THE JESUS PEOPLE  7:25 pm October 13, 2011

Rick Perry’s Wife Concludes Everyone Hates Him Because He Is Christian

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Can't save you now, Rick.Where has Rick Perry been hiding? Why does everyone hate him now? Is it for the most obvious reason that he is a weird toad who ritually tortures hair products and most often looks like he is asleep every time he tries to get a few words out in a debate? NO, WORSE: he refuses to show up on the teevee. He did only two interviews with CNBC between the last two GOP debates, on account of being a coward. And if there is exactly one kind of person that the tense crowd of teabagger Americans must fear and distrust as a rule — right after the Muslins – it is someone who hates teevee. (Conversely, this is why teabaggers love Herman Cain, who has been on the kable programz 999,999 times in the last two weeks.) But, eh, that sounds like a very *reasonable* explanation, which is against the Bible. Rick’s wife Anita has a different, more insane take on the whole situation: Americans hate Rick Perry, it turns out, because Americans hate Jesus. 

SO LOOK, EVERYBODY. Jesus picked Rick Perry to be President, you know, the actual Jesus guy in charge of Earth, but apparently nobody reads Jesus’s spam letter voter memos anymore. Therefore, GO TO HELL, sayeth Anita Perry:  ”We are being brutalized by our opponents, and our own party. So much of that is, I think they look at him, because of his faith. He is the only true conservative – well, there are some true conservatives. And they’re there for good reasons. And they may feel like God called them too. But I truly feel like we are here for that purpose.”

Suck it, rest of the GOP field. You’re a squirmy pile of false idols, admit it.

Aaaand — for fun — a little more weirdness from Anita Perry, via MSNBC:

She likened Perry’s decision to run to encountering a “burning bush,” a reference to the Biblical story of Moses receiving a sign from God. And Anita Perry suggested that her husband’s current difficulties were a “test.”

“Last week, someone came up to Rick and gave him the scripture. He said Rick, I want to tell you God is testing you,” she said.

Haha, that’s kind of cute. God is testing Rick Perry! No, not really. It is Rick Perry who is doing the testing, to the teevee audiences, by refusing to speak to them. [Scripps/ MSNBC]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 353 comments }

Not_So_Much October 13, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Time to convert to Mormonism.

mrpuma2u October 13, 2011 at 10:57 pm

They don't hate Jeebus Ricky, just you.

north_of_moscow October 13, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Perry claimed his wife talked him into running, so I'm confused by the burning bush analogy. Oh, wait….

snackypants October 13, 2011 at 7:51 pm

A course of antibiotics will usually cure the burning bush and the running.

spends2much October 13, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Plus, it was a sacrifice for him, because you know he didn't want to go anywhere NEAR that thing!

Jukesgrrl October 13, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Shades of Marcus Bachmann.

jus_wonderin October 14, 2011 at 11:35 am

Shades? I say drapes.

Toomush_Infer October 13, 2011 at 9:12 pm

it itches!…

gizdal October 14, 2011 at 9:54 am

his wife has a burning bush, thass why he ain't had time to appear on tv to tell us more about jesus. hey weren't that great the way jesus solved the drought problem in dry & drier texas? boy that jesus baby can work wonders for idiots.

chicken_thief October 14, 2011 at 10:21 am

If I was Anita, I would avoid any references to burning, whether it be her bush or the natural environment that they used to have, in the Great State of Tejas.

Dashboard_Jesus October 15, 2011 at 12:21 am

well it sure as hell wasn't ME that told the fucking moron to run for President, he's obviously listening to the wrong bush, dumb cunt

Blendergoathead October 13, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Tell her to call me – I have a list of additional things about him that would curl her toes.

NellCote71 October 13, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Either her toes or her burning bush.

fuflans October 13, 2011 at 7:32 pm

so that makes herman cain the golden calf?

and i'll leave the burning bush jokes to the rest of you.

poncho_pilot October 14, 2011 at 8:58 am

golden calf in a golden corral.

DashboardBuddha October 14, 2011 at 9:16 am

Burning bush? Is that what happens after Ricky gets a fresh supply of Viagra?

chicken_thief October 14, 2011 at 10:22 am

999 is easy to remember.

hagajim October 13, 2011 at 7:32 pm

I don't hate Li'l Ricky…I just think he is a dumb turdhole.

iburl October 13, 2011 at 7:46 pm

Obviously he's not been your governor for 11 years and counting.

NellCote71 October 13, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Amen to that.

bikerlaureate October 13, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Orifice Libel !!!1!

emmelemm October 13, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Turdholes are useful, amirite?

Crank_Tango October 13, 2011 at 9:37 pm

u bet your sweet ass they are!

emmelemm October 13, 2011 at 9:45 pm

I never leave home without mine, that's for sure.

Sue4466 October 13, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Someone gave Perry "scripture" and a burning bush? I'm so confused. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

donner_froh October 13, 2011 at 7:35 pm

If there is anyone who can't get a fair hearing in Amerikka, it is a wealthy white Christian male.

bikerlaureate October 13, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Thank you. THANK YOU for coming right out and saying it. The LIE-brul media and the Google are ruining everything great about the C.S.A. – er, U.S.A.

Jukesgrrl October 13, 2011 at 10:50 pm

1% Libel.

schvitzatura October 14, 2011 at 3:32 am

999% libel?

glamourdammerung October 13, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Poor, persecuted, supermajority. Not letting them use the weight of the state to push their deviant lifestyle choices down everyone's throat is JUST. LIKE. THE. HOLOCAUST.

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 12:15 am

Pete? Pete Hoekstra? Is that you?

glamourdammerung October 14, 2011 at 2:12 am

Why? Do I come off like a foreigner that is trying to scapegoat American Muslims to hide some kind of sinister Dutch plot that probably involves tulips and fingers in dykes?

Funny how he knew we found those weapons of mass destruction when he told the press all about it, yet they were nowhere to be found when the military looked. I think we should waterboard the tuliphumper just to be sure he is not a terrorist.

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 9:52 am

"some kind of sinister Dutch plot that probably involves tulips and fingers in dykes?"

Must… not… make… bad… pun…

Doktor Zoom October 14, 2011 at 10:07 am

Let's Get America Out Of Dutch!!!!

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 12:13 pm

"Tuliphumper"? I am SO stealing THAT.

You're cute when you rant. Just FYI.

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 9:51 am

"is JUST. LIKE. THE. HOLOCAUST."

And it is also victimizing Sarah Palin, also too.

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Funny, we haven't heard zilch from the usually loudly baying Hound of Wasilla lately. I wonder if she's gone for good?

Don't say her name again, let's see if she appears in the press anyway.

JackObin October 13, 2011 at 7:36 pm

I don't hate him, that would be unchristian. No, I quite dislike him because he is a stupid putz.

hellomynameisuser October 13, 2011 at 7:37 pm

the scary thing is that rick perry probably actually would cut the child in half to solve a custody dispute.

Schmannnity October 13, 2011 at 7:37 pm

And who could be behind it, could it be, oh, I don't know, could it be SATAN?

AJWjr. October 13, 2011 at 7:45 pm

((((SATAN?))))

emmelemm October 13, 2011 at 7:46 pm

{eyebrow raise}

Generation[redacted] October 13, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Feeling a burning sensation in your naughty bits? Well sometimes it takes a while.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 13, 2011 at 8:52 pm

I wish I had half the infuence people credit me with.

Chet Kincaid October 13, 2011 at 9:31 pm

False modesty is sinful. You could end up in…never mind.

poncho_pilot October 14, 2011 at 9:00 am

it's like that old saying, "idle hands jerk the Devil off."

OneYieldRegular October 13, 2011 at 7:37 pm

I would've thought Perryanity originated not via intervention by that whippersnapper Ocupado Jesus, but from that cranky, violent, Old Testament God. You know, the one who was always burning cities and causing floods and ordering people to kill their sons and such.

padremickey October 13, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Oh, you mean Mr. Smitey!!

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 9:55 am

That seems like it should be spoken in a Monty Python voice/accent.

ManchuCandidate October 13, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Being that Tejan isn't Jeebus' first language, things got messed up due to his broken Tejan twang. What Jeebus actually said was "Rick, you should run out for Pez."

Chichikovovich October 13, 2011 at 10:05 pm

And "Rick you ought to brush with Pepsodent"

Jukesgrrl October 13, 2011 at 10:53 pm

A similar thing used to happen to me. I would hear the words "President Bush" on the teevee and I would think they said, "Don't forget to flush."

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 9:56 am

I'm thinking that probably wasn't for accent-related reasons.

Sue4466 October 13, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Given our track record, it's not like this country could hate him for being a dumbass. So, it MUST be Jesus's fault.

Dashboard_Jesus October 15, 2011 at 12:57 am

hey now I told the dumbass NOT to listen to his bush, he's just to fuckin' stoopid to get it!

SarahsBush October 13, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Anita Perry: "My husband hasn't been on teevee enough lately to say wingnut shit, so let me throw a few things out there."

SorosBot October 13, 2011 at 7:40 pm

God is testing him, like Job? Then Anita better watch as, as well their kids.

Generation[redacted] October 13, 2011 at 7:45 pm

He's no Job. Job invented the personal computer. Then he was exiled from the walled garden of Apple to wander the desert until he was able to render the promised land in high def animation.

fuflans October 13, 2011 at 7:48 pm

genius.

NellCote71 October 13, 2011 at 10:36 pm

And well designed.

natoslug October 13, 2011 at 11:04 pm

I thought so too, until I discovered that my Safari Web Content typically ended up sucking up ~2.65GB of RAM by the end of the day. Anyone who allows that large a memory leak should just curl up and die! Er, too soon?

padremickey October 13, 2011 at 8:00 pm

And their livestock and homes. When God takes bets with ol' Satan, like he did on Job, well, it's really nasty sad!!

Biel_ze_Bubba October 13, 2011 at 8:54 pm

OK, there was that one time. But I have nothing to do with today's Job creators.

HistoriCat October 13, 2011 at 9:06 pm

None of them? Come on, how can so many 20-something douchebags make a million dollars a year without some sort of compact with the devil?

Or are you strictly working with artistic types these days? Lotta crossroads at midnight action?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 13, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Unregulated free markets have always done my work for me.

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 12:32 am

It's pretty noteworthy, Biely, that even YOU won't claim their acquaintance.

Schmannnity October 13, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Also his herds, and oxen, and asses, or at least, the singular of the latter.

donner_froh October 14, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Wasn't he the guy with the ark and all the animals?

Ohforcripessake October 13, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Some one should give him a copy of the 10 commandments. You know, the list that contains, "thou shalt not kill"?

starfanglednut October 13, 2011 at 9:12 pm

more upfists if i could

Spurning Beer October 13, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Rick is still working on not coveting his neighbor's ass.

poncho_pilot October 14, 2011 at 9:04 am

donkey show libel!

Chet Kincaid October 14, 2011 at 11:08 am

That commandment is not even internally consistent with the rest of the Old Testament, so it is no trump card.

Schmannnity October 13, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Nathan: "Where's your God now, Ricky?

schvitzatura October 14, 2011 at 3:36 am

Nathan, Dathan, what the diff, eh?

mayor_quimby October 14, 2011 at 4:20 am

God sent Ricky for milk and scratch-off lotto tix. http://www.deeptime.net/files/a4p/imgs/name_ricky

poncho_pilot October 14, 2011 at 9:06 am

he came back with magic beans.

Generation[redacted] October 13, 2011 at 7:41 pm

"He is the only true conservative"

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

bikerlaureate October 13, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Whoever's not with us is a'ginn us.

Salacious Crumb October 13, 2011 at 8:54 pm

I would pay cash money Ameros to see them battle it out and cut each others heads off in the "Primary".

Biel_ze_Bubba October 13, 2011 at 8:55 pm

One ding-a-ling to rule them all.

bagofmice October 13, 2011 at 11:04 pm

And in the Texas bind them? Please?

deanbooth October 13, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Perry has become a mere figurehead.

Generation[redacted] October 13, 2011 at 7:47 pm

That's the GOP. They have a figurehead in front and santorum in the rear.

Negropolis October 14, 2011 at 12:36 am

Become?

deanbooth October 14, 2011 at 7:49 am

I think my intended nigurehead reference was a bit too subtle.

GunToting[Redacted] October 14, 2011 at 10:25 am

I saw what you did there.

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 10:00 am

Figure?

SarahsBush October 13, 2011 at 7:42 pm

God: "The last Texas governor was clearly in no way a bad move on my part. Let's do this shit again!"

littlebigdaddy October 13, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Yeah, Anita, not surprised about the burning bush. A course of antibiotics should clear that up. And tell Ricky to quit with the barebacking.

weejee October 13, 2011 at 7:46 pm

And wear a condom when he's with the livestock?

hollywooddood October 13, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Stop making fun of Sarah.

Nostrildamus October 14, 2011 at 12:50 am

Is this her week in the gorilla suit?

emmelemm October 13, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Today we are all squirmy piles.

weejee October 13, 2011 at 7:48 pm

But has the squirm turned?

littlebigdaddy October 13, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Prep H will take care of that.

Nostrildamus October 14, 2011 at 12:53 am

That and an anthelmintic.

north_of_moscow October 13, 2011 at 7:44 pm

"I know you think God's talking to you, but he told me he's not."

Every thing good that has happened over the course of human history has been birthed from that little gem of a thought.

bikerlaureate October 13, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Two men say they're Jesus –
One of 'em must be wrong…

Chichikovovich October 13, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Actually there could be as many as three of them. But *four* – a quaternity – well, that would be just crazy talk.

bikerlaureate October 13, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Dashboard_Jesus October 15, 2011 at 1:06 am

yeah of course with four of us it would be tough to break a tie without SOMEBODY being cut in half

ShaveTheWhales October 14, 2011 at 1:29 am

Belated upfist for the Knopfler ref.

BaldarTFlagass October 13, 2011 at 7:44 pm

I hate him because his wife is a dumbass.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 13, 2011 at 7:51 pm

I believe the proper term is "beard."

Schmannnity October 13, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Birds of a feather . .

deelzebub October 14, 2011 at 12:03 am

Wear fabulous matching boas?

SarahsBush October 13, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Jesus: "Dad, to you forget to take your pills again?"

iburl October 13, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Rick Perry totally snubbed his Democratic opposition for the Gov race in 2010 and chickened out of ANY face to face debates, so that tells you how comfortable he is with his ability to think on his feet.
HE'S A FREAKING MORON SOMEBODY GET HIM OUT OF TEXAS, HELP

littlebigdaddy October 13, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Actually, Tejas sounds like the perfect place for him. Just keep him there, thanks.

iburl October 13, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Noooooooooooo!

Jukesgrrl October 13, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Oh, c'mon. You're used to that shit.

Negropolis October 14, 2011 at 12:38 am

Bill White was really doing God's work, wasn't he?

mull_man October 13, 2011 at 7:45 pm

A test? That can't be good news.

Mumbletypeg October 13, 2011 at 7:45 pm

I dunno, Anita, could the burning bush scripture have been, you know, a possible reference to the fact THE STATE YOUR HUSBAND GOVERNS has endured wildfire-inducing drought and scorching temperatures? Or the rumors kindled by Larry Flynt, not necessarily without grounds, that your hubby *is* a flamer? But no, you go with a lame persecution complex divination. Effin' wise up and quit bleating around the bush.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 13, 2011 at 7:46 pm

You know who else America hated because of his faith?

ManchuCandidate October 13, 2011 at 7:48 pm

OBL?

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 14, 2011 at 1:20 am

ODB – Old Dirty Bastard?

littlebigdaddy October 13, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Al Smith?

Amo_of_Bogio October 13, 2011 at 7:49 pm

JFK?

Schmannnity October 13, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Chester The Molester, high priest of NAMBLA?

donner_froh October 13, 2011 at 7:58 pm

Sitting Bull?

GlowneyHouse October 13, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Anton LaVey?

ProgressiveInga October 13, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Jim Bakkkkkkkkker?

HistoriCat October 13, 2011 at 9:09 pm

No, he was an asshole.

bikerlaureate October 13, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Tim McGraw?

No, wait…

Jukesgrrl October 13, 2011 at 10:59 pm

No, Tim Tebow. (Somebody had to say it. But seriously, I WISH!)

mourningnmerica October 13, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Perry may be gay, but I certainly cannot penetrate his mind.

Schmannnity October 13, 2011 at 8:28 pm

hey hey hey, he said penetrate.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 13, 2011 at 9:17 pm

I'm surprised at all of you. The correct answer is:

Muslim Barack Obama.

ProgressiveInga October 13, 2011 at 9:35 pm

I thought real Americans hate him 'cause he's black(ish).

SorosBot October 13, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Thomas Paine?

LetUsBray October 13, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Phred Phelch?

Doktor Zoom October 13, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Richard Dawkins?

Jukesgrrl October 13, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Jello Biafra?

comrad_darkness October 13, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Homer Simpson?

not that Dewey October 14, 2011 at 12:25 am

George Michael?

ShaveTheWhales October 14, 2011 at 1:31 am

Oddly enough, Jimmy Carter.

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 14, 2011 at 1:32 am

Joseph Smith?

DeathofKoalas October 14, 2011 at 8:46 am

This is one of these times where we all try not to mention Hitler, right?

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 10:05 am

Satan?

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 10:08 am

Several hundred women in Salem, Massachusetts?

GunToting[Redacted] October 14, 2011 at 10:29 am

26 replies, and you all miss the obvious…

All of them, Katie.

Ramon X October 14, 2011 at 11:38 am

Joe The Plumber?

donner_froh October 13, 2011 at 7:46 pm

Cain dominates airwaves as Perry goes dark

Going dark has worked pretty well for Cain–looks like Perry might finally have a clue.

littlebigdaddy October 13, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Once you go black, you never go back…applies to the GOP primaries?

weejee October 13, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Wasn't Joan of Arc another burning bush?

ManchuCandidate October 13, 2011 at 7:50 pm

No. Christina Hendricks!!

Chet Kincaid October 14, 2011 at 11:34 am

Does the ground cover match the leaves?

Mumbletypeg October 13, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Now mind your ladygarden epithets. Lest we end up with a flowering inferno.

snackypants October 13, 2011 at 7:47 pm

News flash: Rick Perry actually *has* a wife?!?!? I think I was the last one to get the memo.

Pres.Libunatic October 13, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Namaste, Ricky Boy.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 13, 2011 at 7:48 pm

His wife has a point. You can often tell the most genuine followers of Jesus by how many people they have executed.

GuanoFaucet October 13, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Well, I hate Perry because he's a christofascist moron, so I guess his wife is partially correct.

fuflans October 13, 2011 at 7:51 pm

why does every one of these tools think they are god's chosen one?

do they think god is a complete jackass?

LetUsBray October 13, 2011 at 9:44 pm

We create god in our own image, so… Yes.

Doktor Zoom October 13, 2011 at 9:57 pm

They said, "Lord, a plague is on the world
Lord, no man is free
The temples that we built to you
Have tumbled into the sea
Lord, if you won't take care of us
Won't you please, please let us be?"
And the Lord said
And the Lord said
I burn down your cities-how blind you must be
I take from you your children and you say how blessed are we
You all must be crazy to put your faith in me
That's why I love mankind
You really need me
That's why I love mankind

ShaveTheWhales October 14, 2011 at 1:32 am

Why yes, yes they do.

Edit: well fuck, Dok, of course Randy said it better.

MzNicky October 14, 2011 at 2:46 pm

"do they think god is a complete jackass?"

Well? Isn't he?

BaldarTFlagass October 13, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Anita? Anita Hanjob? Is that you?

Schmannnity October 13, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Anita hetero gov

Callyson October 13, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Anita Manda Huginkiss. Since the Rickster wouldn't be interested…

BTWBFDIMHO October 13, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Fact: Anita is not Anita Pallenberg.

NellCote71 October 13, 2011 at 10:44 pm

So true says NellCote71

Jukesgrrl October 13, 2011 at 11:04 pm

Every time I hear the name Anita, I think of the one who wanted to turn Teh Ghez into orange juice or something. Because I am an old.

NellCote71 October 13, 2011 at 11:20 pm

I remember, too, and thought of posting about Orange Juice Anita. But I sayz no, the youngs won't get it. That woman hated teh gays before it was cool to hate them.

ProudLibunatic October 13, 2011 at 11:56 pm

I remember Anita from back in the day, (as the kids say), when I marched in London's first Gay Pride parade with my (then closeted) best friend.

He later died of AIDS. I will always consider Reagan his assassin.

Sorry to be such a downer.
I guess I'm still not over it.
(Well, it was only 24 years ago!)

Jukesgrrl October 14, 2011 at 4:59 pm

She was definitely a precursor to the tea party.And the beginning of the end for Florida.

NellCote71 October 14, 2011 at 6:04 pm

I remember her as being particularly loathsome. Jukesgrrl, you are right about her being a precursor. And Phyllis Schafly.

ProudLunatic, I am sorry about your friend.

I will never understand the party that wants government out of their lives until it comes to sexual preference or women's bodies. Or that something conceived a few days ago can't be killed but adults are liable to state-sanctioned murder.

poncho_pilot October 14, 2011 at 9:13 am

Perry was actually talking to Adolph Oliver Bush.

fuflans October 13, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Anita Perry suggested that her husband’s current difficulties were a “test"

yeah anita it's called a fucking primary.

Blueb4sunrise October 13, 2011 at 8:10 pm

…………never mind……….

stew1 October 14, 2011 at 1:33 am

Anita, was it a "test" for you when you caught Rick doing the gay-gay with that staff member?

Ajax October 13, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Of course, he's going to heaven, and I'm not. Between that, the big hair, and the blissful ignorance, we're all just dying of envy, really.

BaldarTFlagass October 13, 2011 at 7:54 pm

And then she turned into a pillar of salt.

user-of-owls October 13, 2011 at 9:29 pm

And then a bunch of deer came out of the woods and licked the salt.
And then a bunch of Texans shot the living bejeesus outta those deer.

And that, children, is Why Anita Never Got Licked Again.

chicken_thief October 14, 2011 at 10:37 am

Up on Niggerhead, right?

donner_froh October 13, 2011 at 7:55 pm

My grandfather was the deacon in a Christian church and he made sure I went to Sunday school every Sunday because nothing made him prouder than for me to hear him in his sermon on Sunday," she said, before trailing off and bowing her head for about 15 seconds. "My grandfather still speaks to me today."

That bitch is crazy.

ProgressiveInga October 13, 2011 at 8:18 pm

And crazy KNOWS crazy!

mourningnmerica October 13, 2011 at 8:27 pm

And gramps is really, really getting old.

Chichikovovich October 13, 2011 at 10:17 pm

"My grandfather still speaks to me today."

And he says "Anita, I'm your grandfather. The other voice yesterday that said he was your grandfather is actually an evil spirit. Not your grandfather at all, because that is me. And when that evil spirit said you should lock up in a cabinet the guns and sharp knives in the house and give the key to Pastor William, he was trying to harm you. Keep those guns close at hand Anita. And remember – I'm your real grandfather. Yesterday's voice was the evil spirit. Now you go make those apple fritters your Ricky likes so much, sweetie."

Negropolis October 14, 2011 at 12:43 am

I laughed 'cause that was so creepy.

JustPixelz October 13, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Remember when Hillary was First Lady and said she imagined talking to Eleanor Roosevelt. The wingers went crazy.

This shocking development further proves our contention that Bill and Hillary are practicing witches, for this kind of action is precisely what witches would do.

Hoowee! Good times.

FNMA October 14, 2011 at 7:16 am

Is her dead grandfather telling her to set fires?

NellCote71 October 14, 2011 at 8:04 am

Yeah, to the Bushes, apparently. But I am not sure which branch of the family. Shrub, perhaps?

Negropolis October 14, 2011 at 8:31 am

If the voice isn't telling her to do that, it ain't worth a damn. Any good disembodied voice worth its salt tells you to burn shit. That's just what they do. And, the really good ones tell you that the rest of your household is plotting your demise. Them's the good ones.

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 10:14 am

"Is her dead grandfather telling her to set fires?"

No, I'm pretty sure that's the leprechaun.

Generation[redacted] October 14, 2011 at 12:42 pm

My grandfather still speaks to me today. He said, "I'm going upstairs to fuck your grandmother now."

rocktonsam October 13, 2011 at 7:56 pm

we don't hate him because he is a christian dear.
I instantly hated before i knew HE was christian

it saved time

I'm CERTAIN i COULDN'T TAKE 8 MORE YEARS OF AN ANOTHER SQUINTY EYED MORONIC TEXAN,also

padremickey October 13, 2011 at 7:58 pm

I dislikes him cuz he don't know shit 'bout history. Well, he probably don' know shit 'bout Christian history, either, so, yeah, I hates him fer bein' krishin.

ShaveTheWhales October 14, 2011 at 1:35 am

Um, he don't know shit about anything.

x111e7thst October 13, 2011 at 7:59 pm

It is true. I hate him because he is Xtian. And because he is an asswipe. Also because of his hair.

chascates October 13, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Don't lay your assholeism at Jesus' feet. What part of Matthew 6:5 don't you understand?
And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. So eateth shit.

Generation[redacted] October 13, 2011 at 8:13 pm

And lo, the Lord sayeth unto them, beith thou not a douchebag…

LiveToServeYa October 14, 2011 at 9:15 am

..nor a port for shite, that being the Exodus thereof.

bikerlaureate October 13, 2011 at 8:24 pm

And yea, all of my teachings and commandments do notteth apply when your nation is ruled by the unclean patricians of the ass.

ShaveTheWhales October 14, 2011 at 1:35 am

All of it, Katie. All of it.

BaldarTFlagass October 13, 2011 at 8:03 pm

To be honest, I hate him for two reasons: because he is a conservative. And the governor of my stupid state.

Three! Three reasons—he kills a lot of people.

No wait—FOUR. Four reasons. Conservative, governor of my state, psychopathic killer, AND Christian.

Schmannnity October 13, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Two words: Rick Scott. Wanna trade?

Ramon X October 14, 2011 at 11:42 am

I'll see your Rick Scott and raise you a Paul LePage.

Doktor Zoom October 13, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Our chief weapon is Fear! … and Surprise…our TWO chief weapons are Fear and Suprise! And a fanatical devotion to Manly Jesus…

Jukesgrrl October 13, 2011 at 11:08 pm

No one said, "All of them, Katie"?

Generation[redacted] October 14, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Bring… the comfy chair!

Blueb4sunrise October 13, 2011 at 8:07 pm

I think Anita was in Atrios' Philly hooker line-up.

philpjfry October 13, 2011 at 8:08 pm

It figures a douchebag would ahve a douchebag wife. Which doesn't explain the burning bush. If God hates anybody it must be all these fucks who think God speaks only to them. And why doesn't he ever tell them something intelegent, like stay the fuck home and shut up?

mourningnmerica October 13, 2011 at 8:12 pm

I hate Rick Perry more than I hate Jesus. And not because he mumbles, whereas Jesus was an EXCELLENT speaker. Give him a basket of fish, and that dude could just MESMERIZE an audience. Perry, give him a basket of fish, and he will give them all HPV injections.

poncho_pilot October 14, 2011 at 9:19 am

if you give a man a fire he'll be warm for a day.

if you set a man on fire he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

spends2much October 13, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Anita, honey, don't worry, your husband is as paranoid and narcissistic as the rest of the candidates, so I'm sure Jeebus had a nice talk with him about his future goals.

Can the next GOP debate be a smackdown over who God really wants running against Obama? Please?

Generation[redacted] October 13, 2011 at 8:15 pm

I want each candidate to bring affidavits documenting the exact times when God spoke to them. Only then can we make a fair comparison.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 13, 2011 at 9:02 pm

We want the LONG FORM stone tablets.

Chet Kincaid October 14, 2011 at 11:31 am

Congratulations on punking all of these credulous bumpkins into running for President. They don't call you The Great Deceiver for nothin'!

dogscantlookup October 13, 2011 at 8:15 pm

The Ronnie Dobbs defense.
I thought that my home was my castle / With no one scrutinizing me / No pigs, no lyin' bitch, no hassle / Y'all are brutalizing' me / Can't a man not drink his beer in silence? / Can't a man not crudely lie and scream? / Can't a man not control his bitch with violence? / Y'all are brutalizing me

GlowneyHouse October 13, 2011 at 8:18 pm

I'm confused. When one of these guys talks about entering the race, the first thing they tell the mouth-breathers is "Well, I'm going to talk to my family and pray about it…" So obviously, the fact they are in the race shows they all think they got the thumbs-up from the big guy. Is god just telling them all "Sure, go ahead" for the lulz?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 13, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Yup.

user-of-owls October 13, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Well, all except for Christie, whose Sacred Chocolate Eclair said, "People hate you fatso, sit this one out."

Nostrildamus October 14, 2011 at 12:25 am

God's kind of a fucker that way.

RadioOcupados October 13, 2011 at 8:20 pm

I hate dumb fucks who are smug, think they are smarter than they actually are, or easily fool other dumb fucks. I also am not fond of that texas bitch drawl.

Barrelhse October 13, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Anita, honey, come over here for a minute and we'll show you a whole new meaning for "brutalized."

Gorillionaire October 13, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Damn and here I thought his wife was Katy Perry. Well sure sucks to be you Rick. Also, I hate you. For being stupid.

NellCote71 October 13, 2011 at 10:54 pm

And here I thought Rick Perry was married to Matthew Perry.

Callyson October 13, 2011 at 8:21 pm

”We are being brutalized by our opponents, and our own party."
Um, Anita, if you think a little intra – party criticism amounts to brutalization, I'd love to see how you react to a general election…
…and I would be happy to show you what a truly brutal attack on Rick Perry looks like: take a big helping of factual information, add some common sense, and there you are…

user-of-owls October 13, 2011 at 9:42 pm

a little intra – party criticism amounts to brutalization

It IS brutal! In fact, strapping 234 people to a gurney and poisoning them to death PALES by comparison to the brutality of the mean things they're saying about Rick.

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 10:20 am

"I would be happy to show you what a truly brutal attack on Rick Perry looks like: take a big helping of factual information, add some common sense, and there you are… "

And baseball bats, don't forget the baseball bats.

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 10:21 am

”We are being brutalized by our opponents, and our own party."

Another reason why I hate Sarah Palin is that she popularized that meme where anything that is not fawning, groveling praise is pickin' on her, and her family, and all the leukemia kids in the hospital, and handicapped puppies. Now they all do it.

owhatever October 13, 2011 at 8:22 pm

No, Anita, it wasn't a burning bush. It was the whole damned state of Texas that was on fire. Somehow, the Rickerhead saw that as a message to cut fire-fighting budgets and run for president. The God laffs, ha-ha.

spends2much October 13, 2011 at 8:26 pm

And isn't crying persecution a registered trademark of Sarah Palin Incorporated? Anita, you don't want to piss her off!

glamourdammerung October 13, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Conservativism is all about being a victim. When not screaming about murdering people you dislike/disagree with, anyway.

Indiepalin October 13, 2011 at 8:27 pm

These poor GOP candidates (especially Fecal Boy). Why does God keep fucking with them?!?!

HistoriCat October 13, 2011 at 9:24 pm

God keeps hoping they will shut the fuck UP and leave Him ALONE!

El Pinche October 13, 2011 at 8:28 pm

News for Rick and Anita. Jesus hates you fuckos, too.

Nostrildamus October 14, 2011 at 12:33 am

Millions in preventable Texas insurance losses is Rick's way of telling State Farm they need to up their campaign contributions.

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 12:58 am

In fact, Jesus feels so strongly about them that he Moved His Hand in Mysterious Ways.

Come here a minute October 13, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Humblest apologies, Mrs. Texas FLOTSOT, but the Flying Spaghetti Monster endorses President Obama, because he still,even after everything, enjoys saying "President Obama".

metamarcisf October 13, 2011 at 8:32 pm

His wife should be grateful that ANYBODY is supporting a guy related to professional Journey douchbag Steve Perry.

Jukesgrrl October 13, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Is he REALLY??

natoslug October 13, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Excuse me, but some of us can STILL get laid to Journey. There is a subset of women who find that music highly, um, disinhibiting.

Chet Kincaid October 14, 2011 at 11:23 am

Hit it and quit it. With earplugs.

natoslug October 14, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Forget your earplugs and you won't have to ask "Who's Crying Now?" as she give you lovin', touchin', squeezin', Any Way You Want It. Okay, time to fire up "A Love Supreme" and see if Coltrane can wash away the memories of 80's arena rock.

HarryButtle October 15, 2011 at 4:45 pm

So, um, you like the chubby, big-haired Camaro-driving crowd?

rocktonsam October 13, 2011 at 8:36 pm

you've lost half of your support in the polls idiot.

of course they hate you.

now go home and scrape that paint of the niggerhead rock

DemonicRage October 13, 2011 at 8:45 pm

9-9-9. 9-9-9. 9-9-9. 9-9-9. That's all we have to keep saying for next 9 years. One year until Cain is elected and then eight years after that. This is the answer to ANY question.

schvitzatura October 14, 2011 at 3:43 am

Waiting for Las Vegas novelty Herman Cain slots, where you win the jackpot with 9-9-9 in a row!

outragedcitizen October 13, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Wait! The last time God picked some asshole from Texas to run the country it didn't work out so well. Am I to believe that we are fated to endure it again?

Thanks a lot, God!

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 10:31 am

Well, to be strictly accurate, the asshole in question was a spoiled rich kid of almost unimaginable wealth and privilege from Connecticut, who was pretending to be a regular guy from Texas so the people of Wal-Mart would "want to have a beer with him".
Oh, yeah, and God didn't pick him. The Supreme Court did.

BTWBFDIMHO October 13, 2011 at 8:51 pm

So let's crucify him!

starfanglednut October 13, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Yay! I'll bring the beer.

emmelemm October 13, 2011 at 9:29 pm

And make a martyr out of him? Bad plan!

BTWBFDIMHO October 13, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Good thinking, but I will wash my hands anyway…

bagofmice October 13, 2011 at 11:08 pm

It's the christian thing to do, especially for a Texan.

Barrelhse October 13, 2011 at 8:54 pm

I can't speak for others, but I certainly hate him because he's christian.

Nostrildamus October 13, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Rick Perry is America's Jesus Ween.

Nostrildamus October 13, 2011 at 8:58 pm

I don't hate him because he's Christian. I hate him because he's willfully ignorant of science, hates on gays, cheers at capital punishment, and, and,…. hmmm, my argument seems to be breaking down.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 13, 2011 at 9:06 pm

So full of win… nicely done!

4TheTurnstiles October 13, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Best part: he's still very able to win the nomination. Why? Because he's not Romney, and of all the non-Romneys, he has a ground game in primary states and money in the bank. He's an incompetent fuck but so was W. If he consolidates the teabagger evangelical set, he can wrap this thing up and lose to Obama in a landslide.

Rotundo_ October 13, 2011 at 10:13 pm

The repub race to the bottom is so volatile propane seems tame. It's like a thirteen year old infatuation that just jumps from one "not the mormon" to another. I suppose that the Baggers will suddenly realize the pizza guy is a near and then it will be on to the next one. Problem is, that they're getting down to Newtie and Santorum and even repubs have some standards. It must suck to be them and have anyone who hasn't shit the bed completely sit out the race. Jeb can't trade on the Bush name for at least another 4 years or more, and the rest of the lot (Ryan gets mentioned frequently) suck as well. Who do they have that isn't a pile of shit?

fuflans October 13, 2011 at 11:19 pm

what i love is the media still thinks this is a race b/t romney and perry boy.

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 14, 2011 at 1:37 am

Didn't Al Gore say something like that in 1999?

4TheTurnstiles October 14, 2011 at 9:09 am

He was listening to Donna Brazile, who ran an absolutely dismal campaign. So bad the Supreme Court decided against it.

Nostrildamus October 13, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Remember, when God sent the plague of cricket, it was also a test.

emmelemm October 13, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I know! Those British and their interminably boring sports…

ShaveTheWhales October 14, 2011 at 1:46 am

Now really, cricket is less boring than baseball. But, admittedly, more interminable. Especially tests.

littlebigdaddy October 14, 2011 at 12:56 am

Haha–the Brits lose all their test matches to Pakistan and India.

mayor_quimby October 14, 2011 at 3:37 am

What does 130 runs, not out not excite you? Heathen…

RadioOcupados October 13, 2011 at 9:04 pm

You know who else whined a lot when desperate?

Pres.Libunatic October 13, 2011 at 9:35 pm

My ex?

Nostrildamus October 14, 2011 at 1:08 am

Teenage pals of Pogo the Clown?

ShaveTheWhales October 14, 2011 at 1:47 am

How does this affect the Alaskunt?

mayor_quimby October 14, 2011 at 3:35 am

A stuck pig?

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 10:36 am

The guy who gave the panhandler a dollar and wasn't met with ecstatic gratitude?

AJWjr. October 14, 2011 at 10:36 am

Karla Fay Tucker?

chicken_thief October 14, 2011 at 10:44 am

Lassie, the day when dumbass Timmy fell down the well?

Toomush_Infer October 13, 2011 at 9:15 pm

"Is that a good check or a bad check, Jesus?"
"What do you think, Rick?"
"It's a bad check…"

user-of-owls October 13, 2011 at 9:18 pm

Just a correction. There were some technical problems in one of Cain's recent interviews on the Golf Channel which cut the last few words of his response. So actually, he's been on the kable programs 999,999.999 times.

Mort_Sinclair October 13, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Oh my gawd, can't we just grab a cheap utility tool knife and hack Texas off like a forearm pinned between a wall and a 600-pound boulder? Think of the renewed sense of life and purpose we'd have….

MzNicky October 14, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Now that Molly Ivins and Ann Richards are gone, sure, why not.

ibwilliamsi October 13, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Actually, we hate him because he's a blasphemous heathen. Jesus wouldn't try to pull any of that Rick Perry bullshit.

fuflans October 13, 2011 at 11:20 pm

holy shit. i've had that magnet on my fridge for like 12 years.

hats off to you ibwilliamsi and now i have to crack another bottle of wine.

user-of-owls October 13, 2011 at 9:34 pm

So when some people say uncomplimentary things about you in the midst of an electoral campaign, that's a test from God? Not, for example, when every last milliliter of life-sustaining water is drained from the state you govern and it is then turned into a sea of fire and death?

Did I get that right Anita?

seppdecker October 13, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Texas logic – Brutalization is being asked to show a shred of competence for the presidency. Killing innocent people is justice. Down is up, etc.

FrenchTwist40 October 13, 2011 at 9:50 pm

God told Rick Perry he was just joking when he told "Crazy Eyes" to run.

Schmegeg October 13, 2011 at 10:00 pm

What does she smoke? I want some.

ttommyunger October 13, 2011 at 10:20 pm

So now he's so scared and flummoxed by his falling poll numbers he's reduced to trotting his worn-out piece-of-ass wife to play the victim card for him because he's supposedly a member of the majority religion in America? That's just lame.

RadioOcupados October 13, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Exactly. What amazes me even more is the dumbass teabaggers who thought this guy was great 3-4 weeks ago and now, whatever. These fucks are more fickle than a cat with ADHD.

fuflans October 13, 2011 at 11:23 pm

i don't know, 'worn out'? she's kinda round for that.

ttommyunger October 14, 2011 at 11:38 am

Married to that rutting poseur? Who wouldn't be?

Chichikovovich October 13, 2011 at 10:23 pm

I do sympathize with Rick and Anita's understandable mistake. They read Judges 15:15, where it talks of Sampson laying waste to his enemies using the jawbone of an ass. Who can blame Rick for thinking that God was speaking to him with that passage.

Antispandex October 13, 2011 at 10:34 pm

" Americans hate Rick Perry, it turns out, because Americans hate Jesus."

Maybe,,,, just maybe, Jesus hates Rick Perry? I mean Jesus is biased in favor of the poor, so… I don't know, I'll ask him and get back to you.

BarackMyWorld October 13, 2011 at 10:53 pm

You know who else tested Rick? His college professors. Rick didn't do too well those times, either.

littlebigdaddy October 14, 2011 at 12:58 am

Hitler? Sorry, wrong thread.

glamourdammerung October 13, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Besides the really blatant bits about not killing and not being dishonest among other bits of Christianity that Perry and friends choice to ignore, there is a very strongly implied "do not try to be an abrasive jackass" rule.

comrad_darkness October 13, 2011 at 11:32 pm

"And they may feel like God called them too. But I truly feel like we are here for that purpose."

Oh yeah. Totally give these people the keys to the launch codes.

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Translation: "You may feel like you're supposed to run the show, but I *really really* feel like *I'm* supposed to run the show".

Ooh, good comeback.
\Groundskeeper Willie\

PalinzADummy October 13, 2011 at 11:57 pm

When they start whining about how their own side is persecuting them, you know they're toast.

Beck_is_Trig October 13, 2011 at 11:59 pm

You know…back in the good old days of Christian Europe, the period these 'tards adore and wish to repeat Ricky boy, Pizza Man and Crazy Eyes would have each in turn smote the other for saying god "chose them to run." So logically,…either their entire religion is a fraud or instead they are (to state the obvious). Why these ULTRA right wing Christian douchemonkeys who parade them each out in course while playing to that particular claim don't sit and think for a moment that god likes his "chosen ones" to occur one at a time and therefore logically ALL of these 'tards are liars and therefore crazy people is beyond me…No, actually I get why…it's the same reason they're Christian conservatives to begin with, "why do any thinkin' when pastor Howard Goober tells me what to think, uh hyuk!" __Oh, and the fact that trying to greet any of these people with this earth-shattering logical paradox would be received with a really dull-witted looking smug smile and no answer makes this paradox all the more humorous….

Negropolis October 14, 2011 at 12:22 am

Ms. Thigpen, we hate your man because he's an unapologetic, muderous dick. Hell, I wish that all he was was a Christian. Behind every strangely conservative man stands an equally strange conservative woman, I guess. Oh, and a rentboy and mistress. Also.

Rick is testing, all right. He's testing my last, damned nerve is what he's testing.

BTW, John Goodman is on Jimmy Kimmel, right now, and the guy is sweating more profusely than a hooker at church.

fletc3her October 14, 2011 at 12:32 am

Christian and conservative are not the same thing. Obama is christian. Oh never mind.

Negropolis October 14, 2011 at 12:41 am

I don't know if Rick's a burning bush, but I bet he's a flaming queen.

littlebigdaddy October 14, 2011 at 1:01 am

One, two, ooh! scratch your eyes out
I know where you've been, you military fairy!

mrblifil October 14, 2011 at 1:02 am

God probably was distracted when he told Rick to run. His attention was diverted by some Central American relief pitcher thanking him for allowing his slider to catch the outside edge for a called third strike.

Negropolis October 14, 2011 at 3:27 am

lol! It's funny 'cause it's true.

neiltheblaze October 14, 2011 at 1:08 am

"I command thee to run for the Presidency and lose to a Pizza Baron!!"

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 14, 2011 at 1:10 am

Well I hate him because he's a Christian.

fartknocker October 14, 2011 at 1:10 am

Anita, talking about God "calling" on your hubby to run for President and then being "attacked" for your religion? Your husband is being attacked (as you portray it) because he is a half-wit dipshit who panders to wingnut prayer rallies but has no acumen concerning U.S. or world history. He's nothing more than a middle-aged Texas A&M yell leader who interferes with things he has no knowledge of.

Your hubby's Prayerapalooza was nothing more than a side show. Mean while, Texas burned in August and September and neither of you were there for the people of Texas.

Shut your pie holes Rick and Anita. We in Austin couldn't give a rats ass and we damn sure know that you haven't behaved as leaders in Texas,and your husband is not qualified to serve as President of the U.S.

Mojopo October 14, 2011 at 1:29 am

Actually, ma'am, Rick has failed God. God specifically told Rick to git er done for Jesus, and Rick showed up incoherent and unprepared. You both get an F, which stands for Fire – as in Lake of.

stew1 October 14, 2011 at 1:31 am

Thought this was clever: Herman Cain, 9-9-9 / Perry, 9-1-1
(of course God is the only true emergency dispatcher).

ShaveTheWhales October 14, 2011 at 1:53 am

I'm pretty sure I'd hate Rick Perry if he were a fucking agnostic. It's what he says and does, Anita, not what he pretends to believe.

carlgt1 October 14, 2011 at 2:06 am

oh yeah, Jesus is so close to Rick Perry that the sign on the cross – "INRI" – is shorthand for "NIGGERHEAD"

sorry Repugs — Jesus just isn't that into you….

glamourdammerung October 14, 2011 at 2:17 am

"I go the way that Providence dictates with the assurance of a sleepwalker. "

- Christian conservative Adolf Hitler

schvitzatura October 14, 2011 at 3:48 am

Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, Miss Anita.

In short, tell your man to "man up", grow a pair, and fight like a buckin' bronc against these apostate pretenders to the throne.

Veni, Vidi, Vici, beotch!

MiniMencken October 14, 2011 at 4:42 am

Wow, she's jus' so good & Christian and all, why I would wonder about how she explains that hunky carpenter ol' Rick was keepin' in a lil' ol' apartment in Austin. I reckon she is jus' tech'd by the Lord, is what it is. It's a beautiful thing, it is.

Comrade Wingtard October 14, 2011 at 5:16 am

"I think Americans just don't know sometimes which Mitt Romney they're dealing with. Is it the Mitt Romney that was on the side of against the Second amendment before he was for the Second Amendment? Was it was before he was before these social programs, uhm, from the standpoint of he was for? Uh, standing up for Roe vs. Wade, before he was aginst versus, Roe versus Wade? Uh, he uh, was for race to the top, uh, he's for Obama … Care and now he's against it. I mean we'll wait until tomorrow and see which Mitt Romney we're really talking to tonight." –Rick Perry, President of the World

DerrickWildcat October 14, 2011 at 5:47 am

That's only part of it.

PuglyDoRight October 14, 2011 at 6:39 am

Poor Ricky, confused "burning bush" with the whole state of Texas being on fire.

Negropolis October 14, 2011 at 7:09 am

Shorter Anita Thigpen Perry: "Don't hate us 'cause we're beautiful."

That's right, Rick is being hated on because he just loves America and the Baby Jesus so much. Newton Gingrich already tried this route, Mrs. Perry. Come up with your own game. Next.

Negropolis October 14, 2011 at 7:34 am

OT: Looks like Brookfield has decided against cleaning Zucotti, today. Must have got cold feet. This is a win for the protestors. Meanwhile, news out of Denver has the police in riot gear clearing the capitol grounds.

Occupy Detroit is happening this afternoon and evening. Look out for it. If they get enough people, they've planned a 60-day occupation at Grand Circus Park in the heart of downtown Detroit.

bflrtsplk October 14, 2011 at 7:42 am

If being Christian means the same thing as being an out and out jerk, maybe Madame Perry is onto something.

gurukalehuru October 14, 2011 at 8:36 am

In happier news, Jigme Wangchuk and Jetsun Pema just got married in Bhutan. Really. Jigme Wangchuk.

4TheTurnstiles October 14, 2011 at 9:08 am

Karmapa Chenno!

Generation[redacted] October 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Everybody have fun tonight…

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 8:03 pm

Prior to that, were they doodling "Jigme loves Jetsun" on their notebooks?

Poindexter718 October 14, 2011 at 9:01 am

In fairness, she does come off as having been brutalized.

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2011 at 9:10 am

I thought Perry's wife was called Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks.

Chichikovovich October 14, 2011 at 9:48 am

I find that wather withible.

BlueStateLibel October 14, 2011 at 9:14 am

Yes, God especially loves people who states he sets on fire, Anita.

LiveToServeYa October 14, 2011 at 9:16 am

Good. All we ask is to crucify him a little, that is, to do God's will.

mereoblivion October 14, 2011 at 9:24 am

Ain't read every one of the posts so apols if someone else has 'fessed up before me, but: I hated Jesus before I ever heard of Rick Perry. (No wait: I hated, uhm, Rand Perry before he was was versus Jesus . . . Care . . . )

MozakiBlocks October 14, 2011 at 9:34 am

How about hating Little Ricky just because?

Ducksworthy October 14, 2011 at 10:18 am

Ricky is fading so fast that I may not get a chance to repeat the line but somebody said: "Rick Perry is W but without the humility or intelligence."

FakaktaSouth October 14, 2011 at 10:36 am

I saw the lovely Jim Hightower say that when the P-man first announced, and I thought he was being funny – I thought W is a dumb as they come. Turns out he was giving ol Rick too much credit. I still think Jesus' boy is gonna rise again – he'll take over for Herm when people realize TAXES and then battle it out with the MORMON (once the 20million who voted against gays for W know – because they really still don't know – what the LDS is, it is going to freak the hell out of people) Should be interesting to watch!

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 12:26 pm

I don't know WHAT to think of Perry at this point, except that he went down faster than a five-dollar hooker. I wonder if we can say goodbye to that rat-thatched, lipless, squinty-eyed visage forever, or will we have to wait while this long, bitter, undignified, clawing to the top continues?

chicken_thief October 14, 2011 at 10:28 am

From Jesus' (lack of) response to Perry's prayer for rain, I'd say that he hates the fucker, too.

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 10:32 am

Has someone already posted the "Wahhhh, we're being oppressed!" pie chart?

proudgrampa October 14, 2011 at 11:20 am

"Americans hate Rick Perry, it turns out, because Americans hate hypocrisy."

Fixed.

Eve8Apples October 14, 2011 at 11:41 am

God is testing him.

According to Perry's Texas A & M student transcript, he's not much of test taker.

I'd say Perry's in big trouble if God is administering a test.

Ramon X October 14, 2011 at 11:44 am

Would God call more than one candidate to run? Wouldn't that be like can God make a rock that he can't lift? Maybe he's just laying off his bets. On the other hand, wouldn't he already know who's going to win?

Redhead October 14, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Since when does Perry act like a Christian?

LibertyLover October 14, 2011 at 12:20 pm

I think I know what happened.

They're taking God's favorite soap opera off the air (All My Children) and God needed more daytime entertainment, so he told a bunch of different conservatives (Bachmann, Santorum, Perry and Cain) that they should all run for the office of the POTUS.

The Almighty was just messin' with them. The GOPers are all just pawns in his own personal reality TV show.

tessiee October 14, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Susan Lucci libel!

Generation[redacted] October 14, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Wow, Ricky. You really got yerself a nutbag there. Does she have a sister?

edconley7 October 14, 2011 at 1:45 pm

I don't hate Rick Perry because he's a christian. I hate him because of his hair.

It's just as valid!!!!

HolyCow!! October 14, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Perry to Mormons: "Drop dead." Perry just comes across as smarmy. His Jesus loving (man loving?) is more of a stage prop than anything else.

Beowoof October 14, 2011 at 2:09 pm

I don't hate because he is Christian, I hate him because he is an asshole.

awwalk56 October 14, 2011 at 4:51 pm

I'll never understand god lying to all these people. What a prick. He told michelle bachmann to run then put the screws to her (he also punked her with marrying the gay guy). He lied to rectal drip rick and shows no respect at all for cowpie perry. He pulled the same stunt on rev. robertson in 88. What a prick. I can't wait until he lets the baggers know that cain is black. Now that will be funny.

Morgellon XIV October 14, 2011 at 8:35 pm

We hate him because he does not wear eyebrow merkins. And because he is a flaming hypocrytical buffoon fucknugget douchenozzle pissant shitwad genital maggot.

_Sola_ October 15, 2011 at 6:44 am

Dear Anita,

I'm pretty sure that people don't like your husband because he is a wanker. Not because he is a Christian.

Sincerely

Sola

4TheTurnstiles October 13, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Yes, America hates that Jesus, when he is not building her house, cleaning her yard, harvesting her food, or filling her fleeting sexual fantasies. Fuck that Jesus. Again and again.

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 12:55 am

Just Another Band From (East) L.A., pachuco.

NellCote71 October 13, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Fortunately, my Safari crashes almost daily, which seems to take of Computer Alzheimer's.

SayItWithWookies October 14, 2011 at 4:00 am

It's the invisible cloven hoof in action.

FNMA October 14, 2011 at 7:20 am

Listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=md72xiMyJ0Y
Yeah. Best band in America.

chicken_thief October 14, 2011 at 10:25 am

Not so fast…. just how many fingers we talking about here? Pics?!

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 12:14 pm

With the current foul crop of Republicans, perhaps "Let's Get America Out Of This Dutch Oven"?

PalinzADummy October 14, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Pretty good, Los Lobos. I was thinking of Frank Zappa, myself, but Frank's long dead and gone.

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