CNN Discovers Evidence of Blackberrys On Other Planets

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson 11:09 am October 13, 2011

Woah, NASA, you got SCOOPED BIG TIME. [Twitter via Tech Crunch]

81 comments 2801 Views

{ 81 comments }

ManchuCandidate October 13, 2011 at 11:12 am

I knew it! I should have gone with Verizon instead of Dagobah Wireless.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 13, 2011 at 11:30 am: Tom Cruise uses Xenugular.
~
teebob2000 October 13, 2011 at 3:14 pm: These are not the cell towers you're looking for.

CrunchyKnee October 13, 2011 at 11:12 am

Oh CNN, never change!

OC_Surf_Serf October 13, 2011 at 11:13 am

They lost the Blackberry signal in Uranus?

baconzgood October 13, 2011 at 11:19 am: Tee-Hee

"Your Anus"
Callyson October 13, 2011 at 1:11 pm: Yes, but they figured out the problem: santorum was leaking into the BB rechargers. Caused a huge mess.

nounverb911 October 13, 2011 at 11:13 am

I'm still waiting for the discovery of intelligent life on earth.

WhatTheHeck October 13, 2011 at 11:31 am: You can find them. They are the humans without cell phones.

Steverino247 October 13, 2011 at 11:13 am

Well, every planet that has tools walking around using electronic devices to tell them when to pee.

DaRooster October 13, 2011 at 11:25 am

And so they can tell others they are peeing.

Steverino247 October 13, 2011 at 12:19 pm: How I could forget that?! Thanks, Rooster!

SorosBot October 13, 2011 at 11:14 am

Just almost every planet though, so a few must be safe; my guess would be that Venus, with it's nearly impenetrable super-thick atmosphere, is safe.

nounverb911 October 13, 2011 at 11:16 am: Sounds like congress.

memzilla October 13, 2011 at 11:14 am

Another RIM job by CNN.

DaRooster October 13, 2011 at 11:14 am

Jupiter has always had horrible service any how… must be all them moons.

baconzgood October 13, 2011 at 11:20 am

I don't know Io's a hot spot

(rim shot)

poncho_pilot October 13, 2011 at 11:21 am

i find this animated .gif of Jupiter scary.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a...

hilacious October 13, 2011 at 11:57 am

Watch it and hum the "Holy Shit Here Comes JAWS" theme to yourself.

poncho_pilot October 13, 2011 at 12:39 pm

like this? although i'm much more of a music guy than a video guy.
http://www.mediafire.com/?v743o1z6mm45wpf

hilacious October 13, 2011 at 1:05 pm: AHHH!!! Perfect!

nounverb911 October 13, 2011 at 11:14 am

Martin the Martian is not amused.

Sue4466 October 13, 2011 at 11:15 am

If it was intelligent life on these other planets, they'd be using iPhones.

EatsBabyDingos October 13, 2011 at 11:16 am

Here on Zorbloc-1, we have only dingleberries.

DaSandman October 13, 2011 at 11:18 am

Even Planet Claire?

paris biltong October 13, 2011 at 11:28 am: And long-dead Planet Hollywood
EatsBabyDingos October 13, 2011 at 11:39 am: No, they only get AM radio from their Plymouth Satellite. And stale Doritos from under the seat, but with the munchies and no dinero…
Chet Kincaid October 13, 2011 at 1:58 pm: You're immune from outages if you're living in your own private Idaho.
OzoneTom October 13, 2011 at 3:11 pm: Signal keeps Bouncing off the Satellites…

baconzgood October 13, 2011 at 11:18 am

KAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNNNN!!!!!! KAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNNNN!!!!!! KAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNNNN!!!!!!

prommie October 13, 2011 at 11:19 am

Does this mean, wait for it, wait for it, . . .

ET can't phone home?

baconzgood October 13, 2011 at 12:34 pm: We're sorry your call can't be completed as dialed.
CapnFatback October 13, 2011 at 1:00 pm: Yep. And the most likely outcome of this lack of service is that a grounded ET will contract diabetes from constant consumption of Reese's Pieces, swap Elliot's bike for a Hoveround, and join the Tea Party.

GhostBuggy October 13, 2011 at 11:20 am

Well, as long as it doesn't affect users on that terrible planet of the apes…wait a minute…Statue of Liberty….that was Earth! You blew it up! Damn you! God damn you all to hell!

(Thanks Homer!)

Nothingisamiss October 13, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Ok, really? My husband and I actually rewatched this last weekend with a few friends. Did you know Charlton Heston wore tightie whities under his spacesuit? Visible panty lines seemed to suggest it.

"Damn dirty ape! Get your paws off me!"

rahelio October 13, 2011 at 8:46 pm: The words "Charlton Heston" and "panty lines" should not be used near each other but the next time I watch that movie, it'll be impossible for me not to look.

An_Outhouse October 13, 2011 at 11:20 am

I'm gonna be pissed if R.I.M. get the earth destroyed by disgruntled Martians.

SorosBot October 13, 2011 at 11:20 am

So are our solar system's moons effected too? It would explain why I haven't had a response to my latest message to my old friend who's a liquid methane-based lifeform on Titan.

jodyleek October 13, 2011 at 12:11 pm: Ya know, my husband smells like a methane-based lifeform. Does that mean he's some sort of alien? Or just gassy?

BaldarTFlagass October 13, 2011 at 11:20 am

Meh, it's probably only those 7 and 8 paragraph emails that I only read the first three or four sentences of anyway.

Mumbletypeg October 13, 2011 at 11:21 am

Just an observation: I wonder what to make of that ghostly apparition visible up to the left of his shoulder.. . a shape with a pointy top .. don't make me say it…

DaRooster October 13, 2011 at 11:29 am: It's whatever that thing over Romney's shoulder was.

Lucidamente1 October 13, 2011 at 11:25 am

Israeli my ass: I knew Wolf Blitzer was one of the lizard people.

proudgrampa October 13, 2011 at 11:25 am

That's funny, I got my messages from Tau Ceti this morning OK.

paris biltong October 13, 2011 at 11:26 am

Blackberries swallowed by a black hole?

weejee October 13, 2011 at 11:27 am

Those apes are missing an opposable thumb anyway. Texting will be soooooo slooooow.

Texan_Bulldog October 13, 2011 at 11:27 am

Planet? Continent? What's the difference? It's like Rick Perry is writing their chyron.

Pragmatist2 October 13, 2011 at 11:27 am

Proof that there is no intelligent life out there.

ColonelDoctor October 13, 2011 at 11:28 am

THAT's why I haven't heard from the Student Loan Overlords today.

widestanceshakedown October 13, 2011 at 11:33 am

Fox-y.

meatlofer October 13, 2011 at 11:33 am

The story is all wrong.Not Blackberrys! Black Babies! Sarah Palin's and Glenn Rice's black babies.They sent them to her home planet, Dumbfuckery just north of Mercury.

Chet Kincaid October 13, 2011 at 11:35 am

There is an Intergalactic War coming between the Mormons and the Scientologists!! CNN has already been compromised – the Mormon Control Shroud is in the background of that screen-cap, just like in Romney's governor painting!!

proudgrampa October 13, 2011 at 11:43 am

Maybe you can submit a script for a Tom Cruise / John Travolta / Osmond Brothers movie about this. I think it could work!

Biel_ze_Bubba October 13, 2011 at 12:59 pm: If they're not interested, Mel Brooks could certainly run with it.

ThundercatHo October 13, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Scientologists would have air superiority but Mormons definately more boots on the ground.

emmelemm October 13, 2011 at 3:49 pm: Which has more money, I wonder? I mean, the Mormon Church is such a much larger organization. However, Scientology has so many richer-than-God motherfuckers.

WhatTheHeck October 13, 2011 at 11:37 am

I may be ok. I don’t have a nationwide plan let alone a universal one.

Not_So_Much October 13, 2011 at 11:39 am

Dingleberries, sure. Blackberries? Nobody even really uses them anymore, do they? I call bullshit.

SayItWithWookies October 13, 2011 at 11:40 am

Have fun on your own planet, Mitt — tech support's 75 light years away.

Rosie_Scenario October 13, 2011 at 11:40 am

Messages sent, messages put on hold. No one can explain it.

tihond October 13, 2011 at 11:50 am

Fox news just reported this. The super read "Blackberry (D) outage…"

hagajim October 13, 2011 at 11:52 am

But without cellphones how would you get the naked girl pics that are taken by said cell phones?

Blueb4sunrise October 13, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Frist!

BarackMyWorld October 13, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic…

johnnyzhivago October 13, 2011 at 12:24 pm

It's no joke – all these other planets have better coverage and cheaper plans.

Redhead October 13, 2011 at 12:40 pm

That explains why Bachmann hasn't been getting the messages from her home planet telling her to return home.

SorosBot October 13, 2011 at 2:06 pm: Bachmann died on the way back to her home plaet.

BlueStateLibel October 13, 2011 at 12:50 pm

A black man is a leading contender for the GOP presidential nomination and now this…what year is it by the way?

Chet Kincaid October 13, 2011 at 1:56 pm: Nobody told you about the asteroid, too, also?

CapnFatback October 13, 2011 at 12:57 pm

♪ ♫ Another girl is texting you now
Another planet is slowing it down ♫ ♪

Biel_ze_Bubba October 13, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Silly CNN … NASA could have told them that interplanetary messages take many years to reach their destination.

CapnFatback October 13, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Wait . . . what planet is this "CNN" from?

HistoriCat October 13, 2011 at 1:15 pm: You've never heard of Centauri News Network?
HobbesEvilTwin October 13, 2011 at 1:20 pm: well, they do pull most of there stories right out of ……..
SorosBot October 13, 2011 at 2:05 pm: They have announcements by Darth Vader, so it must be Tatooine.

OneYieldRegular October 13, 2011 at 1:03 pm