Some misguided wingnut (whoops, that’s a redunderancy there!) thought that the most critical entertainment items to mail all the way overseas to a bunch of U.S. troops stationed in Bumblefuck, Afghanistan were a couple boxes of crazed loofah-humper Bill O’Reilly’s book Pinheads and Patriots, presumably on the assumption that soldiers would enjoy masturbating to O’Reilly’s noxious screeds just as much as right-wing idiots. Wrong! Instead, the soldiers did the sensible thing and set them on fire.
From the Everqueer tumblr, which is maintained by an anonymous soldier:
Some jerk sent us two boxes of this awful book (SPOILER ALERT: George Washington – Patriot; George Soros – Pinhead) instead of anything soldiers at a remote outpost in Afghanistan might need, like, say, food or soap. Just burned the whole lot of them on my Commander’s orders.
The soldier later noted that this was mostly to preserve space, but that, eh, he still enjoyed burning them.
The motivation behind the order to burn them was not political. As mentioned in the original post, we are in an extraordinarily remote location. We don’t have a post office here, so sending them back wasn’t an option. Extra space is scarce and alternatives that a few mentioned, like recycling, are nonexistent. All waste is burned on the base and in town; wood and paper goes in that barrel. I was getting rid of a bunch of cardboard boxes and the books were in the burn pile. There were 20 of them. I saved one for the bookshelf. I’m aware of the historical implications of book-burning. I won’t say I didn’t take pleasure in removing a few copies of this bigoted twerp’s writings from circulation, but the reason for doing so was military necessity.
Sure sure, “military necessity,” but it would have been fine just to say it was because Bill O’Reilly is a “bigoted twerp,” because that’s all that needs to be said. [Everqueer via Gawker]
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Three cheers for our troops!
Hip. Hip. Hooray. Finally when Fahrenheit 451 is a good thing.
Ray Bradbury
approvesdisapprovesis confused by this.It was a sly Taliban operative who wanted to crush the morale of the U.S. soldiers who sent the books.
Andrea Makris
It could have just been a conservative that wants the U.S. to fail in Afghanistan order to score imaginary points against Obama.
Andrea Makris. Also.
LOL! I see what you did, there. Talk about book-ending.
It could have just been Borders getting rid of the merchandise left unsold after its going-out-of-business sale. If so, I'm sorry they insulted the intelligence of our troops, but they did throw some business to the Post Office. Job Creators!
Hermain Cain's campaign buys a lot of books…
…and to further stunt government-sponsored literacy campaigns as well.
In that case I finally get why Afghanistan was invaded. The Taliban are clearly evil and must be destroyed. I hope the UN weapons inspectors have quarantined all copies of Atlas Shrugged, that's a WMD if ever I saw one (Weapon of Massive Despair).
Does the book say whether Andrea Makris is a patriot or a pinhead?
Somewhere betwixt falafel and loofah, I'd reckon.
And very rich, at this point.
Why do our troops hate themselves?
No doubt because they are part of the 99% and therefore the enemy of the people.
DADT repeal, duh.
Fire…how does that work?
Never a miscommunication.
The books go in, the smoke comes out, how does that work?
Story of the Year. That is so full of win. Stay safe over there, guys, and thanks for what you do.
So they don't need toilet paper then?
Bill O'Reilly: Not even fit for butt-wipin'
And Palin's abrasiveness comes through even on paper.
No, they use "To Renew America" for that. The pages don't tear as easily.
You realize, of course, it might rub off; and nobody likes a dumb asshole, ask Bill.
The tea party looks forward to booing this soldier at the next debate.
I think they will be pretty torn. Book burning – usually good. Burning O'Reilly's screed, not so good.
He didn't gay-burn them, which would have been way better.
But his "tumblr" (WTF is that?) is called "Everqueer." It sounds like he DID gay-burn them.
My understanding is that "tumblr" is like a cross between "flickr" and "grindr". So, basically, yes.
We're winning hearts and minds, one, er, flaming 55 gallon drum at a time.
Let's send ALL his books over there.
Burn them over there so we don't have to burn them over here?
I hear Afghanistan gets pretty fucking cold in winter. Surely we could burn these books for *humanitarian* reasons?
Hell, let's send O'Reilly over there while we're at it.
Best idea of the day. +1, Dr.
And Limpballs, and Coultergeist, and…
I was really hoping we could Rushbo to Uganda – let him get up close and personal with the LRA.
The Chickenhawk Brigade Rides Again!
(Much though I love Al Franken, that was the weakest chapter of Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot..it was like one of those SNL skits that was funny for a couple of minutes, but ran out to fill half the time following Weekend Update.
Right on
I didn't know bullshit was combustible.
It is, but it stinks when you burn it.
They still need something to wipe their asses with.
Do you want Falafel O'Reilly near your pooper?
Winter is coming on, can we send Mooselini books too?
They should all be remaindered by now, certainly.
I'm surprised something that came from hell would burn so easily.
Where's Biel_ze_Bubba when you *really* need him?
We sent a .doc file, not printed copies. Really, people, where have you been?
Lollygagging? (runs away in terror)
I'm a leader, not a reader!
I've never supported the troops more in my life.
Looks like I may finally have found a home for my copy of "Of Thee I Zing"
The book
The book
The book is on fire
We don't need no water
Let the motherfucker burn
Burn motherfucker, burn
You sing so sweetly, MissTaken.
How'd the book get in there? Huh? Who put it there? How'd it get there ?!!
Flames go in, flames go out. You can't explain that.
So Bill-O finally got his ashes hauled.
Most Honorable Soldiers:
Please reply to me with your names, mailing addresses and sexual proclivities. I will send you all the soap, snacks and porn you want. May God bless each and every one of you.
Love Always,
Eve
Something tells me you'll be spending A LOT on porn.
It is a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the troops. And if I run out funds, I will just produce my own.
What a gal! Let me know if I can, you know, help in any way.
I must say the fine ladies of Teh Wonketz are exceptionally willing to sacrifice for the troops. ALL troops, not just those serving overseas.
You know he's liberal, because he clearly spent some time agonizing over the moral implications of burning a book, he saved a copy even though he hates it, and he felt the need to publicly justify actions that were totally and obviously justifiable.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Also, he called O'Reilly a bigot, and no true "patriot" would ever call that bigot a bigot.
Best way to heat a MRE yet! May need more Coulter books as well.
Those don't burn – although they are bone dry, they're also so cold that they cannot ignite.
If her photo is on the front even fire wouldn't want to get in the vicinity.
No doubt O'Reilly's resume now says he has been in Afghanistan and survived heavy fire.
Meanwhile, Geraldo considers sending some of his books so he can make the same claims.
B-E-S-T.
Just like Hillz?
Just hope whatever genius mailed these gets to see the fruit of their "gift".
Always knew ol' Bill'O was a complete waste of fucking space…right between his ears.
O'Reilly books are the fruitcakes of the publishing industry.
And you know tea party grandparents are thinking "should I send the fruitcake or the O'Reilly this year?"
See? Obama IS Hitler.
I am going to send naked pictures to these soldiers.
Um … you know, I've been soldiering on in this lonely cause for quite a while now, I mean, if you happen to have any spare nekky pikkies lying around, or anything …
You know, I sometimes call my apartment a lonely outpost. Sure could use some morale building.
Poor BillO — his audience can't read his book, and the people who could read it won't.
If this soldier is single and has filled out an e-harmony profile, I guessing nowhere in his profile does he mention "fingerbanging"…
BANG! BANG! BANG!
As if it wasn't bad enough to serve in Afghanistan without having to be sent books by pinhead pundits back home.
Aw, I'm so proud of our troops. With Christmas coming up there's no telling what looney gifts they'll get saddled with. But as a heads' up, comrades: if upon unpackaging you see the contents read "This is Herman Cain!" be assured, this is kindling a.k.a. yesterday's news.
I hope someone sends that soldier lots of copies of Sarah Palin's book so he can burn those too.
What treacherous idiot sends copies of Bill O'Reilly books to American soldiers? The idea is to *support* the troops, not demoralize and desensitize them.
Fahrenheit 11-11-11.
Bill O'Reilly? Did I just read Bill O'Reilly's name in the same sentence as the word "book"? Well, kids, gather round. It's time for a little O'Reilly redux. Get ready to be hot & bothered; it's O'Reilly "prose" from his "novel" Those Who Trespass:
"Say baby, put down that pipe and get my pipe up."
"I would like you to unhook your bra and let it slide down your arms. You can keep your shirt on."
"Cup your hands under your breasts and hold them for ten seconds."
"Off with those pants."
"Cunnilingus involves the lips and tongue."
"Visit your dentist regularly."
"Pipe slow-jam music into your shower!"
So I take it that the point of the title is that the punishment for trespass is to be forced to listen to that dialogue?
"Cunnilingus involves the lips and tongue."
"Visit your dentist regularly."
To be fair, that's just simple courtesy.
Courtesy calls for brushing the pubes from between your teeth before visiting the dentist.
Needs moar audio book.
Who sent this box o' books to our troops, and why does he/she hate America?
What a heartwarming story. I never thought book burning could make me feel so happy.
To totally send the wingnuts overboard, I wish he would have the base chaplain gay marry him to his buddy and they could use that book as the bible during the ceremony.
For laffs.
You go to war with the books you have, not the books you wish you had.
They should read them to prisoners in Gitmo – it could replace waterboarding.
Please tell me there are parts of this book that try to justify our continued presence in Afghanistan.
New motto for the 10th Mountain Division: "We're smarter than we look."
They burned O'Reilly's books so they're PINHEADS, but they're troops, so they're PATRIOTS, but they burned O'Reilly's books so they're PINHEADS, but they're troops so they're PATRIOTS, but they burned O'Reilly's books so they're PINHEADS, but they're troops so they're PATRIOTS, but they burned O'Reilly's books so they're PINHEADS, but they're troops so they're PATRIOTS!
(The average O'Reilly fan's cognitive dilemma upon hearing this news.)
Then they punch a fag and feel better.
perhaps they'll loop and explode, like a star trek fembot.
Republicans can read? I thought they just looked at picture bibles.
Regnery finally found a good use for all those remaindered books: Keeping our troops warm in a cold place. Get a good bed of coals going under them and you can heat a room pretty well with that fine literature. For those who suggest using it for wiping ones nether regions, I would say that someone will just have to burn the shit barrels anyhow, so why not just burn the book and get some heat from it. Besides which, the shit that has passed from those kids over there deserves more dignity than to be wiped with the wit and wisdom of Billo.
What pisses me off is someone probably got a tax writeoff for this stunt, and a transport plane wasted precious cargo space carrying them instead of something useful.
Books come in, books catch fire, you can't explain it.
They could have won some hearts and minds by giving them to the locals, say they were US American Bibles, and letting the Afghans burn them. Win-win for everyone!
They could have threatened the locals with giving them the books if they did not straighten up.
Wait'll BillO hears that they had plenty of space for hundreds copies of all of Al Franken's books.
They only read Al's books for the maps.
I can think of a much better use for these books than burning them, and it involves the latrine…
So this is the antipode of that Drudge story from this weekend? You know, the "Fuck The Troops" story that really didn't happen in Portland?
Suddenly a bunch of liberals should be all up and ecstatic that these brave fighting men and women are demonstrating intellect and insight… AND kicking ass.
Cop sneaks into your wife's back door, never a miscommunication.
I think that even Ray Bradbury would agree with that incendiary act. Burn, baby, burn!
I hope it is not the case but there have been reports that Mr. Bradbury has damaged his fine mind by listening to too much talk radio.
True fact: One of Bradbury's nephews is a friend of mine, and his wife was the first person I had to unfriend on facebook because of her "beliefs".
Mein Kampfire.
Falafel anyone?
No, I feel just fine, thanks.
I can hear Keith OIbermann's gleeful laugh all the way out here on the West Coast…
Not all books are created equal. Good on you, Montag!
Oh, so our military is turning. Victory is within reach.
Can we burn Bill-O himself now? For, um, military necessity?
You know who else burned boo-… ah fuck it this one is just too obvious
That guy in Florida?
Book goes in fire, book catches on fire. No one can explain that.
Hmm. I always wondered what Regnery did with all those copies of their books that they bought to bump them up the bestseller lists.
Seems they could have saved the postage and just burned them in the parking lot.
Were they autographed? Doesn't matter, Bill can do that in Hell,later.
They burned the books because O'Reilly is morally weak.
Burning these books is the soundest bit of hearts-and-minds strategy thus far employed over there.
This was obviously on orders of the commander-in-chief, President Obama of Kenya. Our warriors will always prefer to read Bill O'Reilly's thoughtful comments than waste their time reading the articles in Playboy and Penthouse.
they should have given them to the taliban. might have recognized a kindred spirit and stopped fighting us.
or used them as goat feed.
whatever.
I wonder what kind of anti-troop garbage loofah-man is going to spew upon hearing this. O'Reilly can't control his white rage but it makes great ratings.
I didn't know O'Reilly could write. The motherfucker can hardly read… I remember this video of him when he was doing Inside Edition or some shit like that throwing a tantrum because his teleprompter was blank and he couldn't figure out what to say. All he had to say was something like "Sting has a new album and here's a preview. Take it away…" and the cunt couldn't even say that. Instead, he yelled and gesticulated like the madman he is. I'm surprised he can even put two words together (can he?)
Burning books? Bad
Burning trash? Ok, in this context.
Standing O'Reilly against a wall for one of those firing squad thingies? Meh, maybe.
I can feel the comforting warmth of that Afghanistan fire all the way over here in Dumfukistan.
makes lousy body armor.
I think I already related here the time when I was in Kabul and BillO visited "the troops" and signed his books for them at Camp Eggers, I printed up and was going to have him sign Andrea Mackris's deposition there at the exchange. I chickened out at the last minute though, as he's a big motherfucker and he was also surrounded by fans of his, I figured it was not worth the trouble. 50-year-old Baldar doesn't have the stones that 25 or 30 year old Baldar had.
Prolly a good decision, Baldar. But I know you hate it. Don't feel bad, lots of us have let golden opportunities slip by after some thoughtful consideration. In the end, he isn't worth an ounce of pain on your part, fuck him.
Yeah. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor, and all that…
At least it helps to say that. I know from experience.
You know what they say about gifts … it's the thought that counts. And this was a good one.
I'm against burning books. Tearing 'em up for lining birdcages, fine. But since there are no parakeets in Afghanistan, fire in the hole!
One too few….
I no longer think that Military Intelligence is an oxymoron.
In the arena of ground troops, "Commander" is Jarhead Jargon, as in "Platoon Commander" as opposed to "Platoon Leader" (Army). Based on that assumption, I can only say: "Semper Fi, Motherfuckers; well done!".
the copies burned were more than copies read
The repeal of DADT really did change everything, huh? lol
Comment from the Commander: "I did it for the lulz."
FUCK IT! WE'LL BURN THEM LIVE!
Never thought I would like a troop.
Seems they could have strapped them to the outside of a Humvee, for a bit of extra protection. Maybe they didn't want to offend the locals.
Gonna burn a loofah in solidarity.
Is Mrs. Bill-O still bangin' that cop?
So, if I want to send them a present, it should be the complete works of every decent author on a memory stick?
Nice going. If you get the chance again, ask him to autograph a copy of this.
You should have added that said pita stand was frequented by nubile UCLA coeds, perhaps that would have sealed the deal.
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