WHA?? So according to this weird image, it turns out that Dr. Ron Paul is either an alien cyborg whose face began partially melting off under the hot stage lights of the last GOP debate, OR, possibly, he was caught strangely using eyebrow toupees to beef up the facial hair testosterone quotient of his libertarian sex god persona. No pencil thin lady brows here, nosiree! To be fair, these are just some eyebrows we are talking about, whereas Mitt Romney is actually a known entirely fake human.
At any rate, the NYT Fashion & Style section is ON THE CASE:
Seen on television, Mr. Paul appeared to have a second, thinner brow under the one headed south, creating a delicate X over his right eye.
Jesse Benton, a campaign spokesman, insisted that Mr. Paul had been the victim of the elements, namely a heavy pollen season in New Hampshire, and called accusations that he’d been artificially enhancing “stupid” and “insulting.”
“Dr. Paul’s allergies acted up a touch,” Mr. Benton said in an explanation that might raise some, you know, questions.
Best medical explanation from an actual doctor for ” parts of my face started falling off” that we have ever heard! [NYT]
{ 232 comments }
Ron Paul/Merkin Muffley 2012
Hello? Dmitri?
"Gentlemen! You can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"
DO NOT want to see what this guy's wearing, y'know, "down there."
So, y'all are positive this couldn't be, you know, that Ron has those extra-long hairy brow thingies like Leonid Brezhnev or sump'n, and they all just clumped up and got stuck?
No, huh? OK, then. Just checking.
LEPROSY! RUN!!!
And be really worried when the whole thing slides south, and you see the titanium exoskeleton and glowing red eyes…
Eyebrow toupees? It does make him look 20 years sillier.
Yeah. Why didn't he just draw them in like old ladies do?
called accusations that he’d been artificially enhancing “stupid” and “insulting.”
Much like Ron Paul himself.
Ron Paul has not "…been artificially enhancing 'stupid' and 'insulting.'
He is genuinely 'stupid' and 'insulting.'
In this sport, it doesn't matter how naturally stupid and insulting you are, you have to enhance to compete! There's a reason why they call it "doping."
In all fairness to Dr. Paul, at least no one is suggesting that it is a hidden receiver to feed him information as was the case of Bush the Lesser's debate hump.
The team assigned to covertly feed him information went out for drinks. They left the mike on a tape loop while they were away.
“Dr. Paul’s allergies acted up a touch,”
How does one sneeze through an eyebrow?
Is it possible to sneeze so hard an eyebrow falls off? I have sneezed a contact lens out of my eye, but never lost an eyebrow.
Guess that's better than sneezing so hard you shit your pants.
Please let that happen during the next debate. To one of them, not me. And I don't even care which one.
On the other hand, there's a lot to be said for targeting.
All of them Katie.
It probably happened to Walnuts last time, but nobody noticed or cared. Unless a load drops on the stage it will be just another Repub debate. Even if it did drop on live television someone would just claim it was notes slipping off the podium or some stupid stuff like that.
Oh, where is the next debate being held? Because I'm seeing a snowblower full of pollen, dust, ragweed, and assorted dander being dispatched there pronto.
That's why Depends were invented.
I once sneezed so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eyeball. The ER nurse was very dismissive. "Happens to pregnant women all the time," she said. "You can go home now, it goes away by itself. "
Years of practice.
How does one sneeze through an eyebrow?
God, you're so beaten down by government regulation you don't have any idea what men can accomplish in a truly free society!
Coffee nearly came out my nose because of this comment.
My eyebrows thankfully are intact.
With a truly free market and the government off our backs, all things are possible!
It wouldn't be the first time a Paultard makes a bullshit excuse to try to cover up Gandolf's shortcomings, would it?
How DARE you question the ONLY honest candidate in the Corporatocracy! Ron Paul 2012 FOREVAH! Tears rolling down my cheeks, this 6'6" 350 lb guy is not ashamed to declare The Ron Paul REVOLution!
As a man who has too pluck my too-bushy eyebrows, I wonder why the fuck anyone lucky enough to have thin eyebrows would want to make them look bigger and uglier.
I'm in the same boat. When I get a hair cut I have them trim the brows other wise it would like wooly bears were eating my face. Is there a market for eyebrow hair?
Given the nature of this article, I'd have to say "yes."
Apparently, and you probably get paid in gold.
Yes, and it's a free market.
Did you see the article in Murdock's dishrag about soldiers getting their eyebrows threaded and manscaped?
I'm no tranny expert, but I have a theory.
I cut Jeffery's hair every other Monday and I trim his brows with tiny little cuticle scissors. I think that when I grow up I want to be Jeffery.
I have it on good authority this is the reason they let Andy Rooney go from 60 Minutes. Had absolutely nothing to do with him being half past dead, or that nobody under 80 watches their show, nope–it was his eyebrows.
This is probably the Libertarian symbiotic organism trying to re-enter whats left of his frontal lobe.
I tried to "plus" this twice, but unlike Dimmocrat voting machines the Wonkette wouldn't let me. Eh, kids these days!, who never heard of Patty Hearst and all. Anyways, I LOL'd, a lot.
Hey SorosBot, try threading, it is amazing, if there are any Indians, Arabs, Pakistanis , Armenians or Persians in your 'hood you will be able to do it.
John Galt never wore no damn ersatz eyebrow fur.
Did his insurance cover it?
Is this a Galtian slip?
I have a good source (a.k.a I made this up) that swears he paid for his brow merkins with socialist medicare.
“Dr. Paul’s allergies acted up a touch,” Mr. Benton said in an explanation that might raise some, you know, questions.
Dr. Paul must think we are all suffering from hayseed fever.
BTW Wonkette's own Limeylizzie scoped that out during our real time debate blog.
Indeed she did, indefatigable and scrupulous adjudicator of tonsorial authenticity that she is.
I thought someone else spotted it and I commented on it.
Yer right, io9k9s made the 1st post, you were second. That what happens when oldes like V572 & I try to fish something from our short term data banks.
Whu?
I have multiple excuses for short-term memory weakness, myself. Wait, what was I talking about? Mmmmmm, boobs!
No no, you senile old goats. Lizzie spotted the apparent shedding of Shelley's eyelashes falling off, thus identifying a potential source for Ron's mysterious bit of fuzz.
The causal circle was completed by an astute observer who noted, "Like the swallows to Capistrano, [Shelley's eyelashes are] migrating to Ron's eyebrows."
A forehead merkin?
Silly Wonkette; that is just the latest fashion trend: migrating mustaches. Move along, nothing to see here.
Build the dang fence!
“Spit!”
You know western civilisation is in the shitter when it's leaders(?) feel the need to wear false fuckin' eyebrows!! What in the name of the bloated bowels of Beelzebub is going on…
And don't tell me it worked for Leonid Brezhnev- he was clinically dead for the last half of his life anyway, and "everyone" knows hair keeps growing on a corpse.
Hmmm. Mine seems to have predeceased me.
What in hell do his allergies have to do with a drooping eyebrow??? Spokesperson fail.
Apparently he was allergic to the glue that would actually hold the thing in place so they just threw some Elmers on there.
The spokesperson was following the John T. Buse law of answers: A fast answer is better than a correct one. The speed gives a sense of confidence.
LOL!
Really.
#notintendedtobeacoherentstatement
Seen on television, Mr. Paul appeared to have a second, thinner brow under the one headed south, creating a delicate X over his right eye.
Obviously pandering to the Manson Family Values Voters.
Trying to steal away Shelly's base, eh?
I didn't realize that Squeaky had endorsed The Shrew…
I wonder if he wears underarm merkins?
I think they are called pitwigs.
I for one , welcome our Testeronian overlords!
Or is that Testerossian? Heck I'd take a Testerossa.
If Paul is using fake eyebrows that is still the most sane thing about the batshit old buzzard.
Needs more unibrow.
Remember Brezhnev? Now that was a unibrow! Eat your heart out, Putin!
That's where he kept the missle codes.
The Berlin Wall and the Iron Curtain could not come down until this mighty hedge was uprooted.
"Mr. Brezhnev, tear down that hedge!" never did work, did it?
He apparently has constitutional issues if he needs to look younger.
Another failure of the invisible hand to keep all brows afloat.
Hiding his thin eye brows? Conservative? Christian? I smell a tranny.
And what does a Tranny smell like?
Maybelline and silicone.
Well, your automatics usually smell like Type F or Dexron, or sometimes like Mercon automatic transmission fluid. Your manual boxes smell like 20W-80 gear lube and get pretty ripe. Oh, we aren't talking about car parts here are we? My bad, I guess they probably smell a whole lot nicer than a manual transmission taken apart does, probably better than an automatic too, especially one that has had the clutches burned out on it.
I'm guessing drag queen too. Nothing gives away your weekends spent as Tequila Mockingbird like a pencil thin brow.
Speaking of creepy eyes, if my "Soulmate" looked like the bigeyed freak to the right, I would know that I had died and gone to hell.
Kortney? But she "loves" her some vegatables!
Nah, this wasn't Kortney. This was some other ad that temporarily pops up.
I love Kortney!
Smokey the bear?
Times are tough for the lizard people.
Of course, the lamesteam media would rather talk about this than discuss Ron Paul's political positions.
Which is as it should be, because Ron Paul's political positions are staggeringly fucktarded.
That's Un-a-merkin!
Caterpillar libel!
Well I hope you have a spare thing of candy beans!
“Dr. Paul’s allergies acted up a touch,”
It's a feather?
Toupees? He don't need no stinking toupees. Not when he can join Eyebrow Club for Men™ and have eyebrows that stand up to wind, swimming and a lady's touch.
Call today. You'll be glad you did.
Or Rogaine®©™. It stimulates eyebrow growth on 85 percent of "guys." The others go blind when it drips into their eye sockets, but all meds have side effects.
I think this happened to Seth Brundle/Jeff Goldblum in that movie The Fly.
Yeah, I always grow random facial hair when the pollen season kicks in.
For me it's a migratory thing. Some days I wake up and my moustache is under my left nipple and my beard has moved to my elbow.
He's lucky. My forehead is sliding down my back.
A Republican, non-interventionist, Groucho Marxist?
Truly a man of contradictions.
Say the secret woid and get a Republican nomination!
Should have gone Palin and tattooed eyebrows on…
Nose afro or GTFO!
Most OLDS already have bushes growing in their noses and ears…
Not half as bad as Santorum's false pubic hair.
Or his Santorum.
I tell ya….its tough to be a Merkin in these tough economic times….WTF Ron?
Nothing to see here — Dr. Representative Ron Paul is just letting potential candidates for his eyebrow duke it out in the free market. It's a principle he's upheld ever since he consumed his identical twin in the womb.
More plausible explanation:
Facial hair caught in dirigible down-draft.
Apparently the free market stiffed the good doctor on eyebrows.
No, he waxes because he wants to appear more alien-like…
That damn Invisible Hand failed to tape the eyebrow back on…again!
I also have problems with my eyebrows falling during high pollen count days!
To help, I recommend the 24 hr allergy relief of Allegra!
To help, I recommend the 24 hr allergy relief of Allegra!
Generic advice…
At least my eyebrows are now staying put!!!1!
Eyebrow rides, anyone?
NO WANTZ!
Oh come on, it's either this or santorum-face.
More evidence that Ron Paul = Ru Paul.
Google Ron Paul and work it, honey!
sashe shantay!!!
Forget the eyebrows, look at his dried up little hand-claw… now that's scary!
NEVER LOOK AT THE HAND CLAW!!!
Why doesn't anyone ever tell me these things????
I thought it was supposed to be invisible.
Paul's a trend setter. He was also sagging, but you couldn't see it because of the podium. Soon all this kids will be "lashing".
A wink is as good as a nod to a blind man.
Your wife a sport, eh?
This reminds me of the time I had a rogue white eyebrow. It stood out like a freakin' unicorn horn. My task, that morning, was to pluck it. But, having progressive lens I couldn't quite focus on that varmit well enough to grapple it with the tweezers. It probably too 20 minutes to find the correct angle of the head and the right section of my glasses to peer though.
I finally got it though. It must have been an inch and a half long.
Aging is not pretty. Especially when aging means things you want to sprout don't. Things you don't; do.
Try wearing your glasses upside down.
Yeah, yeah, blame it all on the progressives.
I have a hair on my chin that is jet black, stiff as a paint brush and about 3 inches long, I am always after it with the tweezers.
I hate when I get those long antennae sprouting out of my eyebrows. And do they just "sproing" out in the night, growing an inch in one swoop? Or is this an eyesight problem?
Why did that turn me on?
Because when perfect beauty has a flaw it makes it even more alluring?
Ah the universal rule of aging, everything gets heavier, hairier and lower to the ground. Growing old sucks, but not as much as the alternative.
I just assumed he was being attacked by an angry caterpillar.
Frida Kahlo of the unibrow is not amused.
Needz moar monkey on shoulder….
invisible hands of the free market are giving him facial disaster
NYT fashion section? Tits on a boar.
whose face began partially melting
That you, Jim Newell?
It looks like he has a couple of mouse pelts taped to his head.
*BTW, how the heck do I embed a link in a comment?
(http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2011/10/17/111017sh_shouts_pearson)
Your link didn't work for me – but your comment was hilarious!
I too, have longed to embed a link in a comment.
http://www.ironspider.ca/format_text/hyperlinks.h...
basic html? Awesome! It's like 1995 all over again (and note the eyebrows!)
Here's that link… (court of versailles dictates fashion, correct?)
Btw, I use < a href=" link goes here "> text goes here < /a > without the spaces in between the quotes or spaces before or after the carats.
Other folks have described the native HTML method for linking, but some sites (e.g. Wikipedia) have shorthand for creating links using square brackets or some such. Is there are such shorthand for links here on
ButtsecksForumWonkette?Thanks, also.
Allergies to what? Fake-eyebrow glue?
The Eyebrow Hall of Fame:
John L. Lewis (labor organizer – look him up)
Andy Rooney
Brook Shields
Brook used to look like she had a pair of shoe polish brushes stuck on her forehead. You know what that means, don't you?
That she could blow you and polish your belly at same time?
Close; if you put your shoes on your belly she could blow you and polish your shoes at the same time.
Rod Sterling. His eyebrows were… unearthly.
Great call! How could I forget him?
His daughter was briefly in my grade school. She drew a picture of a four-legged chicken.
Bill Jauss.
His one eyebrow was so long, he used it as part of the comb over to cover his bald pate.
Dander causes your eye brow to fall off. C'mon people he's a DR. It's science.
If Paul is caught eyebrow juicing, then he needs to suspended indefinitely and disqualified from the Hall of Fame.
"We should be like 1900," Paul said. "We put up with things all the time. Having our debates broadcast over the radio because teevees weren't invented yet, why, we wouldn't be talking about wearing rugs over our eyebrows at all."
If it was 1900 and he was in a radio debate, he'd use a fake tonsil.
"…or onions on our belts."
I'll put up with this fugly eyebrows so long as he doesn't start wearing those God awful khaki shorts his son Rand wears. My dining room table legs look better than Rand's legs.
I like that split eyebrow look.
~ Mike Tyson
“Those glues are almost indestructible,” Ms. De Haydu said. “So whoever put it on for him did not put it on correctly.”
The same could be said for whoever was assigned to attach Ron's balls.
Allergy season has been hell in the North East this year. I sneezed the other day and blew all the air supporting my skeletal frame out the other end of my body.
WIN
This same exact thing happened on I Love Lucy. Lucy wanted to be on Ricky's show and he wuddan leh her, so she masqueraded as a man and did well until the hot lights began to melt her disguise, resulting in comedy. Ron Paul is old enough to have seen that episode.
Ron Paul is old enough to have inspired that episode.
Either way, it resulted in wacky antic comedy.
Was that the one where she caught her fake nose on fire with a cigarette lighter? No?
GOPeers are way weirder than I ever could have imagined.
You know who else had unusual facial hair?
Billy Gibbons, Dusty Hill, and Frank Beard? Oh wait, scratch Frank.
Wolf Boy?
Certainly not Syd Barrett.
Oh, oh, I know this one….the greatest monster of all time probably, Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin.
Werewolves of London?
Sarah Palin? No? Michelle Bachmann?
Everything is disintegrating! Pat Buchanan's new book tells all! http://www.drudgereport.com/flashpb.htm
SUICIDE OF A SUPERPOWER
"Will America Survive to 2025?"
Chapter 1: The Passing of a Superpower
Chapter 2. The End of Christian America
Chapter 3. The Crisis of Catholicism
Chapter 4. The End of White America
Chapter 5. Demographic Winter
And on and on. Game over people!
Think I'll just grab my pearls and swoon.
Can't wait till Wonkette Book Club reviews this.
Pat Buchanan is a disgusting, Nazi sack of shit.
I could use his chapter titles to write a book declaring that white people are America's biggest problem, also.
#2,668 on the Amazon hit parade? I think Bristol Palin's autobiography did better than that.
Alien, yes. Cyborg, not so much. Unless he is a drastically malfunctioning cyborg. In other words, a cyborg using a Windows operating system.
or DOS
You know who ELSE wore fake eyebrows while conspiring against the President?!
Burt Lancaster in Seven Days in May?
David Ferrie?
Ding!
That strange character that was part of Jim Garrison's kennedy conspiracy theory? The one with the obvious orange wig and painted on eyebrows?
Dingding! I'm just sayin', was Ron Paul ever in a Civil Air Patrol unit in Louisiana as a young man?
He hasn't denied it!
Inspector Clouseau?
"My face! You've stolen my face! Give me back my face, you fiend! "
Squeaky Fromme?
I'll bet they were made in China,from dog hair,unborn dog hair!
This is the most important presidential campaign news since Gennifer Flowers!!eleven!!1</bold>[text]<exclamation>!!!
Boinking Gennifer Flowers = proof you are a normal, healthy male with appropriate desires. Wearing fake eyebrows = proof you are batshit insane crackpot.
- Frank Lloyd Wright (really!)
Cut Ron a little slack. He's just trying to look like what he thinks we think he should look like. And, God bless him, he does.
You know who ELSE brings up Clinton's mistresses whenever their candidate's batshit craziness is brought up?
Every single fucking Republican on the planet?
That old friend from high school who found you on facebook and seems to have gone off the deep end during the intervening years?
Linda Tripp?
All of them, Katie. (sorry)
The economy is in the tank. The Euro may crash and send Markets tumbling further South, and all we can focus on is whether one of the Republican candidates tried to hide the fact that he has thinning eyebrows. Remember those photos of Mao swimming that turned out to be photoshopped? The Chinese would never have permitted an Imperial Lord to be embarrassed the way that our free press has caused Grandad Ron Paul to have been.
Ming the Merciless > Ron the Hopeless.
Ron Paul/Beyonce 2012
I read that his son is now replacing Joe Lieberman in the McCain-Graham-Xxxxxx triumvirate (Jobs Through Growth Act). With Joe shuffling off in the sunset the group needs another to thwart the Senate and democracy in general.
There are very few senior men that need to augment their eyebrows. The opposite is certainly true for me (without weekly thinning I look like Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev). The only exception I have found is a dude that had a serious mishap while free-basing in the 90's.
You know Richard Pryor?!
That pose suggests that he's trying to appear interested in something–anything else other than his eyebrow falling off.
It's well known that Dr. Paul acquired Friedrich Hayek's eyebrows from a mutual acquaintance (a Viennese prostitute) and dons them for special occassions.
Allergies? The American people expect their President to be able to lie much better than that, Mr Paul.
Stupid tard – porn brows went out in the 70's.
Bumper Sticker: got brow?
His original eyebrows went Galt and he had to do something
OT
Over at the Saloon, they have a nice bit on the CIA's keeping the FBI out of the loop on two fine Saudi lads who would help fly an aeroplane into the Pentagon. They close with a reminder that Mittens' chief adviser on counter-terrorism is the psychodouche Cofer Black, who was the supervisor at the CIA of the folks who worked so hard to keep future 9/11 airplane hijackers Khalid al-Mihdhar and Nawaf al-Hazmi from getting scooped-up by the FBI.
mystery now solved in brand new TV ad buy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed...
Anyone else think Stan Sitwell when the saw this pic?
http://arresteddevelopment.wikia.com/wiki/Stan_Si...
If you're gonna take the time to pick out some fake eyebrows and then glue them on to your face why not pick some that at least match the hair on top of your head?
Commander Amarao approves: http://flcl.wikia.com/wiki/Commander_Amarao
I didn't even know you could *get* eyebrow wigs. Say … anyone up for depantsing Ron Paul in front of the debate cameras? Anybody?
Invisible Hand fail.
so marcus bachmann's beard wasn't the only hair-based deception on the stage that night?
Devil Hair! Needs a trim, but we can't afford it.
I'm sure his son can find him a curly eyebrow wig if he asks.
Probably one of the well-known side-effects of legalized heroin…
I bet Bachmann's iBrows are fake too!
When asked about the hardships of the people, swivel eyebrow upward to 'Sympathy Mode'.
Is it happy hour yet?
That's what I remembered! Or didn't remember! Why can't MSM get the story right? They always miss the important issues. Or does this mean that Miche1e is now more marginal than Obstetro-Congressman Paul?
Isn't it always?
Comments on this entry are closed.