Hello comrades. We have a mission for you, should you choose to click/accept it, etc.
Wonkette Propaganda Industries & Co. is preparing a Digg-style story submission system to replace our current unwieldy and underutilized tips@wonkette mail list. What this means is simply that we would like to gauge interest in such a public forum where you would use your existing commenter accounts to submit stuff for Wonkette. And readers could vote the things up or down, a la Reddit/Digg, and your comments about whatever ridiculous/outrageous newslinks would add to the fun/horror. (Sensitive/anonymous tips will always be accepted and appreciated through the usual tips line.)
So how do we test if there’s interest in such a thing? We use a post like this for some story submissions. And then we all use the little thumbs-up buddy to vote a story up, theoretically. And then the Web Developers will say, “Oh yeah, the Wonkette Commenting Squad is all over this,” and then they will figure out a way to bill us a hundred hours for some open-source thing they found in a porn bit torrent, the end.
THANKS FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION, and here’s a good example of such a story submission comment from earlier today.
{ 176 comments }
But how will this help Sarah Palin?
T
Of course!
All of them, ttommy.
In what respect, ttommy?
None, no respect at all.
Needs more stories about Blackberries on Mars.
I'm always in for more upfisting.
Moar Vitter diaper stories
Maybe Wonkette can get Pampers to sponsor them.
I don't know about this. Have you read some of the comments; these people are freaks.
(Actually, I'm all for this. I'm still upset Wonkette missed the Herman Cain Pokemon plagiarism scandal.)
There is so much we miss, just because we've got about a dozen things a day and there are usually at least twenty freak stories requiring the wonkette treatment (ritual sodomy).
Or do we participate like this:
Obama Richest Man in World! http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/10/13/us-usa-...
In depth article on "Why does Jeebus hate Rick Perry?" please.
Will Kortney be on the submission page?
Actually, I think the submission page will end up being more popular, then no-one will bother commenting on the front page.
My brain hurts.
This sounds a lot like CNN.
Or CNNt.
Or CNN-Drudge.
Can we have CNN's old Andy-Rooney knockoff Mac McJackerfy read the messages on the air? Cuz that would be awesome.
I don't understand and fear change.
I will try it, after I'm sober enough to understand it.
(Eventually that moment will arrive, right, Ken?)
~
Not if you're lucky.
Were we to all actually get shipped to Afghanistan… the entire boatload of us, powered by the tar and witgeist of the commentariat.. now that would be a story
Are terror babies panhandling on the dirt streets of a Mississippi GOP's rentboy's private gun shop?
How is Sarah Palin victimized by this?
I'll say it again: What could possibly go wrong?
I tell you, all of you that are flipant about Journamalism at wonkette do me a favor show this story to the rest of your presumpteous, arrogant,
monsters, have a laugh at this story. Sarcastic, nymphs.
No wonder, wonkette does not allow tips.
God I love you Extemp.
try to find a job that you are all unemployed, or at least outside the house since occasionallt.
Wait. I thought Wonkette didn't allow comments. So how am I replying to this classic mash-up? Forza Nookie!!!
Do these stories have to be true or can we write in the style of those guys over at RedState?
Ehh, democracy is for chumps. I prefer the gracious dictatorship of the Wonkette overlords that leaves the underclass chattering down here in the comments.
OK, I have a story about 3 naive bears and a Big Bad Wall Street Wolf.
And there's going to be a captivating investor who looks like Charlize Theron, some freak named Bush who did way too much coke, and an evil organization called the W.A.P.O. that wants to brainwash everybody.
Also, it will have a young wizard named Riley, his comely and brilliant assistant Kirsten, and their crazy but brilliant uncle Ken.
A robot from outer space named Sorosbot will beam down to the planet to try and help, but our ways are so illogical to him that he mostly makes sarcastic comments.
~
"… Bush who did way too much Koch."
– fixed
Don't forget to make Kirsten speak in really, really long sentences. Like, "Riley, you've found the center of this story the way Brietbart finds a prospective boy-toy at a speed-dating hook-up disguised as family values conference with a 24×7 happy hour."
So does any link count as a potential story submission? And are the votes for the comment supposed to be taken as votes to have a Wonkette post on the submitted story? And if I link to this story about Michele Bachmann ignorantly proposing higher taxes does that count, or do I have to it in a non-embedded link?
Okay, that's all my questions for now — but I don't have a problem with using the tips email, either.
The Democrats in Congress are not only pussies, they are also imaginationless dolts. The obvious response to this should be "sure, you betcha."
And Bachmann calls it the "economic miracle of the 1980s". But far more jobs were created under Bill Clinton. By MB's reasoning, we should go back to the Clinton rates. (Plus — I say — a gas tax to pay for all foreign military operations. Everyone pays for war.)
Is there going to be a mechanism to prevent it from being yet another expression of Breitards' impotent rage?
Everything is an expression of Breitards' impotent rage.
I sense a disturbance in The Force.
If you just changed the name to TITS@WONKETTE.COM HOTLINE, a lot of problems would be solved right there.
I'm sorry. There was something about porn?
What stories? I thought these were all true facts.
I has a confused, but that is nothing new. On your linkie to page 2 of the Bloomers post, There were only two poster children who make postings that had linkies to other items. Those were BaldarTFlagass' & mine. We both got 4p for our postings, which are not exactly hosannas in the highest from the Wonketteriate. So Ken, are you asking the multitude to drain your bandwidth with similar drivel?
I am more than happy to have multitudes draining me.
What? Oh.
TMI. Should have left it at "I am more than happy to have multitudes".
I'm not sure if that's an Intense Debate problem or a browser problem … I think the link is to SorosBot's comment on the first page. But sometimes when I click on a link (like if I want to go to the site to respond to someone's response to my comment), I bet booted to the end of the comment stream instead of the right spot.
I think the problem comes up whenever comments go long enough to require multiple pages; and I feel honored.
i haz confused.
Via Alex Pareene: http://politics.salon.com/2011/10/13/reuters_geor...
Like that?
Yeah, I loved that investigative technique of "some say" and quoting famous drug addict Rush Limbaugh.
Shit, they're on to us!
Exactly. (Said to the World Champion Wonkette tipster chascates, who both understands and *creates* all news-tip systems, with his mind.)
i'll read anything with a Drudge Siren.
Screw you, teachers and labor unions. I'm spending $125,000 to make sure there are deer to kill: http://www.jsonline.com/news/wisconsin/wisconsin-...
The buck stops here.
Dr. Kroll is the Einstein of deer research. His studies helped start the Quality Deer Management programs. Soon Wisconsin drivers will be running over deer with big, trophy racks!
I'll do it for a dollar.
If I rate every story idea "9-9-9," I take it you'd find that obnoxious.
Yulia Tymonshenko is going to be starring in the next Chained Heat movie.
Shit, not Yulia! I heart her peasant braid. And how the hell is she going to pay back over a billion hrivnas? LOL
How about this. Where were the spontaneous street protests in 2000 and 2004 that led to the ouster of the questionably-elected Dubyah? On that count, Ukraine has us beat.
Mrs Tymoshenko was the heroine of the Western-leaning Orange Revolution – the sudden street protests that erupted after a fraudulent presidential election in 2004 – and was made prime minister shortly afterwards.
She is so hot! At least I think she is. Like Sarah Palin should have been, if she weren't such a… a… well, you know what I mean.
I have no idea what this means, granted I am jet-lagged , having just arrived in LA and it is 94 fucking degrees, but still.
Booo, I was hoping you would be in New York next week, when I will be doing a secret mission. (But yay, that you are probably working in LA, and not starving.)
Oh, damn! I will be back next Saturday though, let me know how I may assist .
Oh, Lizzie! You're maybe going on a real live human date?? With Ken???
[Slinks back to the hidden closet with all the fuzzy, cut-out photos of Lizzie pasted next to an awkwardly smiling ugly bird inside a crudely drawn heart outline]
I will make Ken wear an owl head.
There has been a troubling dearth of "assfucking" stories on the Wonkette as of late …
Well, there is the sky-fucking story thats blazing up the internet this morning, but there was no mention that it was sky ass-fucking, yet. As for me, thats when I will be impressed, when its sky ass-fucking.
Oh sure, it's always the assfucking with you guys. What about the fucking Butterstick stories? Henghh??
Wall Street greed doesn't count?
Metaphorical ass-fucking just not the same as actual ass-fucking.
Read the fucking fine print, you guys:
"… Needless to say, I'll be submitting more stories in the future!"
Storytime:"Dear Wonkette,I never thought this would happen to me, but…"
Patty Murray, the senatorial mom in tennis shoes and co-chair of the Congressional Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction, has been putting acid in the ctte kool aid. Senator Murray is pushing the group to reduce the deficit by eliminating the silly Senate cloture rules and the even sillier Supreme Court.
Is this the kinda story yer looking for Ken?
*FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP*
Wait, what?
Supreme Court huh?
Izzat for real?
This feels kinda like a bait & switch trick to make us do work. I, for one, will sit idly by while I'm dicking around on teh wonkette during work hours.
Haha that would be smart of me. My actual logic is more along the "we are wasting 50 news tips a day and also probably pissing off the people who don't see their news tips turn into Wonkette posts." But if anyone actually wants to do all the editorial work, too … I'll be in the Bahamas.
I'm not sure I grasp this plan fully, but I'm 100% for it. I think. But I don't know how many more Wonkette stories I can read all the comments to. You know what I mean?
I'm reminded of the "Fuck Your Unpaid Internship" sign one of the OWS protesters was holding up.
Sounds like just another way to marginalize the illiterate.
Today, we are all Wonkette Jrs.
Well, we're halfway through our favorite month and no sign of a Cocktober to remember. So the first item on the agenda has to be to uncover/make up naughty business involving wingnut politicians. And would it kill you to run an Amanda Knox story?
"And would it kill you to run an Amanda Knox story?"
Yes, actually. That would probably be the day I unplugged Wonkette and threw the server in the incinerator.
Elitist!
Thank you.
But that's just because you haven't considered her little known middle name. She is actually Amanda Hugankiss Knox
The 'best tip of the month' could get one of those Wonkette T-shirts that are still filling up Ken's horse barn.
The only size he has left would fit
tightloose on a Clydesdale.Those are long gone! The last remaining 13 shirts went from the warehouse to the homeless assistance center in Austin.
So, what, the shirts assist them in becoming homeless? That how it works? Seems kind of rough.
I thought that was the fate of pirate shirts. Too, also.
i shudder to think of what this will produce.
shudder in a good way of course.
Well, if it's a free-for-all, I'll share this link… I did send it to tips, but it obviously didn't make the grade: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-1508299...
I found it interesting as it's actually another sad indictment of corporations: successful, educated individuals get no job satisfaction or security from their 9-5 corporate jobs, so the only way to guarantee yourself some interesting work is to start your own company. You're not risking anything by quitting the corporate job, as your benefits probably have been cut, and you're really just an easily expendable 'resource' to some HR department. And once you start your business, almost everything you do is a tax-free business expense, so you'll probably be better off anyway.
So, fellow Wonketteers, throw off your shackles! Say it with me, I am not a number, I am a free small business owner / job-creator!
Too Long. Did Not Say.
Could we link to an Onion parody story that's funny, then note that, shit, that's actually true, so it's actually kind of sad?
You know how they say some animals can sense impending calamity before it actually strikes?
I'll be at the very top of the highest tree I can find.
Just hootin'
So long as you're not pollutin'
Don't go bringing Putin into this, you skeezy communist.
Do rumors count?
I heard somewhere that San Diego County GOP chairman Tony Krvaric blows goats.
I heard it was REALLY spelled "Kurvaric." And that "Kurva" in Czech means "skanky, santorum-tainted asshole." Or something like that.
Hey, you want accuracy in reporting, go to Media Matters, or something, jeez.
I know some good stories!
Wonkett is a joke website of jokes, and I think it would be weird to participate in the selection of the subject matter for said jokes ahead of time.
Weird.
It's kind of a circle joke… I guess.
Yes! Count me in on this pubic forum.
I see what you did there.
Carl Steadman tried this at Plastic.com. Protip: don't allow comments on the "submitted" stories until they are live on the real site.
As a refugee from Plastic, I have to agree. Also, Carl Steadman yelled at me in chat one night. It was that kind of time.
If we thumbs-up all the stories, won't that make more work for you guys?
Wonkette is a ___job creator.
Do we all get our own fluffers?
I will work for fluffers.
That's the point system.
I'm on board with whatever you want to do EXCEPT that I have to vote against allowing people to vote against. That's so The-last-5,000-years. Let's keep the upfist-only system, if any voting system at all.
[downfist]
[sidefist]
{ouch!}
This is good news for John McCain.
At last! I found a use for all those hundreds of Penthouse letters that I never got around to mailing.
Like it, love it, do it
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/13/herman-c...
Herb Cain dun stole his pizza tax plan from teh gamerz.
i thought he stole it from Public television
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q53GmMCqmAM
I'm all in favor of a submission page, but for balance, shouldn't there be a domination page, too? (flexes riding crop)
<–Applicants Supplicants–>
^Suppositories^
Thank you sir, may I have another?
Radios appear.
Will this idea make more sense when I'm sober? 'cuz if so, it's going to be a long wait.
One of the more retarded of the heroically retarded fraternities on campus decided to hang a "One Percent" banner off the balcony of its fetid house. Which sits directly next to a Bank of America branch. Which had attracted a small but hale group of Occupy The Town Where Owls Teaches folks. Which led me to track down every member of that fraternity currently enrolled in my classes and flunk every last fucking one of them.
Ok, I made the last part up. Does it still count?
Dekes?
Dicks.
Deke Nuke-Em! (Forever)
Well, if you aren't going to flunk them all, could you at least grade them a little tougher? I'm sure they want to stand on the strength of their intelligence and hard work. And no grading on a curve! Curves are just a hidden entitlement system! And charge them 3 bucks for the cupcakes at the bake sale.
Now that I've had another beer, it's beginning to come into focus what worries me about this plan. If I understand it right, and I probably don't. But my concern would be that what makes Wonkette great (okay, good) is the quality of story coverage, not the quantity. By which I mean, not only is the original item thoughtfully selected and very well written up, it succeeds in inciting a lengthy discourse among the Wonketeratti, which tends to be funny, and informative, and satisfying. So, my advice is to be sure to not throw out the baby with the bathwater. Does this make any sense? Sorry if not.
Beer brings everything into focus.
Okay, so, I've re-read Ken's intro description, and I'm supposed to vote a story submission within the comments up or down? What if I think the story isn't that good but I like the comment? How can I distribute my upfist proportionately to my authentic feelings about these things? Can I give a partial fist?
Once upon a time, Sara K. Smith ran a story tip that I submitted. It was about junkie Redneck Wallabies, actual wallabies in Tasmania that were actually addicted to opium. Not exactly "hot political DC gossip" — I think she ran it just to mock me, but whatever — any attention from Sara was good attention, amirite?
Hey compa…you doing ok? Check in, ok?
I think I'm just going to wait until somebody posts an intelligible explanation of how this is supposed to work and then cut and paste it into my own intelligible explanation.
Or until I sober up sufficiently.
What was that fax number again?
Can I do this offline?
i don't understand – the blog entry simultaneously says it's already live ("here’s a good example [...] from earlier today.") and not live yet ("Wonkette [...] is preparing").
So which is it? Is it live (in which case, what's the link?) or not (in which case, how did the example get submitted?)
"I'LL F*** 'IN DO IT LIVE !!!!!!:
Oh, good grief. Now, I will have to enlist the aid of my IT dept. (teenager) to figure out how to post the red linkies. Please be patient with the not-dead-yet/technologically ignorant but is it just copy/ paste?
Today we are all unpaid interns.
How do I properly install my default mail client? What the fuck does that even mean? If your HITLER e-mail "Tips" thingie will let me preform this operation I'm game.
Owners of Zucotti Park back off: http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/10/14/clea...
Did I do it right? This really confused me last night, but now I am at work and am neither drunk nor stoned.
Rep. Steve King Daydreams About The Good Ol' Days When Only Property Owners Voted
http://politicalcorrection.org/blog/201110040015
Peggy Noonan compares the OWS to the Tea Party and shockingly the OWS is less serious!
http://mediamatters.org/blog/201110110008#.Tpe0Pt...
I'd be willing to play "just the tip" with Wonkette.
I'm in if I can lie about which stories I like. What's the point of having a system if you don't game it?
Are you planning a Reddit like system where the most popular links/stories/posts move to the top of the list? Not that I'd ever have to worry about that, sob.
What? Did Ken leave his Mac out in the rain again?
So if I think there is a story here:
http://news.yahoo.com/cheerleaders-chastised-inap...
I post it where?
This is more Arizona stupidity – apparently this school bored thinks it is better to be a boob than to have a pair of 'em.
I sent you yesterday A WONDERFUL STORY about angry Amish Mobs in violent tonsorial raids, which you failed to publish, so yeah, I'd submit if you're going to ignore my obvious brilliance:
http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/10...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/13/bhutan-r... just for the funny name
Hooray! This sounds like a great way for me to waste more time at work.
What has been entertaining me for the past few minutes…
This story of stupid teacher FB hating on a LGBT History bulletin board – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/13/viki-kno...
The huffpo story links to a pdf that someone grabbed of the orig FB thread before it was deleted – http://www.gardenstateequality.org/knox.pdf
As I'm reading the pdf & wondering about the people involved in the conversation, I see that James Ludolph's FB profile is still public. James Ludolph seems to think that the LGBT bulletin board is somehow teaching kids that they should have anal sex & sex change operations (and he's a bit confused about what that entails, apparently). His FB profile shows his girlfriend to be Kimberly Butler.
The fun part is near the end of the pdf, where Kimberly Butler starts to comment… supporting the LGBT history bulletin board. And, where James Ludolph decides that it's not all that bad after all.
Late to the party on this one – I have to say I just love the idea of school sponsored homosexuality.
The photo of the Saudi Foreign Minister yields teh Lulz.
http://aljazeera.com/news/americas/2011/10/201110...
End of the World Redux. Crazy Preacher Dude doubles down.
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/10/14/rapture-pre...
Hey, everyone knows that 4th time is the charm. I am putting off my dental work until after then just in case. . . .
Kirsten will be all over this sometime next week.
can this be true? is urban-suburban hip-hop is coming back to the GOP? will we have to ask the host gator to find out for sure? oh steeleforum, please be real!
Hey, look — a News Corp subsidiary that does advertising was hacking into a competitor's servers (eleven times over four months) to get their client information. FloorAds, the competitor, sued and won a $29.5 million settlement — although in 2005 when they tried to get someone to bring criminal charges they were unsuccessful.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/2011/10/13...
The vid is 7 minutes long, but very interesting — Rupert's criminal enterprise does the same thing here in the US as it's been doing in the UK. Of course I'm sure he had no idea about what was going on.
What? When did Wonkette become part of the HuffingtonPost conglomerate? ;=D
I'm always sending in tips. Fuck, I was the first on the case with Tim Pawlenty's "southern" accent. Before that annoying Minnesota Public Radio noticed it even. What does a girl have to do?
Too lazy to surf for your own porn, huh Layne?
Hay!
Come on people, mocking the success or not of Wonkette's Enterprise System (WES™) is (of course) acceptable, but that's no excuse to be casting asparagus on their and/or Ken's motives.
I, for Onion, support Wookie's suggestion.
~
I would like a courageous wonketteer to be on the Peggith Nooninghamshire beat. Damn that Newell, going for the money and glory, but some of us without access or stomach to read through this drivel each week demand to have her columns mocked with the appropriate mix of pity, outrage and poop-throwing.
If anyone up high is still reading, here's one actual bit of good news:
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/M/ML_IRAQ_US...
APNewsBreak: US drops plans to keep troops in Iraq
By LARA JAKES and REBECCA SANTANA
BAGHDAD (AP) — The U.S. is abandoning plans to keep U.S. troops in Iraq past a year-end withdrawal deadline, The Associated Press has learned. The decision to pull out fully by January will effectively end more than eight years of U.S. involvement in the Iraq war, despite ongoing concerns about its security forces and the potential for instability.
…
But a senior Obama administration official in Washington confirmed Saturday that all American troops will leave Iraq except for about 160 active-duty soldiers attached to the U.S. Embassy.
You LIE!
Hey, wut? Joe Wilson said it first.
Yanni – New Album and Tour
"This album also has a more rhythmic sound to the compositions which is a little different but when you hear this album you will still recognise it as what people are used to as Yanni music."
"…bask in the music and magic of Yanni when he returns to Singapore on October 21 for a one-night only performance at the Marina Bay Sands as part of his world tour spanning Europe, America and Asia. "
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/entertainm...
Here's a hot story idea – real life superheroes!
http://news.yahoo.com/arrest-marks-growing-pains-...
Tap, tap. Is this thing still on.
Empirical proof that the Lamestream media is anti-Tea Party and pro-Obama, or not.
Pew: Obama gets less favorable media coverage than GOP candidates | Poynter.
http://goo.gl/dcAxt
or for the full details
http://www.journalism.org/analysis_report/cr
You always make me laugh, old thing, but only occasionally so hard my feathers fall out. Excuse me now, there's a comforter-to-be on my floor that I must tend to.
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