WELL THERE'S A SURPRISE  5:03 pm October 24, 2011

Bachmann’s Former NH Staffers Confirm She Is Totally Dysfunctional

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

The dodo, pictured here shortly before extinction.More drama from the Michele Bachmann campaign! Her former team of New Hampshire staffers who all quit Friday put out a very crabby press release stating that they quit not for the glaringly obvious reasons that Michele Bachmann is a serial pill-snarfing nutcase Space Jesus freak married to a flaming closet case who together make hundreds of thousands of dollars off the government through creepy fake homo-curing clinic rackets and Michele’s shell career as a U.S. Representative who collects a fat public salary and benefits for doing sub-zero quantities of legislative work, BUT — instead — because her national campaign team treated them mean. Whatever works! Michele initially tried to claim in her usual reality-defying fashion that these staffers had not actually abandoned their jobs and it was all some kind of socialist media conspiracy, but No, Not This Time. They specifically want us to know they quit because they’re angry at her campaign, and they have lots of dirt to share, after the jump!

From the departed staffers’ angry press release, via National Journal:

The manner in which some in the national team conducted themselves towards Team-NH was rude, unprofessional, dishonest, and at times cruel.  But more concerning was how abrasive, discourteous, and dismissive some within the national team were towards many New Hampshire citizens. These are our neighbors and our friends, and some within the national team treated them more as a nuisance than as potential supporters.

Through all this chaos, Team-NH was never involved in the shifting strategy discussions. Team members were repeatedly ignored regarding simple requests, sometimes going weeks with little or no contact with the national team. Yet the members of Team-NH remained committed to Congressman Bachmann, often at peril to their own personal and professional reputations within New Hampshire.

Sad. We were kind of hoping for some “and God, why was Marcus delicately chanting erotic hymns from Canticles to the copy boy all the time” flavored dirt, but there’s always next time. [National Journal]

 
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{ 239 comments }

nounverb911 October 24, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Nothing new to see here, please move along.

Pragmatist2 October 24, 2011 at 5:06 pm

This presents a deep quandary.
Should I take the word of anyone stupid and venal enough to work for Bachmann when they say that Bachmann is stupid and venal?
Muddled in Minneapolis

dennis1943 October 24, 2011 at 5:39 pm

They have "seen the light"……………

MonsterAGoGo October 24, 2011 at 6:12 pm

But they don't blame her, she's a patriot this country desparately needs in the White House! Pff. White House. More like a room with soft white padded walls. In there she can talk to starbaby Jesus about what the queers are doing to the soil in De Moines Iowa to her heart's content. She's not like other people, here, in the trailer park.

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 7:16 pm

She's all about "personal enslavement," man. How does this stupid stupid CUNT, who spouts all this shit about submissiveness and obeying the husband, how does she DARE talk about being gay as personal enslavement? I'd love to kick her in the fork. Yeah, that fork.

Negropolis October 24, 2011 at 11:23 pm

"Starbaby" if a fuckin' winner-winner-chicken-dinner of a phrase.

Dashboard_Jesus October 24, 2011 at 11:43 pm

hey great minds and all (I srsly didn't see yer comment before posting)

Dashboard_Jesus October 24, 2011 at 11:42 pm

hah, 'starbaby Jesus'…I really like THAT guy, he is far out!

mormos October 24, 2011 at 6:49 pm

you can always trust a dishonest person to be dishonest…

glamourdammerung October 24, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Sometimes, they will throw you a curveball and be honest. Even if it is just to screw with you or in spite of themselves.

imissopus October 24, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Dear Muddled,

I recommend large amounts of codeine for the next fourteen months.

Pragmatist2 October 24, 2011 at 7:24 pm

You can wash that down with bourbon, can't you?

imissopus October 24, 2011 at 7:28 pm

That is the preferred method.

Crank_Tango October 24, 2011 at 7:41 pm

hmm…the liquor usually burns my nose tho–but I'll try!

flamingpdog October 24, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Cheap cherry brandy – tastes just like cough syrup with codeine, but with a much bigger punch.

AlterNewt October 24, 2011 at 5:07 pm

"…rude, unprofessional, dishonest, and at times cruel."

And your point is…?

Blueb4sunrise October 24, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Well, there's probably an implicit 'But not to US!!!'

I think it's a missing premise in the
'Paradox of the stupid and venal ' that Pragmatist2 mentions above.

Lascauxcaveman October 24, 2011 at 5:47 pm

"…rude, unprofessional, dishonest, and at times cruel."

And your point is…?

Seriously, these people act like they've never seen the inside of a sorority house.

AlterNewt October 24, 2011 at 6:11 pm

"Nice people doing nice things."

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Big babies.

elviouslyqueer October 24, 2011 at 5:59 pm

What is "Michele Bachmann on days ending in 'Y,'" Alex?

Tundra Grifter October 24, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Particularly when they were working for a short, nasty, brute.

MrFizzy October 25, 2011 at 11:28 am

Those are bullets on most Republican resumes.

WorkTheSaxofone October 24, 2011 at 5:09 pm

No doubt their personal and professional reputations will be A-OK now.

prommie October 24, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Tea Party nutball feud.

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 24, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Needs moar hot teabagger girl-on-girl action.

Oh, right, this is the Tea Party. Never mind!

CrunchyKnee October 24, 2011 at 5:23 pm

My goodness, that made me puke in my mouth a little bit – tea bagger lady #1 slides off her Hoveround seductively clutching her super sized bag of Cheetos, while tea bagger lady #2 oils up her FUPA…

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Oh, MAN, did you HAVE to share that? BBL — must go vomit my guts out now. Ew, the FUPA.

Dashboard_Jesus October 24, 2011 at 11:46 pm

my thought exactly, I just threw up in my mouth a bit…

FakaktaSouth October 24, 2011 at 5:32 pm

These people sound so literate – I can't tell, are they just hired guns like Ed Rollins who do this campaign work professionally for the highest bidder, or are these actual one time Bachmanniacs? I would think someone in New Hampshire who had fallen down this particular kind of Michele-hole would be crazier sounding than this.

Dashboard_Jesus October 24, 2011 at 11:50 pm

love it, *Michele-hole* is so many kinds of awesome…as in, "just how far down the Michele-hole are you willing to go, Alice? HENGH?!" (apparently not that far)

YouBetcha October 24, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Feud you say? My money is on the Crazy Eyes.

emmelemm October 24, 2011 at 6:53 pm

I really want to say: R*tard fight!

I'll be on the short bus to hell, if anyone needs me.

prommie October 25, 2011 at 9:34 am

First the faggots outlaw the "f" word, then the fucking retards steal the "r" word from us. This fucking faggoty political correctness is retarded.

Tundra Grifter October 24, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Prommie:

We're going to get to watch this GNoP Dodgeball game for the next twelve months or so – personally, I'm rather looking forward to it.

RadioOcupados October 24, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Space Jesus wants his moon rocks back.

NorthStarSpanx October 25, 2011 at 9:44 am

NASA will send a SWAT team to confiscate them.

Barb October 24, 2011 at 5:09 pm

She probably thought that Team-NH was just a bunch of foster children and ignored them because of that.

Terry October 24, 2011 at 5:28 pm

But cashed their checks licketty split. Just like with her foster kids.

Callyson October 24, 2011 at 8:15 pm

cashed their checks licketty split.
That about sums up Shelly's relationship to the US government as well.

AJWjr. October 24, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Thinking of Miche1e and split-licking at the same time is really kinda sick-making, please stop.

Generation[redacted] October 24, 2011 at 5:41 pm

I refuse to give up hope until her entire campaign is staffed exclusively by her foster children.

dizzeeboy October 24, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Of course, that would mean finding illegals to do the yardwork back home . . .

DaRooster October 24, 2011 at 7:38 pm

… and hooray… no child labor laws!!

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 24, 2011 at 5:10 pm

"Through all this chaos, Team-NH was never involved in the shifting strategy discussions." Uh, Team-NH does sound a bit whine-y.

I wonder if they'll talk about this tonight on that hot new CNN show, "Parker Spitzer." Seems like it would be right up their alley.

mrpuma2u October 24, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Well one guy was name LeDuc, which translates from the french as "whiny frog waterfowl wimp"

i_AM_ready October 24, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Gawd, such self-importance from a bunch of local hacks working for the hackiest candidate. Starting with referring to themselves in the third person:

"It is distressing that the motives of the members of Team-NH who are now departing the campaign are being questioned. Team-NH has always been dedicated to Congresswoman Bachmann. They've worked very hard over the past several months to ensure her success in NH. We wish her well and will continue to work toward our shared goal of making President Obama a one-term president."

Nice. Not "our shared goal of creating a better world," or even "our shared goal of electing Congresswoman Bachmann President." Their goal, their MISSION, is getting the black guy out of the White House. Fuck all of them and their petty squabbles.

WriteyWriterton October 24, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Yes – 'bags and 'baguettes, all of 'em.

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 7:52 pm

No insulting tasty breadlike products, doodine.

Generation[redacted] October 24, 2011 at 5:24 pm

It's their goal, their dedication, their hard work, but "we" wish her well. Some grammatical disassociation going on there.

OneYieldRegular October 24, 2011 at 6:09 pm

The bad faith of even the smallest, most petulant factions of the Republican Party – while it's nothing compared to that of their leaders – never ceases to amaze me.

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 7:53 pm

They all sound like petulant, whiny children filled with self-importance and unable to understand why the entire planet doesn't cater to their every whim.

Negropolis October 24, 2011 at 11:29 pm

I know, right?

There is no honor among theives, you naive little fuckers. Bachmann made it clear from Day 0 that she was going to park her narrow ass at Waterloo like a stubbron Iowa heifer on a local railroad track, come what may. Bachmann couldn't even win the office of local dog catcher in New Hampshire, let alone the GOP primary, there, so jokes on you and I couldn't care less.

GOPCrusher October 24, 2011 at 5:10 pm

I just wonder how long it's going to be before some of her former foster children come forward and tell us a terrifying tale of what it was like to live in the same house as Cruella DeVille Bachmann.
Probably make Joan Crawford look like Mother Teresa.

nounverb911 October 24, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Needs more wire hangers.

MonsterAGoGo October 24, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Going to hell for this, but "No wire hangers! Life begins at conception!"

DaRooster October 24, 2011 at 7:39 pm

No more wire (chad) hangers…

ManchuCandidate October 24, 2011 at 5:19 pm

It would be like Mary Poppins er, Michelle Pill Poppins

"A handful of valium makes the voices go down!"

Rotundo_ October 24, 2011 at 5:21 pm

In the most delightful way!

Generation[redacted] October 24, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Marcus steals the show with his song about being a "chimney sweep"

Neoyorquino October 24, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Well, happiness is a clean chute, or somethin' . . .

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 7:58 pm

With all the hot spunk enemas Marcus has probably taken, them's some CLEAN pipes he's got.

flamingpdog October 24, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Dick van Dyke Libel!!1!

Rotundo_ October 24, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Marcus in his best cockney "Oi'll sweep the gay royyyt outta yer!"

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 7:56 pm

I've been searching for information regarding the 23 bazillion fosterlings, but haven't found much so far. However, there IS documentation of one incident when she felt that someone working on a committe was insufficiently supportive of her. Apparently she went right up to the poor woman and screamed, over and over, in her face, "You WILL PAY for this! You WILL PAY!" until the poor woman dissolved into hysterics.

The kiddie stories will be pure gold, when they finally emerge. @KenLayne, I'm *begging* you — there's GOLD in them thar pillocks.

MaxNeanderthal October 25, 2011 at 11:42 am

I count my greatest achievement in life was that I took my adopted daughters from the clutches of their foster parents, a pair of thick-as-pigshit christian weirdos, who pocketed over $50k in the two years they "looked after" my daughters, whilst spending nothing on them. My eldest had one small suitcase and a broken gameboy to show for her stay with them. Poxed, evil, rancid whore-bastards.

PristinePantalones October 29, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Congratulations on being a truly fine human being. It takes an incredible degree of loving-kindness to take on the care and raising of someone else's children. (Well, even one's own children — kids can be a royal pain in the ass, and there isn't a parent anywhere who hasn't occasionally wished they'd never had them).

You're a fine, fine person for rescuing those children. May they reward you many times over in their loving-kindness for you.

JackObin October 24, 2011 at 5:10 pm

I knew years ago she was a loon when she said with a straight face she believed in god. No further proof is needed for anyone's insanity.

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Not to nitpick, but I have some friends who say the same thing. And at least one of them is a fine, fine human being who dedicates whatever time she has left over from her busy professional life to Do Good Works. I can always tell what country I'll find her in by the disaster headlines in the news. East Timor? There. Palestine? There. Kampuchea? There.

So while I'm a proud atheist, I can't possibly condemn anyone whose faith in the invisible sky-fairy makes them decent human beings. If that's what it takes, it's fine by me, it makes the world a better place.

MaxNeanderthal October 25, 2011 at 11:47 am

Yes, but wouldn't it be nice for them to be nice without feeling their invisible friend is forcing them be a good person?
All theists are basically immoral people- they need the threat of an eternity amongst the red-hot pitchforks to make them behave like civilised people…..

PristinePantalones October 29, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Yes, it would be. But life is what it is, and if the fear of god or the devil, or other such imaginary beings, is what makes good people good, I can't complain. I like the results, and won't inquire too deeply into the process.

Besides, given that religion is not based on reason, you can't argue with the religious, or not successfully, anyway.

Tommmcattt October 24, 2011 at 5:11 pm

It's like watching a bunch of cockroaches devour a rat.

emmelemm October 24, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Can't… look… away….

mrpuma2u October 24, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Stop watching Animal planet on shrooms, wouldja?

Gratuitous World October 24, 2011 at 5:11 pm

this is good news for john mccain, eh?

ManchuCandidate October 24, 2011 at 5:14 pm

No. He's getting flashbacks of crashing his Navy planes.

SudsMcKenzie October 24, 2011 at 5:19 pm

I don't think he's had "good news" since a solid bowel movement in Aug 2008.

LesBontemps October 24, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Why are you bringing up Sarah Palin again??

Generation[redacted] October 24, 2011 at 5:39 pm

And he had to suspend his campaign to pass it!

WriteyWriterton October 24, 2011 at 5:11 pm

It's time to take the meat thermometer out of her hide, because she's, y'know, done.

MonsterAGoGo October 24, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Her hide, her husband's ass, tomato, tomahto.

bureaucrap October 24, 2011 at 5:13 pm

"…rude, unprofessional, dishonest, and at times cruel. But more concerning was how abrasive, discourteous, and dismissive some within the national team were towards many New Hampshire citizens…"

Clearly, this means that the Dick Cheney School of Political Management has spewed out the latest stellar crop of graduates who have gone on to make their names working for America's best and brightest.

WriteyWriterton October 24, 2011 at 5:16 pm

"…more concerning…"? These people are sub-literate, which is no surprise, because they're sub-informed. (Okay, it might not be a word, but at least I know that.)

Generation[redacted] October 24, 2011 at 7:43 pm

I am greatly concerted about your disconcern, but I fear sub-informative sub-literature may be the causality of it all.

ManchuCandidate October 24, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Candidate Dearest: No more NH hangers (on.)

OC_Surf_Serf_#OLA October 24, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Somehow, our Ninja Barry won't get the credit for this either…

NellCote71 October 24, 2011 at 6:33 pm

But you can bet he will be blamed.

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 8:03 pm

From me, he will. I think he's done great things to, and for, Pox Ooze. Watching them fall apart, babbling hysterically, has become a high point of my life.

SorosBot October 24, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Working for an untreated schizophrenic does not normally lead to a good work environment.

jjdaddyo October 24, 2011 at 5:18 pm

.especially if they are doing Imitrex/ LSD speedballs at the same time.

emmelemm October 24, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Where can I get my hands on a few of those? (Just asking for a friend….)

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Uh-huh, sure. Lemme know if you find out.

Negropolis October 24, 2011 at 11:38 pm

I know a doctor that knows a pharmacist that knows another pharmacist…

MozakiBlocks October 24, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Schizophrenic might be too mild a diagnosis for what Michele with one L gots.

dennis1943 October 25, 2011 at 10:52 am

She's been given the stamp of approval by her "therapist" "husband"—its all good……

i_AM_ready October 24, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Oh wait, there's more:

"It saddens this team to see a dedicated patriot – a person so desperately needed in the White House – sequestered behind a wall of pretense, guarded by political operatives consumed by their own egos."

If Michelle is so brilliant, so desperately needed in the White House, how did a few egotistical political operatives take control of her campaign away from her?

SilverTsunami October 24, 2011 at 5:52 pm

This seems familiar somehow. . . as if there were another female candidate for some high office, who was perfect in every way, but treated badly by snarky uncaring staff who just didn't understand how important she was. Who was that . . .?

Nostrildamus October 24, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Either Joan or Arc or Lizzie Borden. Or perhaps some combination of the two…

Crank_Tango October 24, 2011 at 7:51 pm

hitler?

schvitzatura October 25, 2011 at 2:55 am

Bachmann National is like the SNL "Taco Time" taco of venal political campaigns, except the guacomolito is spiked with Iprazochrome and/or 2-Bromo-LSD…

Indiepalin October 24, 2011 at 5:17 pm

It's hard to have sympathy for these so-called staffers when you realize that they actually bought into every batshit idea this woman had up until they woke up Friday morning as if from a Hunter Thompson-esque drug induced stupor. Fuck them.

emmelemm October 24, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Needs more rum.

Generation[redacted] October 24, 2011 at 5:28 pm

I would have much more respect for them if they did way up from a Thompson-esque drug stupor. The letter would have been more interesting as well.

valgal2342 October 24, 2011 at 6:12 pm

I miss Hunter.

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 8:19 pm

You know he would've had a fine time excoriating these worthless fucks.

MonsterAGoGo October 24, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Ohhhh god. Djoo eat all this acid?

THAT'S RIGHT! SHARIA! QUEERS!

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 8:19 pm

No, thanks, YOU fuck 'em. Yeesh, they probably ALL have a terminal case of CrazyEyezSyndrome.

SudsMcKenzie October 24, 2011 at 5:17 pm

You know who Else wore faux white military outfits at Grand Meetings and had no sense of reality?

ManchuCandidate October 24, 2011 at 5:22 pm

L. Ron Hubbard!

Barb October 24, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Michael Jackson and oh, Latoya.

JustPixelz October 24, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Saying the same person twice doesn't count double.

SudsMcKenzie October 24, 2011 at 6:17 pm

I would have accepted Hermann Goering, … but Latoya Jackson works.

HarryButtle October 24, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Captain Queeg?

Generation[redacted] October 24, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Rufus T Firefly?

SayItWithWookies October 24, 2011 at 5:30 pm

"Colonel" Harlan Sanders?

WriteyWriterton October 24, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Muammar "Spell my name however you want!" Gaddafi?

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Dammit, Writey!

Nothingisamiss October 24, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Quaddafi?

ifthethunderdontgetya October 24, 2011 at 6:08 pm

The Ohio State University Marching Band?
~

valgal2342 October 24, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Walnuts McCain?

MonsterAGoGo October 24, 2011 at 6:21 pm

The guy from the Heaven's Gate cult?

BadassKitty October 24, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Elvis? Lady Gaga? Elton John?

PubOption October 24, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Idi Amin

PubOption October 24, 2011 at 7:54 pm

I assume that the answer you are looking for is Everett Koop, although I think his pronouncements were sensible at least some of the time.

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Col. Gadafi?

What? Too soon?

trampndirtdown October 24, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Carrie Nation?

mannacler October 24, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Fulgencia Batista.

Negropolis October 24, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Charles de Gaulle?

schvitzatura October 25, 2011 at 3:59 am

Goering?

philpjfry October 24, 2011 at 5:18 pm

They worked for a nutjob and then quit when she acted like one. Yeah, what a surprise douchebags

CapnFatback October 24, 2011 at 5:21 pm

If this New Hampshire ordeal has taught us anything, it's that the Bachmann campaign failed to Live Free.

ManchuCandidate October 24, 2011 at 5:22 pm

But it died hard.

CapnFatback October 24, 2011 at 5:23 pm

*wink*

Rotundo_ October 24, 2011 at 5:24 pm

The wheels on the bus go flying off, flying off, flying off
The wheels on the bus go flying off, all around the wreck!

Fox n Fiends October 24, 2011 at 6:11 pm

you need to insert the word "train" before "wreck" to get the proper syllable count.

(has a toddler at home)

DerrickWildcat October 24, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Don't need those ingrates anyway. There are plenty of people on Craig's List that would do it for nearly free.

Nothingisamiss October 24, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Oh, Marcus already knows this.

MonsterAGoGo October 24, 2011 at 6:22 pm

You misspelled "FreeRepublic" as "Craigslist".

johnnymeatworth October 24, 2011 at 5:25 pm

On the plus side, she just got the lead in the St. Cloud, MN, community theater production of The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial….

Nostrildamus October 24, 2011 at 7:28 pm

The role of breadfruit plant isn't a lead.

CapnFatback October 24, 2011 at 5:26 pm

BTW, Kirsten, if there's a Wonkette Weekly Alt-text Award (WWAA?), I nominate this post's alt-text.

I mean, that text was alternative before alternative was mainstream, y'know?

widestanceshakedown October 24, 2011 at 5:32 pm

I vote post sentence #2 Best Carry On Without A Comma award. Nice.

PuckStopsHere October 24, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I think these people have made a huge career blunder here. Anybody who thinks Shelly's qualified to be Prez is qualified to work nowhere other than for her campaign. Who else would hire such dingbats?

ManchuCandidate October 24, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Koch?

CapnFatback October 24, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Oh, I got this: Hitler!

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Ah b'leev (P)Rick DinglePerry has already hired a few of them.

hagajim October 24, 2011 at 5:26 pm

"rude, unprofessional, dishonest, and at times cruel. But more concerning was how abrasive, discourteous, and dismissive"

Didn't anyone tell these people that Michelle doubles as a dominatrix? How else do you explain Marcus? She'll probably get her whips out for this.

johnnyzhivago October 24, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Re: Michelle's eyes – these female lizzard suits JUST DON'T look convincing in the eye area!!!!

MonsterAGoGo October 24, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Plus when she swallows a rat whole, Marc Singer will know she's not here for peaceful purposes.

fartknocker October 24, 2011 at 5:28 pm

What Team NH was really pissed about was listening to some gay bashing Iowa loon who graduated from Oral Roberts University and her messages about John Wayne the mass murderer while she's given Sheriff Joe Arpaio blow jobs for his endorsement.

She's a fucked up and dangerous religious zealot.

Guppy October 24, 2011 at 5:29 pm

That second sentence makes high school English teachers drink/cry/into their beer.

Generation[redacted] October 24, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Obsviously we need to cut funding for teechers to fulfill their shared dream we wish them well also.

Guppy October 24, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Kudos to our beloved editors, though, for doing their part to conserve our nation's dwindling supplies of periods.

WriteyWriterton October 24, 2011 at 5:40 pm

What with the country being post-menopausal, also, too.

Chillwaver October 24, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Well, there is a reason why they ended up working for Shelly.

trampndirtdown October 24, 2011 at 9:11 pm

I thought that was just what high school English teachers did, I never knew there was cause and effect

Negropolis October 24, 2011 at 11:44 pm

My heavy-drinking aunt says she went to a bar one afternoon during school hours and saw one of her son's teacher. lol

smashedinhat October 24, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Gravity bites.

owhatever October 24, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Why does Kortney hate pumpkins?

CapnFatback October 24, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Happy Swalloween!

SudsMcKenzie October 24, 2011 at 6:03 pm

I'll have to pray on this.

SayItWithWookies October 24, 2011 at 5:32 pm

"She's not an evil, callous witch — she's a nice lady whose evil, callous staff is making her look bad." Slightly modified, it's the cry of every loyal serf in defense of a cruel tyrant since history began. So nobody can say they weren't warned.

Mumbletypeg October 24, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Don't take it too hard, Miche1e. Somewhere out there is a mouth-breathin' llama who still loves you.

PuckStopsHere October 24, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Not to mention a corndog who feels the same.

Chillwaver October 24, 2011 at 5:36 pm

What? I thought "Team NH" was actually "Team Mittens" all along. These damn Twilight fans can't seem to make up their minds…

Negropolis October 24, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Team Edward, here.* Team NH can suck it.

*I've not actually read a Twilight book nor seen any of the movies.

AlterNewt October 24, 2011 at 5:37 pm

It takes quite a bit longer to weed out the Not-a-chancers these days.

coolhandnuke October 24, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Marge Gunderson: So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money. There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.

Indiepalin October 24, 2011 at 5:58 pm

That's right, I'll fax it right on over to ya

chascates October 24, 2011 at 5:39 pm
spudgun October 24, 2011 at 5:48 pm

qu'est-ce que c'est…

(c'mon, someone had to say it!!! and I comment infrequently enough as it is!)

Come here a minute October 24, 2011 at 8:07 pm

fa-fa-fa fa fa fa-fa fa fa

el_donaldo October 24, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Shorter NH Bachmann staffers: She's just a really horrible person, yo.

Oddly enough, Bachmann's campaign in NH is making Cain's total lack of campaign presence in the state look like the savvier move.

An_Outhouse October 24, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Don't you hate it when the little people whine and carry on?

Limeylizzie October 24, 2011 at 5:44 pm

That was such a fantastic run-on sentence , so free-flowing in its snarkiness,that I became aroused.

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Hmmm. Clearly, I must rethink my approach.

prommie October 25, 2011 at 9:36 am

Umm, creamy!

pinkocommi October 24, 2011 at 5:48 pm

"…and they have lots of dirt to share, after the jump!"

I am relieved to find out that no animals were tortured. Because everytime I see those crazy eyes of Michelle's, I think, "Those are the eyes of a cat torturer."

SilverTsunami October 24, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Perhaps you jeoparidzed your personal and professional reputations in New Hampshire when you decided to work for this person to begin with.

El Pinche October 24, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Maybe she'll build an ark, fill it with her 1500 paired foster kids, and sail Lake Superior forever.

Pragmatist2 October 24, 2011 at 7:51 pm

May "the gales of November come early."

schvitzatura October 25, 2011 at 4:04 am

Gichigami or Gitche Gumee (H. W. Longfellow bastardization), FTW!

DemonicRage October 24, 2011 at 5:57 pm

What a piffle! I can feel the Joe-Mentum surging in this campaign. Full speed ahead Michele One "L." Everyone knows that whoever wins the Iowa Straw Poll is a shu-in.

elviouslyqueer October 24, 2011 at 6:07 pm

I will not, repeat NOT, be impressed with this petty infighting until at least somebody loses a weave.

flamingpdog October 24, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Needz more swimming pool.

Indiepalin October 24, 2011 at 6:09 pm

I just googled "Michele Bachmann – Knapp Animal Learning Center"

Fox n Fiends October 24, 2011 at 6:13 pm

These people were clearly home-schooled and forbidden to play sports.

WhatTheHeck October 24, 2011 at 6:21 pm

In the shuffling madness
Of the locomotive breath,
Runs the all-time loser,
Headlong to her death

She sees her staffers jumping off
At the stations — one by one.
Yet The train won't stop going —
No way to slow down.

archikvetch October 24, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Well they can kiss their Inaugural Ball invitations ciao-ciao.

mavenmaven October 24, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Remember when it was good form for a teabagger candidate to be a quitter? Seems like so long ago, a more innocent time, *sigh*

weejee October 24, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Likely, there is not enough Thorazine in all North America to calm She1ey's demons.

mormos October 24, 2011 at 7:00 pm

man! i want to be a congressperson! i get to do jack all day and treat the people around me like shit. I can kick puppy dogs and spit on babies and deplete public pensions for personal gain and no one can do anything about it because i'll just rewrite the law so it's legal!

oh wait, i'm not an irredeemable jackass.

poorgradstudent October 24, 2011 at 7:00 pm

I thought Michelle Bachmann's career should end any day now. Then I came across an article titled "Kim Kardashian to star in Tyler Perry" movie. If an abomination like that is possible, then it's possible Bachmann can be a two-term President.

Negropolis October 24, 2011 at 11:54 pm

Well, Tyler Perry movies are sappy abominations all by themselves, so sticking a random Kardashian into one can't do much additional damage.

Papa_Uniform October 24, 2011 at 7:02 pm

God I love it when Teatards stomp on each others asses.

voodooeconomics October 24, 2011 at 7:03 pm

I had a mental breakdown just trying to finish this:

"that Michele Bachmann is a serial pill-snarfing nutcase Space Jesus freak married to a flaming closet case who together make hundreds of thousands of dollars off the government through creepy fake homo-curing clinic rackets ……."

Antispandex October 24, 2011 at 7:05 pm

All you really have to know is that they quit, because unfortunately if you quit your job in this country, at this time, it means your job and/or your boss really sucks!

Come here a minute October 24, 2011 at 8:08 pm

And/or you're not getting paid!

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 7:13 pm

I'll admit it — this is what I live for. Horror stories of the Bachmannutcase imploding before god and all the citizenry. This is what makes me sleep well at night.

HAHAHAHA!!! Die, you horrible evil vermin, DIE!

mrbubb October 24, 2011 at 7:19 pm

I'm pretty sure you used a run-on sentence there.

Barrelhse October 24, 2011 at 7:25 pm

If the author of the press release had bothered to check the comments on Wonkette, he or she might have come up with adjectives that are much more descriptive than "rude, cruel, dishonest, abrasive", etc.

BaldarTFlagass October 24, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Psycho shriller
Qu'est-ce que c'est
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poncho_pilot October 24, 2011 at 8:17 pm

i don't know how to look up the facts.
i'm tense and nervous till i take more Topomax.
i can't sleep while the gays conspire.
John Wayne Gacy was a real live wire.

cmar6 October 24, 2011 at 7:29 pm

No one, except Team Obama media and its paid trolls, cares about this "inside baseball" stuff. It illustrates the puerility and irrelevancy of MSM political commentary, for which the average voter has nothing but well deserved contempt.

BaldarTFlagass October 24, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Sure ya don't mean LSM there, Sparky?

glamourdammerung October 24, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Nobody cares, and yet you come over here from Big Failure just to cry and whine.

Generation[redacted] October 24, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Aw, you has a sad.

El Pinche October 24, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Also ACORN and Rev. Wright. *BURP*

imissopus October 24, 2011 at 8:03 pm

My God, I had never seen how empty my life is until just this moment.

Then I thought about how much more important it was to the public discourse to hear from some whiny douchebag in a Halloween pimp costume, and I felt much better.

Come here a minute October 24, 2011 at 8:10 pm

No, I think there are a lot of people who like to laugh at Michele Bachmann.

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Stop that sperm-burping NOW.

MozakiBlocks October 24, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Well Michele and her supporters would know from puerile…

Naked_Bunny October 24, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Y'know, when the best thing you can say about a candidate is "she never shows up at work"….

imissopus October 24, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Gonna be a long cold winter in New Hampshire without the passion of working on Michele's campaign to warm them.

krazyvladimir October 24, 2011 at 7:32 pm

This is all Barry's fault !

Callyson October 24, 2011 at 7:34 pm

“It saddens this team to see a dedicated patriot — a person so desperately needed in the White House — sequestered behind a wall of pretense, guarded by political operatives consumed by their own egos,” the staffers wrote.
Yes, I am also sad that President Obama is sequestered behind a wall of pretense, guarded by economic advisers consumed by their own bad idea. Thinking that coddling Wall Street will somehow lead to economic recovery.
Oh, you folks were talking about someone else?

DaRooster October 24, 2011 at 7:35 pm

"…serial pill-snarfing nutcase Space Jesus freak…"

Whadidjewcallme?

PuglyDoRight October 24, 2011 at 7:39 pm

She puts the fun in dysfunctional.

DaRooster October 24, 2011 at 7:41 pm

"…and they have lots of dirt to share, after the jump!"

"After the jump"… like rats… I see what you did there.

BTWBFDIMHO October 24, 2011 at 7:43 pm

a dedicated patriot – a person so desperately needed in the White House-…

If they believe that crap, then they deserve all the nastiness and the crudeness.

bflrtsplk October 24, 2011 at 7:47 pm

They expected the Bachmanns to be nice to them? Those darn Republicans.

ttommyunger October 24, 2011 at 8:14 pm

"Bachmann’s Former NH Staffers Confirm She Is Totally Dysfunctional." Who knew? Who gives a fuck? Why am I asking you?

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 8:35 pm

All good questions! Howzabout some answers, then?

ttommyunger October 24, 2011 at 8:53 pm

I am in question mode tonight, sorry.

flamingpdog October 24, 2011 at 8:23 pm

The surly bird gets the worm.

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Goddammit, ain't I surly ENUF?

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 8:42 pm

This article is yet another illustration of Obama's incredible achievement, in winning the 2008 elections. He managed a nearly billion-dollar budget and THOUSANDS of employees and volunteers seamlessly. These yahoos think it's so simple that any of them can do it, yet not a single one from 2008 to the present has managed anything at all like it. Every campaign runs into problems, financial, personal, personnel. Yet they denigrate Barack Hussein Obama for his achievements, although not one of them is able to duplicate them. He will win in a landslide no matter who runs against him, because he knows what work is, he knows how to set goals and milestones, and get things done.

flamingpdog October 24, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Hopefully he knows how to steal elections (back), too.

PristinePantalones October 24, 2011 at 9:50 pm

I sure fucking hope so, dood, because if I have to put up with President Perry or Romney, I am SO fucking moving to Bali.

flamingpdog October 24, 2011 at 8:50 pm

OT, but while Wonkette's own (?former) dominatrix seems to have abandoned us, she has announced that she will be co-hosting this year's Fleshbot awards. Movin' on up?
NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!

poncho_pilot October 24, 2011 at 8:52 pm

well, the Republicans put a lot of clown shoes on the ground this time they've already suffered heavy casualties. mostly from friendly fire and misadventure. who's left in the clown car? the show must go on!

Tundra Grifter October 24, 2011 at 9:10 pm

This just goes to show this is amateur hour starring the GNoP.

The national players have no time for the state-level team? This is news? Please. These jokers are obviously working on their first campaign.

If they knew what they were doing, if they had any experience at all, they wouldn't be on the God-forsaken New Hampshire state level, now would they?

CrankyLttlCamperette October 24, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Her former team of New Hampshire staffers who all quit Friday put out a very crabby press release stating that they quit not for the glaringly obvious reasons that Michele Bachmann is a serial pill-snarfing nutcase Space Jesus freak married to a flaming closet case who together make hundreds of thousands of dollars off the government through creepy fake homo-curing clinic rackets and Michele’s shell career as a U.S. Representative who collects a fat public salary and benefits for doing sub-zero quantities of legislative work, BUT — instead — because her national campaign team treated them mean.

I wish I remembered enough to diagram THAT sentence. I bet it would be a thing of beauty.

Negropolis October 24, 2011 at 11:21 pm

…stating that they quit not for the glaringly obvious reasons that Michele Bachmann is a serial pill-snarfing nutcase Space Jesus freak married to a flaming closet case who together make hundreds of thousands of dollars off the government through creepy fake homo-curing clinic rackets and Michele’s shell career as a U.S. Representative who collects a fat public salary and benefits for doing sub-zero quantities of legislative work, BUT…

Sweet Jeebus Christo, that was a long run-on. BTW, you forgot to add the qualifier "allegedly." Also. lol

LiveToServeYa October 25, 2011 at 8:25 am

I expect she'll finally quit and take a missionary position somewhere.

StarsUponThars October 25, 2011 at 10:35 am

For God's sake, this is politics, not macrame class. Where do they get off believing they should be treated any better than any other indentured servant in this country? "Rude, unprofessional, dishonest, and at times cruel … abrasive, discourteous, and dismissive" pretty much describes every boss I've ever had.

MrFizzy October 25, 2011 at 11:30 am

BTW that is an utterly frightening photo of Bachmann – combination of Nurse Ratchet and a Stepford Wife.

smitallica October 25, 2011 at 11:59 am

"Team NH was never involved in the shifting strategy discussions."

Yes, that's why this batshit Jesus Freak was losing. Not because she's insane and unqualified, but because of poor strategy.

elviouslyqueer October 24, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Ding ding ding ding ding!

Bachmann had a paid staff of five people in New Hampshire: Campaign manager Jeff Chidester, along with Caroline Gilger, Tom Lukacz, Nicole Yurek, and Mattheau LeDuc. Gilger, who was the state’s southern field director, confirmed on Friday that she would be joining Gov. Rick Perry’s campaign.

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