RICKROLL  1:39 pm October 25, 2011

Here’s the Complete, Hilarious First Rick Perry Ad, Where He’s Dressed as Marlboro Man

by Ken Layne

Still trying to get Rick Perry’s “sausage rickroll” commercial out of your brain? How about the entire original campaign spot that produced the sausage fest’s closing shots of Perry inexplicably dressed in a full Halloween costume of a cowboy:

Thanks again to Wonkette operative “Andrew K.,” who is some kind of video-archive emotional terrorist.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 129 comments }

nounverb911 October 25, 2011 at 1:41 pm

I thought the "Marlboro Man" died of lung cancer.

Gratuitous World October 25, 2011 at 1:48 pm

"cigarhead?"

Callyson October 25, 2011 at 2:11 pm

No, he kicked the habit after seeing Cain's campaign ad.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 25, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Like a Rhinestone Cowboy….
~

nounverb911 October 25, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Needs more dead coyotes.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 25, 2011 at 1:44 pm

After they shot the ad, everyone went out for sausage.
~

WhatTheHolyHeck October 25, 2011 at 2:31 pm

No need to go far; those chaps fame his meat & 2-veg well enough.

RedneckMuslin October 25, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Assless chaps!!!!! Gey!!!

littlebigdaddy October 25, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Where's the rest of the Village People?

tihond October 25, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Hanging out with Marcus Bachmann.

CapnFatback October 25, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Lessee. . . the construction worker is occupying Wall Street, the cop is protesting Ohio's Senate Bill 5, the Soldier has just been re-upped to Afghanistan, the biker is marooned in the Mojave Desert and can't afford the price of a gallon of gas, and the Native American is dead and buried under Rick Perry's shed, a victim of a recent jogging barrage.

jus_wonderin October 25, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Isn't it time we updated these archetypes? Though I am at a loss to suggest what new "types" we could pick.

SexySmurf October 25, 2011 at 2:43 pm

The Republican campaign manager, the Evangelical preacher, the Mid-western State Senator, the Texas "Cowboy" and Lindsey Graham.

poncho_pilot October 25, 2011 at 2:44 pm

what about right wing "journalist"?

CapnFatback October 25, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Republican congressman?

chicken_thief October 25, 2011 at 2:36 pm

2 thumbs up for thoroughness!

imissopus October 25, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Actually that's the perfect commercial for Perry – at no part of it does he have to speak.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 25, 2011 at 1:45 pm

"I wish I knew how to quit you, Rick."

- G.W. Bush
~

GregComlish October 25, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Every cowboy knows the importance of quality ass-less chaps

Tundra Grifter October 25, 2011 at 2:24 pm

REAL cowboys don't wear jeans under their chaps.

At least they don't at the Folsom Street Fair…

chicken_thief October 25, 2011 at 2:28 pm

But wouldn't a chap's ass get chapped in assless chaps?!

poncho_pilot October 25, 2011 at 2:46 pm

how much ass could a chap's ass chap if a chap wore assless chaps?

Chet Kincaid October 25, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Ask Siri.

AJWjr. October 25, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Add ass to 'em, you end up with leather pants.

GregComlish October 25, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Every cowboy knows the importance of crotch-less leather pants

RadioOcupados October 25, 2011 at 3:00 pm

None of them is precious "private sector."

Occupy V572 October 25, 2011 at 1:45 pm

What's the difference between a "farmer," a "rancher," a "grower" and a "sausage inspector"?

gullywompr October 25, 2011 at 1:50 pm

They're different combinations of lawyers, guns, and money.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2011 at 2:11 pm

One of them smells better at the end of the day.

BTWBFDIMHO October 25, 2011 at 2:29 pm

The "grower" is the only one having fun all day.

OneYieldRegular October 25, 2011 at 4:21 pm

The Village People? I give up.

Gratuitous World October 25, 2011 at 1:46 pm

If there's one thing this country has taught me, it's that Fake Cowboys always win.

SexySmurf October 25, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Are you sure that wasn't a commercial for The A-List: Dallas?

Callyson October 25, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Now that you mention it, Taylor bears some resemblance to the Rickster…

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Even real cowboys down here don't get that dressed up, not even at Halloween.

OC_Surf_Serf_#OLA October 25, 2011 at 1:48 pm

No, no, no… this was Perry's audition tape for the lead role in Brokeback Mountain

GregComlish October 25, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Oh, and I love the stammering look of intense concentration as he's reading his daughter a children's book.

Schmannnity October 25, 2011 at 1:53 pm

That's My Pet Goat that he borrowed from a friend.

NorthStarSpanx October 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm

It's still better than 'surprising' Sarah Palin on her VP Bus for a TV interview, 'reading' to Trig by turning the pages at three second intervals. . .upside down.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I thought the kid was reading it to him.

petehammer October 25, 2011 at 2:31 pm

"Ta-he, ta-he"
"Daddy, it's 'the'"
"Thanks, honey. 'The big blue fish swam upst-re-am, ups-tram'"
"'upsteam.'"
"Thanks, honey."

gullywompr October 25, 2011 at 1:48 pm

His gay Hitler costume was better.

nounverb911 October 25, 2011 at 1:48 pm

So the horse is Perry's beard?

Indiepalin October 25, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Or vice-versa?

Indiepalin October 25, 2011 at 1:49 pm

This video justs caps off a day in which his tax plan goes down in flames even as he questions Obama's birth certificate again.

Occupy V572 October 25, 2011 at 2:27 pm

So you're saying that it isn't fair for John Paulson (2010 income, $5 billion) and a minimum-wage nightshift clerk at 7/11 (2010 income, assuming full-time work, $15,080) to pay tax at the same 20 percent rate?

Indiepalin October 25, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Especially since the minimum wage night clerk will have to pay FICA on 100% of his earnings while Paulson pays it on just .002136% of his income.

Occupy V572 October 25, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Well, after Big Ricky “privatizes” Soshecurity, there won’t be any FICA withholding. See? Tax cuts = freedom. Or maybe he’ll just route the withholding directly to Merrill Lynch, who knows, it’ll never happen.

Indiepalin October 25, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Oh well. That's very different. Nevermind.

tihond October 25, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Well, he's sure to get the votes of Linda Lael Miller readers.

Tommmcattt October 25, 2011 at 1:50 pm

…And then Joey Stephano walked out of the brush in daisy dukes and a pair of cowboy boots and the buttsecks began!

I know my late eighties porn!

elviouslyqueer October 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Dad?

jus_wonderin October 25, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Oh, I remember this one. The horse was really verbal and controlling in it.

ProgressiveInga October 25, 2011 at 1:51 pm

True Bullshit.

weejee October 25, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Nice closing with two horse's asses.

JustPixelz October 25, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Even the horses are ashamed.

Lucidamente1 October 25, 2011 at 1:52 pm

I'll see you yer Perry and raise you a Cornyn:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Gq5YaXBcYE

Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2011 at 2:17 pm

My god that was awful. Please tell me he's going to lose

Lucidamente1 October 25, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Alas, he rode that piece of advertising genius to easy re-election in 2008.

Occupy V572 October 25, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Isn't he "retiring," owing to his shame at the not-intended-to-be-a-factual-statement embarrassment?

jus_wonderin October 25, 2011 at 2:43 pm

To me, via email from Cornyn: "I share the frustration of the American people regarding the federal government's inability to restrain spending. Our national debt is now more than $14 trillion, and has increased by one-third since the beginning of the Obama Administration."

Aren't we now putting the costs of THE WARS on the books instead of hiding them from the budget?

poncho_pilot October 25, 2011 at 2:50 pm

canyonero! whoa! what's with the awful David Byrne/"World Music"/early-90's Myst/Riven music mixed with the worst Lorne Greene impersonator ever?

anyway, this is how you do that shit fucking right: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9sIPW9twl0

Schmannnity October 25, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Forgot to mention cheerleader.

Occupy V572 October 25, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Yell leader, if you please. The difference is they're not gay. Or think they aren't. Or haven't come out. Or think that doing it with rentboys doesn't count.

elviouslyqueer October 25, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph in Assless Chaps! Okay, if I wasn't already a total raging cocksmoking homo, I absolutely would be after watching that ad.

gullywompr October 25, 2011 at 2:34 pm

There, you see? The LSM does promote the homosexual agenda!

johnnyzhivago October 25, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Get yer gad danged feet off the table, Rick!

tihond October 25, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Apparently, Perry is running for president of the 1890s.

ghblowhard October 25, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 25, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Is there anywhere but Texas where a grownup can dress up like a five year old getting ready to watch Howdy Doody in the 1950s and still be taken seriously?

johnnyzhivago October 25, 2011 at 1:57 pm

He also likes to press wildflowers.

NorthStarSpanx October 25, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Needs more candle-power.

Also too, what is the purpose of pulling leather tight against your scrotum, splitting it in half?

AJWjr. October 25, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Cowboy equivalent of cameltoe?

SayItWithWookies October 25, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Well — if I want my president to look good strutting around on an aircraft carrier I know who to vote for.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 25, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Tom Cruise?

Val Kilmer?

Fred Thompson?

Occupy V572 October 25, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Panamanian strongman Juan McCain?

x111e7thst October 25, 2011 at 2:00 pm

More Midnight and less Cowboy if you ask me.

poncho_pilot October 25, 2011 at 2:52 pm
PuckStopsHere October 25, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Let me see if I've got this straight: Texan, check; faux cowboy who likes to play dress-up, check (but can he clear brush?); illiterate, check; pilot, check; wants to cut taxes for his rich friends/cronies, check and check. Yessir. Sounds like the Real Deal to me. What could possibly go wrong?

nounverb911 October 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Perry/Cheney 2012?

SorosBot October 25, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Psst, Texans; we're laughing at you over the whole pretending to be cowboys thing; it makes you look silly, not cool.

CapnFatback October 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Ooh, I never miss an episode of Little House on the Perry!

chicken_thief October 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm

I didn't realize that Niggerhead was mere minutes away from Brokeback Mountain by horse.

Come here a minute October 25, 2011 at 2:04 pm

But how is he at clearing brush?

NorthStarSpanx October 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I hope Amy Poehler reprises her role of Kaitlin with her Step-Father Rick (Perry.)

Nothing like an SNL take-down of POTUS/VPOTUS candidate too big for their chaps.

baconzgood October 25, 2011 at 2:10 pm

ALL RIGHT KEN! I'm going to tell you what I told my kids about bullies.

IF YOU JUST IGNORE TEX-ASS IT WILL GO AWAY!

Callyson October 25, 2011 at 2:10 pm

"Sometimes your instincts tell you when a man is right for the job"
And that's when you click on his profile on rentboy.com

Not_So_Much October 25, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I could be wrong, but that horse looks like he's been touched in an inappropriate way…

freakishlywrong October 25, 2011 at 2:14 pm

As does Rick Perry.

ThundercatHo October 25, 2011 at 2:33 pm

"One of these days, Wilbur, I'm gonna learn to use the new phone and we'll just see what that nice Sarah McLachlan lady has to say about these dockswabber sessions."

__kth__ October 25, 2011 at 7:45 pm

srsly, rides a horse like he's in a fucking parade

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 25, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Here is some video of Rick Perry during his little talked about days in a hair band:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOKv0qaA-nw

Occupy V572 October 25, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Very nice!

PuckStopsHere October 25, 2011 at 2:16 pm

"Sometimes your instincts tell you when a man is right for the job…"="I don't have any facts to back this up."

Rosie_Scenario October 25, 2011 at 3:44 pm

"This is NOT one of those times."

freakishlywrong October 25, 2011 at 2:17 pm

I'm pretty sure Dubya buried cowboy drag hopefully for good, but at least until the near distant future.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Needs more cigarette smoking.

chicken_thief October 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Oh, believe me, they are puffing away off camera.

ThundercatHo October 25, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I can't decide if his head is too big or his hat is too small. Also, too, d-bag, sit up in the saddle, a real man doesn't slouch.

fartknocker October 25, 2011 at 2:23 pm

One thing is for sure: they didn't film that commercial at his $9,900/month rental house in Westlake I'm paying for because Rick and Anita keep dicking around with the reconstruction of the Governor's Mansion. They both love sucking on the taxpayer tit.

Tundra Grifter October 25, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I prefer the Tennessee ad where the guy running for Ag Commissioner pulled out his rifle and took a few pot shots.

justkillmenow October 25, 2011 at 4:13 pm

That thing was all kinds of awesome.

jus_wonderin October 25, 2011 at 2:30 pm

I might vote for the horse. It has to be smarter than Perry. (I didn't look at the vid, is there a horse in there?)

bureaucrap October 25, 2011 at 2:31 pm

As I recall, he beat Progressive Icon Jim Hightower, didn't he?

Reason #432,783 to hate him.

chicken_thief October 25, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Needz more little Joey doing the annoying "Shannnne, come backkkkkk".

jus_wonderin October 25, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Ya know, I had horses (and cows) for the first 30 years of my life. NOT ONCE did I wear chaps. Perry is a pussy. Lil Chaffin' Legs Ricky.

Chillwaver October 25, 2011 at 2:34 pm

And yet most Texans ate this shit up, over and over again.

poncho_pilot October 25, 2011 at 3:04 pm

i tried making fun of this ad when it was current to my Texan father-in-law. he couldn't do it. there was like a barrier he couldn't cross. it was strange.

Chillwaver October 25, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I know what you mean – my in-laws are Texans as well. Making fun of them is useless because, well, they just don't "get it." They are proud of who they are (or who they think they are) and don't understand why people don't see things their way. It is indeed strange…

poncho_pilot October 25, 2011 at 3:50 pm

all i was really trying to say to him–and i would criticize any politician doing something similar which they mostly all do–is his pandering in cowboy gear when he's kind of a dandy is phony.

Texans seem to view Texas as something sacred. i don't think anything is sacred. that's their right, though. it just seems creepy to me.

__kth__ October 25, 2011 at 7:50 pm

The reason for his unease is that, if someone (say, George W. Bush) can effortlessly impersonatef a cowboy, then anyone can, any cowboy one meets could merely the drugstore version, and the whole ethos is revealed to be without a foundation.

fletc3her October 25, 2011 at 2:37 pm

I watched the whole ad, but I'm still not sure what state he was running in.

BTWBFDIMHO October 25, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I saw the video three times already, what's wrong with me?

El Pinche October 25, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Gay Woody from Toystory ?

BarackMyWorld October 25, 2011 at 3:03 pm

I love the part where it shows him reading as the announcer says "some who shares our values and beliefs" as if the Texans this ad was trying to appeal to were avid readers.

jus_wonderin October 25, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Now, in the video aftermath, or before you watched?

Allmighty_Manos October 25, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Never knew you had to dress like a member of the Village People to get elected in Texas.

Arken October 25, 2011 at 5:08 pm

You know that ad is all staged because it shows Perry reading a book.

Chet Kincaid October 25, 2011 at 5:57 pm

I thought the farmers and ranchers were feudin' in all the cowboy movies, so how's a cowboy fit for an ag job? Does Rick rope cotton and shoot 'taters?

Oh I see, he's a uniter!

user-of-owls October 25, 2011 at 6:47 pm

He sure as hell unites a lot of disparate emotions in me: hatred, contempt, loathing, anger, disgust…

Well, you get the picture.

Chet Kincaid October 25, 2011 at 8:12 pm

OK, I've read about a million "Rick Perry smokes sausages" jokes about now, but have yet to see one source anywhere that gives any legitimacy even to the rumor. Post 'em if you got 'em, but until I see a sliver of evidence, my gut tells me the guy's just a conventional good ol' phony, pulling the wool over the eyes of his wife and his fundamentalist dupes with an eye for the showgirls, not the rentboys. As for the Dubya comparisons, the difference is he is not faking being a common, dirt-ranchin' Texan. Where's the, uh, beef?

ttommyunger October 25, 2011 at 9:05 pm

This fuckwad is an Eagle Scout. I can't wait to see the ads that play that up. I'll bet he still has his uniform and badges. I barely got past Tenderfoot. One of my first arrests was an Eagle Scout. Caught him in the act of burgling machines in a laundromat. When I found his Eagle Scout Card in his billfold at booking, I let him go with a warning and no paperwork. I know it wasn't Rick Perry, this kid turned out all right.

starfanglednut October 25, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Assless chaps are teh ghey.

salt_bagel October 25, 2011 at 11:09 pm

What is up with this giant water bong at 0:25?

magginkat October 28, 2011 at 11:47 am

In the early part of this video when Cowboy Rick marches out with his chaps on the only thing missing is his unzipped pants and showing his package! What a arrogant SOB.
I'll share this one with others who need a laugh today.

elviouslyqueer October 25, 2011 at 3:06 pm
poncho_pilot October 25, 2011 at 7:57 pm

so what you're telling me is that the cowboy is both a real cowboy and an imposter cowboy until i open the lid of his pine box?

anyway, i think for him he thinks it's "just what you have to do to get elected" and therefore not worthy of discussing/fighting against. i'm making him sound like a clown shoe. he's not. he's a very, very smart man 90% of the time.

starfanglednut October 25, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Schrodinger's cowboy FTW.

ShaveTheWhales October 25, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Or the dual, Perry's Pussy.

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