Bachmann’s Former NH Staffers Confirm She Is Totally Dysfunctional

  well there's a surprise

The dodo, pictured here shortly before extinction.More drama from the Michele Bachmann campaign! Her former team of New Hampshire staffers who all quit Friday put out a very crabby press release stating that they quit not for the glaringly obvious reasons that Michele Bachmann is a serial pill-snarfing nutcase Space Jesus freak married to a flaming closet case who together make hundreds of thousands of dollars off the government through creepy fake homo-curing clinic rackets and Michele’s shell career as a U.S. Representative who collects a fat public salary and benefits for doing sub-zero quantities of legislative work, BUT — instead — because her national campaign team treated them mean. Whatever works! Michele initially tried to claim in her usual reality-defying fashion that these staffers had not actually abandoned their jobs and it was all some kind of socialist media conspiracy, but No, Not This Time. They specifically want us to know they quit because they’re angry at her campaign, and they have lots of dirt to share, after the jump!

From the departed staffers’ angry press release, via National Journal:

The manner in which some in the national team conducted themselves towards Team-NH was rude, unprofessional, dishonest, and at times cruel.  But more concerning was how abrasive, discourteous, and dismissive some within the national team were towards many New Hampshire citizens. These are our neighbors and our friends, and some within the national team treated them more as a nuisance than as potential supporters.

Through all this chaos, Team-NH was never involved in the shifting strategy discussions. Team members were repeatedly ignored regarding simple requests, sometimes going weeks with little or no contact with the national team. Yet the members of Team-NH remained committed to Congressman Bachmann, often at peril to their own personal and professional reputations within New Hampshire.

Sad. We were kind of hoping for some “and God, why was Marcus delicately chanting erotic hymns from Canticles to the copy boy all the time” flavored dirt, but there’s always next time. [National Journal]

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239 comments

  1. Pragmatist2

    This presents a deep quandary.
    Should I take the word of anyone stupid and venal enough to work for Bachmann when they say that Bachmann is stupid and venal?
    Muddled in Minneapolis

    1. MonsterAGoGo

      But they don't blame her, she's a patriot this country desparately needs in the White House! Pff. White House. More like a room with soft white padded walls. In there she can talk to starbaby Jesus about what the queers are doing to the soil in De Moines Iowa to her heart's content. She's not like other people, here, in the trailer park.

      1. PristinePantalones

        She's all about "personal enslavement," man. How does this stupid stupid CUNT, who spouts all this shit about submissiveness and obeying the husband, how does she DARE talk about being gay as personal enslavement? I'd love to kick her in the fork. Yeah, that fork.

        1. flamingpdog

          Cheap cherry brandy – tastes just like cough syrup with codeine, but with a much bigger punch.

    1. Blueb4sunrise

      Well, there's probably an implicit 'But not to US!!!'

      I think it's a missing premise in the
      'Paradox of the stupid and venal ' that Pragmatist2 mentions above.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      "…rude, unprofessional, dishonest, and at times cruel."

      And your point is…?

      Seriously, these people act like they've never seen the inside of a sorority house.

    1. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Needs moar hot teabagger girl-on-girl action.

      Oh, right, this is the Tea Party. Never mind!

      1. CrunchyKnee

        My goodness, that made me puke in my mouth a little bit – tea bagger lady #1 slides off her Hoveround seductively clutching her super sized bag of Cheetos, while tea bagger lady #2 oils up her FUPA…

    2. FakaktaSouth

      These people sound so literate – I can't tell, are they just hired guns like Ed Rollins who do this campaign work professionally for the highest bidder, or are these actual one time Bachmanniacs? I would think someone in New Hampshire who had fallen down this particular kind of Michele-hole would be crazier sounding than this.

      1. Dashboard_Jesus

        love it, *Michele-hole* is so many kinds of awesome…as in, "just how far down the Michele-hole are you willing to go, Alice? HENGH?!" (apparently not that far)

      1. prommie

        First the faggots outlaw the "f" word, then the fucking retards steal the "r" word from us. This fucking faggoty political correctness is retarded.

    3. Tundra Grifter

      Prommie:

      We're going to get to watch this GNoP Dodgeball game for the next twelve months or so – personally, I'm rather looking forward to it.

  2. Barb

    She probably thought that Team-NH was just a bunch of foster children and ignored them because of that.

      1. Callyson

        cashed their checks licketty split.
        That about sums up Shelly's relationship to the US government as well.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      I refuse to give up hope until her entire campaign is staffed exclusively by her foster children.

  3. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

    "Through all this chaos, Team-NH was never involved in the shifting strategy discussions." Uh, Team-NH does sound a bit whine-y.

    I wonder if they'll talk about this tonight on that hot new CNN show, "Parker Spitzer." Seems like it would be right up their alley.

  4. i_AM_ready

    Gawd, such self-importance from a bunch of local hacks working for the hackiest candidate. Starting with referring to themselves in the third person:

    "It is distressing that the motives of the members of Team-NH who are now departing the campaign are being questioned. Team-NH has always been dedicated to Congresswoman Bachmann. They've worked very hard over the past several months to ensure her success in NH. We wish her well and will continue to work toward our shared goal of making President Obama a one-term president."

    Nice. Not "our shared goal of creating a better world," or even "our shared goal of electing Congresswoman Bachmann President." Their goal, their MISSION, is getting the black guy out of the White House. Fuck all of them and their petty squabbles.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      It's their goal, their dedication, their hard work, but "we" wish her well. Some grammatical disassociation going on there.

    2. OneYieldRegular

      The bad faith of even the smallest, most petulant factions of the Republican Party – while it's nothing compared to that of their leaders – never ceases to amaze me.

    3. Negropolis

      I know, right?

      There is no honor among theives, you naive little fuckers. Bachmann made it clear from Day 0 that she was going to park her narrow ass at Waterloo like a stubbron Iowa heifer on a local railroad track, come what may. Bachmann couldn't even win the office of local dog catcher in New Hampshire, let alone the GOP primary, there, so jokes on you and I couldn't care less.

  5. GOPCrusher

    I just wonder how long it's going to be before some of her former foster children come forward and tell us a terrifying tale of what it was like to live in the same house as Cruella DeVille Bachmann.
    Probably make Joan Crawford look like Mother Teresa.

    1. PristinePantalones

      I've been searching for information regarding the 23 bazillion fosterlings, but haven't found much so far. However, there IS documentation of one incident when she felt that someone working on a committe was insufficiently supportive of her. Apparently she went right up to the poor woman and screamed, over and over, in her face, "You WILL PAY for this! You WILL PAY!" until the poor woman dissolved into hysterics.

      The kiddie stories will be pure gold, when they finally emerge. @KenLayne, I'm *begging* you — there's GOLD in them thar pillocks.

      1. MaxNeanderthal

        I count my greatest achievement in life was that I took my adopted daughters from the clutches of their foster parents, a pair of thick-as-pigshit christian weirdos, who pocketed over $50k in the two years they "looked after" my daughters, whilst spending nothing on them. My eldest had one small suitcase and a broken gameboy to show for her stay with them. Poxed, evil, rancid whore-bastards.

        1. PristinePantalones

          Congratulations on being a truly fine human being. It takes an incredible degree of loving-kindness to take on the care and raising of someone else's children. (Well, even one's own children — kids can be a royal pain in the ass, and there isn't a parent anywhere who hasn't occasionally wished they'd never had them).

          You're a fine, fine person for rescuing those children. May they reward you many times over in their loving-kindness for you.

  6. JackObin

    I knew years ago she was a loon when she said with a straight face she believed in god. No further proof is needed for anyone's insanity.

    1. PristinePantalones

      Not to nitpick, but I have some friends who say the same thing. And at least one of them is a fine, fine human being who dedicates whatever time she has left over from her busy professional life to Do Good Works. I can always tell what country I'll find her in by the disaster headlines in the news. East Timor? There. Palestine? There. Kampuchea? There.

      So while I'm a proud atheist, I can't possibly condemn anyone whose faith in the invisible sky-fairy makes them decent human beings. If that's what it takes, it's fine by me, it makes the world a better place.

      1. MaxNeanderthal

        Yes, but wouldn't it be nice for them to be nice without feeling their invisible friend is forcing them be a good person?
        All theists are basically immoral people- they need the threat of an eternity amongst the red-hot pitchforks to make them behave like civilised people…..

        1. PristinePantalones

          Yes, it would be. But life is what it is, and if the fear of god or the devil, or other such imaginary beings, is what makes good people good, I can't complain. I like the results, and won't inquire too deeply into the process.

          Besides, given that religion is not based on reason, you can't argue with the religious, or not successfully, anyway.

  7. bureaucrap

    "…rude, unprofessional, dishonest, and at times cruel. But more concerning was how abrasive, discourteous, and dismissive some within the national team were towards many New Hampshire citizens…"

    Clearly, this means that the Dick Cheney School of Political Management has spewed out the latest stellar crop of graduates who have gone on to make their names working for America's best and brightest.

    1. WriteyWriterton

      "…more concerning…"? These people are sub-literate, which is no surprise, because they're sub-informed. (Okay, it might not be a word, but at least I know that.)

      1. Generation[redacted]

        I am greatly concerted about your disconcern, but I fear sub-informative sub-literature may be the causality of it all.

  8. i_AM_ready

    Oh wait, there's more:

    "It saddens this team to see a dedicated patriot – a person so desperately needed in the White House – sequestered behind a wall of pretense, guarded by political operatives consumed by their own egos."

    If Michelle is so brilliant, so desperately needed in the White House, how did a few egotistical political operatives take control of her campaign away from her?

    1. SilverTsunami

      This seems familiar somehow. . . as if there were another female candidate for some high office, who was perfect in every way, but treated badly by snarky uncaring staff who just didn't understand how important she was. Who was that . . .?

    2. schvitzatura

      Bachmann National is like the SNL "Taco Time" taco of venal political campaigns, except the guacomolito is spiked with Iprazochrome and/or 2-Bromo-LSD…

  9. Indiepalin

    It's hard to have sympathy for these so-called staffers when you realize that they actually bought into every batshit idea this woman had up until they woke up Friday morning as if from a Hunter Thompson-esque drug induced stupor. Fuck them.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      I would have much more respect for them if they did way up from a Thompson-esque drug stupor. The letter would have been more interesting as well.

  10. SudsMcKenzie

    You know who Else wore faux white military outfits at Grand Meetings and had no sense of reality?

    1. PubOption

      I assume that the answer you are looking for is Everett Koop, although I think his pronouncements were sensible at least some of the time.

  11. philpjfry

    They worked for a nutjob and then quit when she acted like one. Yeah, what a surprise douchebags

  12. CapnFatback

    If this New Hampshire ordeal has taught us anything, it's that the Bachmann campaign failed to Live Free.

  13. Rotundo_

    The wheels on the bus go flying off, flying off, flying off
    The wheels on the bus go flying off, all around the wreck!

    1. Fox n Fiends

      you need to insert the word "train" before "wreck" to get the proper syllable count.

      (has a toddler at home)

  14. johnnymeatworth

    On the plus side, she just got the lead in the St. Cloud, MN, community theater production of The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial….

  15. CapnFatback

    BTW, Kirsten, if there's a Wonkette Weekly Alt-text Award (WWAA?), I nominate this post's alt-text.

    I mean, that text was alternative before alternative was mainstream, y'know?

  16. PuckStopsHere

    I think these people have made a huge career blunder here. Anybody who thinks Shelly's qualified to be Prez is qualified to work nowhere other than for her campaign. Who else would hire such dingbats?

  17. hagajim

    "rude, unprofessional, dishonest, and at times cruel. But more concerning was how abrasive, discourteous, and dismissive"

    Didn't anyone tell these people that Michelle doubles as a dominatrix? How else do you explain Marcus? She'll probably get her whips out for this.

    1. MonsterAGoGo

      Plus when she swallows a rat whole, Marc Singer will know she's not here for peaceful purposes.

  18. fartknocker

    What Team NH was really pissed about was listening to some gay bashing Iowa loon who graduated from Oral Roberts University and her messages about John Wayne the mass murderer while she's given Sheriff Joe Arpaio blow jobs for his endorsement.

    She's a fucked up and dangerous religious zealot.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Obsviously we need to cut funding for teechers to fulfill their shared dream we wish them well also.

      1. Guppy

        Kudos to our beloved editors, though, for doing their part to conserve our nation's dwindling supplies of periods.

      1. Negropolis

        My heavy-drinking aunt says she went to a bar one afternoon during school hours and saw one of her son's teacher. lol

  19. SayItWithWookies

    "She's not an evil, callous witch — she's a nice lady whose evil, callous staff is making her look bad." Slightly modified, it's the cry of every loyal serf in defense of a cruel tyrant since history began. So nobody can say they weren't warned.

    1. Negropolis

      Team Edward, here.* Team NH can suck it.

      *I've not actually read a Twilight book nor seen any of the movies.

  20. coolhandnuke

    Marge Gunderson: So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money. There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.

    1. spudgun

      qu'est-ce que c'est…

      (c'mon, someone had to say it!!! and I comment infrequently enough as it is!)

  21. el_donaldo

    Shorter NH Bachmann staffers: She's just a really horrible person, yo.

    Oddly enough, Bachmann's campaign in NH is making Cain's total lack of campaign presence in the state look like the savvier move.

  22. Limeylizzie

    That was such a fantastic run-on sentence , so free-flowing in its snarkiness,that I became aroused.

  23. pinkocommi

    "…and they have lots of dirt to share, after the jump!"

    I am relieved to find out that no animals were tortured. Because everytime I see those crazy eyes of Michelle's, I think, "Those are the eyes of a cat torturer."

  24. SilverTsunami

    Perhaps you jeoparidzed your personal and professional reputations in New Hampshire when you decided to work for this person to begin with.

  25. El Pinche

    Maybe she'll build an ark, fill it with her 1500 paired foster kids, and sail Lake Superior forever.

  26. DemonicRage

    What a piffle! I can feel the Joe-Mentum surging in this campaign. Full speed ahead Michele One "L." Everyone knows that whoever wins the Iowa Straw Poll is a shu-in.

  27. WhatTheHeck

    In the shuffling madness
    Of the locomotive breath,
    Runs the all-time loser,
    Headlong to her death

    She sees her staffers jumping off
    At the stations — one by one.
    Yet The train won't stop going —
    No way to slow down.

  28. mavenmaven

    Remember when it was good form for a teabagger candidate to be a quitter? Seems like so long ago, a more innocent time, *sigh*

  29. mormos

    man! i want to be a congressperson! i get to do jack all day and treat the people around me like shit. I can kick puppy dogs and spit on babies and deplete public pensions for personal gain and no one can do anything about it because i'll just rewrite the law so it's legal!

    oh wait, i'm not an irredeemable jackass.

  30. poorgradstudent

    I thought Michelle Bachmann's career should end any day now. Then I came across an article titled "Kim Kardashian to star in Tyler Perry" movie. If an abomination like that is possible, then it's possible Bachmann can be a two-term President.

    1. Negropolis

      Well, Tyler Perry movies are sappy abominations all by themselves, so sticking a random Kardashian into one can't do much additional damage.

  31. voodooeconomics

    I had a mental breakdown just trying to finish this:

    "that Michele Bachmann is a serial pill-snarfing nutcase Space Jesus freak married to a flaming closet case who together make hundreds of thousands of dollars off the government through creepy fake homo-curing clinic rackets ……."

  32. Antispandex

    All you really have to know is that they quit, because unfortunately if you quit your job in this country, at this time, it means your job and/or your boss really sucks!

  33. PristinePantalones

    I'll admit it — this is what I live for. Horror stories of the Bachmannutcase imploding before god and all the citizenry. This is what makes me sleep well at night.

    HAHAHAHA!!! Die, you horrible evil vermin, DIE!

  34. Barrelhse

    If the author of the press release had bothered to check the comments on Wonkette, he or she might have come up with adjectives that are much more descriptive than "rude, cruel, dishonest, abrasive", etc.

    1. poncho_pilot

      i don't know how to look up the facts.
      i'm tense and nervous till i take more Topomax.
      i can't sleep while the gays conspire.
      John Wayne Gacy was a real live wire.

  35. cmar6

    No one, except Team Obama media and its paid trolls, cares about this "inside baseball" stuff. It illustrates the puerility and irrelevancy of MSM political commentary, for which the average voter has nothing but well deserved contempt.

    1. imissopus

      My God, I had never seen how empty my life is until just this moment.

      Then I thought about how much more important it was to the public discourse to hear from some whiny douchebag in a Halloween pimp costume, and I felt much better.

  36. Callyson

    “It saddens this team to see a dedicated patriot — a person so desperately needed in the White House — sequestered behind a wall of pretense, guarded by political operatives consumed by their own egos,” the staffers wrote.
    Yes, I am also sad that President Obama is sequestered behind a wall of pretense, guarded by economic advisers consumed by their own bad idea. Thinking that coddling Wall Street will somehow lead to economic recovery.
    Oh, you folks were talking about someone else?

  37. DaRooster

    "…and they have lots of dirt to share, after the jump!"

    "After the jump"… like rats… I see what you did there.

  38. BTWBFDIMHO

    a dedicated patriot – a person so desperately needed in the White House-…

    If they believe that crap, then they deserve all the nastiness and the crudeness.

  39. ttommyunger

    "Bachmann’s Former NH Staffers Confirm She Is Totally Dysfunctional." Who knew? Who gives a fuck? Why am I asking you?

  40. PristinePantalones

    This article is yet another illustration of Obama's incredible achievement, in winning the 2008 elections. He managed a nearly billion-dollar budget and THOUSANDS of employees and volunteers seamlessly. These yahoos think it's so simple that any of them can do it, yet not a single one from 2008 to the present has managed anything at all like it. Every campaign runs into problems, financial, personal, personnel. Yet they denigrate Barack Hussein Obama for his achievements, although not one of them is able to duplicate them. He will win in a landslide no matter who runs against him, because he knows what work is, he knows how to set goals and milestones, and get things done.

  41. flamingpdog

    OT, but while Wonkette's own (?former) dominatrix seems to have abandoned us, she has announced that she will be co-hosting this year's Fleshbot awards. Movin' on up?
    NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!

  42. poncho_pilot

    well, the Republicans put a lot of clown shoes on the ground this time they've already suffered heavy casualties. mostly from friendly fire and misadventure. who's left in the clown car? the show must go on!

  43. Tundra Grifter

    This just goes to show this is amateur hour starring the GNoP.

    The national players have no time for the state-level team? This is news? Please. These jokers are obviously working on their first campaign.

    If they knew what they were doing, if they had any experience at all, they wouldn't be on the God-forsaken New Hampshire state level, now would they?

  44. CrankyLttlCamperette

    Her former team of New Hampshire staffers who all quit Friday put out a very crabby press release stating that they quit not for the glaringly obvious reasons that Michele Bachmann is a serial pill-snarfing nutcase Space Jesus freak married to a flaming closet case who together make hundreds of thousands of dollars off the government through creepy fake homo-curing clinic rackets and Michele’s shell career as a U.S. Representative who collects a fat public salary and benefits for doing sub-zero quantities of legislative work, BUT — instead — because her national campaign team treated them mean.

    I wish I remembered enough to diagram THAT sentence. I bet it would be a thing of beauty.

  45. Negropolis

    …stating that they quit not for the glaringly obvious reasons that Michele Bachmann is a serial pill-snarfing nutcase Space Jesus freak married to a flaming closet case who together make hundreds of thousands of dollars off the government through creepy fake homo-curing clinic rackets and Michele’s shell career as a U.S. Representative who collects a fat public salary and benefits for doing sub-zero quantities of legislative work, BUT…

    Sweet Jeebus Christo, that was a long run-on. BTW, you forgot to add the qualifier "allegedly." Also. lol

  46. StarsUponThars

    For God's sake, this is politics, not macrame class. Where do they get off believing they should be treated any better than any other indentured servant in this country? "Rude, unprofessional, dishonest, and at times cruel … abrasive, discourteous, and dismissive" pretty much describes every boss I've ever had.

  47. MrFizzy

    BTW that is an utterly frightening photo of Bachmann – combination of Nurse Ratchet and a Stepford Wife.

  48. smitallica

    "Team NH was never involved in the shifting strategy discussions."

    Yes, that's why this batshit Jesus Freak was losing. Not because she's insane and unqualified, but because of poor strategy.

  49. elviouslyqueer

    Ding ding ding ding ding!

    Bachmann had a paid staff of five people in New Hampshire: Campaign manager Jeff Chidester, along with Caroline Gilger, Tom Lukacz, Nicole Yurek, and Mattheau LeDuc. Gilger, who was the state’s southern field director, confirmed on Friday that she would be joining Gov. Rick Perry’s campaign.

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