PATRIOTISM  4:59 pm October 19, 2011

Soldiers In Afghanistan Burn Annoying Bill O’Reilly Books Someone Sent

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

And good riddance.Some misguided wingnut (whoops, that’s a redunderancy there!) thought that the most critical entertainment items to mail all the way overseas to a bunch of U.S. troops stationed in Bumblefuck, Afghanistan were a couple boxes of crazed loofah-humper Bill O’Reilly’s book Pinheads and Patriots, presumably on the assumption that soldiers would enjoy masturbating to O’Reilly’s noxious screeds just as much as right-wing idiots. Wrong! Instead, the soldiers did the sensible thing and set them on fire.

From the Everqueer tumblr, which is maintained by an anonymous soldier:

Some jerk sent us two boxes of this awful book (SPOILER ALERT: George Washington – Patriot; George Soros – Pinhead) instead of anything soldiers at a remote outpost in Afghanistan might need, like, say, food or soap. Just burned the whole lot of them on my Commander’s orders.

The soldier later noted that this was mostly to preserve space, but that, eh, he still enjoyed burning them.

The motivation behind the order to burn them was not political. As mentioned in the original post, we are in an extraordinarily remote location. We don’t have a post office here, so sending them back wasn’t an option. Extra space is scarce and alternatives that a few mentioned, like recycling, are nonexistent. All waste is burned on the base and in town; wood and paper goes in that barrel. I was getting rid of a bunch of cardboard boxes and the books were in the burn pile. There were 20 of them. I saved one for the bookshelf. I’m aware of the historical implications of book-burning. I won’t say I didn’t take pleasure in removing a few copies of this bigoted twerp’s writings from circulation, but the reason for doing so was military necessity.

Sure sure, “military necessity,” but it would have been fine just to say it was because Bill O’Reilly is a “bigoted twerp,” because that’s all that needs to be said. [Everqueer via Gawker]

 

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{ 155 comments }

nounverb911 October 19, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Three cheers for our troops!

WunkRocker October 19, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Hip. Hip. Hooray. Finally when Fahrenheit 451 is a good thing.

nounverb911 October 19, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Ray Bradbury approves disapproves is confused by this.

donner_froh October 19, 2011 at 5:02 pm

It was a sly Taliban operative who wanted to crush the morale of the U.S. soldiers who sent the books.

glamourdammerung October 19, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Andrea Makris

It could have just been a conservative that wants the U.S. to fail in Afghanistan order to score imaginary points against Obama.

Andrea Makris. Also.

Negropolis October 19, 2011 at 11:14 pm

LOL! I see what you did, there. Talk about book-ending.

Jukesgrrl October 19, 2011 at 5:21 pm

It could have just been Borders getting rid of the merchandise left unsold after its going-out-of-business sale. If so, I'm sorry they insulted the intelligence of our troops, but they did throw some business to the Post Office. Job Creators!

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 19, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Hermain Cain's campaign buys a lot of books…

user-of-owls October 19, 2011 at 6:29 pm

…and to further stunt government-sponsored literacy campaigns as well.

Numbat_Dundee October 19, 2011 at 8:00 pm

In that case I finally get why Afghanistan was invaded. The Taliban are clearly evil and must be destroyed. I hope the UN weapons inspectors have quarantined all copies of Atlas Shrugged, that's a WMD if ever I saw one (Weapon of Massive Despair).

nounverb911 October 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Does the book say whether Andrea Makris is a patriot or a pinhead?

bagofmice October 19, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Somewhere betwixt falafel and loofah, I'd reckon.

Jukesgrrl October 19, 2011 at 5:22 pm

And very rich, at this point.

SexySmurf October 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Why do our troops hate themselves?

Maman October 19, 2011 at 5:35 pm

No doubt because they are part of the 99% and therefore the enemy of the people.

Crank_Tango October 19, 2011 at 5:41 pm

DADT repeal, duh.

OC_Surf_Serf_#OWS October 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Fire…how does that work?

bagofmice October 19, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Never a miscommunication.

Ancient_Hacker October 19, 2011 at 8:33 pm

The books go in, the smoke comes out, how does that work?

WVUer21 October 19, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Story of the Year. That is so full of win. Stay safe over there, guys, and thanks for what you do.

finallyhappy October 19, 2011 at 5:04 pm

So they don't need toilet paper then?

ProgressiveInga October 19, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Bill O'Reilly: Not even fit for butt-wipin'

northernbassist October 19, 2011 at 5:16 pm

And Palin's abrasiveness comes through even on paper.

mourningnmerica October 19, 2011 at 5:28 pm

No, they use "To Renew America" for that. The pages don't tear as easily.

ttommyunger October 19, 2011 at 9:49 pm

You realize, of course, it might rub off; and nobody likes a dumb asshole, ask Bill.

tihond October 19, 2011 at 5:04 pm

The tea party looks forward to booing this soldier at the next debate.

Geminisunmars October 19, 2011 at 5:14 pm

I think they will be pretty torn. Book burning – usually good. Burning O'Reilly's screed, not so good.

PocketsTheClown October 19, 2011 at 5:05 pm

He didn't gay-burn them, which would have been way better.

emmelemm October 19, 2011 at 5:18 pm

But his "tumblr" (WTF is that?) is called "Everqueer." It sounds like he DID gay-burn them.

mumbly_joe October 19, 2011 at 5:38 pm

My understanding is that "tumblr" is like a cross between "flickr" and "grindr". So, basically, yes.

PocketsTheClown October 19, 2011 at 5:51 pm

We're winning hearts and minds, one, er, flaming 55 gallon drum at a time.

yrbmegr October 19, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Let's send ALL his books over there.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Burn them over there so we don't have to burn them over here?

I hear Afghanistan gets pretty fucking cold in winter. Surely we could burn these books for *humanitarian* reasons?

Dr_Zoidberg October 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Hell, let's send O'Reilly over there while we're at it.

PocketsTheClown October 19, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Best idea of the day. +1, Dr.

Callyson October 19, 2011 at 5:50 pm

And Limpballs, and Coultergeist, and…

HistoriCat October 19, 2011 at 5:56 pm

I was really hoping we could Rushbo to Uganda – let him get up close and personal with the LRA.

Dok-cupy Everything October 19, 2011 at 6:07 pm

The Chickenhawk Brigade Rides Again!

(Much though I love Al Franken, that was the weakest chapter of Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot..it was like one of those SNL skits that was funny for a couple of minutes, but ran out to fill half the time following Weekend Update.

DashboardBuddha October 19, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Right on

PuckStopsHere October 19, 2011 at 5:05 pm

I didn't know bullshit was combustible.

hagajim October 19, 2011 at 5:39 pm

It is, but it stinks when you burn it.

SheriffRoscoe October 19, 2011 at 5:06 pm

They still need something to wipe their asses with.

glamourdammerung October 19, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Do you want Falafel O'Reilly near your pooper?

weejee October 19, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Winter is coming on, can we send Mooselini books too?

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm

They should all be remaindered by now, certainly.

Frost/Nixon/Robocop October 19, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I'm surprised something that came from hell would burn so easily.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Where's Biel_ze_Bubba when you *really* need him?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 20, 2011 at 1:51 am

We sent a .doc file, not printed copies. Really, people, where have you been?

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Lollygagging? (runs away in terror)

i_AM_ready October 19, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I'm a leader, not a reader!

PoopFilledSquadCar October 19, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I've never supported the troops more in my life.

metamarcisf October 19, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Looks like I may finally have found a home for my copy of "Of Thee I Zing"

MissTaken October 19, 2011 at 5:09 pm

The book
The book
The book is on fire
We don't need no water
Let the motherfucker burn
Burn motherfucker, burn

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm

You sing so sweetly, MissTaken.

PoopFilledSquadCar October 19, 2011 at 5:09 pm

How'd the book get in there? Huh? Who put it there? How'd it get there ?!!

YouBetcha October 19, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Flames go in, flames go out. You can't explain that.

Angry_Marmot October 19, 2011 at 7:33 pm

So Bill-O finally got his ashes hauled.

Eve8Apples October 19, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Most Honorable Soldiers:

Please reply to me with your names, mailing addresses and sexual proclivities. I will send you all the soap, snacks and porn you want. May God bless each and every one of you.

Love Always,
Eve

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Something tells me you'll be spending A LOT on porn.

Eve8Apples October 19, 2011 at 5:21 pm

It is a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the troops. And if I run out funds, I will just produce my own.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 5:25 pm

What a gal! Let me know if I can, you know, help in any way.

I must say the fine ladies of Teh Wonketz are exceptionally willing to sacrifice for the troops. ALL troops, not just those serving overseas.

edgydrifter October 19, 2011 at 5:10 pm

You know he's liberal, because he clearly spent some time agonizing over the moral implications of burning a book, he saved a copy even though he hates it, and he felt the need to publicly justify actions that were totally and obviously justifiable.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Negropolis October 19, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Also, he called O'Reilly a bigot, and no true "patriot" would ever call that bigot a bigot.

chascates October 19, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Best way to heat a MRE yet! May need more Coulter books as well.

MrFizzy October 19, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Those don't burn – although they are bone dry, they're also so cold that they cannot ignite.

jus_wonderin October 19, 2011 at 5:44 pm

If her photo is on the front even fire wouldn't want to get in the vicinity.

Wilcoxyz October 19, 2011 at 5:11 pm

No doubt O'Reilly's resume now says he has been in Afghanistan and survived heavy fire.

tihond October 19, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Meanwhile, Geraldo considers sending some of his books so he can make the same claims.

mourningnmerica October 19, 2011 at 5:31 pm

B-E-S-T.

Guppy06 October 19, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Just like Hillz?

SorosBot October 19, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Just hope whatever genius mailed these gets to see the fruit of their "gift".

hagajim October 19, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Always knew ol' Bill'O was a complete waste of fucking space…right between his ears.

JackDempsey1 October 19, 2011 at 5:12 pm

O'Reilly books are the fruitcakes of the publishing industry.

tihond October 19, 2011 at 5:15 pm

And you know tea party grandparents are thinking "should I send the fruitcake or the O'Reilly this year?"

Dok-cupy Everything October 19, 2011 at 5:12 pm

See? Obama IS Hitler.

YouBetcha October 19, 2011 at 5:12 pm

I am going to send naked pictures to these soldiers.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Um … you know, I've been soldiering on in this lonely cause for quite a while now, I mean, if you happen to have any spare nekky pikkies lying around, or anything …

DashboardBuddha October 19, 2011 at 6:04 pm

You know, I sometimes call my apartment a lonely outpost. Sure could use some morale building.

SayItWithWookies October 19, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Poor BillO — his audience can't read his book, and the people who could read it won't.

DahBoner October 19, 2011 at 5:14 pm

If this soldier is single and has filled out an e-harmony profile, I guessing nowhere in his profile does he mention "fingerbanging"…

BANG! BANG! BANG!

paris biltong October 19, 2011 at 5:14 pm

As if it wasn't bad enough to serve in Afghanistan without having to be sent books by pinhead pundits back home.

Mumbletypeg October 19, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Aw, I'm so proud of our troops. With Christmas coming up there's no telling what looney gifts they'll get saddled with. But as a heads' up, comrades: if upon unpackaging you see the contents read "This is Herman Cain!" be assured, this is kindling a.k.a. yesterday's news.

pinkocommi October 19, 2011 at 5:18 pm

I hope someone sends that soldier lots of copies of Sarah Palin's book so he can burn those too.

OneYieldRegular October 19, 2011 at 5:19 pm

What treacherous idiot sends copies of Bill O'Reilly books to American soldiers? The idea is to *support* the troops, not demoralize and desensitize them.

mourningnmerica October 19, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Fahrenheit 11-11-11.

Mort_Sinclair October 19, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Bill O'Reilly? Did I just read Bill O'Reilly's name in the same sentence as the word "book"? Well, kids, gather round. It's time for a little O'Reilly redux. Get ready to be hot & bothered; it's O'Reilly "prose" from his "novel" Those Who Trespass:

"Say baby, put down that pipe and get my pipe up."
"I would like you to unhook your bra and let it slide down your arms. You can keep your shirt on."
"Cup your hands under your breasts and hold them for ten seconds."
"Off with those pants."
"Cunnilingus involves the lips and tongue."
"Visit your dentist regularly."
"Pipe slow-jam music into your shower!"

Chichikovovich October 19, 2011 at 5:37 pm

So I take it that the point of the title is that the punishment for trespass is to be forced to listen to that dialogue?

mumbly_joe October 19, 2011 at 5:40 pm

"Cunnilingus involves the lips and tongue."
"Visit your dentist regularly."

To be fair, that's just simple courtesy.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 20, 2011 at 1:55 am

Courtesy calls for brushing the pubes from between your teeth before visiting the dentist.

imissopus October 20, 2011 at 1:12 am

Needs moar audio book.

MzNicky October 19, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Who sent this box o' books to our troops, and why does he/she hate America?

mourningnmerica October 19, 2011 at 5:25 pm

What a heartwarming story. I never thought book burning could make me feel so happy.

Trannysurprise October 19, 2011 at 5:25 pm

To totally send the wingnuts overboard, I wish he would have the base chaplain gay marry him to his buddy and they could use that book as the bible during the ceremony.

For laffs.

Jukesgrrl October 19, 2011 at 5:25 pm

You go to war with the books you have, not the books you wish you had.

MrFizzy October 19, 2011 at 5:26 pm

They should read them to prisoners in Gitmo – it could replace waterboarding.

BarackMyWorld October 19, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Please tell me there are parts of this book that try to justify our continued presence in Afghanistan.

slithytoves October 19, 2011 at 5:27 pm

New motto for the 10th Mountain Division: "We're smarter than we look."

KobayashiMaru October 19, 2011 at 5:29 pm

They burned O'Reilly's books so they're PINHEADS, but they're troops, so they're PATRIOTS, but they burned O'Reilly's books so they're PINHEADS, but they're troops so they're PATRIOTS, but they burned O'Reilly's books so they're PINHEADS, but they're troops so they're PATRIOTS, but they burned O'Reilly's books so they're PINHEADS, but they're troops so they're PATRIOTS!

(The average O'Reilly fan's cognitive dilemma upon hearing this news.)

Tommmcattt October 19, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Then they punch a fag and feel better.

Soylent Green October 19, 2011 at 7:38 pm

perhaps they'll loop and explode, like a star trek fembot.

JackObin October 19, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Republicans can read? I thought they just looked at picture bibles.

Rotundo_ October 19, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Regnery finally found a good use for all those remaindered books: Keeping our troops warm in a cold place. Get a good bed of coals going under them and you can heat a room pretty well with that fine literature. For those who suggest using it for wiping ones nether regions, I would say that someone will just have to burn the shit barrels anyhow, so why not just burn the book and get some heat from it. Besides which, the shit that has passed from those kids over there deserves more dignity than to be wiped with the wit and wisdom of Billo.

AJWjr. October 19, 2011 at 11:59 pm

What pisses me off is someone probably got a tax writeoff for this stunt, and a transport plane wasted precious cargo space carrying them instead of something useful.

Chichikovovich October 19, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Books come in, books catch fire, you can't explain it.

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 19, 2011 at 5:41 pm

They could have won some hearts and minds by giving them to the locals, say they were US American Bibles, and letting the Afghans burn them. Win-win for everyone!

glamourdammerung October 19, 2011 at 5:41 pm

They could have threatened the locals with giving them the books if they did not straighten up.

HobbesEvilTwin October 19, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Wait'll BillO hears that they had plenty of space for hundreds copies of all of Al Franken's books.

user-of-owls October 19, 2011 at 6:35 pm

They only read Al's books for the maps.

Tommmcattt October 19, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I can think of a much better use for these books than burning them, and it involves the latrine…

OccupyFnChicken October 19, 2011 at 5:43 pm

So this is the antipode of that Drudge story from this weekend? You know, the "Fuck The Troops" story that really didn't happen in Portland?

Suddenly a bunch of liberals should be all up and ecstatic that these brave fighting men and women are demonstrating intellect and insight… AND kicking ass.

metamarcisf October 19, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Cop sneaks into your wife's back door, never a miscommunication.

Dudleydidwrong October 19, 2011 at 5:50 pm

I think that even Ray Bradbury would agree with that incendiary act. Burn, baby, burn!

OzoneTom October 19, 2011 at 6:56 pm

I hope it is not the case but there have been reports that Mr. Bradbury has damaged his fine mind by listening to too much talk radio.

AJWjr. October 20, 2011 at 12:14 am

True fact: One of Bradbury's nephews is a friend of mine, and his wife was the first person I had to unfriend on facebook because of her "beliefs".

RadioOcupados October 19, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Mein Kampfire.

randomsausage October 19, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Falafel anyone?

Dok-cupy Everything October 19, 2011 at 6:04 pm

No, I feel just fine, thanks.

Callyson October 19, 2011 at 5:56 pm

I can hear Keith OIbermann's gleeful laugh all the way out here on the West Coast…

HarryButtle October 19, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Not all books are created equal. Good on you, Montag!

BlueStateLibel October 19, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Oh, so our military is turning. Victory is within reach.

HedonismBot October 19, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Can we burn Bill-O himself now? For, um, military necessity?

TanzbodenKoenig October 19, 2011 at 6:17 pm

You know who else burned boo-… ah fuck it this one is just too obvious

HedonismBot October 19, 2011 at 6:23 pm

That guy in Florida?

Nopantsmcgee October 19, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Book goes in fire, book catches on fire. No one can explain that.

HogeyeGrex October 19, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Hmm. I always wondered what Regnery did with all those copies of their books that they bought to bump them up the bestseller lists.

Seems they could have saved the postage and just burned them in the parking lot.

meatlofer October 19, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Were they autographed? Doesn't matter, Bill can do that in Hell,later.

user-of-owls October 19, 2011 at 6:33 pm

They burned the books because O'Reilly is morally weak.

user-of-owls October 19, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Burning these books is the soundest bit of hearts-and-minds strategy thus far employed over there.

owhatever October 19, 2011 at 6:41 pm

This was obviously on orders of the commander-in-chief, President Obama of Kenya. Our warriors will always prefer to read Bill O'Reilly's thoughtful comments than waste their time reading the articles in Playboy and Penthouse.

fuflans October 19, 2011 at 6:45 pm

they should have given them to the taliban. might have recognized a kindred spirit and stopped fighting us.

or used them as goat feed.

whatever.

El Pinche October 19, 2011 at 6:50 pm

I wonder what kind of anti-troop garbage loofah-man is going to spew upon hearing this. O'Reilly can't control his white rage but it makes great ratings.

subsum October 19, 2011 at 7:04 pm

I didn't know O'Reilly could write. The motherfucker can hardly read… I remember this video of him when he was doing Inside Edition or some shit like that throwing a tantrum because his teleprompter was blank and he couldn't figure out what to say. All he had to say was something like "Sting has a new album and here's a preview. Take it away…" and the cunt couldn't even say that. Instead, he yelled and gesticulated like the madman he is. I'm surprised he can even put two words together (can he?)

Antispandex October 19, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Burning books? Bad
Burning trash? Ok, in this context.
Standing O'Reilly against a wall for one of those firing squad thingies? Meh, maybe.

MiniMencken October 19, 2011 at 7:17 pm

I can feel the comforting warmth of that Afghanistan fire all the way over here in Dumfukistan.

Soylent Green October 19, 2011 at 7:36 pm

makes lousy body armor.

BaldarTFlagass October 19, 2011 at 7:55 pm

I think I already related here the time when I was in Kabul and BillO visited "the troops" and signed his books for them at Camp Eggers, I printed up and was going to have him sign Andrea Mackris's deposition there at the exchange. I chickened out at the last minute though, as he's a big motherfucker and he was also surrounded by fans of his, I figured it was not worth the trouble. 50-year-old Baldar doesn't have the stones that 25 or 30 year old Baldar had.

ttommyunger October 19, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Prolly a good decision, Baldar. But I know you hate it. Don't feel bad, lots of us have let golden opportunities slip by after some thoughtful consideration. In the end, he isn't worth an ounce of pain on your part, fuck him.

BaldarTFlagass October 20, 2011 at 8:02 am

Yeah. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor, and all that…

ttommyunger October 20, 2011 at 10:54 am

At least it helps to say that. I know from experience.

Jukesgrrl October 19, 2011 at 10:10 pm

You know what they say about gifts … it's the thought that counts. And this was a good one.

exmartinette October 19, 2011 at 7:59 pm

I'm against burning books. Tearing 'em up for lining birdcages, fine. But since there are no parakeets in Afghanistan, fire in the hole!

Toomush_Infer October 19, 2011 at 8:34 pm

One too few….

real_dc_native October 19, 2011 at 9:22 pm

I no longer think that Military Intelligence is an oxymoron.

ttommyunger October 19, 2011 at 9:58 pm

In the arena of ground troops, "Commander" is Jarhead Jargon, as in "Platoon Commander" as opposed to "Platoon Leader" (Army). Based on that assumption, I can only say: "Semper Fi, Motherfuckers; well done!".

rocktonsam October 19, 2011 at 10:32 pm

the copies burned were more than copies read

Negropolis October 19, 2011 at 11:12 pm

The repeal of DADT really did change everything, huh? lol

lulzmonger October 20, 2011 at 12:06 am

Comment from the Commander: "I did it for the lulz."

FUCK IT! WE'LL BURN THEM LIVE!

NewtsUndies October 20, 2011 at 12:52 am

Never thought I would like a troop.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 20, 2011 at 2:01 am

Seems they could have strapped them to the outside of a Humvee, for a bit of extra protection. Maybe they didn't want to offend the locals.

stew1 October 20, 2011 at 4:18 am

Gonna burn a loofah in solidarity.

stew1 October 20, 2011 at 4:20 am

Is Mrs. Bill-O still bangin' that cop?

comrad_darkness October 20, 2011 at 8:32 pm

So, if I want to send them a present, it should be the complete works of every decent author on a memory stick?

Nostrildamus October 20, 2011 at 12:40 am

Nice going. If you get the chance again, ask him to autograph a copy of this.

imissopus October 20, 2011 at 1:07 am

You should have added that said pita stand was frequented by nubile UCLA coeds, perhaps that would have sealed the deal.

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