Worst. President. Ever.Is the War of Libya over? Who knows. How about the War In Iraq? Kind of dull these days, we guess. War against Afghanistan? Very expensive and busy, as always, but it’s mostly boring Robot Raptors laser-blasting poor families in mud huts. And then we (ha ha, “we”) have soldiers and troops and special forces and androids in another 117 countries around the world. A hundred and seventeen! Who knew we even had so many countries! But that’s the Obama Administration for you! (The Bush Administration had military forces in 75 countries. So, Obama is better, we guess, at having American military operatives destabilizing the world, constantly.) Anyway, it’s time for a war in a different kind of place. So much desert, right? Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Pakistan, Somalia, Yemen …. just one arid-ass place after another. You always need to have like two chapsticks. How about a jungle, for a change? That’s different! Great, then Uganda it is. Send the “military advisers,” haw haw.

Uganda, the Idi Amin country! Idi Amin was awesome, as a character in a terrifying documentary by the French director Barbet Schroeder. General Idi Amin Dada was a highly trained officer of the British military, of course, and eventually “went rogue” and was accused of eating all his enemies. (This is different than the practice of British officers, who preferred to eat “jam butties” or whatever, gin and tonics, and just starve whole populations to death by bombing a port or something, maybe a railroad.)

So what will we do for a war in Uganda?

President Barack Obama said Friday he’s dispatching roughly 100 U.S. troops to central Africa to help battle the Lord’s Resistance Army, which the administration accuses of a campaign of murder, rape and kidnapping children that spans two decades.

In a letter to Congress, Obama said the troops will act as advisers in efforts to hunt down rebel leader Joseph Kony but will not engage in combat except in self-defense.

Mmm hmmm. [AP]

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  • nounverb911

    And how does this effect Sarah Palin?

    • DaRooster

      She's watching… from her porch.

      • baconzgood


    • Generation[redacted]

      The Lord's Resistance Army? Only Sarah Palin could lead a group with that name!

    • MOG2410

      she supports the idea because it's the LORD's army – onward Christian Soldiers!!!

    • iburl

      Sarah Paleen Dada

    • AJWjr.

      Is this the continent of Uganda we're talking about?

    • zhubajie

      Well, Joseph Kony, like Sarah, is a Pentecostal Prophet and wants a government based on the 10 Commandments! Of course, quite a lot of atrocities happen along the way….

  • Barb

    Wow, one more war and I think we will have enough punches on our punch card to get one free.

  • nounverb911

    "will not engage in combat except in self-defense."
    Sounds like deja-vu all over again.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Uh-huh, so when someone empties an AK clip into the air, 3 klicks away, then you're COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED in razing the neighbourhood to the ground, enslaving all the dusky-hued locals in a "special detention facility" (privately run, natch), and sewing the fields with salt for 20 miles in every direction….

    • Generation[redacted]

      Is it just me or do those ocean waves look like a torpedo attack?

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      "They will greet us as liberators…"

    • Callyson

      They're coming right for us!

    • This is actually a major departure from the Dubya Doctrine which stated: "We can attack anybody anytime for any reason. Go fuck yourselves."

  • SorosBot

    It would look kind of bad for US troops to kill the rebel soldiers considering that most of them are twelve years old.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      And harder, too! (Such itty-bitty targets.)

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Q: How can you shoot women and children?

        A: Easy! You just don't lead 'em as much!

    • It would look kind of bad for US troops to kill the rebel soldiers considering that most of them are twelve years old.

      And where has this stopped us yet?

      The only lesson we learned from Vietnam is make sure you do a good job of lying to the suckers back home.

      USA! USA! USA!

  • Come here a minute

    You won't be surprised to need some self-defense when your knocking down the door of the leader of the Lord's Resistance Army.

  • Not_So_Much

    Is this Joseph Kony as badass as Idi Amin? Otherwise, it doesn't seem like a very sexxy time adventure. Eat human flesh or GTFO!

    • powersuit

      (Snark off) The guy is a freak. He probably does eat humans. He makes kids (8,9,10, whatever) kill people, rapes lots. Gets his kid soldiers hooked on drugs. You get the idea. Of course, this doesn't explain why we are going there.

      • Not_So_Much

        ick. I assume there's oil and/or uranium under the hellscape upon which they barely subsist?

        • SorosBot

          Let's see…

          "Uganda has substantial natural resources, including fertile soils, regular rainfall, and sizable mineral deposits of copper and cobalt. The country has largely untapped reserves of both crude oil and natural gas.[22]"


        • taylormattd

          Honestly, this guy is pretty much evil, and Ken is a dick for this post. They guy is a right wing, religious nut, cult leader who has been raping and slaughtering for quite a while now, and has been indicted by the International Criminal Court (those warmongers!!!). And Ken is freaking out about 100 advisors? Here is a summary:

          "Since 1988 the group has been led by Joseph Kony, a fifty-something former Catholic altar boy who apparently believes himself to be a spiritual medium and a spokesperson for God.

          If so, then it's a violent god he serves: the LRA has long been hammered by the United Nations for its reliance on child soldiers; and the actions those young troops commit include mutilation and the sexual enslavement of women.

          Kony was indicted in 2005 by the International Criminal Court on 33 charges of war crimes and crimes against humanity."

          • user-of-owls

            Quite simply: You're absolutely right. Just wanted to say that.

          • KathrynSane

            Yeah, this.

          • horsedreamer_1

            Did you transmit this quip from your Nipple Antenna?

    • zhubajie

      Worse, much worse.

  • RadioOcupados

    So, Obama is not a big fan of Kony Capitalism either.

  • chascates

    The Lord's Resistance Army sounds like something Rick Perry would be a general in.

    • CZL

      Obama is sendin soshuliss muslin troops to kill the Lord's Army?

  • BklynIlluminati

    Wait they found oil in Uganda?

    • DaRooster

      Or Rare Earth minerals…

      • SayItWithWookies

        Making the world safe for palladium since 2009.

      • Coffee. This will show up in the movies as Starbucks Wars.

        • DaRooster

          BTW… Uganda's coffee has gotten much better over the past 3-4 years.

          • Fare la Volpe

            It's all the blood and brain matter that gives it that tangy scent.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Well, that'll bring the Battlestar Galactica fanboys out to the multiplex.

    • OKthennext

      Yes. Yes, they really did. They found oil in Uganda. Honest.

    • Negropolis

      Actually and honestly, yes. They found it this year. In fact, here's an article from today:

      KAMPALA, 14 October 2011 (IRIN) – Uganda has yet to produce a single barrel of oil, but with three senior ministers accused of accepting bribes from oil companies and the government seemingly ill-prepared for imminent large-scale oil production, the phrase “resource curse” is already being bandied about.

      Prime Minister Amama Mbabazi has been accused of receiving funds to lobby for oil production rights on behalf of the Italian oil firm ENI, which eventually lost its bid for exploration rights to British firm Tullow Oil. Along with Mbabazi, Foreign Affairs Minister Sam Kutesa and Internal Affairs Minister Hilary Onek are both accused of taking bribes from Tullow Oil worth over US$23 million and $8 million respectively.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    We have soldiers in 120 countries? By my count, that means there are sixty-some-odd we haven't invaded yet.


    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Watch out, Liechtenstein! The 75ht Ranger Regiment (Airborne) will be airdropping into…wait a minute, let me Google it…Vaduz International Airport any minute now!

      • Hermes Cain line two, something about selecting his Secretary of Defense?

    • MOG2410

      Yeah, but most of them are there to support the local economy – buy drugs, hookers, provide debs with dates and protect the embassies.

  • paris biltong

    Fighting the Lord's army? That may not sit too well with the Xtians, but at least he's not (yet) bombing Iran on behalf of Saudi Arabia.

    • It's The Lord's Black Army, so the Repubicans won't mind.

  • Ron Paul just raised his fake eyebrows.

    • kissawookiee

      In other words, he just hiked his pants up.

    • HarryButtle

      Put yo eyebrows up in tha air, wave 'em 'round like ya jus' don't care…

    • I raised fake eyebrows for a while. They're a tough crop to bring in because they always look like they're saying "Really!? You're gonna harvest me. Really?"

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Lord’s Resistance Army AKA Focus on the Family.

  • Goonemeritus

    This is the kind of thing that happens when Riley is distracted with domestic concerns.

  • DaRooster

    "Muslin President Is Anti-Lord"

    Faux Noose… there ya go.

  • Wilburgton

    O, for a second I thought you said Uzbeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan…

  • Poindexter718

    Ugandans ought to especially appreciate working closely our newly out of the closet soldiers. Such a progressive country, if you know what I Idi Amin, Amin. If you know what I Idi Amin.

    • Swampgas_Man

      And Gawd bless Chucky Weiss.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Barry has a cunning plan. What could possibly go wrong?

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Worthy of a fox that's just been appointed professor of cunning at Oxford?
      Or so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel?

    • A Black Adder reference?
      If so, "Sod off, Baldrick!"

      • MaxNeanderthal

        "But my lord, We've been in your family for 200 years!"
        "So has syphilis, now get out!"

  • SexySmurf

    The full name of the group is Jack Lord’s Resistance Army. Hawaii Five-O was insanely popular in Uganda.

  • rambone

    Oh good, we're going to hunt down the Lord's Army. Idiotic statement from Bach-Palin in 3…2…1

    • Callyson

      "We are being brutalized!"

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey, remember the last time we liberated a jungly country from an unwanted insurgent militia? This must be some of that Mad Men nostalgia everyone's talking about.

    • MOG2410

      Cue the draft in 3, 2, 1………..

  • Goddammit. Why can't Barry just play Call of Duty on PS3 and call it the night?

  • baconzgood

    "Battle the Lord’s Resistance Army" I knew he was a Mooslum!!!!! Show us the long form.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Kenyans and Ugandans have never got on…..

  • When the republicans send forces to somewhere and start shooting, it's because they can…then it backfires and all goes to shit.

    When Dems send forces to somewhere and start shooting, it's because they're trying to help…then it backfires and all goes to shit.

  • I honestly don't understand why the GOP is wasting so much time and money trying to find someone to defeat Obama in 2012. I mean, Christ, he's doing damn near everything they want.

  • sezme

    A new war – and just in time for an election too! How serendipitous!

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      October surprised?

  • I hear the guns shooting tonight
    But he hears only whispers of some NSC conversation
    They're coming on a C-130 flight
    The moonlit wings ride the GPS that guides them towards conflagration
    I stopped a State Dept Wonk along the way,
    Hoping to get some long forgotten briefing or local amenities
    He turned to me as if to say, "i'd Hurry boy, the enemy's waiting there for you"

    It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
    There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
    There's some wars down in Africa
    Gonna take some time to shoot all the enemies we've ever had

    • Mrspanky

      I bow down to your brilliance!

      "They are the Lord's Army just remember….Shoot to kill, kill, kill, kill, kill….."

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Dammit. I just saw that headline at BBC, and came here to avoid freaking out about it, and fuckity fuck fuck fuck………….

    anyway, maybe our troops are just there to ground truth some GPS co-ordinates for the drones that will soon be buzzing overhead.

  • edgydrifter

    Being that Uganda is the darling social experiment incubator for Rick Warren and other freakshow evangelicals, and a place where you can legally kill a man because he seems a little too gay-ish, I wish them all the best.
    By which I mean they can all go fucking rot.

    • KathrynSane

      Yeah man, fuck those ten-year-olds forcibly taken from their families, beaten, raped, drugged, and forced to kill people. Their government did something terrible and offensive backed by religious crazies, which obviously doesn't happen in 'civilized' places like the US! (And actually the bill was never passed and never became law. So, you know, no.)

      Come on, dude.

  • coolhandnuke

    Uganda…the only country that starts with u and ends with u.
    As in, u invaded u own it.
    We fucked.

  • Aren't the Club 700 and "Lord’s Resistance Army" basically the same thing?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Completely different: one is a bunch of uneducated children with dangerous toys spreading mayhem in an impoverished third-world country — and the other is the Lord's Resistance Army.

  • bureaucrap

    + 1 for fighting a militant lunatic causing havoc and suffering throughout the region.

    – 5 for getting us bogged down in DeBeers Land for the next [X] years.

  • ThundercatHo

    Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we MIND OUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS, for a change? I'm sure this guy is horrible and needs to be taken out but isn't that what the UN forces are for, theoretically?

    • Danzig!

      Haha, UN forces conducting manhunts, ha

      In all seriousness, the bulk of peacekeeping troops in Africa are going to be from the African Union, mostly from Ethiopia in all likelihood, and will be poorly trained and equipped. If it's under the UN mandate they will be, as Barry says, restricted from engaging in any sort of armed conflict not pertaining to keeping themselves alive. UN troops are, like the Red Cross, "neutral" and their mere physical presence is supposed to prevent conflict. Go ahead and ask Roméo Dallaire how well that works.

      The UN is the EPA of international politics – saddled with enormous responsibility and given no resources or faith to uphold it. Its "peacekeeping" forces* exist entirely as an ineffectual scapegoat upon which rich Western countries can heap awful shitstorms like this, so that they don't have to take any responsibility for "human rights" themselves. The victims of these civil wars have no champions, least of all in the UN.

      * Speaking of which, where do you suppose these "peacekeeping forces" come from? As this comment section handily illustrates, Western countries suffer from acute NIMBY-ism. Hence the shunting onto miserably underqualified regional bodies and a handful of commandos charitably donated by the more socialist-leaning western European countries.

  • fuflans

    this is what leading from behind, projecting weakness and denying american exceptionalism looks like.


  • SorosBot

    On the one hand, the Lord's Resistance Army is not white; on the other, they're Christian. So are we allowed to call them terrorists or not?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Christians are never terrorists. They're "freedom martyrs."

      • MaxNeanderthal

        Or possibly just "bad catholics"….

    • Guppy06

      Secret Muslim Atheist Obama is sending troops against them, so they must be heroes.

      Besides, everyone knows there's no such thing as a Christian terrorist!

  • El Pinche

    Here let me help the pundits pick a lane:

    "Obama goes to war!! Another war!!! Obama is a warmonger!! He's worst than Hitler!"


    "What!!??? The Lords Resistance are skull raping infants and Obama is playing golf. He's weak!!!"

  • As long as our troops don't have to serve under tribal chiefs or witch doctors, it's ok with me.

    • MonsterAGoGo

      Problem is most of the Foxnoozers like to think ALL our troops serve under Wichdoctor Nosebone Obamacare Mooslin Colored Watermelon blah blah murrkuh

  • mereoblivion

    We just met a land named Uganda
    And suddenly it seems
    We've got a a brand new field
    Of dreams

    We're shootin' things up in Uganda
    Where somehow it's a shame
    These black folk are to blame
    Not we!

    Look around, you'll see bullets sprayin'–
    Hey, get down!–well, y'know, I'm jus' sayin' . . .
    We'll never get out of Uganda

  • Fare la Volpe

    I seem to recall we used to train super spy chimps to take care of things like this. Why the shift in policy?

  • BlueStateLibel

    This is good news for Lockheed-Martin.

  • KathrynSane

    Uh, am I the only person who is glad we're finally intervening in the conflicts in Uganda/the DRC? (They're so interrelated fighting one is practically fighting both.) I mean, millions of people killed, millions of women raped (usually by gangs, often with bayonets), thousands and thousands of kids abducted and enslaved… This isn't Iraq or Afghanistan or Libya, guys.

    Edit: I'm not saying I back the specifics, but I take the fact that someone actually gives a flying fuck as a positive.

    • Actually I read the specifics and if it's like the article says, that troops are "limited" in how they'll function (quote: "to provide information, advice and assistance to select partner nation forces") more so than in a combative role. I think your use of "intervening" rather than 'starting' a conflict is closer to my interpretation.. But then these 'specifics' have a way of evolving into something more aggressively involved, often enough.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Black Hawk Down, anyone?

      • Barrelhse

        I recall when we began sending "advisers" to Viet Nam.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      No, you're right KS, it may be a little too kneejerk of a reaction for us to start whining 'Oh noes, not another sending advisors'. [that's what I did]

      I sure hope it doesn't turn into a bigger disaster. I know very little little about Uganda, I hope the people we send know a hell of a lot more.

    • bureaucrap

      I'm ambivalent. Sub-Saharan Africa has been a miasma since the end of the colonial period, undoubtedly because of the magic of tin-pot dictatorships and gini coefficients nearing 1. Perhaps it's in the internal DoD/State discussion papers, but no public acknowledgement is made about addressing the underlying structural causes of the endemic instability. Which suggests an interminable and ultimately unsuccessful involvement. I'm also cynical enough to think that there is likely to be a pecuniary interest (diamonds, rare earth, oil, cacao, sorghum, whatever) at play in the country, and as always, our own arms dealers ready and willing to supply the need.

      Does it always have to be the US that intervenes? How about Switzerland? They're not doing anything this weekend.

      • KathrynSane

        Yeah, I haven't looked at the plan, but I'm pretty damn sure it's not going to be anywhere near enough to completely solve the conflict. I just can't handle the idea that this is comparable to Iraq, for instance. (Although you might be right about natural resources; the conflict in the DRC is fueled in large part by coltan, which is a rare mineral used in cell phones and laptops.)

        I'm also just pre-enraged by the thinly-veiled racism disguised as arguments against intervention I just know we're going to be hearing from every fucking media outlet there is. It drives me nuts when rich white people essentially say that the continent of Africa is a cesspool with stupid warlike people who can't get their shit together, of course while refusing to acknowledge that it was hundreds of years of imperialism and colonialism and neo-colonialism perpetrated by their ancestors (and from which they continue to benefit) that led to so much instability in the first place.

        tl;dr: kill whitey.

    • zhubajie

      I'm sure we'll make it worse.

      • HistoriCat

        We call it "sticking with your core competency."

    • io9k9s

      You left out Mountain gorilaa murder and baby gorilla bush meat production and don't get me started on Bonobos in the Congo. Uganda was beginning to claw its way up to 3rd World status with eco/conservation tourisim… ugh so sad.

    • LiveToServeYa

      Agreed. The LRA is a scourge.

  • awwalk56

    If Obama wants to sent troops somewhere maybe he should send troops into NYC, Boston and Denver and protect the OWS protesters. Just think of the money he could save on jet fuel?

    • iburl

      I assume by the word "protect" you mean obliterate with drones?

  • johnnymeatworth

    "The fucker's setting up franchises…."

    –Tyler Durden

  • MOG2410

    Occupy Wall Street – please note, we have something to add to your signs, see above article.

  • Beowoof

    You know that the military industrial complex needs to find some more shit to blow up to justify spending 700 Billion dollars per year on their toys. China, is next and they spend only 114 Billion, but then I hear the Chinese labor force works cheap.

  • prommie

    I guess he is answering Mit Romney, what with the weak-America-loving thingie and all the reporters are now Romney's spokesmen. "I'll show them, I'll send some troops to Uganda, call me "anticolonial," I'll be all up in that f'shizzle colonizing the FUCK out of Uganda, and hey, send me out some motherfucking drones, and shoot some towelhead motherfuckers, call me a weak-America-Lover, Mormon motherfucker."

  • Hold on a minute, let's find out where the The Lord's Resistance Army stands on Abortion and Intelligent Design before we start judging them.

  • SaintRond

    Nah, this one is more like lending one of the neighbors your sawed off shotgun, just to show him you're a nice guy. It's not a big deal. Relax. Really.

    Peace… God bless…

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Just be sure to make friends with the cute furry natives with the big eyes.
    They don't seem like much, but they'll mess up a stormtrooper with no hesitation!

  • GlowneyHouse

    Waiting to hear Eric Cantor say we can't go because we are broke. Where are the offsets for this endeavor?

    • That's easy. He'll cut Social Security, Medicare, EPA, pregnancy tests, NPR, teleprompters, IRS enforcement.

      (Again, I say: gasoline surtax to fund all foreign military operations. Everyone pays for war.)

  • x111e7thst

    If Obama was really cool he would be sending troops to hunt for General Butt Naked instead.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Ah yes, General Butt Naked and his army of crack smoking cannibal kids.

      Good times.

    • extreme_left

      the Tupac army! I'd laugh if it wasn't banally terrifying, still I guess no more than the Lil'George and the Goldman's reign of robot terror from the sky.

  • Wait a minute – how can Uganda be a country if it's in Africa? I thought Africa was a country.

    Uganda must be a county or something?

  • NickDanger007

    Leave my country alone! Signed, Big General President Fellow for Live Amin

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Barry Obama heard the burst of Roland's Thompson gun and bought it

  • Come here a minute

    We're just there to earn a living, and to help out the Congolese.

    • GlowneyHouse

      I knew that Son of a Bitch VanOwen was behind this…

  • Limeylizzie

    I'm OK with this one, these people are total freakish bastards. I would also be OK if he sent troops into Congress and arrested the Republican leadership, Rep Joe Barton, Rep. Joe Walsh and Rep Louis Gohmert.

    • HistoriCat

      Arresting them would be uncool. Now, giving them some uniforms and rifles and sending them to personally "support the troops" in one of those hellholes where we have forces … I could get behind that.

  • I'm in torn between "Oh for Fucks sake" and "It's about time" here. Whereas I think we are already in a million wars to many. I'm glad that something even if small something is being done about the LRA. Those fucks need some killing, though I don't think we can do much about them. I'm thinking Joseph Kony has watched Apocalypse Now one to many times.

    • HarryButtle

      Hell, I've watched Apocalypse Now too many times…but I see it more as a scathing social commentary rather than as a helpful instructional guide.

  • Millennial Malaise

    "just one arid-ass place after another. You always need to have like two chapsticks."

    And that's why we kill thousands of Muslim women and children, so that the soil can be moisturized with their infidel blood and then new WMDs grow out of the soil, giving us a reason to go back, or something.

  • Nostrildamus

    Don't worry. This war will pay for itself.

  • 'Goodbye my darling, hello Uganda' just doesn't have the same ring to it.

  • Actually, the U.S. has been engaged somewhat in trying to catch Joseph Kony (head of the LRA) for at least a decade – providing intelligence teams, selling Uganda helicopters it requested specifically to carry troops deep into the jungles where the LRA hides out, training commando teams to raid LRA camps – and international aid groups have been begging for years for U.S. troops to help out.

    The LRA mostly operates in Uganda but has been known to move back and forth across that country's borders with Congo and what is now the brand-new country of South Sudan. If anything, catching Kony and destroying the LRA would theoretically stabilize a very unstable region and bring peace to thousands of villagers who have been living in fear of this guy for twenty years (Tom's Dispatch whining about how the U.S. having troops all over the world sows global instability is actually irrelevant here since this is already one of the more unstable areas of Africa, and that's saying something.)

    But sure, let's do the usual knee-jerk "NOBAMER THE WARMONGER" shit, because nuance and making decisions on a case-by-case basis and actually reading some of the stories linked from the Google News page in order to have a more informed understanding of the situation is just so last decade. How did that decade work out for the world, anyway?

    • zhubajie

      When did any US government actually improve people's lives by invading their country, killing a shit-load of people? Never, that I can remember.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Well, there was Operation Overlord.

      • zappadoo76

        You said it for me.

      • I don't think 100 soldiers counts as an invasion.

      • user-of-owls

        Zhu, I don't want to be a dick, you're a valuable wonkitizen. But just spend 10 minutes looking into the LRA. Kony is as murderous a savage as you can point to in our murderous world. Like I said, just check things out on this one.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Depends on the time frame you want to pick, but I'm guessing the Phillipines, South Korea, Japan (at least the economy), western Europe, Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic are all kinda okay with having come under US influence at one point or another, seeing how they've benefited from it. The Kurds seem to be pretty glad we stopped Saddam in the 90s, and I hear Afghan girls are generally better off today than they were under the Taliban. A fairnumber of people in Bosnia and Kosovo are kinda glad we didn't let the ethnic cleansing continue, even if our efforts were at times half-assed.

        Now, does that mean we're batting anywhere near a thousand? Nope. But not every intervention is a misbegotten waste of time effort and energy based on cherrypicked intel and a quest for global energy domination.

    • user-of-owls

      Right, correct, exactly and well-said. This one was a pull-outta-yer-ass post and deserves your informed hammering.

      • Why, thanks, Owls. Praise from Caesar.

    • KathrynSane

      Not enough thumbs up in the world.

    • LiveToServeYa

      Yes. It's just Ken's disenchantment and anarchism speaking, again. The LRA makes Wacky-Daffy look like Santa Jesus.

  • Barrelhse

    Just a wild guess, but won't they need some defoliant on the jungles so the Drones can see? I'll bet Dupont or BP could fill the order!

  • This is the only war that Amerikkka is waging that actually makes sense. Whether it will continue to do so is up in the air. Kony and his LRA is as evil as anyone who has ever lived. The UN won't go after him because they never do anything; the African Union is helpless–the troops they have as part of the attempted peacekeeping in Darfur are supplied, maintained and flown in and out by donor nations.

    It will probably get fucked up which may be reason enough itself to stay out of the Great Lakes region of Africa but in this case the reason behind it actually work.

  • owhatever

    Attacking the Lord's Army, and attacking the Occupy protesters? Coincidence? I think not.

  • Beetagger

    "You American people have no sense of humor" Idi Amin

  • Negropolis

    For the love of god, will the government stop calling soldiers "advisors"? It's so fucking Orwellian. The only thing these advisors do is advise you how to put a bullet between someone's eyes. The African Union and the United Nations should be able to handle this. Kony is a nutcase, but he's been doing this shit for years, and I question why we're getting involved, now. And, for as crazy as he is, he's not a government and his "army" isn't large enough to destablize even the smallest countries in that region.

    BTW, if we really want to help Uganda, how about getting their nasty-ass government off the "kill the gays" wagon? How about that?

    • BTW, if we really want to help Uganda, how about getting their nasty-ass government off the "kill the gays" wagon? How about that?

      Excellent point.

  • Antispandex

    "…but will not engage in combat except in self-defense."

    Where and when did I hear this before??? Let's see, I was really young, but I think it was somewhere in South East Asia…damn, I wish I could remember.

  • Negropolis

    BTW, what happens when we chase them back into the Congo, or even worse, chase them back in Rwanda for the millionth time? Hengh? These guys are a stateless, local terror group. Here we go tilting at windmills, again. What this border region needs is development, plain and simple. Roads, sewers, police, etc…we can keep chasing these phantoms through the jungle for another decade and it won't make a difference if you can't even get to the villages they are terrorizing on decent roads.

    If Kony had the power to lay siege to Kampala, or the power to overthrow the government, I could begrudingly be down for some military action. I just don't see the use of sending military "advisers" over. This isn't a military issue. The LRA is an ultra-violent, rag-tag guerilla group. We've tried this shit in Colombia; the Mexican government has tried this shit with the cartels. It doesn't solve the underlying problem. In fact, the intractability of the whole thing actually becomes a PR win for the guerilla groups. We know this. We've known this for centuries.

    • Gritless_Canuck

      Obama screw up number………….Sorry, lost count.

      • MonsterAGoGo

        That's fair, you lost count nearly a full term in. Silly me I lost count of Dubya's fuckups quicker than that, I had this memo about Bin Laden from August 01 but in all the papers and shredded corpses and asbestos blowing around the city I lost it sometime in September.

      • lulzmonger

        Yep, dude sure screwed up with Bin Laden, unlike George "Put Food On Your Family" Bush … just like he blew it with those Somali ex-pirates … oh, & I bet Qadaffi's laughing his ass off at him now, too!

        What kind of reject goes after a good wholesome mass-murdering child-rapist? The SOCIALIST kind, THAT's who.

        WHAT A LOSER.

    • MonsterAGoGo

      See there's the problem, you want to hope it's a good thing to fight for, but it won't work out. Of course I fear Obama also thinks that it makes him look rightwing so the cool GOP kids he worships so much will like him and let him play president a few more years.

    • Negropolis

      You know, if we weren't still in Afghanistan in any operational way and we were totally out of Iraq, I might be willing to support these kind of interventions. Still, this seems like a perfect example of a place where development would go a helluva lot further than bullets. Again, the LRA is a local militia/guerilla group that melts in an out of the jungle, literally. This is a group without a physical base.

  • As soon as I saw a headline about this, I thought "Layne post denouncing Obama as warmonger and evil incarnate in 3..2..1…". Obama is sending 100 troops (there are probably more staggering around, armed, in the brothels at any given port of call), and Joseph Kony is one of the nastiest men on the planet. If there were an article describing all the atrocities committed by LRA, and stating that Obama had categorically refused to send in any troops whatsoever, people would probably get just as mad.

  • sundaytrucker

    wow we sent military advisors into a country next to congo? on the same day the iphone (which contains coltan, which is primarily found in the congo) comes out? how serendipitous.

  • user-of-owls

    Oh fuck, I have to take off the giggle-hat and worse, spout off like some sort of expert on the topic. But I will. And I am.

    This is what I do. I've worked on groups like the LRA for close to 30 years now and thus feel I can speak with a bit of authority. So from my lofty egotistic perch, let me just pass on a purely professional observation: Kony is a fucking animal.

    Of the hundreds (yes, hundreds) of groups like this I've studied, the LRA ranks among the worst of the worst. They make Sendero Luminoso, the NPA and the CPN(M) look like pikers. No, they're not the Khmer Rouge, but they are just one rung down. Here, take a peek at some of their handiwork. Did I mention not to peek before eating? Oops.

    The US has done a lot of stupid, amoral and even evil things abroad. This is not one of them.

    You've done a lot of great, important and even courageous posts, Ken. This is not one of them.

    • BerkeleyBear

      TPM even did a "slideshow" on them and didn't really emphasize how nasty these guys are. We've sent contingents of troops for similar purposes to Africa before as I recall (mainly to do communications support for the AUC, not as classic advisor/trainers (ie Special Forces cadres in Vietnam/Laos/Cambodia)) without incident. We had a far greater number of troops in Bosnia for a decade for similar reasons (and to serve as human buffer material) without anyone raising this kind of stink. We have troops doing the same sorts of things right now in the Phillipines to deal with Islamist insurgents, and have done so for years. So why is everyone tripping on this one?

    • KathrynSane

      A+ comment.

  • extreme_left

    Isn't there a United Nations for this kind of thing?

  • Beanball

    It's at moments like these that I actually miss Neilist, but as he's not around I'm going to pick up his banner and put some words into his mouth: "Once in awhile you really really need to put the bad guys down so that they don't get back up."

    The Lord's Resistance Army is a case in point. Uganda has been though some rough periods recently and the LRA isn't helping, regardless of who's in charge of their country. MAG-SOG actually has as one of its core missions leading incompetent locals to sucessful accomplishment of short-range goals; sometimes they actually need to hear, "not the forehead, shithead, a bullet behind the earlobe is the way to go," but first they have to find the fuckers, and when it comes to tracking down and locating your enemies – which I'm sure is the actual goal here – MAG-SOC takes a backseat to nobody.

    As User-of-owls accurately points out, the LRA are evil beyond belief and personally, I wish our advisors good hunting.

    I also take this opportunity to remind all that this doesn't negate the fact that Obama is still morally weak. Also & 2.

    • user-of-owls

      Thanks for fleshing things out. Without context, commentary means nothing.

  • proudgrampa


    I cannot believe this. Look, the LRA is nasty, I get it. But so was, we said at the time, Saddam Hussein. All this shit is going to end badly. We cannot be the policeman to the world. That is supposed to be the UN's job (or give it to the Robot Policemen from The Day the Earth Stood Still [klaatu barada nikto]).

    Today's advisors become tomorrow's body bags.

    The United States needs to take care of itself before it tries to solve all the other problems in the world.


  • misanthrope

    Holy jebus it would be cheaper to burn piles of money on the fucking White House Lawn every night then continue to do this. Maybe when our country's infrastructure crumbles to shit we can live in the newly created exurbs of Kampala. Krispy Kreme is opening a new location in The Shops at Kampala Town Centre next to Applebee's.

  • ChrisM2011

    Like Lion King! Cooooool.

  • sausnetz

    This may be the only time I've disagreed with Ken. We aren't starting a war in Uganda, it's been going on for 20+ years. I lived in northern Uganda for a few years working with internally displaced people (IDPs). They live in fear, they can't return to their homes, Kony and his troops rape and kill non-stop. It's believed that Kony is supported by northern Sudan to destabilize the region (including South Sudan). I'll stop here…

  • Lazy Media

    Yep, that damn Obama. How dare he notice that there are horrible wars ongoing, and send U.S. professional soldiers whose job is to fight wars to help stop them. He's such a warmonger, that guy. (P.S., warmonger does not mean someone who uses force to try to end wars that are already underway, but unnoticed/misunderstood by smug pricks).

  • Obama is probably about as close to Warren Ellis' The Authority as we can get in the White House, and I mean that in the best way possible.

  • io9k9s

    Can i volunteer for this mission? The LRA murders Gorillas (the ones in the mist) and kidnaps the baby gorillas for bush meat while they hide like fucking cowards. Assasinate the LRA. Do it for the children, do it for koko.

  • poorgradstudent

    Why is anybody giving a fuck about what happens to the country that wanted to put gays to death, anyway?

  • lulzmonger

    Pardon me if the idea of going after a kiddy-raping mass-murdering psycho with 100 Special Forces grunts fails to pin my GRAR-o-meter.

    Lots of things domestically to rag on Obama for – you do so with his geopolitics at your own risk.

    Yes, Iraq & Afghanistan are indeed ugly circuses of fail … I don't recall: which one did Obama start again, or was it both?

    In matters of foreign policy, Amerika is wearing its big-girl panties like never before in my living memory. Ambassadorial relief since 2008 at no longer having to keep their Berlitz Conversational Dipshit handbooks nearby 24/7 must be epic. Just imagine how wonderfully a microcephalic Dunning-Kruger-U grad like Dubya would have strategerized the Arab Spring uprisings (much like I bet quite a few foreign heads of state already have).

    Whacking a terrorist icon = zero US casualties. Knocking out a dictator = zero US casualties. Zapping Somali pirates in mid-kidnapping = zero US casualties.


  • Given Ugandan politics recently, some of the hosts will freak the hell out if any of the advisors is gay.

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