THE CRAZIES  10:20 am October 20, 2011

Alabama Christian Doesn’t Care To Read The Word ‘Mexican’ In Her Paper

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Oh come on, who could be afraid of this Mexican?Given the medieval new anti-furriner laws in Alabama criminalizing even the air that circulates complacently through an illegal immigrant’s lungs, it is maybe not surprising that some of Alabama’s more boneheaded fearful legal citizens are afraid the Thought Police (Jesus?) will come after them for so much as thinking that some of its brown people continue to exist, somewhere. It is otherwise very difficult to explain one woman who indignantly requested the cancellation of her new alt-weekly paper Weld for Birmingham because, she explained, she as a Christian was offended over the fact that they printed the word “Mexican” in its pages.

The recently-launched paper printed an interview with Gustavo Arellano, the writer behind the much-beloved syndicated satirical “Ask a Mexican” column, which it also runs each week. Shortly after the interview appeared, a woman called in to request the paper be removed from her shop. Reporter Madison Underwood sought to find out why and reported back to Arellano in a hilarious/sad email on the findings:

This week, Weld got a voicemail from a lady at an America’s Thrift Store location that receives our papers. The lady said they would like to stop receiving our paper because they’re a Christian organization, and though our first issue was pretty mild (our first issue was Sept. 1, so we’re still pretty new), recent issues have had a lot of editorial content they didn’t like.

Since our paper has not had any increase in the amount of editorial content, I figured maybe it was the fact that I quoted you using the words “fuck Alabama” in my interview with you. That, I think, was the first “fuck” in Weld.

So, we Welders were, of course, curious about what it was that set the lady and the Thrifters off. So we sent our brave intern Daniel to the America’s Thrift Store under the pretense of retrieving our paper rack, and we had him ask her what it was in Weld that pushed them over the edge.

She told Daniel that the word “Mexican” is offensive. Daniel asked if she meant the column, “Ask a Mexican,” and she said, yes, sort of, but that the word “Mexican” is offensive. Daniel explained that the author of the “Ask a Mexican” column is, in fact, a Mexican. (And though I don’t know if he explained this, I would note that when referring to Hispanic immigrant populations in my own immigration coverage, I’ve always used the word “Hispanic.”)

This did not seem to phase her.

Jesus is against Mexicans, who knew! [OC Weekly]

 

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{ 228 comments }

GunToting[Redacted] October 20, 2011 at 10:21 am

Well, I don't like reading the word "Christian" on my porn-delivery system.

Chichikovovich October 20, 2011 at 10:42 am

Though it gets a pass if it crops up in Nailin' Palin I or II.

For example:
[But Glenn, you may be a great point guard, but I'm a good Christian woman./ Well pardon me while I whip this out...*]
is acceptable.

*Not, so far as I know, actual dialogue.

Omophagist October 20, 2011 at 11:04 am

Well if you don't like it, you can go mexican yourself, you dumb mothermexicaning, mexicanhole.

chicken_thief October 20, 2011 at 11:26 am

I'm with you, even if it is Christian Bale. Though Kirstin or Kristin are fine.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Christiane?

Arken October 20, 2011 at 11:35 am

I don't know, some of those so-called Christian ladies are crazy in bed…

Barb October 20, 2011 at 10:22 am

This is even bigger than the time that she appeared on the news, describing what the tornado sounded like when it blew through the trailer park. She looked quite snazzy in her homemade fur coat.

ThundercatHo October 20, 2011 at 11:30 am

Roadkill couture?

Terry October 20, 2011 at 12:54 pm

That was no coat…..

Callyson October 20, 2011 at 2:36 pm

She described how a tornado blows?
Penthouse Forum is on the phone and wants to speak to her as soon as possible.

BaldarTFlagass October 20, 2011 at 10:23 am

Fortunately for her, Taco Bell is not really Mexican food.

ManchuCandidate October 20, 2011 at 10:27 am

It's also not food.

jus_wonderin October 20, 2011 at 11:34 am

It could be a sawmill given that their beef tastes like sawdust.

Negropolis October 21, 2011 at 12:46 am

Funny you guys bring up Taco Bell, because remember when Alabama sued Taco Bell for claiming that it's beef was actual meat? lol Good times. They eventually settled, but I'll never forget it.

weejee October 20, 2011 at 10:24 am

The thrift shop lady has made a spictacle of herself.

Chillwaver October 20, 2011 at 10:25 am

But isn't "Alabama" a word in the Messican dictionary?

Btw, the “Ask a Mexican” column is hilarious.

Maman October 20, 2011 at 10:30 am

Choctaw, but all those brown people look alike.

proudgrampa October 20, 2011 at 11:46 am

One of my favorite columns in SLUG (Salt Lake Users Guide).

Chillwaver October 20, 2011 at 11:47 am

They allow this column in Gabacho Lake City???

SheriffRoscoe October 20, 2011 at 11:48 am

Christians are humorless.

OneDollarJuana October 20, 2011 at 11:52 am

And mean. So mean that I bet they're gonna get a big surprise when they see St. Peter locking the Pearly Gates as they arrive.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Last I heard, Biely was preparing a, um, red-hot-carpet welcome for them someplace further down.

RavenRant October 20, 2011 at 12:18 pm

She's "no true Christian."

James Michael Curley October 20, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Will he tell me who took my Nikonos when I was in Cancun in 1967?

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 20, 2011 at 1:06 pm

True story: Gustavo looks nothing like his picture for the column.
He's also the managing editor of OC Weekly and has a pretty cool book coming out as well: Taco USA

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Thank you! He's a wicked funny guy!

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 20, 2011 at 2:12 pm

…for a Mexican.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Dood!

102415 October 21, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Don't use that kind of language around here.

BaldarTFlagass October 20, 2011 at 10:25 am

I find the term "White Christian American," and any combination thereof, very offensive. Please stop using these words, Kirsten.

GuanoFaucet October 20, 2011 at 10:25 am

They should hire this lady for a new column, "Ask an Idiot Asshole."

freakishlywrong October 20, 2011 at 10:38 am

Or, "What would a hateful bigot do?"

Not_So_Much October 20, 2011 at 11:02 am

Nobody wants to ask an empty-headed person anything. But "Shout at a Hillbilly Cracker" might get some takers.

tessiee October 20, 2011 at 10:16 pm

HEY MAW!!! GIT OFF THE DANG ROOF!!

Pristine_ODummy October 21, 2011 at 1:05 am

I don't know why, but this made me LOL.

MittsHairHelmet October 20, 2011 at 10:25 am

I can't tell if she is offended by the word "Mexican" or the existence of Mexicans.

SorosBot October 20, 2011 at 10:27 am

Both.

BaldarTFlagass October 20, 2011 at 10:28 am

All of th…

fuck me.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Yeah, I couldn't get it up to snark either.

proudgrampa October 20, 2011 at 11:48 am

It could only be the word. She wouldn't know a Mexican if he/she ran over her with a Chevy.

BaldarTFlagass October 20, 2011 at 10:27 am

To which she added, "Taco-bender, beaner, wetback, greaser—those are all fine."

prommie October 20, 2011 at 10:32 am

No no, this lady is obviously a member of Polite Society, I believe the preferred term is "landscaper."

mavenmaven October 20, 2011 at 10:58 am

I would boycott the paper if it mentioned Carlos Mencia.

Beowoof October 20, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Well Carlos is a beaner but not a Mexican. I think that would almost make it worse for this woman.

GOPCrusher October 20, 2011 at 1:42 pm

The phrase "chili-choking pepper bellies" still gets a laugh every time I watch Up In Smoke.

ManchuCandidate October 20, 2011 at 10:27 am

I'm intelligent (allegedly) and I don't believe in Alabama.

proudgrampa October 20, 2011 at 11:49 am

Yeah, Alabama's gotta be from some alternate universe…

Dok-cupy Everything October 20, 2011 at 10:27 am

I, for one, will not subscribe to any publication that uses disgusting words like "moist."

ManchuCandidate October 20, 2011 at 10:29 am

Joy Lass?

prommie October 20, 2011 at 10:33 am

I find "throbbing," "quivering," and "pulsating" to be extremely offensive.

BaldarTFlagass October 20, 2011 at 10:48 am

And when you combine it with "…and waiting," the outrage-meter pegs.

not that Dewey October 20, 2011 at 10:55 am

Dear Advertisers,

I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. Number one: bra. Number two: horny. Number three: family jewels.

Abe Simpson

skoalrebel October 20, 2011 at 10:27 am

Well, fuck yeah! [spit] How can we secure the border if we let Mexicans in? And isn't letting a paper print the word 'Mexican' just another way of letting Mexicans in?

Dok-cupy Everything October 20, 2011 at 10:35 am

It's one of them magnets, like Michele was talkin' about.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Oh, yeah, Michele's Magnets. Silly me, I thought she was talking about her boobies.

Captain_Quark October 20, 2011 at 10:37 am

I see what you did there! You just let three more Mexicans in with that post.

Chet Kincaid October 20, 2011 at 11:22 am

Say "Mexican" three times and Pancho Villa will appear and shoot you in the face!!

chicken_thief October 20, 2011 at 11:31 am

Dick Cheney has Messican relatives?!

Chet Kincaid October 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Can you imagine Cheney dressed as Pancho Villa, riding around raising an army to "liberate" Wyoming?

yrbmegr October 20, 2011 at 2:54 pm

No, that's Mittens.

GOPCrusher October 20, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Badgers? Badgers? We don't need no steekin badgers!

OneDollarJuana October 20, 2011 at 11:54 am

Obama has also let them in. In the form of Mexican truckers. With no brakes and less-than-minimum wages.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 1:26 pm

I could have sworn that was G.W. Bush.

BarryOPotter October 20, 2011 at 2:55 pm

It was.

GOPCrusher October 20, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Welcome to Atzlan!

Allmighty_Manos October 20, 2011 at 10:27 am

"The lady said they would like to stop receiving our paper because they’re a Christian racist, KKK like organization" Cleared that up.

metamarcisf October 20, 2011 at 10:28 am

Please substitute "the help" for "mexican" in all future related Wonkette articles.

ThankYouJeebus October 20, 2011 at 10:48 am

Just don't eat the chocolate churros offered by 'the help' that you just fired.

Indiepalin October 20, 2011 at 10:52 am

You did what?!?!

GuanoFaucet October 20, 2011 at 10:29 am

Alabama: The land that the Flynn effect forgot.

writechic October 20, 2011 at 11:06 am

Hey! I'm right here (in Alabama), and I'm not a nut. I'm just surrounded by them. ;-) This is tame stuff from the online newspaper al.com:

Good, Let's triple (deportations) here in Huntsville we have a lot of expired Visa holders we need to triple them in 2012 Alabama's new law will help ger rid of the welfare cockroaches.<em/>

Biel_ze_Bubba October 20, 2011 at 11:29 pm

My Visa card expired a while ago. I'll have to remember not to carry it in Abalama.

SorosBot October 20, 2011 at 10:31 am

Well I'm offended by the name Madison. Fuckin' yuppies; don't you realize that the whole joke was that the mermaid gave herself a name that was very obviously stupid and not a real name by just reading off the street sign? Then you all have to go along and saddle your daughters with a stupid fake name that was meant to be stupid in the movie you took it from.

Chichikovovich October 20, 2011 at 10:48 am

Imagine what a contribution to racial harmony it would have been if the mermaid had only climbed out of the water at Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard.

not that Dewey October 20, 2011 at 10:56 am

Or Avenue X

Fare la Volpe October 20, 2011 at 11:04 am

Or Boner St. in Licking, OH.

Chichikovovich October 20, 2011 at 11:41 am

You too.

SorosBot October 20, 2011 at 11:44 am

Or she could have gone to either Intercourse or Blue Ball, PA.

Chichikovovich October 20, 2011 at 11:07 am

Damn, you're good.

Ruhe October 20, 2011 at 11:34 am

Huh. I thought that name was so popular because of that one porn star. Who knew.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Yeah, except now they're coming up with "creative variations" on a fake name: Maydysynne, Maddysun, and Biel_ze_bubba alone knows what else. Makayla, Makhenzi, and Madison: three of the most outrageous, egregious offenses against what passes for civilization in Amurrrkah.

NellCote71 October 20, 2011 at 1:41 pm

And then there is Addison. What next Radisson?

SexySmurf October 20, 2011 at 10:31 am

In her defense, “Ask a Mexican” is the journalistic equivalent of Montezuma's Revenge.

EatsBabyDingos October 20, 2011 at 10:31 am

New Mexico is changing its name to "Not Alabama."

Ramon X October 20, 2011 at 11:18 am

Not really new. Not really Mexico. Just sayin.

not that Dewey October 20, 2011 at 11:45 am
Negropolis October 21, 2011 at 12:49 am

But only barely.

tessiee October 20, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Madison Square Garden is neither square, nor a garden, nor on Madison Avenue.
Discuss.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 20, 2011 at 11:31 pm

It used to be all three.

yyyaz October 20, 2011 at 2:21 pm

My daughter is a New Mexican anchor baby? Cool.

El Pinche October 20, 2011 at 10:32 am

Eh, white America has two more years tops before the Mescans take over. Catholic priests are coming for the white niños!

SorosBot October 20, 2011 at 10:39 am

Well better than what the Catholic priests have been doing for centuries, coming in the white niños.

El Pinche October 20, 2011 at 10:52 am

HA! This is needs a rimjob..er rimshot.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm

You borrowed Biely's oilstone to sharpen your TONGUE today, Sorosbot! Well-done, my man, well-done!

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 20, 2011 at 10:33 am

The Alabamaniacs almost certainly don't realize that Mr Arellano's hilarious column "¡Ask a Mexican!" (when properly punctuated) is a parody of American Hispanic stereotypes. His personal web site makes that quite clear.

http://www.askamexican.net/

"Loving the Reconquista since 1492."

MrFizzy October 20, 2011 at 10:33 am

Yet another explanation of how W got elected twice. Chicken-fried stupidity.

EatsBabyDingos October 20, 2011 at 10:33 am

Probably didn't like the new Chi Chi's dish, "Mierda y Pendejo con Queso." Because she hates cheese.

user-of-owls October 20, 2011 at 10:34 am

MEMO TO: Weld for Birmingham editorial staff
SUBJECT: New style guidlelines

Effectively immediately, staff is notified that the Weld will no longer be using the word, "Mexican" in our copy. Staff should instead substitute the phrase, "Seven Dollar Tomato."

MissusBarry October 20, 2011 at 10:48 am

Brilliant, Owls!

snackypants October 20, 2011 at 11:09 am

You win the comment board with this one!

user-of-owls October 20, 2011 at 10:36 am

The answer to your alt-text question?

Peggy Noonan, of course.

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 20, 2011 at 10:41 am

Ah, great days…

user-of-owls October 20, 2011 at 10:43 am

Once Were Blog Warriors.

Jerri October 20, 2011 at 11:20 am

Ahh, that never gets old. Thanks for posting.

Gunner Asch October 20, 2011 at 10:36 am

"phase"?…Arghhh.

notgross October 20, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Thank you. I think I love you.

Pragmatist2 October 20, 2011 at 10:37 am

I would like to see an "Ask an Alabaman" column but you'd need someone literate to write it. too bad.

Chet Kincaid October 20, 2011 at 11:26 am

You forget our own lovely and talented FakaktaSouth.

DebC2 October 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm

And since when does this bitch actually READ? You'd think the stank of ignorance
wafting about her head would offend her, too. Also.

Gratuitous World October 20, 2011 at 10:37 am

Ask A Moist Mexican?

alabama women hate those words.

BklynIlluminati October 20, 2011 at 10:38 am

Maybe she had a tamale flashback? The olds colon's are very sensitve….

Gratuitous World October 20, 2011 at 10:39 am

Olé Tide!

Chichikovovich October 20, 2011 at 11:00 am

Damn Bama fans. Guerra águila!

BaldarTFlagass October 20, 2011 at 11:07 am

"What was behind the door? Was it the Tiger? Or the War Eagle?"

I love this Saturday's matchup, Tigers vs. Tigers.

bureaucrap October 20, 2011 at 10:39 am

Wasn't there a movie called "Jesus vs. the Mexicans"?

No, I'm sorry, it was called "Santa Claus vs. the Martians".

Same thing, really.

emmelemm October 20, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Mexicans aren't real either?

Mumbletypeg October 20, 2011 at 10:40 am

Did she sell all her television sets when they kept annoying her with images suggesting a Kenyan Usurper in office, too?

Dok-cupy Everything October 20, 2011 at 10:41 am

I believe that Sr. Arellano pretty much nailed it in his answer to this question:

DEAR MEXICAN: What is it about the word "illegal" that Mexicans don't understand?

DEAR GABACHO: Take your pick, D.G. Mexicans don't understand the word "illegal" because: (A) when paying their gardeners, nannies, busboys and factory workers in cash (and forgetting to withhold payroll taxes), U.S. employers don't seem to understand the word "illegal," so why should Mexicans?… (D) Whether they buy a fake passport or take a citizenship oath, Mexicans will never be more than wetbacks in the eyes of many Americans, so why bother applying for residency?

hagajim October 20, 2011 at 10:44 am

Should just be "Ask a Brown"

Guppy06 October 20, 2011 at 12:46 pm

I was leaning more towards "Ask a Wetback Spic Beaner," but yours would probably fit better.

Beetagger October 20, 2011 at 10:44 am

Grammar police here… it's "faze," not "phase." What are you, a Mexican?

Indiepalin October 20, 2011 at 11:35 am

Phasers on stun.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Thank you. I'd given up on that one.

LesBontemps October 20, 2011 at 10:46 am

Jesus is against Mexicans, who knew!

Alabama and Arizona, for starters.

notgross October 20, 2011 at 3:37 pm

But Jesus is a Mexican….

JoshuaNorton October 20, 2011 at 10:47 am

she explained, she as a Christian was offended…

When aren't those cornpone "Christians" offended? That would be a bigger story.

Fare la Volpe October 20, 2011 at 11:12 am

When everyone else is being offended.

DashboardBuddha October 20, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Christians: "We're not happy until you're miserable".

Fare la Volpe October 20, 2011 at 11:12 am

When everyone else is being offended, natch.

ProudLibunatic October 20, 2011 at 11:34 am

Sounds like one of those "Christian" salt vs. "Kosher" salt people.

proudgrampa October 20, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I do all my cooking with Kosher salt. Just sayin'. Funny, I don't LOOK Jewish.

Fare la Volpe October 20, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Watch your foreskin…

Pristine_ODummy October 21, 2011 at 1:16 am

Funny, you don't cook Jewish, either.

Lucidamente1 October 20, 2011 at 10:50 am

Someone should tell this nice lady that if she finds Weld for Birmingham offensive, she should spend her time reading that nice Christian website wonkette.com, in particular the comments section and the posts by that nice young man Ken Layne.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Sweet Jesus, that would kill that ancient hag in a New Yawk minute.

freakishlywrong October 20, 2011 at 10:53 am

Bigger quandry; what SHALL she boycott?

JoshuaNorton October 20, 2011 at 10:56 am

Ever notice how you can substitute the word "Christian" with the word "Bigot" in most right-wing screeds and not change the meaning of what they're saying.

slowhansolo October 20, 2011 at 11:01 am

Economic jealousy, in addition to good old fashioned racism. The Hispanic shops in the our little Pennsyltucky barrio are going gangbusters. Excellent taco shop on the square installs huge new facade, new kitchen, upscales seating area, etc., while the Xtian bookstore next door is open two days a week.

BaldarTFlagass October 20, 2011 at 11:02 am

Well, compared to a good enchilada, Bibles taste like shit.

Chichikovovich October 20, 2011 at 11:05 am

And oddly, if they were willing to stock Christian literature in Spanish, or Catholic literature at all, they would be making money hand over fist.

slowhansolo October 20, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Principles must not be compromised?

baconzgood October 20, 2011 at 11:06 am

I find Alabama offensive. Can I stop hearing about them? PLLLLLLLEASE!

Fare la Volpe October 20, 2011 at 11:08 am

Ay chingada.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm

They sure are a bunch of chingadas, aren't they? Putas.

fuflans October 20, 2011 at 11:08 am

hahahaha alabama. now you have no mexiicans, all your economy is thriftstore!

SayItWithWookies October 20, 2011 at 11:08 am

Shit, lady, I'm annoyed by all manner of things — applied ignorance, casual references to The LORD where they're completely unnecessary (i.e. anywhere but dirty jokes and history books), Sam from the Verizon commercials, TV shows about psychics solving crimes, improper use of the conditional tense, and people who don't know the damn difference between insects and arachnids. But at least it's people's fuckin' behavior that bothers me, not freakin' facts.

Ruhe October 20, 2011 at 11:31 am

But don't you understand that for some people the aura of associations they perceive around certain words is real!? It's called synesthesia and it's a gift from God.

Sharkey October 20, 2011 at 11:11 am

I can't figure out what the hell this has to do with anything. Thanks, Kirsten.

proudgrampa October 20, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Now, now. It's just a slice of life…

Barrelhse October 20, 2011 at 11:12 am

Just take her out and shoot her.

El Pinche October 20, 2011 at 11:12 am

It's a shame . I see the word "Christian" and I think of Fred Phelps, the KKK, and a white Ronnie Van Zant looking Jesus almost immediately. In reality, Jesus was a sun shriveled brown Jew who'd probably be spit on by a morbidly obese diabetes-ridden teabagger who could use a miracle.

proudgrampa October 20, 2011 at 12:52 pm

"I am the Prince of Peace."

"Oh, Senor Peace. We cannot allow you in this country."

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Probly had a giant Jewfro, too. And those crazy black eyes.

El Pinche October 20, 2011 at 4:58 pm

like a cross between Boehner and that kid from Victorious with the fucking puppet.

Negropolis October 21, 2011 at 12:56 am

And a unibrow.

Pristine_ODummy October 21, 2011 at 1:18 am

Sounds like half the Sabras I know.

Barb October 20, 2011 at 11:22 am

Gadhafi is DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jus_wonderin October 20, 2011 at 11:52 am

No mo Moammar?

Barb October 20, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Nope, he's dead. It's my fifth wedding anniversary and I didn't think this day could get any better until now.

jus_wonderin October 20, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Happy Fifth!! Usually I am being told that as I leave the liquor store.

El Pinche October 20, 2011 at 4:59 pm

here's to death! *clink*

LesBontemps October 20, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Libyans is Messicans of the Maghreb.

RavenRant October 20, 2011 at 12:23 pm

McCain, Leiberman, and Miss Lindsay will be so distraught at the loss of their good friend.

yrbmegr October 20, 2011 at 3:02 pm

America's Thrift Store is offended by the word "Gadhafi". Sounds Mexican.

tessiee October 20, 2011 at 10:29 pm

So, ix-nay on the Oammar-may?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 20, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Heh.

Jerri October 20, 2011 at 11:26 am

News flash, God-lady: if you're not offended by something at least once a day you're not really living in a free country.*

Here's today's dose for good measure: you're a fucking pathetic rube with ham for brains.

*Just go with it, okay?

LetUsBray October 20, 2011 at 9:30 pm

They're proud of having ham for brains: It's not halal, dammit.

Ruhe October 20, 2011 at 11:27 am

This story demonstrates how Romney could ultimately win out over Perry by addressing the whole "is a Mormon a Christian" thing directly. Romney should come right out and say that Mormons are the real American Christians because they've been saved by American Jesus who reached out to us right on our home soil, the promised land and made us the new tribe. Mormon Jesus is a Jesus free of all that Hebrew weirdness and unmediated by any sort of eastern strangeness. It's like that Hobbit story where Gandalf comes back only here it's Jewish Jesus goes away and comes back all shiny white American Jesus. How can you be against that?

4TheTurnstiles October 20, 2011 at 11:34 am

But I like little baby Jesus, like around Christmas time. Is that the Jew Jesus or the America Jesus?

Ruhe October 20, 2011 at 11:41 am

Well obviously the Christmastime Baby Jesus is latently America Jesus but becomes Jewish Jesus through having to live in that time. But when Christmastime Baby Jesus returns to the future from whence he came, the shining city on a hill, America, he becomes SuperAmerica Jesus.

tessiee October 20, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Neither; he's the Christmas-specific little baby Jesus, sort of like the New Year's baby.

Chet Kincaid October 20, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Keep your Jewish hands off our Jesus!! It's like the Syrians, trying to claim Steve Jobs now that he's dead and his real Dad is blabbing to the media!!

SorosBot October 20, 2011 at 11:27 am

Since just the word "Mexican" offended her, I guess she didn't look at the back end of the paper; being an alt-weekly it must be full of prostitute ads.

DahBoner October 20, 2011 at 12:07 pm

What's a "she mail"???

LesBontemps October 20, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Feminist postal service?

Woodshedding October 20, 2011 at 11:31 am

Well she's RIGHT, you know!!! Can you name even one scripture where Our Lord used the term "Mexican?" I didn't think so.

You people need to spend more time with your nose in a Bible and less time with it in the internet.

Ruhe October 20, 2011 at 11:42 am

I'm trying to break the habit of going to places on the internet where I feel compelled to stick my nose in. One day at a time.

Fawkdifiknow October 20, 2011 at 11:43 am

There's a job for this lady in the upcoming Romney/Brewer administration.

proudgrampa October 20, 2011 at 11:59 am

Teresa Brewer is running for Vice President? I loved the Hula Hoop Song! What? Oh. She's dead. Never mind.

LesBontemps October 20, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Not necessarily a disqualifying characteristic. Corpse of Reagan/Inanimate Carbon Rod 2012!!!11!1!!

GOPCrusher October 20, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Prince Fielder is running for V.P.? He's not 35.

Negropolis October 21, 2011 at 12:59 am

Forget his age, you see what the media did to Chris Christie?

SheriffRoscoe October 20, 2011 at 11:44 am

They should have offered to change the name of the column to something less offensive to Alabamans, like "Ask An Inbred Hick."

DahBoner October 20, 2011 at 12:07 pm

More useful for Bammy, would be Ask A Meth Cook….

GOPCrusher October 20, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Ask a toothless banjo player.

tessiee October 20, 2011 at 10:38 pm

"Dear Cletus"

DaRooster October 20, 2011 at 11:53 am

She resides in Alabama… and is offended by "Mexicans"… you live in Alabama… hello!

DahBoner October 20, 2011 at 12:06 pm

People in Alabama are born with a birth defect that looks like a banjo on their knee…

thefrontpage October 20, 2011 at 11:55 am

Today, we are all Mexican Muslims in Alabama!

Praise Allahbama!

Sweet Home Allahbama!

Sweet Home Allahbama!

Rosaries?! We dun' need no stinkin' rosaries!

That should offend the winguts for a while.

BaldarTFlagass October 20, 2011 at 11:56 am

Oh Alabama
Banjos playing
through the broken glass
Windows down in Alabama.
See the old folks
tied in white ropes
Hear the banjo.
Don't it take you down home?

Alabama, you got
the weight on your shoulders
That's breaking your back.
Your Cadillac
has got a wheel in the ditch
And a wheel on the track

Oh Alabama.
Can I see you
and shake your hand.
Make friends down in Alabama.
I'm from a new land
I come to you
and see all this ruin
What are you doing Alabama?
You got the rest of the union
to help you along
What's going wrong?

DashboardBuddha October 20, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Too bad for Neil that a southern man don't need him around anyhow.

BarackMyWorld October 20, 2011 at 11:58 am

That "Ask a Mexican" column is muy bueno.

DahBoner October 20, 2011 at 12:05 pm

The Seattle Weekly, at one time, had something like, Ask A White Guy, but I can't find it.

The one I remember was someone asked why white people in Seattle were so polite to bus drivers, by thanking them, as they exited the bus….

DahBoner October 20, 2011 at 12:01 pm

" criminalizing even the air that circulates complacently through an illegal immigrant’s lungs"

Sure. After all, who wants Second Hand Frijoles?

proudgrampa October 20, 2011 at 12:02 pm

When I see shit like this, sometimes i wish I could just stop the planet and get off (or throw assholes like Alabama lady off!).

MissTaken October 20, 2011 at 12:06 pm

I find the word "the" offensive. Please stop using it.

BaldarTFlagass October 20, 2011 at 12:21 pm

This lady would not do well in San Antonio.

proudgrampa October 20, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Fersure.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Why? The gabachos outnumbered there?

MistaEko October 20, 2011 at 12:27 pm

That, I think, was the first “fuck” in Weld.

With that kind of a streak, I'd probably hate everything, too.

Nostrildamus October 20, 2011 at 12:29 pm

The Bean-Eater that dare not speak its name.

Respitetini October 20, 2011 at 12:30 pm

"Christian"

They keep using this word. I don't think they know what it means…

donner_froh October 20, 2011 at 12:41 pm

How strange. Every guy named Jesus I have ever known (well, both of them) was from Mexico.

On a side note it is shows up a lot in Major League Baseball: Ivan de Jesus, Jesus Delgado, Jesus Colme, Jesus Alou.

BaldarTFlagass October 20, 2011 at 12:49 pm

I wonder how Alabama lady feels about the word "Dominican."

gullywompr October 20, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Niggerhead, however, is historically accurate, and an important part of southern heritage and culture.

When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.

Ancient_Hacker October 20, 2011 at 12:47 pm

That used to be "faze", not "phase", but with the general illiteracy level rising, it labels one as an elitist old coot to point that out.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Jezus Christ. WTF. I … Ai yi yi.

Damn, these are some pignorant-assed motherfuckers, ain't they?

rickmaci October 20, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Why do I think she is probably OK with beaner, spic, wetback, greaser and dirtymesscan?

LiveToServeYa October 20, 2011 at 1:17 pm

"Goodnight, Frau Mexican." *distant whinnying*

tessiee October 20, 2011 at 10:41 pm

"Some… Ovaltine?"

owhatever October 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm

It's a great day in Alabama! Run 'em all outta the state, sez us. And the poors, too. And all the blacks except those on the Alabama football team. They can't leave until after they win the national title.

Poindexter718 October 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm

In all seriousness–and perhaps in all naivete too–isn't it possible she thinks the term "Mexican" is derogatory and was actually trying to be PC/a real Christian (i.e. nice, doesn't cast the first stone etc.)???
Cuz in Texas, the rednecks generically call all latinos "Mexicans" and the more temperate folks frown on it…

NellCote71 October 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm

No, they do not in Texas. They call them Meskins. Maybe the educated, both of them, say all the syllables but the not rest. And that is the polite term.

Beowoof October 20, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Living in FEMA trailer with all that formaldehyde has damaged her brain. Poor thing.

tessiee October 20, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Also, the whole "her parents are siblings" thingy…

yyyaz October 20, 2011 at 2:24 pm

No wonder Jesus left Birmingham.

102415 October 21, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Yes.

GeorgiaBurning October 20, 2011 at 2:47 pm

People who believe in "intelligent design" already have a tough time explaining Alabama; this just makes it worse.

yrbmegr October 20, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Who would Jesus hate?

OldRedneck October 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm

It's really true — when people move from Mississippi to Alabama, it raises the average IQ in both states.

tessiee October 20, 2011 at 10:12 pm

They should change the name of the column to, "Ask a Retard".

tessiee October 20, 2011 at 10:31 pm

WTF??
This dumb twat is all worked up over the very *word* "Mexican"?
Shouldn't she be getting all worked up over the fact that it's only eleven days till Halloween?

richmx2 October 20, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Perhaps instead of "Mexican" the Weld can use "Jesús-people" and "Land of Jesús" for the country.

Swampgas_Man October 20, 2011 at 10:52 am

I've gotta couple words for 'em.

Callyson October 20, 2011 at 2:36 pm

There's an old Russian saying for incidents such as this:
"No words, only gestures."

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Thanks, Barry. We Oldz sometimes need our memories jogged.

tessiee October 20, 2011 at 10:18 pm

More like William Walker than Pancho Villa.

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