rickroll

Here’s the Complete, Hilarious First Rick Perry Ad, Where He’s Dressed as Marlboro Man

Still trying to get Rick Perry’s “sausage rickroll” commercial out of your brain? How about the entire original campaign spot that produced the sausage fest’s closing shots of Perry inexplicably dressed in a full Halloween costume of a cowboy:

Thanks again to Wonkette operative “Andrew K.,” who is some kind of video-archive emotional terrorist.

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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  • nounverb911

    I thought the "Marlboro Man" died of lung cancer.

    • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

      "cigarhead?"

    • Callyson

      No, he kicked the habit after seeing Cain's campaign ad.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Like a Rhinestone Cowboy….
    ~

  • nounverb911

    Needs more dead coyotes.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    After they shot the ad, everyone went out for sausage.
    ~

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      No need to go far; those chaps fame his meat & 2-veg well enough.

      • RedneckMuslin

        Assless chaps!!!!! Gey!!!

  • littlebigdaddy

    Where's the rest of the Village People?

    • tihond

      Hanging out with Marcus Bachmann.

    • CapnFatback

      Lessee. . . the construction worker is occupying Wall Street, the cop is protesting Ohio's Senate Bill 5, the Soldier has just been re-upped to Afghanistan, the biker is marooned in the Mojave Desert and can't afford the price of a gallon of gas, and the Native American is dead and buried under Rick Perry's shed, a victim of a recent jogging barrage.

      • jus_wonderin

        Isn't it time we updated these archetypes? Though I am at a loss to suggest what new "types" we could pick.

        • SexySmurf

          The Republican campaign manager, the Evangelical preacher, the Mid-western State Senator, the Texas "Cowboy" and Lindsey Graham.

          • poncho_pilot

            what about right wing "journalist"?

        • CapnFatback

          Republican congressman?

      • chicken_thief

        2 thumbs up for thoroughness!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Actually that's the perfect commercial for Perry – at no part of it does he have to speak.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    "I wish I knew how to quit you, Rick."

    – G.W. Bush
    ~

  • GregComlish

    Every cowboy knows the importance of quality ass-less chaps

    • Tundra Grifter

      REAL cowboys don't wear jeans under their chaps.

      At least they don't at the Folsom Street Fair…

    • chicken_thief

      But wouldn't a chap's ass get chapped in assless chaps?!

      • poncho_pilot

        how much ass could a chap's ass chap if a chap wore assless chaps?

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Ask Siri.

    • AJWjr.

      Add ass to 'em, you end up with leather pants.

      • GregComlish

        Every cowboy knows the importance of crotch-less leather pants

    • RadioOcupados

      None of them is precious "private sector."

  • Occupy V572

    What's the difference between a "farmer," a "rancher," a "grower" and a "sausage inspector"?

    • gullywompr

      They're different combinations of lawyers, guns, and money.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      One of them smells better at the end of the day.

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      The "grower" is the only one having fun all day.

    • OneYieldRegular

      The Village People? I give up.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    If there's one thing this country has taught me, it's that Fake Cowboys always win.

  • SexySmurf

    Are you sure that wasn't a commercial for The A-List: Dallas?

    • Callyson

      Now that you mention it, Taylor bears some resemblance to the Rickster…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Even real cowboys down here don't get that dressed up, not even at Halloween.

  • OC_Surf_Serf_#OLA

    No, no, no… this was Perry's audition tape for the lead role in Brokeback Mountain

  • GregComlish

    Oh, and I love the stammering look of intense concentration as he's reading his daughter a children's book.

    • Schmannnity

      That's My Pet Goat that he borrowed from a friend.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        It's still better than 'surprising' Sarah Palin on her VP Bus for a TV interview, 'reading' to Trig by turning the pages at three second intervals. . .upside down.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      I thought the kid was reading it to him.

    • petehammer

      "Ta-he, ta-he"
      "Daddy, it's 'the'"
      "Thanks, honey. 'The big blue fish swam upst-re-am, ups-tram'"
      "'upsteam.'"
      "Thanks, honey."

  • gullywompr

    His gay Hitler costume was better.

  • nounverb911

    So the horse is Perry's beard?

    • Indiepalin

      Or vice-versa?

  • Indiepalin

    This video justs caps off a day in which his tax plan goes down in flames even as he questions Obama's birth certificate again.

    • Occupy V572

      So you're saying that it isn't fair for John Paulson (2010 income, $5 billion) and a minimum-wage nightshift clerk at 7/11 (2010 income, assuming full-time work, $15,080) to pay tax at the same 20 percent rate?

      • Indiepalin

        Especially since the minimum wage night clerk will have to pay FICA on 100% of his earnings while Paulson pays it on just .002136% of his income.

        • Occupy V572

          Well, after Big Ricky “privatizes” Soshecurity, there won’t be any FICA withholding. See? Tax cuts = freedom. Or maybe he’ll just route the withholding directly to Merrill Lynch, who knows, it’ll never happen.

          • Indiepalin

            Oh well. That's very different. Nevermind.

  • tihond

    Well, he's sure to get the votes of Linda Lael Miller readers.

  • Tommmcattt

    …And then Joey Stephano walked out of the brush in daisy dukes and a pair of cowboy boots and the buttsecks began!

    I know my late eighties porn!

    • elviouslyqueer

      Dad?

    • jus_wonderin

      Oh, I remember this one. The horse was really verbal and controlling in it.

  • ProgressiveInga

    True Bullshit.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Nice closing with two horse's asses.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Even the horses are ashamed.

  • Lucidamente1

    I'll see you yer Perry and raise you a Cornyn:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Gq5YaXBcYE

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      My god that was awful. Please tell me he's going to lose

      • Lucidamente1

        Alas, he rode that piece of advertising genius to easy re-election in 2008.

      • Occupy V572

        Isn't he "retiring," owing to his shame at the not-intended-to-be-a-factual-statement embarrassment?

        • jus_wonderin

          To me, via email from Cornyn: "I share the frustration of the American people regarding the federal government's inability to restrain spending. Our national debt is now more than $14 trillion, and has increased by one-third since the beginning of the Obama Administration."

          Aren't we now putting the costs of THE WARS on the books instead of hiding them from the budget?

    • poncho_pilot

      canyonero! whoa! what's with the awful David Byrne/"World Music"/early-90's Myst/Riven music mixed with the worst Lorne Greene impersonator ever?

      anyway, this is how you do that shit fucking right: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9sIPW9twl0

  • Schmannnity

    Forgot to mention cheerleader.

    • Occupy V572

      Yell leader, if you please. The difference is they're not gay. Or think they aren't. Or haven't come out. Or think that doing it with rentboys doesn't count.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Jesus, Mary, and Joseph in Assless Chaps! Okay, if I wasn't already a total raging cocksmoking homo, I absolutely would be after watching that ad.

    • gullywompr

      There, you see? The LSM does promote the homosexual agenda!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Get yer gad danged feet off the table, Rick!

  • tihond

    Apparently, Perry is running for president of the 1890s.

  • ghblowhard

    Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Is there anywhere but Texas where a grownup can dress up like a five year old getting ready to watch Howdy Doody in the 1950s and still be taken seriously?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    He also likes to press wildflowers.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Needs more candle-power.

    Also too, what is the purpose of pulling leather tight against your scrotum, splitting it in half?

    • AJWjr.

      Cowboy equivalent of cameltoe?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well — if I want my president to look good strutting around on an aircraft carrier I know who to vote for.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Tom Cruise?

      Val Kilmer?

      Fred Thompson?

      • Occupy V572

        Panamanian strongman Juan McCain?

  • x111e7thst

    More Midnight and less Cowboy if you ask me.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Let me see if I've got this straight: Texan, check; faux cowboy who likes to play dress-up, check (but can he clear brush?); illiterate, check; pilot, check; wants to cut taxes for his rich friends/cronies, check and check. Yessir. Sounds like the Real Deal to me. What could possibly go wrong?

    • nounverb911

      Perry/Cheney 2012?

  • SorosBot

    Psst, Texans; we're laughing at you over the whole pretending to be cowboys thing; it makes you look silly, not cool.

  • CapnFatback

    Ooh, I never miss an episode of Little House on the Perry!

  • chicken_thief

    I didn't realize that Niggerhead was mere minutes away from Brokeback Mountain by horse.

  • Come here a minute

    But how is he at clearing brush?

  • NorthStarSpanx

    I hope Amy Poehler reprises her role of Kaitlin with her Step-Father Rick (Perry.)

    Nothing like an SNL take-down of POTUS/VPOTUS candidate too big for their chaps.

  • baconzgood

    ALL RIGHT KEN! I'm going to tell you what I told my kids about bullies.

    IF YOU JUST IGNORE TEX-ASS IT WILL GO AWAY!

  • Callyson

    "Sometimes your instincts tell you when a man is right for the job"
    And that's when you click on his profile on rentboy.com

  • Not_So_Much

    I could be wrong, but that horse looks like he's been touched in an inappropriate way…

    • freakishlywrong

      As does Rick Perry.

    • ThundercatHo

      "One of these days, Wilbur, I'm gonna learn to use the new phone and we'll just see what that nice Sarah McLachlan lady has to say about these dockswabber sessions."

    • __kth__

      srsly, rides a horse like he's in a fucking parade

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Here is some video of Rick Perry during his little talked about days in a hair band:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOKv0qaA-nw

    • Occupy V572

      Very nice!

  • PuckStopsHere

    "Sometimes your instincts tell you when a man is right for the job…"="I don't have any facts to back this up."

    • Rosie_Scenario

      "This is NOT one of those times."

  • freakishlywrong

    I'm pretty sure Dubya buried cowboy drag hopefully for good, but at least until the near distant future.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Needs more cigarette smoking.

    • chicken_thief

      Oh, believe me, they are puffing away off camera.

  • ThundercatHo

    I can't decide if his head is too big or his hat is too small. Also, too, d-bag, sit up in the saddle, a real man doesn't slouch.

  • fartknocker

    One thing is for sure: they didn't film that commercial at his $9,900/month rental house in Westlake I'm paying for because Rick and Anita keep dicking around with the reconstruction of the Governor's Mansion. They both love sucking on the taxpayer tit.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I prefer the Tennessee ad where the guy running for Ag Commissioner pulled out his rifle and took a few pot shots.

    • justkillmenow

      That thing was all kinds of awesome.

  • jus_wonderin

    I might vote for the horse. It has to be smarter than Perry. (I didn't look at the vid, is there a horse in there?)

  • bureaucrap

    As I recall, he beat Progressive Icon Jim Hightower, didn't he?

    Reason #432,783 to hate him.

  • chicken_thief

    Needz more little Joey doing the annoying "Shannnne, come backkkkkk".

  • jus_wonderin

    Ya know, I had horses (and cows) for the first 30 years of my life. NOT ONCE did I wear chaps. Perry is a pussy. Lil Chaffin' Legs Ricky.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    And yet most Texans ate this shit up, over and over again.

    • poncho_pilot

      i tried making fun of this ad when it was current to my Texan father-in-law. he couldn't do it. there was like a barrier he couldn't cross. it was strange.

      • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

        I know what you mean – my in-laws are Texans as well. Making fun of them is useless because, well, they just don't "get it." They are proud of who they are (or who they think they are) and don't understand why people don't see things their way. It is indeed strange…

        • poncho_pilot

          all i was really trying to say to him–and i would criticize any politician doing something similar which they mostly all do–is his pandering in cowboy gear when he's kind of a dandy is phony.

          Texans seem to view Texas as something sacred. i don't think anything is sacred. that's their right, though. it just seems creepy to me.

          • __kth__

            The reason for his unease is that, if someone (say, George W. Bush) can effortlessly impersonatef a cowboy, then anyone can, any cowboy one meets could merely the drugstore version, and the whole ethos is revealed to be without a foundation.

          • poncho_pilot

            so what you're telling me is that the cowboy is both a real cowboy and an imposter cowboy until i open the lid of his pine box?

            anyway, i think for him he thinks it's "just what you have to do to get elected" and therefore not worthy of discussing/fighting against. i'm making him sound like a clown shoe. he's not. he's a very, very smart man 90% of the time.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Schrodinger's cowboy FTW.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            Or the dual, Perry's Pussy.

  • fletc3her

    I watched the whole ad, but I'm still not sure what state he was running in.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    I saw the video three times already, what's wrong with me?

  • El Pinche

    Gay Woody from Toystory ?

  • BarackMyWorld

    I love the part where it shows him reading as the announcer says "some who shares our values and beliefs" as if the Texans this ad was trying to appeal to were avid readers.

  • jus_wonderin

    Now, in the video aftermath, or before you watched?

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Never knew you had to dress like a member of the Village People to get elected in Texas.

  • Arken

    You know that ad is all staged because it shows Perry reading a book.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    I thought the farmers and ranchers were feudin' in all the cowboy movies, so how's a cowboy fit for an ag job? Does Rick rope cotton and shoot 'taters?

    Oh I see, he's a uniter!

    • user-of-owls

      He sure as hell unites a lot of disparate emotions in me: hatred, contempt, loathing, anger, disgust…

      Well, you get the picture.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    OK, I've read about a million "Rick Perry smokes sausages" jokes about now, but have yet to see one source anywhere that gives any legitimacy even to the rumor. Post 'em if you got 'em, but until I see a sliver of evidence, my gut tells me the guy's just a conventional good ol' phony, pulling the wool over the eyes of his wife and his fundamentalist dupes with an eye for the showgirls, not the rentboys. As for the Dubya comparisons, the difference is he is not faking being a common, dirt-ranchin' Texan. Where's the, uh, beef?

  • ttommyunger

    This fuckwad is an Eagle Scout. I can't wait to see the ads that play that up. I'll bet he still has his uniform and badges. I barely got past Tenderfoot. One of my first arrests was an Eagle Scout. Caught him in the act of burgling machines in a laundromat. When I found his Eagle Scout Card in his billfold at booking, I let him go with a warning and no paperwork. I know it wasn't Rick Perry, this kid turned out all right.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Assless chaps are teh ghey.

  • salt_bagel

    What is up with this giant water bong at 0:25?

  • magginkat

    In the early part of this video when Cowboy Rick marches out with his chaps on the only thing missing is his unzipped pants and showing his package! What a arrogant SOB.
    I'll share this one with others who need a laugh today.

  • elviouslyqueer