flotus files

Michelle Obama Takes Break From Bicep Curls to Learn Twitter (VIDEO)

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Your regular installment of the FLOTUS Files was postponed this week, as your FLOTUS correspondent was kidnapped and is currently being held hostage in socialist/communist/generally terrible France, which is somehow Michelle Obama’s favorite and least favorite place of all time, favorite because of all the fanciness, and least favorite because of the time everyone ate cake, or something! We never really know what to expect from our FLOTUS, because she is full of surprises. This week, for example, she decided to forgo physical activity to sit at a computer and learn to “tweet,” a thing she maybe found out about from her husband, who sometimes indulges in tweeting.

Here is a video of our Michelle, submitting to peer pressure and going on the Twitter. She is probably just doing it to better protect her children, since she has heard about so many recent, local incidents of people flashing their junk and talking about whores, on this Twitter device.

A first tweet is a special experience shared between a First Lady and her staff. It must include references to military families or childhood obesity (direct tweets to obese children with cute hashtags about laziness are a plus!) and conclude with sign language applause. Well done, FLOTUS, well done. [YouTube]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke
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  1. Barb

    I hope you are enjoying France! Thank them for helping to nail Gadhafi, because Barry had nothing to do with it, according to the GOPhers.

    1. Plowmon

      "It was some rag-head with an AK that got him!!" What a shame our intervention in Iraq didn't run along similar lines…

  2. Callyson

    From joiningforces.gov
    "The spirit of service and selflessness that is seen in military communities across our country represents what is best about America, and as a Nation we owe our brave service members and their families more than gratitude – we owe them the support they have earned. Joining Forces will ask all Americans to take action, because each of us has a role to play in reconnecting with military families in our communities." — First Lady Michelle Obama.
    FLOTUS better do a follow – up tweet: "Sending BillO's books to Afghanistan does not count."

    1. HistoriCat

      It's getting cold in Afghanistan at this time of year – a nice fire might be just the thing to warm the troops and keep spirits up.

  3. noodlesalad

    Not only is Michelle the hottest first lady evah, she's the first who could definitely kick the ass of every single person running against her husband. #justsayin #SuperFLOTUS

    1. Crank_Tango

      Hmm yeah she has some guns and all but I don't think she is remotely hot. Maybe I just haven't seen enough pics of her–

      Now Jackie O…

  4. mourningnmerica

    Hopey is gettin' some tonight. Michelle calls it Drone Sex. You get up real close, without a sound, then… boom.

  5. Jukesgrrl

    That sweater looks suspiciously like cashmere. The Tea Party will call NeimanMarcusLibel in 3, 2, 1 …

    1. Negropolis

      I guess you've never seen a Center City Philly flash mob, then. lol


  6. Mumbletypeg

    and conclude with sign language applause

    Next stop: Occupy Wall Street, General Assembly! Where clapping is superceded by 'spirit fingers'… or something, right?

  7. SorosBot

    No, Michelle, don't give in to the latest pointless fad! Seriously, is there any point to this stupid twitter thingy? Or am I just a grouchy old man?

    Also, France is great and hope you have a good time there. There's too much to see in one visit in Paris alone. The wine is amazing; there are tons of varieties of pink wines, unlike the just Rose and mostly cheap shit, and that's what everyone seems to drink.

    1. LiveToServeYa

      Yes. Twitter even seduced Wonkette. Remember it was 'Famous. On Twitter' or whatever, then it was all CLICK THIS BOX TO RETWEET THIS POST. Wonkette is morally weak.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    Her first tweet and she didn't even mention The LORD, the flag, American exceptionalism or the free market? I swear, this woman is taking over the internet just so she can express how much she wants to destroy America. Can we impeach President Obama for this?

  9. Negropolis

    This reminds me that FLOTUS is old enough to be my mother. A young, hot mother, of course, but old enough to be my mother, nonetheless. BTW, I never get tired of seeing Jill Biden. Never.

  10. Negropolis

    OT: I was reading down the page about the NY Post criticising what the OWStreeters are eating, and I'd like to send a message.

    Everytime you bitterly criticize OWS, a guillotine gets its blade. Just sayin'.

    Occupy the Media. Hell, Occupy Everything. Occupy it Now. Occupy it with fire. Occupy 'til it hurts.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      Solidarity!~ #Occupy Congress! Occupy the Halls of The People! Enough of these politicians who cannot do their jobs, who delight in quibbling while we collapse and die. #Occupy!

  11. MiniMencken

    Tweet your husband to grow a pair! Surrounding the Capitol with tanks and troops, taking out all of the Secess Repug legislators onto the front steps and then mowing them down with beaucoup 7.62 would be a good first move. Jus' sayin'.

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