Wonkette special correspondent Riley Waggaman is like the child you threw out and then, years later, kind of felt bad about. What ever happened to him? Well, after a triumphant week or two of posting dispatches from the Occupy Wall Street campout, Riley had to hitchhike back to New Hampshire for some other kind of “personal liberty,” but now he’s back at Zuccotti. Here is the entirety of his email today:
[Offline] Riley Waggaman to me
show details 11:43 AM (1 hour ago)
Hey! sorry! I have been at the park since last weekend. But I have not been able to write anything recently, mostly due to terrible laziness/I’m now stashing my computer at a friend’s house in Brooklyn, which makes breaking-news coverage difficult.
But I was there for all the craziness last night/this morning! We got rained on hard. Developed a bit of a cold so now I am resting up. Will try to write something today!
riley
So, no Armies of the Night II from Waggaman today. Maybe tomorrow!? Kirsten B. says she’s going to make him “some cookies from the mysterious “halloween sandwich mold cutters” (ew) that my mom just mailed to me.”







{ 76 comments }
Riley, sorry about the cold. Feel better soon.
I don't know which should concern us about Riley more: cold mutters or "mold cutters"
If he starts writing about "banana cutters," we'll know he hitch-hiked to Bangkok.
Riley, sorry about the laziness. Feel better soon.
Kidding, friend. You have my total respect.
Halloween sammiches?
Things are looking up, Riley.
Hang in there!
~
keep up the good work!
How 'bout some video of that "personal liberty" up in NH? On the other hand, if it's not pornographic, don't bother.
Hals und Beinbruch Riley.
"Riley had to hitchhike back to New Hampshire for some other kind of “personal liberty,”
That is one way way of saying me and MacPro got stomped by the NYPD and spent the week in the hospital.
Unity and Struggle!
KBJ if Riley is ill, ya don't want to cut off that bread mold as it has them there pennysillians in it.
What is this crap? Did Lenin write about his sinus condition? Did Fidel Castro send out releases about his hemorrhoids? Do the Libyan revolutionaries treat us with news of their psoriasis? Get on with the class struggle Riley, never mind your personal issues.
I laughed. Then I felt bad. Feel better, Riley!
Many upfists for you!
Riley Waggaman…more like Riley Slackaman. C'mon man, get us the dirt!
Yeah more pics of the topless chicks.
Wait – more pics? Where were the first pics?
"Personal liberty"? Is that the new term for "hot date"?
Get well soon, Riley!
Keep up the good work Riley — and the best thing for a cold is a clove of garlic and a shot of Maker's Mark.
A friend says 1 clove of garlic every half hour until you have eaten 6 cloves, meanwhile you have to be wrapped in many layers in bed- so I guess this won't work for Zucotti park- unless Riley burrows under a bunch of people
Forget the cookies, Kirsten. Riley needs Whoopie Pies!
Ingredients
* 1 1/2 sticks (6 ounces) unsalted butter, 1 stick melted, 1/2 stick softened
* 1 cup packed light brown sugar
* 2 large eggs, at room temperature, lightly beaten
* 1 cup canned pure pumpkin puree
* 1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice
* 1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
* 1 teaspoon baking powder
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 3/4 teaspoon plus 2 pinches salt
* 1-2/3 cups flour
* 4 ounces cream cheese, chilled
* 1 cup confectioners' sugar
POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME!
~
Oh man, my auntie made a batch of them last year when I visited up in yankee land, talk about taking me back to the days of my youth. mmm-mmm.
No, no, no. I'm glad she's using cream cheese in a frosting instead of terrible shortening filling whoopie pies, but you want these:
http://www.marshmallowfluff.com/pages/whoopie_pie...
Double the filling. Do not bake the cakes too long. Thank me later.
Do. NOT. Want.
(Marshmallow Fluff is made of peeps.)
"We got rained on hard."
Your move, Bob Dylan.
See below.
I'm into the whole brevity thing, man.
K
"We got rained on hard"
Lost in the rain in Juarez and it's eastertime too?
Riley, get some chicken soup when you go visit your computer over there in Brooklyn. I'm sure there's someone in that town who knows how to make it.
He's not dead yet! He's getting better!
It's like the '68 Democratic Convention meets Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I tells ya!
I hope Riley doesn't have the bird flu. Or, some contagious strain of virus that causes pox on the face. The virus, having been given to monkeys that escaped from a missile silo in the Southwest where Native Americans cursed the ancient stories that the monkeys will whisper into Riley's ear.
Uh oh, looks like Breitbart was just at "Riley's Farm" where he apparently has a cameo role in a new episode of "Courage, New Hampshire." Is that what Riley was gone for? How much courage did it take, exactly?
"Developed a bit of a cold so now I am resting up."
Should we start calling him Anita Waggaman? Riley Perry? Sorry it's so brutal, bud, but quit yer whinin' and get back to protestin'! This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin' around.
♪♫"And what'll you do now, my blue-eyed son?
And what'll you do now my darling young one?"
I'm a-goin' back out 'fore the rain starts a-fallin'.
I'll walk to the depths of the deepest black forest
Where the people are a many and their hands are all empty
Where the pellets of poison are flooding their waters
Where the home in the valley meets the damp dirty prison
Where the executioner's face is always well hidden
Where hunger is ugly, where souls are forgotten
Where black is the color, where none is the number
And I'll tell and think it and speak it and breathe it
And reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it.
Then I'll stand on the ocean until I start sinkin'
But I'll know my songs well before I start singin'.
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.♪♬
Day man!
Fighter of the Night man
Champion of the sun
You’re a master of karate and friendship…for everyone
Day man, day man
Uhh ahhahh
"Developed a bit of a cold so now I am resting up. "
Needs more chicken soup.
Use this to your advantage boy! Get out there and cough and hack on every cop you can find. Oh, and any passing empty-suits. Get in their faces and say lots of words that start with "sp" so the spit just flies. Christ, life gives you cooties, make some cootie-ade.
Hang in there, Riley!
Riley –
Stay strong, buddy!
Love,
proudgrampa
Bill O'Reilly Says Wall Street Occupiers are Infested with Rats, Drugs and Outdoor Sex.
What's up with the rats?
Doesn't he sound just incredibly envious?
He's still pissed off that he missed
WoodstockAltamont.Brats?
It's New York–every place is rat-infested. Besides, if you're getting some quality drug-fueled public sex and you still can't stop thinking about rats, buddy, there's something wrong with your brain.
Reminds me of a documentary I saw on the Berkeley free speech movement in the 60s. John Searle, who was Berkeley dean of students at the time, said of the students occupying Sproul plaza: (Can't recall the exact quote): They were basically clean cut kids who had reasonable expectations about open debate. Then Governor Reagan denounced them as unwashed druggie fiends listening to wild music and having sex day and night. And within a week every lunatic in California descended – we were overrun by people looking for sex/drugs/etc. It had to be there, right? The governor said so.
But we brought lotsa drugs and generated lotsa sex when we came, so it was all good. Right?
Are we sure Riley's not just making up this cold thing as an excuse for his fake eyebrow falling off?
Seriously, hope you feel better soon, Riley.
Riley, get well soon. And I would make sure you avoid any blankets being distributed by Koch Charities. Something tells me they may provide more than warmth.
Smallpox? Bubonic plague? Think of the possibilities.
Find a Romanian village in NYC. Buy a bottle of tuica (plum brandy). Put a small pot on the stove, add 1/2 – 2/3 cup of brandy, add 1/4 tsp of sugar and 5 peppercorns. Bring it to just below boiling, slowly pour into a small mug, and enjoy.
It'll knock your ass out as well as the cold, works like a charm.
Riley's like a bad abortion, just keeps coming back.
back to New Hampshire
Wait, what, Rliey is thinking of a GOP presidential run?
A caveat to my previous advice: fat NYPD on horses won't run you over, but fat NYPD on scooters will.
Lady Noonington wadeth in:
OWS is not in itself important—it is obvious at this point that it's less a political movement than a be-in. It's unfocused, unserious in its aims.
…
A movement that will go nowhere but could do real damage would be "We hate the rich, let's stick it to them." Movements built on hatred are corrosive, and in the end corrode themselves. Ask Robespierre. In any case, the rich would leave. The rich are old, they feel like refugees in the new America anyway.
Much like Joe DiMaggio, Mr. Robespierre has long been gone. Coo coo ca choo Mrs Noonington.
say what you want about robespierre, dame nooningtonshire, he still cut some motherfucking heads off. Shitloads of them. I think we can stand to lose a heretofore non-existent robespierre to see lloyd blankfein's head in a basket.
Lady Noonington maketh me gag. Poor rich refugees. Boo hoo.
Peggy Noonan is New Jersey turnpike trash doing a 30-year tranny act as an Upper East Side Socialite. I wonder how quick she'll drop that act when the mob (led by her doorman) stomps down the hall.
"Movements built on hatred are corrosive, and in the end corrode themselves." Not so at all, the anti-gay hate movement is still going strong. And the rich are now all old? Is she shooting heroin along with her four martinis every night now?
You know who else is not dead yet?
Paul McCartney?
Proving there is no justice in the universe, Dick Cheney?
Zha Zha Gabor, barely?
Hope and Change?
Amy WinehouseMichael JacksonDick Cheney?
Francisco Franco? Oh, wait….
This is good news for Wonkette Jr.
And John McCain!
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/10/legal-...
The National Lawyers Guild confirms to TPM that one of its legal observers was injured and arrested in an incident involving a NYPD motor scooter that was captured on video Friday morning during the Occupy Wall Street protests.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrzQedHM6SY&fe...
What exactly would one put in a "Jesus Ween" cookie?
Jesus H. Ween.
How about a Jesus Ween matzoh ball for dear Riley?
(Well, he WAS Jewish…)
I think hot and sour soup is better for a cold- clears out that nose
The best is my Whole head of Garlic, Ginger and Habanero pepper Chicken Soup.
Just like my Jewish grandmother used to make…
Cold? What is that, a code?
"Riley Is Not Dead (Yet)"
Born to be alive?
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