the birther queen rides again

Hopeless Clown Orly Taitz Officially Files For U.S. Senate Run

Still in it to win!Dim-bulb weirdo Orly Taitz has done it! She (barely?) managed to fill in most of the spaces on one of those U.S. Senator job application forms with a few hard-won manual scribbles and then decided to add “Dr.” before her name in the top left margin space, to make it seem serious. Comedy thanks you, Orly!

As everyone probably no longer recalls, this is not her first brush with utter campaign-related failure (now a separate category from her other divisions of total human failure) — she ran unsuccessfully for the GOP nomination for California Secretary of State in 2010. Why will voters take her seriously for this particular whirl of the psycho merry-go-round?

From a comical September interview with the Sacramento Bee:

“I think I do have a chance specifically because I do speak Spanish and I speak Hebrew,” Taitz told The Bee after attending a town hall-style event on Latino issues at the California Republican Party convention in Los Angeles.

There you have it! She is as qualified as any municipal court translator to run for Senate. [Orly Taitz/Sacramento Bee]

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  1. Barb

    "this is not her first brush with utter campaign-related failure"
    It is "udder" (she's a cow)
    You're welcome!

        1. weejee

          Congrats Barb. After raising four boys, Ms. weejee & I think grandbabies are the reward one gets for not having killed the new parents while they were growing-up on those occasions when they richly deserved it.

          1. Barb

            Grandchildren are so cool. You just to fill them up with Pop Rocks and Mountain Dew, shake them up and hand them back quickly.

        2. user-of-owls

          Well how's the cosmic timing on that, eh? See? I told you that the Wonkette hive-mind was sending positive love-beams your way!

          Felicitaciones for new rug rats and winning bug hats!

          1. Barb

            And you were right! I want to go to the craft store and get some yarn tonight and I know that Jeffery doesn't feel like it. I'm feeling all Amish and stuff right now.
            I want one of the girls to name their baby "Wonkette" Wonder what that would cost me?

          2. user-of-owls

            Too late. The name "Barbara_i Wonkette" has already been trademarked by a couple from Long Island.

      1. CapnFatback

        You're the only one.

        Besides, she's a dentist. You should be interested in the long-form filling.

  2. GuanoFaucet

    I think I do have a chance specifically because I do speak Spanish and I speak Hebrew

    Haha, yeah, but the fact that you are fluent in batshit crazy is gonna doom your chances, you fucking moron.

  3. memzilla

    "I think I do have a chance specifically because I do speak Spanish and I speak Hebrew”

    Not even a chance to run a deli in Barcelona, you a**hat.

        1. MaxNeanderthal

          Three of her main weapons are looking like Sacha Baron Cohen in drag, insanity, root canal work and hair color from a $5 barber. Er, four of her main weapons….

  4. Mahousu

    It looks like she's not quite sure how to spell her name. Is that ORLY, OALY, or DALY?

    I also see she dotted her capital I the second time around. If only she had drawn a little heart, it would have been perfect.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      Okay, we can't have literacy tests for voters, but Jesus H. Carbuncle Christ in a flaming chartreuse muu-muu, can we please have them for candidates?

    1. neiltheblaze

      I'll bet her office is actually a booth at the Quiznos across the street. Or maybe the Pizza Hut.

  5. Respitetini

    Best news ever. Unless, of course, we hear that Christine O'Donnell is planning another go at it.

  6. elviouslyqueer

    The only reason why she put herself down as "Republican" is because California doesn't recognize "Completely Fucking Batshit Insane" as a political party.

    1. user-of-owls

      Not true! California does recognize "Completely Fucking Batshit Insane" as a political party. But only at the local level.

    2. Negropolis

      I don't know, man. Did you see the primary circus after the ouster of Guv Davis? Any state in which Gary Coleman is a gubernatorial candidate kind of corners the market on completely fucking batshit insane.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        And Joe the Plumber. He might as well not be the only epic fail of a U.S. bicameral legislative candidate in 2012.

  7. OC_Surf_Serf_#OLA

    Jeez, Rancho Santa Margarita is a Galtish Republican master-planned-community middle-management toll-road-accessed foreclosure fucking wasteland.

    Perfect metaphor for this fraud.

  8. CapnFatback

    and then decided to add “Dr.” before her name in the top left margin space, to make it seem serious

    It is serious. Very serious. It stands for "Dracula."

  9. Tundra Grifter

    So she's broke and thinks she can live off campaign contributions? There's certainly a tradition for that.

    Ten bucks says she can't properly track those contributions, however. There are actually laws and rules about that. She won't file properly – and she'll get in trouble, down the road, for mixing campaign and personal expenditures.

    Just ask Mario Rubio about that.

    We need to track this – it's not going to end well.

    For her. It's going to be swell for us.

  10. TitsAkimbo

    “I think I do have a chance specifically because I do speak Spanish and I speak Hebrew,” Taitz told The Bee

    But how about English, Orly? Do you speak English?
    It appears she'll finally get her chance to finish…

  11. Rotundo_

    So is there an actual Santa Margarita? Is she the patron saint of salt encrusted glasses or strawberries and booze or what? As for the Oily one, hey, since she apparently fucks like a mink, albeit a crazy fucking mink, she'll get along fine in the senate. Crazy never stopped anyone in politics, and if she spends some of the campaign loot on a makeover and some serious therapy she might yet do well. Either that or more likely flame out in a really untoward and sad manner. Good for comedy either way!

    1. Tundra Grifter


      Rapid weasel sex is fun until you get bit.

      She doesn't look like a woman who would call and call and call until your phone melts. She looks like a woman who would camp out on your front lawn. She'd make the OWS folks look like drive-by tourists.

  12. Biel_ze_Bubba

    If the California GOP slate looks anything like their national slate, I can see why Taitz might think she can run with the pack.

    I keep expecting that this huge scandal will break, where we find out that the Dems have been putting something in the GOP's water. (It's so hard to believe that they're actually making their own Kool-Aid.)

  13. JoshuaNorton

    Gee – eeezus Keeerist!!!

    She speaks Hebrew? If she had been with Anne Frank they would have voted her out of the attic.

  14. Chichikovovich

    Thank you, Ms. Taitz, thank you. May I call you Orly? I can't express my gratitude to you enough Orly. I mean that. I don't think I could take another "former Marine in critical condition after police riot" story.

  15. YouBetcha

    I speak Spanish, French, Farsi, German and piglatin. I know how to say "Shut the fuck up" in Hebrew and Russian. Which I believe means I'm more qualified than she is. Plus, both my hair and my tits are real and original. I'm three up on her already. I should run against her. They primary here in CA for the Senate seat, don't they?

    1. user-of-owls

      I should run against her.

      That's overkill. Just run one of your tits against her. You'll win by a landslide.

    2. littlebigdaddy

      I speak Chinese, French, and German. Don't know many rude words though. No tits, not that much hair.

  16. Antispandex

    I thought it was Orally Taints, and I was totally going to vote for her based on that…then I came to my senses.

  17. cobweb2

    The media coverage she commands will allow her to continue walking hand in hand with Sarah all the way to the bank. History may well judge her to have been one of the best snake oil salespersons of the first 20 years of the 21st century.

  18. Callyson

    Looks like Cali doesn't want to be left behind in the Craziest State competition. Arizona, Florida, Texas–game on, bitches!

  19. chascates

    And Joe the Plumber re-announced he's running for the House. Maybe those Aztecs/Mayans/Lizard People were right about 2012!

  20. Numbat_Dundee

    I know a gay love poem in Ancient Greek (despite being heterosexual) and speak a sort of pidgeon Mandarin. Can I be a senator too? Or perhaps I can be a tranny, oil my nipples and call myself "Oily Tits".

  21. Mort_Sinclair

    I wanna know where this cretin went to dental school. Seriously. Whatever institution gave this woman a DMD or DDS needs to lose its accreditation. She doesn't have the cognitive skills of a box of spaghetti.

      1. LowProfileinGA

        Worse even. He's actually an ophthalmologist, a freaking MD from Duke, if you can believe it.

    1. RadioOcupados

      The same place Michele got her Law Degree. But, remember, what do you call the stupidest member of a Dental School class?

  22. Dok-cupy Everything

    Oh, thank the seven mad gods–we needed some comic relief, even if it is from an asshat.

    Pink remote-controlled dildos for everyone!

  23. Crank_Tango

    This is good news for the nice jewish(?) lady what got all her moneyz tooked by that ugly woman(?).

  24. mavenmaven

    Nowadays, if the Koch Bros or Art Pope organization get behind her, we may see her in power. Elections are now privately owned in post-weimar Merka, especially after the Citizen United ruling.

  25. Dok-cupy Everything

    What's truly sad about this is that no matter how batshit right-wing her platform, Fox News still won't hire her.

    1. user-of-owls

      On a scale of tragedy that ranges from the Rwandan genocide (10) to 'they don't have that shoe in my size' (1), this ranks significantly lower than the latter.

  26. Slim_Pickins

    If you think this is funny you should go to her Wiki page, but beware, she has a black belt (2nd degree) in karate.

  27. Ohforcripessake

    Oh bless her heart! She's stepping into that considerable vacuum being left by the fading stars of SP and 1-L-Michele!

        1. user-of-owls

          True, oh so true. It's a shame that before they could breed, they didn't get their tubes tied.

  28. Steverino247

    Not to be a picker of nits, but the municipal and superior courts were merged some years ago in CA, so there are no more municipal court translators. Since all Superior Court Translators I know are way smarter (and better looking) than Dr. Taintz, speaking Spanish is not sufficient to even get to their level. I somehow doubt that Dr. Taintz' debate skills ("Let me feenish!") are up to the task, either.

    1. Tommmcattt

      I would SO pay to see her debate almost anyone, though. I'd even think about it if she were debating an inanimate object or Gavin Newsome.

    1. iburl

      She's a dentist, so it's possible she left it in one of her patients. You really don't want to know what dentists do when you're "under".

  29. Sharkey

    She thinks "CA" is both a state and a district. Also her FEC identification number is missing. Let me see here, where did that stamp go…..


  30. Guppy

    I would have pegged her for an "English Onry!" nut. I guess her nuttery is focused to laser precision.

  31. smashedinhat

    I wish she had been sitting beside Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher when he was dissed by Pete Dominick on CNN this morning, hilarious!

  32. voodooeconomics

    Never a dull moment. Whats the plataform. Obama's birth certificate and the Kenya relationship.

  33. Limeylizzie

    Where was that piece about what a great, and tight and wet if I recall, fuck she was? That was astounding.

    1. user-of-owls

      I've always felt that the credibility of the source's report was rather impugned by the fact that he'd actually slept with her.

      1. ttommyunger

        Plus, I think he was actually buggering her; accidentally on purpose, of course. That would explain the "tight" part.

  34. owhatever

    Joe the Plumber. Oily Titz. And the circus hasn't even reached the town limits yet. Brisket Palin has to be thinking about it.

  35. user-of-owls

    When students ask me what they should take to get started on a high-powered career, my recommendation is always a double major in Spanish and Hebrew.

    1. Negropolis

      Kind of off subject, but one of my most vivid memories of flying into France is that when you got off the airplane, the first smells you were confronted with upon entering the terminal were piss and body odor, which was kind of shocking after having flown in from Frankfurt Airport in Germany which was insanely clean, sterile, even.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        That's because the Germans are really the Borg, half organic and half synthetic. That's why everything is so neat, clean, and sterile there. I prefer my Europe to be in the Mediterranean style, a little decayed and raunchy at first glance. Though France sometimes seems to want to take it to the extreme.

  36. Blueb4sunrise

    OT but Important. If you've seen the "Google a day" ads that attempt an interesting question……one I saw today is:

    "If you have three dimes and a quarter in your pocket, how many grams are you carrying?"

    DO NOT ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a trap!!!!!!!!!!!

  37. HobbesEvilTwin

    We Jews are usually good at policing ourselves from these sorts of disgraces*. What the fuck Jewish community?

    * excepting Joe Leiberman

    1. RadioOcupados

      * Paul Wolfowitz, Bill Kristol, Lloyd Blankfein, Howie Kurtz, Breitfart and many of his typing tumors, Eric Cantor, Bernie Madoff…a short list. Remember the police usually make things worse.

  38. imissopus

    From the state that gave you Gary Coleman and a porn star both running for governor in the same election, I can only say: you're welcome, America.

    1. Negropolis

      And the state that after that circus gave us Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose English is even worse than that of Dr. Taitzer-tot.

  39. Negropolis

    I pity Moldova. Now, they won't just be known for being the poorest county in the whole of Europe, the Mississippi of Europe, but the birthplace of Orly Taitz. How much more embarrassment can this diminutive republic take? :(

  40. PuckStopsHere

    She's crazy enough to fit in with the rest of the GOP field running for prexy. Why's is Orly selling herself short?

  41. Pragmatist2

    I want to see her birth certificate — and then I want to knock off the doctor who delivered her.

  42. Jukesgrrl

    But have any major corporations deteriorated under her leadership? That seems to be a requirement for Republican women candidates in California. Extra points if her children have police records, she hires undocumented workers, or "has experience" with demon farm animals.

  43. ChrisM2011

    Granted, I may not have the best penmanship, but that looks like something the Zodiac Killer would leave for police.

  44. SilverTsunami

    Finally! Millions of monolingual-Hebrew families, adrift in California, will have representation.

  45. Nostrildamus

    From Orly's Wikipedia page:

    "In 2010, artist Dan Lacey produced a widely discussed painting of a nude Orly Taitz after giving birth to an object resembling a pancake"

Comments are closed.