Jackass Bankers Drop Insane Leaflets On Chicago Protesters

  pictures of fear

Paying for *what,* the paper in the office copier?What are the nation’s nervous mid-level financial managers up to this week? Oh, just freaking the hell out, and making weirdly vague flyers on the office copier to dump on the throngs of protesters outside every day.

Wonkette operatives from the Occupy Chicago protests sent along this delightful photograph proving that the Banking Class is finally terrified of the harmless, jobless students and workers milling about day after day forever beneath those glass towers soon to be repossessed by either China or Justice.

But what does this dumb slogan mean? “WE ARE THE 1% PAYING FOR THIS.” It was printed on many sheets of paper, apparently by the Chicago Board of Trade. Paying for what? The office copier? The protests themselves? So is the Chicago Board of Trade somehow the real George Soros behind the Communist Insurrection?

And were any actual 1-percenters involved in this dumb fear stunt? We are thinking, “Ha ha, of course not, because this has all the marks of Asshole $100K Salaryman on it.” You need to have an average annual income of $2,196,124 — and at least $200,000 a year — to be in the Top 1% of U.S. earners, according to the latest federal statistics from the Social Security Administration. The people making $2 million plus are not running off copies in the office insulting the protesters — because the people making over $2 million a year are keeping as low a profile as possible right now, excepting those running for president. They get Secret Service protection.

Also: Has the number of bodyguards and plainclothes police and private security in obvious public view on New York’s Upper East Side dramatically increased since, say, the last time your editor was in town about a year-and-a-half ago? Because it was outrageous yesterday. We are reminded of Russian Mobsters with their dozen musclehead black-suited thugs outside every “luxury goods” store or “hooker nightclub” in Eastern Europe, in the 1990s. [Occupy Chicago]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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248 comments

    1. Boojum_Reborn

      I'm sure the NYPD will get outraged over this blatant violation of the littering laws. I expect to have some CEO head cracking any second now.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Prolly decorated with lead-based paint, and they'll have to be sent back, because they pose a risk to anyone who lies down on one.

    1. WhatTheHeck

      “We are the 1% paying for this” were the very words Marie Antoinette uttered after her famous “Let the filthy scum eat cake.”

      Then, somehow, she lost her head.

    2. mayor_quimby

      The Mythbusters guys are on it, they're trying to build one that gives the correct, satisfying 'thwack' noise and bounces the severed head a couple of feet into the basket. It's gonna drive the crowds nuts.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yeah, it's not as if they pinned a Benjamin or two onto the leaflets, so as to actually be paying for whatever "this" is.

      1. ifthethunderdontgetya

        Here's Michael Gerson in today's War Criminal Post, regurgitating the concerns of concern troll Doug Schoen.

        But this particular contradiction involves political risks. Presidential campaigns usually value message discipline. Obama has tied the message of his campaign to a group with far more resentments than focused demands.

        So which is it, corporatist flunkies?

        Is OWS is a bunch of silly hippies in drum circles, or a dangerous commie-nazi-muslim threat!!!!?
        ~

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          "Obama has tied the message of his campaign to a group with far more resentments than focused demands."

          Not at all like GOPtards courting the teabaggers. Not at all.

          1. GOPCrusher

            The new meme is to call the OWS protesters, Fleabaggers. I guess that's because they are starting to get under people's skin.

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      "No refuge could save the hireling and slave
      From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
      And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
      O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!"

      - Francis Scott Key

    1. bureaucrap

      I actually thought there was a *slight* possibility that the flyer might be a poorly worded mea culpa (as in "we are the 1% and now we're paying for it"). Probably not, though.

      1. tessiee

        "might be a poorly worded mea culpa"

        Whoever made that sign has neither the ethics, nor probably even the comprehension of cause and effect, to feel guilty.

    2. DahBoner

      Sure, they claim they're going to buy you a new white shirt after they spill their Merlot all over you, but they never do…

    1. WhatTheHeck

      That only happens when the bastards are actually losing money.
      We, the 99%, paid them off so they wouldn't have to jump out of the windows.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        When they lose money, WE pay. (And when they make money, we lose.)

        Because Americans are so good at the "creative financial product" thing.

      1. donner_froh

        Damn. It must have taken SorosBot (the INSANE MOTHERFUCKER WHO STOMPS BRIETBART TRASH FOR FUN) an internet lifetime to move one p-point. I realize that standards must be maintained but this seems a bit too restrictive.

      1. Lit Happens

        As is Kuenstler Script. Maybe I'll get around to designing "Fucking Asshole Bold" for the 1% to use. It'll look great, especially in intaglio on a nice Crane paper.

    1. __kth__

      Rick Santelli's 2009 rant, all for bailing out banks but against bailing out mortgage holders, and said to have galvanized the then-nascent TEA movement, was from the floor of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange.

    1. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Only an extraordinarily fussy interpretation of the 2nd Amendment stands between you and your God-given right to snuff an ambitious CBOT trader.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Wrong amendment, methinks.
        I could, however, make a case for it being a protected form of free speech: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury: the defendant Gorzo wanted to send a message, but his eloquent posts on Wonkette went unheeded…"

  1. smitallica

    Yes, that's it. When protesters are accusing you of having all the money, I'd distribute flyers bragging about how you have all the money.

    Fuckwads.

  2. Goonemeritus

    Sending a shopping bag of cash to your local Representative in Congress is not the same as paying taxes. Oh and fuck you very much.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      But it's much more efficient than paying taxes … and America is all about efficiency these days. (Gotta keep up with the Chinese, you know.)

  3. Chichikovovich

    You forgot to show the other side of the flyer, which has pictures of what "This" refers to — pictures of hookers, blow, and Congress.

  4. x111e7thst

    I was interested to note that Zuccotti Park is now a regular stop for the Manhattan tour buses. Come see the dirty hippies as the protest in their natural environment?

  5. SorosBot

    I miss the rich fuckups of the Great Depression, who actually had a sense of shame and the right thing after screwing over the country and jumped out of skyscraper windows.

    1. Geminisunmars

      They only jumped out of financial ruin, not so much the shame (I'm inclined to believe, although I wasn't there), although I guess they might have felt shame in being poor, not in having caused the wipe-out.

  6. Chichikovovich

    "Has the number of bodyguards and plainclothes police and private security in obvious public view on New York’s Upper East Side dramatically increased since, say, the last time your editor was in town about a year-and-a-half ago? Because it was outrageous yesterday."

    OWS is job-creatin' !

    1. GOPCrusher

      Sadly they stopped trading in pork bellies at the Chicago Board of Trade about a month ago.
      Even sadder? I knew that.

  7. memzilla

    Bet it was Georgia Pacific paper, too … another proud subsidiary of Koch Industries. It's the Circle of Life!

  8. ManchuCandidate

    Sometimes I don't know who's worse. The arrogant assholes of the 1% or their delusional 99% lackeys who somehow believe they're in the 1%.

    Note to lackeys:
    1) If you always talk about monies/business then you're not that 1%
    2) If you don't pay people like you to wipe your ass then you're not that 1%
    3) Do you really think that the 1% would let an unwashed like you join THEIR club?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Point 3 is the real kicker. When the lackeywannabes finally realize that there's no way in hell they're going to reach that level (because that level is so preposterously stratospheric), they're going to be unhappy campers … and unhappy campers are what OWS is made of.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          When the boss lives in a nice house and drives a Caddy, enlightement can take decades. When he's flown in from his estate by helicopter, or arrives in the back seat of a Bentley, the realization can set in very quickly.

          1. yyyaz

            With all respect due to your vast experience, oh Dark One, methinks they tend more supplicantly to the embers of ambition you have kindled in their dark hearts than you may know. But I hope you're right.

          2. ManchuCandidate

            I have to disagree. I know a couple of folks like that. One is on serious pyschotropic drugs to keep his subconscious from destroying his delusion. The other is 300lbs and thinks he's an athlete under all that fat (he's not.)

  9. deanbooth

    "In an improvised mock trial, by a show of hands, the two captives were found guilty, then taken into the garden, tied together against a wall and shot, after which, reportedly, a number of the women from the crowd urinated on the bodies." Paris, 1871 (from McCullough's Greater Journey)

  10. SayItWithWookies

    I am a filthy rich motherfucker. I made more money than I'll ever be able to do anything with. And yet I have used my money, my friends, my daddy's friends, my alumni society and the rich bastards at my law firm to hire lobbyists to change the rules so I pay less and less while the poor and middle class pay more and more.

    And yet despite cutting my own taxes, income disparities have grown so much that I can continue to complain about paying more taxes (okay, federal income taxes for those who are paying attention) than 47% of the population. It used to be 40%. And as income disparities continue to grow, I can complain about how I pay more taxes (see above) than 50% or even 60% of the population, even while they continue to make less and I continue to make more.

    Neat, huh?

    I am the 1%.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      I don't understand at what point you are talking about tax RATES or tax AMOUNTS in this. (In fact, that's how these discussions are used to obscure what's really going in front of the 66% Stupid.)

      1. SayItWithWookies

        That's the point — a smaller and smaller proportion of the population pays a higher percentage of the total federal income tax revenue collected, even as their rates get lower. This is because income disparity keeps growing, which forces a greater proportion of the population into lower brackets where EIC and other deductions mean they pay less federal income tax.

        The beauty of it is (for the rich folks' argument, anyway) is that the problem as they represent it ("we're paying for you poor people") was caused and continues to be exacerbated by the same policies that make the rich richer. So the greater the rich folks' success at skewing the system in their favor, the more they get to complain that a smaller and smaller proportion of the population pays a greater and greater percentage of (federal income) taxes.

        They've crafted a fake problem that looks worse as a result of their gaming the system, and they play both sides of it.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          Gotcha. It's a kind of 3 Card Monte, arguing about 3 things at once (income disparity, tax rates and proportions of taxpayers) and obscuring the truth on all of them.

    2. Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Are you looking to get married/gay-married? Helps with the taxes.

      Bonzo needz sugar-daddy/momma.

    3. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Reductio ad absurdum: When you've finally succeeded in acquiring 100% of everything, you get to tell everybody else to shut up and stop complaining — because you're paying all of the taxes.

    1. Guppy06

      I'd wager being photocopier operator pays better, and has the added benefit of getting to watch your boss make an ass of himself and volunteer to be first up against the wall.

  11. Mumbletypeg

    "We are the 1%, pain-in-the-ass!"

    Fixed. One-percenters should never attempt a general assembly of their own. The original speaker's message gets watered down & drowned out faster than a game of Telefone.

  12. BornInATrailer

    2mil? That income level has got to be wrong.

    EDIT: That income level appears to be wrong by about a factor of 10.

    1. GregComlish

      I think the 2mil must be the average income of the entire 1%. One could be in the lower end of the 1% at about a quarter million in household income, but as has been noted before the income distribution is a highly skewed distribution with many extremely large outliers.

      1. BornInATrailer

        I understand that the slope is going to climb rapidly from the bottom of that top 1% range. That slope is steeper than bottom 1% to top 1%.

        But I don't see the 2mil average either. Where are you getting that From what I find it looks like it is under 1 mil (perhaps just under) as the 1% average.

  13. philpjfry

    I'm confused, does being a one percenter mean the stupidest, cruelest, most greedy, least compassionate, clueless, selfish, arrogant, entitled, jackoffs in the world? or does it mean something else?

    1. GregComlish

      $380,000 is the lower bound of a very steeply sloped distribution. $2 million is the average for the top 1%.

      1. GregComlish

        oop. Just ran the numbers. The average for the top 1% is only 3/4 mil. Not sure where the 2 mil figure comes from.

  14. spinozasgod

    off topic…I was reading the comments on an artricle about Repubs. blocking the teachers, cops, and firefighters portion of the jobs bill in the NYT and see that a majority of the comments are saying the the bill was just a "union" bill and Obama just wants to pass it to get union money for his re-election. So I would guess that Fox has been spewing this on its "news" broadcasts. Right-wingers are ASSHOLES.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      To the righties it's just a giveaway to the IAFF, the FOP and the NEA. You know — "special interests."

    2. tessiee

      Really, police and firefighters too?
      When did that happen?
      I mean, I know the wingnuts hate the teachers for some reason, but aren't they supposed to be gung-ho for the cops and firefighters?

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    Excuse me, cockface, but if I recall correctly, my taxes paid for the bailout of your banks, so no, you are absolutely not paying for this. Fuck you.

  16. kissawookiee

    That would explain the all-you-can-eat vats of caviar, champagne fountain, blow buffet, and complimentary seven-diamond whores the Ocupados have been enjoying since Day One.

  17. __kth__

    Could be a false-flag operation, to make the 1% (or their cubicle-dwelling sycophants) look all the more loathsome. That someone could sufficiently lack self-awareness to distribute these in earnest is not easy to fathom.

    1. SorosBot

      Considering that some of the bankers in New York were laughing at protesters while drinking champagne from a balcony, yes they do sufficiently lack self-awareness to distribute these in earnest.

    2. Crank_Tango

      if anything, it's a false-false flag operation designed to make it look like the occupados are trying to make the won percenters look like assholes.

    3. DahBoner

      "Could be a false-flag operation"

      No, no, no.

      When you're making $300K per hour, your testosterone goes WAY up.

      Yes, they really do have the balls to do this…

    4. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Poe's Law again: As an enterprise grows more and more divorced from reality, it becomes more and more difficult to tell the parodies from the real thing.

      Fundamentalists, conspiracy theorists, teabaggers, and conservapedia contributors all run afoul of Poe's Law, and now the entitled-to-be-rich dumbfucks are running up against it. Thus, while a sly parodist might produce these flyers, so might a clueless 1-percenter.

  18. BlueStateLibel

    Just a bunch of lackeys, and no, I'm sure they didn't pay for the paper and toner used for their little note. And the stench of fear is getting stronger.

  19. HedonismBot

    Well. I imagine they paid for the paper, ink and copy machines, at first. Then they probly claimed it on their taxes and got a business equipment write-off, so the tax money didn't go to schools, roads or local fire fighters after all.
    So, yeah, 99 percent still paying.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yeah, but somebody has to pick up all that litter, so they're creating jobs. (City sanitation workers, of course, are paid for out of tax revenue … oops.)

  20. Eve8Apples

    IMPORTANT MEMO

    from: The Top 1%
    to: Mid-Level Management
    re: the copier and the peasants

    Stop fuckin' around with the photocopier and stirring up the dirty street peasants. I need you in my office right away. My toenails need to be trimmed and my ass is quite dirty. The Mercedes needs to be washed and someone needs to pick-up a birthday gift for my wife. I expect you back here by 1:00 p.m. It's Friday and I need a full body massage with a happy ending.
    If I catch you fuckin' around with the copier again, I will make sure your ass is sleeping in a tent with the homeless street urchins. If you think you are too big too fail, I can assure you, you are not.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      PS: "Sleeping in a tent with the homeless street urchins" is not to be confused with "sheltered by a TARP".

  21. Wonderthing

    The fliers were dropped by the percentage that are still sucking the 1 percenters cocks hoping for a trickle down.

    1. DahBoner

      Perhaps the 1% dropped their own fliers, just to see how the other 99% lives.

      Bwaahahahahahahahahhahahah!

      That was a good one, huh?

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        They might do it, for sport, while drinking chamagne. Being as it's Friday and everything. But no way in hell did they run off the copies.

  22. bagofmice

    This is comedy gold. There is enough room on the bottom margin to write in words, and the poor grammar leaves the sentence un terminated. "Paid for this … Trash". "Paid for this bailout. Nope.". "Paid for this fraud". You get the picture.

  23. SorosBot

    OT but we've got more Republican ridiculousness here – Sen. Mark Rubio was caught lying in his official biography, which claimed that his parents came to the US when they fled Castro, when they actually immigrated to the US in 1956, before the revolution. When called on it instead of apologizing or doing anything reasonable, “Senator Rubio issued a statement on Thursday saying that the ‘essential facts of my family’s story are completely accurate.’ And he said it was ‘outrageous’ to suggest that he had exaggerated his family history for ‘political gain.’” http://thinkprogress.org/yglesias/2011/10/21/3499

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I wonder if his parents were fighting Nazis in the Southern California desert in the 1950s, like that other crazy Republican woman claimed.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Kinda like the "essential fact" that Dubya served in the armed forces. And Donnie Trump "worked his way up", too, also.

      I'm sure we can generate a long, long list of "essential facts" about douchebaggers. Theoretically, I mean, if one were to ask "what other essential facts do we know about wingnuts?", people might think of examples.

  24. Crank_Tango

    well I dunno about the rest of you, but I am liquidating my hobo beans and investing heavily in pitchfork and torch futures.

    1. Negropolis

      The big bucks will be in guillotines, but you've got to have the money to invest in such high-priced equipment to begin with.

  25. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

    Our San Diego contingent of #OWS decided to demonstrate in the plaza in front of the downtown BOA yestrday, causing a major freakout by…BOA, which closed the branch for the day. Party time! A police captain said "the protest was allowed to continue because no one's bank access was being restricted and the protesters were in areas open to the public. They never entered the bank." My wingnut CPA buddy was freaked out too, as he'd walked over there to deposit a couple of checks and was inconvenienced!. "Stinkin' 1st Amendment," I said to him. It's not like there aren't BOA branches or ATMs about every 400 feet here.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      We got a head start on "Bank Transfer Day", November 5, by going down to our local BofA and closing out our accounts. When the bank assistant asked if there was anything she could say to keep us as customers, I replied with a curt "no". She looked a bit resigned and replied "I understand". I'm guessing she was getting a lot of my answer lately.

      1. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

        It’s tempting to rage at these people but would do no good. They’re victims too.

        1. OneDollarJuana

          I wasn't raging at her. That would be inappropriate. That's why I didn't give her my real reasons for closing my accounts but was just polite. As for the CEO, board of directors, and shareholders, I'll let my money do the talking because it's the only thing they understand, other than the power to control others (through money).

          The sad thing is, as I read the news about BofA laying off 30,000 employees, is that boycotts will always hurt the lowly employees first. However, it's a necessary evil, just as chemotherapy must make a patient ill while combating the worse cancer.

          1. wondering where i am

            If the money goes from B of A to the credit union, couldn't the employees go from the B of A to the credit union. Or is the money going somewhere else?
            The mattress? Hookers and blow?

      2. Generation[redacted]

        Wouldn't a more appropriate answer be, "Yes, take back the executive bonuses, support regulation of the financial markets, and start loaning to small businesses again?" I'm sure there's a few other conditions you could add.

        But then, I've been using local banks and credit unions all my life, so I can't take part in this wave account closing.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          Your long-term dedication to the not-opening-accounts movement is duly noted, and appreciated by all.

        2. tessiee

          "Wouldn't a more appropriate answer be, "Yes, take back the executive bonuses, support regulation of the financial markets, and start loaning to small businesses again?" "

          Yes, but the ten-buck-an-hour teller has no say over when she takes her lunch break, much less the issues you quite accurately list, and might even be penalized for passing a comment like that on to her overlords.

    2. poncho_pilot

      i've learned from personal experience that BOA is fucking awful. so fuck them is what i'm trying to say.

      Mission Federal Credit Union, on the other hand, was quite awesome.

      1. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

        And there you have it:  community-based organization > evil banking empire ruled from Charlotte/NYC.

  26. awwalk56

    It appears with the number of bodyguards and plainclothes police moonlighting to protect the 'swells' from the hordes the real job creators are OWS.

  27. Generation[redacted]

    We are the 1% paying for the cops to pepper spray, beat you, and haul you away. Even the cleaning crews. All of this.

    /fixed

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Paying for it with the taxes they get breaks on, and want further reduced.

      "Essential Facts" are fun!

  28. iburl

    I think I understand the note…

    "We are the 1% paying for this" (poisoned ink note you are holding in your hands)

  29. An_Outhouse

    Are there littering fines in Chi Town? If there were, I wouldn't write my name on the garbage before I threw all over the place. Its not like the 1% can't be looked up and hunted down.

  30. DahBoner

    The 1% are paying for this?

    Cool, I just bought a bag of taterchips outta da machine before I reads this, so where do I send the bill?

  31. imissopus

    I did in fact read a story a few days ago (maybe over at Daily Intel) about the booming business security firms have started doing in New York just in the last few weeks. One dude contacted one firm to help him make plans to flee the country in case the federal government gets overthrown. So Ken, it's not your imagination.

    EDIT: Why yes, here it is: http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2011/10/the_security

    1. DashboardBuddha

      That's a pretty good idea on the part of the security firms. Of course, the fed isn't going to be overthrown anytime soon. The teabaggers have the guns, but it's hard to fight from a hoverround…and the OWSers have the vigor, but not the guns. So, rather than tell the rich folks to Calm the Fuck Down, they're ramping up the fear and providing their customers with a very expensive personal "Security Analysis".

      "Mr. Moneybags…thank you for choosing Xe for your security needs. Here is your personal plan to flee the country should things fall apart (snicker). That will be $10,000."

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Russian and Cuban troops are just waiting for the signal to parachute in to some unsuspecting small conservative town. The code word is "patchouli"

      2. Pristine_ODummy

        Capitalism! Somebody's gotta make money off this.

        The Richie Riches in this country seem pretty fucking stupid. They need to look at other countries to see what happens to the uber-wealthy. As a rule, it's safe to say that if you're rich and scared of being killed, your security service is the first likely suspect, since they have access to you 24/7 AND they have the weapons and training. Means, opportunity — just better make sure they never, ever acquire a motive. Other than your hot wife and bags full o'money, that is.

  32. Poindexter718

    The funny thing is that these jackwipes work for an open outcry exchange that will go electronic in the coming years. Few if any of these pork belly jockeys are currently part of the 1%, but regardless they'll all be down in the street before long huddling with the hippies and bartering their funky trading sport coats away for a blow or a can of beans or a drum.

  33. OneYieldRegular

    I visited the commodities trading floor of the Chicago Board of Trade when I was 10 years old, and will never forget my disappointment that the commodities – corn, soybeans, pork, cattle, etc. – weren't actually ON the trading room floor, in big heaps or corrals. So, knowing that today the Board of Trade is full of vegetables and manure seems oddly congruent.

  34. yyyaz

    Yeah, poor HSBC made only $13 billion last year. I guess when they stole our home they needed it more than my family. Sorry, sires. May I have another beating even though I know it hurts you more than it does me. Sniff.

  35. fuflans

    You're a star-belly sneech
    You suck like a leach
    You want everyone to act like you
    Kiss ass while you bitch
    So you can get rich
    But your boss gets richer off you

  36. DesertTed

    Those flyers were supposed to sent out with the champagne and caviar that was being brought to the protesters.

  37. GOPCrusher

    I'm not the sharpest pencil in the box, but if I was in the 1%, I don't think I would be attracting attention to myself right now.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      That's what the vet says to the cats when we take them in and they're yowling. "This isn't a good time to call attention to yourselves," he says, gently prising their iron deathgrip loose from the catcarriers.

  38. JackObin

    Just a reminder, oh wonderful 1%. You are physical cowards who couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag. Now back to your wives.

  39. tessiee

    Can't they just have the police pick up the protesters bodily, carry them by force into the bank, and have them locked in?

  40. tessiee

    This sign should be prominently displayed directly above a tray of delicious snack treats and umbrella drinks.

  41. Negropolis

    Poor, delusional fools. Keny's right. These idiots think and or wish they were the 1%. So very Real America of them.

    Come on down, the water's fine. And the weed ain't half bad, either.

  42. Warpde

    What I want to know is how much did they pay to have a 99'r show them how to use the damn office copier? Then open a window….

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