where's waggaman?

Where’s Wags? Wall Street Riley Is On ‘The Story’

Have you been missing Riley Waggaman’s Wonkette dispatches from the Occupation? So have we! But while we await his return to Zuccotti Park/Liberty Square/Freedom Fry-T-Mobile Arena, here is a program we think you will enjoy. It’s The Story, a good topical show from American Public Media, and Riley is the featured debt-ridden unemployed vagrant/visionary. Here’s the link, and you can click the Listen button at the bottom to hear it, or listen to the “podcast” on “the iTunes.”

Another Wonkette Intern-related fact is this: Former Wonkette intern Lauren Spohrer works at The Story From APM. Wonkette veterans are Everywhere in your Media. [The Story From APM]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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  • nounverb911

    Stay safe, Riley.

  • SorosBot

    Riley, stay away from Boston to stay free.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Well said.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    He’s 24, unemployed and overwhelmed with college debt …

    Does that line work on the hot rich babes around there?? (Stay safe young man)

    • SorosBot

      Sadly "unemployed and overwhelmed with college debt" pretty much describes every American who's graduated since 2008 and doesn't have rich parents.

      • OC_Surf_Serf

        Parents not rich enough? C'mon…everyone one can always go on the free market and choose a better mum and dad…

        • Chichikovovich

          I see moneymaking potential for a smart entrepreneur who sets up a parent-child equivalent of a dating site.My son just became a teenager, with all that implies. So all you youngsters out there: if you are capable of answering a simple question in more than an angry monosyllable, there may be a comfortable home with a good financial situation and caring parents waiting for *you*.

        • EatFrankRich

          As my 6 yo son sadly noted yesterday, "There's no magazine for finding new dads." Marketing opportunity!

    • Not_So_Much

      So, when Breitbart's hands were deep in his pockets, it wasn't to stuff some cash?

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Ayn Rand Paul Tard

      Let's see how long it take for corporate destructor Mitt to declare that unemployed college students are people too, my friends. I won't hold my breath though.

  • chascates

    Go Riley!

  • nounverb911

    When last seen, Wags was wearing a red and white striped shirt, round glasses and a red ski cap.

  • freakishlywrong

    Wonkette veterans are Everywhere in your Media.
    Fuck. If only.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      I see Anna Marie Cox on the teevee every now and then. And of course all the commenters have their own shows on MSNBC. Not to brag, but I'm a regular on "Lock up".

      • Guppy06

        Just so long as you're not a regular on "Cops: Topeka."

        • BornInATrailer

          Not anymore.

      • zhubajie

        She's a columnist for The Guardian, too.

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      Jim Newell: Gawker
      Alex Pareene: Salon
      Juli Weiner: Vanity Fair
      Lauren Spohrer: American Public Media
      Jack Steuf: The Onion
      Not only are Wonkette Veterans everywhere in your media, but they're at the media places not drenched in shame and bullshit.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I must be doing something wrong. All my former employees end up working at NAPA, Walmart or Direct TV as cable puller or something.

        I can't help but think I've failed them, somehow.

        • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

          Can't they parley their experience with you into a housekeeping job at a Four Seasons?

          • Lascauxcaveman

            And take a pay cut?

          • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

            Funny! I’ve never worked in a hotel but housekeeping seems like it would be a pretty terrible job, given the behavior of some people in hotels. Great starter job for people with minimal Ingles,  though.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Yeah, we haven't had any rapey high mucky-mucks go after our housekeepers yet, and really, the work's not that bad (I do a lot of it myself).

            My housekeepers leave to go back to school, or get a full time job (albeit, at a lower hourly rate) because I can only offer them a half shift, usually. It's really a small hotel, and except for summer rush, there's not that much work to do.

          • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

            I hadn’t even thought of the DSK angle so much as (1) the part-timey-ness of it as you say, and (2) the idea of cleaning strangers’ bathrooms and bedrooms. Maybe you’ve been spared rock-star guests…

          • Lascauxcaveman

            In truth, people spending just a night or two don't have enough time to make much of a mess (Exception: Families with little kids). Some people don't even use the towels, and all you have to do is make up the bed and pick up a few water bottles.

            In seven years of running this place, I've only had to deal with vomit twice. But I've unplugged a shitload (literally) of stopped-up toilets. I'm like the Albert Pujols of toilet-unplugging. Anyway, I do almost everything with rubber gloves on; something I got used to in my days as brewer.

      • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

        But where's Neilist?

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Who the hell do you think took out bin Laden?

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        And that's all good.. good for them — But for example I don't get the same 'takeaway' from Newell's work at gawker than what he used to deliver here at teh wonkettes. Maybe freakish was indicating how nice it'd be for the quality of wonkettworthy writing to pervade available media more, rather than quantitative, which you've pointed out is hardly to sneeze at.
        Although, whatever Sarah Benin-kadink decided to do instead of kicking high-spirited sand in our faces, her contribution is much missed. I'll assume she's sowing her charms in various glades and dells across comedia but I wonder if it's as satisfying for her as the abuse she hurled at her besotted crowd here.

        • freakishlywrong

          Thank you Mumblety, that is exactly what I was saying.

        • AutomaticPilot

          Follow Sara on Twitter – she is quite amusing there.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Wonkette is to journalism like the Yardbirds were to guitarists.

      • Redhead

        "media places not drenched in shame and bullshit. "

        You accidentally included Gawker in that list.

      • Guppy06

        The real question is "What is the proper ratio of shame-to-bullshit in one's media outlet?"

    • Guppy06

      Where "your media" is limited to public radio and Russia Today.

      Speaking of, why no mention of Prime Minister of Hawtness and Trademarked Hair getting sentenced to jailtime in Ukraine?

  • Oblios_Cap

    He's been silent because he's been tagging that rich chick who wants to be taxed!

    • jodyleek

      Is Riley making romance explosion all over her capital gains?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      Taxed? Is that what the kids are calling it now a days?

    • Mapmonger

      I'd try to tax her, but I have the feeling she'd tax me.

      • AJWjr.

        My doctor told me sex with such a young woman could be dangerous, but shit–if she dies, she dies…

  • Goonemeritus

    It’s hard to be a visionary without at least trying your hand at the vagrant life style. I know my lack of going through that experience has damned me to a life filled with concerns about patio furniture and Toro lawn mowers.

    • proudgrampa

      You, too?

      I'll bet you have a "Honey, do…" list, too! Also.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      An olde thumbs up

    • paris biltong

      This is at least the second time you mention your lawn in the past two days. May I just point out, regarding the need for a broad life experience, that what you refer to as "grass" is not what we usually meant when we spoke of "grass."

    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      What about your 401(k)? Aren't you worried about that too?

      • chicken_thief

        Our 401(k)'s will be just fine once corporate taxes are lowered and the financial sector is deregulated. *proudly displaying what I learned from every Republican that I've heard speak in the past 2 yrs.*

  • OkieDokieDog

    Watch out for pseudo journalist and porno film maker James Dildo O'Keefe, Mr. Riley!
    JDildO is scuttling about like the dirty filthy slimey scumball cockroach that he is.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I just assumed he was out getting laid. But then again, I haven't heard of any Breitbart sightings at OWS.

    • zhubajie

      Only a matter of time.

  • RedneckMuslin

    From Wags to bitches.

  • OccupyFnChicken

    …meanwhile, Ken is in his bunker, checking his peanut butter and thermite rations.

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne
      • OccupyFnChicken

        Hear hear! I'll keep watch on your peanut butter while you're gone.

      • RadioOcupados

        I generally disdain Twitter, but I'll follow your sorry writer, author, publisher ass.

        • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

          Please don't! I was just linking to something regarding my whereabouts. Twitter is for suckaz.

          • OccupyFnChicken

            …and sycophants. WE LOVE YOU KEN!!!!

          • RadioOcupados

            De nada, Radiotherapy was already taken — WTF? And I couldn't even remember my password.

      • Juan_Oriley

        But we got ocupados in Yucca Valley! I saw them yesterday but I haven't ventured out yet today.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Good to know our fearless leader is smart enough to go where the cheap drugs and sex are. Plus insane leftist. At least that is what FOX News is telling me.

  • LesBontemps

    Riley reports that he has "a tentative gig teaching English in the Czech Republic." He haz found the jerb createrz!

    • Chichikovovich

      Then in twenty years, after the big American economic implosion that results when all our bridges fall down, our roads become undriveable, our police forces are staffed by convicts, and every last penny of tax revenue goes to building 5 trillion dollar bombers that are undetectable by radar even though they are as big as Rhode Island, he can get a job teaching Czech to American refugees.

      Some serious long-term potential there.

      • GhostBuggy

        Or teaching English to the Czech peacekeepers that will be sent here.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Book recommendation for Riley: "Prague" by Arthur Phillips. (Though it is set in Budapest, it still relates and is a good novel.)

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    "Tentative gig teaching English in the Czech Republic"–not much money but probably lots of sex.

    • Guppy06

      Former Warsaw Pact countries export all their attractive women as sex workers/slaves.

      • LesBontemps

        Still does not preclude "lots of sex," and could mean much more sex, theoretically, at least.

        • Guppy06

          Nothing improves one's sex live like moving someplace with lower standards!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      And the beers in Prague alone would keep me happy for a lifetime.

      • proudgrampa

        Pilsner!

      • chicken_thief

        And they help make the 2nd Tier remainders look much better by closing time.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I'm not sure there *is* a closing time, in Prague.

    • emmelemm

      Good grief… I'm just recalling the movie Hostel. Be safe, Riley!

    • Negropolis

      Weird, uncomfortable, post-Soviet, Slavic sex.

  • Come here a minute

    Wags gave up a perfectly good nearly-subsistence job entertaining us, pissing away any goodwill, so in this case, Herman Cain is right.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    "Massive, monstrous gelatinous corporations…"

    Preach it, Riley!

  • sezme

    Run, Riley, Run!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    LEAVE RILEY ALONE!!!

  • Antispandex

    Be carefull Riley. Your odds of being hosed have only gone down slightly.

  • Tommmcattt

    Um, can someone tell Riley that I'm sorry he got so sore? And I still have that pair of spider-man undies he wore over, does he want them back?

    He's not taking my calls for some reason.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    He's all growed up now.
    *sniff*

    I think I sense a little bit of pride in Ken's posting.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilleddoommate

    I think 'Birth of the Frito' should be made into a film.

    • LesBontemps

      Make it "Birth of the Cheeto" and you can target your marketing more effectively.

  • Oblios_Cap

    So working for Wonkette qualifies Wags to say he's unemployed?

    • JoshuaNorton

      Being unemployed is more respectable.

  • ttommyunger

    My hat's off to him-and to Wonkette.

  • JoshuaNorton

    GOD IS PUNISHING RILEY FOR LEEVING TEH WONKETTE!!!11!!1!!

    Intern Riley – you may come back and work for free. All is forgiven.

  • RadioOcupados

    I am so stealing that HistoriCat.

  • HistoriCat

    Spread the word – it's a public service!