As infamous walking cue-ball “Joe the Plumber” proved in 2008, America is top-loaded with dubiously employed gasbag wingnuts who believe they are the economic equals of the Koch Brothers. Each near-bankrupt sole proprietor of a drywall-hanging home-based business that hasn’t had any work since 2007 is now threatening to “stop job creation” because of the people protesting the banks. What happens when the teabaggers “go Galt” and nobody notices?
According to this pathetic communique on the Tea Party website, the struggling old white people are awfully gurd-danged vexed by these 99% hippie-working people protests — upset enough to quit hiring for those all those jobs they’re not offering anyone:
Resolved that: Our President, the Democrats-Socialists, most of the media, and most of those from Hollywood, have now encouraged and supported “Occupy” demonstrations in our streets, which are now being perpetrated across the globe, and which are being populated by various marxists, socialists and even communists, and are protesting against business, private property ownership and capitalism, something I thought I’d never see in my country, in my lifetime.
I, an American small business owner, part of the class that produces the vast majority of real, wealth producing jobs in this country, hereby resolve that I will not hire a single person until this war against business and my country is stopped.
I hereby declare that my job creation potential is now ceased.
“I’m on strike!”
It’s good that they put the last line in quotes, because these delusional scumbags are always anti-union. Tough to buy that vulgar hundred-foot-long motorhome with the quad towed behind on a trailer when the dirty worker expects a living wage and health care benefits, right?
What did John Steinbeck say? He said this: “Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.” [Tea Party Website]
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I thought these fuckwits went Galt when the Kenyan was elected. When did they get back?
These are the same morons who announced their intent to go on vacation as soon as they earned $249,999.00 believing that the first dollar they earn in a higher tax bracket subjects their entire income to taxation at the higher rate.
So take everything they say with a grain of stupid.
You have to wonder how they can provide any jobs when they don't even know how income tax works.
The irony is that all of these fuckwits, as you so succinctly put it, would, in Galt's world, be welcome to join the strike but like Eddie Willers they wouldn't be welcome in the Gulch itself.
I'm glad I don't know what you're talking about.
Ditto. But My Nemesis and his new blind scarring nation cohort would.
Thank FSM I stopped hanging out with them.
(N.B. All my lunatic friends ended up lefty, for the pussy. GOP chicks they knew were just too chubby and into Metallica.)
Who knows? It's not like anyone *noticed* they were gone, yaknow.
Teabagger Tea is so bitter, spiteful and stupid.
Last night Jon Stewart had a nice montage of Can't-or and several others praising the Tea Party "taking the streets" and vilifying the OWS-ers of the world. The irony boggles the mind.
I think I detected in Stewart's voice and mannerisms a little "Jesus, this is way too easy" attitude.
It's like they are not even trying anymore. Time was, in this country, a man took pride in being a sneaky, lying, conniving, little shit.
We're going to Hell in a hand basket.
Right up there with Alimony Ale I suppose.
'…and even communists'? Wow, Communism is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it?
It's even worse than Marxism, apparently!
The wingnuts are very good at showing that they don't know the actual meaning of words. It's part of how they can actually try to claim communism and fascism are the same; together with their ignorance of history, any political ideology besides their own is simply labeled "bad" and treated as if they are interchangeable.
And also they are constantly invoking Martin Niemöller's "First they came…" remark. Good taste, Niemöller was indeed a moral hero, a representative of what Christians can be when they aren't consumed by hatred. But let's remind ourselves of what he actually said:
"First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak out for me."
He did not say, "first they came for the gun owners", he did not say "first they came for the conservatives", he did not say "first they came for the Christians", three variations that I've heard conservatives say. He said what he said. Tell me again that the Nazis were communists.
But I guess we can make a wingnut version of Niemöller's great statement:
"First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because – c'mon, they're communists!
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because – well, duh! Thug Unions with Cadillac pensions were killing this country.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because they could go to Israel and make the rapture come faster.
Then they came for me
and that's when I realized: They were all a bunch of goddamned communist trade unionists!
dishearteningly accurate
Wait a minute. You mean Hitler wasn't a Communist? WTF was he doing in Russia then?
That is some pulpit-worthy exegesis.
Don't let Newt hear them bad-mouthing Communist Chinese. He thinks we should…
Next he'll be calling for internet censorship. Wait for it…
Or silencing his opponents the old fashioned way…
Seriously, I so want a Monty Pythonesque weight to splat that evil insincere smirking egomaniacal bullshitting fucker from all existence.
bad news. Newt is the 16 ton weight. irrestible/immovable here, buddy.
Well, according to Michele Bachmann, our current President is not capable of making America a economic superpower. And sense it appears that the only country that has money anymore is Red China, I have to assume that Michele is pro-Communism.
Singapore HAS a capital gains tax. It's around 2%.
Oh yeah? Well I refuse to take any investment-banking jobs until Occupy Wall Street's demands are met!
Gutsy!
Well, let's just invert the whole of the 1960s:
"War! Hate! Booze! Start the War! Send The Boys Overseas!"
Yup, that pretty much works for these gasbags, actually…
Indeed! Refusing to do that which you are not doing anyway is pretty weak tea!
Okay, then I'm not taking any CEO positions…. ante up!
Stockholm Syndrome. It's the only plausible explanation.
There's also Mad Cow disease, or Kreutzfeld-Jacob disease..
Does "Twatbag Syndrome" appear in the DSM?
…or Dunning Krueger
They're ALL living breathing illustrations of Dunning-Kruger cognitive bias.
At what point can we expect them to wade into the throngs on horseback, wielding scimitars?
Most thongs don't have room enough for a horse, let alone a teatard on a horse.
We're going to need bigger horses.
May I suggest one of these:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trojan_Horse
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Friedland,_1807…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Alexander_tamin…
Red blood on white snow looks and smells like, victory.
Don't be ridiculous. No horse can carry the full weight of a teabagger.
Scimitars? Too Muslimy.
Soon as the horses come with wheels, a comfy seat and power steering.
What have you got against horses? Geez, any poor quadruped that took on one of these Walmartians would be permanently swaybacked as a result.
Aww…. they're so cute when they're all old and confused and angry. It's like watching a senile cat get stuck in the corner
Our Old Cat wandered out of our yard into the neighbor's recently, at night. Since we have identical front, back and middle fences, he got totally confused in the dark, and just started yowling piteously. It took 20 minutes to coax him down the length of the fence to make it back to the "other side of the mirror".
That pretty much describes most Tea Party gestures, actually.
Yeah, but I have a lot more sympathy for Old Cat than for the teabaggage. They're wilfully ignorant, whereas poor ol' OldCat is just old and confused.
Maybe we need to start luring them to our cause with cans of tuna?
I know, I know. But it bears repeating:
"Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone. "
~John Maynard Keynes
You take your Gaynesian Economics and git outta mah cuntry!
Yes. Yes, it does.
"Marxists, socialists, and even communists?" But, oddly, no Lenninists, Maoists, or Trotskyites, which excludes me, dammit.
And they forgot lesbotarians, too. So, I'm still cool, right?
For now, I suppose.
Good. Guess you can say that so far I have that problem licked.
Rimshot!
Pending further exploration?
Whoa!
They're talking about economic philosophies, not religions.
Anarcho-syndicalists! Wobblies! So sad that they don't know the enemy any better than that.
To their credit, the first draft of their manifesto did call out the Weebles.
I thought they later said they meant to call out the Wiggles.
No shit! I am very offended right now, goddamnit.
Take it easy Neon. You died a few decades ago.
But he got to put it to Salma Hayek before he punched out. That justifies everything else.
No "Kenyan Muzlins" either, so I guess Obama is safe for now. Aha! Ahahahahahha!!!
Didn't include Pastafarians, either. May they be touched by his noodly appendage
Mensheviks. Nobody ever remembers the Mensheviks. We stood up against the Bolsheviks when you were still just a socialist gleam in your father's eye. At least we both graduated from Commie Martyrs High School…
Splitters!
I remember the Mensheviks! They're the reason behind Ossetia.
None of the old boogeyman, the anarchists either; or the Freemasons. Get on that, conspiracy theorist wingnuts!
They would have mentioned the Illuminati, but you know, black people.
Lennonists, also. Imagine!
Is this like when Michele said that Obama sent troops into Libya, and Africa too?
Well, looks like I won't be getting that wealth-producing job selling Amway products after all.
Only true entrepreneurs can sell somebody else's overpriced crap.
Psst; if you want to make money on a pyramid scheme you've gotta get in on the top end.
You don't have to be Cheops to be able to recognize a pyramid.
Well, tell you what: I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more, so fuck you.
Being unemployed is criminal. Refusing to hire is patriotic.
The drywall industry is AGHAST.
…and just when the Homebuilders Association thought they would get some good news.
How is it that any idiot could think that our corporate media, which at first ignored and now belittles the Occupy Wall Street protesters, characterizing them as just a bunch of layabout hippies, has encouraged and supported them in any way?
That IS corporate media support. You're still hearing about OWS, aren't you, unlike the protests during the Iraq War? The difference now is, enough people can see past the spin to know what it's really about, so the disapproving coverage keeps making the protests biggger and bigger, forcing the media to grudgingly admit some legitimacy.
I will not hire a single person until this war against business and my country is stopped.
I'm gunna subvert my own beliefs/ideals to spite (and thereby promote) somebody else's. Yeah!
Hey look who is here!
We have standards. We have dignity. Stop laughing.
I think they just gave themselves an excuse to
startcontinue hiring illegals.Judging from this post, I'm guessing the author owns a small business which produces run-on sentences.
And he's working overtime…
Shipping costs have skyrocketed since the boys down at Conjunction Junction decided they'd finally had enough. No wonder he can't afford to hire anyone.
The Tea Party: Destroying America, One Stupid Idea at a TIme.
Well fuck them; I hereby promise, avow, and resolve, that I will refrain from sprouting wings and flying over the moon while flowers shoot out of my ass and I sing "Some Enchanted Evening," until the Teabaggers start hiring again.
Thank goodness. Nothing personal, but I hate that song.
Well, OK, but the flowers were going to be really nice.
" I will not hire a single person until this war against business and my country is stopped …"
Wingnut Translate:
I CAN'T STAND HAVING A BLACK PRESIDENT.
You know the reason why they hate is the same reason they didn't want Jackie Robinson playing baseball. They were afraid he might be better.
He IS! He's immeasurably better than Bush ever was, and he's certainly bucketloads better than the bunch of losers they have running for his job. That's gotta be what hurts them so bad. He IS better.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, he's easier on the eyes also too. But that's just Snoop's opinion.
No, it's not, it would seem many of the fine Ladies of Teh Wonketz have a hopelessly panty-wetting crush on Mister Michelle, and more than one dood has avowed a man-crush. Why, some of us right here in this room … wut?
I thought they made that their mission statement the day after Obama was elected. Seems like that was the day I started receiving that chain e-mail about companies to start laying off anyone that had a Obama/Biden bumper sticker on their vehicle because they voted for Change.
Not quite. Needs more spittle and mispelled words. I suggest that the thought bubble looks more like "FUKC THE NIGGAR PRESNIDENT!!!!"
BTW, nice to say a good amount of posts in the morning after several very quiet days.
Must. Stop. Commenting. Or I'll get fired and have to not apply for a job that the potential job creators are not hiring for. What, what?
How much unemployment do you get, if you start now?
Agree. Whatever Ken's having, I want some too.
Ha ha, I am having a big cup of "finally in New York after 36 hours of fucking around."
A job creator that isn't hiring? What a goddamn surprise.
Need more tax cuts.
Well I'm not going to hire a single person until Grover Norquist and Dick Armey are paired butt naked in a tango on "Dancing With the Stars"
So there!
Screw you guys! I'm goin' home!
I was thinking the same thing – these fuckers are the adult version of the punk ass playground kid who, when he/his team started losing, took their ball and went home.
I hereby declare that my job creation potential is now ceased.
For a bunch of Adam Smith wannabe's, they're profoundly unaware of the things he really said.
"It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard for their own self-interest. We address ourselves not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our own necessaties, but of their advantages."
Wealth of Nations
Adam Smith
Yes, if a "job creator" has a legitimate need to fill a position, they're not going to avoid filling it because some half-baked wingnut group is throwing a temper tantrum.
I wonder what Adam Smith would say about egregious patenting, exclusive markets, apples-versus-oranges product schemes, egregious, pervasive marketing, subsidized corporate welfare and credit default swaps.
If Adam Smith took one look at the modern financial industry, he'd morph into Keynes' and Marx's illegitimate man-love-child.
Hell, if the modern conservatives read Adam Smith they'd call him a socialist communist; he did support progressive taxation and regulation of the economy.
"Read"? What's that?
Not a real free market
If you are trying to say that, collectively, they are dumber than a bag of dicks, I agree.
(Educated) elitist!!
Resolved that: President Obama has seized what amount to dictatorial powers to bypass our Congress, and that because the Congress is controlled by a Progressive socialist Senate that will not impeach one of their kind, they have allowed this and yielded what are rightfully congressional powers to this new dictator.
He did what now?! I must've been watching the Masterpiece Theater marathon when President Obama seized dictatorial powers to bypass Congress — which, apparently is already in his back pocket so it wouldn't matter if he bypassed it. Really TPN, it helps to be able to write at least one sentence without blatantly contradicting your own conspiracy theories.
He's subverting Congress the same way he's advancing gun control: by not doing it. That's how devious Obama is. This just lulls everybody into complacency, and then — Bang! down come the hammer and sickle of socialism/Marxism/liberal-facism. Any day now! Be afraid!
F'in' magic negro!
Last I checedk, the House impeached, the Senate tried. I think it is written down somewhere like that. Not that the TeaLeaves would notice or anything.
Teabaggers don't need to read the Constitution to defend it.
"I must've been watching the Masterpiece Theater marathon when…!"
Yeah I hate it when I do that.. when I can hardly tell Alistair Cookee from Cokie Roberts coming over the staticky squawk box.. or whether it’s Ian McShane’s Disraeli or Paul Keating squinting at his pocket watch on my teevee screen…
Honestly, it took Grover And Cookie Monster to make me truly appreciate Monsterpiece theater.
Do you mean someone finally jammed a fist up Grover Norquist's ass?
Finally? Breitbart's been doing that for years.
He may not have seized dictatorial powers yet, but the wingnuts can imagine it happening, so it might as well have happened.
I'm surprised their manifesto didn't mention czars — whatever happened to them? I could swear that at one point America was going to be taken over by autocratic inbred Romanoffs who owned millions of serfs — but then that was before President Obama was going to set the Gitmo terrorists free to roam America's shopping malls, opened the border to Mexicans and Hamas sleeper cells and turned General Motors into a socialist solar-powered camp for exploiting job-creators. Maybe the czars just got lost in the shuffle.
Now, you do know that somewhere in the Multiverse, all of that actually happened…
The Tea Party website is interesting. They can construct sentences in the style of an earlier era, although 1800's rather than 1700's, but they can't distinguish a resolution from a statement.
So the jerbs bill is a done deal?!
So that explains why we have nationalized health care and legalized marijuana.
I'm confused, I thought it was assumed that Obama had those powers, and that we hate him because he doesn't have the big, hairy ballsacks to actually use them!
Behold the awesome power of the intertubes….giving voice to those with no gift for voice….or thought…or any instinct other than sticking their noses as far up the assholes of caviar-eaters as possible…
Dear Idiots:
If you don't hire anyone, then you'll have to do all the work yourselves, in which case you can't be on strike. Don't worry though, Darwin will take care of you.
Sincerely,
Slithytoves
They should talk to Alabama about that.
Isn't there an adage…something about forcibly removing one's nose out of anger at one's face?
Peeing in your own chips is the expression I grew up with, also shitting on your own doorstep.
Weaving broken glass into your own toilet paper. Building your own waterbed out of magnesium.
adages are socialist cuz they try to make everyone think the same.
Picking up Mexicans at Home Depot is not job creation.
It sounds suitably Republican. They select the ones with a wide stance.
Nothing about Anarchists? Why do they ALWAYS leave out the Anarchists????
I thought we were an anarcho-syndicalist collective…
Bloody peasant.
Aren't the Anarchists also Anti-Christs?
They were, according to the Sex Pistols.
They don't know what they want, but they know how to get it.
If only the anarchists would get organized.
I heard that anarchy was contained in the U. K.
It may be.
That just doesn't make any sense.
Teabagger logic comes from an alternate universe where Reagan is smart, Santorum is a human and Bachmann makes perfect sense.
And Grover Norquist is some godlike fixture whose simpleton wishes are to be followed no matter what.
Norquist. Good call.
Whoever wrote this resolution needs to hire an editor who passed English composition. After that, NO MORE JOBS!
What, and support the America-hating government schools that teach communism and hatred for all that is decent and good and holy, why would you do that, are you a homosexual?
They'll give you an F jes fer bein' a Conservative!!!
Jobs will be up just a little in the next report. Sucks to be a TeaTard.
Or six feet under, he typed on his iPad.
I wouldn't work for Joe the plumber or anyone of that ilk…I'd rather live on hobo beans and water.
Whew… The Masonic-Bilderberg-TriLateral One World Government Conspiracy is still not being implicated here…
Yeah, those people just don't get it. They didn't even mention the Reptilians. Where is David Icke when we need him???
Needz moar hydraulic despotism. That is what the Bushie Paraguay land grab was all about. Wake up sheeples social diseased economics is over it's aqua 24/7.
Folks in mildewed C'Addle will be selling water from our rain barrels for $10/gallon:
♪♫ We're in the money, we're in the money ♫♪
$10/gal is the FOB price, right? How much for home delivery?
FOB for sure. Home delivery depends on how successful our project is to convert crematorias to biofuel rendering plants for the deceased obese .
The delivery trucks should have bumper stickers that read "This vehicle is powered by fat-asses," and be given HOV privileges.
Comments from the aforementioned website:
Burn your s ociali st currency. $1, $5, $10 ,etc bills should be set ablaze like the night sky on 1776!!
- Business should stop providing services and goods to "li beral looking" people.
- Ban sociali st freeloaders like policemen, firemen, veterans, teachers, poor old people, liber als, ethnics from business. Don't hire them, don't serve them.
All right, which one of you Wonkettes wrote this stuff?
Definitely ban those miserable freeloading firemen – unless your fucking house is burning down, that is.
Damn you metamarcisf. I'm too slow… again.
The commenters are publishing a "Poverty for Dumbasses" self-help guide. Only sell goods and services to old, white people working in the private sector.
"Ethnics?"
And there's a bit of a conflict with the Civil Rights act of 64 there.
So much for Herman Cain being welcomed into the fold.
I think "ethnics" are what "illegals" become after they get their papers.
NO DREADLOCKS, TIE DYES, GRATEFUL DEAD T-SHIRTS, PATCHOULI, SINGLE MOTHERS, DEMOCRATS, INDEPENDENTS WHO DON'T VOTE REPUBLICAN, COLLEGE STUDENTS, OLD HIPPIES, HIPSTERS IN SKINNY JEANS, FOREIGNERS AND PEOPLE ON WELFARE NEED APPLY…
The spam filter avoiding syntax lets you know it's genuine.
I wonder if I'm "li beral looking?" And, I'd like to see just how much that idiot cares about my politics seeing as I'm a fortunate person with Ameros in my pocket…I would really like to walk into that (doubtful) job creator's place of business and pull a Pretty Woman-style fuck you.
My USMC tat usually gets me by.
"Burn your s ociali st currency. $1, (…)bills should be set ablaze like the night sky on 1776!!"
Want to see a Teabagger go apeshit? Give them a dollar coin.
EDIT: I'm serious. There's a doctoral thesis somewhere in the visceral, sometimes violent reaction these people have in seeing "valuable" paper replaced with "worthless" metal. Often it triggers a "government should stay out of government money" spittle-filled rant.
It's be best entertainment that can be had for $25, and available at most banks no less!
If the coin depicts a Native American woman on it, their minds explode.
"WHY DO THE SOSHIALIZT GUVMINT THINK A NATIVE AMERIKAN BELONG ON THE MURKIN' MONNEEEZ?!?!?!?!?!?"
"What's this say? 'Garfield?' Some cartoon cat? We only use real money with President Hamilton or President Franklin on it!"
Are these the same ones who burst a blood vessel when "fiat money" is brought up?
It's be best entertainment that can be had for $25
Now that's a business I want in on!!!
Selling dollar coins for $25? Sign me up….
They also sell pennies for 50¢, nickels for $2, dimes for $5 and quarters for $10.
If you hire a freeloader, are they still a freeloader?
Someone on an earlier thread actually did claim credit.
EDIT: It was El Pinche, the magnificent bastard, on KBJ's story about last night's debate.
What is it with these fucking idiots and their ruinous, idiotic pledges? Conservatives hate America. And America hates it (them, stupid) right back.
Actually, it seems like America (a significant proportion, anyway) thinks they are neato.
well you better fold up shop and sell your business to somebody else because this "war against business" is just getting started and it's going to be a long ride for teabagging bitches like you.
The comments at the Tea Party website would make great sarcasm. Did one of you guys write this?
LETS STOP AMERICAN PROGRESS, NOW!! I don't think your idea goes far enough. We should:
- Large and mid-size business should stop hiring
- Start firing dead weight like mexicans and lazy african americans
- Burn your socialist currency. $1, $5, $10 ,etc bills should be set ablaze like the night sky on 1776!!
- Business should stop providing services and goods to "liberal looking" people.
- Ban socialist freeloaders like policemen, firemen, veterans, teachers, poor old people, liberals, ethnics from business. Don't hire them, don't serve them.
I'm sick of Obama's kenyan marxist policies. Lets stop American growth in its tracks NOW!
I didn't write it, but I heard something similar from a ranting drunk last night, in a bar.
Heeheehee ;)
Was that you? Nice nice very nice.
"on 1776" was the giveaway…
Like every small business/small business owner is knocking down > $500k a year. WTF is with their logic? – "I'd rather go bankrupt than have someone suggest I pay an additional 3% income tax like I had to back in the rough years from '92 – 2000."
Another reason why home schooling should be abolished.
No one should hire any of the teabaggers, either, because production will decrease immediately because of severe, rampant ignorance, stupidity, racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, moronness, craziness, mental health issues, imcompetence, a lack of basic understanding, a severe lack of education, idiocy, redneckness, hillbillyitis, slowness, dumbness, and various levels of General Political and Social and Reality Stupidity Syndrome (GPSRSS).
Don't forget Muslins.
Not unlike Will Rogers's observation about the Dust Bowl migration of Okies to California improving the average IQ in both states.
Plus they are always bumping their rascals into every goddamn thing.
No time to snark kids. I'm running to the drywall warehouse to buy all the overstocked drywall. I'm starting my own drywall company so I can put those lazy Teatard bastards out of business once and for all. I 'm calling my company "Walls by Wonkette."
I think "Up Against The Wall, Motherfuckers" is a better name for a drywall business.
I AGREE!
Instead of pointing and firing a 9 mm semi-automatic pistol, my logo will feature a guy pointing and firing a nail gun. Undernearth the "assailant," it will read "Nail first, ask questions later."
You could ask Snoop to help you with shopping
And the guy pointing and firing the nail gun should look suspiciously like Chuck Norris….
"Wall of Voodoo" has a nice ring to it, too.
At long last, something to bang my head against.
Here in Ohio, our governor struck down an executive order by his predecessor curtailing the ownership of exotic animals because it would "harm small businesses."
Today we have lots of opportunities for small business owners who specialize in horse tranquilizers, animal control, and first aid. Thank god for small businesses.
What could possibly go wrong?
when did the option to thumbs down a comment become unavailable? Seems very anti-Wonkette, the best part was when you folks attempted to take apart a comment that was contrary to your liberal proclivities. I really used to enjoy getting minus 100 posts over here. (I did and do enjoy your sarcasm, tho')
We miss it too, beloved interloper.
thanks, xoxoxo
Too many trolls just coming over and thumbs-downing every comment on a thread — it distracted from our fun, although it was an incentive to visit BigGovernment from time to time.
I never did that, but I did enjoy wonketteers' irreverent sarcasm and obscenity….
Come for the sarcasm, stay for the buttsechs jokes!
Don't be absurd. Wonkette doesn't allow comments.
All comments are provided by a anarcho-collective commenting contractor.
How 'bout if we get 100 Wonketteers to tell you to fuck off? Would that pep you up some?
it would be a start, LMAO
thanks
'Splain to us again how Obama's not really preznit because he's Foreign?
oh, I forgot to mention that I also visit wonkette to read dumbass comments like yours.
oh, go pleasure yourself in the corner.
that's more like it. xoxox Boris Baddenov.
Capitalize your sentences and understand that there's only one 'd' in Badenov.
It's like the old days when you pumped before you paid, could take an item off the shelf to look at it before you bought it*, and could keep a gentle pitbull without your insurance company losing its mind. It only takes a few assholes to screw up things for everyone else. We were getting so many strafing, basement-dwelling, breibart-blowing fucktards mindlessly downfisting that it was distracting from discussions. There's an upside though…look at how many comments you're getting.
*Seriously Texas…what the fuck? I have to get a clerk with a magic key to unlock the product hanger just so I can read the fine print on the product I'd like to buy?
"…strafing, basement-dwelling, breibart-blowing fucktards mindlessly …"
LMAO.
"…There's an upside though…look at how many comments you're getting…."
true, and now I can post here without decimating my overall point cunt, er I mean count.
Thanks to the >50 comment JavaScript threading, bitching about your p-ness became a big deal.
Lonely, huh?
Does seem to take some of the fun out of it though. I guess we can find some common ground.
˙ʇı ʇsıɟuʍop uɐɔ noʎ 'sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ noʎ ɟı
"What happens when the teabaggers “go Galt”"
They starve to death.
Perfect. Pledges like Joe's like capitalism and communism only work when everyone agrees to play by the same rules. And you know how well that is working out.
It would appear that Tea Party Nation also supports the initiative to to adopt an official national language
I'd have no problem adopting English as the national language – it might force those mouth-breathing inbred Teabagger motherfuckers to actually learn to speak in coherent sentences. I'm not sure what language they speak now, but it sure doesn't sound like English (Analsphincterish, perhaps?)
That's the Ignorant Douchanese dialect they are using, I believe.
Have fun doing everything yourself, chief!
Resolved that: By their agenda and actions, those in our government who swore oaths to protect and defend our Constitution have committed treason against the United States.
They swore an oath to Grover Norquist. Why can't these twatwaffles come to terms with "2 unfunded wars, 1 huge wet, unfunded kiss to big pharma, and 2 tax breaks for the wealthiest makes for freakishly awful fiscal policy."?
Because they've stuffed their heads too far up Grover Norquist's ass to see or hear something we like to call "reality."
My fellow businessmen: I propose a nakedly collectivist action wherein we all sacrifice our immediate financial interests in order to preserve capitalism. Who's with me?
nakedly? I'm in!
*crickets
nakedly collectivist
Trouble is, you really don't want to see most AmeriCants collectivists naked….
I'll get back to you after I finish my "Hee-Haw" comic book.
Bonus downer points: Steinbeck ended his days an enthusiastic supporter of the Vietnam War. Sigh.
At least he died early, from becoming an insufferable asshole.
Really only one good book, Grapes, but like Heller's one good book, it was a really, really good book. His son now writes for car "magazines."
The stupid in this one is too strong for me to overcome this morning. Let me slam one more pot of coffee and I'll get back to y'all in a minute.
Some of you know I operate a small business. Here's my version of the sacred pledge:
"I, an American small business operator, part of the class that produces the vast majority of real, wealth producing jobs in this country, hereby resolve that I will not hire a single person because for the first time since early July, my business is fulled staffed, thank God.
I hereby declare that my job creation potential is now ceased, until next summer when business picks up again.
Also, fuck Wall Street."
Being a small business operator, does the Chamber of Commerce ever send you libertarian fapfic to try and woo you? And if so, do you wipe your ass with it? Or do you just shit directly into it, call it an improvement, and throw it in the garbage?
My hotel is a member of the local C of C. For 30+ years they've been spearheading all the local socialist projects like major improvements to the downtown core, walking/bike paths, promoting tourism and supporting special events, etc. They know which side of their bread is buttered.
Nothing at all like the worthless, counterproductive National Chamber of Commerce.
And right in line with a comment I just posted, THIS is how business hiring decisions are made. At least this is how it is done by rational, eventually successful, business owners.
NOBODY hires more people just because the Bush tax cut got extended. Nobody!
The Tea Partiers who are the first to support this are also the first to complain when they have to wait to long in line because there aren't enough cashiers.
I suppose this means when their house catches fire, they will subcontract putting it out to the lowest bidder. But where will they get the water?
So how the holy fuck do these genius business owners think they're going to make any money without any employees to do any work?
Methinks that dickface is not, in fact, a "business owner" (and please note that running Jethro's Meth Lab and Puppy Mill Paradise and Family Fun Center doesn't exactly count) or is easily, without any doubt whatsoever, the dumbest motherfucking business owner in all of recorded human history.
They spelled "jerbs" wrong.
Also.
Too.
Needs moar 9 – 9 – 9
Nein! Nein! Nein!
The Occupy Wall Street protests are being populated by even communists, my friends. Even communists.
They may include some goateed college students who are going to grow out of the phase in a few years, my god!
Communists are people, my friend.
Not familiar with a lot of even communists. Know quite a few odd ones, though…
"I got thrown out of a casino. I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number"
–Stephen Wright
Our nation's collective IQ jumps by about 100 points?
We'll no longer have more states that allow someone to marry their cousin than we do that allow gay marriage?
My blood pressure will go down by a not insignificant amount?
I will no longer have someone to point to, turn to my son, and say, "You see that guy? That's what a willfully ignorant fucknugget looks like. Avoid people like him."
Or was that question rhetorical …?
Alright, you snarky bastards…which one of you is commenter "JediNight76" (not "K" in knight) on the Teahadist site?
"LETS STOP AMERICAN PROGRESS, NOW!! I don't think your idea goes far enough. We should:
– Large and mid-size business should stop hiring
– Start firing dead weight like mexicans and lazy african americans
– Burn your socialist currency. $1, $5, $10 ,etc bills should be set ablaze like the night sky on 1776!!
- Business should stop providing services and goods to "liberal looking" people.
- Ban socialist freeloaders like policemen, firemen, veterans, teachers, poor old people, liberals, ethnics from business. Don't hire them, don't serve them.
I'm sick of Obama's kenyan marxist policies. Lets stop American growth in its tracks NOW!"
JediNight76 Pinche strikes again ! :)
Nice. Question: how do you spot "liberal looking" person?
Tends to weigh under the socialist definition of "obese" and walks with aid?
No cornsyrup stains and doesn't smell like Shoneys all the time.
You are my new hero.
OT, but Our Wonket has been ominously silent about the WILD ANIMALS ON THE LOOSE in Exit 53, Ohio.
Seriously, it's a pity those poor enslaved critters didn't eat that asshole after he let them out of their cages.
I read that and it made me sad, I am an insane animal lover , to the point that I have never seen Bambi and cannot watch any film that I know has animal death in it, however bring on WW2 movies, I love all the blood and gore in those.
Between the call of duty and the call of the wild.
I know, right?
I love me some "war porn," but the thought of an animal being harmed brings me to tears.
(BTW: did you ever see Hope and Glory (?), about how "fun" WWII was in England?)
I usually hate seeing animals injured in a film, but found Bambi's death scene in Bambi Meets Godzilla highly moving.
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/48455/bambi_meets_g…
Ominously silent? It was the first post of the morning!
Gah!
Looks like you're "Going Gah."
It’s like “going Galt,” only without the 50-page bore-ass speech to the nation.
When was saying something once ever enough around here?
Uhh …
You know who else said…
I see everything twice!
AHEM!
Gah!
It's all Mr. Drysdale's fault.
Heavens!!!
Not Marxists AND communists!
(Now I will turn on the lights in my closet because Nobama says we should conserve energy.)
I hope the home health care workers who help these all-stars change the TeeVee channel between FoxNews and Two and a Half Men put both the remote and the Teabaggers' grabbin' sticks well out of reach before they leave for the day.
Those really do seem to be their 'entertainment' options of choice. Delusional meanspirited fake news trying to appear 'balanced' and delusional fake masturbation references trying to appear funny.
But they're such wholesome programs! Chock full of American values!
Steinbeck was a little bit off – this crowd is never embarrassed, temporarily or otherwise.
Sounds like the "Christian employer" who shows up in the help wanted ads every now and then. You know, the one whose 15 hours a week at minimum wage gives him the right to smell your breath for any sign that you had a couple beers the night before.
Last one of those I worked for had a daughter that was an awesome fuck, though. I sort of miss getting those nail marks now….
"Why, as a small business owner, I think that I'll hurt my own business as a way to show those protestors a thing or two!"
"By God, I will cut off my nose to spite my face!!!"
Spoken like a true pimp.
Lord knows, small business owners absolutely love banks!
Haz teeth? And the right number of fingers and toes?
Can read the employment application? Has the ability to figure out the number of years at the last job without taking off gloves and shoes? Speaks in coherent sentences?
Had actual last job that was not limited to "taking out the trash when Mom yells down the basement steps?"
Dear Teatards, (I mean job creators)
I have a simple request. As you boldly lead the way to our Galtian utopia by cutting your own goddamn lawn please wear a shirt. Because, no matter how hot it is (or you think you are) nobody wants to see your sweaty moobs and panus jiggling around on your riding mower. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Everyone who is not blind
I hereby declare that my job creation potential is now ceased.
Who cares? Those jobs you created before sucked dead dogs, and you're a real fucking dick to work for anyway.
Oh, I bet they had some choice positions. Note that it's the resolver's/declarer's/deluded asshat's job creating potential that is now ceased. So, not that I have any actual jobs available right now, per se, but if I ever were to be in a position to have employment to offer, I fucking would not, because those people protesting the ongoing accumulation of massive wealth for the top .001 percent really frost my nanny, and this will teach them the horrible consequences of their wrong-headed actions. Of course, there might be some blameless local dude who just wants to feed his family or something and would be hanging that sheetrock, you bet, but a few protesters had to ruin it for everyone. I'm sorry protesters made me have to do that to you.
A person who reads that garbage and pretends it is coherent on any level has never hired anyone–or probably held a job himself.
There are lots of imaginary boardrooms in the teabag consciousness.
Fine. I didn't want your stupid job selling (candles, aluminum siding, encyclopedias, adult toys) anyway!!!
See?
Heir Man Kane was right.
If you don't have a job making millions by selling dildos to Church Ladies, it's your own damn fault…
I suppose The Labor Board should be examining his hiring practices, and OSHA, his working conditions.
On second thoughts, the government crawling all up his ass is communist.
oh baggers just fuck off.
you've lost the spotlight and the momentum and you're not even funny anymore.
Two things:
1) ILU KEN
2) I think it's funny that they never thought they'd see people protesting personal property in their lifetime and I'm like, "Well that's why you have to keep everyone happy, instead of trying to get the most."
Nobody move, or the 'bagger gets it!
*jump and waves his arms wildly*
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.
It's refreshing to see the Tea Party so openly call for an assault on American workers, just in case there are still independents who thought the teabaggers were about reasonable tax rates and helping the economy or some shit.
Where's the whip?
Intense Debate made me hide it somewhere on my person because it was "too long". (I assumed they meant the whip.)
Just as well. The Tea Party kept trying to steal it from me.
And yet, the media still thinks that's their platform, instead of the moon bat crazy ass racist 'me first' idiocy that they really subscribe to. Please, all of you in "journalism" stop feeding the teabagging troll machine.
Ladies and gentlemen, "Jedinight76" has been officially banned from teabagger nation.
But I bet I'll still get email spam begging for more cash.
Just change your name to "Jedinight77", they will never guess.
I thought I couldn't heart you any more than I already do, but then you go and get an avatar of the baddest bad-ass ever!
Trejo!!!!
This is actually brilliant though. Through poor customer service and slow product delivery, this "job creator's" customers will go to his competitors (remember them assface?) who know that they're in business to make a profit and not to satisfy some ideological wetdream. Then Galty McFuctard will have to declare bankruptcy and go on welfare. Maybe he'll even commit suicide?
Any deluded dimwit can plunk down $300 and instantly become an LLC. And business plans are just wastes of time in the Craigslist-Casino economy.
A post two hours old with 240 ish comments. Did Wonkette go Galt too?
Sorry, man. I was preparing for my interview with Pantsless Joe's Drywall and Daycare. Turns out he's on strike, though.
Cunts… all of them. Fuck'em.
shouldn't the tea baggers they elected in '10 have been furiously creating jobs, to show all of us how it's done? Once they got in; all they've done is spout the usual Jesus-freak bullshit.
also this "goin' Galt" BS sounds a lot like the spurious anecdote they had going around i.e. "I own a small biz and unfortunately need to make layoffs — I went to every car with an Obama sticker in the parking lot and promptly laid them off" ad nauseum…
They've been (SURPRISE!) especially useless and have certainly hurt any recovery. Good jerb, baggers!
Reid and Obama won't let 'em create jobs by capping the debt ceiling and reducing spending! How can they get past such forceful opposition?
…".With the possible exception of landing that big drywall job I bid for, in which case I promise I will hire as many drywall installers as I can find, at the lowest possible wage so that I can keep myself in beer, cigarettes and Lotto Tickets."
I'm being told my comments now must be approved by the site administrator, so this is basically a test.
Well okay, that worked. Was it something I said in the heat of the moment during last night's debate, Wonkette? I promise never to use the X-tard word again.
The Food and Drug Administration says the deadly listeria outbreak in cantaloupe was probably caused by
pools of water on the floor and old, hard-to-clean packing equipmenttoo much gum'mint regulations at a Colorado farm.//Teatard Logic
Germs are a liberal conspiracy. They're not in the Bible.
OR the Constimatution.
How much do TeaTards get paid to pick cantaloupes?
You ever tried scooting around a farm field on a Rascal?
Hey, that's my wife you're talking about!
Er, don't tell her I said that.
Well, I wasn't thinking of anyone specific, except maybe the ex. Apparently it's all in the execution, and the avoidance of grandstanding.
I keep being told that's called "marketing". Makes me twitch.
Well the joke will be on these MiniGalts, because the country has been cutting taxes and deregulating almost without pause since 1980. So there must be so many jerbs out there that nobody will notice if Rick Rebel's Lottery Store and Bait Shop doesn't hire the usual extra worm-digger come fishing season.
If they stop pretending to hire, I'll stop pretending to work.
Win/win.
How is this different from the official GOP jobs plan?
It has more words, a smaller font size, and fewer pictures.
Other than that, however …
So does this explain the dearth of Wonkette Jr. posts lately? Has Ken stopped hiring because of the OWS movement?
Her job creation potential is now ceased!
That's our sad reality now. 10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.
This joke is a KEEPER, but has an expiration date….
Rosanne Cash would like to have a word with you…
In other news, comedian Bill Cosby, opera star Beverly Sills, country music legend Johnny Cash, and news anchor Connie Chung have announced they're going to form a band and begin touring this summer. As of yet, the act has no name, but they're inviting suggestions be sent to Cosby, Sills, Cash & Chung, Box 2000….
SNL, ca. 1978
How's Kevin Bacon feeling?
Snarkiest drywall in the tri-county area!
NOT a real business owner, or, owner of a business that is going to remain forever small. No rational, successful business owner will refuse to hire someone who is necessary to the survival or expansion of the business.
Likewise, rational business owners don't hire additional people just because they got (or kept) a tax cut. That is just not how those decisions are made. How does this myth persist?
I don't care. You only hired illegal immigrants part-time anyway.
According to the Tea Party Nation web site, the author of this brilliant manifesto is apparently a process server who lives with 6 pet birds. My guess is her job creating potential was ceased long ago and has expired and gone to meet its maker. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If it hadn't nailed to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies. It's metabolic processes are now history. It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, it's shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile! THIS IS AN EX-JOB CREATOR!!
It's pining for Gerald Ford.
Was it a Norwegian Blue? Maybe its only resting.
There are two kinds of Wonketeers: the ones who quote "Blazing Saddles," and the ones who quote Python.
Why do Randians forget that Galt eventually went where the money was not?
I'm amazed that people this stupid can even figure out how to turn on a computer, let alone slap together a web site. The paranoia is fun to watch, though:
"Look out, that hippie's coming for your trailer! Second Amendment remedies!"
lol. "i'm so important that capitalism would collapse if my small time, two-bit business shut down. derp derp derp. now i'm broke, too! take that Karl Marx Hitler!"
i thought there were some inherent aspect of capitalism concerning a demand for products and services finding a way to get met? yep. they sure understand that shit. really.
I hereby declare that my job creation potential is now ceased.
No no no, that ceased sometime around your sophomore year of high school.
any chance we could convince some of these dildos that that ice floe is IN FACT the shuttle to Libertopia In The Sea?
WWJCD…What Would Jed Clampett Do?
"I, an American small business owner, part of the class that produces the vast majority of real, wealth producing jobs in this country…"
Another victim of the false belief that every dollar a small business takes in belongs exclusively to the owner regardless of business expenses owed (i.e. typical Republicans).
They totally left out Chairman Mao.
I think the "businesses" here being referred to has something to do with keeping a stable of web chat whores.
OT, but I can't believe that no one's commented on the fact that Our Wonket has been ominously silent about the WILD ANIMALS ON THE LOOSE in Exit 53, Ohio.
Seriously, it's a pity those poor enslaved critters didn't eat that asshole after he let them out of their cages.
When was saying something once ever enough around here?
/sorry for delay, I've been out of town
Jay-Z, Oprah and the Hip Hop Illuminati or GTFO!!
http://www.philadelphiaweekly.com/news-and-opinio…
OK, I revise what I said in a comment elsewhere. I AM embarrassed that many stupid hip hop black kids are running around believing this shit.
You mean Jay-Z doesn't worship Satan and secretly rule the world? That's news to me.
He rules Beyonce's exquisitely toned haunches, which is reason enough to hate him.
Here's what's so annoying about this: it's self-defeating. If business is so good that you need an extra worker or three to handle it, and you don't hire them, you'll lose business. It's as simple as that. Employers don't hire workers because they're longing to fund the creative endeavours of the labouring masses. Employers hire workers because if they didn't, they couldn't grow their business.
When the fat fux of the teabaggage realize that they're not impressing anyone with their "hold-my-breath-till-I-turn-blue" tactics, they'll shut up and fuck off. But our media just lerves to lick their disgusting collective taint in lieu of, you know, having to actually DO any of that journamalism thingy. Eh, they're at, what 20% in the polls now? And stiffing all their service providers. Too bad, so sad, bye bye babies.
These teatards should pray that the majority never decides to act towards them in the manner they try to act towards the majority.
Also, unemployed losers claiming to stop hiring is hilarious.
This is a "moran" who may not even have health care and would be dead broke by 60 if not for SS…
Every dang one of them is convinced that he/she is a Brilliant Economist, a Foreign Policy expert, an expert historian, a theologian without peer, and, of course, a Constitutional Scholar, which, of course, means they are all delusional.
I will not hire a single person until this war against business and my country is stopped.
Not much of a pledge when one considers that you don't technically 'hire' a slave.
Well if they won't give us jobs then I guess our duty as card carrying liberals, socialists and even communists is to kill them and take theirs. I got dibs on the one where I get to sit in my office all day listening to talk radio while looking at web porn and whining to everyone one who walks through the door about my wife, taxes or gas prices, in no particular order.
You know who else had one ball?!
Hitler!!!!!!!!!!!
But Goebbels ….well, you know.
Exactly.
do they hate pants?
Yes, screw the working man so we can make a political point we'll forget about in a few months!
How can we start a rumor that Obama has programmed all the Medicare-supplied Hoveround" batteries to die at 6 a.m. on Election Day? This would create battery-backup jerbs.
The only people who have the potential to do any damage by going Galt are the 99%. John Galt, Hank Reardon and Dagny Taggart aren't Atlas. The 99% are Atlas and we will soon see what happens when Atlas shrugs.
And it's prommie with the shocker!
Those are built to haul farm carts and the like. Just not powerful enough for lardassed American teabaggers.
I have one of those. But she only does it when she's having one of her insane fits. That's when she forgets she's not a kitten anymore and tries to do parkour off the bedroom curtains.
No, no, it'll be good for laffs and also for teaching your children what to avoid.
OK, forget the birf certificate. How about this blast from your past?
I would vote for a means test. Mandatory sterilization for those women who are on welfare with more than one child. For those pregnant, mandatory adoption. This would be a logical alternative to PP, save a ton of money going forward.
there are no reproductive rights for the irresponsible.
– DrBobNM, April 8, 2011
You sly charmer, you.
are you stalking me? what a pervert. Good policy tho' if I do say so myself. Liberalism is destroying this country. Wonkette is its petrie dish.
See, this is what our forefathers died for. The freedom to crush on the president without fear. Do ask, do tell!
OK, I'll admit to a medium-to-largish crush. I mean, he IS a hella good-looking man, not to mention in GREAT physical shape.
Why, he was on a fact-finding mission, of course.
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