THE BAD BEGINNING  11:54 am October 19, 2011

A Series of Unfortunate Events Awaits Wall Street Executives

by Ken Layne

Beloved children’s author Lemony Snicket has visited the Occupy Wall Street protest and wrote up a list of observations that will hopefully chill those within the executive suites looking down upon Zuccotti Park. Here are three of those observations:

  • Historically, a story about people inside impressive buildings ignoring or even taunting people standing outside shouting at them turns out to be a story with an unhappy ending.
  • There may not be a reason to share your cake. It is, after all, yours. You probably baked it yourself, in an oven of your own construction with ingredients you harvested yourself. It may be possible to keep your entire cake while explaining to any nearby hungry people just how reasonable you are.
  • Nobody wants to fall into a safety net, because it means the structure in which they’ve been living is in a state of collapse and they have no choice but to tumble downwards. However, it beats the alternative.

[Occupy Writers via The Awl]

 
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{ 176 comments }

nounverb911 October 19, 2011 at 11:58 am

"A Series of Unfortunate Events Awaits Wall Street Executives"
Will they finally have to pay taxes?

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 19, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Not in your wildest fantasy or sci-fi world.

prommie October 19, 2011 at 12:30 pm

In China, they do bill the families of executed criminals for the bullets used. Would this be considered a "tax?"

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 19, 2011 at 12:35 pm

And what happens if you don't pay the bill?

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Judging by the acts of previous regimes, it would be entirely historically accurate to respond with, "They kill you and every living relative of yours, burn down your clan house, and invite the entire village to shit on your ashes."

However, I believe since the advent of Communism, the Chinese have learned restraint in such matters. Presumably, they merely deduct the outstanding amount from your grain allowance.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Seems fair.

NYNYNYjr October 19, 2011 at 9:51 pm

A lot of things China does sound like Texas sort of things.

nounverb911 October 19, 2011 at 11:59 am

"A Series of Unfortunate Events Awaits Wall Street Executives"
Will their limos get flat tires? Will their yachts sink?

johnnymeatworth October 19, 2011 at 12:17 pm

They'll have to summer in the city this year. Perish the thought!

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:03 pm

And, hopefully, their overfed asses, also.

Guppy06 October 19, 2011 at 12:23 pm

The help will have the night off.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:04 pm

If things don't improve right quick, chances are the help will be too busy planting bombs and setting fires to take the night off.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Not if we don't do our part!

GunToting[Redacted] October 19, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Now I want cake.

Callyson October 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I'll bet Kortney has a good recipe for cake.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Yeah, but it's probly something disgusting like zucchini-raisin vegan cake.

DashboardBuddha October 19, 2011 at 2:57 pm

There is no cake!

tejanojim October 19, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Are you suggesting that the cake is a lie?

Monsieur_Grumpe October 19, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Now don't lose your head over your cravings.

102415 October 19, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Yellow cake? Ask Cheney.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:05 pm

It's the only kinda cake he knows.

user-of-owls October 19, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Now I want a pike.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 19, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Have they said they'll let you eat it?

donner_froh October 19, 2011 at 12:04 pm

"Historically, a story about people inside impressive buildings ignoring or even taunting people standing outside shouting at them turns out to be a story with an unhappy ending."

But it can be a lot of fun along the way–taunting investment bankers in the tumbrels on the way to the guillotine; decorating lampposts with bank presidents; smashing the state.

paris biltong October 19, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Unhappy for whom? I can easily gloat over the misfortune of others.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Go, Reds! Smash State!

Barrelhse October 19, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Defenestrate Wall St.!!1!

SorosBot October 19, 2011 at 12:06 pm

"Historically, a story about people inside impressive buildings ignoring or even taunting people standing outside shouting at them turns out to be a story with an unhappy ending."

Oh please let defenestration time come soon.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 19, 2011 at 12:16 pm

I heart that there's an actual term for this!

weejee October 19, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Show them a window on the rest of the world.

FakaktaSouth October 19, 2011 at 3:07 pm

How pissed woud you be though if one fell on you? Cause you KNOW these fuckers wouldn't have the decency not to defenestrate onto another person below.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:06 pm

This is why we have steel-tipped umbrellas, dear.

johnnyzhivago October 19, 2011 at 12:08 pm

But what if someone left that cake out in the rain? Will they be able to take it, given that they took so long to bake it? And more importantly, will anyone have that recipe again?

finallyhappy October 19, 2011 at 12:21 pm

I had Richard Harris sign that album(that is a record made of plastic for you younguns) when he appeared on the Charlie Rose show here in DC(it was kind of a more lively talk show then)

prommie October 19, 2011 at 12:32 pm

The presence of Richard Harris made anything more lively, when he was alive.

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 19, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Part of the liveliness was innocent victims fleeing his singing.

Ohforcripessake October 19, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Record?

ProudLibunatic October 19, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Oh, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

DashboardBuddha October 19, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Worst song ever.

102415 October 19, 2011 at 4:00 pm

hahahah It's raining right this New York minute right on Wall St.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Well, no. But Michele BAKED that cake!

Beowoof October 19, 2011 at 7:48 pm

I think the country would be a better place if Michele and Marcus got baked more often.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Not with each other, though. Pleez?

freakishlywrong October 19, 2011 at 12:10 pm

I don't want any of their fucking cake. I want them to pay their fair share.

comrad_darkness October 25, 2011 at 12:35 pm

I would also like them PAID their fair share. Rather than sucking up a percentage of everyone else's.

BaldarTFlagass October 19, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Cake? Pfft. I like pie.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 19, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Kin I be in your mob?

chicken_thief October 19, 2011 at 12:45 pm

With vodka crust!

proudgrampa October 19, 2011 at 12:49 pm

It HAS to be Grey Goose, or GTFO.

Come here a minute October 19, 2011 at 1:30 pm

We ought to make the pie higher.

bureaucrap October 19, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Make mine beefcake.

gurukalehuru October 19, 2011 at 1:51 pm

I like pie, I like it fine
3.14159

102415 October 19, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Ocu-pie?

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Yes, but what *kinda* pie?

SorosBot October 19, 2011 at 4:29 pm

I'll go with cherry pie; Put a smile on your face ten miles wide, Tastes so good
make a grown man cry, Sweet cherry pie.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I'm in.

102415 October 19, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Anything for our #OWS brethren, dood! Very enterprising of Liberatos.

Beowoof October 19, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Blueberry?

BaldarTFlagass October 19, 2011 at 12:13 pm

I don't necessarily want to see those people strung up or drawn and quartered or guilliotined, but I probably wouldn't complain if it happened.

Not_So_Much October 19, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Golden Anal Pears for all of them!

proudgrampa October 19, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Wow. I just looked that up. Nasty.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:14 pm

I found out about them, to my shock and horror (I was younger then and easily horrified) while watching that excellent British crime series based on Val McDermid's books. Available via Netflix, if you like really weird, twisty, somewhat crazed, but excellent murder mystery.

kissawookiee October 19, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Much like sausagemaking and birthing, you don't have to enjoy watching the process to benefit from the results.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Er, what's the benefit to birthing? My lady friends assure me that they have hemorrhoids, vulval varicose veins, a good chance of having their inside bits dangling outside their outside bits, and all kinds of other ailments, plus 20 years of working to raise a kid at a cost of some half-million dollars only to hear them say "I hate you!" as they storm out the door at midnight.

Perhaps I'm just being a little more disaffected than usual, having just heard that my friend's 18-y.o. just pulled such a stunt.

kissawookiee October 19, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Ah. Wookiee Jr. has actually been a reliable ray of light for the past 19 years, so I'm a titch biased.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Lucky you!

Beowoof October 19, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Ah yes experiences I know well. I used to hear that I was not cool. Which I usually responded with cool requires a big brain and a fat wallet and you aren't toting either one around.
Now that they are in their 20's we have become friends again.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 8:01 pm

So there *is* light at the end of the tunnel! I tell my friend not to worry, at least the kid's not doing drugs (that we know of) or turning tricks on the street, but at 18, you can't spank them, you can't control them, but you're still responsible for them. Let's hope she straightens out.

Spurning Beer October 19, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I'm not proud of being so vengeful, but I think those people need to be drawn and sixteenthed.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Quarters do seem a bit large, don't they?

Would you settle for the Death of A Thousand Cuts?

mourningnmerica October 20, 2011 at 9:27 pm

I would settle for the Death of A Thousand Cunts, in the British vernacular.

Pristine_ODummy October 20, 2011 at 9:30 pm

It could be very pleasant being smothered to death by a thousand cunts, you know.

paris biltong October 19, 2011 at 12:13 pm

The challenge is explaining to starving people how reasonable you are. Once you do that, they don't feel so hungry anymore. They feel even less hungry if they don't listen to your explanation and eat you instead. Forthwith.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Have you ever been *really* hungry? I mean, like, fast for a week hungry? Words mean nothing at that stage. People talk to you, and they start looking like giant, delicious hams and roast turkeys. You can't hear their words, you can only hear the delightful sizzling sound their fat would make as it drips off their spitted carcass onto the glowing coals.

Much better to share the food outright.

donner_froh October 19, 2011 at 12:14 pm

1789–the Bastille
1917–the Winter Palace
2012–200 West St, New York, NY 10282 ??

Maman October 19, 2011 at 12:43 pm

I guess the 1%'rs just think stuff like that happened in the "past" but that is what the "good old days" are. Ironic, ain't it?

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:20 pm

From your lips to the ears of any passing intelligence with the force to enact them.

Beowoof October 19, 2011 at 7:57 pm

You are the optimist.

mourningnmerica October 20, 2011 at 9:30 pm

"Aha, the guillotine, the guillotine…" We can hope.

Lascauxcaveman October 19, 2011 at 12:15 pm

My kids enjoyed his books. I'm enjoying his extrapolations.

weejee October 19, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Since the douches on the Wall Street balconies are such dicks, can we convert Madame la Guillotine to Monsieur Mohel?

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 19, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Accidents can happen, even at a bris.

proudgrampa October 19, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Ouch!

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:22 pm

The Muslims refer to the circumcision as "akad sunat," but unlike Jewish kids, Muslim boys have this done at a later age. We used to delight in tormenting the poor Muslim kids who were walking splay-legged for days afterwards. The most fun was telling them stories about the mohel's shaking hands.

Kids sure are mean, rotten little bastids, aren't they?

James Michael Curley October 19, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Job could probably be done with a small pen knife. Lets make it a small, dull pen knife.

finallyhappy October 19, 2011 at 12:22 pm

I need to get to OWS- I can't knit like Madame Defarge but I can crochet – and 99% don't know the difference,

Mumbletypeg October 19, 2011 at 12:48 pm

I'll join you with my knitting needles. Perfect. We can show our support hopefully without sparring over whose is the more intrepid instrument (I can't crochet to save my life)

finallyhappy October 19, 2011 at 1:06 pm

I think knitting is harder(and don't even get me started on circular needles or the 4 needed to make a sock) and of course, those needles make better weapons- I understand it was a longer time before knitters could bring needles on planes after 9/11 than our hooks. Still for the cause- we are all one!

Limeylizzie October 19, 2011 at 12:57 pm

I am a knitter, I know the difference ,does that make me one of the 1%?

finallyhappy October 19, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Well, only among THE 99%. However, I would first exempt all knitters and crocheters because WE KNOW. Also see OlekNYC on Twitter- you can see her project with the Wall Street Bull(pre-Occupy Wall Street)

jus_wonderin October 19, 2011 at 4:27 pm

I can macrame'. Any of these Wall Street dudes named Mac?

Schmannnity October 19, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Texas School Board bans the multi-volume Series of Unfortunate Events in 10, 9, 8, ….

proudgrampa October 19, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Actually, I baked a very nice Spice Cake last night. It was delicious! I would have gladly shared some, but one 13×9 only goes so far, if you know what I mean.

Maman October 19, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Loaves and fishes, grampa…

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Wow, you can bake? I'm a great cook, but baking is one thing I don't do. My brother's a fabulous baker, but we're living on different continents now. Long time since I had a homemade (good) cake. He made a great Black Forest, complete with hand-shaved chocolate curls.

proudgrampa October 19, 2011 at 5:32 pm

I have done most of the cooking in our household for years. It's one way I decompress.

Also, no one questions the contents of the liquor cabinet when I'm in control of it: ("Where's the vodka?" "Oooh, I used it for the spaghetti sauce." "That's funny, we aren't having spaghetti tonight.").

As for baking, I don't do it that often and tend to just bake a simple cake, put some fresh fruit and whipped cream on it, and I'm done. Let the oven do most of the work.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Me too. Nothing so satisfying as the bashing of metal pans, the whipping of cream, the beating of egg … er, right.

I cook like my father did. A pinch of this, a handful of that, measuring be damned. Throw in what tastes good, add a little something. He was a fabulous cook. Good old-fashioned home cooked food from scratch, with all the vegetables straight from his garden. I have a food garden too, now, but the man had ten green digits, and I only have half a thumb.

You wouldn't happen to be the mysterious poster from way back when I first commented here who was talking to me about Larousse Gastronomique?

proudgrampa October 19, 2011 at 10:59 pm

No, I'm not familiar with Larousse Gastronomique. That one's not in my library, yet.

My favorite book for French cooking is Le Cordon Bleu (the big one). That one has lots of classic recipes that I have used over the years.

You're lucky to have a garden. Even half a green thumb is better than nothing!

ProudLibunatic October 19, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Two things about baking:
1.You have to follow instructions, because it's more like chemistry than other cooking.
2. It helps if you love the taste of raw batter.
I love it all, cookie, biscuit and bread dough, cake batter, muffin batter, even pancake batter.
(I know it's supposed to be bad for you, but I have never been sick from it.)

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 7:06 pm

It's definitely MUCH more a combination of chemistry and physics. I have a wonderful cookbook by a physicist that explains cooking from a physics point of view, and the obsessive love of exact measurement that bakers share with scientists. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to eat everything in sight, especially if it contains one or more of the four basic food groups — fat, refined white flour, sugar, and chocolate. I used to bake occasionally, but my waistline expanded faster than my bank account could accommodate, so I restrict my culinary adventures to new and interesting ways to make healthy food taste fucking fantastic. It's a struggle.

ProudLibunatic October 19, 2011 at 10:15 pm

So true.
My "compromise" is to bake healthy things.
I'm just unhappy if I can't cook.
I heard someone say that creating something transcends the past and even the present. Maybe that is what cooking is for me. (Too bad there are calories involved!)
My daughter once said, "Mom has a lot of faults, (thanks, honey), but she's a good cook!"

comrad_darkness October 25, 2011 at 12:38 pm

If I love the taste of raw butter, is there a reason not to just eat the raw butter and save the effort?

fuflans October 19, 2011 at 12:25 pm

a revolution is an idea which has found its bayonets.
Napoleon Bonaparte

Steverino247 October 19, 2011 at 12:53 pm

You gotta love Napoleon quotes. Here's my favorite: "Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake. It's bad manners."

slowhansolo October 19, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Somebody Dixie-Chick that asshole.

OneYieldRegular October 19, 2011 at 1:25 pm

To quote the Dixie Chicks: "If I fall you're goin' down with me."

NYNYNYjr October 19, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Yeah, how dare he insult President Bush! I don't think President Bush would like reading these things at all!

SayItWithWookies October 19, 2011 at 12:41 pm

To those in the impressive edifices, the silence of the masses means their assent with the way things are — but if they so much as raise their voices in complaint, they're rock-throwing irrational anarchists, and probably anti-semitic ones at that.

glamourdammerung October 19, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Nothing like the logical consistency of conservatives to whine about the "antisemitism of the left" and go on about Soros/The Elders of Zion banking conspiracies at the same time.

ttommyunger October 19, 2011 at 12:41 pm

The question is, simply: can the combined voice of the people drown out the money at the top? Which will the decision-makers pay attention to? When and if they start getting voted out of office for their efforts, we may see some change for the better, assuming elections are still fair and free in this digital (read paperless) age.

Beowoof October 19, 2011 at 8:03 pm

I read that as lack of an audit trail. Something these guys seem to be really good at is hiding or getting rid of the evidence of their skulduggery.

ttommyunger October 19, 2011 at 8:06 pm

Perceptive to a fault, my good person.

Sharkey October 19, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Wow. The cake really is a lie.

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 19, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I bet Sunny can bake a damn fine cake.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 19, 2011 at 12:49 pm

O.T.

RT @KeithOlbermann: RT @brianbeutler: RT @HuffPostHill: "I am drowning in debt. I can't afford my car repairs. There is a giraffe shitting on my yard. I am the Ohio 99 percent."

~

Steverino247 October 19, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Giraffes? Ha! Try ELEPHANTS, buddy.

prommie October 19, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Girraffes have such beautiful eyes, their eyelashes are just wonderful!

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Prommie? You bin hittin' the hard stuff again?

BlueStateLibel October 19, 2011 at 2:43 pm

There probably really is a giraffe sitting in his yard – a nut in Ohio who hoarded wild exotic animals let them all out this morning, including tigers and bears. Can't the 99% ever get a break?!

NYNYNYjr October 19, 2011 at 10:12 pm

The gas meter is locked in the basement and no one has the key. The neighbors all have each other's gas bills because the mailman is high. Everyone's bill says 'final notice'. There's only one gas company to choose from, it's owned by a British energy concern. I'm the Brooklyn 99%!

x111e7thst October 19, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Would I enjoy this "cake" of which you speak as much as Kortney seems to enjoy her vegetable?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 19, 2011 at 10:55 pm

"Cakes we like!"

chicken_thief October 19, 2011 at 12:51 pm

"You probably baked it yourself, in an oven of your own construction with ingredients you harvested yourself. "

I call bullshit. It's not likely that the 1% do any one of those activities, let alone all three.

hagajim October 19, 2011 at 1:37 pm

They let their help bake the cake, have their personal shopper buy the ingredients at Whole Paycheck, and then eat the shit while the help looks on. Job Creators!

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Stop slandering our Fine Constitutionally-Protected Jerb Creators! Why, they've been known to let the help have ALL the crumbs off the table!

Commie scum.

bureaucrap October 19, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Chicken, I think that was Lemony's point.

FlownOver October 19, 2011 at 1:10 pm

"Unfortunate" how, exactly?

littlebigdaddy October 19, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Can we get J.K. Rowling there? Cause some dementors would come in really handy.

HistoriCat October 19, 2011 at 1:18 pm

One of my daughter's frequent book requests at night time is a battered old Little Golden The Little Red Hen – I fucking hate that book.

Little Red Hen "finds" a grain of wheat. Little Red Hen takes the wheat to the miller … but how does she pay the miller? Who provides the fuel for the oven wherein she bakes the loaf? But oh no – she did it all herself. God damned propaganda.

DashboardBuddha October 19, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Actually, we all know how the Little Red Hen got the miller to do the work for her. I read something about it Penthouse Letters.

James Michael Curley October 19, 2011 at 3:21 pm

And she starred on a great Mothers of Invention Album cover in the late 60's.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Frank says he NEVER fucked her.

comrad_darkness October 25, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Sounds due for a revision.

The grasshopper/carpenter ant brigade worked for hours cutting wood for fuel.
She pays the miller with a bj.

Kakkeltje October 19, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Ah, taunting from a big building….

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Come here a minute October 19, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Big Brother must have taken occupywriters offline — but bigger brother has it in its cache.
http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=ca

BlueStateLibel October 19, 2011 at 1:29 pm

I've got to say I love Mr. Lemony Snicket and his observations. My own humble observation is that it's all game over for the Let-them-Eat-Cake crowd when the military turns. I don't know if it'll ever happen here, but I do know a lot of returning vets have been treated like dirt, so who knows.

bureaucrap October 19, 2011 at 3:06 pm

If those vets are still holding on to their tanks and shoulder-fired missiles, then we're golden. Otherwise, fuggedaboudit.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 19, 2011 at 11:01 pm

An awful lot of 'em re-enlisted, finding few options for feeding their families. They have their hands on all sorts of interesting hardware.

comrad_darkness October 25, 2011 at 12:44 pm

The fate of our GI Joes and Janes is such a sad one. They traded literally everything for a series of pep talks.

And the kicker is, to point this out is tantamount to treason, of course.

hagajim October 19, 2011 at 1:38 pm

They just better hope that while taunting, the crowd doesn't go apeship, overrun their security and throttle them at their desks.

LesBontemps October 19, 2011 at 1:55 pm

We can always dream, though.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:34 pm

"Dream"? I thought that was HOPE.

glamourdammerung October 19, 2011 at 4:51 pm

I would be happy with some simple severe beating to teach them the manners their parents apparently neglected to bother with.

Callyson October 19, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Money is like a child—rarely unaccompanied. When it disappears, look to those who were supposed to be keeping an eye on it while you were at the grocery store. You might also look for someone who has a lot of extra children sitting around, with long, suspicious explanations for how they got there.
That's the most concise explanation of how we got into this mess that I've ever read–thanks, Lemony!

Hurricane Ali October 19, 2011 at 2:52 pm

I just want to say that those are very astute observations, Mr. Snicket! Viva la snark!

DashboardBuddha October 19, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Awesome stuff

Allmighty_Manos October 19, 2011 at 3:08 pm

"A Series of Unfortunate Events Awaits Wall Street Executives"

What, they got the guillotine set up already?

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:34 pm

I'm workin' on it!

Biel_ze_Bubba October 19, 2011 at 11:06 pm
Pristine_ODummy October 19, 2011 at 11:25 pm

That's hilarious. Now I MUST HAZ the tee shirt. Just to wear to the #Occupy event when I finally go.

Thanks, Biely.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 19, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Let us not forget the Wall Street Executives drinking on their balcony looking down on the 99%.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PiXDTK_CBY&fe

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Precisely. Even the worm must turn, at last.

chascates October 19, 2011 at 3:44 pm

From Al Franken:
“Any time that a liberal points out that the wealthy are disproportionately benefiting from Bush’s tax policies, Republicans shout, “class warfare!”
In her book A Distant Mirror: The Calamitous Fourteenth Century, Barbara Tuchman writes about a peasant revolt in 1358 that began in the village of St. Leu and spread throughout the Oise Valley. At one estate, the serfs sacked the manor house, killed the knight, and roasted him on a spit in front of his wife and kids. Then, after ten or twelve peasants violated the lady, with the children still watching, they forced her to eat the roasted flesh of her dead husband and then killed her.

That is class warfare.

And THAT would be an unfortunate event. For the bankers.

102415 October 19, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Oh, that's so French!

Monsieur_Grumpe October 19, 2011 at 5:16 pm

I'm so proud.
I must remeber to quit putting off those upgrades to my trebuchet.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trebuchet

chascates October 19, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Don't forget that other wonderful French device, the oubliette!

Geminisunmars October 20, 2011 at 3:07 pm

I've forgotten, a little.

HarryButtle October 19, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Accusations of Al Franken inciting mob violence in 3…2…1

102415 October 19, 2011 at 4:07 pm

I want candy.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Not unfortunate enough.

And, what's more, not SOON enough, either.

Tommmcattt October 19, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Ah! ça ira, ça ira, ça ira
les aristocrates à la lanterne!
Ah! ça ira, ça ira, ça ira
les aristocrates on les pendra!

Et quand on les aura tous pendus
On leur fichera la pelle au cul!

Ah! ça ira, ça ira, ça ira…

user-of-owls October 19, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Ok, I can sort of make out a lantern, aristocrats and an asshole. Plus it has a catchy beat and I can dance to it, so I give it a 9 out of 10, Dick!

Tommmcattt October 19, 2011 at 8:59 pm

LOL, it was the theme song of the French Revolution, this version says:

Oh, it's ok! It's Ok! It's Ok! (or "so it goes")
The aristocrats [are going] to the lamp-posts!
Oh, it's ok! It's Ok! It's Ok!
We're going to hang the aristocrats!

And when we are finished hanging all of them,
We will stick our shovels up their asses!

Oh, it's ok! It's Ok! It's Ok…

Negropolis October 19, 2011 at 9:47 pm

So, when are they going to try and "Release the Kraken!" on Zuccotti Park? When will Hosni Bloomberg send down the his camel-mounted thugs?

What's that? I think I hear the electric guillotines whirring and purring. Ever see a man beheaded by a laser? Some say that the first cut is the deepest…

Au revoir, y'all! Parce que la liberté and so forth and so on. Aussi. French is a language best served hot, drowning in Hollandaise sauce whilst viewing a classy execution on a public square.

Nothingisamiss October 19, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Thank you, Lemony.

Nothingisamiss October 19, 2011 at 11:04 pm

Also from Mr. Snicket:

* 99 percent is a very large percentage. For instance, easily 99 percent of people want a roof over their heads, food on their tables, and the occasional slice of cake for dessert. Surely an arrangement can be made with that niggling 1 percent who disagree.

HateMachine October 20, 2011 at 12:09 am

I'm way late to this comment thread, but I'd just like to strongly suggest that everyone read the other contributions to the occupywriters page (hit the main page and look for the names with links in). The Snicket bit is delightfully snarky and there's one or two more like it, but some of the others are downright moving and generally great reads all around.

"But it’s hard for me to lie still (lay still?) while I am getting fucked.
Sorry.

It’s late and you been at me all night and I hadn’t risen from it.
I was tired.

I’m even more tired.

But now I’m up."
-D.A. Powell

Lascauxcaveman October 19, 2011 at 12:12 pm

It's pretty good cake to too. But nothing to lose your head over.

nounverb911 October 19, 2011 at 12:16 pm

What about "Death by Chocolate" cake?

proudgrampa October 19, 2011 at 12:18 pm

I see what you did there.

Maman October 19, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Tell that to Marie.

Michele_Blachmann October 19, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Too late.

Beowoof October 19, 2011 at 11:07 pm

It does get better, but wow does it suck getting through it sometimes.

Pristine_ODummy October 19, 2011 at 11:23 pm

I got mine from an ex who's a professional chef. Apparently, professional chefs live and die by Larousse. It's a fun read. If you like reading about food and cooking. But it also is HUGE and weighs a ton, so not for those with carpal tunnel.

Yes, I am very lucky, and very grateful for my little patch of nature. Tomato season was pitiful this year, but now the little golden Blondkopfchen cherry tomatoes are coming in at long last, and we did get a good crop of eggplant, so no complaints.

Pristine_ODummy October 19, 2011 at 11:29 pm

I'm tellin' ya. I want to grab these little boys and girls who think having a baybee is so wunnerful, just grab them and shake them hard. It takes a hella lot of sacrifice and hard work, and nobody should even think about doing it unless they're willing to make the commitment. I'm not willing to stay awake all night worrying that my kid's in trouble. It's OK to admit you can't do it. And total props to those who can and do. It ain't for me. But I will pass your words of wisdom to my friend. She's got a young 'un who just hit 14, too, but at least that one's a couch potato junior geek who thinks reading in bed is the coolest thing EVAH.

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