how to shut rick perry up

Fox News Turd Says Rick Perry Is Just Like Occupy Wall Street Protesters

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Sausage queens.Swollen imp-turd Neil Cavuto had Rick Perry on the Fox News business slash-fiction channel the other day, and Rick Perry did his cum-mumble about bailing out Wall Street or whatever rhymes he bit off Ron Paul’s eyebrow, and then the swollen imp-turd Neil Cavuto says, “You sound like one of those Occupy Wall Streeters.” And then Rick Perry is speechless, for what seems like hours.

And then Neil lisps, “Okay,” and that’s the end of the segment, folks. Great television for a great nation. Oh wait …. [Think Progress]

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  • nounverb911

    Rick Perry speechless is a good thing. Neil Cavuto speechless is even better.

    • CommieLibunatic

      Silence is golden. Good for us and fans of the gold standard, too?

    • Oblios_Cap


    • WunkRocker

      The "man" is a clouted bat-fowling coxcomb!

    • Naked_Bunny

      Fox news channels would be so much better if they featured nothing but people staring mutely at the camera. Michele Bachmann would really shine in that environment.

      • Negropolis

        It's true. A staring contest is about the only contest Michele could ever win.

  • Barb

    Neil Cavuto is just suffering the effects of the Gardasil vaccine that Rick forced him to have, poor guy. Hey, Michele Bachmann! Now there are two of them.

    • OkieDokieDog

      I'm pretty sure that in FOXland only sexually active 12 year old girls get that vaccine so Neil is free to spread his genital warts to… whatever. A consenting duck, maybe?

  • AlterNewt

    Rick Perry is not conservative enough. Arrrrrrrgggghhhhh…

  • Preferred Customer

    I am disappointed that we didn't get to see the video of Perry during that 26 minute blank stretch where he was silent.

  • edgydrifter

    "Uhhh… I… uh… no, Neil, I don't occupy Wall Street. I live in Texas."

  • Chillwaver

    No, Nell. Rick, like every other Texan, just sounds dumb and slow.

    • YouBetcha

      That pause wouldn't even get a raised eyebrow in Texas. In fact, that's pretty standard. My in-laws will pause that long before answering the question, "What's your name?"

    • Not_So_Much

      I'm sure that was in inadvertent typo, but frankly Nell makes a lot more sense than either Neil or the idiot with the cowboy costume.

      Nell an' Mi'i – like t'ee in the way!

      • Chillwaver

        A typo indeed…but wasn't Nell that movie with Jodie Foster playing a girl that lacked social and communications skills?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Neil is one rude muthafucker. Didn't his lizard mom tell him it's rude to speak with his mouth full of Wall St. Koch?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Ah. That would explain the bloated, distended jaw.

  • OccupyFnChicken

    Rick, we could have confidence in the world again, as well.

    • fuflans

      and he has the exact same inflections as bachmann.

      what is that, the speech pattern of the ignorant born again wingtard?

  • veritass

    God dammit Neil. First rule of Niggerhead is don't call each other offensive names, like "Occupy Wall Streeters." You're kicked out of Niggerhead.

    • Chillwaver

      Is Herm still driving poeple around and serving beer in Niggerhead?

      • chicken_thief

        In Niggerhead, the coloreds are only allowed behind the pickup, not behind the steering wheel. You need a damn good rope to get 'em all the way up the hill to the house.

  • Come here a minute

    Wow. However non-sequitorially, at least OWS is part of the conversation, so, win?

  • weejee

    Rickie is so deep into his pretzel logic. Clearly he lost that number long, long ago.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Mr. Potatohead, please pick up the white courtesy phone.

  • DerrickWildcat


  • SorosBot

    Perry is like Occupy Wall Street in that both have sent out some mixed messages; however OWS does so because it's comprised of a whole bunch of people who disagree on some issues, while Rick as a single person doesn't have an excuse except general stupidity.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    All those years as a rodeo clown really took a toll on Perry.

  • Wonderthing

    And then they both lit up a cigarette and sighed, after the sex.

    • DaRooster

      Which one was the "Hunted"?

  • Maman

    This was Rick's evening wear and talent portion of the pageant (dramatic reading) He doesn't have to do the onstage question until the next round!

  • Limeylizzie

    Which of you ,that were so furious at Hopey on the last thread , will be voting for this clown instead?

    • nounverb911

      None of them, Katie.

    • SorosBot

      They'll just be voting for Nader; which is voting for this idiot.

    • Terry

      Not me. Hopey hasn't done everything I would have liked, but he did do a good bit of it or a version of it.

      • chicken_thief

        I'm looking forward to a few more months of Executive Decree-ism. Let's see how long the Republicans can last standing on "No!" regardless of what the question is.

        • Terry

          Especially on topics that the majority of Americans support. Republicans should vocally oppose those, then Hopey Executive Decree 'em.

        • widestanceshakedown

          "No" is a core value of the GOP.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Speaking of the power of NO … I'm waiting for a re-elected Obama (with no worries about the next election) to veto any bill that extends the Bush tax cuts. Without his signature, they expire, and Congress has to hammer out a compromise that he finds acceptable. I think this is part of the GOP's insane fixation on denying him a second term.

    • Not_So_Much

      I still have hope for Hopey. Pretty sure the alternatives involve slave galleys…

      • Limeylizzie

        I think we have to take a long view, I grew up with a Socialist government in power during my early years and then when Thatcher came into power, when I was a teenager, the destruction was astonishing. I just can never trust anyone who is right-wing, Hopey is a centrist and he ran as such, but to think of not fighting to prevent the likes of Romney, Cain or Perry from winning the election seems insane to me.

      • Negropolis

        But, does it come with a bottle of rum, is the question.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Wait, someone doesn't care for our Muslo-Kenyan overlord???

      • Limeylizzie

        Check out the thread about student loans mate.

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          I'm scared to now…!

    • neiltheblaze

      I wouldn't dream of it.

    • Callyson

      Hell to the no. I have my issues with Obama but there is no way I would vote for any of the freaks running against him.

    • Chet Kincaid

      Oh Lizzie, it's a silly state of affairs when you have to ask about certain Wonkette threads as if seeking a report on an expedition to Breitbartland. But I am a lot happier since deciding to just drop my bombs and fly away from shit-storm posts.

      • SorosBot

        Nah, it's more the Firedoglake-ian "Obama didn't give me that pony I imagined he'd promised me, so therefore I'm gonna vote for the Republican in 2012 out of spite. Also the President can pass any laws he wants to and Congress doesn't matter."

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I don't know. Do you think there is a chance Pat Robertson might run?

      • Limeylizzie

        He seems more reasonable compared to these freaks.

    • fuflans

      as i said earlier, two words 'supreme court'.

      a perry nomination would make the current roberts court seem like the warren court.

  • El Pinche

    Perry should have put on his Marlboro man costume. Next to eating raw cookie dough, a dumb cowboy is Cavuto's favorite thing.

  • NowTheyTellMe

    Remember when W had that transmitter box strapped to his back for the debate with John (, and he sounded so much more lucid and intelligent than he had before? Ricky needs to ask Karl for one of those.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Two dick heads. Can't take sides on this one.

  • KobayashiMaru

    "Frankenstein, you sound like you might actually like fire."

    "FIRE BAD!"

    • emmelemm


    • deanbooth


  • chicken_thief

    Going straight to "Hitler" is so yesterday. Neil is one topical mo-fo.

  • SexySmurf

    Rick Perry is a dope-smoking, trust fund baby who hasn't showered in a month and is jealous of those more successful than himself? Sounds about right.

  • Gratuitous World

    'the hanging judge came in, unnoticed and was being wined + dined…'

  • DaRooster

    So he just said that OWS has good ideas about what's wrong with the economy? Cool…

  • Chillwaver

    "Makes no more sense than bailing out the French"

    I'll have a side of Freedom Fries with that, Rick.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Pregnant pause is….


  • Blueb4sunrise

    Cavuto sounds like a 30 minute squeaky flatulence.

  • SexySmurf

    When do we get to gas him and shoot him with rubber bullets?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Use the right type of gas and the rubber bullets will be unnecessary. Cost savings!!

  • Lucidamente1

    Proving once agan that two people who don't know what they're talking about know less than one person who doesn't.

    • DaRooster

      Twice as much… or less… or… uhhh…
      You know…

  • MrFizzy

    Let's see….close proximity to wall street greed, unwiped ass, incoherent message, fast food crumbs on shirt. Yup, just like the Occupiers.

  • littlebigdaddy

    The only thing Rick Perry wants to occupy is a rentboy's ass.

    • Beowoof

      I think you may want to reverse those roles. Rick is a catcher, just like W before him.

  • Not_So_Much

    Lessee, Stoopid vs. Liar. Another riveting fox teevee moment…

  • Schmannnity

    Governor, don't you know all bailouts are not created equal? Bank bailouts are good, but auto bailouts are bad because auto companies employ only union goons. Individual bailouts? Not created at all.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    I'm sure they'll clear this up for by telling us some button jockey in the booth cut Rick off when they went to the video of the OWS protesters.
    Please do not pay any attention to how quickly they popped up that video after Neil's comment. It's not like it was planned or something.

  • prommie

    Perry knew what to do with those treasonous quantitative easers (drag them behind a truck, Texas-style) but didn't know how to respond to an accusation that he's a dirty smelly commie hippie? Not Ready For Prime Time, this Perry.

  • BklynIlluminati

    Perrybot 2.0 still not bug-free reboot as necessary

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yep … Perrybot's brain just blue-screened with that unexpected input. "Fatal error at 0x323fc: softball expected."

  • smitallica

    Perry is nothing like those Occupy Wall Streeters, as there are far too many of them to fit into the closet.

  • x111e7thst

    If Cavuto and Perry were sharing a cell which one would be calling the other one Daddy?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I think they were sharing a brain cell here.

  • Preacher_Griz

    This could be a sign that those Fair and Balanced Fox fellows are incohoots with truck stop Pizza Mogul Herman Cain.

    Which means the Extrasolar Alien Impregnation Conspiracy is much more advanced than we first thought!


    • chicken_thief

      I think it was the yellow flowers than won over the Fox powers that be.

  • PuckStopsHere

    RIck Perry thinks the entire OWS crowd should BE PUT TO DEATH and he should have come right out and said so. The host would have applauded, I'm sure.

  • MissTaken

    I tend to cum-mumble a bit when I'm around that much sausage, too.

  • zappadoo76

    Ole Rick is kinda slow on the draw. Not a good trait in the cattle rustling bidness.

  • fartknocker

    Better watch yourself Niel Cockvuto – you're about to feel the wrath of Anita Perry. She's about to get all Jesusy on your ass. She Texas's form of the Church Lady from Saturday Night Live.

  • RadioOcupados

    And Perry smells like week old sausage too.

  • Ancient_Hacker

    Apparently that line wasn't in the script, ergo the pause and fumbling.

  • RadioOcupados

    Ass Warfare!!1!

  • SoBeach

    Geeze, that guy can't spit out a single, coherent sentence. But he knows exactly what this country needs to get us all back to work and shopping: tax cuts for the rich.

    • chicken_thief

      And, if you happens to be a Governor, plenty of Federal funding for jerbs in your state. Denying all the while, of course, that the government has the ability to create jerbs.

  • DaRooster

    Will Rick move that old sign from the family vaca spot to The White House?

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Why are mommy and daddy fighting?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Rick wasn't speechless; he was just munching on some of Neil's juicy sausage when the question was being asked.

    Every Texan knows that it isn't polite to speak when your mouth is kinda-sorta full.

  • Generation[redacted]

    I'm confused. When did we bail out the French?

    • fuflans

      right? what the hell misunderstood briefing bit was buzzing around in his brain? the marshall plan?

  • Callyson

    Yeah, Perry sounds just like OWS. Because the protesters are focused on the need to get a return on capital.
    Christ, FOX can't get anything right…

  • RadioOcupados

    Needs moar crickets when the imp turd goes off script.

  • SorosBot

    Hell, who know how much he could have accomplished from 2009-2010 if we didn't have the fucking filibuster.

    • Limeylizzie

      They need to get rid of that, the Electoral College and then there might be a smidgen of democracy.

      • nounverb911

        I once spent several hours on a train trying to explain the electoral college to some New Zealanders, their heads exploded.

        • Limeylizzie

          I had MrLimeylizzie explain it to me in 2008 and I thought he was joking.

      • SorosBot

        The Senate is anti-democracy enough as it is without the GOP's reflexive filibuster of everything since 2007; we should either get rid of it or turn it into a House of Lords style debate club without actual power, but since like eliminating the Electoral College it would take a Constitutional Amendment to change it doesn't seem likely.

        But hey, it's a very important principal that Wyoming's 500,000 people and California's 37,2000,000 get the same representation in one chamber of Congress.

        • Chet Kincaid

          I continue to believe that the best course is not to fantasize about changing the Constitution, but for the Left to behave as though we are in a parliamentary system even though we're not. That means Democrats need to hold their fucking noses and start campaigning permanently, with a view toward 3 Congressional elections out. If a President cannot get his agenda enacted without "control" of Congress, we should be all about getting and keeping "control" of Congress.

          I am not as smart as I type, so the fact that I don't see any of the Great Minds in national Democratic politics having this light-bulb go on over their heads makes me pretty fucking angry. The time to start this effort was immediately after the 2010 midterms. Instead, everyone seems to have given up and started whining and crying like a bunch of pussies and children.

    • Negropolis

      They don't need to get rid of the filibuster, in general. But, filibustering of the debate needs to be gotten rid of. You really can't even bring anything up for debate sans 60 votes, anymore.

  • Schmannnity

    It's hard making Palin look presidential, but Perry may be a Palin mole.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Corporate prostitute thinks other corporate prostitute not prostitutey enough.

  • prommie

    Whats this fucking "raised eyebrows while squinting" facial expression? Is that a Texas thing, too? W Bush used to do that, too. Whats that, some kinda Texas expression kindly manliness? See, I raise my eyebrows and look sincere as some kind of snake-handling preacher, while I squint like Clint Eastwood asking some punk if he feels lucky? Or is it just the stupid?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It's just the stupid … the TexTard equivalent of "Duhhhh…"

    • ttommyunger


  • chascates

    Waiting for someone to tell him "You sound like one of those hypocritical, closeted bisexual corporate whores who hate America".

  • SayItWithWookies

    That hit-by-a-skillet dumbfounded expression — it's probably the same one Mrs. Perry gets when she asks Rick about the child-size tighty whities she finds in the clothes hamper.

  • fuflans

    fox news is truly an american treasure.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Someone really should archive these moments.
      I note in passing that <a href="” target=”_blank”> is available.

  • meatlofer

    I so don't want to watch a World Series game in 2017 and see that Dumbfuck and his old hide sitting behind Home Plate.

  • actor212

    Yes, if by "just like" he means "no resemblance whatsoever, right down to the starched collar in his anus"

  • Generation[redacted]

    "You sound just like the Occupy Wall Street protestors" is now my go-to line to make any raving right wing nut job go instantly silent.

  • smoothmineral

    Still praying this brickhead gets the nomination somehow. Seeing him attempt to debate President Obama would bring so much joy to my life.

  • rocktonsam

    there always is that uncomfortable silence when you find out he is just not that in to you.

  • Indiepalin

    I would have thought that after having been linked with cattle multilations in the southwest, perpetual Dickhead of the Year, Neil Cavuto would have crawled back up his daddy's vagina by now.

  • ttommyunger

    Neil is as irritatingly smug as O'Reilly, but the fact that he stores semen in his cheeks somehow makes me feel sorry for him.

  • Negropolis

    Moron is moronic. Really, what can you say? These guys have drawn themselves so narrowly that they are bound to step all over themselves during any given day. You can't be as rigid as they are an not be a rank hypocrite.

    And, to think, this guy is the longest serving governor in the country, at the moment, and the longest serving governor and Texas history. What bothers me more than the fact that he's a Republican is that he has seemingly been rewarded his entire. fucking. life for displaying rank stupidity.

  • Negropolis

    Is this kind of the conservative "so, when did you stop beating your wife" accusation-question? Or, the question that Craig Ferguson asks his guests, ironically, when he thinks that they aren't being stereotypically patriotic enough "So, how long have you been in Al Qaeda?"

  • chicken_thief

    Mail delivery to Niggerhead/Brokeback Mountain is sporadic.