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Here’s the Complete, Hilarious First Rick Perry Ad, Where He’s Dressed as Marlboro Man

Still trying to get Rick Perry’s “sausage rickroll” commercial out of your brain? How about the entire original campaign spot that produced the sausage fest’s closing shots of Perry inexplicably dressed in a full Halloween costume of a cowboy:

Thanks again to Wonkette operative “Andrew K.,” who is some kind of video-archive emotional terrorist.

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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129 comments

    1. CapnFatback

      Lessee. . . the construction worker is occupying Wall Street, the cop is protesting Ohio's Senate Bill 5, the Soldier has just been re-upped to Afghanistan, the biker is marooned in the Mojave Desert and can't afford the price of a gallon of gas, and the Native American is dead and buried under Rick Perry's shed, a victim of a recent jogging barrage.

      1. jus_wonderin

        Isn't it time we updated these archetypes? Though I am at a loss to suggest what new "types" we could pick.

        1. SexySmurf

          The Republican campaign manager, the Evangelical preacher, the Mid-western State Senator, the Texas "Cowboy" and Lindsey Graham.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      REAL cowboys don't wear jeans under their chaps.

      At least they don't at the Folsom Street Fair…

  1. GregComlish

    Oh, and I love the stammering look of intense concentration as he's reading his daughter a children's book.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        It's still better than 'surprising' Sarah Palin on her VP Bus for a TV interview, 'reading' to Trig by turning the pages at three second intervals. . .upside down.

    1. petehammer

      "Ta-he, ta-he"
      "Daddy, it's 'the'"
      "Thanks, honey. 'The big blue fish swam upst-re-am, ups-tram'"
      "'upsteam.'"
      "Thanks, honey."

  2. Indiepalin

    This video justs caps off a day in which his tax plan goes down in flames even as he questions Obama's birth certificate again.

    1. Occupy V572

      So you're saying that it isn't fair for John Paulson (2010 income, $5 billion) and a minimum-wage nightshift clerk at 7/11 (2010 income, assuming full-time work, $15,080) to pay tax at the same 20 percent rate?

      1. Indiepalin

        Especially since the minimum wage night clerk will have to pay FICA on 100% of his earnings while Paulson pays it on just .002136% of his income.

        1. Occupy V572

          Well, after Big Ricky “privatizes” Soshecurity, there won’t be any FICA withholding. See? Tax cuts = freedom. Or maybe he’ll just route the withholding directly to Merrill Lynch, who knows, it’ll never happen.

  3. Tommmcattt

    …And then Joey Stephano walked out of the brush in daisy dukes and a pair of cowboy boots and the buttsecks began!

    I know my late eighties porn!

      1. Occupy V572

        Isn't he "retiring," owing to his shame at the not-intended-to-be-a-factual-statement embarrassment?

        1. jus_wonderin

          To me, via email from Cornyn: "I share the frustration of the American people regarding the federal government's inability to restrain spending. Our national debt is now more than $14 trillion, and has increased by one-third since the beginning of the Obama Administration."

          Aren't we now putting the costs of THE WARS on the books instead of hiding them from the budget?

    1. Occupy V572

      Yell leader, if you please. The difference is they're not gay. Or think they aren't. Or haven't come out. Or think that doing it with rentboys doesn't count.

  4. elviouslyqueer

    Jesus, Mary, and Joseph in Assless Chaps! Okay, if I wasn't already a total raging cocksmoking homo, I absolutely would be after watching that ad.

  5. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Is there anywhere but Texas where a grownup can dress up like a five year old getting ready to watch Howdy Doody in the 1950s and still be taken seriously?

  6. NorthStarSpanx

    Needs more candle-power.

    Also too, what is the purpose of pulling leather tight against your scrotum, splitting it in half?

  7. SayItWithWookies

    Well — if I want my president to look good strutting around on an aircraft carrier I know who to vote for.

  8. PuckStopsHere

    Let me see if I've got this straight: Texan, check; faux cowboy who likes to play dress-up, check (but can he clear brush?); illiterate, check; pilot, check; wants to cut taxes for his rich friends/cronies, check and check. Yessir. Sounds like the Real Deal to me. What could possibly go wrong?

  9. SorosBot

    Psst, Texans; we're laughing at you over the whole pretending to be cowboys thing; it makes you look silly, not cool.

  10. NorthStarSpanx

    I hope Amy Poehler reprises her role of Kaitlin with her Step-Father Rick (Perry.)

    Nothing like an SNL take-down of POTUS/VPOTUS candidate too big for their chaps.

  11. baconzgood

    ALL RIGHT KEN! I'm going to tell you what I told my kids about bullies.

    IF YOU JUST IGNORE TEX-ASS IT WILL GO AWAY!

  12. Callyson

    "Sometimes your instincts tell you when a man is right for the job"
    And that's when you click on his profile on rentboy.com

    1. ThundercatHo

      "One of these days, Wilbur, I'm gonna learn to use the new phone and we'll just see what that nice Sarah McLachlan lady has to say about these dockswabber sessions."

  13. PuckStopsHere

    "Sometimes your instincts tell you when a man is right for the job…"="I don't have any facts to back this up."

  14. freakishlywrong

    I'm pretty sure Dubya buried cowboy drag hopefully for good, but at least until the near distant future.

  15. ThundercatHo

    I can't decide if his head is too big or his hat is too small. Also, too, d-bag, sit up in the saddle, a real man doesn't slouch.

  16. fartknocker

    One thing is for sure: they didn't film that commercial at his $9,900/month rental house in Westlake I'm paying for because Rick and Anita keep dicking around with the reconstruction of the Governor's Mansion. They both love sucking on the taxpayer tit.

  17. Tundra Grifter

    I prefer the Tennessee ad where the guy running for Ag Commissioner pulled out his rifle and took a few pot shots.

  18. jus_wonderin

    I might vote for the horse. It has to be smarter than Perry. (I didn't look at the vid, is there a horse in there?)

  19. jus_wonderin

    Ya know, I had horses (and cows) for the first 30 years of my life. NOT ONCE did I wear chaps. Perry is a pussy. Lil Chaffin' Legs Ricky.

    1. poncho_pilot

      i tried making fun of this ad when it was current to my Texan father-in-law. he couldn't do it. there was like a barrier he couldn't cross. it was strange.

      1. Chillwaver

        I know what you mean – my in-laws are Texans as well. Making fun of them is useless because, well, they just don't "get it." They are proud of who they are (or who they think they are) and don't understand why people don't see things their way. It is indeed strange…

        1. poncho_pilot

          all i was really trying to say to him–and i would criticize any politician doing something similar which they mostly all do–is his pandering in cowboy gear when he's kind of a dandy is phony.

          Texans seem to view Texas as something sacred. i don't think anything is sacred. that's their right, though. it just seems creepy to me.

          1. __kth__

            The reason for his unease is that, if someone (say, George W. Bush) can effortlessly impersonatef a cowboy, then anyone can, any cowboy one meets could merely the drugstore version, and the whole ethos is revealed to be without a foundation.

          2. poncho_pilot

            so what you're telling me is that the cowboy is both a real cowboy and an imposter cowboy until i open the lid of his pine box?

            anyway, i think for him he thinks it's "just what you have to do to get elected" and therefore not worthy of discussing/fighting against. i'm making him sound like a clown shoe. he's not. he's a very, very smart man 90% of the time.

  20. BarackMyWorld

    I love the part where it shows him reading as the announcer says "some who shares our values and beliefs" as if the Texans this ad was trying to appeal to were avid readers.

  21. Chet Kincaid

    I thought the farmers and ranchers were feudin' in all the cowboy movies, so how's a cowboy fit for an ag job? Does Rick rope cotton and shoot 'taters?

    Oh I see, he's a uniter!

    1. user-of-owls

      He sure as hell unites a lot of disparate emotions in me: hatred, contempt, loathing, anger, disgust…

      Well, you get the picture.

  22. Chet Kincaid

    OK, I've read about a million "Rick Perry smokes sausages" jokes about now, but have yet to see one source anywhere that gives any legitimacy even to the rumor. Post 'em if you got 'em, but until I see a sliver of evidence, my gut tells me the guy's just a conventional good ol' phony, pulling the wool over the eyes of his wife and his fundamentalist dupes with an eye for the showgirls, not the rentboys. As for the Dubya comparisons, the difference is he is not faking being a common, dirt-ranchin' Texan. Where's the, uh, beef?

  23. ttommyunger

    This fuckwad is an Eagle Scout. I can't wait to see the ads that play that up. I'll bet he still has his uniform and badges. I barely got past Tenderfoot. One of my first arrests was an Eagle Scout. Caught him in the act of burgling machines in a laundromat. When I found his Eagle Scout Card in his billfold at booking, I let him go with a warning and no paperwork. I know it wasn't Rick Perry, this kid turned out all right.

  24. magginkat

    In the early part of this video when Cowboy Rick marches out with his chaps on the only thing missing is his unzipped pants and showing his package! What a arrogant SOB.
    I'll share this one with others who need a laugh today.

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