Oh, Florida. Florida Florida Florida. Crackhead ideas just grow on trees as bountifully as the citrus in Florida, don’t they? But this one is an especially cloudy, yellowed gem with a particularly elegant “Republican-trucker diner-firing squad execution” trifecta of tragicomedy that will be our new standard in redneck crazy: once upon a few days ago, GOP state representative Brad Drake wandered into one of the wretched Waffle House obesity gulags in his district and overheard an insane person wishfully dreaming of the days when condemned prisoners were put to death by firing squad. “I can make this lunatic man’s medieval murder sex dream come true!” Drake thought to himself, which means that he has introduced a bill to the Florida legislature for just this purpose.
From the Florida Current:
In a Waffle House in DeFuniak Springs, Drake said he heard a constituent say, “‘You know, they ought to just put them in the electric chair or line them up in front of a firing squad.'” After a conversation with the person, Drake, 36, said he decided to file the bill.
“There shouldn’t be anything controversial about a .45-caliber bullet. If it were up to me we would just throw them off the Sunshine Skyway bridge and be done with it,” Drake said.
Under the bill, electrocution would be the standard method of executions, but the bill would allow inmates to opt for an execution by firing squad.
Squad members would be chosen by the warden of the prison housing the death row inmate. The bill does not specify whether members of the public may volunteer or may be chosen for the firing squad by the warden, but it does allow for Department of Corrections employees to opt out of taking a part in any execution. It also does not proscribe the number of people to be involved in the firing squad.
“Members of the public may volunteer!” That is our favorite part of the story, because we imagine the public showing up in Spanish Inquisition-era uniforms salivating over their rusty guns, probably much like the same crazy white people who first showed up in Florida 500 years ago.
Your move, Arizona. [Florida Current; Thanks to Wonkette operative “MK”]
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