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Reading is for socialists. Books are for capitalists.Oh, this is cute: delusional pizza man Herman Cain made his presidential campaign purchase over a hundred grand in copies of his own weird book sold by his own for-profit company! That is why God invented long-shot political campaigns after all, to help ambitious grifters shill prematurely titled books like This Is Herman Cain! My Journey to the White House filled with curious exhortations to illiteracy such as “I like to say I’m a leader, not a reader.” Only SHEEPLE read. Anyway, Herman Cain will keep running for president until all his books about the pointlessness of reading are sold, to his campaign. Good “business plan.”

From TalkingPointsMemo:

Given any money to Herman Cain lately? There’s a decent chance some of it went directly into the coffers of a for-profit company Cain runs.

A review of Cain’s last two FEC reports shows the campaign transferring just over $100,000 in cash to Herman Cain T.H.E. New Voice, a company that promotes Cain’s books and political philosophy.

In the Federal Election Commission (FEC) report his campaign filed in July, Cain’s team reported sending $50,831.35 to T.H.E. New Voice. The expenditures listed included “booklets” and “books” (presumably copies of the handful of short pamphlet-like books available for sale at THE New Voice website along with Cain’s new full-length book, This Is Herman Cain!, published by a division of Simon and Schuster), along with items such as “overnight”, “lodging”, “ground transportation” and “air fare.”

How to make money in tough times: run for President. [TPM]

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  • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

    Didn't Newt have to abandon the Speaker's chair in disgrace for exactly this offense?

    Actually it was long-forgotten speaker Jim Wright. but Newt would've done it if he'd thought of it. His Wikipedia page has been carefully groomed by him or his minions to make him seem noble.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Ahhh, Jim Wright. I'd almost forgotten about him. When I heard him trying to explain away that crooked deal I was struck by what a smarmy asshole he obviously was. It was my first grand disillusion moment as a Democrat.

      Now I'm used to being disappointed.

      • Rosie_Scenario

        True, but there was a man who didn't need eyebrow wigs. Heck, he could be an eyebrow donor.

    • Chichikovovich

      Don't forget the two most important features of this story: a) It was Newt who hounded Wright from office by hammering this story and bringing House ethics charges when he was a backbencher. That was the coup that got him the spotlight that led to becoming Minority Whip when Cheney became Sec. of Defence. b) While speaker, Gingrich regularly did *exactly* the same damn thing that he used to end Wright's political career. (Gingrich was eventually sanctioned by the House ethics committee, but for something different.) The shamelessness of Mr. Newton Leroy Gingrich (née McPherson) really can leave one speechless with disbelief.

      • SorosBot

        Just as he was banging an intern while impeaching Clinton for the exact same thing.

        • Chichikovovich

          Ah, yes. Of course. And then of course there's the twice-divorced pathological adulterer's constant rabbiting on about the importance of what the Santorum-smeared right calls "Traditional Marriage". With Newt, the hits just keep comin'.

      • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

        Read Newt’s wiki. It’s high-larry-us.

    • Sophist[Kochblocker]

      His Wikipedia page has been carefully groomed by him or his minions to make him seem noble.

      If Newt's staff can pull that off, they should next turn their talents to curing cancer, ending world hunger, and giving everyone a flying unicorn because clearly they are MAGICAL ELVES of some sort.

  • comrad_darkness

    The man learns quickly. I hope he sent Sarah Palin her 3% consulting fee.

  • Terry

    Has he hired a new advisor, perhaps from Wasilla, AK?

    • DahBoner

      She advised him to give away Unlimited Twisty Bread

  • Come here a minute

    I hope Cain saved a few trees and sold himself $100,000 worth of e-books.

    • comrad_darkness

      Ha ha. I like the way you think.

    • HipHop0Potamus

      But if he uses trees for printed books, then the paper companies will have to plant more trees, for more books. Herman Cain has solved environmentalism!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Paper from Koch Industries – he probably got a deal on it, in exchange for "future consideration."

        (XKCD: "A treasured and carefully guarded point in the space of four-character strings.")

    • Guppy06

      Nah, he doesn't get a cut of Kindle sales.

  • memzilla

    With his degree in Advanced Griftology, Cain personifies Palinomics.

    His next move will be to patent the OWS Pizza: the Occu Pie.

  • Pragmatist2

    Better he should buy them than anyone else.

    • DahBoner

      Who is this Herman Cain Explanation Point and when did he replace Herman Cain Question Mark???

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Heh, "Explanation Point." That sounds almost as hip-hop as T.H.E. New Voice.

        Methinks this fellow thinks he's a black man.

        • Michele_Blachmann

          Yeah, well, him, and the white folks surrounding him, are the only ones that think so. The rest of us think he's a pandering, grifting, Kochsucking Uncle Tom.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Now, let's be nice here. Perhaps those are all gifts to his campaign workers, in lieu of actual pay.

    You gotta admire that title. In fact, it inspired me – 'This is Dr. Zoidberg! My journey to the refrigerator box in the alley behind the abandoned warehouse.

    • LesBontemps

      Seeing as winter's coming, I've moved my refrigerator box inside the abandoned warehouse. Hooray for upward mobility!

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        Elitist!

        • LesBontemps

          I got mine; fuck you!

      • DahBoner

        Squatting is cool, kids!

    • Boehneriffic

      This is Boehneriffic! My journey to the shops for cheap gin and hobo beans.

      • DahBoner

        OMG!

        Another Boner….

    • Michele_Blachmann

      I hope you're kidding, Dr_Zoidberg. It's gonna be a harsh, mean winter. And even though I'm usually a mean, snarky, obnoxious fuck, I sincerely hope you have a warm, safe haven.

  • powersuit

    That's a lot of thank-you gifts to the Koch brothers!

  • OneDollarJuana

    I'm trying to work out a deal where I sell beer to myself and somehow get to pay wholesale prices and avoid paying taxes on it.

    • memzilla

      1. Incorporate.
      2. Write corporate bylaws mandating on-the-job beer consumption.
      3. ???
      4. Profit!

      • BarryOPotter

        For the first time ever, I think I've found the solution to #3 in the case of the Cain "presidential" campaign:
        1. Become CEO of shitty fast food chain
        2.Suck some Koch to get backing for "presidential" campaign
        3. Write crappy book, then launder cash by forcing "presidential" campaign to buy a redonculous number of copies.
        4. Profit!!!

      • LowProfileinGA

        Appoint me Secretary & Treasurer.

        "All in favor…."

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          "But, I … I …"
          "Thank you!"

  • SorosBot

    Considering how every single Republican vanity candidate has done this sort of thing, how is it that none of them except for the Delaware non-witch have actually been charged for their criminal campaign finance fraud?

    • Mahousu

      Christine charged her campaign for consuming pizzas, while Herman charged his for producing them. That's your difference right there.

      However, Cain is not without sympathy, and will send a few copies of his book to O'Donnell's legal defense fund. COD.

      • Supply-side grifting! Huzzah!!!1!1!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It's the GOP's new free-market corporatist morality.
      If elected, Cain will run the White House as a for-profit LLP.

  • baconzgood

    This Is Herman Cain! This is your brain on Herman Cain….Any questions?
    http://tucsoncitizen.com/arizona-hispanic-republi

    • HELisforHEL

      HAHAHAHAHA
      Thank you, I needed that.

    • Michele_Blachmann

      Does that stupid cow have the first fucking clue that when they come to round up the slant-eyes and the Brownz and all those other smelly annoying little people, she's gonna be on the first bus south to Tijuana or a FEMA camp, whichever comes first?

  • I'm a leader, not a reader

    Pretty easy to read that sheeple. Hermie is looking to blow by Moosealini and become the US Grifter-in-Chief.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Not a reader, huh? So his bilingual signage on his Mexi-Fry Fence (TM) might not do himself so well.

      • Michele_Blachmann

        He's not planning bi-lingual signage. English-ONLY!

    • Moonbat

      I'm simultaneously amused and filled with despair that an actual Presidential campaign has (unknowingly? Perhaps!) stolen a line from "The Simpsons Movie" spoken by President Schwarzenegger, in what was intended to be a satire of manly-man leadership. Jesus. Self-parody much, Herman?

      • BerkeleyBear

        Well, he already ripped off the Sims, Pokemon and the Coneheads. Why not the Simpsons?

      • HELisforHEL

        Idiocracy: closer than you think.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Blow by Mooselini …"

      Had to backtrack and re-read that one.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Maybe the outhouse needed toilet paper.

  • YasserArraFeck

    Well, the books probably have more nutritional value than his shitty pizzas….fortified with Vitamin BS

    • DaRooster

      'cuz of electrocuted Messicans?

  • G.O.P.: Grifting Opportunity Party
    ~

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Greedy Old Pricks.

  • Indiepalin

    Wait for the audiobook, narrated by Moms Mabley

  • rambone

    Pathetic!

    Knowledgeable Repubes would leverage that $100K to obtain a couple million in government backed loans (from their own bank) and then top it off with a Federal bailout when they default.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sell Cain Book futures, get Goldman Sachs to package them as AAA-rated securities and sell them to municipal retirement funds, and then bet against them. Piece of cake. (But not the kind they let the peasants eat.)

  • DahBoner

    Yes, but what does this have to do with fingerbanging???

    • Michele_Blachmann

      That's our Boner! Always with an eye out for the important stuff. OK, maybe a finger.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Grifter2: Electric Boogaloo

    • baconzgood

      Maybe that's why he needed all those copies. He ran out of cardboard to do headspins.

  • metamarcisf

    Let me be the first to congratulate Herman Cain on his performance in this evenings debate. His response, when put on the spot about his immigration policies, really struck a nerve with the American people. In other words, he really "hit it out of the park"

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Clear over the electrified razor-wire-topped outfield fence.

  • forgracie

    Never trust a man who refers to himself in the third person.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Baldar T Flagass agrees!!!

    • Schmannnity

      Bob Dole disagrees–Bob Dole

    • baconzgood

      Elmo thinks that's mean.

      • SorosBot

        Elmo should go fuck himself for ruining Sesame Street. Is that mean?

        • baconzgood

          GROVER RULZ!!!!!!!!

          • bagofmice

            Upstairs AND downstairs

      • BerkeleyBear

        Elmo should go see a speech and language therapist, according to my friends in the business, and stop modeling bad behavior in a cute and fuzzy way.

    • Michele_Blachmann

      So, that would be, like, the whole fucking Republican Party, amirite?

  • On the positive side, it is a pop-up-book and it is only $9.99.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Oh, so it's porn?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        It's the book that pops up. Sheesh.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      He's really pulling out all the stops on this 999 thing.

      • Michele_Blachmann

        Please god let this be the last available stop.

  • johnnymeatworth

    What more do you vultures want?! http://electcain.com/default.aspx has already made his gospel album available for free….

    • Michele_Blachmann

      We're vultures, dood. We want to feast on his carcass. Jeez.

    • HamsterSandwich

      I bought the tee-shirt:
      http://i.imgur.com/UB546.jpg

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Bumper Sticker: "No He Cain't"

  • SexySmurf

    Does This Is Herman Cain! really require an exclamation point? It's more like This Is Herman Cain. Meh.

    • I think it's kinda like the exclamation point after It's Pat.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Should be more like

      "This is Herman Cain?"

      • Michele_Blachmann

        Somebody spent all night sharpening his horns for maximum impact, didn't he?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Just a little touch-up with the oilstone. Not strictly necessary, but it shows that I care.

          • Michele_Blachmann

            I'd run away with you, but I know where our journey will end. {Sigh}

          • tessiee

            That's what makes it an adventure.

          • Michele_Blachmann

            Not where Biely ends up. Lots of screaming, and forking of overly tender persons. But no adventure.

  • Eve8Apples

    Bet the books taste better than his crappy pizza.

    • johnnymeatworth

      The covers are actually made out of old Godfather's Pizza crusts….

  • baconzgood

    Now listen. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe after his ghost writer wrote it he wanted to read it….and re-read it…again…and again…10,000 times.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Ummm … he just told you, he's not a reader.

    • Michele_Blachmann

      Bacon, I do believe Biely got you that time.

      Besides, I don't believe even THAT narcissist could stand to read that pile of shit more than once.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "My Journey to the White House"

    "Well, I considered taking a cab, but that's expensive and I would have had to tip the driver. So, I took the Orange Line and got off at the Farragut West Metro station. Then I jumped the turnstile so I wouldn't have to pay. Fuck public transportation!!!"

    • "It's called the 'White House' for a reason, Herb."

      — Barry O'Bama

    • mereoblivion

      And all that to deliver a stinkin' pizza!

      • Michele_Blachmann

        Which the Obamas refused to eat anyway, even if it WAS free.

  • Schmannnity

    Mediocrity abhors a vacuum.

  • SorosBot

    Now that his campaign has thousands of extra copies of his book, Caine will probably follow the lead of the various right-wing organizations that buy up other wingnut's books to artificially get them on the bestseller lists; soon we'll have the special offer, "Free shitty book with two or more large pizzas!"

    • mavenmaven

      Free shitty book with two or more large shitty pizzas- corrected

      • SorosBot

        Having never even heard of Godfather's Pizza before Cain started running for president, I cannot comment on the quality or lack thereof of their pizza.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    This Is Herman Cain! My Journey to the White House

    Ooh,ooh,ooh…. don't tell me the ending!!!

    • DahBoner

      SPOILER ALERT: Somehow, it will involve Dancing With The Stars

  • kissawookiee

    T.H.E. Grift Father.

  • LesBontemps

    He should have gone with his original title: I Don't Have The Facts To Back This Up.

    • tessiee

      No, no!
      He shoulda gone with:
      "Citizen Cain"!!

  • metamarcisf

    Can't wait for the sequel, "This is Herman Cain on Drugs: Any Questions?"

  • He's just following the Regnery Publishing business model –
    1) Collect money from the Kochs and Murdochs of the world to
    2) Print shit that you sell back to them, which they use as
    3) Swag for their tea baggers and
    4) Claim inflated sales on the NYT Best Seller list.

    • Guppy06

      Why is it always the NYT's bestseller list? Why not FrontPageMag's?

    • Michele_Blachmann

      You forgot: collect lots of SWEET MOOLAH while avoiding paying taxes.

  • DemonicRage

    This man is so ready to be the Next President. Thank you, Republicans, for selecting him. It will be just like when Clinton sold nights in the Lincoln Bedroom to high rollers in his casino of donate money to me.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Did they ever find out who you got to spend the night with? I mean, for that kind of money…

      • tessiee

        Socks.

  • north_of_moscow

    Other interesting tidbits from the book: He's a lover, not a fighter; he's a grower, not a shower; he has no actual interest in being president.

    • Chichikovovich

      He's a hoofer, not a roofer; he's a craftsman not a draftsman; he's a gyroscope not a misanthrope; he's a smiler not a rottweiler, he's a sexagenarian not a Rastafarian, he's a social psychologist not a Galois Cohomologist, he's a shameless grifter not a Cognac snifter,…

      You really can learn a lot about the guy from that book.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        He's a pitcher, not a belly itcher?

        • Chichikovovich

          He's a catcher, not a belly scratcher.

        • tessiee

          He's a pitcher, not a glass of water?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I still don't see how he avoided being a mower, not a grower.

      • MOG2410

        I think I'm in love.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Jesus H Perry, a Galois reference. Wonkette never ceases to amaze.

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        He's a picker, he's a grinner, he's a lover, he's a sinner.

        And yet no one has ever called him Maurice, because he knows absolutely NOTHING about the Pompatus of Love.

    • Michele_Blachmann

      Main take-away lesson: He is NOT interested in being President. Too much work. He wants to sell books, give speeches, and mostly, make LOTS of Munniez!

      Where did all these scoundrels and scalawags come from?

  • Arken

    THIS… IS… HERMAN CAIN doesn't have the ring to it that THIS… IS… SPARTA does.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "This is Herman Cain!"
    This puts me in mind of cheesy 1960s record albums.

    • Michele_Blachmann

      BaldarTFlagass, Y U Linky Not Work?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba
        • Michele_Blachmann

          Jeez. Now I wish I'd just shut the fuck up about it. You know I actually suffered through that man's concerts when I was growing up. I never want to think of his plummy, treacly tones, ever again.

          • MOG2410

            More fun to throw undies at the Hermanator, old, used ones.

          • Michele_Blachmann

            Excellent idea. Let me see if I can get some of mine out of the composter.

            Wut? You think he'll mind if there's earthworms in them?

          • MOG2410

            Nah, he'd put them on one of those crappy pizzas.

          • Michele_Blachmann

            Nobody loves me
            Everybody hates me
            I'm goin' out in the garden

            … ah, never mind.

        • Michele_Blachmann

          Thanks, Biely. You're a real pal. In a "I hope I'm not ending up with you forever" kinda way.

  • Schmannnity

    "I am a leader, not a reader."

    How about I'm a sphincter, not a thinker?

    I'm a teaparty hack, forget that I'm Black?

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Since his butt surgery for colon cancer, it should be "I have no sphincter, so I act like a sphincter."

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Be the sphincter, Herman. Be the sphincter.

      • Boojum_Reborn

        I'm a stinker, not a thinker.

  • JoshuaNorton

    oh my God! It's a cookbook!

    /cheesy Twilight Zone reference.

    • DahBoner

      "To Serve Mammy"?

    • Chichikovovich

      To serve mammon.

  • RadioOcupados

    Let them eat books.

    • DahBoner

      Do they need to be burned first?

    • Michele_Blachmann

      Or godfather pizza. Same thing, right? Made from wood pulp, unappetizing, non-nutritious — oh, wait, I forgot, godfather's pizza is loaded with ground pig anus grease and corn syrup.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Herman Cain — serving people greasy crap they don't need since 1945.

  • Goonemeritus

    One would think a business guy would have the common sense to hirer a lawyer to advise him about shit like this. I’m pretty sure this violates our election finance laws which is harder to do these days than it is in other comparable democracies like Somalia.

    • SayItWithWookies

      That's a slippery slope — once Herman Cain starts hiring people who know shit, eventually he'll have to hire someone who's going to tell him that his 9-9-9 tax plan is completely unworkable, that building a border fence based on the Berlin Wall would violate several international treaties as well as our basic concepts of humanity, that we can't afford to invade Canada and take their oil, and that he sings like an elk in heat.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Once you go fact, you don't go back.

      • Michele_Blachmann

        Never having actually seen an elk in heat up close and personal, I must ask: how do elk in heat sing? And how did you discover this, er, musical? cervine courtship? Inquiring minds, and all that.

      • Michele_Blachmann

        I know, I know. I always ask, and then always, predictably, gag at the answer. Please don't tell me it involves the UrbanDictionary yet again. I really don't need to hear that "elk in heat" refers to some new and hideously unpleasant form of public sex act. ("Donkey punch"? Is it like donkey punch?)

      • tessiee

        "he sings like an elk in heat"

        Too bad he's not hung like an elk in heat.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Apparently it is a pretty fine line, especially since this is a book which has an actual "value" way below what its retail price.

      You also forget that most business guys only like the lawyers to tell them what will absolutely get them in trouble, not what might, and only ask when they aren't already sure of the answer. Which in Herm's case is probably never- he just isn't sure after the fact whether he meant to do it/say it or not.

  • MozakiBlocks

    Why is this man or any of the other seven dwarfs on the GOP side considered to be a "serious" contender for the White House?

    And I use the word "serious" in the loosest possible definition…

    • Michele_Blachmann

      "Loose" is right. He gives me the runs.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wait a second. What's this I see?

    THEY THINK YOU'RE STUPID: Why Democrats lost your vote and what Republicans must do to keep it. Foreword by Zell Miller.

    Well, that explains where Hermie got his white robes.

    • Michele_Blachmann

      Thanks, El. I'm amazed that this guy *never* registered on my radar in all this time. He's like a carbuncle on the ass. By the time you find it, you're all fuckin' huMIliated and in pain and wondering where the FUCK that thing was hiding before it suddenly erupted in all its bloody glory.

  • GorzoTheMighty

    The Godfather of Grift

  • fuflans

    this is why we need deregulation.

    it's not freedom if you can't sell your own damn books to your own damn campaign.

  • LesBontemps

    I think he wanted it to be like This Is Spinal Tap, but louder.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "It goes to just over 100,000."

      • Michele_Blachmann

        You must have an eidetic memory.

    • tessiee

      There's a very fine line between stupid and clever.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Nein, nein, nein.

    • bagofmice

      Hard to argue with that.

      • mereoblivion

        Ja, ja, ja.

    • DahBoner

      "Nein, nein, nein."

      Is this the part where Brad Pitt bursts into the room and puts a bullet in Hitler's head?

  • RadioOcupados

    Better title: With My Pepperoni and Cheese, I Finally Got My Piece of The Pie."

    • Michele_Blachmann

      I don't suppose you'd consider changing your 'nym to "RadioIndignados"? 'Coz I gotta tell you, out here, anyway, "Ocupados" is what we say when we're taking a peaceful shit and someone knocks on the door.

  • Wilcoxyz

    I eagerly await the day all federal buildings will have a President's Pizza franchise and all the money (not profits, just all the money) goes in President Cain's pocket.

    Place your Executive Order now!

    • LesBontemps

      That's franchise genius, right there.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Finally, a president who delivers.

  • fuflans

    still tho, he's way cooler than santorum.

    • DashboardBuddha

      No offense…but I've had bowel movements that were cooler than Cain.

      • DaRooster

        … and just as smart?

        • DashboardBuddha

          natch…but I wouldn't want to have a conversation with either.

  • chicken_thief

    Michele and her team will figure out how to do the same thing with her book. Any. day. now.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Here's a free ticket to a Randy Travis concert. And a copy of my book!"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    He should be wearing a bow tie in that cover photo.

    • Michele_Blachmann

      Yeah, well, I got a different kinda tie in mind for him. Hand-knotted.

  • Redrighthand

    This idiots skull could accurately be described as "thin crust"…

  • Hey, George Washington only ran for president to promote his stupid book about chopping down the cherry tree….

  • "My Journey to the White House"

    Journey is going to the WH? They fucking suck!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Herman just won't stop believin'

  • HelmutNewton

    "My Journey To The White House"?!? I guess he figures he's sucked so much Koch that he doesn't even have to bother with primaries and elections anymore…

    • Michele_Blachmann

      Yeah, I thought that was pretty fucking cheeky of him, given that the WH is "ocupados."

  • OccupyFnChicken

    So when his journey to the White House stops, does his book instantly become a remainder?

    • Michele_Blachmann

      It's *already* a remainder. Although the cover price says $25 and change, you can get a copy for $14. I'm betting that, just like Palin, O'Donnell, Bachmann, and others who tried to cash in on their temporary fame, Cain's book will be available at a steep discount within the next two weeks. Look for copies in the Remainder bin for $1.00 by December.

  • yrbmegr

    Cool tag line from Simpsons. Cartoon sound bites. Computer game tax policy. The man has it all!

  • proudgrampa

    "This is proudgrampa! My Journey to the Liquor Cabinet."

  • mavenmaven

    I don't know why the repubs don't simply pass legislation legalizing prostitution, since it seems to be their major operational principle.

  • How much more black could it be?

    • tessiee

      And the answer is "none". None more black. — Nigel Tufnel

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Herman, Herman, Herman… Rachel Maddow called your game back in August!

    There`s a reason why more than a gadfly, less than a contender conservative candidacies are an important part of the way Republicans run for president. When Alan Keyes ran for president in the year 2001, one of the concrete outcomes of that was him getting a TV show on the cables, which not only paid him, of course, but also helped him maintain his influence…

    …the conservative movement that overlaps with, but is not the same thing as the Republican Party, the conservative is in constant need of conservative celebrities. They`ve created this market and they needed a product to sell to that market.

    Becoming a conservative media celebrity is really a remunerative things, speaking tours, and the publications and the books clubs, and the direct mail, and the giant TV network and smaller TV networks, and the religious TV networks — the conservative movement needs celebrities, people who whether or not they have won political offices are famous for being conservative.

    • SorosBot

      It's the good old wingnut welfare revenue stream, nice work if you can get it.

    • Steverino247

      Famous for being infamous, in other words.

  • Zombie_Reagan

    I'm shocked that there have been no calls to see Cain's birf certificate.

    Shocked, I tell you.

    • elviouslyqueer

      That's because Hermie's a real Black American, not like that "African American" Obama.

  • crybabyboehner

    Why should a natural born leader read a book written by SOMEBODY ELSE? Who cares what SOMEBODY ELSE thinks? THAT'S NOT LEADERSHIP!
    GO CAIN / BACHMAN 2012 !

    • Chichikovovich

      He's a fighter, not a writer.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    In tonight's debate, Cain will reveal how he has made millions by buying eggs in Malta at seven cents each, then selling them in Sicily at 5 cents each.

    And everyone has 9% of Americans have a share.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "My Journey to Owning the Entire Egyptian Cotton Crop."

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Chocolate-covered cotton RULEZ@!!!!

    • Nothingisamiss

      Okay, now I just read this last night.

      And I'm not even a college student.

  • DaRooster

    “I like to say I’m a leader, not a reader.”

    I like to say,"I have a bazillion dollars." but…

    • Michele_Blachmann

      I don't have any facts to back that up.

  • mavenmaven

    @One who wanders: That link provides the quote that summarizes the whole Cain campaign: "When you become a top tier candidate, a lot of nuts come out of the closet. That's basically what it is."

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    You know who else wrote a book about their struggle?

    • littlebigdaddy

      Mike Huckabee?

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Ru Paul? Mein Camp

    • mereoblivion

      Ecclesiastes?

      • Nothingisamiss

        Ok. Very, very, very good.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      St. Augustine?

      • littlebigdaddy

        Give me chastity but not yet.

        • Nothingisamiss

          An honest prayer. More than any bullshit republican family values candidate will give, even in their small black hearts.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Kirstie Alley?

    • BlueMonkeh

      Betty Ford?

    • Steverino247

      SATAN?

    • finallyhappy

      Jonah? Job?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Levi Johnson?

    • Chichikovovich

      Are you alluding to 999 Kampf?

    • Nostrildamus

      OJ?

      Wait, my mistake. That was about Nicole's struggle.

    • DashboardBuddha

      L. Ron Hubbard? (I don't know if he did or not, but he did get his crappy books on the best sellers list by a similar trick).

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Bill W?

      • Nothingisamiss

        +

    • Michele_Blachmann

      AW!!! How SWEET! Everybody waited for me to say "Hitler!"

      It WAS Hitler, right?

    • horsedreamer_1

      The Little Engine that Could?

  • Millennial Malaise

    Republicans don't let their hatred of government stop them from crowding the halls of Congress with their pasty fat asses. Same thing with books!

  • user-of-owls

    The Invisible Bookmark of the Market at work.

  • DaRooster

    "How to make money in tough times: run for President."

    He's doing waaay too much spending. Hell, Sarah didn't run… and she has a bus, a TV gig, a wardrobe… too fucking much.

  • user-of-owls

    "This Is Herman Cain!" is what he shouts when he opens his trench coat in front of an unsuspecting woman.

    • Chichikovovich

      Though it's hard to tell: he may be shouting "This is Herman's Cane!"

  • LiveToServeYa

    Thank you, Herman Cain, for making us laugh at recursive grifting, once more.

  • Papa_Uniform

    It's like Herman says, "If you aren't rich, blame yourself!". He's just showing us the way. The Rethuglican, BigBigness, fuckeveryoneover way. Say thank you.

  • Mein Kain would have been a snappier title – Hey, you know who else made everyone buy his books?

    • Chichikovovich

      The Great Helmsman?

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Muamar Kha-kha-kha-kha-kha-kha-daffy?

    • tessiee

      Chairman Mao?

  • iburl

    Robert Tilton Approves.

  • owhatever

    Instant best seller when you buy 100K bucks worth of your own book. Now all the other talking rat covens will buy a bunch for their members and Hermie can compete with the Newtster as being the smartest man on the planet.

  • OneYieldRegular

    When asked whether as President he would support abolishing the Department of Education, Mr. Cain replied, "The Department of what?"

  • El Pinche

    Cain/McCain – Co-Cain 2012!

  • El Pinche

    A true patriot who farted his way to the top.

  • Michele_Blachmann

    This should be touted as the loophole to the "9-9-9" tax plan of Herb Cain's.

    Jezus, what an asshole. Unethical grifter with his eyes on the $$.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    Cain/Palin 2012, 2016, 2020, 2024…

    Beats working for a living.

  • MattGMD

    Herman Cain: a con-artist who writes a book and serves as a court jester for the Koch brothers is still a con-artist.

    How many tired sound-bites does Cain use to fill a book?

  • Antispandex

    Newt should totally sue. This has so been done before! Oh, and I really don't see the harm in selling books to people who can't read.

  • ibwilliamsi

    If you don't have a good job and you're not rich, blame yourself! Or sell some of your crap books to your Presidential campaign. One or the other!

  • Michele_Blachmann

    Holy quacking duckshit! PLEEZ let it be, oh pleez oh pleez oh pleez oh pleez oh pleeeeeeez~!

  • Ducksworthy

    Thanks a lot Burger King for foisting this odd token black republican on the world. He is the new Sarah Palin and you are the new John McCain. What? Was uncle Rastus unavailable?

  • DahBoner

    "Does Herman Cain really have a chance?"

    Hell to the Nein, Nein, Nein Power!

  • awwalk56

    Two thing about this Kochsucker; sooner or later those scholarly evangelical patriots of the south will turn the channel from wrasslin or hilliblilly handfistin' and just happen to stumble upon kochsucker cain on their TV machines during an interview and see he's 'BLACK' and it will be all over but the shoutin' . I'm thinking this whole palin 'herb cain' thing is a set up. Classic misdirection, put the name herb cain out there and confuse the cousin handfistin' crowd just enough to think herm cain is a different guy, a white guy. The other thing; every time herm/herb/kochsucker puts his foot in his mouth and gets caught saying something stupid or outrageous he comes back with "I was joking". In a week he will have taken so much scrutiny and shit over his highjacked Simcity "bode new plan, 999, 999, 999, it bode" he will claim he was only joking.

  • ndisang67

    lessons from Newt or is it Calista?

  • Reminds me of Andrew Jackson's campaign slogan: "Adams can write, but Jackson can fight!"

    Muslins/Messicans/Other should be prepared for another Trail of Tears?

  • Ken Cuccinelli

    I think Amazon stuck the tags thing way down at the bottom from where it used to be, probably with good reason. But the faithful are still there, doing their thing: "profiles in pepperoni"

  • tessiee

    I haven't actually read Mr. Cain's book, but I suspect that it doesn't actually deserve that exclamation point.

  • ttommyunger

    The worst part of this scam is the turning of perfectly good oxygen-producing trees into such fetid tomes written by such ignorant turds.

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