the crazies

Alabama Christian Doesn’t Care To Read The Word ‘Mexican’ In Her Paper

Oh come on, who could be afraid of this Mexican?Given the medieval new anti-furriner laws in Alabama criminalizing even the air that circulates complacently through an illegal immigrant’s lungs, it is maybe not surprising that some of Alabama’s more boneheaded fearful legal citizens are afraid the Thought Police (Jesus?) will come after them for so much as thinking that some of its brown people continue to exist, somewhere. It is otherwise very difficult to explain one woman who indignantly requested the cancellation of her new alt-weekly paper Weld for Birmingham because, she explained, she as a Christian was offended over the fact that they printed the word “Mexican” in its pages.

The recently-launched paper printed an interview with Gustavo Arellano, the writer behind the much-beloved syndicated satirical “Ask a Mexican” column, which it also runs each week. Shortly after the interview appeared, a woman called in to request the paper be removed from her shop. Reporter Madison Underwood sought to find out why and reported back to Arellano in a hilarious/sad email on the findings:

This week, Weld got a voicemail from a lady at an America’s Thrift Store location that receives our papers. The lady said they would like to stop receiving our paper because they’re a Christian organization, and though our first issue was pretty mild (our first issue was Sept. 1, so we’re still pretty new), recent issues have had a lot of editorial content they didn’t like.

Since our paper has not had any increase in the amount of editorial content, I figured maybe it was the fact that I quoted you using the words “fuck Alabama” in my interview with you. That, I think, was the first “fuck” in Weld.

So, we Welders were, of course, curious about what it was that set the lady and the Thrifters off. So we sent our brave intern Daniel to the America’s Thrift Store under the pretense of retrieving our paper rack, and we had him ask her what it was in Weld that pushed them over the edge.

She told Daniel that the word “Mexican” is offensive. Daniel asked if she meant the column, “Ask a Mexican,” and she said, yes, sort of, but that the word “Mexican” is offensive. Daniel explained that the author of the “Ask a Mexican” column is, in fact, a Mexican. (And though I don’t know if he explained this, I would note that when referring to Hispanic immigrant populations in my own immigration coverage, I’ve always used the word “Hispanic.”)

This did not seem to phase her.

Jesus is against Mexicans, who knew! [OC Weekly]

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    1. Chichikovovich

      Though it gets a pass if it crops up in Nailin' Palin I or II.

      For example:
      [But Glenn, you may be a great point guard, but I'm a good Christian woman./ Well pardon me while I whip this out…*]
      is acceptable.

      *Not, so far as I know, actual dialogue.

  1. Barb

    This is even bigger than the time that she appeared on the news, describing what the tornado sounded like when it blew through the trailer park. She looked quite snazzy in her homemade fur coat.

    1. Callyson

      She described how a tornado blows?
      Penthouse Forum is on the phone and wants to speak to her as soon as possible.

        1. Negropolis

          Funny you guys bring up Taco Bell, because remember when Alabama sued Taco Bell for claiming that it's beef was actual meat? lol Good times. They eventually settled, but I'll never forget it.

      1. OneDollarJuana

        And mean. So mean that I bet they're gonna get a big surprise when they see St. Peter locking the Pearly Gates as they arrive.

    1. Bonzos_Bed_Time

      True story: Gustavo looks nothing like his picture for the column.
      He's also the managing editor of OC Weekly and has a pretty cool book coming out as well: Taco USA

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    I find the term "White Christian American," and any combination thereof, very offensive. Please stop using these words, Kirsten.

    1. Not_So_Much

      Nobody wants to ask an empty-headed person anything. But "Shout at a Hillbilly Cracker" might get some takers.

    1. prommie

      No no, this lady is obviously a member of Polite Society, I believe the preferred term is "landscaper."

      1. Beowoof

        Well Carlos is a beaner but not a Mexican. I think that would almost make it worse for this woman.

  3. Dok-cupy Everything

    I, for one, will not subscribe to any publication that uses disgusting words like "moist."

    1. not that Dewey

      Dear Advertisers,

      I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. Number one: bra. Number two: horny. Number three: family jewels.

      Abe Simpson

  4. skoalrebel

    Well, fuck yeah! [spit] How can we secure the border if we let Mexicans in? And isn't letting a paper print the word 'Mexican' just another way of letting Mexicans in?

      1. OneDollarJuana

        Obama has also let them in. In the form of Mexican truckers. With no brakes and less-than-minimum wages.

  5. Allmighty_Manos

    "The lady said they would like to stop receiving our paper because they’re a Christian racist, KKK like organization" Cleared that up.

    1. writechic

      Hey! I'm right here (in Alabama), and I'm not a nut. I'm just surrounded by them. ;-) This is tame stuff from the online newspaper

      Good, Let's triple (deportations) here in Huntsville we have a lot of expired Visa holders we need to triple them in 2012 Alabama's new law will help ger rid of the welfare cockroaches.<em/>

  6. SorosBot

    Well I'm offended by the name Madison. Fuckin' yuppies; don't you realize that the whole joke was that the mermaid gave herself a name that was very obviously stupid and not a real name by just reading off the street sign? Then you all have to go along and saddle your daughters with a stupid fake name that was meant to be stupid in the movie you took it from.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Imagine what a contribution to racial harmony it would have been if the mermaid had only climbed out of the water at Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard.

    2. Pristine_ODummy

      Yeah, except now they're coming up with "creative variations" on a fake name: Maydysynne, Maddysun, and Biel_ze_bubba alone knows what else. Makayla, Makhenzi, and Madison: three of the most outrageous, egregious offenses against what passes for civilization in Amurrrkah.

  7. El Pinche

    Eh, white America has two more years tops before the Mescans take over. Catholic priests are coming for the white niños!

    1. SorosBot

      Well better than what the Catholic priests have been doing for centuries, coming in the white niños.

  8. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

    The Alabamaniacs almost certainly don't realize that Mr Arellano's hilarious column "¡Ask a Mexican!" (when properly punctuated) is a parody of American Hispanic stereotypes. His personal web site makes that quite clear.

    "Loving the Reconquista since 1492."

  9. EatsBabyDingos

    Probably didn't like the new Chi Chi's dish, "Mierda y Pendejo con Queso." Because she hates cheese.

  10. user-of-owls

    MEMO TO: Weld for Birmingham editorial staff
    SUBJECT: New style guidlelines

    Effectively immediately, staff is notified that the Weld will no longer be using the word, "Mexican" in our copy. Staff should instead substitute the phrase, "Seven Dollar Tomato."

  11. Pragmatist2

    I would like to see an "Ask an Alabaman" column but you'd need someone literate to write it. too bad.

    1. DebC2

      And since when does this bitch actually READ? You'd think the stank of ignorance
      wafting about her head would offend her, too. Also.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        "What was behind the door? Was it the Tiger? Or the War Eagle?"

        I love this Saturday's matchup, Tigers vs. Tigers.

  12. bureaucrap

    Wasn't there a movie called "Jesus vs. the Mexicans"?

    No, I'm sorry, it was called "Santa Claus vs. the Martians".

    Same thing, really.

  13. Dok-cupy Everything

    I believe that Sr. Arellano pretty much nailed it in his answer to this question:

    DEAR MEXICAN: What is it about the word "illegal" that Mexicans don't understand?

    DEAR GABACHO: Take your pick, D.G. Mexicans don't understand the word "illegal" because: (A) when paying their gardeners, nannies, busboys and factory workers in cash (and forgetting to withhold payroll taxes), U.S. employers don't seem to understand the word "illegal," so why should Mexicans?… (D) Whether they buy a fake passport or take a citizenship oath, Mexicans will never be more than wetbacks in the eyes of many Americans, so why bother applying for residency?

  14. JoshuaNorton

    she explained, she as a Christian was offended…

    When aren't those cornpone "Christians" offended? That would be a bigger story.

  15. Lucidamente1

    Someone should tell this nice lady that if she finds Weld for Birmingham offensive, she should spend her time reading that nice Christian website, in particular the comments section and the posts by that nice young man Ken Layne.

  16. JoshuaNorton

    Ever notice how you can substitute the word "Christian" with the word "Bigot" in most right-wing screeds and not change the meaning of what they're saying.

  17. slowhansolo

    Economic jealousy, in addition to good old fashioned racism. The Hispanic shops in the our little Pennsyltucky barrio are going gangbusters. Excellent taco shop on the square installs huge new facade, new kitchen, upscales seating area, etc., while the Xtian bookstore next door is open two days a week.

    1. Chichikovovich

      And oddly, if they were willing to stock Christian literature in Spanish, or Catholic literature at all, they would be making money hand over fist.

  18. SayItWithWookies

    Shit, lady, I'm annoyed by all manner of things — applied ignorance, casual references to The LORD where they're completely unnecessary (i.e. anywhere but dirty jokes and history books), Sam from the Verizon commercials, TV shows about psychics solving crimes, improper use of the conditional tense, and people who don't know the damn difference between insects and arachnids. But at least it's people's fuckin' behavior that bothers me, not freakin' facts.

    1. Ruhe

      But don't you understand that for some people the aura of associations they perceive around certain words is real!? It's called synesthesia and it's a gift from God.

  19. El Pinche

    It's a shame . I see the word "Christian" and I think of Fred Phelps, the KKK, and a white Ronnie Van Zant looking Jesus almost immediately. In reality, Jesus was a sun shriveled brown Jew who'd probably be spit on by a morbidly obese diabetes-ridden teabagger who could use a miracle.

      1. Barb

        Nope, he's dead. It's my fifth wedding anniversary and I didn't think this day could get any better until now.

  20. Jerri

    News flash, God-lady: if you're not offended by something at least once a day you're not really living in a free country.*

    Here's today's dose for good measure: you're a fucking pathetic rube with ham for brains.

    *Just go with it, okay?

  21. Ruhe

    This story demonstrates how Romney could ultimately win out over Perry by addressing the whole "is a Mormon a Christian" thing directly. Romney should come right out and say that Mormons are the real American Christians because they've been saved by American Jesus who reached out to us right on our home soil, the promised land and made us the new tribe. Mormon Jesus is a Jesus free of all that Hebrew weirdness and unmediated by any sort of eastern strangeness. It's like that Hobbit story where Gandalf comes back only here it's Jewish Jesus goes away and comes back all shiny white American Jesus. How can you be against that?

      1. Ruhe

        Well obviously the Christmastime Baby Jesus is latently America Jesus but becomes Jewish Jesus through having to live in that time. But when Christmastime Baby Jesus returns to the future from whence he came, the shining city on a hill, America, he becomes SuperAmerica Jesus.

  22. SorosBot

    Since just the word "Mexican" offended her, I guess she didn't look at the back end of the paper; being an alt-weekly it must be full of prostitute ads.

  23. Woodshedding

    Well she's RIGHT, you know!!! Can you name even one scripture where Our Lord used the term "Mexican?" I didn't think so.

    You people need to spend more time with your nose in a Bible and less time with it in the internet.

    1. Ruhe

      I'm trying to break the habit of going to places on the internet where I feel compelled to stick my nose in. One day at a time.

    1. proudgrampa

      Teresa Brewer is running for Vice President? I loved the Hula Hoop Song! What? Oh. She's dead. Never mind.

      1. LesBontemps

        Not necessarily a disqualifying characteristic. Corpse of Reagan/Inanimate Carbon Rod 2012!!!11!1!!

  24. SheriffRoscoe

    They should have offered to change the name of the column to something less offensive to Alabamans, like "Ask An Inbred Hick."

  25. thefrontpage

    Today, we are all Mexican Muslims in Alabama!

    Praise Allahbama!

    Sweet Home Allahbama!

    Sweet Home Allahbama!

    Rosaries?! We dun' need no stinkin' rosaries!

    That should offend the winguts for a while.

  26. BaldarTFlagass

    Oh Alabama
    Banjos playing
    through the broken glass
    Windows down in Alabama.
    See the old folks
    tied in white ropes
    Hear the banjo.
    Don't it take you down home?

    Alabama, you got
    the weight on your shoulders
    That's breaking your back.
    Your Cadillac
    has got a wheel in the ditch
    And a wheel on the track

    Oh Alabama.
    Can I see you
    and shake your hand.
    Make friends down in Alabama.
    I'm from a new land
    I come to you
    and see all this ruin
    What are you doing Alabama?
    You got the rest of the union
    to help you along
    What's going wrong?

    1. DahBoner

      The Seattle Weekly, at one time, had something like, Ask A White Guy, but I can't find it.

      The one I remember was someone asked why white people in Seattle were so polite to bus drivers, by thanking them, as they exited the bus….

  27. DahBoner

    " criminalizing even the air that circulates complacently through an illegal immigrant’s lungs"

    Sure. After all, who wants Second Hand Frijoles?

  28. proudgrampa

    When I see shit like this, sometimes i wish I could just stop the planet and get off (or throw assholes like Alabama lady off!).

  29. MistaEko

    That, I think, was the first “fuck” in Weld.

    With that kind of a streak, I'd probably hate everything, too.

  30. donner_froh

    How strange. Every guy named Jesus I have ever known (well, both of them) was from Mexico.

    On a side note it is shows up a lot in Major League Baseball: Ivan de Jesus, Jesus Delgado, Jesus Colme, Jesus Alou.

  31. gullywompr

    Niggerhead, however, is historically accurate, and an important part of southern heritage and culture.

    When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.

  32. Ancient_Hacker

    That used to be "faze", not "phase", but with the general illiteracy level rising, it labels one as an elitist old coot to point that out.

  33. owhatever

    It's a great day in Alabama! Run 'em all outta the state, sez us. And the poors, too. And all the blacks except those on the Alabama football team. They can't leave until after they win the national title.

  34. Poindexter718

    In all seriousness–and perhaps in all naivete too–isn't it possible she thinks the term "Mexican" is derogatory and was actually trying to be PC/a real Christian (i.e. nice, doesn't cast the first stone etc.)???
    Cuz in Texas, the rednecks generically call all latinos "Mexicans" and the more temperate folks frown on it…

    1. NellCote71

      No, they do not in Texas. They call them Meskins. Maybe the educated, both of them, say all the syllables but the not rest. And that is the polite term.

  35. GeorgiaBurning

    People who believe in "intelligent design" already have a tough time explaining Alabama; this just makes it worse.

  36. OldRedneck

    It's really true — when people move from Mississippi to Alabama, it raises the average IQ in both states.

  37. tessiee

    This dumb twat is all worked up over the very *word* "Mexican"?
    Shouldn't she be getting all worked up over the fact that it's only eleven days till Halloween?

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