Michele Bachmann’s campaign is running low on cash, which sort of explains the creepy spam letter we received from her today with a nightmarish threat in the subject line claiming that “Donald Trump and I want to call you tonight,” to jointly demand coins from listeners in exchange for some shrill phone sex. SHUDDER. We immediately hit the “Go Back to Hell” button on the keyboard and forgot about it, but, whoops, this is also apparently what Donald Trump did with his own invite to Michele Bachmann’s lame orgy, starring him. Fox News asked Trump this morning if he was excited about it, to which he said, “I didn’t even know I was doing it till you just told me.”
From The Hill:
Business mogul Donald Trump said he is honored to be hosting a town-hall-style conference call with Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann tonight, but seemed unsure that he was in fact participating until this morning.
“It’s called a modern-day town-hall meeting, right? And I said, ‘I guess I could.’ I didn’t even know I was doing it till you just told me … but that’s OK,” said Trump on “Fox and Friends” Monday.
Trump then said it was his “honor” to participate in the event.
“I think it’s fine and you’ll have lots of people calling in, and I look forward to it … it’s my honor to do it,” he added.
The host of the reality TV show “The Apprentice” will join the Minnesota congresswoman Monday night for what is being billed as national ‘tele-town-hall’ meeting, in which they will take questions from the audience. Bachmann announced the call-in town hall in an email to supporters Sunday night.
Weirdest way to ask Donald Trump on a phone date ever. [The Hill]
{ 143 comments }
A "mogul" is a large, snow covered lump. I didn't know that you could substitute shit for snow.
She substituted shit for brains so maybe you can.
Not only that, but scientists are working hard to find a way to substitute santorum for snow.
Dan Savage has fifty-seven words for that.
And a trump is a fart in British slang, at least in Lancashire.
Sure you can. How many times have you heard someone say while snorting a line of snow, "Man, that's some good shit"?
Herman Caine said that poor people could buy used food. I can only imagine he was telling people to go eat shit. The republicans have weird obsession with fecal matter.. You know who else was anal retentive and fascinated with poop?
Did she at least invite his hair?
Yes, and thanks to global warming, it's showing up — ordinarily it would be hibernating this time of year.
It's going to bring Ron Paul's eyebrow wigs as a date.
And Christine O' Donnell's merkin is the third wheel….
The pubic needs to be represented by real Merkins.
I have the stare
You have the hair
None of us care
We've madness to share
In this town hall for all the world to see
We could win a primary
Nuke some browns, then home for tea
Can't you see how happy we would be?
You have no idea how happy your comment makes me.
"in which they will take questions from the audience. "
Michele, if you hate gay marriage so much, why are you in one?
I wouldn't invite either one of them.
That's two shipments of fail, delivered.
Just what I don't need to do is listen in on phone sex between the ApprentASS and the Crazy Ass.
We immediately hit the “Go Back to Hell” button on the keyboard
I NEED ONE OF THOSE!
~
Damn, you beat me to it.
You have to buy an Apple product.
If you buy one fancy and expensive enough, Steve will give you a personal escort, and lecture you about how the next generation of things will be *so much* better.
In Windows, it's Ctrl-Alt-Del.
I looked into it, but really it's not worth the added cost. My standard "Go to Hell" button works in 99% of these situations. For that 1% of mail that comes from entities that need to return to Hell from whence they came, well I just use "Expunge."
I believe that's CONTROL+ALT+SHIFT+GTFOOH.
I still need to get a ANY key, for when Michele O' Bachman tells me to press any key…
Oh, Shelly….if only you hadn't spent all that money on that useless Randy Travis concert, perhaps you would've been able to afford this. Don't worry…one day you'll make a good candidate in Donnie's show.
It's my party and I'll invite who I want to
Invite who I want to
Invite who I want to
You'd pop pills to if it happened to you
Nobody knows if my Donald has arrived
But Marcus left the same time
Why was he crying so hard?
Wasn't Don supposed to be mine?
It's my party and I'll invite who I want to
Invite who I want to
Invite who I want to
You'd pop pills to if it happened to you
But now it's Donnie's turn to cry
Donnie's turn to cry
At some point, Marcus sings "My Boyfriend's Back" and hilarity ensues.
Me'Shell NdegeOcello–It That's Your Boyfriend, He Wasn't Last Night: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpdzEpGIqtY
Donnie and Marcus just walked through the door
Like a queen with her king
Oh, what a birthday surprise!
Donnie's holding his thing…
“More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.”
–W. C. Fields
I haz a cheery thought:
What if Sarah Palin, Miche1e, and Teh Donalde are all in the last few seconds of their hideously extended 15 minutes?
Wouldn't that be nice…
~
A 3 way to extinction?
Too good to be true.
Human Centipede 3
FTW!
I don't know… I have to admit that I am fascinated by the Snowbilly's ability to yank the chain of her fans.
I didn’t even know I was doing it till you just told me
Exactly what Marcus said to Michele on their wedding night….
Direct from Funk and Wagnalls' front porch:
Ed McMahon: Donald Trump's hair, and Michele Bachmann's electability.
Carnac: Name two things that are overblown.
Three, if you count Marcus.
Look THAT up in your Funk & Wagnalls!
Create your new GOP
Frankenstein's monsterfront-runner:1) Donald Trump's hair;
2) Michele Bachmann's eyes;
…
John Boehner's liver.
- Herman Cain's hatred of the poor and muslims;
- Newt Gingrich's mastery of women and jewlery;
- Rick Santorum's ability to converse with dead fetii;
- Ron Paul's ability to believe that "we were better off 100 years ago";
- Jon Huntsman's invisibility cloak;
- Rick Perry's awesome killstreak;
It would be nice if Ron Paul had actually lived 100 yrs. ago.
Mittens' magic underwear
Gingrinch's jewelry
Cain's pizza
Ron Paul's Eyebrows
Which ones?
all of 'em…Lizzie
…and did he match the drapes to the carpet? (well, actually I don't care)
"Hello? Kentucky Fried Chicken? How big are your breasts?"
"Is Red there?"
"Red who?"
"Red Pepper! Ain't that a hot one?"
"How big are your breasts?"
America likes pheasants with big tits. It's who we are…
Trump and Bachmann together. Perhaps this will solve the eternal riddle: do two people who don't know what they're talking about know less than one person who doesn't?
What happens when the irresistibly stupid force meets the immovably stupid object?
If two teabagger heroes yammer on the TeeVee, and nobody intelligent is listening, do they make a sound?
Huh, a town hall. I don't buy it. a.) That would suggest Bachmann is actually getting back to her paid job that her constituents elected her to do; b.) the magicharisma of Crazy Eyes & Crazy Hair wouldn't be able to work their spells as effectively in the invisible realm of phoney-chat.
Aw the mean kids in Congress won't play with Miche1e when she's there. Her eyes freak them out and she asks profoundly stupid questions in committee hearings. So she's out "campaigning" which today means auditioning for a slot on Fox
If I wanted to listen to to old farts have phone sex I would…
…actually I would probably kill myself since it sounds so disgusting.
-"oooh, stand up from your walker, can you stand for me?
-"ouch…oh yeah, baby, I'm standing"
-"now, slip off your depends"
-only if you take your teeth out"
Call me.
"If I wanted to listen to to old farts have phone sex I would…"
Eavesdrop on ttommyunger and his lady friend?
LOL
A telephone townhall? Way to grasp the 20th century.
They also have an option for people who won't be calling from a touch-tone phone.
The telegraph was all tied up on that night…
This reminds me I need to shave the back of my neck because she is always making it stand on end.
Needs moar Orly Taitz!
O RLY?
Marcus is "counselling" Mr Orly Taitz that night….
Donald, I have a question for Michele–"Is your refrigerator running?"
All of this makes me wonder what other similar political heavyweights have to say about the issues of the day. Could Ric Flair jump on the call too?
Is he the Sham-Wow guy?
I have a real good feeling about this "Town Hall" thing. Any chance the two of them could perform a duet together?
Perhaps "Imagine". or "Helter Skelter"?
"You're fired!"
Seriously, if either of them said that to the other, *that* would be worth phoning in for…
"I have a great relationship with the Bachmanns."
- Donald Trump
Oh Extem, I do so adore your black humor.
Trump will host “called by god” parties for all those candidates who were “called to run,” yet unceremoniously dumped on the side of the road. See list below:
Palin was called by god to run, but god didn’t give her any brains.
Bachmann was called by god to run, but god didn’t give her campaign any legs.
Perry was called by god to run, but god didn’t give him any miracles.
Party at Donald’s.
Brilliant! The next GOP debate should be a musical called "The Wizard Of God"! With a big giant mask of Herman Cain, who turns out to be a confused pizza vendor whose ego got puffed up and blown clear to Iowa!
Give ol' cross eyes a break. Phoning in the sexytime is the only way she's going to get it.
"Mr. Trump, what do you think of Congresswoman Bachmann's wife?"
"And Ms.Bachmann, have you stopped beating your wife?"
I didn’t even know I was doing it till you just told me.
I'm pretty sure that is not the first time someone has said that about sex with Bachmann or Trump.
She should just hook for the dough. Why, just think of all those Dartmouth undergrads eager to prematurely ejaculate in her bat cave.
Or "Call Alfred" as the kids say.
OT heard a rumor that looks like Limbaugh had an accident while in China recently? Something about a pedestrian? am i wrong? hit n run?
too soon?
May be the Shui Fong will take care of it.
She meant Donald Hump, her pet llama. (Note: llamas do not have humps, that's not why they call him that.)
Will I be able to call in with my Jitterbug?
I heard the Jitterbug is the cat's pajamas…
Donald wasn't doing anything anyway. He was just going to sit around the house, file some bankruptcies and maybe layoff some people.
He "didn't know I was doing it until you just told me."
Doesn't sound like much of an orgy to me. Lamest thing I've heard since a girl said, "Are you in"?
That, and "wake me when you're done."
Which is better than "don't wake me when you're done."
The Tele-Townhall filled with telepathic teletubbies will telemarket to your television.
Needs more Tinky Winky.
"I didn’t even know I was doing it till you just told me"
I cannot believe both Donald Trump and I said the exact same thing this morning.
Mr. Taken's not so well-endowed?
(Damn! Gonna need a bigger fist…)
God and Mammon — together again.
I think the confusion lies in that MB invited Donny's hair and not him.
At the mere suggestion of an Alexander Graham Three-way with Bachmann and Trump, I began to wonder: is it possible to gouge your ears out?
It seems legit, so here's some money.
Desperation leads people to do very desperate things. I wonder when it will dawn on her that she has NO CHANCE WHATEVER of gaining that party's nomination.
Show us your tits. No. Not yours, Donald.
Can we occupy it?
Will it blend?
No, it strips out the threads on "1"…
So KBJ, are you dialing in and liveblogging this financial fapfest? As incentive, I'll send over a case of really shitty vodka to help ease the pain.
Yes a live chat with "The Donald" will revitalize this campaign. It will make Marcus start talking in football metaphors, the money will roll in and the headaches will stop. And the magic Jesus voices screaming in her ears will tone it down to a whisper. All will be well in Michele's little world with this.
Does she have a Michy bunker under the cure the gay out of you clinic? I hope so…
KBJ, you're awesome. What's the weirdest way I can ask you on a phone date ever?
needz moar sexual repression
What a clever and effective campaign idea. Did her llama think of this all by itself?
"Did her llama think of this all by itself?"
No.
There are things you must do to the llama.
To help it "think".
Don't you know anything about South Americans?
Hi Donald, thanks for taking my call. Great show. I have a question for Michele–Do you have Prince Albert in a can?
No, but Marcus would be happy to poke Prince Albert in the can.
The Repugs really need to roll on full disclosure. DUI by Family Values stalwarts is fine, but where is the totally unabashed buttsechs? We only have two weeks left for a for realz Cocktober Surprise. Someone needs to start droppin' soap bars in the Senate gym shower room.
Ah yes, Cocktober: the leaves are turning, there's a chill in the air, soon the kiddies will be coming round dressed as ghouls. Surely, somewhere, there is a national Republican figure banging a Brazilian tranny hooker.
You're starting to sound like Scooter Libby trying to poetically tell Judith Miller to keep her trap about outing Valerie Plame, etc. in the form of the aspens turning color http://www.salon.com/2007/01/31/aspens/.
A 16-year-old illegal immigrant Brazilian tranny hooker, for freedums!
Dare we ask for "hung like a draft horse" as a final tiny little sprinkle on top of the icing on this cupcake? Please? Pretty Please???
She's hoping for the traditional post-teleconference "Trump Bump" in the polls.
Yeah, I'll just *bet* she's hoping for a "Trump Bump"; given that closet case she's married to, she probably hasn't seen a peen in *years*!
I'm so ashamed of myself for thinking that, let alone posting it.
*stands in corner*
SHUT THE FUCK UP / GO BACK TO HELL 2012!!!!!
They are putting the finishing touches on Michele's (unauthorized) campaign documentary, "When Cunts Implode".
Michele Bachmann Throws Donald Trump A Party
i think it should be "michele bachmann throws donald trump under the bus".
"Throw a party." Look it up on Urban Dictionary. Haha.
I imagine he won't be taking her for Godfather's Pizza.
"Michele Bachmann’s campaign is running low on cash"
That's because when you turn that cash upside down, there's a creepy eagle doing headstands, letting it all hang out….
You have a "Go Back to Hell" button?
I want one you fucking elitists.
Uhmmm! Please!
From Whogivesashit.com. Apparently there was a miscommunication between Trump and Bachmann. Bachmann reportedly asked Trump "will you be combing over tonight?" And Trump answered "of course" totally oblivious to Minnesota-bat-shit-crazy-speak that adds a silent b and long o to any m sound.
Scylla and Charybdis phoned in to say they got nothin'…
OT: Occupy Detroit launched about 100 demonstrators up Woodward to the suburban Oakland County GOP office to express their anger at the GOP for blocking Obama's jobs bill. Five arrests were made when a few refused to leave the office. Apparently, only one person was working in the office at the time, and he seems to be unfailingly polite. Not sure I think this is the best strategy to be honest.
Time to…Occupy Congress…with new legislators.
Little-known fact: this whole thing was Newt's idea from the start but Trump nixed it outright, bellowing, "I've got SOME standards!". This, in fact, was AFTER Calista had offered the Donald one of her World-Class Hummers in consideration for his participation…Guess Marcus' offer was more attractive.
Well I'd bang Michelle but it would be a dwarf submissive hate fuck. No judgements, I'm just saying. I love Repug chicks who want to be nasty. Does this make me a bad person?
Well probably, but I'm ok with that….
"Michele Bachmann’s campaign is running low on
cashseriousness…"Fixed.
I love how Donald Trump will whore himself out for just about anything, so long as he gets his name on a marquee. Stay klassy, The Donald.
Does a tele-townhall have something to do with tele-tubbies? Is Marcus behind this?
For the oldz, 1968: "Dump the Hump"!!
For the not-so-oldz, 2011: "Dump the Trump"!!!
Michele, you're fired!
I bet even Crazy Eyes' imaginary friends don't show up to her tea parties.
It was the first he'd heard of it because all of his good staff are still in Hawaii investigating the Obama birth claim.
I do not want to think of Ron Paul getting his kit off, at all, ever.
I am sure The Invisible Hand would be involved somehow.
Well, it certainly wouldn't be the Gold Standard.
Bruno (Sasha Baron Cohen) almost managed it, remember?
With a studded cockring.
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