Damaged-goods dingbat Sarah Palin is so unpopular and forgotten these days that only Florida’s state GOP wants her around, at a trade-show rubber-chicken dinner, at Disneyworld. Palin has apparently accepted an offer to jabber for a few minutes in exchange for a platter of convention food and a bag of soiled dollar bills. But she’s not even the Star Attraction! According to the event’s flyer, printed out in Microsoft Word by a temp employee, evil cue-ball Rick Scott and one of his fake minions (“chairman Lenny Curry,” sure) are the actual headliners.
“This gala dinner comes just a year before one of the most important elections in Florida and the nation’s history,” said RPOF Chairman Lenny Curry. “Having a Republican leader of Governor Palin’s stature and importance is yet again proof of the crucial role Florida will play as the year unfolds. We are so grateful that Governor Palin has accepted our invitation.”
“So grateful,” meaning, “Herman Cain wanted two hundred dollars.” [Tampa Bay]
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a trade-show chickenhead dinner? sounds about right.
You know who else doesn't have a leg to stand on?
Paul McCartney's ex, Heather Mills?
Col. Muammar Khilled-affy?
Lt Dan?
Certainly not Bristol — that pair of enormous, galumphing gams could carry the whole snowbilly family.
Ponygirl!
Didn't Galumphing Gams open for Hank Williams Jr. last year?
This specific pair of Galumphing Gams has opened for lots of guys. I have no proof that Bocephus was not among them.
Please permit me to correct a small error in spelling:
Bucephalus not Bocephus.
You're welcome.
Machine-gun-leg chick in Grindhouse?
Damn, you're just as sick and twisted as me. You SURE we're not related?
Well, no one's ever accused me of fathering their illegitimate child, but after 30+ year of spraying my seed around the planet, I suppose there could be a couple-three out there. You're not half-Filipino, are you? With a heavy beard and an unnatural thirst for booze?
No, not half-Pinoy, but definitely possessed of an unnatural thirst for booze, which is ludicrous given that no one in my family all the way back seventeen generations ever touched the stuff. I'll attribute it to mischance, then.
Ron Kovic?
Long John Silver?
Red Lobster?
The waitress at IHOP?
Eileen?
(Rim shot)
Me. It's true.
Well, OK, I have the one.
I hope that's snark, PO'D. . .how's it these days?
Only somewhat, widestance. The knee's titanium. I'm resisting having the Other Knee replaced, since the nerves never quite grow back right, making your reflexes sort of iffy. This means you fall on your ass more often, something I finally outgrew after a drunken yoof only to find my old age becoming equally undignified, feh.
And how's by you, guero?
ZOMG! I'm so sorry to hear that! He's all better, I hope? Or recovering in your loving arms? What a fucking life. Chicken soup with lots of ginger and hot ginger tea with honey. Nothing like ginger for getting rid of congestion, said my grandmother, and she finally popped her clogs at age 96, so I figure she knew what she was talking about.
The coffee table in Joe Walsh's bachelor pad currently propped up by a milk crate?
Long John Silver?
Snakes?
Total WIN.
And I am SO pissed that I didn't think of it first.
Jasper Beardly?
The unfortunate rubber chickens who are on the menu for this unhappy "dinner".
Well, yah, NOW. They were fine till these greedbags came for their legs.
Eileen?
the Bush jr tax cuts
Okay, now they have Dopey, where are the other dwarfs?
They are all over at the new dwarf tossing ride.
In the Florida Legislature?
Last seen on stage at the Venetian in Vegas.
HA!, there's only four alive today!
"…yet again proof of the crucial role Florida will play as the year unfolds."
There's still time to breed enough alligators to chew "America's Wang" off from the mainland, and let the whole thing slide towards Bermuda.
That's the kind of comment that makes me cross my legs pre-emptively.
Sploosh!
You're making me hot with talk like that.
Does she play the Wicked Witch from the north?
What a Mickey Mouse Cunt, she is!
Can Palin see Cuba from her room?
Shit – she can see the whole small world from her room.
Wasn't Disney supposed to be librul?
RiPOFf
sometimes, these things just write themselves
Can they please stop calling her Governor Palin? She quit. Remember?
Even when they don't quit- I haven't seen "governor" used as the title for any number of former governors who completed their terms.
Well, you sometimes see "Former Governor Joe Blow". But with Sarah, my suspicion is her clueless minions think she still is governor.
Worst puppet show ever.
Tick, tick, tick, tick…………………………..
Is this like when Spinal Tap played their Jazz improvization set at Six Flags?
To be fair, the puppet show was quite entertaining.
Unquestionably deserved top billing.
They should've got the bigger dressing room.
"I told you to bill us before the Puppet Show!"
Ah, yesm "Jazz Odyssey." And they weren't even the bloody f*#in' headliners!
15 MIN OF FAME IS UP LIBEL!!!!!!!
This is good news for vacationing 53%ers. They have a chance to ride Dumbo.
The ride is called "The Glenn Rice Experience".
Too bad Erick Erickson and most conservatards will fail the dick length check at the entrance.
The signs for that would be a real hoot, "You must be this girthy and lengthy to ride Dumbo" I wonder if they would have a photo op like spash mountain to go with it (Picture of purple faced 300 pounder slamming away at Grifter's behind with one hand on the small of her back and one giving a big thumbs up to the guy in the Goofy suit with the camera)
That's what Todd said.
Ride Dumbo? I thought that was Bristol's job.
I thought that was Levi's job?
All of them, Katie! And a mechanical bull, also, too.
Zing!
About time for her to start a music career. That should put an end to this foolishness.
The thought of her and Herb performing duets is enough to make me ram a pair of chopsticks through my ears.
Her voice would blend well with some of Yoko's early works.
Maybe we'll see her on next season's "Ripping Off The Stars".
Two words. Playboy pictorial.
It's the only logical next step for her career.
And there is only one way Bristol could deal with that!
Republican Party of Florida = Ripoff ?!
[Yasser beat me to it!!]
yes florida that is just the type of mega star power that proves to the nation you are not to be laughed off as a mickey mouse state
Whichever way you slice it or dice it, it is and will always remain a fuckin' swamp, peopled by fat, old, burmese pythons, crocs, 'gators and republicans
Hey, that's four species of reptiles right there!
And one extremely ugly shoe.
RPOF? I think they're missing an 'i' and another 'p'.
“Having a Republican leader of Governor Palin’s stature and importance is yet again proof that Florida is meandering through history without purpose or direction, listening to the incoherent advice of simpleminded hacks and grabbing at anything shiny by the side of the road in a vain attempt to extract meaning from it."
Oooo, squirrel!
The other news is that odious Rick Scott is so unpopular he can't get anyone with actual stature and importance to support him, the best he can do is the half-term has-been.
I also like 'half-term halfwit'.
Next stop, she shills for a timeshare development
In Branson.
Or reverse mortgages.
The dinner will be held at the Fantasyland area of the park.
Just so long as it's not Tomorrowland.
What's the difference between a Hockey Mom and Goofy's wife? There is no difference, they are both fucking Goofy.
No, it goes like this:
Why did Mickey divorce Minnie?
How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
(sorry, unrelated but somehow it just fit).
What's the difference between a Hockey Mom and Pluto? Both were once classified as being much more important than they are.
"Sarah Palin Reduced To Hosting Dinners At Disneyworld" Her next move? Serving dinners at Disneyworld.
Begging for food outside of Disneyworld.
Having to work at Disneyland.
I was thinkin Hooters.
What's the difference between a Hockey Mom and Pluto?
1. A dog will eventually stop whining.
2. Well they're both dense and frigid, but unfortunately Pluto's farther away.
3. The planet has a higher IQ.
Plus Bristol can whore her book at the nearby Walmart.
Is that what Bristol's calling her ladybits now?
The difference is, I like to bury myself in a good book sometimes. Bristle's…."book"….not so much (although it's probably the only "book" Levi ever buried his head in)
Walmart has admitted fewer people.
And Sarah can bang a black man in the land of enchantment.
Let's send a few boxes of her book to the troops in Afghanistan. I hear they appreciate (the BTU content of) that kind of reading material over there.
How will they tell her apart from any of the other cartoon characters?
No worries…there are a few wicked witches.
The others will be wearing less makeup.
The cartoon characters are *intentionally* silly, childish, and ridiculous?
Goofy says "a-hyuk!" less?
Watch out, Disney furries. That bitch is fucking Goofy.
I won't be happy until the headline reads, "Palin hired has new greeter at Wasilla WalMart".
Shortly to be followed by, "Former AK Governor arrested at area WalMart for solicitation"
More likely shoplifting.
Could be…could be. Sarah still reminds me of the tired old pros who walked up an down in front of my employer's shop on Nebraska Ave in Tampa.
"Police forced to put down escaped former AK Governor after keeper commits suicide"
Lemon Curry?
It's what you make when life hands you lemons.
If life hands you melons, you are probably dyslexic.
Not very good for curry, also. Unless they're kugua (bitter melon).
Next stop, she'll do a "round-the- world" for you for $250. You are gonna want to catch her in the early part of this phase of her career, though. For a grand, you could probably get a three-way with her and Bristol.
She raised her price??!
I might do Bristol for a grand, but if I gotta do Bible Spice, too, I'm gonna hold out for at least five figures.
Heyyy. I see what you did there.
I believe this dinner will be free… but they'll be charging $1000 a head to leave.
Hahaha, because that's where you make the REAL munnies.
True story.
Knew a couple that made a trip to the Bakker's Xtian Amusement Park. When they went inside the theatre to watch the taping of 700 Club, the ushers locked the doors and Jim Bakker came out on stage and told the audience that the doors would not be unlocked until they had collected 50,000 dollars from the audience. Every time the collection plates where returned to the front, the take was counted and this continued for four long hours until the 50,000 was raised.
Once the doors were unlocked, the majority of the people went back to their hotel rooms, packed their stuff and bee lined out of the parking lot.
For the love of God, don't tell this story to Citibank!
That story scared the crap out of me. I think I'll use it this Holloween when it's my turn to share something seasonally appropriate. Hope you don't mind.
They needed someone who would make Rick Scott look competent and likable in comparison. They went with the obvious choice.
Right. Manson is detained and Attila is dead.
Funny, I always had Lenny pegged as a Tikka Masala guy; you just never know.
Rogan josh. You can tell from the inch-thick layer of grease on him.
Any bets that Mooselini will leave before the dessert cart comes around?
If the planners are smart, they'll wait until the end of the event to hand out the gift bags.
Vegas is giving even odds whether she even shows up.
She certainly won't stay longer than halfway through the dinner. That's her MO.
What a dilemna. On one hand, she's a grifter, and a grifter never leaves before procuring the full benefit of the dinner (i.e. dessert). On the other hand, she's a quitter.
To grift or not to grift. That is the question.
First General Jackson, now this. Haven't Floridans suffered enough?
No. No, they haven't. I still want to personally hunt down and strangle each one that voted for Nader in 2000.
Also every single skank responsible for the hanging chads.
There was something like 50,000 Nader votes, Gore would have won it pulling away.
And then there was the Backstabbing of the Lieberman. Eight years as all our pensions, investments, savings, and homes swirled around the terlet, and a codpiece-sporting dickbrain shit all over what was left.
Wait…I thought Dizneewurld was off limits because they like the gheys. Did I miss a memo?
Fucking Florida, how does it work?
~
Um, not very well?
Douche bags come in douche bags go out, you can't explain it.
Brilliant!
How'd it get there? Who put it there? … and more importantly, Why the fuck did they leave it there?
Cubans come in, Oldz check out. Never a missed comunicación.
It's nice that we're hearing less and less about this cooze
(this comment is 100% snark free)
Argh. I shall forever think of her as The Oozing Cooze, now.
She's also auditioning for 4th ghost from the left in the "Haunted (Governor's) Mansion" ride.
The trade-show chickenhead dinner: just another rest stop before the Bridge to Nowhere's final destination is reached.
Everybody loves ping-pong ball tricks!
Can she cut a bannana with it?
You been to the Philippines?!
No, but I listen to Doug Stanhope.
I want to see her sign her name…
I vote to give Florida back to Spain. That should settle this.
Oh, you think the Spanish want to deal with the gusanos in FL?
Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the skankiest grifter of all?
Mooselini has her eye on the booth next to Pete Rose on the Memorabilia Circuit.
I once saw Pete sitting all by himself in the memorabilia store in the Forum Shops in Vegas, all by himself. I mean, just all completely all by himself, ignored by one and all, even the store employees. I sure do hope thats how she ends up.
Dear Diary: Griftin' around the Flodrida today, pickin' up some easy cash and lookin' for that fountain of youth that some ole Mexican discovered. Wisht I coulda shot me a couple a them Ohio tigers from my bus. Also.
The joke's on her, the plan is to permanently install her robotic ass next to animatronic Lincoln, so as to add more screeching to the Hall of President's exhibit.
Here's a Not Safe For Work preview…
Gee, thanks, mrblifil, I'll be right back. Honest.
Sarah's next gig is going to be Master of Ceremonies, introducing REO Speedwagon and Cheap Trick to the crowd at the South Dakota State Fair in Pierre next spring.
Do not be badmouthing Cheap Trick like that.
.38 Special, yes, but never Cheap Trick.
Not Cheap Trick, they aren't that bad off yet, still have That 70's Show money. Maybe Foghat.
They're still around? *wiki* My god, they are. And touring as described! http://www.foghat.net/tour.htm
My first concert in the USA was Foghat, with Black Oak Arkansas, plus Ruby Starr and Grey Ghost (BOA knock-off). You'd think Slow Ride would give them enough royalties to retire…
That sounds horrifying, like losing your virginity to Meat Loaf or something.
Scarred me for life.
Can't be as good since Dave Peverett died.
"Maybe Foghat."
"Put your one hay-und on a rock,
put your other hay-und on a roll,
And say Hallelujah!"
Palin footnote…..according to his wiki…
[Glen] Rice has taken up MMA fight promotion as owner and head of G-Force Fights, based out of Miami, Florida.
"G-Force Fights"
Snort, snort!
What is he? 12?
Sarah says 9.
And Herman says 9-9-9
Devolving her way down to the rotary chicken dinner circuit and finally at the end, puppet shows at the local church or nursing home. The career plummet is getting steeper, before that last gentle glide into complete obscurity. Bon Voyage Snowbilly! Happy Landings!
There's even a concession!
Your photo with Sarah Palin = $100
Your photo WITHOUT Sarah Palin = $250
Chicken night in Turkey.
They have Lenny Curry… but where's Moe… and Shemp? Forget about that Curly Joe guy though… he was weird.
Rick, Sarah…
Walt Disney World and The Villages are not the same thing. I realize that it can be hard to tell the difference sometimes.
Rick Scott and Sarah Palin. The former has too much money to ever land in jail in spite of his criminality, the former is also home free: seems she can't even get arrested nowadays. Regardless, great pairing.
Wasn't one of the most important elections in our nation's history in 2008?
I never noticed the Bespectacled Colostomy Bag is holding a newspaper in that poolside foto. You don't suppose….?
Nah. Prolly just for the chicken bones.
"…a Republican leader of Governor Palin’s stature and importance…"
Where I'm from, that's called sarcasm.
“ 'This gala dinner comes just a year before one of the most important elections in Florida and the nation’s history,' said RPOF Chairman Lenny Curry. 'Having a Republican leader of Governor Palin’s stature and importance is yet again proof of the crucial role Florida will play as the year unfolds. We are so grateful that Governor Palin has accepted our invitation.' "
Good Lord, I need a 6-pack of paper towels to clean up the sarcasm dripping from that.
LEMMY is gonna be there?!?!
Oh… Lenny… nevermind…
Actually, this is wholly appropriate, because Walt Disney, although fun for kids, was pretty right-wing.
I think I was the only kid who grew up hating Walt Disney.
But I was always weird.
Its time for the Spinal Tap crew to do a mocumentary based on the Snowbilly Grifter, her career arc is too much resembling Spinal Tap right now, this gig being the equivalent of the Spinal Tap gig at the Air Force base. They would kill, just kill, with this stuff. Think Anna Faris as Palin (Tina Fey is just not going to have the range for this schizo-beast, she only plays herself). For Tawd, I see Kevin Spacy. Just trust me.
Tina Fey is the greek female Woodie Allen. Meh; I am underwhelmed. Had to get that off my chest.
So, how soon can you get it set up, prommie?
Is Disney having a Quitter Night?
Florida or Alaska in January, even the Twittering Quitter (TM) can handle that one.
I had the Mad Hatter bother us last time I had a meal at Disney World. Same diff.
She's gonna be pissed when she goes to Animal Kingdom and Jesus isn't riding the carnosaur.
She could check out the creation museum in KY. They have that.
“This gala dinner comes just
a year before onejust in time for the Alaskan grift-quitter to cancel at the last minute." – Fixed.Tomorrowland is a good place. I hope Sarah goes and sees it.
RPOF Chairman Lenny Curry
Make that ROTFL Chairman Lenny and it might make sense.
So her migration from Wasilla to Orlando could be called continental grift, amirite?
i hope they make her ride the 'small world' thingee over and over.
OT – cue the insane yelling and screaming!!
We just had another earthquake in San Francisco!! It's hard to type when your office chair is bouncing across the floor with you still in it.
http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsu…
For sure! I'm 26 floors up and nearly pissed my pants during it.
I felt it out in my office in Benicia. Got a GOOD shake from the aftershock when I finally got home. Will be sleeping with keys in pocket tonight!
You guys! It was a lousy 3.9! Time was when people didn't even bother complaining until it hit, like, a 5!
Although I'm glad I put earthquake bracing on the bookshelves by the bed — all kinds of stuff went flying everywhere, but the really heavy books stayed safely ABOVE our heads, not ON them. Thankyewjeebus.
RPOF? Rpof? Was he the guy between Yuri Andropov and Constantin Chernenko in the USSR's Late Post-Classical Era?
Scott has outgrifted Palin many times over. Of course, to be fair, she hasn't tried Medicare fraud yet.
Apparently the word "gala" has a different meaning than it used to.
You know, I knew this day would come and I was looking forward to it, dearly. But now that it's arrived, if just feels like pulling out a 1 week old festering splinter: a kind of eye-watering relief that still holds a ghostly agony of memory.
Her fame may have been fleeting, but at the Republican convention when she was nominated, when she came out and sneered, "The difference between a community organizer and myself as Mayor of Wasallah is that I had some respnsibilities," she set the tone for the next four years. Ever since that moment, a certain magical Unicorn has gotten no respect whatsoever. So say whatever you want about her, she set it all into motion with her jr. high school mean girl sarcasm.
"respnsibilities"? Yep, that's our endtimes queen! Never a word she didn't misspell or misunderstand.
Finger licking good Cheetos AND crotch shot! When will the poster be available?
She's going to play Bachman.
The Bucephalus trematode worm's
Parasitic, my textbook confirms.
It lives as a pest in
A fish's intestine,
Surrounded, I'm guessing, by germs.
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