World’s best lover New Jersey GOP state Senate candidate Phil Mitsch has some hot relationship tips on Twitter for the ladies, oh yeah: ”Women, you increase your odds of keeping your men by being faithful, a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom.” BAM. You like that? Yeah, you do. And that’s just a taste of your “constituent services” to come (heh)! And to all the Democratic and Republican state leaders who keep calling on him to quit the race — he won’t apologize, because you just don’t know good advice when you hear it.
From the Philadelphia Inquirer:
“That’s a great tip,” Mitsch had said Wednesday in a meeting with the Inquirer’s Editorial Board. “That shows the utmost respect for women…. What I was trying to say to men was, ‘Men, look, if you got to go out and play around and you can’t be honest with a woman and respect her, then you’re better off just doing pay, play and get the ‘F’ away.”
Come on, New Jersey, he went through like eight cocktail napkins working on that last rhyme. Just elect him already, for comedy. [Philadelphia Inquirer via Wonkette operative "Matt S."]
{ 210 comments }
Was he looking for one? Or is he just pimping his daughters like Scott Brown?
Meaning get paid up front?
squirming from a raging case of the clap and counting down the minutes until the next meth score?
Yeah, when that happens to me, I usually end up running for public office.
Yeah, I figured out that really, really old guy who married the gross, fat, drugged-out blonde from Texas paid over $20,000 per blow job, because he paid at the end, not the beginning….
After initially refusing to apologize for his sex advice tweets, New Jersey Senate candidate Phil Mitsch sounded a more contrite tone in a statement released early Thursday evening.
"I would like to sincerely apologize for any offense I may have caused anyone, particularly women, as a result of a Twitter post that has recently been reported," Mitsch said.
Sorry if you bitches can't take a joke.
Is Herman Cain his campaign manager?
No, otherwise it would have been set to music.
♫Imagine there's no hookers……♫
How can I think of a snarky-funny reply when you fiends have already done it all?
HOW?
~
I live near a town with about as many brothels as pizza outlets, and the thought of losing either of them is too terrifying to even contemplate.
No, Uncle Junior is.
"Why do kitchens have windows? So your wife can see the lawn she's going to mow after she's done with the dishes. HAR HAR HAR. Oh, lighten up, ladies! You'll never catch husbands without a sense of humor!"
Oversensitive cunts.
He needs to be Mitsch-slapped.
And never take a personal check for a blow job…
Didn't Marcus Bachmannn say that?
No, he said "Mmfffgghhmmmfff."
Giving a personal check for the same turned Jerry Springer out of politics and into talk show hell. He didn't even get to leave Cincinnati.
Actually … no. He was a city councilman when the whole check thing went down. It was after that scandal that he was elected mayor of Cincinnati. I have no idea how he could have lost the governor's race.
Damn cats remember everything!
Being a condescending sexist douche is a good way to ensure Mitch won't get to Phil anybody.
Heyyyy, I'm just *pollin'* the electorate, ya know! Fuggedaboutit!
He's just concerned because he doesn't want to lag. In the polls that is.
With that smarmy assed expression on his smug assed face, it looks like he knows a lot more about the whores than he does the ladies.
And I'd bet that he's all brag and no action.
all brag and no action
To the considerable relief of NJ's whores…
You only pay for what you can't get for free. Capitalism's a bitch like that.
You don't have to look at his face to know the only way he'll ever get any is if he pays for it. Can you imagine some woman being *willing* to sleep with this schmuck?
Once he starts sweating, the hair dye starts to seep down onto his face and neck, and some of it might land on me.
I charge extra for putting up with that.
Jokes on you, buddy! Most men like us to be a whore in the living room too.
And in the car, and on the floor, and in the shower…
Damnit, Fare!
And the kitchen, and the dining room and the hallway and…
Not to mention that many of us don't want a woman who is "a lady in the living room" (by which I assume he means acts all subservient and does all the chores), and some of us don't even care about that faithful part.
I appreciate an independent woman very much. I love smart, sassy women……
But, I really love to be subservient, lol. I love being a housewife. I love cooking, cleaning, sewing and yes, even ironing. Like I said, it's my fifth wedding anniversary today and nothing makes my heart smile more than having a lovely home, taking care of my husband and my (outside) birds. Being the bosses wife is great!
I realize that many women can't afford to stay home and I have the greatest appreciation for working women, especially those who juggle a family at the same time.
I've gotten a lot of snark from working women who think it's odd that I love being a housewife. Jeffery can cook, clean and sew as well as I can. It is his job to make big hulking chunks of money and it is my job to make sure that he is hap, hap, happy. It's a win/win.
And I appreciate that you appreciate us, Barb. Fortunately, my husband can cook, clean, do laundry and run a chainsaw with the best of them. And he's hawt doing all of it.
It's nice to be allowed to fill our niches as we wish. (Mine is making money and setting fire to everything he cuts down.)
Yeah Baby, I love your attitude!
I built Grillzilla, yet I don't BBQ. That's Jeff's job. Damn thing weighed 220 lbs and took me two days to assemble.
Wow, a man that is REALLY hot!
I was under the impression that it's about doing what you want versus a woman's "proper" role.
Happy Fifth, Barb!
Here's to Mr. Jeff treating you like the lovely woman you are when the lights go out!
Love ya, Fare. Thanks!
For any couple, it really should be about what works for them; there is no one size fits all for relationships, and the idiocy of people like this guy comes from insisting what (might) works for him should work for everybody else.
Also too, happy anniversary.
Isn't that what choice is all about? If that's what makes you happy, then do it and more power to you. I liked to wait on my wife hand and foot, and she liked it too.
A very happy fifth, and many more with the lovely Mr.Barb, aka Jeffer.
Happy Vth and all, Barb, but do you have a sister? You know, for humorous, thoughtful, razor-like quick-witted comments?
My husband folds laundry better than I do. I leave him to it. He pretends he's working at Gap when he folds sweaters. It's a sick little fantasy and I want no part of it.
My best friend from college said that when she got married, she was only going to do one chore — waxing the floors — and the only reason she was going to bother with that is so that she could slide into the bedroom faster.
Ha!
Just watch out for that intercom!
Does he look like a cross between Tom Ridge (face) and Blago (hair)?
Yes, a smarmy Tom Ridge. What's the homeland emergency color for douchey tweets? Off-yellow? Puss puce? I-surrender-white?
Yes, and a little Pee-Wee Herman, too
I thinking more a Sopranos audition reject, myself.
My gaydar just melted.
It's "lady in the street but a freak in the bed," you twit.
Frankly I'm quite the fan of "butch on the streets, bitch in the sheets."
That's my fave too.
I'm pretty sure it's "Lady in the streets, a freak in the sheets"
I was quoting the inestimable Luda. Regardless of how it is put, I'd much rather keep my man happy by being secretly freakish than by demanding cash for sex.
Bill O'Reilly's favorite musician.
I'm just glad Loofah and Luda rhyme with each other,
Phil Mitch = HUGE DOUCHE!
To be fair, his wife is a whore in the bedroom…
…
… just not his.
Note: save some money, she has coupons in this Sunday's paper.
BOOM.
Which one gave you a quarter, honey?
Talk about whoring for an "all of them Katie" response…
Some days you get the straight man and some days the straight man gets you.
Saweeeeet!
Maybe he was just re-tweeting a link to a Cosmo article.
Yeah, like his tweet about crossing your eyes and wearing your blouse open to the navel.
Toupee or plugs, you make the call.
My money's on skinned ferret.
Whore-rific dye job, too, also.
Shoe polish, perhaps?
(See also above comment about hair dye dripping on you when he gets sweaty. Ewwwwww.)
Hairpiece.
Pronounced, "herpes".
Jesus fuck. Is there any GOP politician that isn't an unmitigated asshole or weapons-grade stupid?
That Juan Huntsville guy from Utah or China or whatever…he actually seems okay, the less you see of him. Good hair, anyway.
Among the living?
I suspect the first was the last. And they shot him.
The last good public servant of the GOP was Tom McCall. A bodhisattva.
Governor Ralph Carr of CO.
Jesus fuck. Is there any GOP politician that isn't an unmitigated asshole AND weapons-grade stupid?
fixed.
No.
Next question.
"That shows the utmost respect for women" is the new "not intended to be a factual statement."
Women on the other hand, want three animals in their lives:
A Tiger in bed
A Jaguar in the garage
and A Jackass like Phil to pay for it all.
Shoe’s on the other foot, dummy.
Oh, Jersey, the schaden DOES freude itself.
That hair!
My eyes!
(He should pair up with Wayne Newton.)
I didn't know Satan created a hybrid of Wayne Newton and Roger Miller. How's his singing?
"How's his singing?"
I can't imagine how it could be worse than his talking.
Well, if Ron Paul is ever running short on eyebrows again, I know who he can call.
And yet again, Wonkette has provided me another name to add to my "Do Not Respond to His eHarmony Winks" list. Thank you!
Hey, I thought that was just me!
Yeah, right — eharmony!
He's a craigslist guy if I ever saw one.
Don't miss the embroidered monogram on the French cuff. Suav-vay. I'd cast Alan Cumming in the movie.
I noticed the other day that Wally World had monogramed bathroom hand towells for a $1…
As he was in Circle of Friends or X-men?
As he is in The Good Wife, playing a cut-throat political operative. Except in my movie he'll have to do a Jersey accent rather than Midwest and be way smarmier. But he can do it. See pic: http://www.deadline.com/2011/04/alan-cumming-to-c...
That pic is definitely the "biggest head on a dick" shot I've seen today.
I was staring at that picture trying to figure out if he has one leg or if he has no legs and a giant dick. I think you've got it, though. Thanks, that was really bugging me.
Man. Gilbert Gottfried has gone absolutely to shit since Aflac canned his ducky ass.
Great advice Phil Gingrich.
I didn't even know Sarkozy had a step-brother, much less one that's actually uglier than he is.
Sarkozy? Don't you mean Silvio Berlusconi?
Yeah, his cousin Vinny Sarkozy. Bad-a-bing!
Called her a two bit whore and she hit him with her bag of quarters.
BADUM-TSSSSH!
(Is it just me, or does his picture make your skin crawl, too?)
Wow, not only is he a fine physical specimen but his personality is totally charming, too!
Yo…Suave Bola…even Snooky is saying shut the fuck up.
Yet more excellent news for John McCain!
~
With a mug like that, I'm sure the only way he gets the ladies is pay, pay, pay BIG. Also, nice dye job.
For someone so obviously clueless about women, he sure is one helluva cunt.
I can practically smell the Drakkar Noir oozing out of his tweets.
I can practically smell the
Drakkar NoirBrut oozing out of his tweets.BOOM.
I'd have guessed Hai Karate.
Axe Body Spray
Right Guard.
And don't forget the Scope.
As long as it's not his teets.
I am thinking Jade East or Brut.
He was half right: the key to a successful marriage for politicians is having a woman who is a lady in the front room and a whore in the bedroom… and making sure they never meet each other.
And….scene.
A lady on the street, a freak in the sheets.
What's wrong with that?
See she makes her own money, pays her own bills.
Always stays fly, keeps it so real…
This primary season it seems things on the Repug side are not going so well, and we all know what happens next….
♪♫ Isn't it rich,
It must be a dare?
The Rs polls hard on the ground,
It's so fricking rare.
Send in the clowns ♫♪
I didn't know you could get day-glo black hair dye.
It's in a little jar marked "Kiwi Edge Dressing."
He bought it at the same store where Jonah Goldberg buys his.
It's become very popular thanks to the vampire craze. I mean, seriously, all he needs is a cape and fangs.
What the F is this guy doing running for any office anywhere?
Probably committed some crimes in Rhode Island and wants to take the heat off for a while.
He's a "retired" real estate broker. In NJ they all end up running for or from something.
Somewhere in New Jersey there is a used car lot without a salesman. I would think that with the smooth delivery and rugged good looks this guy should have made a great deal more money in the used car biz than he ever could in politics. It's like watching a kid with the talent of a Willie Mays working the counter at Burger King. This guy truly has missed his calling. It's almost an insult to nature that he is in politics, he really should be selling late model pre-owned automobiles to a grateful public.
Used car salesman? I don't know, I see him as more of a promoter for "Co-Ed Bikini Mudwrestling – You Won't Believe What Comes Off When These Ladies Get Down! Tuesday and Wednesday only at the Mo-zee-on Inn off the Garden State Parkway. Ladies drink for half price until 11 pm. Truckers Welcome!"
The Herb Tarlek is strong in this one.
And here I was thinking Carpet World.
Let's see him "dial back the mileage" on this issue.
Please have Ludacris primary this man.
Herman Cain must be literally throwing things at his campaign team for not having come up with that "Pay, play and get the F-away" thing first.
Nine sex acts with up to nine hookers for only $999
I'll one up y'all, Mitsch, I like my wiminz to be politicians in the bedroom….YO.
Who's the corporate Chia pet ?
To be fair, Wink Martindale here also says "that men should…be a stud in the bedroom." From the way he's holding his left hand in the picture (monogrammed cuff links, really?), my guess is that he's spent many a night standing stud. If by "standing stud" you mean "occupying the bottom bunk" at the dude ranch.
The only stud in this ass clown's bedroom are the 2 X 4's in the walls.
All these years I've been a whore in the living room and a lady in the bedroom. Does this mean I've been doing it wrong?
Do you have a mirrored ceiling and a waterbed in your living room? Plus some Perry Como on the hi-fi?
Perhaps I could come to your living room and conduct a check. This may take a while.
Yep.
there's a ramones song here somewhere.
but then again, it's a republican. so that goes without saying.
Cretin Hop?
"C'mon. Tipper, C'mon?"
also speaking as a chick with working parts, this kind of thing totally turns me on.
i tell you what.
You're harshing my fufie-crush with that kind of language.
<blushes>
"I have the utmost respect for women…except for the ones who are filthy sluts who need a good spanking. And they know who they are."
And if they don't, I have a list right here.
Phil Mitsch / Carl Paladino '12: keeping the douche in douchebaggery
I'd hit that. With a canoe paddle.
Girl, go all out and get yourself a baseball bat. Titanium or something.
Oh great. I just showed this to my girlfriend, and she said she'll never have sex again. Thanks, douchbag.
As Demetri Martin pointed out, "If you want to sound like a creep, just add the word 'ladies' to the end of things you say."
True that. One time this guy said, "Free mustache rides, ladies" to a friend and me, and it was super creepy.
"The Sox will be back next season, ladies."
Ew, you're right.
"Our organization has already built 6 hospitals and orphanages for the poor of Haiti, and they are now self-sustaining through the sales of artworks in the traditional styles that were almost lost forever…Ladies…"
Man, you're right – that one word, if properly accented, and delivered in a leering tone, has the power to creepify anything.
Edit: how do I close the italics? The html tags I'm accustomed to, and natural variations, aren't working
< then / then i then >
… ladies
Thanks. I was trying that, but it wasn't working. I'll make some test posts on a dormant thread tomorrow. Nice to know that there isn't something I was supposed to be doing that I wasn't doing
You probly had an extra unclosed HTML tag in there somewhere.
Heh heh…he said "extra unclosed HTML tag".
We're setting up shelters for abused women, ladies.
Wait, I thought the rhyme was "a lady in the streets and a manwhore in the bathroom of the Minneapolis International Airport?"
I guffawed all the way thru the comments…then read the alt text FTW
Mitch- don't talk like that in fronna cunt.
'Ey! Meadow Soprano! Over heah! You want me. You know you do. Badabing. Oh yeah, vote for me and my "Family" values.
That pose, those hands "breaking" just so, the hair. A fine sign of an "incubated' person
OT: Herman Cain says "stupid people are ruining America."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N3-j3HM7-A
In other news, the National Academy of Irony exploded today.
Silly Dok-Dok, you know Republicans don't do irony.
Why must people always be getting down on Herman Cain when he's speaking truth?!?
The National Academy of Irony? I guess a non-profit does grow in Brooklyn.
What is beyond skeevy?
Skeevy in skivvies…ladies
A deeck or a cleet?
Are we sure this is not just a new character by Stuart Daniel Baker (Unknown Hinson)?
http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k123/lostdogg_2...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unknown_Hinson
That hair is positively otherworldly. Is that shit spray-painted on? And eyebrows to match and a ghastly pallor like Guido the Dracula.
i thought Andrew Dice Clay was dead.
No, just his career, that's been dead since 1991 or so.
Insufficiently so, apparently.
Do we have Bunga Bunga stateside now?
Wasn't Bunga Bunga the name of the Sopranos strip club in… wait for it… New Jersey?
(I keed. I keed.)
I'm sorry, but what the fuck is this guy trying to prove with this photo? Do people in Jersey actually vote for guys in Liberace drag?
That guy looks like the long lost love child of Wayne Newton and Oral Roberts.
Ay, chihuahua, I just noticed his suit is, in fact, pin-striped.
Pin-striped, pin-headed, tomato, toe-mah-to…
Sure, make fun of the guy, go ahead.
But he does have a replica of the Sidney Opera House as his breast pocket square. This is not an easy thing to fold.
If you could see the rest, it's actually a drawing of Bart Simpson.
Or fit in your breast pocket, even folded.
"Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?" — Phil Mitsch, International Man of Mystery.
Actual quote: "Do I make you horny, Rand?"
" …get the ‘F’ away.” Can't wait for that part…. Not just a face, but an entire being made for punching.
That fuckin' guy looks like MEGA-MIND.
It might be because it's Bela Lugosi's birthday, but this guy looks like a vampire to me. Notice the pocket square, it looks like fangs. I'll volunteer to smack him in the head with a crucifix to test this theory.
I'll hold him.
Make sure it's a life-sized crucifix.
OK Phil – let's get started.
Oh baby.
Oh yeah.
More baby more.
(looks at watch)
Yes.
Yes.
(suppresses yawn)
Oh yeah – you're the king.
OK – see you next week.
I looked at that guys hair, and now I can't stop humming MacArthur Park.
When looking at his picture, nothing comes to mind other than "dishonest limp-wristed pantywaist," but I guess that's enough.
Family values in action, he's the only true social conservative.
He's very smart. I can't think of a better explanation for when he is eventually caught with a hooker. I mean it would be so much worse if he started out with all of that Family Values crap, like every other Republican.
Needz moar Snooki smooshing or something.
Coitus denial will get you more points in the Grantland Reality TV Fantasy League, though.
cripes,these guys,
and they couldn't shoot Quadaffi fast enough.
I wonder if Mrs. Mitsch has resigned herself to the Hitachi Magic Wand in lieu of Mr. Mitsch ever being able to get his cocktail weenie in further than quarter of an inch?
He looks like the reincarnation of Mr. Blackwell.
Frankly this is good advice and nothing has to be sexist about it. Of course, saying this as a politician and not expecting some whiplash would be stupid.
Thank you, thank you, everyone, this is MY legislative district. I am so fucked.
As a compassionate person I think it is so sad that Mr. Mitsch thinks this picture of himself is a Good Thing. I guess no one has had the heart to tip him off.
Very lifelike for a ventriloquist's dummy. And funny too. Is this a new HBO show?
If he were a "stud" in the bedroom, he probably wouldn't have to hand out "relationship tips" to women who don't know him from a adam.
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