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Meghan McCain Writes Least Insightful Column About #OWS In History

It's like if a collection of words could somehow be a bad acid trip.EVERYONE EXHALE, America’s foremost pillar of Internet opinionation Meghan McCain has finally found time in her manic schedule writing her bi-monthly Daily Beast column to drop by Zuccotti Park so she can do her part and help explain to any of her readers who have been in a coma for the last month, “what’s up with all that protesting?” The exciting title for her piece is “My Day at Occupy Wall Street” in accordance with the third-grade manual of style guidelines for first-person essays about field trips to the zoo, which is what we will call her “theme” since Meg has eschewed the more reporterly trope of using any kind of “angle” whatsoever. So let’s see, what trove of recycled generalizations has our intrepid columnist obtained through her journey?

First off, here is an important series of profoundly meaningless, hastily cobbled buzzwords to get this to show up somewhere in the Google search rankings:

Depending on your perspective, Occupy Wall Street is either indicative of the future—how a group of people can practice activism through social media—or a leaderless (and therefore hopeless) endeavor. It’s the left’s populist movement. The anti-Tea Party party, if you will, that’s shining the spotlight on the evils of corporate greed and the kind of behavior that served as the catalyst for our economic downfall. Or, you could also argue, it’s just a hippiefest, a Woodstock for 2011, packed with freeloaders who just want to lament about the success of the upper class.

How polite, “if you will!” NO WE WON’T, because banal copy-pasted right-wing talking points give us enough tumors already, every day. But let’s soldier on, to read Meg’s breathless step-by-step account of her brush with the commoners.

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The first man I tried to talk to couldn’t remember his last name and he looked like he was under the influence of something. I asked him why he was there. This is what he said: “I was chilling in, f—ing, where the f— was I—I was somewhere in Manhattan, Starbucks, a mother f—er comes up and says let’s drink beer.”

Is it important that she included this quote, so we can all picture Meghan McCain petulantly shouting interview questions at drunks. However, to be “fair,” she decided to talk to a protester in possession of his mental faculties, too! See, real jernalizm!

But most of the people who I spoke to had real stories of hardship and despair. Tom Quigley, a 23-year-old college graduate from Buffalo, N.Y., said he couldn’t find a full-time job after graduating from college. He’s taking a cross country bike trip, and he plans on stopping at all the various Occupy Wall Street gatherings across the nation.

And so therefore, uh, in conclusion, this is still about her.

I’m the daughter of one of the most long-standing senators in politics and I have been given every opportunity that anyone could possibly dream of. I was given those opportunities as a result of the hard work from both sides of my family. What struck me more than anything is that for the first time possibly in history, people aren’t being given the same opportunities that my parents and grandparents had.

Ah, there’s the money line. Yes, for the “first time possibly in history,” not counting the first couple hundred years of (we’ll be nice here) American history when slavery, industrialization, lack of women’s suffrage, segregation, blah blah this list could go on for years made life varying degrees of miserable for vast swaths of the population, if you count none of that or anything else that has ever happened before Meghan McCain wrote this column, then congratulations, you have the brain power of a rabid squirrel. Has Meghan McCain ever actually opened an American history book of any kind? EVEN A PICTURE BOOK?

No, probably not, because this column is worse than recycled garbage. It is more like if you tossed recycled garbage to rot in a compost heap and then took the juices that seeped out of the bottom after a couple weeks and filtered them through a nuclear reactor to deprive them of any use for carbon-based life forms for the next fifty thousand years, or forever, whichever comes first. [Daily Beast]

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200 comments

    1. Guppy

      Daughter of a senator implicated in a financial crisis and corruption scandal tries to report on a protest against a financial crisis and political corruption.

      Chick's got balls. That, or she's just that dense.

  1. Barb

    "I’m the daughter of one of the most long-standing senators in politics"
    Oh Meggles, if it were up to me your dad would be out of office and you would have been delivered with a coat hanger sticking out of your empty head.

    1. Beetagger

      Dear Barb. I am a middle aged married man looking to leave my wife for another woman. I have a sweet ride and I don't stink. I'm sure I'll find another job some day, but this just gives us more time to be together. Call me.

      1. Barb

        Well thank you for the offer. My husband loved your post and laughed that you "don't stink." I hope you are a Chargers fan. : )

        1. Beetagger

          Norv Turner used to coach the Redskins, so I can probably adapt. Hope your husband can find someone else soon.

    2. Negropolis

      Barb, this is the first time I've ever seen you so off pitch. It'd be different is Meghan was some kind of mean-spirited idiot that reveled in her ignorance, but she strikes me as a young woman with a lot to learn, but one of those folks who if they do end up learning, would be an ally and not an enemy. There's not a mean bone in her body, she is not afraid to make mistakes and admit when she doesn't know something, and she realizes and said again and again that she's lucky to be born into opportunity.

      Bad form, and particularly to the ones that gave you so many upfists. I'm disappointed, really.

      1. Barb

        I walked in the door from my ultrasound and there were six tumors and not the original two, as previously thought. I lashed out at Meghan and it seems to have offended you. I'm angry at the world and maybe a little out of control right now.

        I don't appreciate your scolding me and scolding the people who upfisted me. You don't to tell me how to act, seriously. My cheeks are burning right now and I want to lash out at you, yet I won't.

          1. Barb

            Yes, the prognosis is okay, thanks. I think I grossed V out when I sent the ultrasound, LOL!!!!!! I think he thought it would be something else.

          2. Negropolis

            Barb, I'm really in full support of your medical issues. Be sure to know that even though I was (and am) disappointed with that post, I wish you all the very best, and I really mean that. You're valued here; one post can't mess that up.

            …and you would have been delivered with a coat hanger sticking out of your empty head.

            That said, I'll reiterate that thatis not snark, and totally out of proportion to the preceived "sins" of the person it was directed at, and everyone knows it whether they want to admit it or not. If these people really like you (as I do), they'd tell you the same instead of this defensive, reflexive "you can do no wrong" show of force because of other issues. If you'd like, I'll delete my post if you delete your's if it's really bothering you.

        1. user-of-owls

          Lash away, Barb, you have every right. It seems our friend has an unfortunate tendency to express 'disappointment' in posts he deems "Tsk-tsk" worthy. I had the same reaction when I was on the receiving end. Only I, regrettably, apologized profusely. You, on the other hand, handled this uncalled for bit of shit-talk in the way it deserved to be handled. So to you, Barb, two things: First, well played; and Second, I hope you can derive some strength from the fact that legions of people here genuinely love you and are sending every bit of positive energy they can muster in your direction.

          And Negropolis? Cut the shit. You're not everyone's mother or kindly old mentor and we honestly don't give a rat's ass if you are "disappointed" in us. Stick to the snark, which you can be good at, and just cut this other shit out.

          1. Barb

            Thanks! You are too kind. We are coming up with some decent uterus snark now.
            1. I have a six-pack uterus now, like the Kid from the Jersey Shore. I'm the Mookie Situation.

            2. Victoria was my last born child and uterus tenant, and, as usual, she left her room a mess.

            3. I "thought" that I was just really incredibly tight. Turns out that I am just "full"

          2. user-of-owls

            And this is the part of the program when males begin to stammer and mumble.

            "Oh, um, yeah? Mmm. Ah. Uterus? Mmm."

            We're so pathetic.

      2. flamingpdog

        Jeezo-Peezo, Wonketeers, I got back from being out-of-town for four days last week (and outa touch with Wonkette since I still have no laptop) late on Friday, and ever since I've seen more intra-Wonkette crankiness than I've seen in all the years and I've lurked and then posted! Did Ken put something in the ink this weekend or something? Mellow, chilluns, especially you two, both of whom I really enjoy reading! Now kiss and make up, guys.

        1. Barb

          Out-of-town? Do I get a snow globe from the airport?
          I know I've been an uber-bitch and I am sorry for that. I will try to be a better person, I promise.

          1. flamingpdog

            Puh-leeeaaaze, Barb, "out-of-town" in my work world means Jesusrado Springs or Fart Collins or Asspen. My state gubmint overlards don't let me near any airports. 'Specially when O'Bomber flies into town, like he was supposed to this afternoon. Haven't checked the newz tonight to see if he actually made it.

        2. user-of-owls

          This shit builds up over time. It boils over and then usually subsides, with the protagonists simply giving wide berth. Unless, of course, it gets seriously ugly. That's when the now seemingly defunct Ban Hammer was used. Those were the days…nothing makes snark more thrilling than the threat of instant Wonkdeath.

  2. Generation[redacted]

    When she says, "The first time in history," she means the first time in — how old is she? — that many years.

    Or like she said on Bill Maher, I don't know, I wasn't even born yet!

  3. nounverb911

    "I’m the daughter of one of the most long-standing senators in politics and I have been given every opportunity that anyone could possibly dream of. "

    My daddy helped cause this.

  4. Generation[redacted]

    How cute. She thinks both sides of her family worked hard for her Budweiser fortune. Like, a million times harder than the workers in their factories.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        And they were very wise in their choice of parents. You can't overstate the importance of that.

  5. RedneckMuslin

    Meg, the first person you met was not a man at all. It was one of the Bush twins. I don't remember which is which, though.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    I thought it was a brilliant piece — it may have been the first time that a Meghan McCain essay didn't contain the phrase "as a sexually active young person…"

  7. slithytoves

    I’m the daughter of one of the most long-standing senators in politics

    It doesn't count if you have hemorrhoids.

          1. Fauxhemian

            That was it! I knew I was missing something when I replied. Empty space, of course.And let's not kid ourselves. She is one of the 'smart' republicans. Ugh I shudder at the thought.Btw, I posted my youtube video on some Republican facebook sites an hour ago. Absolute hilarity. These people ban, flag and get totally bent out of shape and not one of them even watched it according to my youtube views info. But everyone one them is clear on one thing. Vague platitudes are gonna save America. Something about their guy being the real deal who is gonna save the economy and get people working again. Word for word, the same response from Perry, Romney and Cain followers. It's almost as if they all read from the same script. Oh what a fun afternoon it's been. Am now listening to this. Fitting for Meghan. :)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCAso76mbdI&feature=related

  8. Tundra Grifter

    "I’m the daughter of one of the most long-standing senators in politics…"

    Well, stop writing the obvious ("anti-Tea Party?") and get your poor Dad a chair for his desk!

    I doubt the first interviewee was under the influence of anything other than staring at Meghan's McCanns, trying not to make the "motor boating" sound.

    Finally, since OWS is happening right now – how is it indicative of the future? Here I thought it was an example of the present.

    1. Beetagger

      If her brain damaged father hadn't picked Palin for his running mate, we wouldn't have the current crop of Tea Party losers that is the GOP field. I'd change my name if I was her.

  9. Pragmatist2

    I'll lay odds that half the people she talked to were homeless vets who weren't the sons and grandsons of admirals.

  10. ManchuCandidate

    And look what she's done with such opportunity…

    Admiral John S McCain – one of Halsey's best admirals
    Admiral John S. McCain II – WW2 submariner, CINCPAC
    Senator John S. McCain III – POW and he won't let us forget THAT, Vietnamese Ace, Alleged Sinker of Forrestal, Cripple divorcer, Beer Mistress Boy toy, Scandal Ridden Senator, Fool of 08 who selected Dipshit McGoo Palin as VP
    Megs McCain – oblivious dilettante.

    1. fuflans

      'oblivious dilettante' is something we should all aspire to.

      also, way safer for nation than 'fool of '08'.

    2. Chet Kincaid

      Don't be silly. The Female McCain's job is to be a nice, plushy landing strip for an ensign, flyboy or budding captain of industry. She needs to get commissioned and start pooping 'em out before the McCanns sag and the service entrance dries up.

  11. Rotundo_

    I will give her credit, she realizes that *she* hasn't done anything to merit her good fortune, but given that Mommy is a beer heiress and Daddy is an Admirals kid legacy fuckup from a proud naval tradition it seems she missed the point about dear old mom and daddums by a few hundred miles. But in all the me me me shit, at least she has the dim self awareness to acknowledge her being born with a silver spoon in her mouth and a fabulous rack to go with it. More than can be said for shitheels like Tucker Carlson and other trust fund babies.

      1. tessiee

        "Tucker's rack is underwhelming"

        He does have a fat ass, though. If you go for that sort of thing.

        1. TitsAkimbo

          From a long-dead former colleague: “there's no greater joy than a fat-bottomed boy”. Not necessarily subscribed to by le moi though.

  12. Geminisunmars

    I bet that first "Interviewee" had her flashing back to those frat parties she attended back in the day, so so long ago in history.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Oh, please, she's still gong to frat parties. Except now they're held in Chelsea clubs, Hollywood after-hours joints, or Las Vegas casinos.

  13. Blueb4sunrise

    "I was chilling in, f—ing, where the f— was I—I was somewhere in Manhattan, Starbucks, a mother f—er comes up and says let’s drink beer"

    Holy fuck!! That was M.M. i was talking to!!! Except maybe it was in Phoenix… and a Chuy's, but it had gone out of business, but I distinctly remember somebody saying, "let's get a beer." And these enormous white globes…..

  14. barto

    Does she actually get paid for this crap? Oy! I have some other opportunities for her, just sayin'…

  15. hagajim

    Megs McCain – "I have been given every opportunity"

    And the bitch still can't find a real job. Good thing she's got the ol' trust fund.

  16. cuzcorrelation

    is to too late for Columbia to take away her degree and replace it with some remedial reading books?

  17. Wilcoxyz

    And then just like in the Grapes of Wrath, Meg breastfed a demented old pathetic man. I mean her longstanding senator.

  18. owhatever

    Megs. I hate to mention this, since you have had all of those opportunities, but a preposition is no word to end a sentence with.

        1. Generation[redacted]

          All I'm saying is if Darth Vader could use the force to choke people, I could use it to feel her up.

    1. tessiee

      "but a preposition is no word to end a sentence with."

      That is the sort of thing up with which I will not put.

    1. Not_So_Much

      As much as I wouldn't wish that on anyone, she kind of deserves it for this empty turd she pooped out on the interwebs.

    1. flamingpdog

      Am I the only one on Wonkette who thinks we should shrink the size of her tits until they're small enough to drown in a bathtub?

  19. Troubledog

    Therefore, to save America we need to create more mediocre prisoners of war who marry into money! Cool! Let's get drunk!

  20. ttommyunger

    "…I have been given every opportunity…" – Has anyone ever given her the opportunity to shut the fuck up and go shopping. Such a self-important little twat.

  21. Chillwaver

    "Or, you could also argue, it’s just a hippiefest, a Woodstock for 2011, packed with freeloaders who just want to lament about the success of the upper class."

    While on topic, Megs: how successful was daddy at landing jets?

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Isn' tit interesting how she can professes a dedication to personal freedom and personal responsibility, yet feel hopeless without a leader. Hennnggghh?

  22. Occupy V572

    I was given those opportunities as a result of the hard work from both sides of my family. my father being an unscrupulous adulterer and my mom inheriting a beer distributorship, an odd business with a unique constitutional protection ensuring that any dumb dipshit can make money off of every can of Bud Lite in the warehouse.

    //fixed

  23. Not_So_Much

    I was given those opportunities as a result of the hard work from both sides of my family.

    Wtf are you talking about McCleavage? Your Mom slaving over her child-proof prescription bottles while rolling around on mattresses stuffed with money, or your Dad repeatedly crashing planes and not flunking out of the academy only because he was the son and grandson of admirals? Boo-fucking-hoo, the horror! You empty-headed twatwaffle…

  24. user-of-owls

    The first man I tried to talk to couldn’t remember his last name and he looked like he was under the influence of something.

    The typical incompetence by Tits Akimbo is no surprise. I am curious, though, about which of her reporter friends told her that Occupy Wall Street was situated in the south Bronx.

        1. user-of-owls

          My god, you were serious!!

          'Oh, the humanity!'
          'It's alive!'
          'Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.'

          1. TitsAkimbo

            It was time for a change. My old practice of changing my name to whatever new "Dear Shitferbrains" respondent fell by the wayside when teh wonket quit doing that schtick, and I do like Meg McCabe's rack.

  25. BlueStateLibel

    "I was given those opportunities as a result of the hard work from both sides of my family."

    I give you one side only. Crashing planes and running after heiresses doesn't really count as hard work.

    1. iburl

      Well, the mom inherited all her riches too, from a father that seems to have gotten his start in illegal liquor distribution and illegal gambling, so not sure wtf she is talking about at all.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        She didn't say immediate family. Anyone who served under Admiral Halsey or supplied much needed liquor during prohibition must have done something right.

  26. yyyaz

    Woodstock: Undercurrents of peace, love and understanding set to music.

    OWS: Undercurrents of social upheaval framed by posters of guillotines.

    Yeah, same thing.

  27. user-of-owls

    This article would have had a decidedly different tone, I believe, if the first protester she ran into was carrying a sign that said, "Equal Rights For Fat-Asses."

  28. Goonemeritus

    I do find talking points from Miss McCain slightly less infuriating and I'm not sure why. Could it be that she comes off less dogmatic in her positions. Perhaps its the hint of self awareness that she is a pampered child of the 1%. It's probably`just her good cleavage.

    1. Rotundo_

      Yup, it's truly the boobies. I would unleash a barrage from my acid tongue but there is just something about a busty trust fund babe that makes me hold back. She's a little chunky and spunky and not blessed with a wretched excess of intellect, not a bad way to go through life I guess.

    2. Generation[redacted]

      Wait until Chuck Norris plagiarizes it. Then does it still sound reasonable, or was the good soldier standing at attention for Major Boobage?

  29. Wonderthing

    I, too, would love to be given things. Opportunities, beer, support hose, I don't care. If you, America, will give me those things I will stop trying to Occupy the shit out of you. I can be bought. And pretty cheaply I imagine. Fuck, was that my out loud whine?

      1. Generation[redacted]

        They hit their financial targets. Time for the McGrifter family to move on to the next small town, before the locals get wise.

  30. Sue4466

    Considering how awful the coverage of OWS has been, that's pretty impressive work there Meghan in the race to be the most vapid.

  31. BaldarTFlagass

    Psst! NASA! This McCain woman tried to sell me some moon rocks! I think she stole them out of the change caddy on her dad's dresser.

  32. Sue4466

    "I’m the daughter of one of the most long-standing senators in politics. "

    Hey Meghan, tell your dad to sit the fuck down already.

  33. JoshuaNorton

    What struck me more than anything is that for the first time possibly in history, people aren’t being given the same opportunities that my parents and grandparents had.

    And after the will is read, they all can just bite me!

  34. Antispandex

    Sure she's a pretty lesbian (and who doesn't like a pretty lesbian?), and she's had all of those "advantages", and her Dad is famous for something. So, how did she get such an awful case of the bitters?

  35. LakeLucilleLoon

    Yep, this girl had every monetary and family connection opportunity possible, and yet she still CAN'T write worth a shit. If brains were tits she'd have plenty, instead, she's just a boob with absolutely no self awareness.

    Here's the ticket Meghan McCain and Trig Palin, 2040

  36. JackObin

    She needs to find time in her manic schedule to get some exercise. One can almost hear the flab through the screen.

  37. Naked_Bunny

    It’s the left’s populist movement. The anti-Tea Party party

    Nice of her to admit that the Tea Party is not a populist movement.

  38. fuflans

    The first man I tried to talk to couldn’t remember his last name

    megs honey, there are many places in this country where you would be wise to follow his example.

  39. tessiee

    "for the first time possibly in history, people aren’t being given the same opportunities that my parents and grandparents had.

    Ah, there’s the money line. Yes, for the “first time possibly in history,” not counting the first couple hundred years of (we’ll be nice here) American history when slavery, industrialization, lack of women’s suffrage, segregation, blah blah this list could go on for years made life varying degrees of miserable for vast swaths of the population"

    To be strictly fair to Miss Bewbies, I think her comment was poorly worded rather than ignorant of history (although I suppose we can't rule that out either). Had she said, "for the first time possibly in history, people aren’t being given the same opportunities that *their* parents and grandparents had", it would have been closer to the truth. Throughout US history, vast swaths of the population have indeed been varying degrees of miserable; I think the difference that she was trying to point out is that it's the first time in history that we're now *downwardly mobile* compared to our parents/grandparents.

  40. Millennial Malaise

    "I’m the daughter of one of the most long-standing senators in politics"

    As opposed to what, Meghan? All the senators in business or medicine?

    The whole article is trash, and I'm not fucking JD Salinger, but it reads like every middle school book report I wrote the night before it was due.

  41. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The first man I tried to talk to couldn’t remember his last name and he looked like he was under the influence of something.

    Well, with her Mom, Megs would be an expert at identifying stuff like that.

  42. Negropolis

    I just made a kind of inane post about her use of the term "freeloader", but then after reading some of the other responses here, I decided to delete it. I just don't have the fire in my belly to attack her, anymore. There are so many more and so many more deserving people to pick apart. Megs is a "poor, little rich girl" as far as I'm concerned, a woman with good intention but a hell of a lot to learn, which won't be easy given the protective nature of her upbringing. But, I believe she can be turned.

  43. ShaveTheWhales

    I believe that this little essay of the absurd has just about neutralized my natural fondness for Meghan's tits. There are, after all, many other tits.

    I believe she either made up the first guy, or he was just playing with her. In either case, including that anecdote served no serious purpose.

    And, Megs, talking about opportunity and hard work: your mother inherited her fortune. Your father inherited what fortune he has, and he also inherited his fucking commission. And most of his political success stems from having been a POW, which he wouldn't have been except for having been a failure as a pilot. You're at least two generations removed from opportunity and hard work.

    And for those who think she might still acquire self-awareness: she's what, 25? That's old enough. I'll grant you she's not evil. She's just a twit.

  44. mumbly_joe

    What struck me more than anything is that for the first time possibly in history, people aren’t being given the same opportunities that my parents and grandparents had.

    It's true! for the first time possibly in history, most Americans aren't second-generation Admirals in the Navy, or the child of two generations of Admirals and pretty much ensured a political career by birth, or else heirs to one of the largest urine-water industries in the country.

    Meghan McCain understands your pain, poor Americans, because it's not as though she's someone who has a job during the worst economic downturn since the Depression, doing something that vaguely approximates journalism, despite being being completely unqualified, thanks to a terminal case of congenital vapidity.

  45. Billmatic

    And as I feel it is my duty to remind everyone, in every single column about Tits McCain:

    I'd still hit it.

  46. thefrontpage

    Mecan't McKegain is one of the most ignorant, moronic, idiotic, inept, dumb, stupid, clueless, asinine, uneducated, childish, immature, juvenile, unprofessional and just plain bizarro people out there today who is trying to write something that makes sense. She is clueless, stupid and ignorant. She has zero idea what the hell the protestors are about, she is clueless about real life and reality, and she just has no business writing about anything. She is just plain stupid.

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