No, tomorrow is probably not quite here yet ...Here’s a pre-tangled mess of shitty intestines to unravel: Michael Bloomberg’s pollster arranged a survey of the Occupy Wall Street campers and published his paranoid/fearmongering results in the Wall Street Journal. The pollster/WSJ columnist, Douglas Schoen, then objectively described the #OWS protesters as “dangerously out of touch with the broad mass of the American people” and said the protesters are all “bound by a deep commitment to radical left-wing policies.” This proves something, probably about Obama, and even if the results of the survey are completely contrary to Schoen’s pre-written conclusions.

In the world of Murdoch’s cheat sheet for Wall Street, being an actual leftist is a very bad thing, of course — even if what American politics needs more than anything is a serious dose of serious leftist policies to swing at least one of the parties away from full-time suckling at the Wall Street teat. But Schoen’s conclusions aren’t even accurate, as a reporter at Capital New York found by simply asking Schoen for a copy of the raw data.

Left to my own devices to account for the raw responses to the survey (which Schoen was kind enough to send to me), I’d say the opinions of the protesters were not quite as … exciting as all that. They are about what I would have expected from a poll of the most committed long-haul demonstrators down at Zuccotti Park, who probably skew a lot younger and more activist-y than the much larger numbers of people who have put in appearances downtown ….

What the pre-interpreted numbers seem to show, to me, anyway, is that many of the protesters consider themselves Democrats, many will vote for Obama in 2012, and, relatively speaking, “income inequality” doesn’t actually rank too high on their list of grievances.

The OWS protesters top complaint about the U.S. political/financial system, according to Schoen’s survey, was “influence of corporate/moneyed/special interests.” That’s how 30% answered the question, while only 3% identified “our democratic/capitalist system” as the culprit for our continuing economic inequality and injustice. So much for the communist revolution.

Asked what the protests should achieve, the top response at 35% was “Influence the Democratic Party the way the Tea Party has influenced the GOP.” How radical. Invest in guillotine blades now, we guess. [Capital New York]

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  • Come here a minute

    Oh, the sun'll come out tomorrow, probably.

    • DahBoner

      Sun been shining on Gold Man Sacks back door like a nuclear explosion….

    • memzilla

      Yes… when it comes to giant flaming supermassive gasbags, I think WSJ.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Fucking statistics, how do they work?

    • Data manipulation goes in, the desired analysis comes out. Never a miscommunication.

    • Teatards ♥ deterministic processes
      Wonkatteeriates ♥ stochastic processes

      • proudgrampa

        Did you perform a t-test for that hypothesis?

        • ShaveTheWhales

          Clearly. you are a Student of that technique.

      • not that Dewey

        The Central Limit Theorem catches up with all of us, sooner or later.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Anyway you want them to. Unfortunately.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Polls go up, Polls go down. Who knows why?

    • mormos

      however you want them to.

  • Of course you would never expect this from a hack publication called "The Wall Street Journal," right? Fuck the WSJ, Ruppie, their self-righteous readers and Pegington Noonington…

    • Doug Schoen is a FAUX Nooze Democrat.

      Last seen in the Washington Post, November 10, advising Obama not to seek a second term.

    • GOPCrusher

      Since when did "the broad mass of Americans" suddenly mean the clique that you hang out with at the country club?

  • memzilla

    Hmm… time to go long Lightly Salted Poison Rat Dick Futures for November delivery. Demand is very high. I'm also bullish on Amalgamated Guillotines [NASDAQ: CHOP] and US Babble [AMEX: USBS],

    • Chichikovovich

      Buy stock in yarn and knitting needle companies too. Employment for tricoteuses is going to explode.

      • proudgrampa

        Them babes were HAWT!

  • BklynIlluminati

    Nope still no barbarians at our gates, nope just some dirty kids. Someone should go out there and tell them get off our lawn

    • DahBoner

      Bob Dole wakes up. Opens an eye. Raises an eyebrow. Then goes back to sleep….

    • Chichikovovich

      No, just barbarians in our gated communities.

  • Schmannnity

    I have no facts to back this up, but the majority of Wall Street Journal articles tend to favor the “influence of corporate/moneyed/special interests.”

  • justkillmenow

    I have spent the past 10 weeks in a graduate level statistics class and am unable to answer this question. I think it has something to do with black magic and witches. Maybe voodoo. Not sure.

    • Terry

      Wait until you get to nonparametric statistics. The whole field boils down to one equation, in which you just keep changing the name of the variables. You are expected, however, to act as if changing the names makes the equation ENTIRELY different.

      • user-of-owls

        The shift from parametric to nonparametric models was, for me, a rank transformation.

        • sweet

        • Terry

          Stats classes in the 80's left me with a life long semi-colon phobia.

          • user-of-owls

            Back when I took it, we did ARIMA models by hand. I would have killed for a semi-colon, just to slow things down for a second.

          • Terry

            SAS on punch cards when I started. Mostly it was SAS using terminals that had been tucked into creepy old closets, then you had to run across campus to get your printout, assuming the guy at the computer lab desk wasn't on the phone talking to his girlfriend rather than keeping up with the huge dot matrix printers.

    • prommie

      Its simple, you just take the average of the rate of change (first derivative) of the projected mean deviation from the line you charted from the data. Fuck if I know, really; is this witch you speak of named SPSS?

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        If I'm not mistaken, SPSS changed her name to IBM.

        • prommie

          I was larned on this here doohickey called The Statistical Package for Social Scientists, Release 10 for Windows.

          • user-of-owls

            Kid's got a lotta SAS, don't he?

    • Benjamin Disraeli's remarks cut to the quick.

    • not that Dewey

      I just got my boss to approve purchase of the Statistics Toolbox for Matlab. I'm salivating; I can't wait! I have some histograms that require inverse erfing.

  • DahBoner

    "Asked what the protests should achieve…"


    • BaldarTFlagass

      And jet packs. Don't forget the jet packs.

      • user-of-owls

        I want a pony.

      • proudgrampa

        Whatever happened to our Flying Cars?

  • Boojum_Reborn

    I would like to see more ass-fucking in the OWS protests. Preferably, the nice ripe cherry asses of banksters and Wall Street moguls.

  • freakishlywrong

    According to the WSJ, Saint Ronnie would be a radical left wing pinko. Who's out of touch again?

    • DahBoner

      If Saint Ronnie's corspe ain't got a job and ain't rich, then it's his own damn fault!

    • yrbmegr

      A bill I'd like to see introduced in Congress, entitled "The Ronald Reagan Deification Act".

      An Act, to reset all U.S. law to the way it was during the Reagan Administration.

      Republicans would have to vote against it because it would RAISE TAXES!!!! {gasp!}

  • Hey Ken… Correct me if I'm wrong but.. in the WSJ accompanying photo, isn't that girl in the middle doing a rebel yell at the camera wearing an old-school wonkette t-shirt? The kind w/ the caption "I'll keep your secret/ But I won't go to prison for you" — ?!

    • Oh wow, the Gawker Media shirt about … Judith Miller? God whose idea was that? (Some long-gone merchandising manager at Gawker HQ, haha ….) We gave away the last of those shirts at our Weeping Eagle awards ceremony in DC last summer. She must've got it there, as none of those shirts ever sold.

      • Terry

        Don't point this out too much, as the people at Fox will realize that it's really the Wonketteers who are pulling the strings at OWS not George Soros.

      • Well now to have the truth fully out — I was the most recent recipient of said shirts, when Riley 'gifted' me with a near dozen Size XS 'remaindered' shirts in assorted varieties & colors during my DC visit this summer. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with them.

        • user-of-owls

          You could send them my way. I know the homeless shelter down at Our Lady of Teensy-Weensy Souls sure could use them.

          • Oh I meant how to 'reconstitute' them. I've just figured out how to sew undies from old t-shirts, for example… Or what about a wonkette oven-mitt? See, I promised Riley I'd come up with "a really creative" use for them… But considering your idea too, Owls, as based on my limited experience at local homeless facilities: their donations are overstocked with much-too-XXL sized clothing for the frail-framed, underfed women coming in looking for decently-fit garb, for job interviews, &c.

          • Limeylizzie

            Make a quilt, a snuggly , warm, Wonkette winter covering.

  • This is the same clown that was saying Obama needed to announce last year that he would not run for re-election in order to get stuff done. Despite doing business with Murdoch's criminal empire, Schoen has never heard of Congressional Republicans.

  • user-of-owls

    This proves something, probably about Obama…

    …which is that he is morally weak.

    • Obama: "I couldn't help it. They knew my weakness!"
      Michelle: "What's that?"
      Obama: "I'm weak!!"


    • chicken_thief

      But so Kenyanly devious, in an anti-colonial way.

  • user-of-owls

    Activist-y was a terrible operating system.

    I'm really glad they finally replaced it with Windows 7-y.

  • slithytoves

    Influence? They want influence? Jesus, next thing you know they'll be wanting respect or human dignity or some other shit like that.

  • The Wall Street Journal must be getting some math tutoring from FUX News.

    • freakishlywrong

      Schoen clown is Fux's house Democrat.

      • Chichikovovich

        What, Zell Miller was already committed elsewhere?

  • From the WSJ piece:

    President Obama and the Democratic leadership are making a critical error in embracing the Occupy Wall Street movement—and it may cost them the 2012 election.

    Uh… Mr. Schoen, have you examined the 'critical errors' committed during exchanges in any or all of the GOP debates recently? Obama's practically got the election handed to him.
    Your forthcoming book's title could be sung to Olivia Newton-John's old sap: "Hopelessly Divided [To You] — The New Crisis [-Manufacturing] in American Politics" would be a more accurately worded summary, I'm guessing, now that I've fixed it for you.

    • fuflans

      also, i haven't seen that warm embrace really.

      • Naked_Bunny

        Obama hasn't gone on TV screaming about the communist hippies and threatening to use military force to disperse them like he always does with Tea Party rallies, therefore he embraces them.

  • baconzgood

    Activist-y kids……OHHHHHHHH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!! It's the end of Jebus.

    These GOP fuckers get all freaked out when young people get the lead out and do somthing. You know the only thing that the GOP thinks 17-28 year olds are good for? cannon fodder. ASS HOLES!

    • ThundercatHo

      They also like them to "carry their luggage".

    • chicken_thief

      Opinions only count if they were fed to 400 lb rascal riding oldz by Faux News so said scooter riders can regurgitate them and claim them as their own.

  • To be as influential as the Teabaggers, all OWS has to do is advocate policies that make Democratic donors richer.

    • Guppy06

      The Teabaggers already did that themselves.

  • "…35% was 'Influence the Democratic Party the way the Tea Party has influenced the GOP.'"


    The tolerable Lawrence O'Donnell made the point last night that all Presidential candidates who say they're going to "repeal this" and "build that" are liars, because Congress controls everything; and (paraphrasing) pro- and anti-Obama Democrats had better grow up and take that to heart.

    BTW, what's with O'Donnell and Ed what's-his-face switching time slots?!

    • user-of-owls

      Lawrence isn't bad, but he seems like the sort whose neighbors would eventually wind up telling a reporter, "He was a quiet guy, mostly kept to himself."

      • Lawrence enjoys explaining the obvious to his viewers as if they were in the 3rd grade, which I find tedious, but it's apparently necessary for many on "our side."

        • user-of-owls

          "When George Bush slashed the already meager tax rates on billionaires, this was somewhat antithetical to the interests of 99.99% of American citizens. Can you say 'antithetical'?"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, that's a big surprise.

  • prommie

    Oh Ken, you're so completely out of touch with what normal, sane, mainstream American people think.

    • Guppy06

      It's already been established that there are no "normal Americans" living in DC/NoVA.

  • SorosBot

    According to the article, most of the protesters support such radical left-wing ideals as true universal healthcare and guaranteed access to a college education! My, that puts them against the American people – oh wait, no, that's the same as the American people but unsupported by politicians that have been purchased by the corporate elite.

  • Billmatic

    Well 3% is better than getting booed and pelted with tomatoes.

    *sigh* It's so hard being a Communist.

    • user-of-owls



      • Billmatic

        Oh, boo yourself.

        • SorosBot

          I was saying Boo-urns.

  • ThankYouJeebus

    Thurston and Lovey are starting to get a little nervous and are thinking about a boating excursion to get away from these 'people' for a few hours.

  • user-of-owls

    Invest in guillotine blades now

    Based on the distinctly non-radical survey results, it would seem more appropriate to, "Invest in sternly worded letters."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “Influence the Democratic Party the way the Tea Party has influenced the GOP.”

    What, turn all our candidates into blithering idiots? I'd prefer they didn't.

  • prommie

    Alls I know is why I went down to the protest; its because we were promised jetpacks, goddammit.

    • Chichikovovich

      And where the hell are the flying cars? The future is turning out to be a real disappointment compared to what I was promised by "Science for Kids" shows in the 60s.

      • prommie

        Where is my atomic car? Its nearly $4.00 a gallon for gas, I would be cruising easy right now if I only had my atomic car, and my robot maid named "Hazel," too.

        • proudgrampa

          And WHY, WHY, are we still working 8 hours (or more) a day? George Jetson only had to work one hour a day.

          • GOPCrusher

            Now that I think about it, I don't actually remember seeing George Jetson doing "work" at Spacely's Space Sprokets. He showed up, but I don't think he worked.

          • proudgrampa

            Even better! Beautiful wife and family, atomic flying car, electronic maid. And you don't have to work!

            Oh. That's probably something the OWSers would be upset about, huh?

  • LiveToServeYa

    What, *read* the WSJ? What a waste of time, especially since the price of toilet paper is so high.

  • I was shocked to learn that 134% of OWS protesters hated people who regularly attended church.

    • Chichikovovich

      And the 186% who said only "Acid is groovy. Kill the pigs".

    • SorosBot

      Now I don't hate regular churchgoers; I pity the fools

  • Not_So_Much

    Math shows that 93.2% of the time you put a made-up statistic next to any bullshit on The Interwebs, more than 2/3 of the sheeple will know that it's true. WSJ shows this to be true virtually every day.

  • user-of-owls

    Schoen's assertions notwithstanding, analysis of the raw data also reveals that only a minority of OWS protesters lack culottes.


  • We have not yet begun to POOP!

  • Sooooo…is it ok for us to say we just "want to take our country back?"

    • BerkeleyBear


    • Naked_Bunny

      Of course not. The country is already run by socialists and homosexuals.

      I call it Schrödinger Politics. Not that right-wingers ever know what that means.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I thought it was Heisenberg Politics… but I'm not certain.

  • BlueStateLibel

    They're really panicking now, aren't they?

  • prommie

    Well, I heard that the protesters poison the wells, AND they hold satanic black masses which require the blood of an infant for the sacrament! And they're pedophiles, won't someone think of the children? Here is this park full of well-poisoning socialist infant-sacrificing antichrist-worshipping ritual abuse pedophile drug addict commies! When will someone do something, for the children, won't someone think of the children? Oh, wait, its a post 9-11 world, everything has changed, they're ritual pedophile satanic drug-dealing muslim terrorists! Rendition them to Gitmo!

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Blood libel!11!1!! Actual, honest-to-god Blood Libel, unlike what Pain believes.

    • Pedophiles and druggies? What? So they're all Catholics and Evangelicals?

      • GOPCrusher

        Catholics and Evangelicals hanging out together? Are you mad?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Just so long as they don't share a tent.
          (Is that still illegal in Alabama?)

  • hagajim

    Why'd he even do a survey if he was just going to make up the fucking results? Fucking Murdoch…notice how all these douches (Murdoch, Koch bros.) all have Och in their names? Methinks it's a conspiracy!

    • GOPCrusher

      So I hear that the News Corp stockholders are trying to force Murdoch and his demon spawn out at the head of News Corp because they have become too toxic.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        because they have become too noticed how toxic they are.


    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Arthur Ochs Sulzberger must have been in on it, then. Who knew?

  • chicken_thief

    But how many joined OWS just for the free sex and drugs? I was thinking about dropping by, but if there are no babes joining in the fun….

    • GOPCrusher

      According to the Howard Stern interview, the only people getting laid are the ones with tents.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Aren't those the regular occupants of Wall Street?

  • AddHomonym

    Well, since things like George Bush's prescription drug program for olds and stuff like highways are now considered "radical left-wing policies," WSJ is prob correct about the #OWS, yes?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Terrible newspaper is terrible.

  • veritass

    Lies, Damn Lies, and Conservatives.

  • owhatever

    I wish the young men would just put on coats and ties, and the girls wear dresses, with clean underwear, and just go get jobs in the banking industry. Then they could buy nice things and collect guns and be kind to their parents and go to church, and America would be … uh… (fill in you own word).

    • Naked_Bunny


    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Exactly the same, with a couple hundred more bankers.

  • Naked_Bunny

    That picture makes me very glad America isn't under Communism. I'd hate to live in a country where uniformed thugs attack freethinking dissidents while the nation burns around cheering sheep.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "OK, boss, I got the survey results right here."
    "Great! Here are your conclusions. Paste them in and we're good to go."

  • Negropolis

    Well, hell, then. Call me a leftist radical, 'cause I want to see negative corporate influence taken out of political and social system, and I too would like to see this movement push the Democrats like the Tea Party pushed the Republicans given the fact that we only have two, viable major parties in this country, and only one of those parties can even remotely be appealed to using logic and reason.

  • MadBrahms

    Yes, "influence of corporate/moneyed/special interests" has nothing at all to do with capitalism.

    On the one hand, hooray, it's hard to point to the protesters as radical Marxists, which works in OWS' favor. On the other hand, I'm depressed somehow that only 3% seem able to string dots together in a line.

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