Dim-bulb weirdo Orly Taitz has done it! She (barely?) managed to fill in most of the spaces on one of those U.S. Senator job application forms with a few hard-won manual scribbles and then decided to add “Dr.” before her name in the top left margin space, to make it seem serious. Comedy thanks you, Orly!
As everyone probably no longer recalls, this is not her first brush with utter campaign-related failure (now a separate category from her other divisions of total human failure) — she ran unsuccessfully for the GOP nomination for California Secretary of State in 2010. Why will voters take her seriously for this particular whirl of the psycho merry-go-round?
From a comical September interview with the Sacramento Bee:
“I think I do have a chance specifically because I do speak Spanish and I speak Hebrew,” Taitz told The Bee after attending a town hall-style event on Latino issues at the California Republican Party convention in Los Angeles.
There you have it! She is as qualified as any municipal court translator to run for Senate. [Orly Taitz/Sacramento Bee]
{ 221 comments }
Really? Isn't there enough oily taint in the senate already?
That's the santorum.
Things aren't the same since Larry Craig left.
"this is not her first brush with utter campaign-related failure"
Correction:
It is "udder" (she's a cow)
You're welcome!
Barb, glad to see the Ladybug won.
Thanks! Check out the antennae. It makes me miss Belushi. http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e324/Barb092162…
Two daughters, two phone calls-5 minutes apart, two pregnancies, both due on the same day. Today is the best day ever!
Mazel Tov! I wish you nothing but good news.
You are so wonderful, thanks so much!
Congrats Barb. After raising four boys, Ms. weejee & I think grandbabies are the reward one gets for not having killed the new parents while they were growing-up on those occasions when they richly deserved it.
Grandchildren are so cool. You just to fill them up with Pop Rocks and Mountain Dew, shake them up and hand them back quickly.
Well how's the cosmic timing on that, eh? See? I told you that the Wonkette hive-mind was sending positive love-beams your way!
Felicitaciones for new rug rats and winning bug hats!
And you were right! I want to go to the craft store and get some yarn tonight and I know that Jeffery doesn't feel like it. I'm feeling all Amish and stuff right now.
I want one of the girls to name their baby "Wonkette" Wonder what that would cost me?
BOVINE LIBEL!!!
Okay, Ill bite, where are her naturalization papers?
I want to see her long form filing.
You're the only one.
Besides, she's a dentist. You should be interested in the long-form filling.
Dentistry is theft!!!
You anti-Dentite bastard.
Hopeless Clown Orly Taitz Officially Files for Senate Loss
FIFY.
Pat Robertson won't stand for this kind of foolishness.
hahaha
John Mc Cain will. According to Megs, he's among the longest-standing Senators (in politics).
She's a dentist. They have lots of experience standing on the job. So … qualified!
GANTRY LIBEL !
I think I do have a chance specifically because I do speak Spanish and I speak Hebrew
Haha, yeah, but the fact that you are fluent in batshit crazy is gonna doom your chances, you fucking moron.
Yeah but it virtually guarantees she wins the GOP nomination.
"I think I do have a chance specifically because I do speak Spanish and I speak Hebrew”
Not even a chance to run a deli in Barcelona, you a**hat.
Damn straight. Everyone will go to the Catalan-speaking deli next door.
Orly expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Her chief weapons are…
Three of her main weapons are looking like Sacha Baron Cohen in drag, insanity, root canal work and hair color from a $5 barber. Er, four of her main weapons….
Ironically, it's English she isn't so fucking good at.
This is good news for her dental patients.
It looks like she's not quite sure how to spell her name. Is that ORLY, OALY, or DALY?
I also see she dotted her capital I the second time around. If only she had drawn a little heart, it would have been perfect.
Oral. She's a dentist?
I'd say it's OREALLY, but BillO has claimed that moniker.
Okay, we can't have literacy tests for voters, but Jesus H. Carbuncle Christ in a flaming chartreuse muu-muu, can we please have them for candidates?
hmmmmmmm, she lives there? http://maps.google.com/maps?q=29859+santa+mararit…
Hmmmmmmmm…
Burning bag of dog poo in 3…2…1…
Wrapped in a birf certificat
Like this?
Home office?
Or, in honor of Dr. Oily Taints: home orifice?
Yeech! That's one cavity even I would never fill.
Subject to change if the Quizno's cuts off her free wi-fi.
I'll bet her office is actually a booth at the Quiznos across the street. Or maybe the Pizza Hut.
There I go – not refreshing the page before posting…..
Figures she lives in a Quiznos. Crazy ass bitch.
Don't a whole bunch of rats hang out there?
We gotz her address.
#OCCUPY ORLY!!1!
NO!
Best news ever. Unless, of course, we hear that Christine O'Donnell is planning another go at it.
Sex?
Personal grooming?
The only reason why she put herself down as "Republican" is because California doesn't recognize "Completely Fucking Batshit Insane" as a political party.
Those terms are now synonymous.
Not true! California does recognize "Completely Fucking Batshit Insane" as a political party. But only at the local level.
Isn't Breitbart the chairman?
I don't know, man. Did you see the primary circus after the ouster of Guv Davis? Any state in which Gary Coleman is a gubernatorial candidate kind of corners the market on completely fucking batshit insane.
This is good news for Wonkette. And political cartoonists.
…and Jim Ward.
And Joe the Plumber. He might as well not be the only epic fail of a U.S. bicameral legislative candidate in 2012.
Jeez, Rancho Santa Margarita is a Galtish Republican master-planned-community middle-management toll-road-accessed foreclosure fucking wasteland.
Perfect metaphor for this fraud.
Why do they even bother with the fucking Spanish names?
Horray, gefilte fish tacos for everyone!
Mmmm. hot, wet tacos …
FISHY tacos
Oy.
Oy -Vey commo va.
Thanks Bonzo for the new food truck idea. First stop, the office of Dr. Orly Taitz.
It is serious. Very serious. It stands for "Dracula."
On trend, too.
I guess she's going to have to hide her association with Boris Badenov and her homicidal desire to keel moose and sqwirrel.
So she's broke and thinks she can live off campaign contributions? There's certainly a tradition for that.
Ten bucks says she can't properly track those contributions, however. There are actually laws and rules about that. She won't file properly – and she'll get in trouble, down the road, for mixing campaign and personal expenditures.
Just ask Mario Rubio about that.
We need to track this – it's not going to end well.
For her. It's going to be swell for us.
But how about English, Orly? Do you speak English?
It appears she'll finally get her chance to finish…
Did she purchase the obvious domain names yet?
TaintPAC?
Did Rick Santorum lock up "FudgePAC.org?"
oily_twatz.com
show_yer_taitz.com
No, I just looked and was going to buy them, but really why the fuck would I bother.
JZ: It's not like she's going to have the cash to buy them from you…
Exactly – or how many hits could you get from a parody. She's a parody in and of herself.
The better use of time would be a "Orly" Twitter feed. Any takers?
So is there an actual Santa Margarita? Is she the patron saint of salt encrusted glasses or strawberries and booze or what? As for the Oily one, hey, since she apparently fucks like a mink, albeit a crazy fucking mink, she'll get along fine in the senate. Crazy never stopped anyone in politics, and if she spends some of the campaign loot on a makeover and some serious therapy she might yet do well. Either that or more likely flame out in a really untoward and sad manner. Good for comedy either way!
May the Lord bless this bottle, and all who dwell within it.
Rotundo:
Rapid weasel sex is fun until you get bit.
She doesn't look like a woman who would call and call and call until your phone melts. She looks like a woman who would camp out on your front lawn. She'd make the OWS folks look like drive-by tourists.
What politician ever spent money on therapy that was not massage?
No doubt. I'm sure there are some desperate Americans just waiting for a long, hard filing.
I'm very excited about her new ¿- ® – ♬ tax plan.
there you go. showing off those commenting skills.
Didn't take that calligraphy class for nothin'.
Needz moar nueve.
If the California GOP slate looks anything like their national slate, I can see why Taitz might think she can run with the pack.
I keep expecting that this huge scandal will break, where we find out that the Dems have been putting something in the GOP's water. (It's so hard to believe that they're actually making their own Kool-Aid.)
Thanks Kirsten . We needed this.
Gee – eeezus Keeerist!!!
She speaks Hebrew? If she had been with Anne Frank they would have voted her out of the attic.
Thank you, Ms. Taitz, thank you. May I call you Orly? I can't express my gratitude to you enough Orly. I mean that. I don't think I could take another "former Marine in critical condition after police riot" story.
I speak Spanish, French, Farsi, German and piglatin. I know how to say "Shut the fuck up" in Hebrew and Russian. Which I believe means I'm more qualified than she is. Plus, both my hair and my tits are real and original. I'm three up on her already. I should run against her. They primary here in CA for the Senate seat, don't they?
Shit, you should run for President.
I should run against her.
That's overkill. Just run one of your tits against her. You'll win by a landslide.
I love you.
I'd vote for your avatar!
Well, if you put a bag over its head.
And duct-taped its mouth shut.
I speak Chinese, French, and German. Don't know many rude words though. No tits, not that much hair.
I'm scheduling my ACORN voting fraud California vote for you right now.
Thank you for doing the Lord's work.
I thought it was Orally Taints, and I was totally going to vote for her based on that…then I came to my senses.
Drill, baby, drill!
Eeexcellent (rubs hands together).
The media coverage she commands will allow her to continue walking hand in hand with Sarah all the way to the bank. History may well judge her to have been one of the best snake oil salespersons of the first 20 years of the 21st century.
Looks like Cali doesn't want to be left behind in the Craziest State competition. Arizona, Florida, Texas–game on, bitches!
And Joe the Plumber re-announced he's running for the House. Maybe those Aztecs/Mayans/Lizard People were right about 2012!
I know a gay love poem in Ancient Greek (despite being heterosexual) and speak a sort of pidgeon Mandarin. Can I be a senator too? Or perhaps I can be a tranny, oil my nipples and call myself "Oily Tits".
I wanna know where this cretin went to dental school. Seriously. Whatever institution gave this woman a DMD or DDS needs to lose its accreditation. She doesn't have the cognitive skills of a box of spaghetti.
Same university where Randal Paul got his optometry degree perhaps?
Worse even. He's actually an ophthalmologist, a freaking MD from Duke, if you can believe it.
The only degree these knuckleheads deserve is the third.
A furin school, Hebrew University.
The same place Michele got her Law Degree. But, remember, what do you call the stupidest member of a Dental School class?
does orly have to specify her gender?
Only to her gynocologist.
All of 'em, Katie.
Does neutral count?
I believe you have her confused with Ann Coulter.
It's really too bad that the government doesn't have a "hell-banshee" classification.
Should we send Team Tranny Hunter after her?
Oh, thank the seven mad gods–we needed some comic relief, even if it is from an asshat.
Pink remote-controlled dildos for everyone!
YOU get a pink remote controlled dildo, YOU get a pink remote controlled dildo, YOU get a pink remote controlled dildo….
This is good news for the nice jewish(?) lady what got all her moneyz tooked by that ugly woman(?).
Nowadays, if the Koch Bros or Art Pope organization get behind her, we may see her in power. Elections are now privately owned in post-weimar Merka, especially after the Citizen United ruling.
Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard
Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard
Whoop, whoop, whoop! Why, I oughta…….
Oh, a wise guy, eh…
Nyuck, nyuck!
Ha, just saw that episode last month. Good times…
if this increases the possibility of demon sheep-type ads, i'm all for it.
Dr. Orly, as in "She's a Doctor? ORLY?"
Spanish AND Hebrew? ¡Oy, carramba!
Don't have a cow, man.
Ju make dat soun' like it's a bad t'ing, mang.
What's truly sad about this is that no matter how batshit right-wing her platform, Fox News still won't hire her.
On a scale of tragedy that ranges from the Rwandan genocide (10) to 'they don't have that shoe in my size' (1), this ranks significantly lower than the latter.
Hey, "Dim-Bulb Weirdo" is Little Georgie Bush's sobriquet!
O RLY?
If you think this is funny you should go to her Wiki page, but beware, she has a black belt (2nd degree) in karate.
Oh bless her heart! She's stepping into that considerable vacuum being left by the fading stars of SP and 1-L-Michele!
So, when a vacuum leaves, does it leave a vacuum that is then replaced by different vacuum?
Makes no difference. Nature abhors them all.
True, oh so true. It's a shame that before they could breed, they didn't get their tubes tied.
Not to be a picker of nits, but the municipal and superior courts were merged some years ago in CA, so there are no more municipal court translators. Since all Superior Court Translators I know are way smarter (and better looking) than Dr. Taintz, speaking Spanish is not sufficient to even get to their level. I somehow doubt that Dr. Taintz' debate skills ("Let me feenish!") are up to the task, either.
I would SO pay to see her debate almost anyone, though. I'd even think about it if she were debating an inanimate object or Gavin Newsome.
Where's remote for this dildo?
She's a dentist, so it's possible she left it in one of her patients. You really don't want to know what dentists do when you're "under".
If I were her patient, I'd be worried about surreptitious cavity searches.
She thinks "CA" is both a state and a district. Also her FEC identification number is missing. Let me see here, where did that stamp go…..
REJECTED
Are you from Kenya or something?
Do they actually have a representative democracy there? If so, then yes.
I think Orly would fit right in in Kenya.
I would have pegged her for an "English Onry!" nut. I guess her nuttery is focused to laser precision.
Senator Oily Titz does have a nice ring to it.
I wish she had been sitting beside Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher when he was dissed by Pete Dominick on CNN this morning, hilarious!
Exactly what is needed to straighten things out: More Real Estate Dentists.
She's a living bridge to nowhere.
and /Attorney!
Never a dull moment. Whats the plataform. Obama's birth certificate and the Kenya relationship.
The Orly Taitz Comedy Tour is how I know God loves me. One of the ways, anyway.
"I do speak Spanish and I speak Hebrew."
English?
Hebrew: is she a mohel?
The key question is does she speak teabagger?
I'm sure she is well versed in teabagging.
Me likey the crazy sex.
Where was that piece about what a great, and tight and wet if I recall, fuck she was? That was astounding.
I've always felt that the credibility of the source's report was rather impugned by the fact that he'd actually slept with her.
Plus, I think he was actually buggering her; accidentally on purpose, of course. That would explain the "tight" part.
Then I really don't want to know about the "wet" part.
Ewwwww!
Taitz/Santorum/every year
Joe the Plumber. Oily Titz. And the circus hasn't even reached the town limits yet. Brisket Palin has to be thinking about it.
"Brisket Palin" and "thinking" in the same sentence? Had to rub my eyes on that one.
Slogan: So Tight, so Hot, so Oily (for Senate)!
When students ask me what they should take to get started on a high-powered career, my recommendation is always a double major in Spanish and Hebrew.
This is good news for Juan Epstein.
La Chaim!
Orly for Senator! She has a tight pussy!
Orly just hasn't been the same ever since they opened Charles de Gaulle.
Really down on its luck.
Kind of off subject, but one of my most vivid memories of flying into France is that when you got off the airplane, the first smells you were confronted with upon entering the terminal were piss and body odor, which was kind of shocking after having flown in from Frankfurt Airport in Germany which was insanely clean, sterile, even.
That's because the Germans are really the Borg, half organic and half synthetic. That's why everything is so neat, clean, and sterile there. I prefer my Europe to be in the Mediterranean style, a little decayed and raunchy at first glance. Though France sometimes seems to want to take it to the extreme.
Was that anything like the Opening of Misty Beethoven?
Penmanship is such a lost art.
Where's the long form birf certificate?!?
She can speak Hebrew and Spanish.
And I can say "lunatic cunt" in ALL languages: "Orly Taitz"
Gosh, does this mean she won't pair up with fellow Birther convert, Rick Perry? I am crushed!
OT but Important. If you've seen the "Google a day" ads that attempt an interesting question……one I saw today is:
"If you have three dimes and a quarter in your pocket, how many grams are you carrying?"
DO NOT ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a trap!!!!!!!!!!!
Is this the movie where the hippy sells weed to a cop in uniform?
Could. Not. Fucking. Make. This. Shit. Up.
I'd rather vote for an owl.
We Jews are usually good at policing ourselves from these sorts of disgraces*. What the fuck Jewish community?
* excepting Joe Leiberman
* Paul Wolfowitz, Bill Kristol, Lloyd Blankfein, Howie Kurtz, Breitfart and many of his typing tumors, Eric Cantor, Bernie Madoff…a short list. Remember the police usually make things worse.
From the state that gave you Gary Coleman and a porn star both running for governor in the same election, I can only say: you're welcome, America.
And the state that after that circus gave us Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose English is even worse than that of Dr. Taitzer-tot.
Dear Dr. ORLY TAiTZ,
An update to your recent purchase of "FEC FORM 2" is available for registered Repellicans.
Please Click Here to download.
I pity Moldova. Now, they won't just be known for being the poorest county in the whole of Europe, the Mississippi of Europe, but the birthplace of Orly Taitz. How much more embarrassment can this diminutive republic take? :(
She's crazy enough to fit in with the rest of the GOP field running for prexy. Why's is Orly selling herself short?
I'm glad she speaks Hebrew and Exspanyole, 'cause she sure as hell doesn't speak English.
No speakee Englee..
I want to see her birth certificate — and then I want to knock off the doctor who delivered her.
But have any major corporations deteriorated under her leadership? That seems to be a requirement for Republican women candidates in California. Extra points if her children have police records, she hires undocumented workers, or "has experience" with demon farm animals.
Granted, I may not have the best penmanship, but that looks like something the Zodiac Killer would leave for police.
A good test taker, but concrete cortex.
Just what we need……..yet another "overqualified" candidate……..
Does this mean the "brownshirts" are coming again?
Republican Presidential nominee or GTFO!
Come to think of it… GTFO!
Your move, Jerome Corsi.
Oh boy! This is going to be great!
*rubbing hands together*
Finally! Millions of monolingual-Hebrew families, adrift in California, will have representation.
If she could speak Klingon it would undoubtedly be a landslide victory.
From Orly's Wikipedia page:
"In 2010, artist Dan Lacey produced a widely discussed painting of a nude Orly Taitz after giving birth to an object resembling a pancake"
No need to use butter to fry that pancake, when you have OILY TAINT…
Election grifting is the new trend in jobs.
Doctor, doctor, give me the news, I gotta bad case of genital herpes from loving you….
…and by the way, that's Dr. Wonderthing to you.
Is it just me or does that woman have the handwriting of a third grader?
Too late. The name "Barbara_i Wonkette" has already been trademarked by a couple from Long Island.
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