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Michele Bachmann’s New Hampshire Staff All Fleeing Like Hell

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This means Jesus loves me even more, right?!?! RIGHT???Epic head case Michele Bachmann’s entire New Hampshire staff has resigned en masse because she refuses to focus on the state, although reports saying that Rick Perry’s campaign is already busy pilfering some of them indicate this is mostly due to her being a blathering loser. She is such a loser, in fact, that the roaming liberal hippie mobs of San Francisco did not even bother to wander over and chant some godless queerness at her when she visited the city on Thursday, even for old times’ sake, for fear of catching a boredom-induced coma. 

The San Francisco Chronicle gleefully reports:

Critics say the lack of any protest at Bachmann’s Commonwealth Club appearance Thursday is a sign of the fading relevance of her campaign. The winner of the Iowa Straw Poll has just 4.8 percent support in the latest average of major polls by RealClearPolitics.com – sixth among the eight GOP presidential candidates. Former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman Cain is the front-runner with 26 percent.

“Maybe people are waiting for Herman Cain to come to town,” said Tenoch Flores, a spokesman for the California Democratic Party.

Or maybe they are waiting for the dry cleaning to be finished, or for some grass to grow, or for the warranty on their blenders to expire. All are more fun than waiting for Michele Bachmann. [CNN/SFGate]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    Michele who?

  • baconzgood

    NEEDS MOAR FREE RANDY TRAVIS!!!!

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      By now, I don't think Shelly could even afford a Hank Williams Jr impersonator.

      • poncho_pilot

        you might be able to get the real Hank Williams Jr. for less than an impersonator.

    • HedonismBot

      I didn't even know he was in jail.

      • baconzgood

        I shit you not, when I heard about the Free Randy Travis concert she had I thought the same thing.

        • jus_wonderin

          But ya know, Marcus was rooting for free Willie.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

            He *always* is, dear.

  • Schmannnity

    Minnesotan Go Home!

  • RedneckMuslin

    Maybe the term "winner of the Iowa Straw Poll " has no relevance.

    • undeterredbyreality

      I initially read this as "whiner of the Iowa Straw Poll" and thought: how appropriate.

    • Geminisunmars

      Why…why that just cannot be!

    • Fare la Volpe

      Only two people in history have won the Iowa straw poll and gone on to be President:

      Jimmy Carter
      George W. Bush

      …Remind me again why we give this thing legitimacy.

      • GOPCrusher

        And at the time, George W. Bush was not an officially announced candidate.

        • horsedreamer_1

          I remember when W. was touted for '96, after just two years as governor. Didn't end up happening. Would have been too obvious of the Bushes's designs on being the Assads or Kims of the U.S.

          • LetUsBray

            It's a shame he didn't go for it then; Mr. Bill would have crushed him like a bug, and that would have been that.

    • Crank_Tango

      please, have some respect for the institution.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        The one in which Michele will soon be confined, or what?

    • kissawookiee

      Next thing we know, you'll be claiming that "most likely to succeed" in a high school yearbook has no relevance either.

      • GOPCrusher

        I'm still trying to live down that third grade gum chewing incident that ended up on my permanent record.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    those eyes, those eyes …

    • Geminisunmars

      We'll miss those eyes of hers. Let's hope for a long time.

  • poncho_pilot

    Marcus, however, was welcomed with open arms.

    • OzoneTom

      Among other things.

      • OneDollarJuana

        See previous post on NJ GOP mayor.

        • Flat_Earther

          Marcus caught the next flight to NJ.

    • Guppy06

      Welcomed like Family!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      "Honey, I'm moving the practice here! There is SO much we can accomplish!!"

    • MissTaken

      Wow, and he made the Earth shake twice! That's what some pent up frustration will do to you.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

      Legs.

  • yyyaz

    Teatard loser is a teatard loser.

  • nounverb911

    Maybe now she'll go back to her day job, when was the last time she was in DC?

    • poncho_pilot

      like over six months ago? i know people who have been fired for missing a day of work. what a sweet gig, this Congress thing.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        If ALEC and MallWart have their way, we'll be seeing lots more "fired for missing a day of work."

    • Callyson

      Or, perhaps we're better off with her on the campaign trail. Do we *want* her to do some work in DC?

      • baconzgood

        She's a tea bagger. They don't work they just bitch about people getting government money and free health care for doing nothing.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          A two-year-old at the peak of her "no! no! no!" phase could do a teabag legislator's job.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        In her six years in the House, she has NEVER managed to pass a bill. Relax. She can work all she wants, she's not effective.

    • Guppy06

      Her day job is cashing gubmint checks, no matter where she is.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      She has one?………..

    • kissawookiee

      When Gabby Giffords has made more votes in the past ten months than you have, well, might be a wee hint that you have something of an attendance problem, and far fewer excuses.

      • yyyaz

        Batshit > personal respons….f**k it. We're just dynamiting fish in a bowl here.

    • GOPCrusher

      Didn't she show up long enough to vote "No" on the debt limit bill?

    • user-of-owls

      when was the last time she was in DC?

      "When da lass time she was in D runnin'?"
      –Herman Cain

    • Isyaignert

      Well, at the debate she said, "I'm a federal tax attorney…" forgetting that she's a member of Congress. Probably wishful thinking on everyone's part. WTF is wrong with people in her district? Don't they know what a fukkin' batshit crazy idiot she is?

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Now I understand why we had 2 earthquakes yesterday.

    • nounverb911

      Those weren't earthquakes, they were just Marcuss…. oh gross!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

      I feel the earth move under my feet

      Oh god I hate that song and now it's an earworm!

      • ProgressiveInga

        Don't Worry, Be Happy.♫

        You're welcome.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

          Wow. That was breathtakingly cruel. Thank you. I now have someone to emulate as I set the bar ever higher.

          • LetUsBray

            Yesterday was Friday. Friday. Got to get down on Friday.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PristinePantalones

            Is that that little girl's song, whatever her name is? I never did hear it, so nyah-nyah, your earworming didn't work. ;-P

  • chascates

    When the fall leaves turn color and drop so do the staff on a loser's campaign.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Almost a haiku.

      • nounverb911

        Gesundheit.

        • proudgrampa

          I saw what you did there.

    • Geminisunmars

      This is why I come to Wonkette, for the sheer poetry of it all.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And she didn't notice them turning all yellow and orange and red? Oh right, the eyes … never mind.

  • CapnFatback

    Jumping from the Bachmann to the Perry campaign?

    Isn't that like jumping out of the Hindenberg to land upon the tranquil, safe main deck of the Titanic?

    • not that Dewey

      I was just thinking that reports saying that Rick Perry’s campaign is already busy pilfering some of them indicate this is mostly due to her being a blathering loser implies that Rick Perry is NOT a blathering loser, and I got confused.

      • poncho_pilot

        i think he's a blustery loser. but you can get a side of blathering for 99 cents.

        • not that Dewey

          I'll take a side of tomato/tomahto.

          • DahBoner

            And some Tater/Tatertot

      • MaxNeanderthal

        Although "all elephants are four legged animals, not all four legged animals etc. etc." Though in this case as all republicans are cunts, therefore all cunts are republicans…..

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

          I beg to differ. I know some wonderful, sweet, furry pussies, and they are decidedly not republican. Mmm … hot, buttered cunt.

    • emmelemm

      Awesome. You win my personal "best comment of Friday" medal.

      • CapnFatback

        I am humbled. I will put it next to my "Best Potato Skin Comment at T.G.I. Friday's" medal on my mantel.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Jumping from the Emptyhead campaign to the Niggerhead campaign

    • OneDollarJuana

      Jumping from the closeted gay husband campaign to the closeted gay campaign. allegedly ; )

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

      Yes, but can you imagine a more deserving clot of clods?

  • chicken_thief

    Sometimes the Republican conviction to stick to the Party line en masse is a beauty to behold. Not often, mind you, but sometimes….

    • Banelm

      And this isn't even the best part yet. Just wait until the Tea Party line runs up against the full electorate in the general election. Confusion and delight await us all.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Bachmanalia (celebrating the god of Mother's Little Helpers) is over.

  • smashedinhat

    Well, back to baby farming!

    • justkillmenow

      When will one of those 48 kids start dishing about life in that house?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Michele, not unlike the common farm pig, devours her young before they leave the sty.

        Her voices told her that it if she eats the heart she can gain their courage…

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

          Didn't work too good with those lesbian nuns in the bathroom, did it?

      • Jukesgrrl

        I don't think any of them were there long enough to remember her. They probably just remember "that lady who was taking checks to the bank all the time."

    • Negropolis

      Well, it is harvest time, after all.

  • memzilla

    So now she'll be in full Grift-O-Matic mode, with another book coming out?

    No, wait, I've got it: a Wasilla-like appeal for dollars, to show that Teabag Nation really really really wants her to run?

    No, no, I've got it: an appeal for dollars to mount a lobbying effort for a Constitutional amendment prohibiting teh gheyness!

    It'll be the Pray Away The Gay Amendment: "because the only ones who should be legally f***ing you in the a** is the top 1%!"

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Next stop: Disneyworld!

    • MadBrahms

      Shorter Max Weber: The government is defined by a monopoly on force forcing its way into your rectum.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        Has Marcus been explaining Weber to you?

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    OT and somewhat whiny perhaps, but I'm having a hard time finding anything funny today, what with the Senate filibusters last night and all…

    • Geminisunmars

      What's not to like about that? I'm laughing…and laughing…and…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That explains the tears, eh?

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Waiting For Bachmann isn't bad, although it lacks the sheer manic energy of This Is Hermän Cäin

    • Guppy06

      The umlauts suddenly bring the entire Cain campaign into perspective!

    • HarryButtle

      They're all trying to be Best in Show…

    • horsedreamer_1

      11.11.11 NIGEL TUFNEL DAY NEVER FORGET.

  • Goonemeritus

    God I miss her, today’s GOP contenders seem two dimensional compared to Michele. She was full throated, barking mad, old school crazy just the way I like-em.

    • baconzgood

      You wanna have Ex-Mrs. Zgood #?

      • jus_wonderin

        Take my Ex-Wife. Please.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

          I'm still in love with mine.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        That bad, huh? It's been a while since I've been around Teh Kraykray of the barking flavour.

    • prommie

      People think I am snarkin when I say this, but you just know she would be fucking awesome in the sack. Scary, exhilirating, something you feel glad to have survived, like jumping out of an airplane.

      • DashboardBuddha

        sort of like a ferret with aspergers syndrome a cocaine addiction, but with more curves.

        • prommie

          You nailed it there.

      • FNMA

        I know what your talking about. You feel lucky to get out of it with a broken ankle and all of your clothes burning in the driveway.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          You're talking about the ones where, afterwards, you realize that dozing off might not be a good idea? Those are rare. (If they're not, you're probably doing something wrong … or hanging out in the wrong bar.)

      • YouBetcha

        Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed. I would hit that. I wonder if she's ever been with a woman before.

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          She deserves to be hit with something.

          • jus_wonderin

            And that something needs 4 wheels.

          • Bonzos_Bed_Time

            Perhaps 18.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

          Only one way to find out, grrl. I'd bring a spare change of clothing and a big towel, antiseptic ointment, band-aids, scissors, surgical needle and thread, a ball-gag, cuffs, a riding-crop, and a (hidden) gun, car key, and phone.

          • YouBetcha

            Aside from the riding crop, I'm pretty sure I'm carrying all of that in my purse. But it's ok. Anything I forget, I'm sure Marcus will be able to provide.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Go for it… but you'll have to do better than the old approach-in-the-ladies-room strategy. I hear she's on to that one.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

            I have a small, tasteful, leather riding-crop I could loan you. But I want first dibs on any shots of you using it on MaSheley.

          • AJWjr.

            You're both forgetting the jumper cables.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

            Thank you, thank you. I knew I'd forgotten something.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        Until she bites through your nutsack, anyway.

      • LiveToServeYa

        Too bad Marcus will never know.

  • i_AM_ready

    –Anderson! Anderson!…. AndersonAndersonAnderson! Anderson! Anderson!

    –Yes, Congresswoman Bachmann?

    –Um, I forgot….Oh yes, 999 upside down is the devil!

    –[crickets]

    • not that Dewey

      That makes all of us much danger. What happens in Michele's head should stay in Michele's head.

  • LabRodent

    She peaked to early with the Bat Shit Crazy, you have to let it ooze out a la Herman Cain.

    • nounverb911

      Needs more santorum.

      • LabRodent

        Missed it by THAT much.

    • DahBoner

      She peaked to early..

      And she flipped out and took off before Drums and Space even started!

  • SorosBot

    It's amazing how fast a campaign can fall apart when the person in charge has an untreated serious mental illness and also no clue what the fuck she's doing.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Oh she knows what she's doing. It just only makes sense if you are suffering from schizophrenia yourself.

      • SorosBot

        The bidding of the voices in her head that she calls "god"?

    • LabRodent

      You've just described have the managers in this Laboratory.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        Only *half*? Damn, you're lucky.

    • YouBetcha

      That's no way to speak about Marcus.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I dunno … Palin managed to keep at it for years. The secret seems to be in keeping the crazy under wraps, while letting only the stupid out.

      • LetUsBray

        Yep; Rill Amurka loves teh stupid, but is still leery of teh crazy.

    • An_Outhouse

      I can't figure how the bat shit crazies get people to work for them. How did she make it this far?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        She has a very high staff turnover, and all her ex-staffers badmouth her. She gets fresh bodies because the employment situation sucks so bad. In a good economy, she would be begging for workers, assuming she ever even got into office.

        • AJWjr.

          It amazes me to think they might be true believers.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

            They truly believe she's an absolute shit once they've gotten up close and personal.

  • OneYieldRegular

    If San Francisco ignores you when you come to town, you've really hit rock bottom. I bet she didn't even get panhandled.

  • chicken_thief

    The Commonwealth Club? Isn't that a tittie bar in the Filmore District?

    • Fare la Volpe

      We prefer the term Sapphic Obedience Respite.

      • Isyaignert

        Oh, there you go again you libural elitist educated big-word Commie.

  • meatlofer

    You ever had a New Hampshire Corn Dog? They smell like a Guatemalan Shit House.

    • DahBoner

      You ever had a New Hampshire Corn Dog? They smell like…"

      This must be one of those cross-border Vermont jokes?

  • SayItWithWookies

    This is what happens when you try to appeal to the godless secularists at the GOP — they reject your powerful message of putting up the ten commandments everywhere and making science classes teach the geocentric universe theory out of sheer dogmatic intransigence. Prophets are always rejected in their hometown nation continent planet.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

      Prophets are always rejected in their hometown nation continent planet universe.

      FIFY, NNTT

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    …although reports saying that Rick Perry’s campaign is already busy pilfering some of them indicate this is mostly due to her being a blathering loser.

    Win-win, for the rest of us entertainment junkies.

    They're caught between Scylla and Charybdis, (or Crazy She1y and Santorum, for you moderns out there).
    ~

    • Indiepalin

      Fuck the Police.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        You are a clever clog!

  • RadioOcupados

    Unfortunately, Santorum abhors a vacuum. Therefore, this means more Santorum.

    • not that Dewey

      Nature is gonna insist on a wet/dry shopvac and some hospital disinfectant.

      • RadioOcupados

        Blights in Whie Satin.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

          Blights in Whie Whine Satin.

          FIFY, NNTT

          • RadioOcupados

            Tx for the correction, I was typing frantically as my boss was trying to look over my shoulder. But Whine Satin is better.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

            Always happy to help out, amigo. In fact, should I drop by and stick both fingers in the boss's eyes?

      • LesBontemps

        Nature is gonna insist on a wet/dry shopvac

        But I thought Nature abhors a vacuum?

        • not that Dewey

          Nature likes Santorum even less.

    • Indiepalin

      And Sarah Palin abhors a vacuum cleaner.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        But MICHELE sold video tapes of her vacuum-cleaning her carpet in high heels!

      • AJWjr.

        As do most house pets.

    • DahBoner

      abhors

      Now why did you have to bring the Situation into this?

  • baconzgood

    Now that she and Sarah are gone to the realm of insignificant who's gonna take up the mantle of Bat Shit Crazy Bitch? I can't Wonk this election with out at least one psycho cunt.

    • nounverb911

      Virginia Foxxx?

      • baconzgood

        I thought her Naughty Girls Need Love Too song sucked but if your turned down the sound the video was awsome!!!!!!!

    • GFPcat

      Looks like a lucky break for the understudy, Xtine O'Donnell

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Next debate, Cain debuts his sassy black momma alter-ego, "Medea". Hide the children.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        Hide yo' husband! Hide yo' wife, too!

        I swear to god if Cain shows up in a dress I will drag him off the stage and beat him to death with his wig.

        • horsedreamer_1

          You know who else is a middle-aged black man from Georgia?

          Tyler Perry.

          How do we know Herman Cain isn't just TP's latest burlesque?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

            Because NObody ever hated black people more than Herman Cain. Well, maybe Uncle Ruckus.

          • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

            Boondocks FTW

          • LetUsBray

            So soon do we forget Clarence Thomas, who I always thought was at least part of the inspiration for Uncle Ruckus.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PristinePantalones

            Clarence Thomas is best forgotten. Has he ever dissed black people in public like Uncle Herb, tho?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Only relatives:
            http://www.raceandhistory.com/historicalviews/cla

            Nobody saw what I did there, with "Medea" and "children"? Are you not classically entertained? (I'm pathetic.)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PristinePantalones

            Oh, duh — I'm really not that quick on the uptake, Chet, pls 2 forgive. Jeez. How could I have missed that? Medea's was a formative myth in my young life. I think I read it when I was six or seven, and developed the uncomfortable (for my parents) habit of checking the cooking pots on the stove for evidence that the parental units had cooked my younger siblings.

            Thanks for that linky. Very informative. Thomas really is a to-the-bone headcase, isn't he? I wonder why he and Ginny don't have kids?

    • chicken_thief

      "…with out at least one psycho cunt. "

      What, did Santorum drop out, too?!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

      Herman Cain's not enough of a psycho cunt for you? Try Rick Perry. He's on the verge of losing it, he should be good for about another week.

  • Callyson

    "I don't think she's irrelevant from a conservative point of view," said Sally Zelikovsky, a Marin County Tea Party organizer who was headed to a private, $100-a-person fundraiser in Napa for Bachmann. "A lot of conservatives still haven't made up their mind."
    There's a ringing endorsement…

    • Guppy06

      Note the many "conservatives" but only one "mind."

      • Geminisunmars

        And even that is overstating it.

    • LesBontemps

      If she's only getting a hundred bucks a head for a private Napa fundraiser she might as well be turning tricks in some Tenderloin alley.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        What do you think Marcus was doing while she was attending the fundraiser?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        You can make a LOT more than a lousy $100 turning tricks in the Tenderloin.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      "Marin County Tea Party" does not compute.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      I think there's some heavy constructive editing going on in those statements, as in "I don't think she's irrelevant from a conservative point of view, YET, but we're still waiting to hear from the GOP branch on the dark side of Pluto before we can definitely say she's completely fucking irrelevant"…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That would take some of the punch out of her latest bumper stickers:

        "Bachmann … not entirely irrelevant."

  • lulzmonger
    • BarackMyWorld

      Barry can send a dozen guys to Israel to help someone move and we hear people bitch about it for weeks…he finally brings home the last 4,000 troops from one of our most hated wars and no one says a peep.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        Hey, he took out three of the people the RWNJs have been bitching about (and stealing our rights and our money by trying to SCARE us about) for ELEVEN LONG FUCKING YEARS, and what was the response?

        1. Osama bin Laden — Bush did it; Cheney did it; the Navy SEALS did it;
        2. Anwar al-Awlaki — ILLEGAL! Violation of sovereignty! Cruel and Unnatural!
        3. Muammar Gadhafi — War Powers Act! Not fast enough! Too soon! Too slow! The French did it!

        They will not give the man credit if he single-handedly hauls each and every one of them, personally, out of Satan's Pit of Fire(tm).

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Not even Obama is getting them out. Trust me.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

            And here I was carefully NOT invoking your name, in case you showed up.

            OTOH, I'm kinda glad you're in charge, Biely. You sure know how to stick it to the deserving.

  • RadioOcupados

    I guess crazy with pizza is just better than plain old crazy.

    • Eve8Apples

      Too much crazy and not enough pepperoni and extra cheese.

    • BornInATrailer

      Yep. Why have just crazy when you can have crazy bread.

      • poncho_pilot

        a Godfather or a Little Caesar. both would make equally bad choices for president.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

      Depends on the pizza.

      • RadioOcupados

        Or pizza that tastes like depends….*gack*….I just made myself sick.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

          Think POSITIVE! You have assisted me in adhering to my weight loss prograaaargh blaaargh.

          Never mind.

  • Schmannnity

    Riddle of the day: You wake up in bed with Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, and Katherine Harris. What next?

    • SorosBot

      Puke?

      • baconzgood

        Seriously! I would probably have to order out for some more vomit because I'd run out of my own.

    • memzilla

      Pics, Photoshop, and extortion. Next question?

    • HedonismBot

      Um, fuck, marry, kill?

    • RadioOcupados

      Coyote stupid?

      • jus_wonderin

        Is that where you knaw off your ears and eat your brain to get away from them???

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

          I like this solution.

    • proudgrampa

      Is this like the guy in Monty Python's Meaning of LIfe who gets chased over the cliff by a pack of naked women?
      http://vimeo.com/10798467

    • SayItWithWookies

      There is no next — the world has already ended.

    • LabRodent

      Lots and Lots of Xanax.

    • BlueStateLibel

      You realize you should have gone to church more often and been a much nicer person.

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Ask Oedipus and Glouchester.

      • DashboardBuddha

        Oedipus smedipus…as long as you love your mother.

      • not that Dewey

        Hey, Oedipus? What's wrong with your eyes?

        I gouged them out.

        Well, that was stupid.

    • baconzgood

      You have just replaced James Joyce's description from A Portrait of the Artist As a Young Man of what hell is.

      • jus_wonderin

        Or Munch's "The Scream" personified.

    • Guppy06

      Make them all submit, just like their Bible says.

    • prommie

      Wow! Its not so much what I woul do, but in what order! Kitty Harris, Meeeoowww! I think I would kick Palin out, to be honest, she'd be annoying, those other two would be fun, though.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Kitty's a bit man-faced, but she knows how to ride.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        Shelly and Lou could stay as long as they promised not to talk.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

          That's what ball-gags are for, dear. That, and pony gear.

          • proudgrampa

            Kinky!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

            I'm not *even* gonna remind anybody about come-cups, or whatever it was certain grandfatherly kinksters might have opined about, oncet, in this very sacred place, heah.

            (whistles, walks away, hands in pockets)

          • proudgrampa

            Sweetheart, you are never going to let me live that down, huh?

            Love,

            proudgrampa

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

            Never, darling, NEVER!!

            So, you gonna cum clean, or what? :D

            Love you too, grampa.

          • Guppy06

            Equestrian Kitty would probably bring her own such gear.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

            And here I thought you were an innocent young'un, Guppy.

          • Guppy06

            I was sent here by the world's worst high school civics teacher, and you commenters have roont me!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

            Will it make you feel better if I say I have been TORTURED by guilt ever since?

            No, my name isn't Tony Baloney, geez, what fucking cynics you Wonketteerz are.

    • LesPaultard

      Round 3!

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Tell Satan I prefer the room where they stand up to their knees in shit while sipping coffee.

      • proudgrampa

        Until break's over? BWAHAAHAAHAAHAA!

        • jus_wonderin

          At least, in Hell, one doesn't have to leave their station to smoke.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          The classics never go out of style.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        This is pretty clearly Hell, but that's not how it works. You report, I decide.

    • GFPcat

      Take more of whatever horrific drug got you into that situation.

    • chicken_thief

      I'm surprised no one said "live in fear for the rest of my life 'cause Marcus or Tawd would surely kick my ass".

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        Oh, come ON. You know both Marcus AND Toad would gladly pay any amount asked if you'd just keep their respective spouses.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Grow digging claws on your back, so as to burrow down into the mattress until only the eyes are showing…..

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        We need to talk about your reading material.

    • Eve8Apples

      Kitty offers to mount Sarah Lou and ride her like a circus pony. Sarah says "Yes" only if Kitty contributes $1,000.00 to Sarah PAC so she can continue thinking about running for President while being ridden. Michele screams "LESBIAN CONSPIRACY" and runs out of the room begging Marcus to "PRAY IT AWAY!!!"
      I immediately phone the Betty Ford Clinic and tell them to reserve me a room. I never drink or abuse my prescription medication again.

    • kissawookiee

      The Aristocrats?

      • DashboardBuddha

        brilliant!

    • yyyaz

      Kill Ashton Kutcher?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

      You run screaming out of the house without no pants, and get busted 100 yards away.

      Alternatively, you realize it's all a bad dream and resolve not to hit the bottle so hard in the night-time.

    • AJWjr.

      Jesus, how many sammiches do I really need?

    • Negropolis

      I can assure you with all three of them in the bed, you wouldn't wake up. Between the three of them, one of them would have certainly cannabalized you.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Ummm, look around on the floor for your genitals?

  • user-of-owls

    You have to admit, it's pretty remarkable when a politician manages to make San Francisco's gay men sit on their hands rather than something else.

    What? I meant chairs, you twisted pervert!

    • Geminisunmars

      Random upfisting.

      • user-of-owls

        Reach around return upfisting.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      You're suggesting they like to sit and spin?

      • user-of-owls

        What's good for Linda Blair's head, is good for the dandies!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

      Oh, sure you did, user, sure you did.

  • Eve8Apples

    The paid staff is quitting?

    But…But…But…I thought Republicans were job CREATORS!

    • DahBoner

      "paid staff"

      Money for nothing, chicks for free…

  • edgydrifter

    First they fight you, then they laugh at you, then they ignore you, and then you lose.

    –Mahatma Bachmann

    • PuckStopsHere

      She's the mother of nonsensical resistance!

  • http://www.facebook.com/groups/227406670645311 Fred_Wertham_Jr

    I was gonna go but, like everybody in the East Bay, I was just way too stoned.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

      Speak for yourself, Fred. The rest of the stoners are wondering if their dispensaries will still be open in two weeks.

      • http://www.facebook.com/groups/227406670645311 Fred_Wertham_Jr

        I wish you the best. I was never comfortable with the card and dispensary thing.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Sarah, your country needs you!!!

    • DahBoner

      To quit right now!

  • proudgrampa

    Ah, Michele, we hardly knew ye.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      I think her husband has never known her. IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        So … all those kids … I mean, parthenogenesis has never been conclusively proven in higher animals …

  • slithytoves

    Why would an unqualified candidate pilfer staff who have proven to be no antidote to an unqualified candidate?

    I guess that's part of being an unqualified candidate. Thank the goddess it's Friday.

    • memzilla

      Because they have experience with unqualified candidates.

  • fuflans

    MICHELE BACHMANN spoke at the commonwealth club?

    man california really is hurting isn't it?

  • Antispandex

    I think foolish pride may keep her in long enough to see if she can get a Palin style pity VP nod. However, if people keep picking on her, it may drive her crazy…and it's a very short ride.

    • LetUsBray

      I think she has a decent chance to get it: Willard will probably get the nomination, which means the VP choice will have to appease the Teabaggers, the Batshit Crazies, and the Talibangelicals. Willard and Gov. Goodhair clearly loathe each other, so it's either her or Pizza Man, and I think when you get down to it they'll find him unpleasantly Near.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PristinePantalones

        Yup. Especially now that the Near has also been shown to be "pro-choice."

  • DemonicRage

    How many more debates will she tell us how many children she has, how many foster children she has, and how, in Congress, it was like she was Jesus wandering thru the desert or wandering through the wilderness, because no one except her understood how important it was that PRESIDENT OBAMA WILL BE A ONE TERM PRESIDENT. I got to hear all those things at least 15 more times.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Moses goes into the desert, Jesus comes out. You can't explain it.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Never an exegesis.

    • grex1949

      You're watching the debates? I catch the highlights the next day, and even that's too much for my blood pressure.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        Trust me, it's too much for my blood pressure, which is normally a lizardoid 98/58.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    And Perry is recruiting people who used to work for Bachmann? Sounds like talent doesn't abound over there…

    • Eve8Apples

      As they say in Texas, Perry needs to rethink his strateeejury.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Your talking the kid's paddling end of the gene pool there….

  • Steverino247

    Bachman is an effective fertilizer due to her high levels of phosphorus and nitrogen and also her lack of odor. She was an important source of nitrates for gunpowder. Soil that is deficient in organic matter can be made more productive by addition of this candidate.

    Yup, just wait until the AG states vote in the primaries. They know how important batshit crazy can be.

    • Guppy06

      "Guano" sounds too ethnic, ifyouknowwhatimean.

  • kingcocrazy

    Perry's going to hire some of Michele's staffers? Maybe Ricky and Marcus had a little pillow talk. After all, rentboys and campaign staffers are practically the same thing.

  • LettucePrey

    She is such a loser, in fact, that the roaming liberal hippie mobs of San Francisco did not even bother to wander over and chant some godless queerness at her when she visited the city on Thursday, even for old times’ sake, for fear of catching a boredom-induced coma.

    Indeed, in SF we protest the changing of a light bulb. So if we don’t care about you, nobody does.

    (Also, we had two minor earthquakes yesterday, each of which garnered approximately 4,317 Facebook updates from my friends, with still nary a peep about Cheley’s presence among us.)

  • mourningnmerica

    God must really hate her to put her through this kind of humiliation.

    • GOPCrusher

      I was thinking the same thing, Michele's Gawd is a cruel bastard.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

        He's not a very nice fellow at ALL! He told Herman Cain that HE was the chosen one, and then he went and told Rick DinglePerry the same exact thing! And this was after he told Michele she was his best girl and truly speshul.

  • El Pinche

    Now lose your reelection you cross-eyed psychotic baby farmer.

    • emmelemm

      Love your avatar!

      PS She's not running for re-election. Huzzah!! (She put all her eggs in the "gonna be President" basket.)

      • GOPCrusher

        Michele is finding out that just because you tell people that God told you to run for President, it doesn't automatically make it so.

    • jus_wonderin

      How does one know when to harvest? How do we know when a baby is ripe?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Who cares, so long as you get the subsidies?

        • DahBoner

          That's only if you leave your womb fallow…

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            … hence the adopted kids.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

            With five of her own, her baby-bag ain't exactly fallow.

      • DahBoner

        Messicans know.

        They just know…

      • RadioOcupados

        Ripeness begins at conception.

    • DahBoner

      psychotic baby farmer

      Those babies don't grow on trees!

      Wait–maybe they do….

  • http://wonkette.com ChurchofRealism

    And Marcus celebrated with poppers and a leather gimp suit. The end.

  • mourningnmerica

    The "Pray Michele Away" movement is to be commended. I myself asked the Almighty to have her choke to death on a sandwich. While he didn't do this for me, I give all praise and glory to Him for these recent developments.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Strange and mysterious ways" are indistinguishable from a sick sense of humor. Terry Pratchett fans aside, the former is an easier sell.

  • Indiepalin

    This is good news for the Manson family.

  • subsum

    Marcus is teh ghey… that smile don't lie.

  • user-of-owls

    Tonight, between the gin and the tears, Michelle's going to be sifting through the photos of her 438 children to see which one will look best holding a doll and thrusting out a pouty lower lip during her resignation speech.

    • jus_wonderin

      Is there a pregnant one? Those work well too, also.

      • user-of-owls

        Or a vacuous one with enormous tits and a Daily Beast blog.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Especially an unmarried pregnant one who can be seen as making lemonade from lemons.

  • user-of-owls

    It's a measure of how worried Obama is about Bachmann's momentum that he felt the need to announce the US withdrawal from Iraq.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    There's a double-layer neoprene wetsuit and dildo story in here somewhere.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "Bachmann’s entire New Hampshire staff has resigned en masse because she refuses to focus on the state"

    Jeez, people — look at her eyes. She can't focus on any state smaller than Iowa. It's not right to discriminate over a medical condition!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

      Despite your reputation for cruelty, Biely, you can be very kind. Sometimes.

      Or perhaps you and The Other Guy have some kind of agreement regarding MishMash?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        We have a bet, if that's what you mean.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

          No details?

  • finallyhappy

    I "unliked" a business in NH on FB- they deleted my comment that they needed to sanitize aftger Santorum was there.

  • Poindexter718

    Welcome to the Feck Off and Die state, Rep. Baby Farmer.

  • DahBoner

    Whatever happened to Mitt Romney's baby?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

      He *had* one? Goodness, and he never even *showed.*

  • NellCote71

    You have to know your Texas politics, but when John Connolly switched from Democrat to Republican, Ralph Yarbrough famously said that it was the first time he had heard of a rat swimming toward a sinking ship.

  • http://strangestoriesaboutsadpeople.blogspot.com/ Thedongsofwar

    Maybe Marcus can comfort her with some passionate "I'm sorry" sex. If he's up for it.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

      I don't think "passionate" and "sex" belong in any description of Michele and Marcus' private life together.

  • YasserArraFeck

    It's not the she refuses to focus on New Hampster – the poor cow can't focus on it. We've all seen her try to look into a camera. It's those eyes…..those crazy eyes…….

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

    Yeah, well, the REAL reason none of those godless commie fags showed up to protest Michele is, Marcus was blowing them all for free down in the Castro.

  • owhatever

    Never fear. Marcus will suck it up. Things work out.

  • JackObin

    I see a public meltdown in Little Michelle's future, perhaps a striptease to "God Bless the U.S.A".

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Pristine_ODummy

    They haven't offered her a job yet, and chances are they never will, since they already have a blonde (Greta van Suckholen) who is also a lawyer by training.

    • Negropolis

      But, she's marginally prettier than Greta, which is how they choose hosts on that network, so Shells still has a shot.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PristinePantalones

        Actually — and I know I'm gonna get my ass kicked for this, so go ahead — she's not too bad for an old broad. Good cheekbones, nice nose, and fairly good skin (yes, she's got wrinkles, but hey, she's in her late 50s). Trim figure, nice legs, a full head of hair. If only someone would cut her vocal chords, she might be worth fucking.

        And Greta van Suckhole is the ugliest woman on god's green earth, if my eyes don't lie. A horse-faced bitch with a mean slash of a mouth. Kissing her would be like making out with a surgical glove.

  • http://www.marinmaven.com marinmaven

    Last time she was in the Bay Area, she could only fetch 100 buck a plate dinner in Marin County which features the wealthiest zipcodes in the nation. That told me that she wasn't even close to being a serious candidate, but a freak sideshow for the few bored GOP/T-baggers they could scrounge up in the most liberal place in the country. Slathered in loser sauce, all you can see is her crazy eyes.

  • Walkinwiddaking

    It shows you how desperate some people are. Would you want to hook your job to a nut job like this?

  • ttommyunger

    I AM flabbergasted; flabbergasted it took this fucking long.

  • LesPaultard

    Close enough.
    Please. That's close enough.

  • user-of-owls

    Compared to Santorum's little girl, he's too much of a cry baby.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Heck, it's a gimmee.