Zero points for originality, however.RUH-ROH. Can you spot it?! The wicked little Internet trolls are fiddling around on their favorite source of Official History, Wikipedia, to try to embarrass Senator Dick Durbin. We have to admit — it’s a little bit mysterious why anyone would want to pick on this rather harmless lefty Illinois Senator who usually ambles around Congress advocating for moderate reforms on poison levels in children’s toys and more money for brain-damaged veterans. UNLESS, maybe, it has something to do with Durbin’s recent crusade against greedy bank executives?

Probably Wikipedia’s gatekeeper-editor wizard-folk can figure this out, but for the moment the only “people” we know for sure that Dick Durbin is pissing off are the giant banks who want to just want to be able to wring a few extra dollars a month from debit card users in peace.

From The Hill:

The Illinois senator sent a letter to Wells Fargo chief John Stumpf on Wednesday, asking for an explanation as to why it is considering adding new fees for debit cards following the announcement of the bank’s 21 percent increase in third-quarter profits on Tuesday.

“Your spokesperson’s claim that Wells Fargo needs to charge all its customers an additional monthly fee of more than $3 in order to make up the ‘cost’ of providing debit cards simply does not add up,” Durbin wrote. “Instead of making up costs, your new consumer fee appears to be a plain attempt to increase your profits, even though your bank just reported third-quarter profits that hit a record high.”

The new fee, currently being tested by Wells Fargo in five states, is similar to the fee Bank of America announced following the Oct. 1 start of the Federal Reserve’s new policy on swipe fees, which cuts the amount banks can collect per transaction to an average of 24 cents from 44 cents.

And of course, there’s always the outside chance that it was just our old unemployed hobo friend Rod Blagojevich, on account of being bored and jealous. [Wikipedia/The Hill]

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  • nounverb911

    Wikipedia reduced to ashes in 3…2…1…

    • You think they'll bomb, nounverb? A virtual bomb, even, maybe?

      • RadioOcupados

        Awesome avatard, M_B.
        Off thread, but I was thinking maybe Little Miss Smuggypants should become a blond…you know, to boost her flagging ratings.

        • Thanks, Radio! Maybe I should blonde her … naah, I think I'll ICanHazCheezbrgr her instead.

    • Um, what, some grade schooler briefly vandalizing a page on Wikipedia is still news??

  • OzoneTom

    I hope that Wikipedia will be checking the IP address from which the edit was made. John Stumpf, you can run but you cannot hide.

    • memzilla

      All IP addresses which make edits are logged by Wikipedia. The edit history on this entry indicates an ISP in southern Illinois. [Note that many IP addresses are dynamic, so not necessarily from the same person].

      However, this particular IP address has been repeatedly flagged for "unconstructive comments" and vandalism over the past several months.

      Wikipedia's last message to the account is: "This is your last warning. You will be blocked from editing the next time you vandalize a page, as you did with (name of entry)."

      • That's a rather vague warning though, isn't it? (name of entry) could be anything.

        • memzilla

          [name of entry] is my redaction to refer to the last thing he edited.

      • kissawookiee

        Praytell, where in southern Illinois? I may or may not be from there originally (fall colors! wildflowers! the persimmons! ahhh, the persimmons!).

        • memzilla

          Where Homer and Marge live.

          • freddymcmurray

            I'm from Southern Illinois, and that town's not considered Southern Illinois… unless you live in Chicago.

          • South of 159th St. is "Downstate."

          • kissawookiee

            Word. My parents and their siblings went to school with the execrable John Shimkus' family, if that tells you anything, although the earlier-generation Shimki were a lot more fun.

        • mumbly_joe

          One of my best friends (the recently-mentioned not-voting-for-Gary-Johnson pagan science teacher) is from southern Illinois, by way of Rochester, NY. Makes for a very entertaining accent, for which I give her no end of grief.

      • mumbly_joe

        My money's on it being our spanky. If only because I'd prefer to believe there aren't two of them.

    • HistoriCat

      Bank executives don't change Wikipedia pages … they have people for that.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Impotence, thy name is Teabag.

  • Frost/Nixon/Robocop

    Messing with a Wikipedia page? The wingnuts have finally figured out how to troll the internet! Look out 2005! Next they're going to run around Barnes and Noble yelling, "Dumbledore dies!"

    • LesPaultard


      • Who?

        • LesPaultard

          Dumbledore? Say it ain't so!

      • UW8316154


    • Dumbledore can't die… He just can't.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Fuck-shit you assholes! Howabout a "spoiler alert" fer crissakes!?

        (And DO NOT tell me what happens in the second Twilight book!!)

    • LettucePrey

      This analogy fails. Wingnuts don't read.

      • …and they'd probably call him 'Dickledoor' once they figure out how to punch that goddamn monkey.

    • Negropolis

      Once they discover The Google, it's over; they'll bring heaven down on our heads when they find The Google. Lawd have mercy, don't let them get a hold of The Google.

      • Gleem_McShineys

        Just like Anonymous, with all their elite hax0r skillz, AOLnonymous will be striking fear into the internet, turning everything into Comic Sans powerpoints.

  • Callyson

    Anyone out there with a Wikipedia account? Who can change this to "Richard Joseph 'My Dick is Bigger than Any Teabagger's Dick' Durbin"?

    • poncho_pilot

      if my name was Dick Durbin i'd change my middle name to Richard, as well. gives you the options of being called Richard Dick Durbin without quotes and Dick Dick Durbin. kind of like duck, duck, goose i guess.

    • Barrelhse

      Actually, Callyson, I believe that was the original entry before the hacking.

    • Negropolis

      How bouts "Richard 'Suck on This Baggers' Durbin"?

    • My dread father-in-law's name is Dick, and believe me, there are much more original options out there.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Already fixed. For some reason, there's one flaming asshole wingnut who's got a hardon for editing Durbin's Wikipedia entry (see the discussion page), and I'm guessing that vandalizing the page was his final f-u before giving up and moving on to be an asshole somewhere else.

      Wiki pages that have any level of public interest are pretty well defended against the forces of Moron. (Even old Paul Revere has his guardians.)

  • Stupid liebruls. I gets all my nowlage from Conservapedia bekauze it's real informashun ritten buy smurt persons and not bekauze their are lots of pages on teh ghey.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Schlafly spends more time writing about gays than I do actually sleeping with gays.

      • Hon, she spends WAY more time thinking about LGBTQ peoples' sex lives than even we do. And we're not exactly known for being shy about fucking.

        • Again with the barbecues! Where's my invite?!

          • Oh, straight boys are so cute when they do that!

          • Tommmcattt

            I've repeatedly invited you to several "events", Chet, and you've yet to come for one of them…

          • Fare la Volpe

            He decided to come on his own.

            Performance anxiety.

    • I saw that movie! Wasn't it called … Charly, or something?

      • Algernon Rising.

        • I've never seen the film, but I read the book on which it was based when I was in primary school. Flowers for Algernon, by Daniel Keyes.

          Was the film any good?

          • It's funny, after I posted that stupid comment I actually wondered if "Flowers" had been made into a movie. Indeed it was. I read the book in grade school as well – it was an assignment actually.

            Then I read about Robertson and Begelman, and now I want to see the movie. So, long story short, haven't seen it yet.

          • I didn't know about Robertson and Begelman till you brought it up, but there's a great story on the LA Times about it that I just read. Fascinating. I will put this movie on my Netflix queue.

            Let me know what you think of it, if and when you see it!

  • OC_Surf_Serf_#OWS

    Since I don't use a big bank, I just send a "service fee" to Durbin's campaign.

  • KobayashiMaru

    It is truly a quantum leap of intellect and creativity to go from "Dick Durbin" to "Dickhole Durbin".

    • Fare la Volpe

      "Nobama" is just a stroke of genius.

      • Nah, 'Libunatic' is where it's at!!

        • Fare la Volpe

          "Lamestream Media" will always be a knee-slapper. A-hyuk!

          • I miss the days when they called us "moonbats."

          • I liked being a moonbat. The moon is cool. Bats are scary but cool. Moonbats must be really cool.

          • Negropolis

            Some might even say scary-cool.

          • user-of-owls

            Now do you see the ironic beauty of "Poopyhead"?

        • Indeed it is….

    • No one ever accuses conservatives of appreciating intelligence, let alone being intelligent.

    • Beowoof

      The comedic stylings of most righties is about the level of Soupy Sales.

      • poncho_pilot

        more like Thin Gruel.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Wait! —- Soupy once said : "I resemble that remark"…

      • Jukesgrrl

        I saw Soupy in an airport once. He was being very polite and friendly to all the people who approached him. That's more than we can say for the Speaker of Our House.

        • Unless the person approaching him says, "Another martini, Mr. Speaker?"

      • Geminisunmars

        Whadya talking about?! I grew up watching Soupy when I was in elementterry school, and he was really really really funny.

        • Beowoof

          Loved Soupy and a pie in the face for each of the debaters on stage last night would have been the perfect evening of television entertainment. And Soupy, much like the humor above was just about 3rd grade.

    • Mojopo

      Of all the dick words they pick dickhole? There's dick bag, dick face, dickhead, no dick, etc. Unless someone was riffing on "dill hole", which came about circa Beavis and Butthead. I'm going to guess the age of your Dickipedist is over 30.

  • WhatTheHeck

    If banks are people, then I hope those bastards can get arrested like regular people.

    • Wells "Fuckwad" Fargo?

      • Toomush_Infer

        Bank of Fucktard Amerika?…

      • Negropolis

        Fuckwad sounds a little A-Rab to me…

  • emmelemm

    Send them to bed without supper, cuz that's some 10-year-old humor right there.

  • get back to work, Schumer!

  • Would be funnier if it were 'Richard Bruce "Dickhole" Cheney'.

    • Beowoof

      Gets too close to being factual so teabaggers would not like the reference.

    • Or Richard "Santorum".

  • Rotundo_

    The fresh smell of republican snark, the brilliant wit, you can almost imagine the scent of cheetos, flop sweat and cum and basement mildew welling up around you as you read that. The poetry and prose of dumb fucks, ahhhh…

    • Toomush_Infer

      I think you're describing my basement ghetto office….

    • Jukesgrrl

      Well, most of them get paid for it, which is more than you can say about my posts.

  • OneYieldRegular

    That's very funny. It's also funny how being called sophomoric names wouldn't stop me from closing my accounts at Wells Fargo.

  • Ken will fix Romney's Wikipage to Mittens in 3, 2, 1…

    • user-of-owls

      I still don't understand why Willard's nickname from Massachusetts never caught on here: Mittwit

    • Negropolis

      Haha! That's cute. You think Ken would vandalizing Mitt's page with something as innocent as Mittens. lol

  • Wonderthing

    I'll see your "dickhole" and raise you two "santorums", you filthy whores.

    • Most people will not even know Senator Durbin had his wikipedia entry fooled with, but Rick Santorum's grandchildren will be googling the meaning of the family moniker for decades to come thanks to the Karmic wheel that is Google.

    • Yep.
      The santorum thing is genius. Pure genius.

  • RadioOcupados

    Jeesh, it's not like he is trying to reinstate Glass-Steagall or anything.

  • Lucidamente1

    I'll have you all know that some of my best friends are dickholes.

    • LesPaultard

      My gf has a very nice one.

      • user-of-owls

        I do too! Would be awful hard to pee without one. I've seen what plugged up water hoses look like!

  • chascates

    Better than his listing on Conservapedia.

  • Antispandex

    But, it's Wikipedia. The only people who read it are the lazy, and my wingnut in-laws. When they bring up the Wikipedia stuff, I just tell them to Google Santorum. Lots of them block me on Facebook. Why?

  • I guess we figured out what Breitbart is up to.

    Other than the crying in the closet because he desperately wants 1+ male(s) inside him and loathes himself so much for his obvious homosexuality that he has to babble about shooting folks for pointing out how much he wants to be at an all-one-can-gobble cock buffet.

  • JackObin

    I prefer dicknose to dickhole. It's slightly less childish.

    • user-of-owls

      It's slightly less childish. …and physically possible, too.

    • Barrelhse

      Some popular choices around here include "dickbreath" and the interesting combination "dickweed."

  • poncho_pilot

    lol. they're job creators, guys. not comedians! cut 'em slack. or give 'em enough rope. one of those.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Slightly OT, but what's even funnier is when ShittiBank gets to pay a $285 million fine for defrauding investors:

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Didn't they make billions betting against the shit they sold to the rubes? Still seems like a profit.

      • BlueStateLibel

        Yeah, it's just a slap on the wrist, but you know it kills them to even lose a dime.

    • As long as the fines are less than the rewards, the state is going to continue to encourage crime.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        At least in this case, ShittyBank came up short, to the tune of $95 mil. Yay for the good guys, I guess. Of course, if they took bailout money, that takes a lot of the fun out of it.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Dickhole?" What, did Beavis and Butthead finally "score" a computer?

    • hehhehheh, you said "score."

      Just in time for the new B&B series…

  • Numbat_Dundee

    Maybe they were just confusing him with the 18th Century highwayman, Dick Turpin.

    • poncho_pilot

      does he come equipped with a Korean-made radio which picks up nothing but Radio Pyongyang?

      • Numbat_Dundee

        Because when you think "18th Century British" highwayman your first thought is "North Korea" right?

        • poncho_pilot

          if you've read Good Omens, quite possibly, yes.

  • The China State Poisonous Toy Engineering/Manufacturing Company of Guangzhou is messing with Durbin's Wikipedia entry. If he doesn't back off on restricting the amount of poison in imported toys to 5,000% of domestic toys they well dip his children in lead paint.

    • Negropolis

      I won't believe that until I see something on Durbin's page making note that melamine is actually a delicious treat in moderation.

      • AJWjr.

        Just in time for Halloween giving!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Urethra Franklin is not amused.

    • dyedwool

      And will not sing or make an appearance at his Inaugural Bowl.

    • Negropolis

      Dick Butt-Kiss doesn't get what the big deal is over this.

    • memzilla

      Heywood, Ima, I.P., Hugh, Mike, and Homer are similarly unamused.

    • Neither is Joe Mama.

      • poncho_pilot

        don't forget Manuel L'abour.

        • What do you call a Mexican without a car?
          What do you call a Mexican with one leg shorter than the other?
          Not even.

          (Told to me by a Mexican, so it's all good!)

          • poncho_pilot

            people have often thought i'm Hispanic (or Jewish. really.) and i laughed. i am an awful pseudo-Hispanic.

  • That was not a very nice thing to do.

  • rocktonsam

    Meanwhile, writers at Fox Newz are being flogged for not thinking of that word first.

  • Jukesgrrl

    They keep this up since they can be secure in the knowledge that their actions have no consequences. Who's been punished for their subversive online activities? Bradley Manning, Julian Assange, that kid who hacked Lou Sarah's E-mail account, that's who. Not even the people who hack for Rupert Murdoch to earn megabucks have seen jail time.

    • RavenRant

      Clive Goodman was fired, convicted and jailed in 2007 for phone hacking for Murdoch. Glenn Mulcaire was also jailed. Never the people actally in charge, of course.

  • user-of-owls


    MSNBC has already identified the culprit, who apparently attended last night's debate:

    • not that Dewey

      If it's MSNBC, then "monkey with herpes" obviously refers to Pat Buchanan. He must have been spotted hanging around the Green Room.

      • user-of-owls

        I though his handle was "lemur with leprosy"?

        • I thought it was "hitlerwasahottie".

          • Negropolis


    • Blueb4sunrise

      Errrrr, it doesn't say ….like….is it genital herpes….or just like…. a cold sore…where if you kiss…..I only ask in the quest for complete news coverage………

      • user-of-owls

        One more example of the failure of modern journalism to inform the citizenry.

        Oh, and to answer your question: it's the type you get from liking a Fourth Branch.

    • Nostrildamus

      I thought Perry looked a little slow last night. Must have been that bullet in the brain.

  • e_z

    When it is investigated they'll find Jane Hathaway's finger prints all over this perversion of the sanctity of Wiki

  • My kid and his friends changed JK Rowling's entry to state that she was a member of Adolf Hitler's inner circle – and they tracked it down to the IP address and contacted me. Needless to say, someone had his internet privileges removed for a few hours.

    • That's funny. Don't tell the kid I said that.

    • Negropolis


      LOL @ "for a few hours."

    • Troglodeity

      You mean she wasn't?

      • mumbly_joe

        You know who else wrote a bestselling book involving a struggle?

  • iburl

    In case you were really curious about why they hate Dick Durbin:

    They do have reasons for what they think, albeit stupid asshole reasons, but reasons nonetheless.

    • Tommmcattt

      Haha, they are complete Morons. Have you seen their entry on "Greatest Conservative Songs"?

      Some excerpts:

      Fast Car by Tracy Chapman: Self-help, free market, division of labor, and a criticism of alcohol. "I know things will get better/You'll find work and I'll get promoted/We'll move out of the shelter/Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs"

      Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi:Organized labor is harmful to the welfare of workers; instead one must rely on a love for Christ and prayer.

      You Can't Hurry Love (You Just Have to Wait) by The Supremes: Abstinence for rock fans. Also performed by Phil Collins.

      It just gets better as it goes along….

      • BarackMyWorld

        Sweet fucking fuck: Check out "Examples of Bias in Wikipedia".

        • Dok-cupy Everything

          Rationalwiki's What's going on at Conservapedia? feature is always good for some laughs.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Holy crap! That large a mass of concentrated stupid is bound to go critical and detonate the whole internet. Someone should do something.

          • Dok-cupy Everything

            I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

        • It makes one wish that total lack of self-awareness caused cancer. Then our long national nightmare could finally be over.

      • GregComlish

        whoa, whoa, whoa, somehow White Christmas was wrongly categorized as "Debatable Whether Conservative". What could possibly be more conservative than a Pure White Christmas?

        • Tommmcattt

          Ir doesn't reference enough burning crosses and hanging parties, typical holiday activities of your average Conservapeidia user…

    • Nostrildamus

      No list of Conservapedia's greatest hits is complete without this:

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        They haven't yet invented the prize that this deserves.

        Off-planet Xtardian babble, or off-charts wicked satire? You decide.
        I'm leaning toward satire, but it's hard to distinguish expertly-crafted fake crazy from the genuine article. (It's a bit like trying to identify a parody of Mad Magazine: what clues would you look for?)

        • Dok-cupy Everything

          Poe's Law strikes again. (See also Poe's Corollary: "It is impossible for an act of Fundamentalism to be made that someone won't mistake for a parody.")

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Woo… down the rabbit hole we go:

            "Generally speaking, leading evolutionists generally no longer debate creation scientists because creation scientists tend to win the debates." This is from the Conservapedia entry on Poe's Law. But it's not presented as an example, it's presented in all seriousness — which makes it a perfect example. Maybe the whole Poe's Law entry is a parody — it's certainly absurd enough.

            Conservapedia has a huge problem, in that nobody can tell the genuine wingnut entries from the parody pages… not even the insiders. It's a Poe Paradox: Any new member of the Conservapedia project who's not as conservative as they are is liable to be chucked out, while any new member who is as conservative (or crazy) as they are is in serious danger of being called a parodist, and chucked out.

          • Dok-cupy Everything

            Dear Dawkins, that entry is brilliant. It convinced me to become a conservative Christian, because of course that is the only position that is rational and supported by evidence.

            One small disappointment–since much of the comedy on Conservapedia is found in the articles' talk pages, I waas disappointed that this one's talk page link just redirects to their main article on "creation science." Gotta love the illustration on that page, though.

  • Tommmcattt

    I say we go change all references to "Joe Lieberman" to "Miss Lindsey's Bitch". Who's with me?

    • MonsterAGoGo

      Also change his party affiliation to Republican just for honesy and truthiness.

  • What's he upset about? It's cheaper than having a BofA account. The free market is working!

  • RadioOcupados

    I hope this doesn't interrupt and annoy Erin Brunett.

    • RavenRant

      I will laugh and laugh when her show gets dropped for shitty ratings.

  • Schmannnity

    Oh, for the more genteel 2008s when Dickhole Durbin was then known by the A-Rab haters as Turban Durbin for criticizing Guantanemo.

  • ttommyunger

    Heh, heh, he said "Dick", heh, heh.

  • Ok, no snark here…. Bank of America is of course adding a $5.00 fee for using debit cards. Now figure this – I have a business checking account at B of A – and – my account is FREE if and ONLY IF I use my debit card at least once a month ($18.00 fee if I don't use the debit card)

    Explain that….

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Business good, peasant bad. What's hard to understand about that?

  • spends2much

    Dear Teabaggers,
    Instead of juvenile name-calling, take action! It is your right as an American to pay wicked high fees at your bank- it's in the Constitution, probably… when you use an ATM, after you make a withdrawal, go back into the bank, and give the teller 3 bucks. Unless you're a REAL Murrican, then you'll give her $5. Freedom depends on it.

  • Negropolis

    Heh. Dickhole Durbin. Heh. But, what with all of the Republican dicks? Dick Santorum, Dick Snyder, Dick Scott, Dick Perry, Dick Cheney, Dick Walker…well, the last one is a stretch, but, you know what they say, if the dick fits…

    For all of their dicks, though, they don't seem to have even one to share amongst themselves.

    • Not to mention Dick Cheney…

      • Negropolis

        He's in there, second from the end.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Hard to spot one salted dick in that Costco-sized bagful.

    • freddymcmurray

      You forgot Tricky Dicky.

  • Karl Rove's long term work of getting conservatives to basically mimic "Jackass" in their strategic planning has born some strange fruit indeed.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Did you hear what happened at recess? Johnnie ran up and called Durbin "Dickhole!" right on the playground in front of Mrs. Johnson and everything!

    • Barrelhse

      heh. You said "Johnson."

      • MilwaukeeKent

        Well, to me it's "Mrs. Johnson" when you put a tiny tutu on it.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Someone should monitor Congressional recesses more carefully.

  • Litlebritdifrnt

    OT – serious bleg. The Fogbow, a great anti birfer website who busts its ass going after the birfers by following the various trials and getting a whole bunch of transcripts has a forum owner who has contracted a serious illness. He has no health insurance, we are right now running a fundraiser for him. If you can help PLEASE go to The Fogbow and hit the contribute button, all of the donations that normally would go to the purchase of transcripts of birfer trials and hearings are currnetly going to Foggies medical bills.

    If you want to do something postiive, do this. I thank you in advance.

  • fuflans

    you know, i got nothing except 'fucking idiots'.

    yeah that's it.

  • obfuscator2

    in springfield, the local conservatives refer to him as "turban durbin". during the gitmo scandal, durbin spoke on the senate floor and said:

    "If I read this to you and did not tell you that it was an FBI agent describing what Americans had done to prisoners in their control, you would most certainly believe this must have been done by Nazis, Soviets in their gulags, or some mad regime – Pol Pot or others – that had no concern for human beings. Sadly, that is not the case. This was the action of Americans in the treatment of their prisoners."

    he was subsequently pressured by the left and the right to apologize for telling the truth, and he eventually caved. i'm still very proud to call him my senator.

    • RadioOcupados

      hey obs, it took a dickhole to bring you out of the woodwork.

  • I don't see how the Senator can overcome this.

  • bflrtsplk

    Durbin to wingnuts: All of yours put together: Still smaller than mine.

  • Mahousu

    Possibly more than one person tried this Wikipedia edit – the one I saw was from a Comcast user in the Mobile, Alabama area (the town of Eight Mile, to be exact). The Google Street View for the area is pretty sad, to put it mildly.

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