patriotism

Soldiers In Afghanistan Burn Annoying Bill O’Reilly Books Someone Sent

And good riddance.Some misguided wingnut (whoops, that’s a redunderancy there!) thought that the most critical entertainment items to mail all the way overseas to a bunch of U.S. troops stationed in Bumblefuck, Afghanistan were a couple boxes of crazed loofah-humper Bill O’Reilly’s book Pinheads and Patriots, presumably on the assumption that soldiers would enjoy masturbating to O’Reilly’s noxious screeds just as much as right-wing idiots. Wrong! Instead, the soldiers did the sensible thing and set them on fire.

From the Everqueer tumblr, which is maintained by an anonymous soldier:

Some jerk sent us two boxes of this awful book (SPOILER ALERT: George Washington – Patriot; George Soros – Pinhead) instead of anything soldiers at a remote outpost in Afghanistan might need, like, say, food or soap. Just burned the whole lot of them on my Commander’s orders.

The soldier later noted that this was mostly to preserve space, but that, eh, he still enjoyed burning them.

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The motivation behind the order to burn them was not political. As mentioned in the original post, we are in an extraordinarily remote location. We don’t have a post office here, so sending them back wasn’t an option. Extra space is scarce and alternatives that a few mentioned, like recycling, are nonexistent. All waste is burned on the base and in town; wood and paper goes in that barrel. I was getting rid of a bunch of cardboard boxes and the books were in the burn pile. There were 20 of them. I saved one for the bookshelf. I’m aware of the historical implications of book-burning. I won’t say I didn’t take pleasure in removing a few copies of this bigoted twerp’s writings from circulation, but the reason for doing so was military necessity.

Sure sure, “military necessity,” but it would have been fine just to say it was because Bill O’Reilly is a “bigoted twerp,” because that’s all that needs to be said. [Everqueer via Gawker]

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155 comments

    1. Jukesgrrl

      It could have just been Borders getting rid of the merchandise left unsold after its going-out-of-business sale. If so, I'm sorry they insulted the intelligence of our troops, but they did throw some business to the Post Office. Job Creators!

    2. Numbat_Dundee

      In that case I finally get why Afghanistan was invaded. The Taliban are clearly evil and must be destroyed. I hope the UN weapons inspectors have quarantined all copies of Atlas Shrugged, that's a WMD if ever I saw one (Weapon of Massive Despair).

  1. WVUer21

    Story of the Year. That is so full of win. Stay safe over there, guys, and thanks for what you do.

    1. Geminisunmars

      I think they will be pretty torn. Book burning – usually good. Burning O'Reilly's screed, not so good.

      1. mumbly_joe

        My understanding is that "tumblr" is like a cross between "flickr" and "grindr". So, basically, yes.

    1. Michele_Blachmann

      Burn them over there so we don't have to burn them over here?

      I hear Afghanistan gets pretty fucking cold in winter. Surely we could burn these books for *humanitarian* reasons?

        1. HistoriCat

          I was really hoping we could Rushbo to Uganda – let him get up close and personal with the LRA.

        2. Dok-cupy Everything

          The Chickenhawk Brigade Rides Again!

          (Much though I love Al Franken, that was the weakest chapter of Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot..it was like one of those SNL skits that was funny for a couple of minutes, but ran out to fill half the time following Weekend Update.

  2. MissTaken

    The book
    The book
    The book is on fire
    We don't need no water
    Let the motherfucker burn
    Burn motherfucker, burn

  3. Eve8Apples

    Most Honorable Soldiers:

    Please reply to me with your names, mailing addresses and sexual proclivities. I will send you all the soap, snacks and porn you want. May God bless each and every one of you.

    Love Always,
    Eve

      1. Eve8Apples

        It is a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the troops. And if I run out funds, I will just produce my own.

        1. Michele_Blachmann

          What a gal! Let me know if I can, you know, help in any way.

          I must say the fine ladies of Teh Wonketz are exceptionally willing to sacrifice for the troops. ALL troops, not just those serving overseas.

  4. edgydrifter

    You know he's liberal, because he clearly spent some time agonizing over the moral implications of burning a book, he saved a copy even though he hates it, and he felt the need to publicly justify actions that were totally and obviously justifiable.

    1. tihond

      And you know tea party grandparents are thinking "should I send the fruitcake or the O'Reilly this year?"

    1. Michele_Blachmann

      Um … you know, I've been soldiering on in this lonely cause for quite a while now, I mean, if you happen to have any spare nekky pikkies lying around, or anything …

    2. DashboardBuddha

      You know, I sometimes call my apartment a lonely outpost. Sure could use some morale building.

  5. DahBoner

    If this soldier is single and has filled out an e-harmony profile, I guessing nowhere in his profile does he mention "fingerbanging"…

    BANG! BANG! BANG!

  6. paris biltong

    As if it wasn't bad enough to serve in Afghanistan without having to be sent books by pinhead pundits back home.

  7. Mumbletypeg

    Aw, I'm so proud of our troops. With Christmas coming up there's no telling what looney gifts they'll get saddled with. But as a heads' up, comrades: if upon unpackaging you see the contents read "This is Herman Cain!" be assured, this is kindling a.k.a. yesterday's news.

  8. pinkocommi

    I hope someone sends that soldier lots of copies of Sarah Palin's book so he can burn those too.

  9. OneYieldRegular

    What treacherous idiot sends copies of Bill O'Reilly books to American soldiers? The idea is to *support* the troops, not demoralize and desensitize them.

  10. Mort_Sinclair

    Bill O'Reilly? Did I just read Bill O'Reilly's name in the same sentence as the word "book"? Well, kids, gather round. It's time for a little O'Reilly redux. Get ready to be hot & bothered; it's O'Reilly "prose" from his "novel" Those Who Trespass:

    "Say baby, put down that pipe and get my pipe up."
    "I would like you to unhook your bra and let it slide down your arms. You can keep your shirt on."
    "Cup your hands under your breasts and hold them for ten seconds."
    "Off with those pants."
    "Cunnilingus involves the lips and tongue."
    "Visit your dentist regularly."
    "Pipe slow-jam music into your shower!"

    1. Chichikovovich

      So I take it that the point of the title is that the punishment for trespass is to be forced to listen to that dialogue?

    2. mumbly_joe

      "Cunnilingus involves the lips and tongue."
      "Visit your dentist regularly."

      To be fair, that's just simple courtesy.

  11. Trannysurprise

    To totally send the wingnuts overboard, I wish he would have the base chaplain gay marry him to his buddy and they could use that book as the bible during the ceremony.

    For laffs.

  12. BarackMyWorld

    Please tell me there are parts of this book that try to justify our continued presence in Afghanistan.

  13. KobayashiMaru

    They burned O'Reilly's books so they're PINHEADS, but they're troops, so they're PATRIOTS, but they burned O'Reilly's books so they're PINHEADS, but they're troops so they're PATRIOTS, but they burned O'Reilly's books so they're PINHEADS, but they're troops so they're PATRIOTS, but they burned O'Reilly's books so they're PINHEADS, but they're troops so they're PATRIOTS!

    (The average O'Reilly fan's cognitive dilemma upon hearing this news.)

  14. Rotundo_

    Regnery finally found a good use for all those remaindered books: Keeping our troops warm in a cold place. Get a good bed of coals going under them and you can heat a room pretty well with that fine literature. For those who suggest using it for wiping ones nether regions, I would say that someone will just have to burn the shit barrels anyhow, so why not just burn the book and get some heat from it. Besides which, the shit that has passed from those kids over there deserves more dignity than to be wiped with the wit and wisdom of Billo.

    1. AJWjr.

      What pisses me off is someone probably got a tax writeoff for this stunt, and a transport plane wasted precious cargo space carrying them instead of something useful.

  15. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    They could have won some hearts and minds by giving them to the locals, say they were US American Bibles, and letting the Afghans burn them. Win-win for everyone!

  16. HobbesEvilTwin

    Wait'll BillO hears that they had plenty of space for hundreds copies of all of Al Franken's books.

  17. Tommmcattt

    I can think of a much better use for these books than burning them, and it involves the latrine…

  18. OccupyFnChicken

    So this is the antipode of that Drudge story from this weekend? You know, the "Fuck The Troops" story that really didn't happen in Portland?

    Suddenly a bunch of liberals should be all up and ecstatic that these brave fighting men and women are demonstrating intellect and insight… AND kicking ass.

    1. OzoneTom

      I hope it is not the case but there have been reports that Mr. Bradbury has damaged his fine mind by listening to too much talk radio.

      1. AJWjr.

        True fact: One of Bradbury's nephews is a friend of mine, and his wife was the first person I had to unfriend on facebook because of her "beliefs".

  19. HogeyeGrex

    Hmm. I always wondered what Regnery did with all those copies of their books that they bought to bump them up the bestseller lists.

    Seems they could have saved the postage and just burned them in the parking lot.

  20. user-of-owls

    Burning these books is the soundest bit of hearts-and-minds strategy thus far employed over there.

  21. owhatever

    This was obviously on orders of the commander-in-chief, President Obama of Kenya. Our warriors will always prefer to read Bill O'Reilly's thoughtful comments than waste their time reading the articles in Playboy and Penthouse.

  22. fuflans

    they should have given them to the taliban. might have recognized a kindred spirit and stopped fighting us.

    or used them as goat feed.

    whatever.

  23. El Pinche

    I wonder what kind of anti-troop garbage loofah-man is going to spew upon hearing this. O'Reilly can't control his white rage but it makes great ratings.

  24. subsum

    I didn't know O'Reilly could write. The motherfucker can hardly read… I remember this video of him when he was doing Inside Edition or some shit like that throwing a tantrum because his teleprompter was blank and he couldn't figure out what to say. All he had to say was something like "Sting has a new album and here's a preview. Take it away…" and the cunt couldn't even say that. Instead, he yelled and gesticulated like the madman he is. I'm surprised he can even put two words together (can he?)

  25. Antispandex

    Burning books? Bad
    Burning trash? Ok, in this context.
    Standing O'Reilly against a wall for one of those firing squad thingies? Meh, maybe.

  26. MiniMencken

    I can feel the comforting warmth of that Afghanistan fire all the way over here in Dumfukistan.

  27. BaldarTFlagass

    I think I already related here the time when I was in Kabul and BillO visited "the troops" and signed his books for them at Camp Eggers, I printed up and was going to have him sign Andrea Mackris's deposition there at the exchange. I chickened out at the last minute though, as he's a big motherfucker and he was also surrounded by fans of his, I figured it was not worth the trouble. 50-year-old Baldar doesn't have the stones that 25 or 30 year old Baldar had.

    1. ttommyunger

      Prolly a good decision, Baldar. But I know you hate it. Don't feel bad, lots of us have let golden opportunities slip by after some thoughtful consideration. In the end, he isn't worth an ounce of pain on your part, fuck him.

  28. exmartinette

    I'm against burning books. Tearing 'em up for lining birdcages, fine. But since there are no parakeets in Afghanistan, fire in the hole!

  29. ttommyunger

    In the arena of ground troops, "Commander" is Jarhead Jargon, as in "Platoon Commander" as opposed to "Platoon Leader" (Army). Based on that assumption, I can only say: "Semper Fi, Motherfuckers; well done!".

  30. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Seems they could have strapped them to the outside of a Humvee, for a bit of extra protection. Maybe they didn't want to offend the locals.

  31. comrad_darkness

    So, if I want to send them a present, it should be the complete works of every decent author on a memory stick?

Comments are closed.