take your ball and go home

Tea Party Dingbats Vow To Pretend To Stop Hiring Jobseekers

Do you have enough patriotism to win the lottery?As infamous walking cue-ball “Joe the Plumber” proved in 2008, America is top-loaded with dubiously employed gasbag wingnuts who believe they are the economic equals of the Koch Brothers. Each near-bankrupt sole proprietor of a drywall-hanging home-based business that hasn’t had any work since 2007 is now threatening to “stop job creation” because of the people protesting the banks. What happens when the teabaggers “go Galt” and nobody notices?

According to this pathetic communique on the Tea Party website, the struggling old white people are awfully gurd-danged vexed by these 99% hippie-working people protests — upset enough to quit hiring for those all those jobs they’re not offering anyone:

Resolved that: Our President, the Democrats-Socialists, most of the media, and most of those from Hollywood, have now encouraged and supported “Occupy” demonstrations in our streets, which are now being perpetrated across the globe, and which are being populated by various marxists, socialists and even communists, and are protesting against business, private property ownership and capitalism, something I thought I’d never see in my country, in my lifetime.

I, an American small business owner, part of the class that produces the vast majority of real, wealth producing jobs in this country, hereby resolve that I will not hire a single person until this war against business and my country is stopped.

I hereby declare that my job creation potential is now ceased.

Sponsored Video

“I’m on strike!”

It’s good that they put the last line in quotes, because these delusional scumbags are always anti-union. Tough to buy that vulgar hundred-foot-long motorhome with the quad towed behind on a trailer when the dirty worker expects a living wage and health care benefits, right?

What did John Steinbeck say? He said this: “Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.” [Tea Party Website]

Related

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

395 comments

    1. Serolf_Divad

      These are the same morons who announced their intent to go on vacation as soon as they earned $249,999.00 believing that the first dollar they earn in a higher tax bracket subjects their entire income to taxation at the higher rate.

      So take everything they say with a grain of stupid.

      1. Michele_Blachmann

        You have to wonder how they can provide any jobs when they don't even know how income tax works.

    2. Ruhe

      The irony is that all of these fuckwits, as you so succinctly put it, would, in Galt's world, be welcome to join the strike but like Eddie Willers they wouldn't be welcome in the Gulch itself.

        1. horsedreamer_1

          Ditto. But My Nemesis and his new blind scarring nation cohort would.

          Thank FSM I stopped hanging out with them.

          (N.B. All my lunatic friends ended up lefty, for the pussy. GOP chicks they knew were just too chubby and into Metallica.)

    1. chicken_thief

      Last night Jon Stewart had a nice montage of Can't-or and several others praising the Tea Party "taking the streets" and vilifying the OWS-ers of the world. The irony boggles the mind.

        1. GOPCrusher

          It's like they are not even trying anymore. Time was, in this country, a man took pride in being a sneaky, lying, conniving, little shit.
          We're going to Hell in a hand basket.

      1. SorosBot

        The wingnuts are very good at showing that they don't know the actual meaning of words. It's part of how they can actually try to claim communism and fascism are the same; together with their ignorance of history, any political ideology besides their own is simply labeled "bad" and treated as if they are interchangeable.

        1. Chichikovovich

          And also they are constantly invoking Martin Niemöller's "First they came…" remark. Good taste, Niemöller was indeed a moral hero, a representative of what Christians can be when they aren't consumed by hatred. But let's remind ourselves of what he actually said:

          "First they came for the communists,
          and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.
          Then they came for the trade unionists,
          and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.
          Then they came for the Jews,
          and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.
          Then they came for me
          and there was no one left to speak out for me."

          He did not say, "first they came for the gun owners", he did not say "first they came for the conservatives", he did not say "first they came for the Christians", three variations that I've heard conservatives say. He said what he said. Tell me again that the Nazis were communists.

          But I guess we can make a wingnut version of Niemöller's great statement:

          "First they came for the communists,
          and I didn't speak out because – c'mon, they're communists!
          Then they came for the trade unionists,
          and I didn't speak out because – well, duh! Thug Unions with Cadillac pensions were killing this country.
          Then they came for the Jews,
          and I didn't speak out because they could go to Israel and make the rapture come faster.
          Then they came for me
          and that's when I realized: They were all a bunch of goddamned communist trade unionists!

    1. JustPixelz

      Don't let Newt hear them bad-mouthing Communist Chinese. He thinks we should…

      match our competitors in China and Singapore by going to a zero capital gains tax

      Next he'll be calling for internet censorship. Wait for it…

      Information warfare is warfare. The National Security Agency should close down [Wikileaks], keep it closed down.

      Or silencing his opponents the old fashioned way…

      If you want to put people in jail … you ought to start with Barney Frank and Chris Dodd.

      1. HELisforHEL

        Seriously, I so want a Monty Pythonesque weight to splat that evil insincere smirking egomaniacal bullshitting fucker from all existence.

      2. GOPCrusher

        Well, according to Michele Bachmann, our current President is not capable of making America a economic superpower. And sense it appears that the only country that has money anymore is Red China, I have to assume that Michele is pro-Communism.

  1. Dok-cupy Everything

    Oh yeah? Well I refuse to take any investment-banking jobs until Occupy Wall Street's demands are met!

    1. memzilla

      Well, let's just invert the whole of the 1960s:

      "War! Hate! Booze! Start the War! Send The Boys Overseas!"

      Yup, that pretty much works for these gasbags, actually…

    1. Michele_Blachmann

      What have you got against horses? Geez, any poor quadruped that took on one of these Walmartians would be permanently swaybacked as a result.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Our Old Cat wandered out of our yard into the neighbor's recently, at night. Since we have identical front, back and middle fences, he got totally confused in the dark, and just started yowling piteously. It took 20 minutes to coax him down the length of the fence to make it back to the "other side of the mirror".

      That pretty much describes most Tea Party gestures, actually.

      1. Michele_Blachmann

        Yeah, but I have a lot more sympathy for Old Cat than for the teabaggage. They're wilfully ignorant, whereas poor ol' OldCat is just old and confused.

  2. ProgressiveInga

    I know, I know. But it bears repeating:

    "Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone. "
    ~John Maynard Keynes

  3. prommie

    "Marxists, socialists, and even communists?" But, oddly, no Lenninists, Maoists, or Trotskyites, which excludes me, dammit.

    1. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Anarcho-syndicalists! Wobblies! So sad that they don't know the enemy any better than that.

        1. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

          But he got to put it to Salma Hayek before he punched out. That justifies everything else.

    2. SorosBot

      None of the old boogeyman, the anarchists either; or the Freemasons. Get on that, conspiracy theorist wingnuts!

  4. SorosBot

    How is it that any idiot could think that our corporate media, which at first ignored and now belittles the Occupy Wall Street protesters, characterizing them as just a bunch of layabout hippies, has encouraged and supported them in any way?

    1. Chet Kincaid

      That IS corporate media support. You're still hearing about OWS, aren't you, unlike the protests during the Iraq War? The difference now is, enough people can see past the spin to know what it's really about, so the disapproving coverage keeps making the protests biggger and bigger, forcing the media to grudgingly admit some legitimacy.

  5. magic_titty

    I will not hire a single person until this war against business and my country is stopped.

    I'm gunna subvert my own beliefs/ideals to spite (and thereby promote) somebody else's. Yeah!

  6. SexySmurf

    Judging from this post, I'm guessing the author owns a small business which produces run-on sentences.

    1. kissawookiee

      Shipping costs have skyrocketed since the boys down at Conjunction Junction decided they'd finally had enough. No wonder he can't afford to hire anyone.

  7. prommie

    Well fuck them; I hereby promise, avow, and resolve, that I will refrain from sprouting wings and flying over the moon while flowers shoot out of my ass and I sing "Some Enchanted Evening," until the Teabaggers start hiring again.

  8. DahBoner

    " I will not hire a single person until this war against business and my country is stopped …"

    Wingnut Translate:

    I CAN'T STAND HAVING A BLACK PRESIDENT.

    1. snoopyfan2010

      You know the reason why they hate is the same reason they didn't want Jackie Robinson playing baseball. They were afraid he might be better.

      1. Michele_Blachmann

        He IS! He's immeasurably better than Bush ever was, and he's certainly bucketloads better than the bunch of losers they have running for his job. That's gotta be what hurts them so bad. He IS better.

        1. snoopyfan2010

          Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, he's easier on the eyes also too. But that's just Snoop's opinion.

          1. Michele_Blachmann

            No, it's not, it would seem many of the fine Ladies of Teh Wonketz have a hopelessly panty-wetting crush on Mister Michelle, and more than one dood has avowed a man-crush. Why, some of us right here in this room … wut?

          2. snoopyfan2010

            See, this is what our forefathers died for. The freedom to crush on the president without fear. Do ask, do tell!

    2. GOPCrusher

      I thought they made that their mission statement the day after Obama was elected. Seems like that was the day I started receiving that chain e-mail about companies to start laying off anyone that had a Obama/Biden bumper sticker on their vehicle because they voted for Change.

    3. Sparky_McGruff

      Not quite. Needs more spittle and mispelled words. I suggest that the thought bubble looks more like "FUKC THE NIGGAR PRESNIDENT!!!!"

    1. ProgressiveInga

      Must. Stop. Commenting. Or I'll get fired and have to not apply for a job that the potential job creators are not hiring for. What, what?

    1. chicken_thief

      I was thinking the same thing – these fuckers are the adult version of the punk ass playground kid who, when he/his team started losing, took their ball and went home.

  9. JoshuaNorton

    I hereby declare that my job creation potential is now ceased.

    For a bunch of Adam Smith wannabe's, they're profoundly unaware of the things he really said.

    "It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard for their own self-interest. We address ourselves not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our own necessaties, but of their advantages."

    Wealth of Nations
    Adam Smith

    1. snackypants

      Yes, if a "job creator" has a legitimate need to fill a position, they're not going to avoid filling it because some half-baked wingnut group is throwing a temper tantrum.

    2. OccupyFnChicken

      I wonder what Adam Smith would say about egregious patenting, exclusive markets, apples-versus-oranges product schemes, egregious, pervasive marketing, subsidized corporate welfare and credit default swaps.

      1. HateMachine

        If Adam Smith took one look at the modern financial industry, he'd morph into Keynes' and Marx's illegitimate man-love-child.

        1. SorosBot

          Hell, if the modern conservatives read Adam Smith they'd call him a socialist communist; he did support progressive taxation and regulation of the economy.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    Resolved that: President Obama has seized what amount to dictatorial powers to bypass our Congress, and that because the Congress is controlled by a Progressive socialist Senate that will not impeach one of their kind, they have allowed this and yielded what are rightfully congressional powers to this new dictator.

    He did what now?! I must've been watching the Masterpiece Theater marathon when President Obama seized dictatorial powers to bypass Congress — which, apparently is already in his back pocket so it wouldn't matter if he bypassed it. Really TPN, it helps to be able to write at least one sentence without blatantly contradicting your own conspiracy theories.

    1. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      He's subverting Congress the same way he's advancing gun control: by not doing it. That's how devious Obama is. This just lulls everybody into complacency, and then — Bang! down come the hammer and sickle of socialism/Marxism/liberal-facism. Any day now! Be afraid!

    2. WIDTAP

      Last I checedk, the House impeached, the Senate tried. I think it is written down somewhere like that. Not that the TeaLeaves would notice or anything.

    3. Mumbletypeg

      "I must've been watching the Masterpiece Theater marathon when…!"

      Yeah I hate it when I do that.. when I can hardly tell Alistair Cookee from Cokie Roberts coming over the staticky squawk box.. or whether it’s Ian McShane’s Disraeli or Paul Keating squinting at his pocket watch on my teevee screen…

    4. SorosBot

      He may not have seized dictatorial powers yet, but the wingnuts can imagine it happening, so it might as well have happened.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        I'm surprised their manifesto didn't mention czars — whatever happened to them? I could swear that at one point America was going to be taken over by autocratic inbred Romanoffs who owned millions of serfs — but then that was before President Obama was going to set the Gitmo terrorists free to roam America's shopping malls, opened the border to Mexicans and Hamas sleeper cells and turned General Motors into a socialist solar-powered camp for exploiting job-creators. Maybe the czars just got lost in the shuffle.

    5. PubOption

      The Tea Party website is interesting. They can construct sentences in the style of an earlier era, although 1800's rather than 1700's, but they can't distinguish a resolution from a statement.

    6. Chet Kincaid

      I'm confused, I thought it was assumed that Obama had those powers, and that we hate him because he doesn't have the big, hairy ballsacks to actually use them!

    7. Toomush_Infer

      Behold the awesome power of the intertubes….giving voice to those with no gift for voice….or thought…or any instinct other than sticking their noses as far up the assholes of caviar-eaters as possible…

  11. slithytoves

    Dear Idiots:
    If you don't hire anyone, then you'll have to do all the work yourselves, in which case you can't be on strike. Don't worry though, Darwin will take care of you.
    Sincerely,
    Slithytoves

    1. chicken_thief

      And Grover Norquist is some godlike fixture whose simpleton wishes are to be followed no matter what.

  12. grex1949

    Whoever wrote this resolution needs to hire an editor who passed English composition. After that, NO MORE JOBS!

    1. Dok-cupy Everything

      What, and support the America-hating government schools that teach communism and hatred for all that is decent and good and holy, why would you do that, are you a homosexual?

    1. proudgrampa

      Yeah, those people just don't get it. They didn't even mention the Reptilians. Where is David Icke when we need him???

  13. weejee

    Needz moar hydraulic despotism. That is what the Bushie Paraguay land grab was all about. Wake up sheeples social diseased economics is over it's aqua 24/7.

    Folks in mildewed C'Addle will be selling water from our rain barrels for $10/gallon:
    ♪♫ We're in the money, we're in the money ♫♪

      1. weejee

        FOB for sure. Home delivery depends on how successful our project is to convert crematorias to biofuel rendering plants for the deceased obese .

        1. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

          The delivery trucks should have bumper stickers that read "This vehicle is powered by fat-asses," and be given HOV privileges.

  14. metamarcisf

    Comments from the aforementioned website:

    Burn your s ociali st currency. $1, $5, $10 ,etc bills should be set ablaze like the night sky on 1776!!
    - Business should stop providing services and goods to "li beral looking" people.
    - Ban sociali st freeloaders like policemen, firemen, veterans, teachers, poor old people, liber als, ethnics from business. Don't hire them, don't serve them.

    All right, which one of you Wonkettes wrote this stuff?

    1. Eve8Apples

      The commenters are publishing a "Poverty for Dumbasses" self-help guide. Only sell goods and services to old, white people working in the private sector.

    2. DahBoner

      NO DREADLOCKS, TIE DYES, GRATEFUL DEAD T-SHIRTS, PATCHOULI, SINGLE MOTHERS, DEMOCRATS, INDEPENDENTS WHO DON'T VOTE REPUBLICAN, COLLEGE STUDENTS, OLD HIPPIES, HIPSTERS IN SKINNY JEANS, FOREIGNERS AND PEOPLE ON WELFARE NEED APPLY…

    3. MissusBarry

      I wonder if I'm "li beral looking?" And, I'd like to see just how much that idiot cares about my politics seeing as I'm a fortunate person with Ameros in my pocket…I would really like to walk into that (doubtful) job creator's place of business and pull a Pretty Woman-style fuck you.

    4. Guppy06

      "Burn your s ociali st currency. $1, (…)bills should be set ablaze like the night sky on 1776!!"

      Want to see a Teabagger go apeshit? Give them a dollar coin.

      EDIT: I'm serious. There's a doctoral thesis somewhere in the visceral, sometimes violent reaction these people have in seeing "valuable" paper replaced with "worthless" metal. Often it triggers a "government should stay out of government money" spittle-filled rant.

      It's be best entertainment that can be had for $25, and available at most banks no less!

      1. Eve8Apples

        If the coin depicts a Native American woman on it, their minds explode.

        "WHY DO THE SOSHIALIZT GUVMINT THINK A NATIVE AMERIKAN BELONG ON THE MURKIN' MONNEEEZ?!?!?!?!?!?"

        1. Guppy06

          "What's this say? 'Garfield?' Some cartoon cat? We only use real money with President Hamilton or President Franklin on it!"

      2. DahBoner

        It's be best entertainment that can be had for $25

        Now that's a business I want in on!!!

        Selling dollar coins for $25? Sign me up….

    5. imissopus

      Someone on an earlier thread actually did claim credit.

      EDIT: It was El Pinche, the magnificent bastard, on KBJ's story about last night's debate.

  15. freakishlywrong

    What is it with these fucking idiots and their ruinous, idiotic pledges? Conservatives hate America. And America hates it (them, stupid) right back.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      Actually, it seems like America (a significant proportion, anyway) thinks they are neato.

  16. GregComlish

    well you better fold up shop and sell your business to somebody else because this "war against business" is just getting started and it's going to be a long ride for teabagging bitches like you.

  17. Monsieur_Grumpe

    The comments at the Tea Party website would make great sarcasm. Did one of you guys write this?

    LETS STOP AMERICAN PROGRESS, NOW!! I don't think your idea goes far enough. We should:
    - Large and mid-size business should stop hiring
    - Start firing dead weight like mexicans and lazy african americans
    - Burn your socialist currency. $1, $5, $10 ,etc bills should be set ablaze like the night sky on 1776!!
    - Business should stop providing services and goods to "liberal looking" people.
    - Ban socialist freeloaders like policemen, firemen, veterans, teachers, poor old people, liberals, ethnics from business. Don't hire them, don't serve them.
    I'm sick of Obama's kenyan marxist policies. Lets stop American growth in its tracks NOW!

    1. chicken_thief

      Like every small business/small business owner is knocking down > $500k a year. WTF is with their logic? – "I'd rather go bankrupt than have someone suggest I pay an additional 3% income tax like I had to back in the rough years from '92 – 2000."

  18. thefrontpage

    No one should hire any of the teabaggers, either, because production will decrease immediately because of severe, rampant ignorance, stupidity, racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, moronness, craziness, mental health issues, imcompetence, a lack of basic understanding, a severe lack of education, idiocy, redneckness, hillbillyitis, slowness, dumbness, and various levels of General Political and Social and Reality Stupidity Syndrome (GPSRSS).

  19. Eve8Apples

    No time to snark kids. I'm running to the drywall warehouse to buy all the overstocked drywall. I'm starting my own drywall company so I can put those lazy Teatard bastards out of business once and for all. I 'm calling my company "Walls by Wonkette."

      1. Eve8Apples

        I AGREE!

        Instead of pointing and firing a 9 mm semi-automatic pistol, my logo will feature a guy pointing and firing a nail gun. Undernearth the "assailant," it will read "Nail first, ask questions later."

  20. seppdecker

    Here in Ohio, our governor struck down an executive order by his predecessor curtailing the ownership of exotic animals because it would "harm small businesses."

    Today we have lots of opportunities for small business owners who specialize in horse tranquilizers, animal control, and first aid. Thank god for small businesses.

  21. DrBobNM

    when did the option to thumbs down a comment become unavailable? Seems very anti-Wonkette, the best part was when you folks attempted to take apart a comment that was contrary to your liberal proclivities. I really used to enjoy getting minus 100 posts over here. (I did and do enjoy your sarcasm, tho')

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Too many trolls just coming over and thumbs-downing every comment on a thread — it distracted from our fun, although it was an incentive to visit BigGovernment from time to time.

          1. Dok-cupy Everything

            OK, forget the birf certificate. How about this blast from your past?

            I would vote for a means test. Mandatory sterilization for those women who are on welfare with more than one child. For those pregnant, mandatory adoption. This would be a logical alternative to PP, save a ton of money going forward.

            there are no reproductive rights for the irresponsible.

            DrBobNM, April 8, 2011

            You sly charmer, you.

          2. DrBobNM

            are you stalking me? what a pervert. Good policy tho' if I do say so myself. Liberalism is destroying this country. Wonkette is its petrie dish.

    2. DashboardBuddha

      It's like the old days when you pumped before you paid, could take an item off the shelf to look at it before you bought it*, and could keep a gentle pitbull without your insurance company losing its mind. It only takes a few assholes to screw up things for everyone else. We were getting so many strafing, basement-dwelling, breibart-blowing fucktards mindlessly downfisting that it was distracting from discussions. There's an upside though…look at how many comments you're getting.

      *Seriously Texas…what the fuck? I have to get a clerk with a magic key to unlock the product hanger just so I can read the fine print on the product I'd like to buy?

      1. DrBobNM

        "…strafing, basement-dwelling, breibart-blowing fucktards mindlessly …"
        LMAO.

        "…There's an upside though…look at how many comments you're getting…."

        true, and now I can post here without decimating my overall point cunt, er I mean count.

  22. Maman

    Perfect. Pledges like Joe's like capitalism and communism only work when everyone agrees to play by the same rules. And you know how well that is working out.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      I'd have no problem adopting English as the national language – it might force those mouth-breathing inbred Teabagger motherfuckers to actually learn to speak in coherent sentences. I'm not sure what language they speak now, but it sure doesn't sound like English (Analsphincterish, perhaps?)

  23. freakishlywrong

    Resolved that: By their agenda and actions, those in our government who swore oaths to protect and defend our Constitution have committed treason against the United States.
    They swore an oath to Grover Norquist. Why can't these twatwaffles come to terms with "2 unfunded wars, 1 huge wet, unfunded kiss to big pharma, and 2 tax breaks for the wealthiest makes for freakishly awful fiscal policy."?

    1. Sue4466

      Because they've stuffed their heads too far up Grover Norquist's ass to see or hear something we like to call "reality."

  24. GregComlish

    My fellow businessmen: I propose a nakedly collectivist action wherein we all sacrifice our immediate financial interests in order to preserve capitalism. Who's with me?

    1. DahBoner

      nakedly collectivist

      Trouble is, you really don't want to see most AmeriCants collectivists naked….

  25. Lucidamente1

    Bonus downer points: Steinbeck ended his days an enthusiastic supporter of the Vietnam War. Sigh.

      1. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

        Really only one good book, Grapes, but like Heller's one good book, it was a really, really good book. His son now writes for car "magazines."

  26. kissawookiee

    The stupid in this one is too strong for me to overcome this morning. Let me slam one more pot of coffee and I'll get back to y'all in a minute.

  27. Lascauxcaveman

    Some of you know I operate a small business. Here's my version of the sacred pledge:

    "I, an American small business operator, part of the class that produces the vast majority of real, wealth producing jobs in this country, hereby resolve that I will not hire a single person because for the first time since early July, my business is fulled staffed, thank God.

    I hereby declare that my job creation potential is now ceased, until next summer when business picks up again.

    Also, fuck Wall Street."

    1. HateMachine

      Being a small business operator, does the Chamber of Commerce ever send you libertarian fapfic to try and woo you? And if so, do you wipe your ass with it? Or do you just shit directly into it, call it an improvement, and throw it in the garbage?

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        My hotel is a member of the local C of C. For 30+ years they've been spearheading all the local socialist projects like major improvements to the downtown core, walking/bike paths, promoting tourism and supporting special events, etc. They know which side of their bread is buttered.

        Nothing at all like the worthless, counterproductive National Chamber of Commerce.

    2. franco_pinyon

      And right in line with a comment I just posted, THIS is how business hiring decisions are made. At least this is how it is done by rational, eventually successful, business owners.

      NOBODY hires more people just because the Bush tax cut got extended. Nobody!

  28. tihond

    The Tea Partiers who are the first to support this are also the first to complain when they have to wait to long in line because there aren't enough cashiers.

    1. GOPCrusher

      I suppose this means when their house catches fire, they will subcontract putting it out to the lowest bidder. But where will they get the water?

  29. UnholyMoses

    So how the holy fuck do these genius business owners think they're going to make any money without any employees to do any work?

    Methinks that dickface is not, in fact, a "business owner" (and please note that running Jethro's Meth Lab and Puppy Mill Paradise and Family Fun Center doesn't exactly count) or is easily, without any doubt whatsoever, the dumbest motherfucking business owner in all of recorded human history.

    1. SorosBot

      They may include some goateed college students who are going to grow out of the phase in a few years, my god!

      1. Dok-cupy Everything

        "I got thrown out of a casino. I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number"

        –Stephen Wright

  30. UnholyMoses

    What happens when the teabaggers “go Galt'

    Our nation's collective IQ jumps by about 100 points?

    We'll no longer have more states that allow someone to marry their cousin than we do that allow gay marriage?

    My blood pressure will go down by a not insignificant amount?

    I will no longer have someone to point to, turn to my son, and say, "You see that guy? That's what a willfully ignorant fucknugget looks like. Avoid people like him."

    Or was that question rhetorical …?

  31. Chillwaver

    Alright, you snarky bastards…which one of you is commenter "JediNight76" (not "K" in knight) on the Teahadist site?

    "LETS STOP AMERICAN PROGRESS, NOW!! I don't think your idea goes far enough. We should:
    – Large and mid-size business should stop hiring
    – Start firing dead weight like mexicans and lazy african americans
    – Burn your socialist currency. $1, $5, $10 ,etc bills should be set ablaze like the night sky on 1776!!
    - Business should stop providing services and goods to "liberal looking" people.
    - Ban socialist freeloaders like policemen, firemen, veterans, teachers, poor old people, liberals, ethnics from business. Don't hire them, don't serve them.

    I'm sick of Obama's kenyan marxist policies. Lets stop American growth in its tracks NOW!"

  32. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

    OT, but Our Wonket has been ominously silent about the WILD ANIMALS ON THE LOOSE in Exit 53, Ohio.

    Seriously, it's a pity those poor enslaved critters didn't eat that asshole after he let them out of their cages.

    1. Limeylizzie

      I read that and it made me sad, I am an insane animal lover , to the point that I have never seen Bambi and cannot watch any film that I know has animal death in it, however bring on WW2 movies, I love all the blood and gore in those.

      1. ProudLibunatic

        I know, right?
        I love me some "war porn," but the thought of an animal being harmed brings me to tears.
        (BTW: did you ever see Hope and Glory (?), about how "fun" WWII was in England?)

          1. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

            It’s like “going Galt,” only without the 50-page bore-ass speech to the nation.

  33. Jerri

    I hope the home health care workers who help these all-stars change the TeeVee channel between FoxNews and Two and a Half Men put both the remote and the Teabaggers' grabbin' sticks well out of reach before they leave for the day.

    1. HELisforHEL

      Those really do seem to be their 'entertainment' options of choice. Delusional meanspirited fake news trying to appear 'balanced' and delusional fake masturbation references trying to appear funny.

  34. __kth__

    Sounds like the "Christian employer" who shows up in the help wanted ads every now and then. You know, the one whose 15 hours a week at minimum wage gives him the right to smell your breath for any sign that you had a couple beers the night before.

    1. chicken_thief

      Last one of those I worked for had a daughter that was an awesome fuck, though. I sort of miss getting those nail marks now….

  35. Terry

    "Why, as a small business owner, I think that I'll hurt my own business as a way to show those protestors a thing or two!"

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Can read the employment application? Has the ability to figure out the number of years at the last job without taking off gloves and shoes? Speaks in coherent sentences?

      1. kissawookiee

        Had actual last job that was not limited to "taking out the trash when Mom yells down the basement steps?"

  36. ThundercatHo

    Dear Teatards, (I mean job creators)
    I have a simple request. As you boldly lead the way to our Galtian utopia by cutting your own goddamn lawn please wear a shirt. Because, no matter how hot it is (or you think you are) nobody wants to see your sweaty moobs and panus jiggling around on your riding mower. Thank you.
    Sincerely,
    Everyone who is not blind

  37. BaldarTFlagass

    I hereby declare that my job creation potential is now ceased.

    Who cares? Those jobs you created before sucked dead dogs, and you're a real fucking dick to work for anyway.

    1. SenileAgitation

      Oh, I bet they had some choice positions. Note that it's the resolver's/declarer's/deluded asshat's job creating potential that is now ceased. So, not that I have any actual jobs available right now, per se, but if I ever were to be in a position to have employment to offer, I fucking would not, because those people protesting the ongoing accumulation of massive wealth for the top .001 percent really frost my nanny, and this will teach them the horrible consequences of their wrong-headed actions. Of course, there might be some blameless local dude who just wants to feed his family or something and would be hanging that sheetrock, you bet, but a few protesters had to ruin it for everyone. I'm sorry protesters made me have to do that to you.

  38. proudgrampa

    Fine. I didn't want your stupid job selling (candles, aluminum siding, encyclopedias, adult toys) anyway!!!

    1. DahBoner

      See?

      Heir Man Kane was right.

      If you don't have a job making millions by selling dildos to Church Ladies, it's your own damn fault…

  39. WhatTheHeck

    I suppose The Labor Board should be examining his hiring practices, and OSHA, his working conditions.
    On second thoughts, the government crawling all up his ass is communist.

  40. fuflans

    oh baggers just fuck off.

    you've lost the spotlight and the momentum and you're not even funny anymore.

  41. Billmatic

    Two things:

    1) ILU KEN
    2) I think it's funny that they never thought they'd see people protesting personal property in their lifetime and I'm like, "Well that's why you have to keep everyone happy, instead of trying to get the most."

  42. Naked_Bunny

    It's refreshing to see the Tea Party so openly call for an assault on American workers, just in case there are still independents who thought the teabaggers were about reasonable tax rates and helping the economy or some shit.

      1. Naked_Bunny

        Intense Debate made me hide it somewhere on my person because it was "too long". (I assumed they meant the whip.)

        Just as well. The Tea Party kept trying to steal it from me.

    1. HELisforHEL

      And yet, the media still thinks that's their platform, instead of the moon bat crazy ass racist 'me first' idiocy that they really subscribe to. Please, all of you in "journalism" stop feeding the teabagging troll machine.

  43. El Pinche

    Ladies and gentlemen, "Jedinight76" has been officially banned from teabagger nation.

    But I bet I'll still get email spam begging for more cash.

  44. DashboardBuddha

    This is actually brilliant though. Through poor customer service and slow product delivery, this "job creator's" customers will go to his competitors (remember them assface?) who know that they're in business to make a profit and not to satisfy some ideological wetdream. Then Galty McFuctard will have to declare bankruptcy and go on welfare. Maybe he'll even commit suicide?

    1. Naked_Bunny

      Sorry, man. I was preparing for my interview with Pantsless Joe's Drywall and Daycare. Turns out he's on strike, though.

  45. carlgt1

    shouldn't the tea baggers they elected in '10 have been furiously creating jobs, to show all of us how it's done? Once they got in; all they've done is spout the usual Jesus-freak bullshit.

    also this "goin' Galt" BS sounds a lot like the spurious anecdote they had going around i.e. "I own a small biz and unfortunately need to make layoffs — I went to every car with an Obama sticker in the parking lot and promptly laid them off" ad nauseum…

    1. HELisforHEL

      They've been (SURPRISE!) especially useless and have certainly hurt any recovery. Good jerb, baggers!

    2. Naked_Bunny

      Reid and Obama won't let 'em create jobs by capping the debt ceiling and reducing spending! How can they get past such forceful opposition?

  46. ttommyunger

    …".With the possible exception of landing that big drywall job I bid for, in which case I promise I will hire as many drywall installers as I can find, at the lowest possible wage so that I can keep myself in beer, cigarettes and Lotto Tickets."

  47. MzNicky

    I'm being told my comments now must be approved by the site administrator, so this is basically a test.

    Well okay, that worked. Was it something I said in the heat of the moment during last night's debate, Wonkette? I promise never to use the X-tard word again.

  48. DahBoner

    The Food and Drug Administration says the deadly listeria outbreak in cantaloupe was probably caused by pools of water on the floor and old, hard-to-clean packing equipment too much gum'mint regulations at a Colorado farm.

    //Teatard Logic

  49. Chichikovovich

    Well the joke will be on these MiniGalts, because the country has been cutting taxes and deregulating almost without pause since 1980. So there must be so many jerbs out there that nobody will notice if Rick Rebel's Lottery Store and Bait Shop doesn't hire the usual extra worm-digger come fishing season.

  50. HistoriCat

    So does this explain the dearth of Wonkette Jr. posts lately? Has Ken stopped hiring because of the OWS movement?

  51. BTWBFDIMHO

    Her job creation potential is now ceased!
    That's our sad reality now. 10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

    1. Dok-cupy Everything

      In other news, comedian Bill Cosby, opera star Beverly Sills, country music legend Johnny Cash, and news anchor Connie Chung have announced they're going to form a band and begin touring this summer. As of yet, the act has no name, but they're inviting suggestions be sent to Cosby, Sills, Cash & Chung, Box 2000….

      SNL, ca. 1978

  52. franco_pinyon

    NOT a real business owner, or, owner of a business that is going to remain forever small. No rational, successful business owner will refuse to hire someone who is necessary to the survival or expansion of the business.

    Likewise, rational business owners don't hire additional people just because they got (or kept) a tax cut. That is just not how those decisions are made. How does this myth persist?

  53. OneYieldRegular

    According to the Tea Party Nation web site, the author of this brilliant manifesto is apparently a process server who lives with 6 pet birds. My guess is her job creating potential was ceased long ago and has expired and gone to meet its maker. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If it hadn't nailed to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies. It's metabolic processes are now history. It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, it's shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile! THIS IS AN EX-JOB CREATOR!!

  54. spends2much

    I'm amazed that people this stupid can even figure out how to turn on a computer, let alone slap together a web site. The paranoia is fun to watch, though:
    "Look out, that hippie's coming for your trailer! Second Amendment remedies!"

  55. poncho_pilot

    lol. "i'm so important that capitalism would collapse if my small time, two-bit business shut down. derp derp derp. now i'm broke, too! take that Karl Marx Hitler!"

    i thought there were some inherent aspect of capitalism concerning a demand for products and services finding a way to get met? yep. they sure understand that shit. really.

  56. MistaEko

    I hereby declare that my job creation potential is now ceased.

    No no no, that ceased sometime around your sophomore year of high school.

  57. poncho_pilot

    any chance we could convince some of these dildos that that ice floe is IN FACT the shuttle to Libertopia In The Sea?

  58. BarackMyWorld

    "I, an American small business owner, part of the class that produces the vast majority of real, wealth producing jobs in this country…"

    Another victim of the false belief that every dollar a small business takes in belongs exclusively to the owner regardless of business expenses owed (i.e. typical Republicans).

  59. Extemporanus

    OT, but I can't believe that no one's commented on the fact that Our Wonket has been ominously silent about the WILD ANIMALS ON THE LOOSE in Exit 53, Ohio.

    Seriously, it's a pity those poor enslaved critters didn't eat that asshole after he let them out of their cages.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      When was saying something once ever enough around here?

      /sorry for delay, I've been out of town

  60. Michele_Blachmann

    Here's what's so annoying about this: it's self-defeating. If business is so good that you need an extra worker or three to handle it, and you don't hire them, you'll lose business. It's as simple as that. Employers don't hire workers because they're longing to fund the creative endeavours of the labouring masses. Employers hire workers because if they didn't, they couldn't grow their business.

    When the fat fux of the teabaggage realize that they're not impressing anyone with their "hold-my-breath-till-I-turn-blue" tactics, they'll shut up and fuck off. But our media just lerves to lick their disgusting collective taint in lieu of, you know, having to actually DO any of that journamalism thingy. Eh, they're at, what 20% in the polls now? And stiffing all their service providers. Too bad, so sad, bye bye babies.

  61. glamourdammerung

    These teatards should pray that the majority never decides to act towards them in the manner they try to act towards the majority.

    Also, unemployed losers claiming to stop hiring is hilarious.

  62. ndisang67

    This is a "moran" who may not even have health care and would be dead broke by 60 if not for SS…

  63. padremickey

    Every dang one of them is convinced that he/she is a Brilliant Economist, a Foreign Policy expert, an expert historian, a theologian without peer, and, of course, a Constitutional Scholar, which, of course, means they are all delusional.

  64. user-of-owls

    I will not hire a single person until this war against business and my country is stopped.

    Not much of a pledge when one considers that you don't technically 'hire' a slave.

  65. fishskicanoe

    Well if they won't give us jobs then I guess our duty as card carrying liberals, socialists and even communists is to kill them and take theirs. I got dibs on the one where I get to sit in my office all day listening to talk radio while looking at web porn and whining to everyone one who walks through the door about my wife, taxes or gas prices, in no particular order.

  66. a_pink_poodle

    Yes, screw the working man so we can make a political point we'll forget about in a few months!

  67. Veritas78

    How can we start a rumor that Obama has programmed all the Medicare-supplied Hoveround" batteries to die at 6 a.m. on Election Day? This would create battery-backup jerbs.

  68. anon14

    The only people who have the potential to do any damage by going Galt are the 99%. John Galt, Hank Reardon and Dagny Taggart aren't Atlas. The 99% are Atlas and we will soon see what happens when Atlas shrugs.

  69. Michele_Blachmann

    Those are built to haul farm carts and the like. Just not powerful enough for lardassed American teabaggers.

  70. Michele_Blachmann

    I have one of those. But she only does it when she's having one of her insane fits. That's when she forgets she's not a kitten anymore and tries to do parkour off the bedroom curtains.

Comments are closed.