bring back forced marriages!

Rick Santorum Warns America About Dangerous Single Mom Voters

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Picture shortly to be replaced by a screen grab from video of Rick Santorum's dropout speech.Pea-brained dingus Rick Santorum’s fading vanity campaign may only be garnering him support from a statistically zero quantity of voters, but he is still the most likely to be voted “president of being a human-shaped dildo,” in our hearts! Santorum has identified the shadowy cabal of struggling single moms as America’s True Enemies of Freedom, because they tend to vote Democratic, i.e. “for the free government monies.” So greedy of them! So according to Rick’s plan, what America should be doing, to solve poverty and thereby eliminating the entire left wing as a bonus (only poors vote Democrat, see), is forcing these ladies to get a man, to straighten them out. Easy as that!

From an interview transcribed by Right Wing Watch:

Santorum: Look at the political base of the Democratic Party: it is single mothers who run a household. Why? Because it’s so tough economically that they look to the government for help and therefore they’re going to vote. So if you want to reduce the Democratic advantage, what you want to do is build two parent families, you eliminate that desire for government.

PolitiFact, meanwhile, tells Santorum to get a life:

“There hasn’t been a rise in single-parent families during this time that child poverty has increased, whereas the job market you can see directly. The parents are losing their jobs, whether there are two parents or one,” [Urban Institute senior researcher Austin Nichols] said.

“All the recent changes in child poverty and more broadly in all poverty have been due to changes in the job market.”

Yeah yeah, whatever. Everyone is missing the point here, which is that Rick Santorum is the straightest married straight person ever to be straight, so everybody just be super straight married like Rick Santorum. That was the only point. He’s straight. [Right Wing Watch/ PolitiFact]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Ah, that photo. It warms my cold, black, shriveled heart.

    • KobayashiMaru

      Don't it, though?

      Hey, has there been a blingee contest with that picture?

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Eh, that would be like putting a slice of delicious pizza on a hot fudge sundae… Too much of a good thing.

        • emmelemm

          The photo Blings itself.

          • Geminisunmars

            There is no way to gild Santorum.

    • PalinzADummy

      Perhaps if we set them all on fire, it would *warm*?

  • WVUer21

    Sad Rick Santorum is sad.

    • PalinzADummy

      Not sad enough.

  • DrunkIrishman

    You know who had a single mother? HITLER.

    Oh wait…

    • HarryButtle

      Dude, you're not supposed to give us the answer! It takes all the fun out of the game.

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        Alex Trebec? I mean, What is Alex Trebec?

      • DrunkIrishman

        I AM NEW TO THIS

    • littlebigdaddy

      Barry O!

      • Generation[redacted]

        He already said Hitler.

    • flamingpdog

      Saddam Hussein was the single mother of all single battles.

      • GOPCrusher

        HUZZAH!

    • Douché

      Clinton.

  • hollywooddood

    Damn right! Everybody knows single mothers bankrupted the economy.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Everybody knows that single mothers should be sent to Magdalene houses and their children adopted by decent people.

      • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

        Or Florence Crittenden. Those were the good old days. "Laura's going to live with her aunt in Topeka for a while."

        • YasserArraFeck

          Uh-oh – not Topeka. Knocked up whore's gonna get her ass whupped there

        • James Michael Curley

          She's visiting her cousin in Pittsburgh.

      • PalinzADummy

        Everybody except those horrible, horrible single mothers, of course. The whores.

    • BlueStateLibel

      It was all that coupon derivatives trading they did!

      • GOPCrusher

        S & H Green stamps! FTW!

    • Terry

      Single mothers in Congress who deregulated banking, then single mothers on Wall Street and various investment firms and shady real estate ventures.

  • Generation[redacted]

    OSM – Occupy Single Mothers! It's time we fought back, sheeple!!1!!111

    • HistoriCat

      I had a chance to occupy a single mother once … why did I pass that up??

  • KobayashiMaru

    I betcha those Santorum kids wish they had a single mom.

    • PuckStopsHere

      TBCWL. The Big Cat Walks Late. To Win the week.

    • veritass

      WELP. This one is over.

    • Limeylizzie

      Win for the ages.

    • Doktor Zoom

      EPIC WEEN

      • PalinzADummy

        You leave my bits outa this.

    • user-of-owls

      From outta nowhere. How'd you get your hands on "Wonderboy"?

  • Negropolis

    Truly, Jennifer Aniston is a bigger security threat to America than Al Queda, the Taliban, and the Iraqi insurgency combined.

    • finallyhappy

      She isn't a mom- yet

    • Jukesgrrl

      Jennifer Anniston? What about the Octomom?? She must be a Super-Dem. Maybe those are Weiner's kids. He tweeted her his sperm.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Those single mothers don't need government; they need to get laid. By a real Republican man.

    But how can you tell if a man is a Republican?

    • emmelemm

      Because his dick doesn't get hard in the presence of a naked lady?

      • PalinzADummy

        But when a nekky boy walks by, oh, yes, the bell on his boybits goes dingle dangle dingle.

    • HarryButtle

      By his wide stance.

    • Negropolis

      By how much lipstick he puts on prior to sex? By the fact that he only likes to PIITB?

    • Callyson

      The former Mrs Joe Walsh is on the phone and wishes to take issue with that remark…

    • littlebigdaddy

      With a crowbar? Oh, wrong joke.

      • PalinzADummy

        No, no, I like where this is going.

    • HelmutNewton

      By seeing how unhappy his long-suffering wife is.

    • unclejeems

      . . . if he's an obese white male driving a full-sized pickup truck with a gun rack, a dog in the passenger's seat, and one of those little decals that has a kid pissing on a rival brand name of truck. Doesn't matter which one.

      And of course the dick. Like that other bumper-sticker says, "Nice truck–sorry about your penis."

    • Swampgas_Man

      Just ask his rent-boy.

    • Terry

      "But how can you tell if a man is a Republican?"

      If he's tapping his toes in the men's room at Union Station, then pontificating in Congress about the evils of homosexuality?

      If he's preaching hard core morality from a pulpit then doing meth with teenage male prostitutes?

      If he's married, but pays a hooker to let him crap in a diaper?

      If he leveraged his family name and money to a career that he would have been utterly incapable of earning on his own?

      If his political philosophy can be boiled down to "I got mine, screw you".

  • PuckStopsHere

    Well, he has eliminated my desire for Rick Santorum.

    • Nostrildamus

      Elimination and santorum go hand in hand.

    • Negropolis

      It's kind of hard to eliminate something you never had to begin with, no?

  • chascates

    Single moms to GITMO!!!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      On Ryanair aeroplanes with no bathrooms.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Most of 'em are already in a Gitmo of their own making. Instead of being waterboarded, they're drowning in debt.

  • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

    I just can't resist this:

    Brave face of manful resolve on the failed candidate, weary resignation in the dutiful spouse, oldest daughter thinking, "No White House wedding for me, goddammit," son envisioning his Columbine-style rampage, and youngest with doll in matching dress just telling it all in one face: "Why, Jeebus? WHY?"

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      "Why, Jeebus? WHY?"

      Because, contrary to popular belief, Jeebus has a perverse sense of irony.

      • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

        E.g. this knee-slapper in Matthew 25:40:

        Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.

        And at midnight there was a cry made, "Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him."

        Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, "Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out."

        But the wise answered, saying, "Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves." And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.

        Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, "Lord, Lord, open to us."

        But he answered and said, "Verily I say unto you, I know you not." Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Which obviously means doG wants us to get rid of them filthy hippie compact fluorescent bulbs.

          • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

            G-d ordains LEDs, which produce a slightly less creepy-looking pallor.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          The moral: always bring your own lube to the orgy. Right?

          • PalinzADummy

            Sounds right.

        • tessiee

          ??
          I guess you had to be there.

          • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

            He killed.But “seriously,” I was looking for the part of Matthew where Jeebus says something like, “Whatever you do to the least of these, you do to me,” which I think is s beautiful parable that expresses the (maybe only) good part of Xtianity. Stumbled across this ten virgins stuff and thought I’d wandered off into the Koran. So the kingdom of heaven is like ten virgins? Awesome, if you like that sort of thing.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            But only five of them are oiled. For the variety, I suppose.

  • Pragmatist2

    I think that we all need to think long and hard about whether there isn't something worse the word "santorum" can be made to stand for than "The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
    That somehow just doesn't seem vile enough.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Okay, I'll bite:

      The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the product of anal sex in Rick Santorum's anus.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      More vile? Well how about this earlier post?

      Limbaugh n. a painful carbuncle on the buttocks of the body politic usually with one or more openings draining pus onto the skin. It is usually caused by oral infection, most commonly by radio transmission to the brains of the intellectually-challenged.

      • yyyaz

        Shorter def.: bloviating pus sac

    • tessiee

      Um…
      *thinks*
      Santorum with lumps in it?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        gak.

  • DahBoner

    "Look at the political base of the Democratic Party: it is single mothers who run a household."

    Really?

    I thought it was n**gers on welfare and illegal messicans stealing our social security money???

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Right. Aren't single mothers the ones who didn't get an abortion?

      • DahBoner

        And they got some dick at least once, so they can't be that ugly…

        • yyyaz

          Um, no offense DB, but the term "double bagger" didn't invent itself.

    • Generation[redacted]

      I thought it was only dead voters registered by ACORN.

      • flamingpdog

        I wish we could post pics on teh Wonkette about now. Today I found and took a picture of a sign that said ACORN PETROLEUM CO. And you thought ACORN had been driven out of business, but it looks like they just went over to the other side!

        • Generation[redacted]

          Those bastards. It's not just dead people, now they're registering fossilized plant material too!

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Rick will never work for Fox. He can't stay on message.

      • PalinzADummy

        All that santorum makes it difficult for him not to slip and slide.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      True story… I'm on the board of my shooting club. At the meeting last night we spent 45 minutes debating how we should make our donation to the local food bank (most of the people on the board are retired and have no opportunity to argue/make others miserable other than their wives who stopped listening some time in the Ford administration). One of the members related an anecdote about the local food dropoff (basically a box in a general store). He said that people would drop stuff off, and the next day, Cadillacs and Lincoln Town Cars would pull up and grab the good stuff.

      Sure as shit, he was playing the "welfare queens in Cadillacs" card. Granted, there are no coloreds where he lives, but I was stunned to actually witness this sentiment in the wild.

      • flamingpdog

        Sure that wasn't rich people in Cadillacs and Lincoln Town Cars grabbing the good stuff? More than one way to stay rich.

      • Fare la Volpe

        What he failed to mention was that those "Cadillacs" were thirty years and 200,000 miles old before they were even bought.

        • schvitzatura

          Even the ones that have had "improvements" made: donk-erized/scraper-ized Cadillac Sedan de Moulignon wit lambos, twankie deuces, and paint job grape jelly, boieeeee?

          • tessiee

            Diamond in the back, sun-roof top?

      • Negropolis

        Well, that's what you get for being a member of a shooting club, quite frankly. They aren't exactly known for being bastions of tolerance and diversity.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          I've always thought the gun clubs and NRA-affiliated institutions need a massive infusion of coloreds and spanish, for the lulz and to compromise Buckra's race-war defensive schemes.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Hey, I love to shoot, and most people are generally normal, or at least keep their batshit opinions to themselves.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Don't forget teh Gai.

  • Callyson

    My mom was a single mom, and she voted Democratic. No, not because she wanted a handout: she simply saw firsthand that it's tough economically for *lots* of people, and she gave a damn about others.
    So to quote Baconzgood:
    FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK!

  • SayItWithWookies

    That's right, Rick — people vote for the government that's going to give them the most goodies. It certainly has nothing to do with having the government that'll protect the environment, not give huge breaks to corporations and not drag us into war and mire us in poverty as a nation.

    Also, way to call all the working single moms in the country shiftless and self-centered. You can always whine about how you tell it like it is too much to get votes. Asshole.

    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Santorum lives so deep inside his own asshole that he has no idea how hurtful a statement like that one is. It's funny when that solipsism leads him to oppose all the man-on-dog sex he imagines must be happening, or when you see the hurt look in his eyes at the debates when one of the other candidates slips a knife between his ribs. Now he seems purely malicious.

      I hate to say it, but I just do not care for Mr Santorum anymore.

      • PalinzADummy

        His sheer meanness amazes me. Of all people to beat up on, he picks struggling single mothers — MOTHERS!!! Just like JESUS' FUCKING MOTHER!!

        Christ almighty, what a sad and sorry piece of shit you have to be to go after women who chose to keep their babies and are struggling to keep them alive.

    • PalinzADummy

      Way to beat up on the weakest and most vulnerable members of society. Mothers with young children and no helpmeet/partner.

      What a fucking slimy piece of fucking SHIT … but I repeat myself.

    • tessiee

      "You can always whine about how you tell it like it is too much to get votes."

      "They can't handle me, Man, because I'M TOO REAL!!"

  • GOPCrusher

    HEARTBREAK RIDGE! OOHRAH!

  • lochnessmonster

    He is just so dense he has no idea he is wasting his money and our time with his campaign…You'd think his wife would try to save the family the embarrassment.

    • Chichikovovich

      Oh, I'm sure it isn't *his* money that he's wasting. But I'm OK with that. Because he's spending money given by people fanatical enough to look at Rick Santorum and think "I want that guy for president so much that I'll give him money". Money in such peoples' hands is a dangerous thing. If the money wasn't going to Santorum it would be going to Operation Rescue or some equally horrifying cause. Santorum's campaign is probably the least amount of damage that money could do. And just think of all the jobs created for snarkeurs.

      • GOPCrusher

        Agreed. Anyone that is giving money to the Santorum campaign was never using it for a useful purpose in the first place.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      If his wife knew the meaning of "embarrassment" she would never have married Rick and spawned all those Santori.

  • GOPCrusher

    It's amazing how many people there are that get kicked in the nuts economically on a regular basis, that choose to vote Democratic.
    Wonder why that is?

    • http://Wonkette.com ProudLibunatic

      It's also amazing so many that get kicked in the nuts economically vote Republican.
      Idiots!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Your move, Bill Bennett.

    • emmelemm

      Your move, Candice Bergen.

    • DashboardBuddha

      He's on the hopper…does that count?

  • Indiepalin

    Let's have a heart here. Fecal Boy hasn't worked in five years. He has a large family, including a batshit daughter that scares the devil out of anyone crazy enough to approach her. She is going to require significant long term care expenses, at least until she is old enough to snare a man. All Fecal Boy wants is a high level cabinet job or, failing that, a slot on Fox as Greta's manservant.

    • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Santorum = Hecubus?

  • EdFlintstone

    I thought the reason there are so many single moms is because they dated Rick Santorum.

    • PalinzADummy

      Oh, Christ, no. No woman who dated him would want to fuck him without an ironclad contract specifying LOTS of money; and any woman who did wouldn't want to keep a resulting baby, which is probably why he's so anti-choice.

  • x111e7thst

    Single women need a man. And a fetus-inna-jar.

  • http://wonkette.com ChurchofRealism

    What about the dead fetus in a jar vote?

  • RadioOcupados

    This, Santorum for the single moms, and his 0-0-0 plan should should get him by all the assholes.

    • Nostrildamus

      Zeroes and Rick Santorum. There must be a joke in there somewhere …

    • flamingpdog

      Rick, is that your IQ or the number of sentient parents you had?

  • FritzBrogan

    You see … all women have an innate "desire for government" and if they were "governed" daily by christly husband-violence, they wouldnt desire the authority of their pretend boyfreind Obama so much. Simple. All-american dudes like you and me are self-reliant heroes who want nothing more than to provide. We can't help it if being emotionally and physically dominant is part of that responsibility. You stay home with the kids tonight hon .. , ill be down at the bar with the boys drawing up regime change plans for the developing world, they desire my government to you know…

  • FuzzyPlushroom

    A missed opportunity to shout about them quares? Santorum's slippery. Err, slipping. I meant that he's slipping.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Oh, brilliant. The linked webpage states:

    "Correction: An earlier version of this post transcribed Santorum's remarks as
    'if you want to reduce the Democratic appendage.' ”
    <a href="http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/santorum-curtail-single-motherhood-reduce-democratic-appendage

    ” target=”_blank”>http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/santorum-curtail-single-motherhood-reduce-democratic-appendage
    Vagina-wielding usurpers notwithstanding, I think Rick's evading the thrust of the actual issue that's vexing him.

    • GOPCrusher

      What is Rick's wide stance on the Democratic appendage?

  • ThundercatHo

    Maybe if deadbeat dads like, Rep. Joe Walsh, paid their child support then some single mothers wouldn't need to rely on the government. Asshole. Oh, if there were a dildo shaped like Rick Santorum, I wouldn't want it anywhere near my ladyparts.

    • Barrelhse

      I would hope that there is no dildo shaped like Rick Santorum, but at the same time I can't help but notice that Rick Santorum is shaped like a dildo. Paradox?

    • tessiee

      "if there were a dildo shaped like Rick Santorum, I wouldn't want it anywhere near my ladyparts."

      Rick Santorum is already a dildo shaped like Rick Santorum.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Bristol, you should vote for Obama, honey.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Rick's talking about SMILFs.

    • Not_So_Much

      Right? I'm ok if they lose their desire for government. But not the, you know, other kind.

      As Richie Cunningham once said, 'hot to trot'.

    • DashboardBuddha

      or SMILFBITK

      Single Mothers I Would Like to Force Back Into The Kitchen

    • Tundra Grifter

      All of them, Katie.

  • iburl

    I'd call him a name, but he's already named Santorum.

  • HarryButtle

    Santorum: Look at the political base of the Democratic Party: it is single mothers who run a household. Why? Because it’s so tough economically that they look to the government for help and therefore they’re going to vote. So if you want to reduce the Democratic advantage, what you want to do is build two parent families, you eliminate that desire for government.

    Or, you know, you could do something to make it a little less tough economically on single mothers…something that isn't reminiscent of The Handmaid's Tale? I'm just sayin'…

  • edgydrifter

    Yeah, and if women stayed in the kitchen cooking for their men instead of stealing jobs like common sluts there'd be virtually zero unemployment. And if we took the vote away from them (because, seriously…) then men could get back to making America great for men again! Plus, NO MORE DEMOCRATS!!!

    C'mon Rick, you know you're dying to say it. Give in. Embrace your id.

    • tessiee

      "Yeah, and if women stayed in the kitchen cooking for their men instead of stealing jobs like common sluts"

      They'd somehow become lazy welfare queens.
      Ya can't win.

  • neiltheblaze

    Rick should just suck some dick and get it over with. It would change his life.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Santorum has identified the shadowy cabal of struggling single moms as America’s True Enemies of Freedom, because they tend to vote Democratic, i.e. “for the free government monies.” So greedy of them!

    Silly Single Moms!

    If only they knew how to play the game like Amurka's giant multinational corporations, they'd have wars thrown for their bank accounts only, FAUX Nooze networks cheering every job they off-shore, and both Rethuglican and Rethuglican Lite™ Democratic politicians competing to spit-shine their anuses.
    ~

  • Barrelhse

    Mothers are cunts, huh Rick?

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Lost Employment
    Destroys Families
    damages children

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    If Santorum wants to be taken seriously he needs to take this up a notch and get Brezhnev style eyebrows. I'm talking more square centimeters of eyebrow than Ron Paul has hair on his head.

  • rocktonsam

    are any of these single moms on match.com?

    that would be cool

  • arihaya

    single mothers are bad

    on the other hand, deadbeat dads like Joe Walsh are heroic, patriotic Americans !

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      I don't think he said that. Pretty sure he said women should have affordable access to abortion, so avoid becoming Demoncrats.

  • SarahsBush

    "So if you want to reduce the Democratic advantage, what you want to do is build two parent families…"

    Sounds kinda gay.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I read that as "two peasant families."

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Now THESE are eyebrows, Mr. Santorum. Are you man enough?
    http://phobos.ramapo.edu/~theed/Cold_War/d_Brezhn

    • PalinzADummy

      Even Ron Paul has to rely on eyebrow-merkins.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Here's another idea to revive Santorum's campaign – take a little idea from Simcity4 – have a secret word you can enter in your computer and it gives you $100 billion dollars. This would get more votes than 999 for sure.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This is not a campaign. This is a cry for psychological help.

  • coolhandnuke

    Rick Santorum's 8-8-8 tax structure plan:
    Increase taxes on any penis over 8 inches.
    Heavily tax, then incarcerate, any single mom out of the house past 8 pm.
    Watch reruns of Eight is Enough (isn't Willie Aames dreamy) then masturb8.

  • NYNYNYjr

    Rick Santorum did not write the Protocols of the Edlers of the Daycare Center, but he can provide you with a copy.

    • Barrelhse

      Edlers are like pedophiles, aren't they?

  • paris biltong

    This argument plays right into the hands of Romney and Huntsman, the only candidates who can offer to marry all those single mothers.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Santorum / Quayle '88 !!!

    • GOPCrusher

      Herb Cain/Papa John's 2012!

  • Guppy06

    "Why? Because it’s so tough economically that they look to the government for help and therefore they’re going to vote. So if you want to reduce the Democratic advantage, what you want to do is build two parent families(.)"

    Because actually fixing the economy is just not an option.

    • edgydrifter

      Ding Ding Ding! Exactly.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Really. Why not just come right out and say, "We don't CARE about fixing the economy. We CARE about reducing the Democratic advantage."

      Uh. I guess he DID just come right out and say that.

    • Negropolis

      Win of the Week.

      At the end of the day, they don't want to economy to be fixed, because to be honest, they don't see anything wrong with it beyond the fact that's it's not being driven into the ground fast enough for them.

      John McCain said it back in 2008. They believe that the fundamentals of the economy are strong. They truly do. We could go into a depression, and so long as they have theirs the economy is "working".

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Fixed economy + lower unemployment = Obama re-election.

      That's the only formula the GOP cares about, and they don't care how many Americans end up broke and homeless — they'll fuck over millions if they have to.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    I wonder if Poo-splatter fucks his wife through a hole in a sheet like the "chaste" knights of the dark ages did. Just wondering.

    • flamingpdog

      Would that be the left or the right eyehole in the sheet?

    • Jukesgrrl

      Distinctly possible. Since 2004, Rick and the missus have been known in the Catholic Church as Knight and Dame of Magistral Grace of the Knights of Malta (an order dating back to The Crusades).

      • Barrelhse

        In days of olde when knights were bold
        And rubbers weren't invented,
        They wrapped a sock around their cock
        And babies were prevented.

      • schvitzatura

        Sounds like something out of a Legendary Pink Dots or Men Without Hats song…do the Safety Dance with Princess Coldheart, wheee!

        • Jukesgrrl

          LOL.Not that festive, though.More like a Monty Python Spanish Inquisition skit.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Us ladiez will nevuh have our desire for government eliminated, Rick dear.

    • Negropolis

      You know what they say, once you go Big Government, you…well, I got nothing.

      • Chichikovovich

        Once you go Big Gov, it'll always be your first choice for love.

      • GOPCrusher

        What does Andrew Breibart have to do with this conversation?

        • HistoriCat

          Neither Andy nor Ricky is gay! Not gay!! Not at all!!!

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Please wash off your human-shaped dildo, it looks like it's covered in santorum.

  • Mr_Holland

    Santorum/Bachmann 1220 !!!

  • El Pinche

    No surprise they're adding single moms to the GOP pile of hate (along with poors, veterans, firemen, policemen, blacks, gays, blue collar workers,… basically non-rich, non-fatass non-white sacks of shit). No worries. Santorum is the cherry on top of my pile of hate.

    • GOPCrusher

      So, just who do they believe they can get to vote for them?

      • PalinzADummy

        At the rate they're going, they've only got old rich straight white males left. And fortunately, that's a – heh – dying constituency. (although not fast enough.)

      • tessiee

        The same people who are going to buy all the crapo the corporations make after they sent all the jobs overseas?

    • HedonismBot

      I really have to wonder how a party that goes out of its way to alienate every demographic in America can keep winning so many elections.
      Oh wait. I remember. Money, heartless billionaires and teabaggers who don't know Santorum from Shinola. Sigh.

  • Darthhippy

    I move, that Santorum no longer gets a full name like Rick/Richard. We need a Dick Santorum. I suggest that all further links to Santorum goes by the short name Dick Santorum.

    • Negropolis

      I second this frothy motion.

    • BlueStateLibel

      I third this smelly motion. I like the sound of "Dick Santorum."

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      If you have Dick Santorum, stop screaming and call for emergency medical help right away.

  • BklynIlluminati

    He is actively trying too sabotage his own campaign right? No one can be this monumentally stupid so it must be some sort of reverse genius where he pockets all the money runs away right? Wait i know the answer, i really do i was just hoping beyond hope that America could actually produce and allow a POS like Santorum to actually run for POTUS ugh.

    • Chichikovovich

      Sort of a political version of Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom? I can see it. There's a lot of money to be gained in the campaign finance game, as the Half-Governor is only the latest to prove, and if your campaign crashes spectacularly enough, who's going to demand an audit?

  • owhatever

    Worthless and ungrateful single mothers should not be allowed to vote if they drive on interstate highways or use other forms of government handouts, like fire departments and national parks and the army.

    There's something about the name "Rick" that is steadily eroding the IQ of the republican party.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They do have a lot of Dicks, don't they?

      • proudgrampa

        Well played!

  • Negropolis

    Needz moar Maury.

    Single mothers are people, too, my friend.

    • flamingpdog

      Single mothers are incorporated?

  • dennis1943

    Mr.Squeaky Clean needs to go back to the convent………..oh wait! Can't create any more single mothers………..bad for the party………..

  • Trannysurprise

    That girl in the front with the baby looks like a single mother. All this shit is her fault.

    • Barrelhse

      Let her die!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    "So if you want to reduce the Democratic advantage, what you want to do is build two parent families, you eliminate that desire for government."

    You can say that again!! Every time Government goes on tour, single Moms are out there flingin' diapers on the stage and breastfeeding in front of the hotel at all hours!

    • Chichikovovich

      All you babies out there! Are you ready to ROCK!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Clearly, the vast majority of married people vote Republican.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Call me hard to please, but when a candidate is polling below the margin of error, that's pretty much the end of the line.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      and that is on a good day

    • Generation[redacted]

      And that's when you go after the little-known "I hate single moms" vote.

    • GOPCrusher

      I predict that next week, Santorum will be on the lips of all young Republiklans and will be the Flavor Of The Week.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      My neigbor, Marge Innovera, was a Santorum supporter. You're telling me she's switched allegiance?

  • Chichikovovich

    I knew it was going to turn out to be Bristol Palin's fault somehow.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Uh oh. I await Lou Sarah's tweet.

    • GOPCrusher

      /END OF THREAD

  • Antispandex

    OK, I hate to be mean (not really) but look at that picture again. That is a two parent family, and what real chance do those kids have? Here's what I see. Drug addled goth who hates her parents, a "confirmed bachelor" / public restroom stalker, and an obese domestic violence victim. Hey, I just call them like I see them.

  • Rotundo_

    It must be awful to be delusional enough to believe that you are worthy of representing the USofA when in fact you aren't fit to run the till at a quickee mart. Any normal candidate would have taken a look at their presence on the net and what the world had to say about them and considered it as they weighed the decision. With all search engines pointing toward the frothy mix definition who but a complete idiot and a severely reality impared one would still go ahead and run? Only Santorum would, I guess.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Santorum froths about:
    1. Single mothers
    2. Abortions

    Ergo, he should tap Kansas City Bishop Robert Finn as his once and future VeePee. No to unmarried sexytime, no to abortions, and yes, yes, yes to a veritable santorum orgy of boy buggery.

  • sqeptiq

    Like many right-wing moralizers, Santorum says single people just need to get married and that'll solve the poverty problem. But these moralizers ignore the fact that to a high degree, poverty prevents or destroys marriage.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Oh you lieberal and your facty facts!!1! Who told you that — Rachel Madcow??

  • Jukesgrrl

    People who choose a political party based on how much free stuff they'll get? Where'd they get that idea … Wall Street?

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Fecal Matter/Lube 2012!

  • user-of-owls

    forcing these ladies to get a man, to straighten them out.

    Meet your new mayor, Topeka.

  • user-of-owls

    Because it’s so tough economically that they look to the government for help and therefore they’re going to vote.

    Oh yes, political scientists have known for years that the demographic with the highest turnout rate is poor, single mothers who are routinely able to get time off without repercussion from one of their three slave-wage jobs, collect their impoverished children from the rat-infested 'day care' hovel, pay for a taxi to get across town to the polling station 'cuz the bus don't come round here and stand in line while upstanding middle class people sneer viciously at her crying snot-covered children who cry because they're hungry and proudly cast their ballots. On a Tuesday. Always. They never miss an election. And that's the only reason the Democrats win. We've known this for years.

    I am so fucking angry I don't want a drink.

    • fuflans

      damn owls. you make me want to march somewhere.

      • user-of-owls

        I got the anger bear going tonight. Unfortunately.

  • spends2much

    So, which state will be the first to demand that females who want to vote need to bring a marriage certificate with them to get a ballot? Alabama, this sounds like something you could handle!

    • tessiee

      "So, which state will be the first to demand that females who want to vote need to bring a marriage certificate with them to get a ballot?"

      I'm guessing we can rule out Kansas.

  • dopper0189

    Does anyone else get the feeling this guy never gets laid even by his wife? I wouldn't be surprised if his kids happened by artificial insemination.

    • HedonismBot

      You know who else was conceived by artificial insemination? (Okay, I know, it's getting old…)

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Jesus.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Louise Brown?

    • tessiee

      He probably swam over her or something.

  • HedonismBot

    My mother has been a single mother since I was a wee one. When I was little, and I happened to see Pat Robertson's "700 Club" for the first time, he straight up told me that my mom is what is wrong with the world. It was at that precise moment that I began to realize the hypocrisy of sanctimonious "Christian" politicians. I thank my lucky stars it happened so early in my life.
    My mom votes Democratic. I'm proud of her.
    Fuck Pat Robertson with Satan's ween. Rick Santorum too.

    • poncho_pilot

      when i went to private Catholic high school with mostly well off kids every now and then i would overhear one of them saying something negative about people on welfare or a few times, single mothers.

      my single mom and i were on welfare for about five years when i was younger because we had to be. it's funny to me that kids who grow up never having experiences like wearing shitty $10 K-Mart shoes and hoping they don't fall apart before six or more months would have such an educated opinion on the poor.

  • fuflans

    on the plus side, rick's personal story is going to be very very ugly.

    you know it is.

    (and that's not counting dan savage)

  • SilverTsunami

    The Republicans actually tried this with Welfare Reform in the late 1990s and it didn't work then either. You know why? Because single moms aren't the problem.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Single mothers, double mothers…Santorum couldn't get his own mother to vote for him.

  • anteater

    He is aching for some peen.

  • Attila_T_Hun

    I had only a single mother and I turned out OK.
    What's so great about multiple mothers?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Same here. Of course, I have a modicum of concern for my fellow man, so Rick probably feels that I didn't turn out well. Fuck Dick Santorum with a syphilitic ween.

  • Schmegeg

    Hey Rick, maybe those single moms would have benefited from some Planned Parenthood services??

  • dennis1943

    I guess all those "family values" voters are happily married…………or at least "married"…..

  • Chichikovovich

    No snark. I had a good night's sleep and I'm still livid about this despicable creep. Along with "man on dog" this might be the most shameful thing he has ever said, and there's a library of material to choose from. The most vulnerable people in our society, many working multiple low-paying jobs, no health insurance, so just one serious childhood illness away from destitution (and let's not forget that St. Rick the Upstanding originally got to the Senate by defeating Harris Wofford, whose main "issue" was universal health insurance), and Rick decides to stick the knife in, in the hope of gaining some extra campaign donation money (moocher!) and a possible fraction of a percent in the polls for a cause that even he must realize is hopeless.

    And how hurtful can someone be? A woman finishes her second shift waiting tables and rushes to pick up her child(ren) from another single mother she trades babysitting with because she had to choose between professional childcare and feeding her children. She finally puts the child(ren) to bed – a little late but how else can she have time to talk and play with them – and sits down exhausted to watch the battered secondhand TV that a guy at work gave her a few years ago when he bought a big flatscreen (and which, according to people like you, makes her well-off) to hear you calling her a leech, a sponger, a parasite. Who votes only so that she might pick up a few extra bucks a week in food stamps – or more likely so that her food stamps might not get cut even further. In presumed contrast to the Koch brothers and their like, who support the Republicans with millions of dollars because it brings them tax cuts that return them several times more millions.

    You are fond of saying "The Democrats are relativists. They don't believe in evil." Perhaps that caricature is true of a handful, but most of us (and whatever morally centred people may still remain Republicans) do believe in evil. And we recognize it in you.

    It's unlikely, but perhaps in a few decades as death approaches, you will have a moment of clarity, and realize just how low you have sunk. And you may see this speech as one of the instants where your hateful, grasping, punitive soul was most tarnished. And you will see, as we already do, that you have – through your own choices, words, and actions – transformed yourself into a vile, loathsome, creature. Drenched in hatred and sin. A contemptible human being.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Testify. Santorum is an evil, despicable person who deserves to be mocked and humiliated. I'd expect him to turn up as the new host of the "700 Club," but he prays to the wrong flavor of Invisible Sky Gandalf.

    • ThundercatHo

      Dayum. That was good, thx. How sad that this can be said about almost all prominent Republican politicians.

    • Jukesgrrl

      If I could give you extra p, you'd get it for every Harris Wofford reference. If only …

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    All you single mothers! (All you single mothers!)
    All you single mothers! (All you single mothers!)
    Well you never shoulda let him put his thing in it
    Not unless he went ahead and put a ring on it
    Slutty Democrats will let you get away with it
    But the Plutocrats are never gonna pay for it
    Wuh uh oh, San-to-rum, wuh uh oh, San-to-rum…

    • schvitzatura

      Rick's sorry Ms. Jackson [OOOH]
      He is for real
      Never meant to make your daughter cry
      He should 'pologize a trillion times

    • thebeatgoeson

      *ding ding ding!!!* We have a winner!

    • tessiee

      With apologies to Cee Lo Green:

      I see you drivin' round town with your frothy mix, I'm like
      Fuck You!
      I guess your sorry-ass family's just a photo prop, so
      Fuck You!
      and fuck them too.
      You know if I had money, you still wouldn't be funny.
      (I really hate your ass right now)
      I see you drivin' round town with your frothy mix, I'm like
      Fuck You!

  • proudgrampa

    Wow. Just wow.

    Rick is a Dick.

  • moar_plz

    OCCUPY SINGLE MOTHERS!!!

  • tessiee

    "Look at the political base of the Democratic Party: it is single mothers who run a household. Why? Because it’s so tough economically that they look to the government for help and therefore they’re going to vote."

    I know, right?
    Can you even believe these pain in the ass single mothers? I mean, what are they thinking of, voting for the people who are going to make their lives better instead of the people who are going to make their lives worse?
    *pinches bridge of nose in exasperation*
    We shoulda seen this coming when we gave chicks the vote, I tells ya.

  • jzgplj

    Rick Santorum, a complete fucking moron.

  • ttommyunger

    If anyone would know the plight of a single mom it would be little Ricky. I have long suspected he is a single mom trapped in a perverted douchebag's body.

  • DemonicRage

    I hope that Romney picks this douche as his running mate, and they both completely turn off the electorate–aside from the crazies.

  • James Michael Curley

    Santorum also offered one more reason that he was the superior candidate.

    “Experience matters,” he said. “When that phone call comes at 3 o’clock in the morning, ladies and gentleman, I will be up and waiting for the call because I will know what’s going on in the world around us. You won’t have to get me out of bed!”

    "I will be so pumped on cafine pills, meth and Xanax I will nuke (insert muslim nation here) into the next century"

  • Liberalkiller

    What needs to happen to welfare moms who vote democrat is that they need to be placed in concentration camps and and exposed to the facts that they are single because they are sluts and the tax payers will not be accountable for their stupidity.