the jesus people

Rick Perry’s Wife Concludes Everyone Hates Him Because He Is Christian

Can't save you now, Rick.Where has Rick Perry been hiding? Why does everyone hate him now? Is it for the most obvious reason that he is a weird toad who ritually tortures hair products and most often looks like he is asleep every time he tries to get a few words out in a debate? NO, WORSE: he refuses to show up on the teevee. He did only two interviews with CNBC between the last two GOP debates, on account of being a coward. And if there is exactly one kind of person that the tense crowd of teabagger Americans must fear and distrust as a rule — right after the Muslins — it is someone who hates teevee. (Conversely, this is why teabaggers love Herman Cain, who has been on the kable programz 999,999 times in the last two weeks.) But, eh, that sounds like a very *reasonable* explanation, which is against the Bible. Rick’s wife Anita has a different, more insane take on the whole situation: Americans hate Rick Perry, it turns out, because Americans hate Jesus. 

SO LOOK, EVERYBODY. Jesus picked Rick Perry to be President, you know, the actual Jesus guy in charge of Earth, but apparently nobody reads Jesus’s spam letter voter memos anymore. Therefore, GO TO HELL, sayeth Anita Perry:  “We are being brutalized by our opponents, and our own party. So much of that is, I think they look at him, because of his faith. He is the only true conservative – well, there are some true conservatives. And they’re there for good reasons. And they may feel like God called them too. But I truly feel like we are here for that purpose.”

Suck it, rest of the GOP field. You’re a squirmy pile of false idols, admit it.

Aaaand — for fun — a little more weirdness from Anita Perry, via MSNBC:

She likened Perry’s decision to run to encountering a “burning bush,” a reference to the Biblical story of Moses receiving a sign from God. And Anita Perry suggested that her husband’s current difficulties were a “test.”

“Last week, someone came up to Rick and gave him the scripture. He said Rick, I want to tell you God is testing you,” she said.

Haha, that’s kind of cute. God is testing Rick Perry! No, not really. It is Rick Perry who is doing the testing, to the teevee audiences, by refusing to speak to them. [Scripps/ MSNBC]

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  1. north_of_moscow

    Perry claimed his wife talked him into running, so I'm confused by the burning bush analogy. Oh, wait….

      1. spends2much

        Plus, it was a sacrifice for him, because you know he didn't want to go anywhere NEAR that thing!

    1. gizdal

      his wife has a burning bush, thass why he ain't had time to appear on tv to tell us more about jesus. hey weren't that great the way jesus solved the drought problem in dry & drier texas? boy that jesus baby can work wonders for idiots.

    2. chicken_thief

      If I was Anita, I would avoid any references to burning, whether it be her bush or the natural environment that they used to have, in the Great State of Tejas.

    3. Dashboard_Jesus

      well it sure as hell wasn't ME that told the fucking moron to run for President, he's obviously listening to the wrong bush, dumb cunt

  2. Blendergoathead

    Tell her to call me – I have a list of additional things about him that would curl her toes.

  3. fuflans

    so that makes herman cain the golden calf?

    and i'll leave the burning bush jokes to the rest of you.

  4. Sue4466

    Someone gave Perry "scripture" and a burning bush? I'm so confused. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    1. bikerlaureate

      Thank you. THANK YOU for coming right out and saying it. The LIE-brul media and the Google are ruining everything great about the C.S.A. – er, U.S.A.

    2. glamourdammerung

      Poor, persecuted, supermajority. Not letting them use the weight of the state to push their deviant lifestyle choices down everyone's throat is JUST. LIKE. THE. HOLOCAUST.

        1. glamourdammerung

          Why? Do I come off like a foreigner that is trying to scapegoat American Muslims to hide some kind of sinister Dutch plot that probably involves tulips and fingers in dykes?

          Funny how he knew we found those weapons of mass destruction when he told the press all about it, yet they were nowhere to be found when the military looked. I think we should waterboard the tuliphumper just to be sure he is not a terrorist.

          1. tessiee

            "some kind of sinister Dutch plot that probably involves tulips and fingers in dykes?"

            Must… not… make… bad… pun…

        1. PalinzADummy

          Funny, we haven't heard zilch from the usually loudly baying Hound of Wasilla lately. I wonder if she's gone for good?

          Don't say her name again, let's see if she appears in the press anyway.

  5. JackObin

    I don't hate him, that would be unchristian. No, I quite dislike him because he is a stupid putz.

  6. hellomynameisuser

    the scary thing is that rick perry probably actually would cut the child in half to solve a custody dispute.

  7. OneYieldRegular

    I would've thought Perryanity originated not via intervention by that whippersnapper Ocupado Jesus, but from that cranky, violent, Old Testament God. You know, the one who was always burning cities and causing floods and ordering people to kill their sons and such.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      A similar thing used to happen to me. I would hear the words "President Bush" on the teevee and I would think they said, "Don't forget to flush."

  8. Sue4466

    Given our track record, it's not like this country could hate him for being a dumbass. So, it MUST be Jesus's fault.

  9. SarahsBush

    Anita Perry: "My husband hasn't been on teevee enough lately to say wingnut shit, so let me throw a few things out there."

    1. Generation[redacted]

      He's no Job. Job invented the personal computer. Then he was exiled from the walled garden of Apple to wander the desert until he was able to render the promised land in high def animation.

          1. natoslug

            I thought so too, until I discovered that my Safari Web Content typically ended up sucking up ~2.65GB of RAM by the end of the day. Anyone who allows that large a memory leak should just curl up and die! Er, too soon?

    2. padremickey

      And their livestock and homes. When God takes bets with ol' Satan, like he did on Job, well, it's really nasty sad!!

        1. HistoriCat

          None of them? Come on, how can so many 20-something douchebags make a million dollars a year without some sort of compact with the devil?

          Or are you strictly working with artistic types these days? Lotta crossroads at midnight action?

  10. Ohforcripessake

    Some one should give him a copy of the 10 commandments. You know, the list that contains, "thou shalt not kill"?

  11. SarahsBush

    God: "The last Texas governor was clearly in no way a bad move on my part. Let's do this shit again!"

  12. littlebigdaddy

    Yeah, Anita, not surprised about the burning bush. A course of antibiotics should clear that up. And tell Ricky to quit with the barebacking.

  13. north_of_moscow

    "I know you think God's talking to you, but he told me he's not."

    Every thing good that has happened over the course of human history has been birthed from that little gem of a thought.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Actually there could be as many as three of them. But *four* – a quaternity – well, that would be just crazy talk.

        1. bikerlaureate

          Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

        2. Dashboard_Jesus

          yeah of course with four of us it would be tough to break a tie without SOMEBODY being cut in half

  14. iburl

    Rick Perry totally snubbed his Democratic opposition for the Gov race in 2010 and chickened out of ANY face to face debates, so that tells you how comfortable he is with his ability to think on his feet.

  15. Mumbletypeg

    I dunno, Anita, could the burning bush scripture have been, you know, a possible reference to the fact THE STATE YOUR HUSBAND GOVERNS has endured wildfire-inducing drought and scorching temperatures? Or the rumors kindled by Larry Flynt, not necessarily without grounds, that your hubby *is* a flamer? But no, you go with a lame persecution complex divination. Effin' wise up and quit bleating around the bush.

  16. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    His wife has a point. You can often tell the most genuine followers of Jesus by how many people they have executed.

  17. GuanoFaucet

    Well, I hate Perry because he's a christofascist moron, so I guess his wife is partially correct.

  18. fuflans

    why does every one of these tools think they are god's chosen one?

    do they think god is a complete jackass?

    1. Doktor Zoom

      They said, "Lord, a plague is on the world
      Lord, no man is free
      The temples that we built to you
      Have tumbled into the sea
      Lord, if you won't take care of us
      Won't you please, please let us be?"
      And the Lord said
      And the Lord said
      I burn down your cities-how blind you must be
      I take from you your children and you say how blessed are we
      You all must be crazy to put your faith in me
      That's why I love mankind
      You really need me
      That's why I love mankind

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Every time I hear the name Anita, I think of the one who wanted to turn Teh Ghez into orange juice or something. Because I am an old.

      1. NellCote71

        I remember, too, and thought of posting about Orange Juice Anita. But I sayz no, the youngs won't get it. That woman hated teh gays before it was cool to hate them.

        1. ProudLibunatic

          I remember Anita from back in the day, (as the kids say), when I marched in London's first Gay Pride parade with my (then closeted) best friend.

          He later died of AIDS. I will always consider Reagan his assassin.

          Sorry to be such a downer.
          I guess I'm still not over it.
          (Well, it was only 24 years ago!)

          1. NellCote71

            I remember her as being particularly loathsome. Jukesgrrl, you are right about her being a precursor. And Phyllis Schafly.

            ProudLunatic, I am sorry about your friend.

            I will never understand the party that wants government out of their lives until it comes to sexual preference or women's bodies. Or that something conceived a few days ago can't be killed but adults are liable to state-sanctioned murder.

  19. fuflans

    Anita Perry suggested that her husband’s current difficulties were a “test"

    yeah anita it's called a fucking primary.

  20. Ajax

    Of course, he's going to heaven, and I'm not. Between that, the big hair, and the blissful ignorance, we're all just dying of envy, really.

    1. user-of-owls

      And then a bunch of deer came out of the woods and licked the salt.
      And then a bunch of Texans shot the living bejeesus outta those deer.

      And that, children, is Why Anita Never Got Licked Again.

  21. donner_froh

    My grandfather was the deacon in a Christian church and he made sure I went to Sunday school every Sunday because nothing made him prouder than for me to hear him in his sermon on Sunday," she said, before trailing off and bowing her head for about 15 seconds. "My grandfather still speaks to me today."

    That bitch is crazy.

    1. Chichikovovich

      "My grandfather still speaks to me today."

      And he says "Anita, I'm your grandfather. The other voice yesterday that said he was your grandfather is actually an evil spirit. Not your grandfather at all, because that is me. And when that evil spirit said you should lock up in a cabinet the guns and sharp knives in the house and give the key to Pastor William, he was trying to harm you. Keep those guns close at hand Anita. And remember – I'm your real grandfather. Yesterday's voice was the evil spirit. Now you go make those apple fritters your Ricky likes so much, sweetie."

    2. JustPixelz

      Remember when Hillary was First Lady and said she imagined talking to Eleanor Roosevelt. The wingers went crazy.

      This shocking development further proves our contention that Bill and Hillary are practicing witches, for this kind of action is precisely what witches would do.

      Hoowee! Good times.

      1. Negropolis

        If the voice isn't telling her to do that, it ain't worth a damn. Any good disembodied voice worth its salt tells you to burn shit. That's just what they do. And, the really good ones tell you that the rest of your household is plotting your demise. Them's the good ones.

    3. Generation[redacted]

      My grandfather still speaks to me today. He said, "I'm going upstairs to fuck your grandmother now."

  22. rocktonsam

    we don't hate him because he is a christian dear.
    I instantly hated before i knew HE was christian

    it saved time


  23. padremickey

    I dislikes him cuz he don't know shit 'bout history. Well, he probably don' know shit 'bout Christian history, either, so, yeah, I hates him fer bein' krishin.

  24. x111e7thst

    It is true. I hate him because he is Xtian. And because he is an asswipe. Also because of his hair.

  25. chascates

    Don't lay your assholeism at Jesus' feet. What part of Matthew 6:5 don't you understand?
    And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. So eateth shit.

    1. bikerlaureate

      And yea, all of my teachings and commandments do notteth apply when your nation is ruled by the unclean patricians of the ass.

  26. BaldarTFlagass

    To be honest, I hate him for two reasons: because he is a conservative. And the governor of my stupid state.

    Three! Three reasons—he kills a lot of people.

    No wait—FOUR. Four reasons. Conservative, governor of my state, psychopathic killer, AND Christian.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Our chief weapon is Fear! … and Surprise…our TWO chief weapons are Fear and Suprise! And a fanatical devotion to Manly Jesus…

  27. philpjfry

    It figures a douchebag would ahve a douchebag wife. Which doesn't explain the burning bush. If God hates anybody it must be all these fucks who think God speaks only to them. And why doesn't he ever tell them something intelegent, like stay the fuck home and shut up?

  28. mourningnmerica

    I hate Rick Perry more than I hate Jesus. And not because he mumbles, whereas Jesus was an EXCELLENT speaker. Give him a basket of fish, and that dude could just MESMERIZE an audience. Perry, give him a basket of fish, and he will give them all HPV injections.

    1. poncho_pilot

      if you give a man a fire he'll be warm for a day.

      if you set a man on fire he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

  29. spends2much

    Anita, honey, don't worry, your husband is as paranoid and narcissistic as the rest of the candidates, so I'm sure Jeebus had a nice talk with him about his future goals.

    Can the next GOP debate be a smackdown over who God really wants running against Obama? Please?

    1. Generation[redacted]

      I want each candidate to bring affidavits documenting the exact times when God spoke to them. Only then can we make a fair comparison.

  30. dogscantlookup

    The Ronnie Dobbs defense.
    I thought that my home was my castle / With no one scrutinizing me / No pigs, no lyin' bitch, no hassle / Y'all are brutalizing' me / Can't a man not drink his beer in silence? / Can't a man not crudely lie and scream? / Can't a man not control his bitch with violence? / Y'all are brutalizing me

  31. GlowneyHouse

    I'm confused. When one of these guys talks about entering the race, the first thing they tell the mouth-breathers is "Well, I'm going to talk to my family and pray about it…" So obviously, the fact they are in the race shows they all think they got the thumbs-up from the big guy. Is god just telling them all "Sure, go ahead" for the lulz?

    1. user-of-owls

      Well, all except for Christie, whose Sacred Chocolate Eclair said, "People hate you fatso, sit this one out."

  32. RadioOcupados

    I hate dumb fucks who are smug, think they are smarter than they actually are, or easily fool other dumb fucks. I also am not fond of that texas bitch drawl.

    1. Barrelhse

      Anita, honey, come over here for a minute and we'll show you a whole new meaning for "brutalized."

  33. Gorillionaire

    Damn and here I thought his wife was Katy Perry. Well sure sucks to be you Rick. Also, I hate you. For being stupid.

  34. Callyson

    ”We are being brutalized by our opponents, and our own party."
    Um, Anita, if you think a little intra – party criticism amounts to brutalization, I'd love to see how you react to a general election…
    …and I would be happy to show you what a truly brutal attack on Rick Perry looks like: take a big helping of factual information, add some common sense, and there you are…

    1. user-of-owls

      a little intra – party criticism amounts to brutalization

      It IS brutal! In fact, strapping 234 people to a gurney and poisoning them to death PALES by comparison to the brutality of the mean things they're saying about Rick.

    2. tessiee

      "I would be happy to show you what a truly brutal attack on Rick Perry looks like: take a big helping of factual information, add some common sense, and there you are… "

      And baseball bats, don't forget the baseball bats.

    3. tessiee

      ”We are being brutalized by our opponents, and our own party."

      Another reason why I hate Sarah Palin is that she popularized that meme where anything that is not fawning, groveling praise is pickin' on her, and her family, and all the leukemia kids in the hospital, and handicapped puppies. Now they all do it.

  35. owhatever

    No, Anita, it wasn't a burning bush. It was the whole damned state of Texas that was on fire. Somehow, the Rickerhead saw that as a message to cut fire-fighting budgets and run for president. The God laffs, ha-ha.

  36. spends2much

    And isn't crying persecution a registered trademark of Sarah Palin Incorporated? Anita, you don't want to piss her off!

    1. glamourdammerung

      Conservativism is all about being a victim. When not screaming about murdering people you dislike/disagree with, anyway.

    1. Nostrildamus

      Millions in preventable Texas insurance losses is Rick's way of telling State Farm they need to up their campaign contributions.

  37. Come here a minute

    Humblest apologies, Mrs. Texas FLOTSOT, but the Flying Spaghetti Monster endorses President Obama, because he still,even after everything, enjoys saying "President Obama".

  38. metamarcisf

    His wife should be grateful that ANYBODY is supporting a guy related to professional Journey douchbag Steve Perry.

        1. natoslug

          Forget your earplugs and you won't have to ask "Who's Crying Now?" as she give you lovin', touchin', squeezin', Any Way You Want It. Okay, time to fire up "A Love Supreme" and see if Coltrane can wash away the memories of 80's arena rock.

  39. rocktonsam

    you've lost half of your support in the polls idiot.

    of course they hate you.

    now go home and scrape that paint of the niggerhead rock

  40. DemonicRage

    9-9-9. 9-9-9. 9-9-9. 9-9-9. That's all we have to keep saying for next 9 years. One year until Cain is elected and then eight years after that. This is the answer to ANY question.

    1. schvitzatura

      Waiting for Las Vegas novelty Herman Cain slots, where you win the jackpot with 9-9-9 in a row!

  41. outragedcitizen

    Wait! The last time God picked some asshole from Texas to run the country it didn't work out so well. Am I to believe that we are fated to endure it again?

    Thanks a lot, God!

    1. tessiee

      Well, to be strictly accurate, the asshole in question was a spoiled rich kid of almost unimaginable wealth and privilege from Connecticut, who was pretending to be a regular guy from Texas so the people of Wal-Mart would "want to have a beer with him".
      Oh, yeah, and God didn't pick him. The Supreme Court did.

  42. Nostrildamus

    I don't hate him because he's Christian. I hate him because he's willfully ignorant of science, hates on gays, cheers at capital punishment, and, and,…. hmmm, my argument seems to be breaking down.

  43. 4TheTurnstiles

    Best part: he's still very able to win the nomination. Why? Because he's not Romney, and of all the non-Romneys, he has a ground game in primary states and money in the bank. He's an incompetent fuck but so was W. If he consolidates the teabagger evangelical set, he can wrap this thing up and lose to Obama in a landslide.

    1. Rotundo_

      The repub race to the bottom is so volatile propane seems tame. It's like a thirteen year old infatuation that just jumps from one "not the mormon" to another. I suppose that the Baggers will suddenly realize the pizza guy is a near and then it will be on to the next one. Problem is, that they're getting down to Newtie and Santorum and even repubs have some standards. It must suck to be them and have anyone who hasn't shit the bed completely sit out the race. Jeb can't trade on the Bush name for at least another 4 years or more, and the rest of the lot (Ryan gets mentioned frequently) suck as well. Who do they have that isn't a pile of shit?

      1. ShaveTheWhales

        Now really, cricket is less boring than baseball. But, admittedly, more interminable. Especially tests.

  44. Toomush_Infer

    "Is that a good check or a bad check, Jesus?"
    "What do you think, Rick?"
    "It's a bad check…"

  45. user-of-owls

    Just a correction. There were some technical problems in one of Cain's recent interviews on the Golf Channel which cut the last few words of his response. So actually, he's been on the kable programs 999,999.999 times.

  46. Mort_Sinclair

    Oh my gawd, can't we just grab a cheap utility tool knife and hack Texas off like a forearm pinned between a wall and a 600-pound boulder? Think of the renewed sense of life and purpose we'd have….

  47. ibwilliamsi

    Actually, we hate him because he's a blasphemous heathen. Jesus wouldn't try to pull any of that Rick Perry bullshit.

    1. fuflans

      holy shit. i've had that magnet on my fridge for like 12 years.

      hats off to you ibwilliamsi and now i have to crack another bottle of wine.

  48. user-of-owls

    So when some people say uncomplimentary things about you in the midst of an electoral campaign, that's a test from God? Not, for example, when every last milliliter of life-sustaining water is drained from the state you govern and it is then turned into a sea of fire and death?

    Did I get that right Anita?

  49. seppdecker

    Texas logic – Brutalization is being asked to show a shred of competence for the presidency. Killing innocent people is justice. Down is up, etc.

  50. ttommyunger

    So now he's so scared and flummoxed by his falling poll numbers he's reduced to trotting his worn-out piece-of-ass wife to play the victim card for him because he's supposedly a member of the majority religion in America? That's just lame.

    1. RadioOcupados

      Exactly. What amazes me even more is the dumbass teabaggers who thought this guy was great 3-4 weeks ago and now, whatever. These fucks are more fickle than a cat with ADHD.

  51. Chichikovovich

    I do sympathize with Rick and Anita's understandable mistake. They read Judges 15:15, where it talks of Sampson laying waste to his enemies using the jawbone of an ass. Who can blame Rick for thinking that God was speaking to him with that passage.

  52. Antispandex

    " Americans hate Rick Perry, it turns out, because Americans hate Jesus."

    Maybe,,,, just maybe, Jesus hates Rick Perry? I mean Jesus is biased in favor of the poor, so… I don't know, I'll ask him and get back to you.

  53. BarackMyWorld

    You know who else tested Rick? His college professors. Rick didn't do too well those times, either.

  54. glamourdammerung

    Besides the really blatant bits about not killing and not being dishonest among other bits of Christianity that Perry and friends choice to ignore, there is a very strongly implied "do not try to be an abrasive jackass" rule.

  55. comrad_darkness

    "And they may feel like God called them too. But I truly feel like we are here for that purpose."

    Oh yeah. Totally give these people the keys to the launch codes.

    1. tessiee

      Translation: "You may feel like you're supposed to run the show, but I *really really* feel like *I'm* supposed to run the show".

      Ooh, good comeback.
      \Groundskeeper Willie\

  56. Beck_is_Trig

    You know…back in the good old days of Christian Europe, the period these 'tards adore and wish to repeat Ricky boy, Pizza Man and Crazy Eyes would have each in turn smote the other for saying god "chose them to run." So logically,…either their entire religion is a fraud or instead they are (to state the obvious). Why these ULTRA right wing Christian douchemonkeys who parade them each out in course while playing to that particular claim don't sit and think for a moment that god likes his "chosen ones" to occur one at a time and therefore logically ALL of these 'tards are liars and therefore crazy people is beyond me…No, actually I get why…it's the same reason they're Christian conservatives to begin with, "why do any thinkin' when pastor Howard Goober tells me what to think, uh hyuk!" __Oh, and the fact that trying to greet any of these people with this earth-shattering logical paradox would be received with a really dull-witted looking smug smile and no answer makes this paradox all the more humorous….

  57. Negropolis

    Ms. Thigpen, we hate your man because he's an unapologetic, muderous dick. Hell, I wish that all he was was a Christian. Behind every strangely conservative man stands an equally strange conservative woman, I guess. Oh, and a rentboy and mistress. Also.

    Rick is testing, all right. He's testing my last, damned nerve is what he's testing.

    BTW, John Goodman is on Jimmy Kimmel, right now, and the guy is sweating more profusely than a hooker at church.

  58. mrblifil

    God probably was distracted when he told Rick to run. His attention was diverted by some Central American relief pitcher thanking him for allowing his slider to catch the outside edge for a called third strike.

  59. fartknocker

    Anita, talking about God "calling" on your hubby to run for President and then being "attacked" for your religion? Your husband is being attacked (as you portray it) because he is a half-wit dipshit who panders to wingnut prayer rallies but has no acumen concerning U.S. or world history. He's nothing more than a middle-aged Texas A&M yell leader who interferes with things he has no knowledge of.

    Your hubby's Prayerapalooza was nothing more than a side show. Mean while, Texas burned in August and September and neither of you were there for the people of Texas.

    Shut your pie holes Rick and Anita. We in Austin couldn't give a rats ass and we damn sure know that you haven't behaved as leaders in Texas,and your husband is not qualified to serve as President of the U.S.

  60. Mojopo

    Actually, ma'am, Rick has failed God. God specifically told Rick to git er done for Jesus, and Rick showed up incoherent and unprepared. You both get an F, which stands for Fire – as in Lake of.

  61. stew1

    Thought this was clever: Herman Cain, 9-9-9 / Perry, 9-1-1
    (of course God is the only true emergency dispatcher).

  62. ShaveTheWhales

    I'm pretty sure I'd hate Rick Perry if he were a fucking agnostic. It's what he says and does, Anita, not what he pretends to believe.

  63. carlgt1

    oh yeah, Jesus is so close to Rick Perry that the sign on the cross – "INRI" – is shorthand for "NIGGERHEAD"

    sorry Repugs — Jesus just isn't that into you….

  64. glamourdammerung

    "I go the way that Providence dictates with the assurance of a sleepwalker. "

    – Christian conservative Adolf Hitler

  65. schvitzatura

    Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, Miss Anita.

    In short, tell your man to "man up", grow a pair, and fight like a buckin' bronc against these apostate pretenders to the throne.

    Veni, Vidi, Vici, beotch!

  66. MiniMencken

    Wow, she's jus' so good & Christian and all, why I would wonder about how she explains that hunky carpenter ol' Rick was keepin' in a lil' ol' apartment in Austin. I reckon she is jus' tech'd by the Lord, is what it is. It's a beautiful thing, it is.

  67. Comrade Wingtard

    "I think Americans just don't know sometimes which Mitt Romney they're dealing with. Is it the Mitt Romney that was on the side of against the Second amendment before he was for the Second Amendment? Was it was before he was before these social programs, uhm, from the standpoint of he was for? Uh, standing up for Roe vs. Wade, before he was aginst versus, Roe versus Wade? Uh, he uh, was for race to the top, uh, he's for Obama … Care and now he's against it. I mean we'll wait until tomorrow and see which Mitt Romney we're really talking to tonight." –Rick Perry, President of the World

  68. Negropolis

    Shorter Anita Thigpen Perry: "Don't hate us 'cause we're beautiful."

    That's right, Rick is being hated on because he just loves America and the Baby Jesus so much. Newton Gingrich already tried this route, Mrs. Perry. Come up with your own game. Next.

  69. Negropolis

    OT: Looks like Brookfield has decided against cleaning Zucotti, today. Must have got cold feet. This is a win for the protestors. Meanwhile, news out of Denver has the police in riot gear clearing the capitol grounds.

    Occupy Detroit is happening this afternoon and evening. Look out for it. If they get enough people, they've planned a 60-day occupation at Grand Circus Park in the heart of downtown Detroit.

  70. bflrtsplk

    If being Christian means the same thing as being an out and out jerk, maybe Madame Perry is onto something.

  71. mereoblivion

    Ain't read every one of the posts so apols if someone else has 'fessed up before me, but: I hated Jesus before I ever heard of Rick Perry. (No wait: I hated, uhm, Rand Perry before he was was versus Jesus . . . Care . . . )

  72. Ducksworthy

    Ricky is fading so fast that I may not get a chance to repeat the line but somebody said: "Rick Perry is W but without the humility or intelligence."

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I saw the lovely Jim Hightower say that when the P-man first announced, and I thought he was being funny – I thought W is a dumb as they come. Turns out he was giving ol Rick too much credit. I still think Jesus' boy is gonna rise again – he'll take over for Herm when people realize TAXES and then battle it out with the MORMON (once the 20million who voted against gays for W know – because they really still don't know – what the LDS is, it is going to freak the hell out of people) Should be interesting to watch!

      1. PalinzADummy

        I don't know WHAT to think of Perry at this point, except that he went down faster than a five-dollar hooker. I wonder if we can say goodbye to that rat-thatched, lipless, squinty-eyed visage forever, or will we have to wait while this long, bitter, undignified, clawing to the top continues?

  73. chicken_thief

    From Jesus' (lack of) response to Perry's prayer for rain, I'd say that he hates the fucker, too.

  74. Eve8Apples

    God is testing him.

    According to Perry's Texas A & M student transcript, he's not much of test taker.

    I'd say Perry's in big trouble if God is administering a test.

  75. Ramon X

    Would God call more than one candidate to run? Wouldn't that be like can God make a rock that he can't lift? Maybe he's just laying off his bets. On the other hand, wouldn't he already know who's going to win?

  76. LibertyLover

    I think I know what happened.

    They're taking God's favorite soap opera off the air (All My Children) and God needed more daytime entertainment, so he told a bunch of different conservatives (Bachmann, Santorum, Perry and Cain) that they should all run for the office of the POTUS.

    The Almighty was just messin' with them. The GOPers are all just pawns in his own personal reality TV show.

  77. edconley7

    I don't hate Rick Perry because he's a christian. I hate him because of his hair.

    It's just as valid!!!!

  78. HolyCow!!

    Perry to Mormons: "Drop dead." Perry just comes across as smarmy. His Jesus loving (man loving?) is more of a stage prop than anything else.

  79. awwalk56

    I'll never understand god lying to all these people. What a prick. He told michelle bachmann to run then put the screws to her (he also punked her with marrying the gay guy). He lied to rectal drip rick and shows no respect at all for cowpie perry. He pulled the same stunt on rev. robertson in 88. What a prick. I can't wait until he lets the baggers know that cain is black. Now that will be funny.

  80. Morgellon XIV

    We hate him because he does not wear eyebrow merkins. And because he is a flaming hypocrytical buffoon fucknugget douchenozzle pissant shitwad genital maggot.

  81. _Sola_

    Dear Anita,

    I'm pretty sure that people don't like your husband because he is a wanker. Not because he is a Christian.



  82. 4TheTurnstiles

    Yes, America hates that Jesus, when he is not building her house, cleaning her yard, harvesting her food, or filling her fleeting sexual fantasies. Fuck that Jesus. Again and again.

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