How did we get this picture? We google-image searched 'Shit Pizza.' Try it yourself!He likes the Federal Reserve, still worships Alan Greenspan, took jobs away from tens of thousands of American working people, and wants to not only keep the hated Tax System but has new ideas for adding new federal taxes. Who is this pizza goblin? Herman Cain! For Republicans who’ve steadfastly “battled racism” by calling Barack Obama a “Lyin’ African” and mass emailing those “White House watermelon farm” pictures and yelling the N-word at civil rights hero John Lewis, there is something else about Herman Cain: Herman Cain is also technically a black person, which negates every anti-Tea Party fringe-right thing about him. He’s one of them, haw haw, call us racist now! And as of today, following last night’s delightfully unhinged table tennis debate, Herman Cain is the frontrunner in the GOP “race” for somebody to run against Obama.

You knew Herman was zooming to the top of a remarkable heap last night when Nutbar Michele Bachmann went nuclear and called him a Satanist. And now, according to some poll in some Murdoch capitalist-kleptocracy propaganda sheet that will be lucky to survive the year, The Godfather of Slashing Jobs and Crushing Dreams is ahead (by a few points) of Mitt “Poor Little Rich Boy” Romney, the unloved Martian Demon Worshiper from Moneyland.

But the Reuters poll says Romney is still the frontrunner, so never mind! And Ron Paul is in third place. GO RON PAUL! [NBC/WSJ Poll/Reuters]

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  • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

    Cream rises to the top.

    "Nah-yun, nah-yun, nah-yun! Jobs, jobs, jobs!"

    "Yo reasonin is INcorrect!"

    This guy is gonna be so much fun before he flames out into obscurity. He already sounds amped well past the tolerance of what his breakers can handle. Wait'll some vicious and hostile NYT reporter like Elizabeth Bumiller starts to give him the "New York treatment."

    • Even more, wait 'til he gets Wagged by Riley. That'll be a tail tale.

      • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

        You'll make any pun, won't you? Admirable!

        • I had shame surgically removed years ago.

          • emmelemm

            Did health insurance cover that?

          • LetUsBray

            Well, since having that procedure is pretty much mandatory to reach the upper echelons of the health insurance industry, they would have to be flagrant, bald-faced hypocrites to deny coverage for it to customers.

            So, no, they didn't.

    • bumfug

      "Cream rises to the top"?

      More like "Shit floats".

      • schvitzatura

        999 and 44/100% pure!

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      you know who else said NEIN, NEIN, NEIN?!?!

  • Crank_Tango

    For a party that hates affirmative action so bad, they seem to love affirmative action. Weird.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Remember who the GNoP imported into Illinois to run against Mr. Obama – Alan Keyes.

      You got a Black guy. Hey – we got a Black guy!

      • neiltheblaze

        Let's not forget Michael Steele. He only got his RNC gig to prove Republicans we somehow not a bunch of sheet-wearing racist cretins – which, of course, is what they actually are.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Well, they also hate the ghey. And who has the most out-of-the-closet scandals?

      And they hate the abortion. But which states have the highest abortion levels?

      And they say they're the most moral. But which states buy the most pron?

      • DustBowlBlues

        And where are divorce rates the highest?

      • MilwaukeeKent

        Highest divorce rate, lowest literacy, the list goes on and on. Them loyal Red States are also most likely to be wards of the federal government, taking more money from the Feds than they pay in taxes as a whole.
        Tips of the hat to Georgia and Alabama:
        "Now, how do we get our crops to rot in the field?"
        "Got an idea, let's chase out all the brown-skinned people."
        "Sounds good, get 'er done."

        • Dashboard_Jesus

          well said, but that's "GIT 'er done" (gotta use the *correct* redneck/ moron pronunciation :)

          • MilwaukeeKent

            Stand corrected. I now got Git!

      • glamourdammerung

        They also have the most murders.

    • SayItWithWookies

      They believe, per the example of Clarence Thomas f'rinstance, that if they can use affirmative action to get to a position where they can dismantle affirmative action then that's a perfectly legitimate strategy.
      Which makes sense to a point — but they take it too far when they assume that anyone who voted for Hillary will naturally be inclined to vote for Sarah Palin. Then they're projecting a shallowness on their adversaries that isn't there.

    • LetUsBray

      Hey, there may be about 14 African-American Republicans in the whole country, and every single one of them may have his own talk show, syndicated column, presidential candidacy, or seat on the supreme court, but if you notice that, why then, you're the REAL racist.

      • DustBowlBlues

        My theory on black Republics exactly. There's too much competition to be important in the Democratic party, where we have so many minorities you have to actually be talented and smart to get to the top. Talentless, dumb black folks with ambition and no integrity and can be important in no time among the racists in the Republic party.

        • Ditto comedians. See, e.g., Dennis Miller and/or Victoria Jackson.

          • nonbeliever7

            Jackson's a comedian? Can't be.

    • snarkycomments

      Clarence Thomas is busily writing a withering rebuttal to your comment.

      • flamingpdog

        Scalia is dictating it to him.

        • nonbeliever7

          While getting a BJ from Mrs. Thomas. It's all part of the deal.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Chitterlings Pizza?

    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Read the alt-text. But don't do what it says.

      • Blueb4sunrise

        Shit Pizza?

  • e_z

    Nein! Nein! Nein!

    • RadioOcupados

      I know, I know *waving hand furiously*, Deutschen fraulein in the Spring of '45.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Shelly cries back, "Sex, Sex, Sex!"

    • memzilla

      I have decoded "9-9-9."

      Take 9/11, and add 88, the number of keys in a piano.

      Rudy Giuliani + Alan Keyes = Herman Cain!

      • That is fucking genius.

      • Negropolis

        Needz moar Glenn Beck chalkboard.

    • schvitzatura

      Nyan! Nyan! Nyan!

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      excellent, didn't take long either…you know who ELSE said "nein, nein, nein!"?

  • Arken

    And yet this is all he did during the debate…

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      he held giant panty shields to his face?

      • Arken

        Actually, it's his solution for making the country more dough.

        • snackypants

          That dough is made of ground up hobo beans.

          • Arken

            So is Herman Cain's 9-9-9 plan.

          • flamingpdog

            That dough is made of ground up hobos.


            SOYLENT BEAN IS HOBOS!!1!

  • The picture looks like Pizza the Hut from Space Balls which is a Mel Brooks movie. Not his best but not his worst.

    • Arken

      That's not a very nice thing to say about that lovely portrait of Herb Man Cain.

    • KathrynSane

      It's no Blazing Saddles, that's for sure.

    • Nothingisamiss

      What was his worst, then? SOrry, Spaceballs is it, man….

      • mannacler

        Robin Hood–Men in Tights.

        • Arken

          Dracula- Dead and Loving It.

          Even worse than the Robin Hood one.

    • Allmighty_Manos

      I thought it was hilarious when I was 8. Didn't exactly age well.

  • x111e7thst

    All I need to know about Herman is what flavor of S&M he is into.

    • Arken

      I don't know, but I hear if you want a gimp mask, it's an extra 50 cents.

    • Simple tastes: first some pegging and after a slice of the pepperoni in his pie hole

  • Maybe Hermie can show he's a real Godfather and take out Mittens, the supposedly competent one. Is this the genesis of a Cain slays able redo?

    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Imagine you're a fundamentalist Christian, and a bigot — but I repeat myself. You can't vote for the colored man because look what happened last time, do I have to say more? But you can't vote for Mitt because his superstitions aren't as old as yours. Plus you have no idea of all the great music, art, architecture and literature that have been created to honor your own deity, so you just accept the Ten Commandments as a set of rules like Boyle's Law or the ten postulates of Euclidean geometry. In other words your faith hasn't ever confronted doubt because you literally don't know enough to have any doubts. Which chad are you going to poke out, I ask you? Is this what doubt feels like? Ambiguity — it hurts! Ow! Mommy! Make it stop!

      • RadioOcupados


      • Ideally, you'll have to ingest more Wonkette to overcome your fugacity.

        • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

          How many mho siemens will that take?

      • bikerlaureate

        All the paragons of principled behavior will effectively bypass the amoral election by voting for a staunch pro-life fanatic… whether or not s/he's a nominee. To do anything less would be "lukewarm".

      • Jukesgrrl

        Which Chad? Why the rent-boy, luggage-handler, wide-stance Chad, of course. Are there any others?

        • The one with the most hanging, obvs.

      • zhubajie

        Go for the Muslim-hater!

  • JackObin

    He's a bigger Oreo cookie than Eldrick Woods.

    • You forget Ron Christie

    • Beowoof

      Oreo really is a compliment for this guy. He is just the white creamy stuffing without the chocolate cookie.

      • the_problem_child

        That's not real chocolate anyway.

    • mourningnmerica

      But not bigger than Clarence. Clarence is double stuffed.

    • Eldrick Woods is a World Class Pussy Hound, which is what the majority of American men would be if given license, means and cover.

      • Negropolis

        Yes, but only a World Class Pussy Hound for white meat, apparently. I guess everyone has a preference, but damn, let's be more equal opportunity in our vices. lol

  • Callyson

    He likes the Federal Reserve, still worships Alan Greenspan…Ron Paul is in third place.
    If history repeats itself, the Fed and Bernanke better look out:
    Arizona Senator John McCain, the eventual nominee, was in third place in October 2007

  • Rufus King

    Classic Alinsky attack–use ridicule because it is very hard to fight back against. Fortunately, nobody in the GOP electorate cares what you think and when it comes to the general election, you will have to figure out how to defend four years of Obama. Good luck with that one!

  • Cain/Pepperoni, Mushrooms, and Half Anchovies '12!

  • BarackMyWorld

    This is good news…for Barack Hussein.


      Indeed, would they vote for the black guy or for the half-black one?

      • Teh demoncrap is whiter thanteh god fearing republican!

        ^sound of tiny brains exploding

    • iburl

      …and Hermic Cain.

  • Come here a minute

    Cain's still not beating the Subway FIVE dollar footlong or the Domino's 5-5-5 three medium carryout special. FOUR FOUR FOUR is my best and final offer.

    • RadioOcupados

      I'd rather eat Chucky Disease's pizza than that cardboard, ketchup and glue gruel he was dishing out.

  • Radiotherapy

    For some reason I don't see a campaign visit to Uncle Tom's Pizzeria.

    • Beowoof

      I think you meant that was Uncle Tom delivering a pizza.

    • user-of-owls

      Mooroopna? Seriously?

      Fuckin' stupid Canadian Bacons.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I want to see a Wonkette video of that pro-Hillary hillbilly lady from 2008 drunkenly ranting about how Herman Cain's name contains the name "CAIN! Not Abel, but CAIN! His naaame is CAIN, people! And it also rhymes with HUSSEIN!"

  • RadioOcupados

    Talk about the separation of powers in the post-racial federal gubmint: Clarence Thomas, SCOTUS, Allen West, Congressman and Crappy Pizza King, POTUS.

  • Limeylizzie

    Mormon/Real Black Man 2012

    • bikerlaureate

      Yep. They can both be for Gubmint creating lots of jobs and being unable to create a single job. Simultaneously. Even though we unemployed shitstains deserve what we got. Or don't got. Amen.

  • Tommmcattt

    It's looking better for the Democrats all the time, isn't it? A black man on the ticket for the Party of Racism means low Repug turnout…means we get some of the house back and keep the senate…means Barry might get enough time to pull the country out of this mess after all….

    • FakaktaSouth

      If it could be Romney/Cain or Cain/Romney or however, every "identity politics" idiot I know down below MasonDixon will be so twisted up with the Mormon/Black thing, it will just be delicious. The Perry Preacher Guy is pretty damned representative of a ton of these folks. Once they know they have the choice of a guy who thinks Jesus was in America and turned the Indians brown – and an actual brown – well, it's just beautiful to think about.

    • iburl

      But he may appeal to the base more because of his insane hatred of muslims.

      • Everybody has already forgotten that he walked that back publicly a couple months ago, and then his white base started calling him a traitor.

    • please, please, please

  • WhatTheHeck

    In the annals of American history, there have never been so many candidates desired by so few. Cain is, as we say, a place-holder candidate. The joke’s on him, but he’s not getting the punch line.

    • Geminisunmars

      But the book sales are brisk.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Huh huh. You sayd anals.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Who's the black Repub dick
    That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
    Ya damn right!

    Who is the man that would risk his neck
    For his brother man?
    Can you dig it?

    Who's the cat that won't cop out
    When there's danger all about?
    Right On!

    They say this cat Cain is a bad mother
    I'm talkin' 'bout CAIN.

    He's a complicated man
    But no one understands him but his woman

    • PubOption

      Who will get the Shaft?

      • Generation[redacted]

        All of us, Katie.

    • I don't get it.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      needs more SHAFT!

  • FakaktaSouth

    The guy was born in 1945. He was WAY AWARE of the…shall we say…lack of rights held by black people and the fight for simple recognition by their country. (you know, like the black AND white kids who were MURDERED for their efforts in the voting rights struggle) The fact that he has spent so much time being the black Haley Barbour, talking about how the civil rights "era" really wasn't so bad, and how keeping your head down and not causing no trouble meant there wdn't be no trouble is the most evil and also fairly heartbreaking thing I have ever heard in my life. It's apparently working for him though. Makes me kind of queasy.

    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      It makes white people comfortable. He's not like those trouble-making Negroes, always stirring things up. Listen to them out in the fields, singing their Negro spirituals as they harvest the cotton — do they sound unhappy?

      • FakaktaSouth

        I imagine it fits the narrative of "ANY problems black (or poor, or gay or whatever nowadays) people have, they have brought upon themselves, and absolves whitey of all guilt." That kind of asinine bullshit, particularly from someone who KNOWS it is bullshit, makes me pretty fucking cranky and impatient.

        • snoopyfan2010

          Well get ready because the new generation of voters are buying into this stuff like it is the truth.

        • glamourdammerung

          I guess that explains everyone being so pissy about Jeremiah Wright bringing up the fact that black folks have historical had it kind of rough here yet does not explain how the same clowns then whine about Byrd being in the KKK back in the early 1940s. One would think that conservatism depends on being willfully, aggressively stupid.

        • Negropolis

          This is really the central problem of the Republican Party. They see the lack of wealth and/or the lack of trying to obtain all the fucking money in the world nearly as a sin and moral failing. They honestly consider poverty a religious curse, just about.

          So, yeah, you couple that with someone that show really know better, and it's a mix of scary, pitiful and downright sad. The scary part in particular is the part where they are eerily comfortable and proud of their ignorance and hate.

        • prommie

          This all stems from Calvinist protestant doctrine, which holds that material wealth in this world is a sign of one's predestined salvation. Yes, indeedy, Calvinist protestantism beleives that the wealthy are morally superior, they have been blessed by GOD himself because they are GOOD. Not because they necessarily worked hard, saved, and invested, but because they HAVE FAITH (good works not being required). Conversely, the poor are poor, and the enslaved enslaved, because they are predestined for damnation. So you see, how can you possibly have any moral obligation to help those whom GOD has predestined to damnation for their wickedness? It would be wrong to oppose GOD's plan for them.

          • FakaktaSouth

            H-F-S, so all these bitches at the club are Calvinist cunts all the while thinking they they are Baptists. Huh. Well, lucky me, I get to be an almost-atheist (don't have the conviction for anything but derision) with an attitude AND cash I don't work for. Ta-da!
            Humans are neat-o.

          • prommie

            I'm a lapsed high-church episcopalian, at its high levels, a form of organized agnosticism, with cocktails, and rituals which include gossip, schism, and internecine warfare among Vestry factions. I am oozing with derision, but I wish I had more cash.

          • FakaktaSouth

            High five! I was "raised," married and then baptized 2/3 of my kids in the Episcopal church I don't ever go to! (which is why that third one is going to hell, I just can't seem to get off my ass and get her a banner and candle to put in the closet after they march her down the aisle with the acolytes). I do like the Bishop's hat though. And drinking. (and saying "and also with you" it's so nice to be included, but I hate hugging peace out with some folks) And this church is okay with the gays…today anyway…

          • prommie

            I was a vestryman and then chief warden, but then the congregation freaked out over the gay bishop and I Could Not Deal With The Haters, and have not been back.

          • Negropolis

            I think you heard wrong about Calvinist. They are some of the most austere, stripped-down, and unadorned of the Protestant denominations. I live just west of their bastion in West Michigan, and one good thing I can say about the Calvinist is that they are far less hypocritical than, say, the audacious Baptist down South.

    • Negropolis

      You know, I agree with the commentary that if all he ever did was tell his life story and simply say that the positions he took worked for him, I'd disagree with him, but I'd respect him.

      Where he has totally gone off the rails and offended just about every fair-minded person alive is his near-vocal disdain for what the civil rights movement allowed him to become. Calling the same peple that allowed him to even be up there spouting that bullshit "brainwashed" is beyond reprehensible.

      Let me be blunt, his dog-and-pony is more insidious, more destructive, more dangerous than the Klan, hands down. I'd trust a man that stabbed me in the front any day over the man that stabs me in the back. I don't care that he's a Republican; I care that he's doesn't believe in a thing called society or even believe much in the concept of humanity.

      Cain can go fuck himself, the ungrateful, undeserving dick.

    • ttommyunger

      This Oreo already gave himself away before professional handlers got hold of him. His early rants against Muslims are on videotape and can't be erased. He is a dyed in the wool "I got mine-Fuck You" Conservative, period.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Ron Paul is in third place.

    Ron Paul is always in third place.

    He is the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of Republican politics.

    • DahBoner

      Ron Paul is in third place first place, but that Lamestream Republican Media don't want ya to know about that.


    • SayItWithWookies

      Ron Paul: Second most irrelevant Texan symbol of defeat, after the Alamo.

      I wonder if that would fit on a bumper sticker.

    • glamourdammerung

      He is the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of Republican politics.

      Rosencrantz and Guildenstern hung out with neo-nazis?

    • mumbly_joe

      Presenting the King of England with a letter instructing him to execute the bearers of said letter, because they were betrayed by their paranoid, bipolar "friend", the Prince, is actually a pretty effective metaphor for libertarian politics, in general, I think.

    • zhubajie

      When Ron Paul is your best choice, you're in deep trouble!

    • Dashboard_Jesus


  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    In the end, Mitt Romney will be the nominee, as that is what the party establishment wants.

    In the end, no one will vote for him, because 95% of Republicans are pretty sure he is just Barack Obama with the inability to dunk or dance.

    • ttommyunger

      The wacky 30% would vote for Charles Manson; just because Obama is a Democrat and he's near. Trust me on this one.

  • That is how you do alt-text.

    I'm lookin at you, Kirsten.

  • LiveToServeYa


  • DahBoner

    999 = "We hold the world record in Jumping Jacks!!!!"

  • His 999 plan would be the largest tax increase in history, in that the large number of people will pay more. They're just poor people, so it's their own fault.

  • Schmannnity

    Surely Fred MacMurray and Van Johnson will oust Cain in a mutiny. I wonder if Herman has been saving strawberries for a special occasion.

  • The LAST thing we need is a fucking Baptist minister in the White House.

    • Negropolis

      I know, right? And they call Mormonism a cult. lol

  • And it's Sambo for the win!!

    Clap, clap, clap.

    • comrad_darkness

      Ugh. Sambo was an Indian. As in Dell customer support Indian. the original is here

    • What?

      • I feel somewhat ashamed of that drunken comment I made.It came from hatred of Republicans.If Sharkey offended Chet Kincaid, please accept my most sincere appollojay…On the other hand, Herman Sambo Cain is a muthafuckin secret weapon.

  • Papa John meets Uncle Tom

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    wtf, was Alan Keyes unavailable this cycle?

    • flamingpdog

      He's taking a sabbatical inside Michele Bachmann's head this year.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time
  • rocktonsam

    The Pizza is a near….

    • mourningnmerica

      She Sheriff's a………… delivery Boy.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Off-topic but, hey, the 2nd amendment racked up a little more collateral damage today. Imagine, it's been two whole weeks since I had a reason to post this:

    "Relax! Your paranoid political fantasies notwithstanding, no one's going to take your guns away! Barring some seismic realignment in this country, the gun control debate is all but settled–and your side won. The occasional horrific civilian massacre is just the price the rest of us have to pay. Over and over again, apparently."

    Sparky the Wonder Penguin

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Dok, I think I need medication. I clicked on the link and the first thing I thought about the photo was that 'hair, skin and nails' were the nicknames of the three officers.

    • emmelemm

      That cartoon hurts me. CUZ IT'S TRUE.

      Wasn't there a massacre in CA at a quarry this very week? Two within seven days? Oh well, just the price we have to pay. For our FREEDUMZ.

    • comrad_darkness

      If only it were "occasional".

  • rahelio

    I can see why Republicans dislike affirmative action. Since they always pick the dullest tool in the shed, they are understandably disappointed with the results. Also, they don't care how smart or articulate said minority (women, incl) is since they are merely place holders. Cain is getting just enough positive air time from the Rethugs to provide them with plausibly deniability. "Hey, I'm not racist, one of my best friends is Herman Cain!"

    I'm sure it doesn't help that most of the smart minorities are Muslin-Loving Baby Killin' Socialist Nazis.

    • Chichikovovich

      "Since they always pick the dullest tool in the shed"

      Or rather – only the dullest tools in the shed pick them.

  • He's running for president of his book and publicity tour. This means he doesn't need a ground operation in Iowa or New Hampshire or any other real or fictional primary state (so he doesn't). He doesn't need to raise funds (and he isn't). He's doing the grift, and he's doing it without tits. It's an achievement.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      fucking WIN! of the day IMHO…I was waiting for SOMEONE in the media to point this out but evidently they're ALL in on the griftin" (see $istah $carah…it's easy to understand ignorant white males being caught up in their 'tits in the headlights' Palin fantasies/ circle jerks but WTF does Uncle Herman do for them?)

  • Come here a minute

    Isn't Lincoln Chafee just darling?

    "The appeal you have to make to the Republican primary audience — that's just alien to what's in our best interests as a country."

    • About Mitt he says: "He's a completely different person (than the one courting national office)…“It’s the same thing I saw with John McCain, and I saw with George Pataki and with Rudy Giuliani.”

      Well that partly explains the current ardor over whiz kid Cain. A contingent of voters falls into dozy love with a public persona and to heck with any durability of substance within. It takes root in shallow turf, as teenage crushes without benefit of mature wisdom often do, and soon it'll be loping off toward the next twinkly thing that exudes char-eez-ma.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Cain's appeal is as shallow as a creek — it's a function of how much he's not Mitt Romney times how much the teabaggers can project their own ideals onto him. Remember Chris Christie? Two minutes ago he was the tea party darling — 30 seconds ago he endorsed Mitt, and now he's a RINO traitor. Their vetting process lacks the discretion available to most 18-year-old girls going out for the first time with a fake ID.

  • Chichikovovich

    I remember in the Lloyd Bentsen – Dan Quayle debate, Bentsen made a remark about the then-trendy idea that America was making a transition to a "service-based" economy. Bentsen said "We can't have a strong economy if all we're doing is delivering pizzas to one another."

    To which Cain replies: "Oh yeah? Sez who?"

  • I'm not sure America is ready for a Black President.

    • RadioOcupados

      I'm not sure America is ready for a Real Black Man President.

      • comrad_darkness

        It is true that one really cannot imagine Obama saying "Uzi uzi uzi beck beck beck is stan stan."

    • mourningnmerica

      We may never know.

      • Barack certainly isn't one, since he hasn't eaten Boehner and raped his wife. What?! Liberals can't be racist!

        • mourningnmerica

          If I understand what you mean, and I think I do, you are doing your apologist-in-chief act again. Barry is a big coward. Clinton was way blacker than him.

          I'm not asking him to rape Boehner's wife. And Chet, I'm sure you don't have to worry about Barry being too hard on Boehner. I'm just asking him to stop sucking Boehner's dick. Chet, I'm Sicilian, but I don't support other Sicilians, whether they are fuck ups or not, just because they are Sicilian. And don't use the word racist to me again. Capiche?

          And stop sending me all of that "Free O.J." literature. And is it OK with you if I criticize Clarence Thomas? Or is he off base, too?

  • Antispandex

    No need to worry, massuh aint going to let Hermie run fo no presinents job. Count down to Palin draft resolution in 3,2,1…

  • Dudleydidwrong

    During the days of the First Slavery (prior to the Civil War) there were blacks who owned slaves. Herman would have been one of those owners and he would have sold down the river any who didn't hustle the pizza. Clarence Thomas, on the other hand, would have been a slave trader and would have kept Clarence in pizza delivery folks. They make a cute, cute couple.

    • mourningnmerica

      Clarence Thomas is a slave. Period.

  • fuflans

    so i have been out for the family tragedy count and in the south (shuddering a little bit – though my in-laws are the only liberals in marietta). i landed at LAX tonight and michele bachman was screeching at me from the tv box.

    can someone tell me why?

    • ttommyunger

      Because that's what she calls speaking; and I beg to differ with you: my wife and I have lived in Marietta, Georgia since l980 and we are quite Liberal, thank you very much. Not very popular, but Liberal just the same.

      • fuflans

        HA! i knew someone would answer! but i didn't know it would be my fav tt.

        i should have…

        i love marietta – my boy's family has been there since well, forever. i am a northern lass by way of LA but i bet we all know each other…

        here is a thing: we went to that fab french bakery on powder something road (and 120?) before the funeral yesterday and it rocked.

        • ttommyunger

          Sorry for your loss. Give a jingle next time you pass through and we'll buy you a coffee or some such. 404 372 9907, Tom and Melody Unger.

          • finallyhappy

            Now everyone has your number(or is it really MARTA's info number?)

          • ttommyunger

            I'm aware of that, but really, who wants to call a 70 year-old man, an undertaker?

  • Beck_is_Trig

    Okay…a comment and a question. First, I'd like to note that in the film "Birth of a Nation" there were characters of supposed blackness called "faithful souls" who literally spied for the KKK. Herman Cain represents the defictionalized version of this: since he's ostensibly black he can get away with saying the racist drivel wingnuts have been spamming online for decades with a safety, namely his skin color. Now, I had to review that film for a class and I recommend anyone with a love for the absurd comedy of that kind of worldview being presented straight…or you can save time and read free republic. __Now my question: okay, can anyone tell me why I have so much trouble with intensedebate? I have explorer 9 and for some reason every time I post a comment….it posts here but stays in this box then I cannot post another comment because it doesn't submit when I delete my previous comment. Is there anything I can do to stop this or fix the problem? Just curious….irritates me.

    • snoopyfan2010

      Beck, I sometimes have that problem too. The trick is to ignore the racists since there are a lot of very nice people left in America. Oh yeah and the comment thing can be fixed by clicking on cancel and starting over. At least that worked for me.

    • mourningnmerica

      Hmmm. Herman "Faithful Soul" Cain. I like it. I think I'll start using it, if I don't feel like using "Crazy Bread" on a given day.

  • Negropolis

    Isn't this precious? They found the only black Republican in Atlanta; that's quite a feat.

    Psst. You guys. The Republicans are losing…

    • Terry

      I think there are a few more black Republicans in the business school at Morehouse.

  • owhatever

    Michele raises Herman one, and announces a ten-ten-ten policy to save America from ObamaRomaCare. The Rickerhead would go one even better, but ran out of fingers when counting the ways.

  • Beck_is_Trig

    Also…Pizza Boy was an affirmative action appointment…he was GIVEN the job of CEO of Godfathers by its parent company Pillsbury (thank god I haven't eaten godfathers since 1990) and didn't have to earn anything. Kind of funny how that works, isn't it wingnuts? Everyone should have to EARN their way unless a giant corporation or the Supreme Court decides they should have a job they didn't earn in the first place? Anyway…Pizza Boy is beyond ridiculous. That Rush Limbaugh, the guy who ghost wrote "the Turner Diaries" calls him a "real black man" is just wingnut speak for "faithful soul" (to bring back my Birth of a Nation insult from earlier) is especially telling….the repugs should just elect that old fat pedobear Gingrich so we can throw tomatoes at him…at least that'll be fun and Tiffany's appreciates the free advertising too.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      sweet, who knew the Dough Boy had a pop n' fresh affirmative action, for the coloreds?

  • DahBoner

    I bet PizzaGuy doesn't own 100 turtlenecks….

  • comrad_darkness

    Wouldn't it be fun if Romney took some of Michele's little pills and started screaming at Herman, "You have the mark of Cain! You have the mark of Cain! My holy book says so!!"

    Good times.

  • user-of-owls

    I have a fish in my refrigerator that's gonna last longer than Herman Cain's front-runner status.

    • mourningnmerica

      You have fish on your fuckin' kitchen counter-top that's gonna last longer than Herman Cain's front-runner status. On the fuckin' radiator…

      • user-of-owls

        You're right. Instead of front-runner status, I should have said, "Ability to be recognized by a primary voter in a police lineup."

  • I'll grant you the GOP field is "pretty crazy" – but in my humble opinion, "just not crazy enough"

    What America needs is BASIL MARCEAUX!!!!

    • subsum

      According to his videos on YouTube his name is "Basil Marceaux Dot Com" now.

      • snackypants

        Oh, thank you for reminding me of Basil Marceaux. I miss him.

  • The problem with 999 is that any idiot can come along and go one better with an 888 plan. Then what?? 777??? 666 is not going to play, so we go to 555???

    The smart money is on the person who devises the 111 plan, because you can't go any lower.

    • user-of-owls

      Not until we get a Mayan candidate, that is.

    • RadioOcupados

      Johnny, this shit, mixed with lube and other body fluids is well, they beat you to it.
      Desperate much, Rick? Like a Santorum stain on white satin sheets, this fuzznuts will not go away.

    • mourningnmerica

      You know why Herman Cain is afraid of Michellllle Bachman? "Cause 777 888 999.

  • iburl

    9-9-9 The Number of the Cain
    Cigars blazed
    and champagne flutes were raised
    as they start to fly
    Jetstreams to the sky
    Hobos at night
    the fires are burning bright
    the scrounging has begun
    Satan's pizza's done
    9-9-9 the Number of the Cain
    Sacrifice is going on tonight

    • snackypants

      I bow to your comment.

    • horsedreamer_1

      The Bruce Dickinson?

      • Generation[redacted]

        needz moar cowbell

  • chascates

    FINALLY! A black candidate that doesn't frighten we white people. AND offers coupons for XL and 'mega-meat' pizzas!

  • OT, I'm sitting here waiting 3 hours for my IOS 5 update to download from Apple and I'm thinking – don't call me crass – what if Jobs had some sort of doomsday virus slipped into this update that zillions of people are simultaneously trying to download.

    You know, the helicopter shots of everyone at Apple lying dead around the Cupertino campus after taking poisoned vanilla lattes; fanboys and fangirls (all in on the deal) going out in a blaze of glory by opening a window and jumping out at the same time; no support anywhere???

    I mean what would happen if people couldn't get their blessed tweets and Farmville updates tomorrow morning???


    • RadioOcupados

      The Lion King?

    • chascates

      He always knew he was smarter than other people and wanted to change the world. And there was some quote from a Kurt Vonnegut book where a character said 'when I die the world ends". What a way to be remembered.

      I just wish Apple would sell Macbook Pros and iPads for 1/2 price for a entire year to honor Steve.

  • ttommyunger

    What slays me is all the TeaTards here in the Sovereign State of Dumfukistan singing the praises of Cain as if they thought he actually had a fucking prayer of getting the Nomination, much less the win. No one is supposed to catch on to the the fact that they are using this big racist cunt to beard their irrational hatred for that uppity Obama. They can almost forgive Cain for being black because he's old, fat, got cancer and prolly can't fuck anymore. Barry, on the other hand, no doubt has a dick MUCH bigger AND harder than theirs, a black hottie for a wife (one of their secret fantasy fucks) and to top it off, he is waaaay smarter than they ever dreamed of being. They are not in a happy place and I fucking love it.

    • When Michael Steele, groomed as the anti-Obama went down, the call went far and wide for Bizarro Obama 2.0 and casting came up with…Cain. That would be like losing Tim Allen for the lead in your Xmas film and going with Drew Carey's uncle.

      • ttommyunger

        I like your mind. Prolly closer to the truth than we'll ever know.

    • mourningnmerica

      I agree, particularly about. FLOTUS. Those crackers are jerking off to her picture as we speak. They can't admit it, but they love a big, firm butt. And baby do got back.

      • ttommyunger

        Front ain't bad, either!

  • This is excellent news for John McCain.

  • iburl

    Herman Cain's ad regarding healthcare for 9/11 heroes:

    • stew1

      It is now officially 9/9/9/11.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Does that mean we'e going to attack paki-paki-paki-stan?

  • Troglodeity

    Herman Cain the GOP nominee? What's a poor SkoalRebel to do?

    • BornInATrailer

      Either way, inpeachment proceedings.

  • mourningnmerica

    If he doesn't get the nomination, he should blame himself. Fucking collaborator.

  • mourningnmerica

    On an unrelated subject, some Jews in the concentration camps ratted on other Jews for the Nazis.

    • Negropolis

      In other news, yeah, probably not the smartest example to bring up.

  • El Pinche

    BTW, Godfather's pizza was the worst pizza I've ever tasted. It was pizza sauce on 5 day old bread hermetically sealed by a one inch layer of dried elmer's glue.

  • DocChaos

    Mormon is the new Black. You can't choose your color, but you can choose your cult.

  • AddHomonym

    Herman Cain: Do it! (Does anyone remember that?)

  • Negropolis

    OT: But the occupation movements in Michigan are coming along better than I expected them to. Occupy Detroit's first planning meeting a few days ago was so popular that the church they were holding the meeting at wasn't large enough and the crowd poured out into a nearby park. The group will assemble at city hall on Friday, march up Woodward and occupy Grand Circus Park.

    There is already about a dozen folks camped out in Reutter Park in downtown Lansing for Occupy Lansing on Saturday, and the city seems supportive:

    Lansing police have waived the ordinance against camping in the parks for the group.

    "Right now we're waiving it because we don't see any problems with us waiving it, but we're evaluating that on a daily basis," said Lansing police Lt. Noel Garcia. "We're monitoring their activity there to make sure they're in compliance with all other ordinances."

    The city of Lansing has provided portable toilets and garbage cans for the group.

    Occupy Kalamazoo drew hundreds to downtown Kalamazoo, which is a decent turnout for a small city.

    More on the movement in Michigan:

    They're occupying Detroit, Kalamazoo, Lansing and places in between.

    The grassroots movement started on Wall Street that has spread across the nation is cropping up in scores of cities across Michigan.

    Residents who say they are exasperated with America's corporate forces and income disparities demonstrated Wednesday near financial institutions in downtown Kalamazoo. Grand Rapids residents held their first march Tuesday, and daily marches are planned. On Friday, Detroit and Flint residents are planning "occupations" through sit-ins and protests — the same day President Barack Obama will be in Metro Detroit to tour auto plants.

    And some are camping out at Reutter Park in preparation for the Lansing occupation on Saturday.

  • Diabeetis

    Has anyone noticed that his 9-9-9 tax plan is similar to the one on the SimCity game?

    • J Rbt. Oppenheiner

      I would pay good money to hear Herman Cain say "reticulating splines."

  • Diabeetis

    Another WSJ poll also has Cain trailing Obama by 11 points.

  • stew1

    I want to hear more about "this guy in Cleveland" who is serving as Herm's financial adviser. I mean, if he can come up with something as catchy as The 999 Plan he's certainly qualified to run the Federal Reserve.

  • stew1

    Didn't Ed Wood make a movie called "Plan 999 from Outer Space" while wearing women's clothing. There's stuff to work with here.

  • OT but Post this one far and wide anyway: video of Romney and Ted Kennedy making out during the signing of "Romneycare." Remind the right why they hate Willard Romney so much… for the sake of Comedy.

  • Terry

    "And Ron Paul is in third place. GO RON PAUL!"

    Just where do you want him to go? I have a few suggestions.

  • OccupyFnChicken

    I watched him nosedive himself in two debates. How the fuck did he make it alive out of this, and why the fuck is he on top?

  • tihond

    They're only backing Cain because when he picks Palin for his running mate, they'll just be able to cut off the Mc and reuse the 2008 bumper stickers.

  • J Rbt. Oppenheiner

    Speaking of which, did the Lady Grifter ever say she wasn't looking to be the VP? Just wondering.

  • proudgrampa

    I caught that sound bite where O'Bachmann turns 999 into 666 and I thought, "What the fuck??!!??"
    The stupid just goes on and on…

    And Why is Ron Paul always in third place? Hmmmm?

  • superdave

    Gah! That picture is even more disturbing than the belly butt dude.

  • MLite

    Tell him, Vinnie…

  • OT

    Dennis Ritchie's pointer has been cast to void *. C ya later.

    • proudgrampa

      printf("Goodbye, World!");

      Dennis was a hero of mine, much more so than Jobs ever was.

    • SmutBoffin


    • ShaveTheWhales

      But, as pointed out in the boingboing comments, there are still references to him everywhere.

  • BornInATrailer

    McCain is Walnuts and now Cain has just effectively given himself the nickname Black Walnuts.

    It's almost like he reads Wonkette.

    • proudgrampa

      I move that we adopt the name Black Walnuts for Cain. It's perfect!

      Walnuts / Black Walnuts 2012!!

  • SmutBoffin

    Sooooo…is this a Wonkett endorsement?

  • randomsausage

    He'll come riding into the Republican Convention and only then will the Tea Party folks understand: "as chairman of our welcoming committee, it's my honor to extend a laurel and a hearty handshake to our new N-bbbboooooooooooooonnnnnnnnngggggggggg"

  • Franknflower

    Who was that other black Republican? The hippity hop guy with the cute little dog?

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