kochsuckers

Herman Cain’s Illegal Immigration Platform: Fry Them All To Death

Is this what a fried Mexican looks like?There is so much insane information about Herman Cain floating around right now that we do not even know where to start! Herman Cain is pro-drunk driving, Herman Cain is just a Satanic lab experiment developed by the Koch brothers… oh fine, let’s go with the most ludicrously bloodthirsty quote, the one about Herman Cain’s plan to Deal With Immigration. Easy enough! Just zap the illegal alien fuckers to death with an electrified border wall: “It’s going to be 20 feet high. It’s going to have barbed wire on the top. It’s going to be electrified. And there’s going to be a sign on the other side saying, ‘It will kill you — Warning.’” What a nice way to decorate America’s border, with charred Mexicans hanging over the entrance! (The bodies must be left up there as a deterrent, obviously.) “Teabagger mistletoe” is what we can call it. And what if this still miraculously doesn’t keep them away?

Oh right, “bullets.”

From the NYT:

The [border wall] remarks, which came at two campaign rallies in Tennessee as part of a barnstorming bus tour across the state, drew loud cheers from crowds of several hundred people at each rally. At the second stop, in Harriman, Tenn., Mr. Cain added that he also would consider using military troops “with real guns and real bullets” on the border to stop illegal immigration.

As a bonus, the electrified fence will also kill any of the freedom-haters trying to get out. Win-win. [NYT]

Comments

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  • Captain_Quark

    So, I guess we can expect "Fried Mexican" as a new pizza topping.

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      "Chipotle Jalapeno Mexicano"

      Would you like a side of Italian Monkey Bread with that, Captain?
      ~

    • elviouslyqueer

      Holy frijoles!

    • DashboardBuddha

      -"Godfather's pizza…may I take your order?"

      -"Yes, I'd like a dirty sanchez to go"

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Topped with barbed wire? Why can't he top the wall with pepperoni and mushrooms? Those are my favorites.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Gives new meaning to frito bandido.

  • NewtsUndies

    Everyone too shocked to comment or are you all weeping into your fists and gnashing your teeth? I know I am.

    • snackypants

      I want to say something snarky, but I got nothing.

    • Terry

      I'm not surprised by Cain, but sad that he said it (and said it TWICE) all the same.

    • http://Wonkette.com ProudLibunatic

      I'm stunned.
      I never thought "kill 'em all, and let God sort it out" would be our policy.
      Oh wait…

      • Chichikovovich

        Well, it's been a successful policy. I mean, you don't see any Cathars in the U.S. do you?

      • NewtsUndies

        Not MY policy!

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Is it even necessary to ask if the warning will be in English only?

    • baconzgood

      Speak american or die!!!

    • chicken_thief

      In font large enough to read from 6 – 8 inches away. In good light.

    • Chichikovovich

      Please – Cain isn't a monster. Of course he will post bilingual signs. That say:

      DO NOT TOUCH – YOU WILL DIE!
      Bienvenido a los Estados Unidos

    • DaRooster

      It will be in Korean… yea!!

    • Terry

      Badly worded English, of course.

      • poncho_pilot

        Palin's getting a new job? she'll quit this one too. just thought i'd warn you.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Regardless of which language it is printed in, it will do a great job keeping the illiterate out.

    • SenileAgitation

      mas peligroso con carne, amigos!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'm sure the 'baggers have legislation in mind that would prohibit spending federal funds on anything not written in English.

    • Pat_Pending

      Comic Sans. Definitely Comic Sans.

    • not that Dewey

      Has llegado a la valla eléctrica mortal. Para continuar en español, marque uno.

  • x111e7thst

    Sounds like the Berlin Wall. But that can't be right because they were Commies and we have Freedumz.

    • GOPCrusher

      I think the justification will be that the Berlin Wall was built to keep people in, where the Great Wall of Cain will be built to keep people out.
      My question is, who is going to pay the electrical bill?

      • x111e7thst

        Walter Ulbricht always insisted that his wall was to keep the capitalists and their running dog lackeys out.

  • Mojopo

    Wouldn't it be cheaper to make the brown people eat Herman's pizza? That keeps everyone away.

    • Beowoof

      Well it would help with them getting medicare. Eat that crap and there is no way you will live to retire.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I say, I say son, that's a joke son, that's a, that's a joke son.

    I swear to God, this man is the textbook example of "buffoon."

    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Cainhorn Leghorn.

      "I have a final solution to the Jewish Problem….just kidding, no seriously, I was kidding!"

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Cainhorn Leghorn

        "My former firm got the food concession at Auschwitz. You should see what we got in the oven for you."

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        "Cainhorn Leghorn" is awesome.

        • Dok-cupy Everything

          It does create a conundrum for Limbaugh and other right-wingers who avoided the draft: If Cain is Foghorn Leghorn, what's a chickenhawk to do?

          • WunkRocker

            This season's" WALNUTS."

    • Chichikovovich

      Absolutely – it was a joke. And why was the audience cheering loudly rather than laughing at this "joke"? Ah,…, um,… They were *joke cheers*.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Gooper crowds cheer for death under any circumstances– lack of insurance, executions — and death for Browns made it even more attractive.

    • CapnFatback

      Sure, it's just a joke. Cain is just applying that age-old axiom of Future Massacre – Time = Comedy.

      Get it?

  • skoalrebel

    Good fences make good neighbors. [spit] He's just trying to improve relations with Mexico by electrocuting people.

  • proudgrampa

    The stupid just won't stop.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Yeppers, stupid is as stupid does.

    • DaRooster

      And there ain't no damn fence for stoopid!

      • poncho_pilot

        you counter with the opposite. you tear down the fence of the skull and perform a lobotomy. you increase the stupid till it's harmless.

    • MOG2410

      And I'm afraid it won't, at least not in my lifetime. *shaking head*

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Herm is now claiming 'he was just joking'.

    Hahaha, Herm! Yes, you are a joke.
    ~

    • chicken_thief

      What happened to "not meant to be a factual statement"?

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        #NotIntendedToBeAHumorousStatement

    • SayItWithWookies

      Nixon used to joke around like that all the time. "Hey Haldeman, we know the Democrats are going to pull out all the stops in this election. We shouldn't wait for them to get caught — let's just assassinate McGovern now and get it over with."

      Most of the time, fortunately, his advisors would just let it drop. But then every so often they'd wind up bombing Cambodia or trying to tap the DNC headquarters.

      • Jukesgrrl

        If it was Nixon, it's more likely he said, "Let's just assassinate that goddamn McGovern and get it the hell over with. Hear me, you fucker?"

  • BklynIlluminati

    When is this dummy's 15 minutes going to be up?

    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Let's ask former governor Sarah Palin, who has been muted for, what — two weeks now?

      • DashboardBuddha

        I read that too quickly…I thought your wrote "mutated".

        • WunkRocker

          Cain/Abel 2012

    • elviouslyqueer

      Judging from his performance on "Meet the Press," I'd say approximately two days ago.

      Apropos of which, I'm also of the opinion that David Gregory needs to be skullfucked until his eyeballs pop out.

      • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

        You should not speak so disrespectfully of a member of the Washington Establishment. Dancin' David Gregory's just auditioning Cain for membership; that's why there are no followup questions. The test is not, "Do you have thoughtful explanations for your policies" but rather, "Can you bloviate away any mildly aggressive question?" Cf, WE member-in-good-standing Eric Cantor on the OWS "mob."

      • proudgrampa

        God, I cannot stand David Gregory. His lack of critical thinking drives me crazy. Where is Tim Russert when when we need him???

        • Jukesgrrl

          I don't mind No-Follow-up Gregory's lack of critical thinking … but I do believe he should require at least a little of it from the people he's entertaining … um, I mean interviewing.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Soon as Romney gets the nomination, whether Goopers like him or not.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Wow. Just….wow.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    your move, Tancredo.

    • GlowneyHouse

      As Tancredo sits in an empty office, trying to figure out how to kill Mexicans TWICE.

      • WunkRocker

        Cain/Arpaio 2012

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          I think Cain is meeting with Our Pie Hole today. I wish I could make this shit up.

          • Jukesgrrl

            Yes, he's here in Arizona. All of these morans, including Romney, have paid homage to our jackboot sheriff, who would happily wear a brown shirt if that weren't so unpopular a color around these parts. In fact, Arpaio won re-election with his smallest margin ever in the last election. While his influence increases in the GOP, it's actually waning in Arizona.

          • insidebeltway

            He's hoping to get some pink panties.

    • MOG2410

      Soylent Green, why let all that protein go to waste.

    • http://protoplasm.wordpress.com/ Preacher_Griz

      Unlike what the truck stop pizza mogul proposes, Rep Tom Tancredo would build a electric border fence of such immense scale it would be visible from OuterSpace..at night time!

      And He would securitize it with Effective Mine Fields

  • OccupyFnChicken

    I don't think he was saying these things just because he was in Tennessee. I think he really thinks these thinks.

    • chicken_thief

      But it does go over really well in TN. The state that all the illegals are, of course, risking life and limb to sneak across the border to come to.

      • OccupyFnChicken

        Here's where the funny is:

        Arizona: lies against the Mexican border
        Alabama: does not

        so, "why did Alabamians get all riled up over immigration again?" More importantly, other than to keep out Mississippians and Alabamians (fuck the Crimson Tide, I always say), why would us Tennesseans care a whip about immigration policy?

        • kissawookiee

          It's because astute Alabamians know that fewer immigrants = fewer vegetables being picked before rotting into sludge = more room on the plate for pork rind-crusted fatback fingers deep-fried in lard.

          • cheetojeebus

            pork rind-crusted fatback fingers deep-fried in lard AND wrapped in a pizza then dipped in beer batter(schlitz) and deep fried again, then topped with a light sprinkle of salted rat dicks.

          • MOG2410

            Where's the bacon, it's great for wrapping pork rinds!

    • Barrelhse

      An extremely high percentage of illegal Mexicans and Hamas walk across the border and into Tennessee every day, probably over 100% by some estimates. It's no wonder that the people of TN are so fucking concerned, the motherfucking racist assholes.

    • snackypants

      He should come and say these things here in California.

  • Goonemeritus

    We need to lay off this guy and let the GOP romance bloom. In my fantasy they will walk all the way to the alter look over and exclaim who the hell are you and where is Reagan.

  • JoshuaNorton

    C'mon guys. According to his Sunday talk-a-thon, he was just trying out his new stand-up routine for open-mike night at the local Komedy Korner.

    Q: How can you tell when a Repig is telling a joke?
    A: Nothing about it is remotely funny.

    • Swampgas_Man

      eg: "The bombing begins in five minutes."

  • ttommyunger

    Can't wait for President Cain's future proposal to do away with the needle for executions. No question he will support Crucifixion, claiming if it was good enough for Jesus, its good enough for America! Snark off for a moment: I'm seriously considering sending this clown some money. I'm pretty sure his Nomination would guarantee Barry's reelection.

    • Respitetini

      The only thing that could stop President Quisling at this moment is a primary.

      Come to think of it, a primary might just get me to register Democrat.

      • Chichikovovich

        President Quisling?? Exactly what has democratically elected, democratic election facing Obama done that you would consider as comparable to dictatorially imposing an Anti-Semitic Nazi regime on unwilling countrymen as the puppet of Hitler's Germany?

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Call it Chichikovich's corollary to Godwin's Law: Compare someone to Quisling in an argument, and you lose.

          And while we're at it, here's Lascauxcaveman's Corollary: Compare someone to Marshal Philippe Pétain in an argument, and you lose.

          • Chichikovovich

            Aw, crap. I was just about to post "Exactly! And also if you compare someone to San Pellegrino". But then you changed "Vichy" to "Pétain" (nice sense of parallel structure, by the way – good use of the edit button).
            Gotta be fast in this place. Not the minor leagues.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I just like to keep things personal.

            So if you compare someone's girlfriend to Eva Braun…

          • Swampgas_Man

            Know who ELSE compared his girlfriend to Eva Braun?

          • Dashboard_Jesus

            Herman Cain?

          • horsedreamer_1

            Anthony Kiedis?

      • ttommyunger

        Go for it! Register something and vote; for somebody.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Two black guys as the major party candidates? That deafening thunder you hear is the sound of exploding racist/teabagger heads.

      • ttommyunger

        But they give such convincing lip service to this hapless clown; thereby proving they are not racist, don'tchaknow!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Heh … you said "lip service."

          • ttommyunger

            He, heh!

  • GorzoTheMighty

    "…with charred Mexicans hanging over the entrance! " I guess the border with Canada will never be the same. Dudley Do-right beware!

    • littlebigdaddy

      Diference: Canadians are (mostly) white.

      • Chichikovovich

        But a lot of 'em don't speak English. You gotta admit, it's a tough call.

      • yrbmegr

        Apparently, even black people prefer white people to brown people. Who knew?

    • Beowoof

      And we will have a black Snidely Whiplash as president if Cain is elected.

      • dr_giraud

        I'd prefer him to be more like Dick Dastardly: Cain/Muttley '12.

  • prommie

    Hey, cool, it will be like one of those mossquito zappers! Just that the fireworks, and the smell, will be even worse when one of those pesky pests gets stuck on the electrified grid! Yee-haw, the Texans will probably pull up chairs and roast marshmallows.

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      More of a mestizo zapper….or a Zappertista?

    • PubOption

      He got the idea from the fly zappers in the kitchens of his pizza stores. (In all probability right above where the illegal Mexicans were working.)

      • prommie

        Are mexicans attracted to black lights, like the flies are?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Needs a moat. You can't bring back the good ol' days without a moat. And maybe a monkey in the trees flinging poo, because that's just fun.

    • snackypants

      And water moccasins in the moat, just to make it more peligroso!

      • dr_giraud

        Why not piranha?

        • Chichikovovich

          They might eat all the sharks with frickin' laser beams.

  • SpiderCrab

    The Koch puppeteers are not masters of subtlety. Cain is Punch to Bachman's Judy.

  • prommie

    Now where do we put the punji stakes? And the trap-guns? Claymores, hell, lets go all out, claymore mines, and bouncing betties. The GOP is now the Carnage party.

    • DaRooster

      Firing Squads and Domestic Abuse already seems OK… no?

    • fartknocker

      General Electric "brings good things to light."

      With the Buy American requirements under the General Services Administration, the folks and Customs and Border Protection will be specing massive GE 3-phase transformers to provide jobs to Americans. Let's just hope the contractor doesn't employ any messicans – freedumbs, people, freedumbs.

    • poncho_pilot

      i smell an Emmy.

  • DaSandman

    Hermie also considering a high end game shooting business at the border. Of course for "game" read Messicans…

    • CapnFatback

      Messicans: La Caza Más Peligrosa.

  • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

    Let's hope that whatever Herman builds is at least as aesthetically pleasing as the current fence.

    • DashboardBuddha

      I think I see a flaw with the fence here…unless there are trained sharks beyond that last panel.

      • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

        Ha ha, the raw sewage effluent from Tijuana is deadly.

        • WunkRocker

          No that's just around Babs Streisand's place.

  • Eve8Apples

    Herman's so confident he can win this election, he decided he doesn't need Latino voters. In fact, he doesn't need sane voters of any race.

    • prommie

      Hmmm, a campaign geared towards mobilizing the insane violent maniac vote. You know, I'm worried, it just might work.

      • emmelemm

        Paging Charles Manson and John Wayne Gacy…

    • glamourdammerung

      In fact, he doesn't need sane voters of any race.

      Well, he is running as a Republican.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Oh, sure, Herman, antagonize the latino vote. You're walking on very thin crust, amigo.

    • Geminisunmars

      Nice one.

  • Moonbatting Average

    Too deficit-increasing. Cheaper just to stock the Rio Grande with electric eels.

    • littlebigdaddy

      No, friggin' sharks with lasers.

    • SorosBot

      Remember he's a Republican; they don't give a shit about the deficit.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    This guy's jokes are verbal caning.

  • GuanoFaucet

    I figured that his plan would involve promising to deport illegal immigrants in thirty minutes or less.

    • Chichikovovich

      Yep – thirty minutes or less. If we're late, you get the illegal immigrant for *free*!

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    What next? Dogs? Killer bees? Dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

    • prommie

      Release the hounds. . . .

      • SorosBot

        Release the robotic Richard Simmons.

        • prommie

          Release the crazy hairy Kraken

    • Chichikovovich

      Killer whales in the Rio Grande, and those killer whales have Micheal Vick – trained pitbulls on surfboards in their mouths, and when the dogs bark they shoot killer bees at you.

      And the killer whales have frickin' laser beams.

      • Ohforcripessake

        Awesome!

    • chicken_thief

      Drone bee mouthed hounds?!

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      Sharks with lasers attached to their heads.

      • jqheywood

        **frickin'** lasers!

        • Lascauxcaveman

          And this one to patrol the coastline, looking for those wealthier illegals, smuggling drugs in their airplanes.

      • Pat_Pending

        Ya know what's great? I opened the replies to this post, just to see how soon someone would mention 'sharks with fricken laser beams attached to their heads.' Wonkette never disappoints. And now, back to my mind-numbing, money-producing tasks…

    • LiveToServeYa

      I drank booze that made me do that, once.

    • Mojopo

      Is that what Monsanto's working on now?

    • MiniMencken

      Honey badgers, amigo, honey badgers.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    You'd think that somebody who was given a second chance (Herb's a Stage IV cancer survivor, I'm told) would be a little more appreciative of life and not such a bad person and overall giant douche.

    Just in case, let's hope Canada doesn't decide to build a fence like this…

    • Beowoof

      I could be in trouble if they do, here in Rochester I am not to far from Canada and have always thought it would be a sane place to escape to.

    • Geminisunmars

      You should have seen what he was like before.

    • Chichikovovich

      Faut construire la maudite barrière!
      (S'il vous plait. Nous sommes Canadiens. Après tout.)

  • hagajim

    Well what do you expect? This asshole was the CEO of Godfather's and apparently he thinks he's the Godfather. Put a cap in your ass.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    The electric fence will be only be deployed if the GOP's prior policy of continuing to fuck up the economy so bad that no one will want to come here fails. Don't count on it.

  • prommie

    OT, wonketteers, I went to Zuccotti Park/Liberty Square yesterday, to offer support and thanks and to gawk and maybe catch a glimpse of hippiechicks in dishabile, as it were, as they lay sleeping beneath their pretty blue tarps, and I was so impressed, truly. They were nice kids, mostly, along with the usual protest-glommers-on who show to anything that gets press. They hardly smelled at all, the place was so amazingly orderly and neat and organized and clean it was freakish, I don't think I would enjoy camping out there, too many rules, too disciplined. But the amazing thing is how few there really are, and what a small place it is, yet the world has noticed! Its fucking great.

    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Like the passage in Grapes of Wrath where the Joads arrive in California and find camps of economic refugees helping each other, sharing, working cooperatively and can hardly believe their eyes.

      • Limeylizzie

        I just love the fact that Wonketteers, such as yourself, don't denigrate reading.

        • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

          You’re so kind. Don’t do it much anymore, too distracted by gizmo-based commo toys, but have fond memories of it.

          • Limeylizzie

            It's what makes me come to the Wonkette, there was also a reference to the Wife of Bath on this thread,smart and snarky can't be beaten, I say.

          • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

            Also me. Can’t help it:  Mom was an English teacher, me an English major. Something unbearably sexy about a woman with a gap between her two front teeth: WOB, Lauren Hutton, Mandy Drury, etc. Just my kink, along w/the lit-crit funzies.

          • Limeylizzie

            I was, likewise, an English major, undergrad and post-grad, still love the reading thing.

          • prommie

            Oh yeah, well, umm, if it was a teabagger protest, it would have gone all Lord-of-The-Flies-y. See, I can be all literary and stuff. How you like me now, how you like me now. . . .

          • Limeylizzie

            You, I adore.

          • prommie

            I wandered the Village for hours, just hoping I would randomly bump into you and sense your identity immediately, "por las calles voy sin nutrirme, callado"

          • Limeylizzie

            Oh poor wee Prommie, I am in Los Angeles this week, otherwise you would have found me, I have a very high adorableness quotient in person, I am told.

          • prommie

            You see that literary stuff there? In a foreign language, too!

          • Limeylizzie

            It's awesome.

          • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

            Needs moar objective correlatives and synechdoche. Or is it metonymy — always get them mixed up, don't you?

          • LiveToServeYa

            Or alliteration FTW

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Alliteration is always awesome.

          • prommie

            I like books where things get blowed up; I like it best when they get blowed up real good!

          • Dok-cupy Everything

            "He knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and … satire. He was vicious."

          • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

            Ya got me! Who is/was it?

          • Dok-cupy Everything
          • jqheywood

            "Didn't he nail your head to the floor?"
            "Dinsdale? No…Yes. Well, I mean, he had to, din't he?. Such a gentleman…"

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            And he knew how to treat a female impersonator.

          • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

            Don't know if you missed our Wonkette-comment love-fest for Donald Barthelme the other day, but suspect you'd enjoy his writing.
            http://www.jessamyn.com/barth/ourwork.html

      • WunkRocker

        I was up there last weekend, and I concur with prommie.

    • bigdupa

      bottom line it for us- did you get any action? Any, "Why don't you come to my apartment for a shower, a good rodgering and another shower?"

      • prommie

        NOW you tell me the line I should have used, fat lot of good it will do me now, I am back in the cage, returned to my life of corporate wage-slavery, dreams of rebellion and hippiechick pot and patchouli sex safely faded away leaving me nothing but the hopeless despair, frustration, and regret that makes up my daily life.

        • MOG2410

          arghhh, I'm opening a vein in your honor.

    • http://theaccidentalenvironmentalist.blogspot.com Hurricane Ali

      "They hardly smelled at all" makes me wonder what you expected! "Bunch a smelly millenials, but they kept the place neat as a pin! All that ADHD medication and years of therapy really paid off!"

      • prommie

        That was a joke, son.

        • http://theaccidentalenvironmentalist.blogspot.com Hurricane Ali

          Yep and it was funny so I am (attempting) to reply in kind, Mr. Leghorn. It's the general nature of Wonkette to snark someone else's snark but perhaps I was a tad off-key, and not a regular so…gah, nevermind.

          Sorry, my bad.

          • prommie

            No no, my bad for not recognizing your counter-snark, please don't feel bad, I hate to harsh anyone's mellow.

          • http://theaccidentalenvironmentalist.blogspot.com Hurricane Ali

            I don't post here enough anymore *sigh*

    • LiveToServeYa

      Clean and orderly dirty hippies. What is the world coming to? Perhaps Harold Camping is right… Nah.

  • chicken_thief

    Does that dumb fuck know that they make 21 foot ladders and rubber gloves?!

    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Cain hasn't been told what to say by checked with his advisers on that topic yet.

      • Thurman Munster IV

        At the Home Depot in Cayahoga Heights?

    • Chichikovovich

      Well then they'll make the fence 22 feet high! Cain's thought this through.

    • SenileAgitation

      Don't forget "real guns with real bullets" can do the work even the tallest ladder can't!

  • baconzgood

    He can get Sarah Palin's contractor to build it.

  • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

    OT, but Wife-of-Bathish gap-toothed New Zealander Mandy Drury is non MSNBC right now. So hot.

    • prommie

      Who dat? Me likeee!

      • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

        Some CNBC money-honey they borrow once in a while to repeat inanities on MSNBC. There’s something at once feral and stupid about her that me likey too.

        • LiveToServeYa

          You'd think Fox would've snapped her up, so to speak.

          • horsedreamer_1

            Everyone should know of the longstanding hostilities between Aussies like Murdoch and New Zealanders.

            But, let's get to the nut: regardless of her employer, Drury knows, when I am down to my socks it's business time. Thus, why we call 'em business socks.

  • __kth__

    Seems like a dumb idea, fantastically expensive and easily thwarted. That's an argument that might prevail with a conservative or two, unlike merely pointing out how reprehensible it is.

    • WunkRocker

      Who is gonna pick all the pepperonis for the pizza pies if the Messicans are all fenced to the south. Will they pick the pepperonis in Messico and ship them North? Huh?

  • tcaalaw

    You know who else used electrified fences as a means to lethally deter undesirables from going where they weren't wanted?

    • littlebigdaddy

      Old McDonald the farmer?

    • GorzoTheMighty

      Israel?

    • ThundercatHo

      John Hammond (worked well for the dinosaurs until the power went out)

    • SorosBot

      Khrushchev?

    • GregComlish

      Marcia Griffiths?

    • Geminisunmars

      Colonel Klink?

    • jqheywood

      Josef Stalin?

    • Pat_Pending

      Ren and Stimpy?

      • Swampgas_Man

        *sings* "Don't whiz on the electric fence". Funny how things stay w/ you.

    • MOG2410

      My mom instead of a playpen?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The Alabama Department of Corrections?

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    "And there’s going to be a sign on the other side saying, ‘It will kill you — Warning.’”

    You know who else warned his victims before giving them an excruciating death?

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Lord Havelock Vetinari?

      • DashboardBuddha

        "Learn the words"

        • Dok-cupy Everything

          "He didn't administer a reign of terror, just the occasional light shower."

          • DashboardBuddha

            "Don't let me detain you"

          • Dok-cupy Everything

            No, really, don't let him!

    • DaRooster

      God?

    • Ohforcripessake

      Which side is the "other side"?

      • DaRooster

        I hope they remember to hang the signs before finishing the fence… otherwise they will have to trespass to do so.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Severian?

    • Pat_Pending

      Vlad the Impaler?

    • HarryButtle

      Dirty Harry?

    • tcaalaw

      Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando?

  • Barrelhse

    'Teabagger Mistletoe(s)"- I like it. It's just the thing to put us all in the right frame of mind for the joyous Christian holiday, celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ Almighty who taught us to "love one another as we love Him."
    I wish there was a Hell for all those losers.

  • DashboardBuddha

    I wish I could say that he shocked me with his statements. But, he's just pandering to the lowest common denominator with such emotionally charged statements. However, he must follow the political current of his party. I can see why he has been electrifying his base.

    • Chichikovovich

      He'll probably send sparks through the "liberal press" too. A jolt right up their spines. But then, they've always been good conductors for Republican ideas.

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      Very appropriate and timely use the of word "electrify" there, DB.

  • Indiepalin

    I'd love to hear Herman Cain's assessment of last week's South Park episode where Cartman joins the Border Patrol only to find millions of Mexicans climbing the fence to get OUT of the U.S.

  • fuflans

    i was at my parents' house yesterday and made the mistake of glancing at the wall street journal editorial page (as you many remember, in her advancing years, the wsj editorial page is the only thing my canadian socialist lawyer mother will read).

    full endorsement of cain and his 9-9-9 plan ("shockingly bold").

    wsj really has gone off the reality cliff.

    • yrbmegr

      Sim Country.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You knew it would turn into a rag the day Murdoch bought it.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        The WSJ editorial page has pretty much always been batshit. Murdoch just turned the knob all the way up to 11 is all.

    • Geminisunmars

      Sorry about your Mother.

    • Banelm

      Well, it is pretty shocking, and bold in an insane kind of way

  • SorosBot

    Should anyone be surprised that this got cheers? This is the Republican base, which has shown itself to be bloodthirsty again and again; they're fundamentalist Christians, who celebrate the idea that anyone who is not a member of their death cult will suffer torture for eternity, to them the suffering and death of anyone who is not them is something to cheer.

    • proudgrampa

      Thank you, Sor. I think you have got that analysis correct. These are the same hypocritical fuckers who are all for the death penalty but scream about being "pro-life."

      • SorosBot

        But then "pro-life" means believing women should killed by back-alley butchers (along with cervical cancer and STDs) if they have the temerity to have sex except in the manner they order, so once you realize "pro-life" actually means pro-death it makes sense.

  • CapnFatback

    “Teabagger mistletoe”

    I know what Naughty Santa is giving away this Christmas!

  • http://www.marinmaven.com marinmaven

    Sadly, when you have relatives who think that we should create a huge kill zone with our army at the border, an electrical fence is relatively tame.

    America: Lets connect that sucker to a couple of "clean" coal plants after we get Pedro to build it, and we are set to go to church.
    /cry

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    How will this stop tunneling???

    BTW, how are we going to pay for this?

    • DaRooster

      Messicans work cheap…

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        absolute win.

    • Chichikovovich

      Mutant killer badgers!

    • Chichikovovich

      And to answer the second question: This will be just like going to war – ABSOLUTELY FREE!

    • DocChaos

      Tax cuts will pay for this. What part of Republican Math don't you understand?

  • PubOption

    You need to make sure that the sparks from the fence don't interfere with TV reception. Imagine the anger if coverage of a NASCAR race gets interrupted.

    • Indiepalin

      Especially after yesterday.

  • chicken_thief

    That's the second best joke from that idiot this weekend. The best was that people will love his 999 Plan even though he now admits it will raise the taxes on the poor.

    Oh, Hermie, you so funny!!!

  • Eve8Apples

    If we build the fence with mesquite or hickory wood, we could have one amazing barbeque.

  • proudgrampa

    I've got the perfect Campaign Song for Herman:

    There’s a Mexican dead up on a power line
    He’s deader than yesterday’s communion wine
    He was trying to getting something he couldn’t afford for free
    He was just a poor man stealing electricity

    10,000 volts and now he’s gone
    He’s hanging on a cross-tire above Babylon
    Hey baby ain’t that just like you and me
    Love is like stealing electricity

    -Tom Russell

  • mavenmaven

    In Herman Cain's America, misdemeanors (which is what remaining in the country without a visa is) will be punishable by death if you are Latino.

  • DustBowlBlues

    The rules In the New World Order, aka, taking responsibility is only for Democrats and other pansies, read as follows:

    If anything I say doesn't go over well, it was meant as a joke.
    I don't know the facts on this, but I think . . .
    That wasn't meant to be a factual statement.

  • GregComlish

    Just build the dang fence of death!

  • DustBowlBlues

    But what about the anchor babies, Herman? Will you make an exception to your no abortion for any woman, no matter the circumstances, position? Will you zap the mom but not the baby? Or just require her to have an abortion if she makes it into our wonderful country.

    PS: Hopey is giving a great speech in NC. I can get pumped again and send $50 several times. Piss on American Crossroads. That'll show Karl and his asshat buddies.

    • poncho_pilot

      A: Catapults.

  • Troglodeity

    A bold departure from SimCity precedent.

    • proudgrampa

      What would SimCity Jesus do?

      • LiveToServeYa

        Reboot and sim no more.

        • proudgrampa

          I regret that I have but one upfist for you. LOL.

    • north_of_moscow

      Actually, the plan is to make the fence a sort of vertical treadmill, connected to a turbine. The poor Mexicans will keep climbing and climbing, going nowhere, all the while powering the X-boxes and microwaves that make being poor in this country so awesome.

  • DaRooster

    This, of course, includes that damn Canadian Border also right?
    Damn Frost-Backs!

  • yrbmegr

    What does he have against napalm?

    • Steverino247

      Really! I mean, it even smells like victory…

      • proudgrampa

        And I love the smell in the morning…

  • prommie

    He's really just a dumbass motherfucker, isn't he?

    • LiveToServeYa

      Only if his goal is to be elected POTUS. I believe it's more a Trumpflation of self-image and perceived talking-head worth.

    • DashboardBuddha

      He's the dumbass motherfucker by which other dumbass motherfuckers are judged. He is the gold standard of dumbass motherfucker.

  • El Pinche

    Cain…this month's #2 to Romney.

    • crybabyboehner

      WHo does Number Two work for?

  • SorosBot

    Herman Cain being the frontrunner makes perfect sense once you realize that the Republican party has basically gone off the deep-end, the inmates are now running the asylum and while the party bosses, who are mostly intelligent but evil, want to anoint Romney the teabagging base will go for the candidate who panders the most to their own worst instincts.

    This is a group who's largest (moth metaphorically and literally) mouthpiece, Rush Limbaugh, openly supported a group that kidnaps and brainwashes children to force them to be soldiers who then massacre entire villages in Africa simply because Obama decided to help fight them, and they are Christian. They've simply gone nuts since a black man entered the White House.

    • prommie

      I see that Sean Penn said to Piers Morgan, on the TeeVee, that the teabaggers are really the "Get the Nigger Out of the Whitehouse Party." You go, Spicoli.

      • Steverino247

        Send him a pizza! But not one from Godfather's, of course.

    • Geminisunmars

      Who knew lizard brains could short-circuit?

  • fletc3her

    I'd like to know what Herman Cain has against moats? With crocodiles and rabid salmon! That will keep the border safer than any dumb fence. And, bonus, we can stop using the Panama Canal.

    • prommie

      Rabid Salmon, I like that.

      • Chichikovovich

        Couldn't agree more. Salmon are especially fierce when they have hydrophobia.

      • WunkRocker

        Let's leave my ex-wife out of this. Unless there's a plan she gets 'lectrocuted coming back from Cancunt.

      • jqheywood

        Will the rabid salmon have **frickin' lasers**?

  • Chichikovovich

    "Mr. Cain added that he also would consider using military troops “with real guns and real bullets” on the border to stop illegal immigration."

    You know that someone is a cretin if the fact that he is clearly unaware of the Posse Comitatus Act is the *least idiotic* of the dozen or more idiotic things about this proposal.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      As opposed to our military troops who use fake guns and fake bullets? Those guys are so gay! Oh, wait…

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Sounds like Plan 999 From Outer Space.
    Only worse.

  • UnholyMoses

    "Teabagger mistletoe"

    Pure. Fucking. Genius.

    Oh, and will someone please tell conservatives that just having some black guy run a pointless primary campaign will NOT make black folks suddenly like them? They need to stop being bigoted assholes whose policies punish the poor and minorities.

    Just a thought …

  • bigdupa

    How will they power the fence? A) Unregulated nuclear power plant? B) Harness all sadness over having to say "President Cain C) capture the energy from all the fapping of the visible hands pondering Vice Presidents Bachman and Palin (multiple VPs endorsed by Willard "Mitt" Romney and Huntsman.)

    • Jukesgrrl

      They're going to burn all the headless bodies Jan Brewer says are strewn all over the desert.

  • Limeylizzie
    • Beowoof

      Aren't this douche bags 15 minutes up yet?

    • prommie

      Arpaio is the reason that, whenever my depression starts to lift and I see something good and beautiful in the world and I start to think that humanity is not completely hopeless, I quickly snap out of it and return to the pit of despair wherein I dwell. And oh, hey, did you see that a recent study found that depressed people are actually more able to objectively assess a situation more accurately than those damned annoying cheerful optimists, who are blind to the negatives and see life through rose-colored glasses?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Fruta extraña there Herm.

  • James Michael Curley

    I say go with the electric fence. It gives the body a nice tingly feeling and does not impart that 'natural gas' taste to your pizza.

  • jakegittes

    Harry Shearer has a hilarious parody interview between Chris Wallace and Herman Cain where Cain indicates that his tax plan is being revised. He's adding another 9 to it. The 9999 plan. "Another 9 would be fine."
    http://www.kcrw.com/etc/programs/ls

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Haha bug zap 'em! JUST JOKING!

    Wonder what Herm thinks when the Koch Blockers invite him to dine at the 21 Club?

  • Karma_Suture

    I don't comment a lot here because I'm definitely outclassed, but this just took the cake.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqySsC7ihSI

    Let's hope this douchbag never makes it past the primaries.

    • SorosBot

      I disagree; Romney has a decent chance of winning in the general election, especially if the unemployment rate is still 9% in November 2012, but the rest of the clowns running for the nomination will get clobbered if nominated. I hope the GOP nominates the most unelectable, obviously crazy idiot they can.

      • El Pinche

        Unfortunately, I think it will be Romney. The GOP cromagnon base loves to grunt and squeal in delight with the latest far right radical star candidate. But instinctively the GOP will choose on electability which is Mitt Mintcake Romney.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        GOPtards in Congress will make damn sure it's at least 9% come next November. Question is, will the voters figure it out?

  • crybabyboehner

    Here is fruit for the crows to pluck
    For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck
    For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop
    Here is a strange and bitter crop

    • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

      Jeez, you make it sound like the Right in the US is full of bigots who still, deep down, get off on violence toward the marginalized

  • Pat_Pending

    Angry self-hating negro likes North Korea and lynching. Oh and killing with cholesterol and pandering to whitey.

    Sorry, suddenly really pissed off right now.

    • proudgrampa

      "self-hating" ???

      I think he loves himself far too well.

      • Pat_Pending

        Nah, it's a cover for deep-seated self-loathing. Dubya and Clarence Thomas have the same problem.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    This is a former deputy chairman of the Kansas City Federal Reserve.

    On the bright side, the dumber Americans get, the more we'll be able to mock the intelligent people who need to pander to them. Who needs fiddles when you have an endless soundtrack of horrified chuckles?

    • proudgrampa

      "This is a former deputy chairman of the Kansas City Federal Reserve."

      We have always assumed that being a Federal Reserve governor implied some intellectual capacity. Given what we've seen from Helicopter Ben (and others), I am less and less sure of that.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    I notice that nobody clicked on the "Herman Cain is pro drunk-driving" linkie thingie. I was just surprised to find that NRA stands for National Restaurant Association. So many years, so many misunderstandings.

  • Antispandex

    This is just an attempt to show he has a stronger pimp hand than Barry.

  • Nostrildamus

    If you disagree with Herman Cain's plan, it just shows you're racist.

  • Nostrildamus

    To counter this, next week Rick Perry will come out in favor of public impalings.

  • chascates

    Look, it's going to be cheaper just to nuke Mexico and every country south of it. And Halliburton et al. could get the contracts to clean up the aftermath and find any economic riches.

    Win-win!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      We should just annex everything down to the middle of Panama, and get our moat back.

  • owhatever

    Time to support Herman with all of our little Euro Socialist Commie Occupado hearts. He is a Democratic wet dream for an opponent. Designed by the DNC on SIMPolitix.

  • SantiagoJJJr

    Herman Cain "Jokes" About Killing Immigrants!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEabDuYgZkc

  • Rotundo_

    So we are basically looking at a buffoon african american version of Reagan here: Dumb as a sack of rocks but listens to the marching orders pretty well. In this case, he doesn't seem as well scripted as Saint Ronald of Hollywood, but maybe the Kochs will buy him a better grade of handler and a shock collar for when he says something unacceptably stupid. If he starts getting jumpy making speeches I've called it.

  • lochnessmonster

    Wow, this is such a natio. FILLEd with Christian values voters…

  • glamourdammerung

    Nothing quite like conservative "jokes" about mass murder.

  • Snarkfest

    I much prefer the "Herman Cain is the Anti-Christ" movement:

    The name "Herman" is from Hari-Mann translated from the old Germanic 'Army Man' or 'Leader of the Army'.

    In Greek and Jewish translations, "Cain" refers to the Son of Satan:

    In the Greek New Testament, Cain is referred to as εκ του πονηρου.In at least one translation this is rendered "from the evil one", while others have "of the evil one." Some interpreters take this to mean that Cain was literally the son of the serpent in the Garden of Eden. In Jewish tradition, the serpent (Hebrew nahash נחש) from the Garden of Eden was father to firstborn Cain.

    So..this means Herman Cain's full name translates to "Leader of the Army of Satan". http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread765321/

  • schvitzatura

    Roll back Hart-Celler Act of 1965 and restore Johnson–Reed Act of 1924.

    Easy peasy, no ching chong Japanese-y.

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Chinky-Dinky Chinaman libel!!!!

  • rocktonsam

    will the fence zap those who want to leave the country?

  • jay

    I'm not sure the pizzaman should get involved in the frying business…

  • DeathofKoalas

    To be fair, ALL entrances to The USA should have a similar health warning…

    Welcome to America. IT WILL KILL YOU.

  • Negropolis

    Herman Cain '12: "But, some of my best friends are (________)!"

    Let's juxtapose something. The current president is at the King memorial the other day offering an eloquent speech about the perfecting of our union via the Civil Rights movement, and in the same time frame Herman Cain is down South joking about killing Mexicans. This is too easy.

    What a degenerate bunch of fucking fucks the Republican Party has become.