermy Irons! Tim Curry! Christopher Lee (as the voice of Death)!!!
Hysterical stuff, and well worth watching.

Occupy V572 October 28, 2011 at 3:56 pm

No good ideas in this month's Tranny Hunters, or do you just read it for the articles as I do?

baconzgood October 28, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Trannies are the most dangerous game.

weejee October 28, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Dracula would agree.

wait…

what??

Antispandex October 28, 2011 at 3:59 pm

"Prime Minister David Cameron, (on) Friday called for the stalemate to be resolved. He said he supported the right to protest, but this did not include "the freedom to pitch a tent almost anywhere you want to in London."

I just found this quote in another story, and it has inspired me to dress as David Cameron…pitching a tent.

jus_wonderin October 28, 2011 at 4:04 pm

David William Donald Cameron? Or Willie, as he is known to really close friends.

Jukesgrrl October 28, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Don't forget to add the condom on your shaved head so your audience will know without a doubt that Willie is a dick.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Or you could show up without a shirt and say you just came in your pants.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 28, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Maybe I'll go as a Republican idea for creating jobs or a ghost, same thing really.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 28, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Wouldn't you have to not show up?

DerrickWildcat October 28, 2011 at 4:00 pm

It is NOT ok to dress up as a sexy White person!

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Unsexy, crazy Callista Gingrich with a giant axe:
http://sparklepony.blogspot.com/2011/10/quickie-c

OccupytheDashboard October 28, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Heeeer's Johnny!

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Even Nicholson can't compete with Callista in the 'crazy eyes' event. She even beat 'One L'.

emmelemm October 28, 2011 at 4:59 pm

HOLY Shitake Mushrooms, Batman!

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 5:03 pm

I love Sparkle Pony.

RadioOcupados October 28, 2011 at 4:00 pm

I'm dressing up as an imperfectly photoshopped image.

jus_wonderin October 28, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Pixel Libul!!!!

Allmighty_Manos October 28, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I'm going as a Wall Street trader which consists of pissing in everyone's drinks, picking their pockets and then gettiing outraged when someone confronts me on it.

jus_wonderin October 28, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I could dress up as your leaflet and you could continuously drop me on other party goers.

DaRooster October 28, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I'm gonna go as Governturd Walker… been a while since I've been in a good donnybrook… although there would be too many of them.

ManchuCandidate October 28, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I like my costumes with ambiguity. Is it the StayPuft Marshmellow man or Newt?

ShitFilledExistence October 28, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I can still go as Sexy Klansman, right? Or no?

ManchuCandidate October 28, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Don't forget your pink remote control dildo!

meatlofer October 28, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I'm going as Nelson Cruz,dropping a fly by the wall,COSTING ME 40 Large,fucking CUNT.

baconzgood October 28, 2011 at 4:14 pm

As a Cubs fan you will get no love from Baconz! October 14, 2003 NEVER FORGET!

weejee October 28, 2011 at 4:20 pm

As an Ms fan, not much sympathy from here. It's not constant rain in C'Addle, it's tears.

emmelemm October 28, 2011 at 4:58 pm

As I look out the window… it's raining right now.

Shut up elitist! Your office has a window? Yeah, yeah it does.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:52 pm

"Your office has a window?"

You have an office??
You lucky BASTARD!!
I have a windowless basement with poop on the floor!

Biel_ze_Bubba October 28, 2011 at 4:57 pm

One of his guys muffed an easy out in Game 6 that would have won the Series? Us Boston fans ain't gonna be too sympathetic.

That was a mind-boggler of a game last night.

littlebigdaddy October 28, 2011 at 4:12 pm

A sexy bloodied Qaddafi in his last minutes…too soon?

weejee October 28, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Getting sodomized, too, also.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 28, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Depends … do you enjoy being beaten with shoes?

littlebigdaddy October 28, 2011 at 10:01 pm

By very slightly sweat-stained size twelve Blahniks owned by a tranny dominatrix who lovingly applies them to my waiting ass. Wait, what?

An_Outhouse October 28, 2011 at 4:12 pm

I'm going as sexy headless Ronald Reagan and I'm bringing my little dog all dressed up as Margaret Thatcher.

Chillwaver October 28, 2011 at 4:13 pm

I'm celebrating JesusWeen by wearing a Judas costume.

OneDollarJuana October 28, 2011 at 4:22 pm

I'm celebrating JesusWeen by drinking a lot and occasionally exasperating "Jesus K-rist!"

El Pinche October 28, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I'm going as my neighbor's grampa (I've seen him but I don't him). Creepy is Halloween!

proudgrampa October 28, 2011 at 4:16 pm

To paraphrase Robert Benchley, I am getting out of wearing a costume tonight and getting into a nice, dry martini.

RadioOcupados October 28, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Calista G. would be perfect as a Holocaust survivor. And then say any resemblance to a Jew s totally coincidence.

OneYieldRegular October 28, 2011 at 4:20 pm

One member of my household is dressing up for Halloween as Valerie Solanas wearing a burqa. Of course, no one will know it's Valerie Solanas under that thing, but that's sort of her point.

WhatTheHeck October 28, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Jesus Christ, Ken. That image on top. I just this minute returned from lunch.
I hope your photoshop takes a dump.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 1:01 pm

"I hope your photoshop takes a dump."

Judging by the pictures, I think it already did.

Geminisunmars October 28, 2011 at 4:44 pm

I like dogs more than most people I know. Except a few blue dogs.

Pat_Pending October 28, 2011 at 4:54 pm

I wanted me and my husband to go as Sonny and Cher. He won't do the wig and heels. Stupid fuck.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 28, 2011 at 5:01 pm

You didn't really want to listen to him belting out "Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves", did you?

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Go as a big fat cat in a business suit, with a sock puppet representing the politician of your choice.

Or the monocled, top-hatted guy from Monopoly would also work.

Callyson October 28, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Jesus Christ, after seeing those images, I may never have sex again…

Isyaignert October 28, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Some people are cutting out that creepy Michele Bachmann Newsweak cover to use as a mask. It's just about the right size. Cut out the eyes so you don't run into anything, but you'll have to look crazy all night. Tequila or Ouzo should help.

littlebigdaddy October 28, 2011 at 10:04 pm

I am disturbed, because I have asked all my FB friends (I have no real ones) what I should be for Halloween (Jebusween) and they all say "the dude." I mean, I know how a rug can pull together a room, but I am not that good a bowler.

littlebigdaddy October 28, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Ken, if you have that 1(1) issue of Gay Bondage, my guess is it's worth big bucks. Maybe try to sell it next summer in Tampa? Keep the Wonkette going for another couple of years prolly.

ttommyunger October 28, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Actually, Halloween is the only day of the year I don't get a lot of strange looks…Sorry, you have to know me to get this.

Negropolis October 28, 2011 at 10:50 pm

What? No "Sexy Herbert Hoover" costume or "Eric Can't-or-Won't" or "Zombie Winehouse"?

I so want to crash a party as "Occupy Wall Street" and just shut the whole operation down. You know, just cold show up with a group of strangers you've collected off the street and hold a General Assembly in someone's home and vote them and their guest right out of their own home.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 1:02 pm

""Zombie Winehouse"?"

Wouldn't "zombie Winehouse" be sorta like "zombie Keith Richards"? I mean, who'd know?

donner_froh October 29, 2011 at 12:55 am

I'm going as an Ohio state legislator. I'll have a few too many drinks, pick up a stripper and get caught on the way to the hotel.

In fucking Indiana.

Negropolis October 29, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Or, you could be that "fucking Indiana" state legislator who paid for the rentboy that locked himself in the hotel bathroom.

So many possibilities, my friend. Indiana, Wisconsin, Ohio, your choice.

PuglyDoRight October 29, 2011 at 4:00 am

Lazy this year…a Star Trek "red shirt."

ThundercatHo October 29, 2011 at 7:54 am

"If you beam down in red, you're dead." We went with blue and gold shirts.

rocktonsam October 29, 2011 at 9:03 am

I can't wait for Blovember.

Let the 3 month drunk begin!!

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Zombie Steve Jobs?
Too soon?

DanCMH October 30, 2011 at 4:58 pm

This year for the office Halloween event I'm going as Mitt Romney. No I'm not. Yes I am. No I'm not. Yes I am. No I'm not. Yes I am. No I'm not. Yes I am…

ghblowhard October 31, 2011 at 12:56 pm

I'm going as the Singing Nun .."Dominique, nique, nique s'en allait tout simplement
Routier pauvre et chantant…"

sbj1964 November 22, 2011 at 7:13 pm

that was some funny stuff !

FakaktaSouth October 28, 2011 at 4:39 pm

WHEN? Depending on your answer, I may die.

FakaktaSouth October 28, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Noooooooo. Yoddeling, also no.

prommie October 28, 2011 at 4:49 pm

It was 60 second before that post, its just one post down, right below this thread, responding to someone's expression of angst.

prommie October 28, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Yo Ho Blow the man down?

prommie October 28, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Excelsior!

FakaktaSouth October 28, 2011 at 4:57 pm

That was good usage. Of course, yelling "Blue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch, who watches over you?" at someone's hoo-ha woulda been good too.

RavenRant October 28, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Wonkette's dirty little secret: Under all the snark and buttsex, there's a bunch of people who care about and for each other.

Don't tell anyone I spilled the hobo beans.

prommie October 28, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Hey, you're not the boss of me. Not to put too fine a point on it.

FakaktaSouth October 28, 2011 at 5:01 pm

YES.

FakaktaSouth October 28, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Excalibur! Cept that might lead to overly forceful pulling.

FakaktaSouth October 28, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet. SAY IT.
(what the fuck is that? It sounds like a bad thing to me.)

prommie October 28, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Shall we bask in the glow of each other's majestic presence?

FakaktaSouth October 28, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Hear my words, they're the ones you would think I would say

And the truth is we don't know anything

BaldarTFlagass October 28, 2011 at 5:12 pm

I dunno, with the idiots I'm surrounded by all I'd get would be Elizabeth Taylor jokes in return.

Come here a minute October 28, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Don't, don't, don't let's start.
This is the worst part.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Cautionary, schmautionary.
Plenty of people who never did the "excess and self-indulgence" thing got thrown in the garbage can by their corporate overlords the exact same way that I did. I may be a failure now, but before I was a failure, I did what I wanted to do, so fuck 'em.

tessiee October 29, 2011 at 12:29 pm

And this chair…
And this thermos…

FakaktaSouth October 29, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around…and prosthetic foreheads on their real heads.

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