VANITY CANDIDATES  12:15 pm October 14, 2011

Fashion Update: Ron Paul Possibly Wearing Eyebrow Wigs

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

At least he doesn't go around getting mani-pedis all the time, like Newt Gingrich.WHA?? So according to this weird image, it turns out that Dr. Ron Paul is either an alien cyborg whose face began partially melting off under the hot stage lights of the last GOP debate, OR, possibly, he was caught strangely using eyebrow toupees to beef up the facial hair testosterone quotient of his libertarian sex god persona. No pencil thin lady brows here, nosiree! To be fair, these are just some eyebrows we are talking about, whereas Mitt Romney is actually a known entirely fake human.

At any rate, the NYT Fashion & Style section is ON THE CASE:

Seen on television, Mr. Paul appeared to have a second, thinner brow under the one headed south, creating a delicate X over his right eye.

Jesse Benton, a campaign spokesman, insisted that Mr. Paul had been the victim of the elements, namely a heavy pollen season in New Hampshire, and called accusations that he’d been artificially enhancing “stupid” and “insulting.”

“Dr. Paul’s allergies acted up a touch,” Mr. Benton said in an explanation that might raise some, you know, questions.

Best medical explanation from an actual doctor for ” parts of my face started falling off” that we have ever heard! [NYT]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 230 comments }

nounverb911 October 14, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Ron Paul/Merkin Muffley 2012

slowhansolo October 14, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Hello? Dmitri?

memzilla October 14, 2011 at 12:23 pm

"Gentlemen! You can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2011 at 12:36 pm

DO NOT want to see what this guy's wearing, y'know, "down there."

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm

So, y'all are positive this couldn't be, you know, that Ron has those extra-long hairy brow thingies like Leonid Brezhnev or sump'n, and they all just clumped up and got stuck?

No, huh? OK, then. Just checking.

memzilla October 14, 2011 at 12:18 pm

LEPROSY! RUN!!!

And be really worried when the whole thing slides south, and you see the titanium exoskeleton and glowing red eyes…

Barb October 14, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Eyebrow toupees? It does make him look 20 years sillier.

Maman October 14, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Yeah. Why didn't he just draw them in like old ladies do?

Oblios_Cap October 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm

called accusations that he’d been artificially enhancing “stupid” and “insulting.”

Much like Ron Paul himself.

memzilla October 14, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Ron Paul has not "…been artificially enhancing 'stupid' and 'insulting.'

He is genuinely 'stupid' and 'insulting.'

Generation[redacted] October 14, 2011 at 12:28 pm

In this sport, it doesn't matter how naturally stupid and insulting you are, you have to enhance to compete! There's a reason why they call it "doping."

OzoneTom October 14, 2011 at 12:26 pm

In all fairness to Dr. Paul, at least no one is suggesting that it is a hidden receiver to feed him information as was the case of Bush the Lesser's debate hump.

Generation[redacted] October 14, 2011 at 1:16 pm

The team assigned to covertly feed him information went out for drinks. They left the mike on a tape loop while they were away.

nounverb911 October 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm

“Dr. Paul’s allergies acted up a touch,”
How does one sneeze through an eyebrow?

justkillmenow October 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Is it possible to sneeze so hard an eyebrow falls off? I have sneezed a contact lens out of my eye, but never lost an eyebrow.

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Guess that's better than sneezing so hard you shit your pants.

justkillmenow October 14, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Please let that happen during the next debate. To one of them, not me. And I don't even care which one.

neiltheblaze October 14, 2011 at 12:52 pm

On the other hand, there's a lot to be said for targeting.

Rotundo_ October 14, 2011 at 8:05 pm

It probably happened to Walnuts last time, but nobody noticed or cared. Unless a load drops on the stage it will be just another Repub debate. Even if it did drop on live television someone would just claim it was notes slipping off the podium or some stupid stuff like that.

elviouslyqueer October 14, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Oh, where is the next debate being held? Because I'm seeing a snowblower full of pollen, dust, ragweed, and assorted dander being dispatched there pronto.

Terry October 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

That's why Depends were invented.

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm

I once sneezed so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eyeball. The ER nurse was very dismissive. "Happens to pregnant women all the time," she said. "You can go home now, it goes away by itself. "

Dr_Zoidberg October 14, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Years of practice.

Nostrildamus October 14, 2011 at 12:39 pm

How does one sneeze through an eyebrow?

God, you're so beaten down by government regulation you don't have any idea what men can accomplish in a truly free society!

Infrogmation October 15, 2011 at 1:11 pm

With a truly free market and the government off our backs, all things are possible!

Chillwaver October 14, 2011 at 12:52 pm

It wouldn't be the first time a Paultard makes a bullshit excuse to try to cover up Gandolf's shortcomings, would it?

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 4:16 pm

How DARE you question the ONLY honest candidate in the Corporatocracy! Ron Paul 2012 FOREVAH! Tears rolling down my cheeks, this 6'6" 350 lb guy is not ashamed to declare The Ron Paul REVOLution!

SorosBot October 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm

As a man who has too pluck my too-bushy eyebrows, I wonder why the fuck anyone lucky enough to have thin eyebrows would want to make them look bigger and uglier.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 14, 2011 at 12:25 pm

I'm in the same boat. When I get a hair cut I have them trim the brows other wise it would like wooly bears were eating my face. Is there a market for eyebrow hair?

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Given the nature of this article, I'd have to say "yes."

SorosBot October 14, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Apparently, and you probably get paid in gold.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 16, 2011 at 4:44 am

Yes, and it's a free market.

GunToting[Redacted] October 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Did you see the article in Murdock's dishrag about soldiers getting their eyebrows threaded and manscaped?

El Pinche October 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm

I'm no tranny expert, but I have a theory.

Barb October 14, 2011 at 12:30 pm

I cut Jeffery's hair every other Monday and I trim his brows with tiny little cuticle scissors. I think that when I grow up I want to be Jeffery.

AJWjr. October 14, 2011 at 12:46 pm

I have it on good authority this is the reason they let Andy Rooney go from 60 Minutes. Had absolutely nothing to do with him being half past dead, or that nobody under 80 watches their show, nope–it was his eyebrows.

Not_So_Much October 14, 2011 at 12:53 pm

This is probably the Libertarian symbiotic organism trying to re-enter whats left of his frontal lobe.

MzNicky October 14, 2011 at 8:01 pm

I tried to "plus" this twice, but unlike Dimmocrat voting machines the Wonkette wouldn't let me. Eh, kids these days!, who never heard of Patty Hearst and all. Anyways, I LOL'd, a lot.

Limeylizzie October 14, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Hey SorosBot, try threading, it is amazing, if there are any Indians, Arabs, Pakistanis , Armenians or Persians in your 'hood you will be able to do it.

anteater October 14, 2011 at 12:20 pm

John Galt never wore no damn ersatz eyebrow fur.
Did his insurance cover it?

hagajim October 14, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Is this a Galtian slip?

WunkRocker October 14, 2011 at 1:44 pm

I have a good source (a.k.a I made this up) that swears he paid for his brow merkins with socialist medicare.

weejee October 14, 2011 at 12:21 pm

“Dr. Paul’s allergies acted up a touch,” Mr. Benton said in an explanation that might raise some, you know, questions.

Dr. Paul must think we are all suffering from hayseed fever.

BTW Wonkette's own Limeylizzie scoped that out during our real time debate blog.

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 14, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Indeed she did, indefatigable and scrupulous adjudicator of tonsorial authenticity that she is.

Limeylizzie October 14, 2011 at 1:02 pm

I thought someone else spotted it and I commented on it.

weejee October 14, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Yer right, io9k9s made the 1st post, you were second. That what happens when oldes like V572 & I try to fish something from our short term data banks.

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 14, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Whu?

prommie October 14, 2011 at 1:19 pm

I have multiple excuses for short-term memory weakness, myself. Wait, what was I talking about? Mmmmmm, boobs!

user-of-owls October 14, 2011 at 1:20 pm

No no, you senile old goats. Lizzie spotted the apparent shedding of Shelley's eyelashes falling off, thus identifying a potential source for Ron's mysterious bit of fuzz.

The causal circle was completed by an astute observer who noted, "Like the swallows to Capistrano, [Shelley's eyelashes are] migrating to Ron's eyebrows."

HarryButtle October 14, 2011 at 12:21 pm

A forehead merkin?

ttommyunger October 14, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Silly Wonkette; that is just the latest fashion trend: migrating mustaches. Move along, nothing to see here.

RedneckMuslin October 14, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Build the dang fence!

ttommyunger October 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

“Spit!”

MaxNeanderthal October 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm

You know western civilisation is in the shitter when it's leaders(?) feel the need to wear false fuckin' eyebrows!! What in the name of the bloated bowels of Beelzebub is going on…
And don't tell me it worked for Leonid Brezhnev- he was clinically dead for the last half of his life anyway, and "everyone" knows hair keeps growing on a corpse.

ttommyunger October 14, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Hmmm. Mine seems to have predeceased me.

proudgrampa October 14, 2011 at 12:22 pm

What in hell do his allergies have to do with a drooping eyebrow??? Spokesperson fail.

hagajim October 14, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Apparently he was allergic to the glue that would actually hold the thing in place so they just threw some Elmers on there.

Maman October 14, 2011 at 2:19 pm

The spokesperson was following the John T. Buse law of answers: A fast answer is better than a correct one. The speed gives a sense of confidence.

proudgrampa October 14, 2011 at 2:28 pm

LOL!

ProudLibunatic October 14, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Really.

ShaveTheWhales October 14, 2011 at 4:04 pm

#notintendedtobeacoherentstatement

Oblios_Cap October 14, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Seen on television, Mr. Paul appeared to have a second, thinner brow under the one headed south, creating a delicate X over his right eye.

Obviously pandering to the Manson Family Values Voters.

Generation[redacted] October 14, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Trying to steal away Shelly's base, eh?

Oblios_Cap October 14, 2011 at 12:37 pm

I didn't realize that Squeaky had endorsed The Shrew…

prommie October 14, 2011 at 12:23 pm

I wonder if he wears underarm merkins?

hagajim October 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

I think they are called pitwigs.

RedneckMuslin October 14, 2011 at 12:23 pm

I for one , welcome our Testeronian overlords!

hagajim October 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Or is that Testerossian? Heck I'd take a Testerossa.

Sue4466 October 14, 2011 at 12:23 pm

If Paul is using fake eyebrows that is still the most sane thing about the batshit old buzzard.

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Needs more unibrow.

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 14, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Remember Brezhnev? Now that was a unibrow! Eat your heart out, Putin!

powersuit October 14, 2011 at 12:39 pm

That's where he kept the missle codes.

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 14, 2011 at 12:41 pm

The Berlin Wall and the Iron Curtain could not come down until this mighty hedge was uprooted.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 16, 2011 at 4:49 am

"Mr. Brezhnev, tear down that hedge!" never did work, did it?

slowhansolo October 14, 2011 at 12:24 pm

He apparently has constitutional issues if he needs to look younger.

ManchuCandidate October 14, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Another failure of the invisible hand to keep all brows afloat.

El Pinche October 14, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Hiding his thin eye brows? Conservative? Christian? I smell a tranny.

Barb October 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

And what does a Tranny smell like?

Fare la Volpe October 14, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Maybelline and silicone.

Rotundo_ October 14, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Well, your automatics usually smell like Type F or Dexron, or sometimes like Mercon automatic transmission fluid. Your manual boxes smell like 20W-80 gear lube and get pretty ripe. Oh, we aren't talking about car parts here are we? My bad, I guess they probably smell a whole lot nicer than a manual transmission taken apart does, probably better than an automatic too, especially one that has had the clutches burned out on it.

Cicada October 14, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I'm guessing drag queen too. Nothing gives away your weekends spent as Tequila Mockingbird like a pencil thin brow.

proudgrampa October 14, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Speaking of creepy eyes, if my "Soulmate" looked like the bigeyed freak to the right, I would know that I had died and gone to hell.

Oblios_Cap October 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Kortney? But she "loves" her some vegatables!

proudgrampa October 14, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Nah, this wasn't Kortney. This was some other ad that temporarily pops up.

I love Kortney!

Chichikovovich October 14, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Smokey the bear?

bagofmice October 14, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Times are tough for the lizard people.

hebmskebm October 14, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Of course, the lamesteam media would rather talk about this than discuss Ron Paul's political positions.

Which is as it should be, because Ron Paul's political positions are staggeringly fucktarded.

GunToting[Redacted] October 14, 2011 at 12:25 pm

That's Un-a-merkin!

tribbzthesquidz October 14, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Caterpillar libel!

Crank_Tango October 14, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Well I hope you have a spare thing of candy beans!

RedneckMuslin October 14, 2011 at 12:26 pm

“Dr. Paul’s allergies acted up a touch,”

It's a feather?

JustPixelz October 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Toupees? He don't need no stinking toupees. Not when he can join Eyebrow Club for Men™ and have eyebrows that stand up to wind, swimming and a lady's touch.

"I tried everything else. But Eyebrow Club for Men™ really works!"
–RP, Texas

Call today. You'll be glad you did.

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 14, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Or Rogaine®©™. It stimulates eyebrow growth on 85 percent of "guys." The others go blind when it drips into their eye sockets, but all meds have side effects.

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm

I think this happened to Seth Brundle/Jeff Goldblum in that movie The Fly.

johnnyzhivago October 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Yeah, I always grow random facial hair when the pollen season kicks in.

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 12:31 pm

For me it's a migratory thing. Some days I wake up and my moustache is under my left nipple and my beard has moved to my elbow.

RedneckMuslin October 14, 2011 at 12:28 pm

He's lucky. My forehead is sliding down my back.

rambone October 14, 2011 at 12:29 pm

A Republican, non-interventionist, Groucho Marxist?

Truly a man of contradictions.

DashboardBuddha October 14, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Say the secret woid and get a Republican nomination!

ManchuCandidate October 14, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Should have gone Palin and tattooed eyebrows on…

baconzgood October 14, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Nose afro or GTFO!

DahBoner October 14, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Most OLDS already have bushes growing in their noses and ears…

johnnyzhivago October 14, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Not half as bad as Santorum's false pubic hair.

hagajim October 14, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Or his Santorum.

hagajim October 14, 2011 at 12:31 pm

I tell ya….its tough to be a Merkin in these tough economic times….WTF Ron?

SayItWithWookies October 14, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Nothing to see here — Dr. Representative Ron Paul is just letting potential candidates for his eyebrow duke it out in the free market. It's a principle he's upheld ever since he consumed his identical twin in the womb.

JackDempsey1 October 14, 2011 at 12:32 pm

More plausible explanation:
Facial hair caught in dirigible down-draft.

hagajim October 14, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Apparently the free market stiffed the good doctor on eyebrows.

DahBoner October 14, 2011 at 10:27 pm

No, he waxes because he wants to appear more alien-like…

Chillwaver October 14, 2011 at 12:32 pm

That damn Invisible Hand failed to tape the eyebrow back on…again!

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 14, 2011 at 12:32 pm

I also have problems with my eyebrows falling during high pollen count days!
To help, I recommend the 24 hr allergy relief of Allegra!

DahBoner October 14, 2011 at 10:26 pm

To help, I recommend the 24 hr allergy relief of Allegra!

Generic advice…

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 15, 2011 at 1:46 am

At least my eyebrows are now staying put!!!1!

Sharkey October 14, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Eyebrow rides, anyone?

DahBoner October 14, 2011 at 10:25 pm

NO WANTZ!

Sharkey October 14, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Oh come on, it's either this or santorum-face.

El Pinche October 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

More evidence that Ron Paul = Ru Paul.

DahBoner October 14, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Google Ron Paul and work it, honey!

El Pinche October 15, 2011 at 7:37 pm

sashe shantay!!!

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Forget the eyebrows, look at his dried up little hand-claw… now that's scary!

DahBoner October 14, 2011 at 10:24 pm

NEVER LOOK AT THE HAND CLAW!!!

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 15, 2011 at 1:46 am

Why doesn't anyone ever tell me these things????

Biel_ze_Bubba October 16, 2011 at 10:50 am

I thought it was supposed to be invisible.

Nostrildamus October 14, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Paul's a trend setter. He was also sagging, but you couldn't see it because of the podium. Soon all this kids will be "lashing".

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 12:36 pm

A wink is as good as a nod to a blind man.

DahBoner October 14, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Your wife a sport, eh?

jus_wonderin October 14, 2011 at 12:38 pm

This reminds me of the time I had a rogue white eyebrow. It stood out like a freakin' unicorn horn. My task, that morning, was to pluck it. But, having progressive lens I couldn't quite focus on that varmit well enough to grapple it with the tweezers. It probably too 20 minutes to find the correct angle of the head and the right section of my glasses to peer though.

I finally got it though. It must have been an inch and a half long.

Aging is not pretty. Especially when aging means things you want to sprout don't. Things you don't; do.

paris biltong October 14, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Try wearing your glasses upside down.

Nostrildamus October 14, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Yeah, yeah, blame it all on the progressives.

Limeylizzie October 14, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I have a hair on my chin that is jet black, stiff as a paint brush and about 3 inches long, I am always after it with the tweezers.

prommie October 14, 2011 at 1:22 pm

I hate when I get those long antennae sprouting out of my eyebrows. And do they just "sproing" out in the night, growing an inch in one swoop? Or is this an eyesight problem?

Fare la Volpe October 14, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Why did that turn me on?

Limeylizzie October 14, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Because when perfect beauty has a flaw it makes it even more alluring?

Rotundo_ October 14, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Ah the universal rule of aging, everything gets heavier, hairier and lower to the ground. Growing old sucks, but not as much as the alternative.

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2011 at 12:38 pm

I just assumed he was being attacked by an angry caterpillar.

GorzoTheMighty October 14, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Frida Kahlo of the unibrow is not amused.

DahBoner October 14, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Needz moar monkey on shoulder….

arihaya October 14, 2011 at 12:39 pm

invisible hands of the free market are giving him facial disaster

slowhansolo October 14, 2011 at 12:40 pm

NYT fashion section? Tits on a boar.

Mumbletypeg October 14, 2011 at 12:42 pm

whose face began partially melting

That you, Jim Newell?

powersuit October 14, 2011 at 12:46 pm

It looks like he has a couple of mouse pelts taped to his head.

*BTW, how the heck do I embed a link in a comment?
(http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2011/10/17/111017sh_shouts_pearson)

Tundra Grifter October 14, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Your link didn't work for me – but your comment was hilarious!

jus_wonderin October 14, 2011 at 12:53 pm

I too, have longed to embed a link in a comment.

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 12:53 pm
powersuit October 14, 2011 at 1:01 pm

basic html? Awesome! It's like 1995 all over again (and note the eyebrows!)

smokefilleddoommate October 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Here's that link… (court of versailles dictates fashion, correct?)

Btw, I use < a href=" link goes here "> text goes here < /a > without the spaces in between the quotes or spaces before or after the carats.

Nostrildamus October 14, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Other folks have described the native HTML method for linking, but some sites (e.g. Wikipedia) have shorthand for creating links using square brackets or some such. Is there are such shorthand for links here on ButtsecksForum Wonkette?

Thanks, also.

OneYieldRegular October 14, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Allergies to what? Fake-eyebrow glue?

Tundra Grifter October 14, 2011 at 12:50 pm

The Eyebrow Hall of Fame:

John L. Lewis (labor organizer – look him up)

Andy Rooney

Brook Shields

prommie October 14, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Brook used to look like she had a pair of shoe polish brushes stuck on her forehead. You know what that means, don't you?

chicken_thief October 14, 2011 at 1:02 pm

That she could blow you and polish your belly at same time?

prommie October 14, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Close; if you put your shoes on your belly she could blow you and polish your shoes at the same time.

Generation[redacted] October 14, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Rod Sterling. His eyebrows were… unearthly.

Tundra Grifter October 14, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Great call! How could I forget him?

His daughter was briefly in my grade school. She drew a picture of a four-legged chicken.

GOPCrusher October 14, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Bill Jauss.
His one eyebrow was so long, he used it as part of the comb over to cover his bald pate.

baconzgood October 14, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Dander causes your eye brow to fall off. C'mon people he's a DR. It's science.

Indiepalin October 14, 2011 at 12:58 pm

If Paul is caught eyebrow juicing, then he needs to suspended indefinitely and disqualified from the Hall of Fame.

SheriffRoscoe October 14, 2011 at 12:58 pm

"We should be like 1900," Paul said. "We put up with things all the time. Having our debates broadcast over the radio because teevees weren't invented yet, why, we wouldn't be talking about wearing rugs over our eyebrows at all."

user-of-owls October 14, 2011 at 1:25 pm

If it was 1900 and he was in a radio debate, he'd use a fake tonsil.

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 1:26 pm

"…or onions on our belts."

fartknocker October 14, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I'll put up with this fugly eyebrows so long as he doesn't start wearing those God awful khaki shorts his son Rand wears. My dining room table legs look better than Rand's legs.

chicken_thief October 14, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I like that split eyebrow look.

~ Mike Tyson

elviouslyqueer October 14, 2011 at 1:02 pm

“Those glues are almost indestructible,” Ms. De Haydu said. “So whoever put it on for him did not put it on correctly.”

The same could be said for whoever was assigned to attach Ron's balls.

James Michael Curley October 14, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Allergy season has been hell in the North East this year. I sneezed the other day and blew all the air supporting my skeletal frame out the other end of my body.

jus_wonderin October 14, 2011 at 1:11 pm

WIN

SheriffRoscoe October 14, 2011 at 1:08 pm

This same exact thing happened on I Love Lucy. Lucy wanted to be on Ricky's show and he wuddan leh her, so she masqueraded as a man and did well until the hot lights began to melt her disguise, resulting in comedy. Ron Paul is old enough to have seen that episode.

Indiepalin October 14, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Ron Paul is old enough to have inspired that episode.

RadioOcupados October 14, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Either way, it resulted in wacky antic comedy.

MzNicky October 14, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Was that the one where she caught her fake nose on fire with a cigarette lighter? No?

BlueStateLibel October 14, 2011 at 1:08 pm

GOPeers are way weirder than I ever could have imagined.

littlebigdaddy October 14, 2011 at 1:10 pm

You know who else had unusual facial hair?

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Billy Gibbons, Dusty Hill, and Frank Beard? Oh wait, scratch Frank.

smokefilleddoommate October 14, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Wolf Boy?

Generation[redacted] October 14, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Certainly not Syd Barrett.

RadioOcupados October 14, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Oh, oh, I know this one….the greatest monster of all time probably, Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin.

GOPCrusher October 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Werewolves of London?

MzNicky October 14, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Sarah Palin? No? Michelle Bachmann?

chascates October 14, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Everything is disintegrating! Pat Buchanan's new book tells all! http://www.drudgereport.com/flashpb.htm
SUICIDE OF A SUPERPOWER
"Will America Survive to 2025?"

Chapter 1: The Passing of a Superpower
Chapter 2. The End of Christian America
Chapter 3. The Crisis of Catholicism
Chapter 4. The End of White America
Chapter 5. Demographic Winter

And on and on. Game over people!

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Think I'll just grab my pearls and swoon.

Can't wait till Wonkette Book Club reviews this.

Chet Kincaid October 14, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Pat Buchanan is a disgusting, Nazi sack of shit.

I could use his chapter titles to write a book declaring that white people are America's biggest problem, also.

GOPCrusher October 14, 2011 at 2:43 pm

#2,668 on the Amazon hit parade? I think Bristol Palin's autobiography did better than that.

LiveToServeYa October 14, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Alien, yes. Cyborg, not so much. Unless he is a drastically malfunctioning cyborg. In other words, a cyborg using a Windows operating system.

littlebigdaddy October 14, 2011 at 1:15 pm

or DOS

Chet Kincaid October 14, 2011 at 1:15 pm

You know who ELSE wore fake eyebrows while conspiring against the President?!

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Burt Lancaster in Seven Days in May?

imissopus October 14, 2011 at 1:23 pm

David Ferrie?

Chet Kincaid October 14, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Ding!

prommie October 14, 2011 at 1:29 pm

That strange character that was part of Jim Garrison's kennedy conspiracy theory? The one with the obvious orange wig and painted on eyebrows?

Chet Kincaid October 14, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Dingding! I'm just sayin', was Ron Paul ever in a Civil Air Patrol unit in Louisiana as a young man?

UW8316154 October 15, 2011 at 9:58 am

He hasn't denied it!

Generation[redacted] October 14, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Inspector Clouseau?

"My face! You've stolen my face! Give me back my face, you fiend! "

smokefilleddoommate October 14, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Squeaky Fromme?

meatlofer October 14, 2011 at 1:18 pm

I'll bet they were made in China,from dog hair,unborn dog hair!

HobbesEvilTwin October 14, 2011 at 1:21 pm

This is the most important presidential campaign news since Gennifer Flowers!!eleven!!1</bold>[text]<exclamation>!!!

prommie October 14, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Boinking Gennifer Flowers = proof you are a normal, healthy male with appropriate desires. Wearing fake eyebrows = proof you are batshit insane crackpot.

Extemporanus October 14, 2011 at 1:29 pm

"We should have a system of economics that is structure, that is organic tools. We do not have it. We are all hanging by our eyebrows from skyhooks economically, just as we are architecturally."

- Frank Lloyd Wright (really!)

Papa_Uniform October 14, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Cut Ron a little slack. He's just trying to look like what he thinks we think he should look like. And, God bless him, he does.

prommie October 14, 2011 at 1:32 pm

You know who ELSE brings up Clinton's mistresses whenever their candidate's batshit craziness is brought up?

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Every single fucking Republican on the planet?

SheriffRoscoe October 14, 2011 at 1:50 pm

That old friend from high school who found you on facebook and seems to have gone off the deep end during the intervening years?

RadioOcupados October 14, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Linda Tripp?

ShaveTheWhales October 14, 2011 at 4:19 pm

All of them, Katie. (sorry)

DemonicRage October 14, 2011 at 1:33 pm

The economy is in the tank. The Euro may crash and send Markets tumbling further South, and all we can focus on is whether one of the Republican candidates tried to hide the fact that he has thinning eyebrows. Remember those photos of Mao swimming that turned out to be photoshopped? The Chinese would never have permitted an Imperial Lord to be embarrassed the way that our free press has caused Grandad Ron Paul to have been.

user-of-owls October 14, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Ming the Merciless > Ron the Hopeless.

CountryClubJihadi October 14, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Ron Paul/Beyonce 2012

chascates October 14, 2011 at 1:41 pm

I read that his son is now replacing Joe Lieberman in the McCain-Graham-Xxxxxx triumvirate (Jobs Through Growth Act). With Joe shuffling off in the sunset the group needs another to thwart the Senate and democracy in general.

Goonemeritus October 14, 2011 at 1:44 pm

There are very few senior men that need to augment their eyebrows. The opposite is certainly true for me (without weekly thinning I look like Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev). The only exception I have found is a dude that had a serious mishap while free-basing in the 90's.

UW8316154 October 15, 2011 at 10:00 am

You know Richard Pryor?!

smokefilleddoommate October 14, 2011 at 1:49 pm

That pose suggests that he's trying to appear interested in something–anything else other than his eyebrow falling off.

Poindexter718 October 14, 2011 at 1:57 pm

It's well known that Dr. Paul acquired Friedrich Hayek's eyebrows from a mutual acquaintance (a Viennese prostitute) and dons them for special occassions.

Antispandex October 14, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Allergies? The American people expect their President to be able to lie much better than that, Mr Paul.

gullywompr October 14, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Stupid tard – porn brows went out in the 70's.

smokefilleddoommate October 14, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Bumper Sticker: got brow?

Thurman Munster IV October 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm

His original eyebrows went Galt and he had to do something

weejee October 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

OT

Over at the Saloon, they have a nice bit on the CIA's keeping the FBI out of the loop on two fine Saudi lads who would help fly an aeroplane into the Pentagon. They close with a reminder that Mittens' chief adviser on counter-terrorism is the psychodouche Cofer Black, who was the supervisor at the CIA of the folks who worked so hard to keep future 9/11 airplane hijackers Khalid al-Mihdhar and Nawaf al-Hazmi from getting scooped-up by the FBI.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi October 14, 2011 at 2:25 pm

mystery now solved in brand new TV ad buy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed

birdsofa October 14, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Anyone else think Stan Sitwell when the saw this pic?
http://arresteddevelopment.wikia.com/wiki/Stan_Si

MissTaken October 14, 2011 at 2:43 pm

If you're gonna take the time to pick out some fake eyebrows and then glue them on to your face why not pick some that at least match the hair on top of your head?

Neoyorquino October 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Commander Amarao approves: http://flcl.wikia.com/wiki/Commander_Amarao

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 4:14 pm

I didn't even know you could *get* eyebrow wigs. Say … anyone up for depantsing Ron Paul in front of the debate cameras? Anybody?

glamourdammerung October 14, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Invisible Hand fail.

obfuscator2 October 14, 2011 at 6:53 pm

so marcus bachmann's beard wasn't the only hair-based deception on the stage that night?

owhatever October 14, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Devil Hair! Needs a trim, but we can't afford it.

jean-philippe October 14, 2011 at 8:07 pm

I'm sure his son can find him a curly eyebrow wig if he asks.

DahBoner October 14, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Probably one of the well-known side-effects of legalized heroin

Sharkey October 14, 2011 at 11:30 pm

I bet Bachmann's iBrows are fake too!

Soylent Green October 15, 2011 at 2:10 pm

When asked about the hardships of the people, swivel eyebrow upward to 'Sympathy Mode'.

weejee October 14, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Is it happy hour yet?

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 14, 2011 at 2:25 pm

That's what I remembered! Or didn't remember! Why can't MSM get the story right? They always miss the important issues. Or does this mean that Miche1e is now more marginal than Obstetro-Congressman Paul?

LesBontemps October 14, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Isn't it always?

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