WHERE'S WAGGAMAN?  11:59 am October 12, 2011

Where’s Wags? Wall Street Riley Is On ‘The Story’

by Ken Layne

Have you been missing Riley Waggaman’s Wonkette dispatches from the Occupation? So have we! But while we await his return to Zuccotti Park/Liberty Square/Freedom Fry-T-Mobile Arena, here is a program we think you will enjoy. It’s The Story, a good topical show from American Public Media, and Riley is the featured debt-ridden unemployed vagrant/visionary. Here’s the link, and you can click the Listen button at the bottom to hear it, or listen to the “podcast” on “the iTunes.”

Another Wonkette Intern-related fact is this: Former Wonkette intern Lauren Spohrer works at The Story From APM. Wonkette veterans are Everywhere in your Media. [The Story From APM]

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 87 comments }

nounverb911 October 12, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Stay safe, Riley.

SorosBot October 12, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Riley, stay away from Boston to stay free.

littlebigdaddy October 12, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Well said.

OC_Surf_Serf October 12, 2011 at 12:07 pm

He’s 24, unemployed and overwhelmed with college debt …

Does that line work on the hot rich babes around there?? (Stay safe young man)

SorosBot October 12, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Sadly "unemployed and overwhelmed with college debt" pretty much describes every American who's graduated since 2008 and doesn't have rich parents.

OC_Surf_Serf October 12, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Parents not rich enough? C'mon…everyone one can always go on the free market and choose a better mum and dad…

Chichikovovich October 12, 2011 at 12:32 pm

I see moneymaking potential for a smart entrepreneur who sets up a parent-child equivalent of a dating site.My son just became a teenager, with all that implies. So all you youngsters out there: if you are capable of answering a simple question in more than an angry monosyllable, there may be a comfortable home with a good financial situation and caring parents waiting for *you*.

EatFrankRich October 12, 2011 at 1:38 pm

As my 6 yo son sadly noted yesterday, "There's no magazine for finding new dads." Marketing opportunity!

Not_So_Much October 12, 2011 at 12:54 pm

So, when Breitbart's hands were deep in his pockets, it wasn't to stuff some cash?

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 12, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Let's see how long it take for corporate destructor Mitt to declare that unemployed college students are people too, my friends. I won't hold my breath though.

chascates October 12, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Go Riley!

nounverb911 October 12, 2011 at 12:09 pm

When last seen, Wags was wearing a red and white striped shirt, round glasses and a red ski cap.

freakishlywrong October 12, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Wonkette veterans are Everywhere in your Media.
Fuck. If only.

JustPixelz October 12, 2011 at 12:15 pm

I see Anna Marie Cox on the teevee every now and then. And of course all the commenters have their own shows on MSNBC. Not to brag, but I'm a regular on "Lock up".

Guppy06 October 12, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Just so long as you're not a regular on "Cops: Topeka."

BornInATrailer October 12, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Not anymore.

zhubajie October 12, 2011 at 6:30 pm

She's a columnist for The Guardian, too.

Ken Layne October 12, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Jim Newell: Gawker
Alex Pareene: Salon
Juli Weiner: Vanity Fair
Lauren Spohrer: American Public Media
Jack Steuf: The Onion
Not only are Wonkette Veterans everywhere in your media, but they're at the media places not drenched in shame and bullshit.

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2011 at 12:48 pm

I must be doing something wrong. All my former employees end up working at NAPA, Walmart or Direct TV as cable puller or something.

I can't help but think I've failed them, somehow.

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 12, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Can't they parley their experience with you into a housekeeping job at a Four Seasons?

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2011 at 1:20 pm

And take a pay cut?

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 12, 2011 at 12:51 pm

But where's Neilist?

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 12, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Who the hell do you think took out bin Laden?

Mumbletypeg October 12, 2011 at 1:03 pm

And that's all good.. good for them — But for example I don't get the same 'takeaway' from Newell's work at gawker than what he used to deliver here at teh wonkettes. Maybe freakish was indicating how nice it'd be for the quality of wonkettworthy writing to pervade available media more, rather than quantitative, which you've pointed out is hardly to sneeze at.
Although, whatever Sarah Benin-kadink decided to do instead of kicking high-spirited sand in our faces, her contribution is much missed. I'll assume she's sowing her charms in various glades and dells across comedia but I wonder if it's as satisfying for her as the abuse she hurled at her besotted crowd here.

freakishlywrong October 12, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Thank you Mumblety, that is exactly what I was saying.

AutomaticPilot October 12, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Follow Sara on Twitter – she is quite amusing there.

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Wonkette is to journalism like the Yardbirds were to guitarists.

Redhead October 12, 2011 at 1:25 pm

"media places not drenched in shame and bullshit. "

You accidentally included Gawker in that list.

Guppy06 October 12, 2011 at 5:41 pm

The real question is "What is the proper ratio of shame-to-bullshit in one's media outlet?"

Guppy06 October 12, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Where "your media" is limited to public radio and Russia Today.

Speaking of, why no mention of Prime Minister of Hawtness and Trademarked Hair getting sentenced to jailtime in Ukraine?

Oblios_Cap October 12, 2011 at 12:10 pm

He's been silent because he's been tagging that rich chick who wants to be taxed!

jodyleek October 12, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Is Riley making romance explosion all over her capital gains?

Monsieur_Grumpe October 12, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Taxed? Is that what the kids are calling it now a days?

Mapmonger October 12, 2011 at 4:27 pm

I'd try to tax her, but I have the feeling she'd tax me.

AJWjr. October 12, 2011 at 9:32 pm

My doctor told me sex with such a young woman could be dangerous, but shit–if she dies, she dies…

Goonemeritus October 12, 2011 at 12:11 pm

It’s hard to be a visionary without at least trying your hand at the vagrant life style. I know my lack of going through that experience has damned me to a life filled with concerns about patio furniture and Toro lawn mowers.

proudgrampa October 12, 2011 at 12:17 pm

You, too?

I'll bet you have a "Honey, do…" list, too! Also.

weejee October 12, 2011 at 12:21 pm

An olde thumbs up

paris biltong October 12, 2011 at 12:35 pm

This is at least the second time you mention your lawn in the past two days. May I just point out, regarding the need for a broad life experience, that what you refer to as "grass" is not what we usually meant when we spoke of "grass."

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 12, 2011 at 12:52 pm

What about your 401(k)? Aren't you worried about that too?

chicken_thief October 12, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Our 401(k)'s will be just fine once corporate taxes are lowered and the financial sector is deregulated. *proudly displaying what I learned from every Republican that I've heard speak in the past 2 yrs.*

OkieDokieDog October 12, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Watch out for pseudo journalist and porno film maker James Dildo O'Keefe, Mr. Riley!
JDildO is scuttling about like the dirty filthy slimey scumball cockroach that he is.

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2011 at 12:22 pm

I just assumed he was out getting laid. But then again, I haven't heard of any Breitbart sightings at OWS.

zhubajie October 12, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Only a matter of time.

RedneckMuslin October 12, 2011 at 12:23 pm

From Wags to bitches.

OccupyFnChicken October 12, 2011 at 12:26 pm

…meanwhile, Ken is in his bunker, checking his peanut butter and thermite rations.

Ken Layne October 12, 2011 at 12:45 pm
OccupyFnChicken October 12, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Hear hear! I'll keep watch on your peanut butter while you're gone.

RadioOcupados October 12, 2011 at 1:36 pm

I generally disdain Twitter, but I'll follow your sorry writer, author, publisher ass.

Ken Layne October 12, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Please don't! I was just linking to something regarding my whereabouts. Twitter is for suckaz.

OccupyFnChicken October 12, 2011 at 2:13 pm

…and sycophants. WE LOVE YOU KEN!!!!

RadioOcupados October 12, 2011 at 2:16 pm

De nada, Radiotherapy was already taken — WTF? And I couldn't even remember my password.

Juan_Oriley October 12, 2011 at 3:21 pm

But we got ocupados in Yucca Valley! I saw them yesterday but I haven't ventured out yet today.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 12, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Good to know our fearless leader is smart enough to go where the cheap drugs and sex are. Plus insane leftist. At least that is what FOX News is telling me.

LesBontemps October 12, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Riley reports that he has "a tentative gig teaching English in the Czech Republic." He haz found the jerb createrz!

Chichikovovich October 12, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Then in twenty years, after the big American economic implosion that results when all our bridges fall down, our roads become undriveable, our police forces are staffed by convicts, and every last penny of tax revenue goes to building 5 trillion dollar bombers that are undetectable by radar even though they are as big as Rhode Island, he can get a job teaching Czech to American refugees.

Some serious long-term potential there.

GhostBuggy October 12, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Or teaching English to the Czech peacekeepers that will be sent here.

Rosie_Scenario October 12, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Book recommendation for Riley: "Prague" by Arthur Phillips. (Though it is set in Budapest, it still relates and is a good novel.)

donner_froh October 12, 2011 at 12:31 pm

"Tentative gig teaching English in the Czech Republic"–not much money but probably lots of sex.

Guppy06 October 12, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Former Warsaw Pact countries export all their attractive women as sex workers/slaves.

LesBontemps October 12, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Still does not preclude "lots of sex," and could mean much more sex, theoretically, at least.

Guppy06 October 12, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Nothing improves one's sex live like moving someplace with lower standards!

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2011 at 12:52 pm

And the beers in Prague alone would keep me happy for a lifetime.

proudgrampa October 12, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Pilsner!

chicken_thief October 12, 2011 at 1:17 pm

And they help make the 2nd Tier remainders look much better by closing time.

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2011 at 1:22 pm

I'm not sure there *is* a closing time, in Prague.

emmelemm October 12, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Good grief… I'm just recalling the movie Hostel. Be safe, Riley!

Negropolis October 13, 2011 at 12:57 am

Weird, uncomfortable, post-Soviet, Slavic sex.

Come here a minute October 12, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Wags gave up a perfectly good nearly-subsistence job entertaining us, pissing away any goodwill, so in this case, Herman Cain is right.

donner_froh October 12, 2011 at 12:36 pm

"Massive, monstrous gelatinous corporations…"

Preach it, Riley!

sezme October 12, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Run, Riley, Run!

Sharkey October 12, 2011 at 1:29 pm

LEAVE RILEY ALONE!!!

Antispandex October 12, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Be carefull Riley. Your odds of being hosed have only gone down slightly.

Tommmcattt October 12, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Um, can someone tell Riley that I'm sorry he got so sore? And I still have that pair of spider-man undies he wore over, does he want them back?

He's not taking my calls for some reason.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 12, 2011 at 2:27 pm

He's all growed up now.
*sniff*

I think I sense a little bit of pride in Ken's posting.

smokefilleddoommate October 12, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I think 'Birth of the Frito' should be made into a film.

LesBontemps October 12, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Make it "Birth of the Cheeto" and you can target your marketing more effectively.

Oblios_Cap October 12, 2011 at 2:51 pm

So working for Wonkette qualifies Wags to say he's unemployed?

JoshuaNorton October 12, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Being unemployed is more respectable.

ttommyunger October 12, 2011 at 3:29 pm

My hat's off to him-and to Wonkette.

JoshuaNorton October 12, 2011 at 4:42 pm

GOD IS PUNISHING RILEY FOR LEEVING TEH WONKETTE!!!11!!1!!

Intern Riley – you may come back and work for free. All is forgiven.

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 12, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Funny! I’ve never worked in a hotel but housekeeping seems like it would be a pretty terrible job, given the behavior of some people in hotels. Great starter job for people with minimal Ingles,  though.

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Yeah, we haven't had any rapey high mucky-mucks go after our housekeepers yet, and really, the work's not that bad (I do a lot of it myself).

My housekeepers leave to go back to school, or get a full time job (albeit, at a lower hourly rate) because I can only offer them a half shift, usually. It's really a small hotel, and except for summer rush, there's not that much work to do.

V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡ October 12, 2011 at 2:03 pm

I hadn’t even thought of the DSK angle so much as (1) the part-timey-ness of it as you say, and (2) the idea of cleaning strangers’ bathrooms and bedrooms. Maybe you’ve been spared rock-star guests…

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2011 at 5:30 pm

In truth, people spending just a night or two don't have enough time to make much of a mess (Exception: Families with little kids). Some people don't even use the towels, and all you have to do is make up the bed and pick up a few water bottles.

In seven years of running this place, I've only had to deal with vomit twice. But I've unplugged a shitload (literally) of stopped-up toilets. I'm like the Albert Pujols of toilet-unplugging. Anyway, I do almost everything with rubber gloves on; something I got used to in my days as brewer.

RadioOcupados October 12, 2011 at 7:59 pm

I am so stealing that HistoriCat.

HistoriCat October 12, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Spread the word – it's a public service!

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