nation of violent idiots

Topeka Spouses Now Allowed To Beat The Crap Out of Each Other

Transformer armor not included in real life.Oh, lord. The city of Topeka, Kansas went ahead with its harebrained scheme to legalize domestic violence in order to save money they claim they no longer have to spend prosecuting abuse cases. Hey, priorities! Isn’t this maybe the sort of thing where it might be worth it for the city to just levy an extra fifteen-cent sales tax on deep-fried Ding Dongs or boxes of frozen chicken anuses or something to avoid the violent battering death of a few dozen of its citizens?

No, that would be sane. This, because it is Kansas, must always be about Principles: the city repealed the law in order to force the cash-strapped county to deal with the problem, to make an absurdist point about how it is Not Their Problem.

From McClatchy:

The Topeka City Council on Tuesday voted to repeal the city’s law against misdemeanor domestic battery, the latest in a budget battle that has freed about 30 abuse suspects from charges.

One of the offenders was even arrested and released twice since the brouhaha broke out Sept. 8.

It started when Shawnee County District Attorney Chad Taylor announced that a 10 percent budget cut would force him to end his office’s prosecution of misdemeanor cases, almost half of which last year were domestic battery cases.

With that, Taylor stopped prosecuting the cases and left them to the city. But city officials balked at the cost.

Tuesday’s 7-3 vote to eliminate the local domestic violence law was designed to force Taylor to prosecute the cases because they would remain a crime under state law.

Hooray for principled indifference! May violence now reign in Topeka for a thousand years, to save a couple bucks. [McClatchy]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Indiepalin

    Domestic violence now takes a back seat to the REAL problem: how to spend all that extra cash! Golf courses are always good.

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      I woke and saw this this A.M.:

      Indiepalin -116p · 13 hours ago

      Fecal boy will not shut up. where's Dan savage?

      And loled. Alas, I had but one upfist to give.
      ~

      • Indiepalin

        Well, he wouldn't shut up arguing with Romney about how repealing Obama care is the most important issue facing America. What a by-product of anal sex.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This is good news for Ike Turner!

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Zombie Ike Turner.

    • hollywooddood

      And Neanderthals all over America if it catches on.

    • Limeylizzie

      and Harry Morgan.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    Your move, Alabama.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      now THAT made me spew perfectly good tequila all over my computer (I'm outta wine)

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    I guess we now all know the answer to "What's the matter with Kansas?"

    • Generation[redacted]

      The answer to that question is, "I fell down the stairs. That's all."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I reckon Fruit of the Loom should expect to see an upsurge in sales of white tanktop T-shirts, eh?

    • tessiee

      That would also happen if Chris Christie were to win higher office.

  • justkillmenow

    If your spouse wants to move to Kansas…DON'T GO!

  • Generation[redacted]

    We have to stick to sound conservative principles. The only proper role of government is national defense and police nothing else.

    If you're the victim of domestic abuse, call the Blackwater domestic abuse squad. Reasonable rates! Fast, friendly service!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Clearly you didn't read the article very closely. The county government passed the buck down to the city, which passed the buck back up to the state. Spousal abuse is still a crime in state law.

      So the next time your spouse is attacking you with a claw hammer, just call the state patrol, and friendly Officer Smokey will come respond to your complaint as soon as he's done beating up his spouse.

      Just a simple matter of clarifying jurisdictions, here.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Clarification makes it less funny.

        What's next for wonkette, journalistic standards of integrity? I WANT MY CUNTRY BAKC!!1!!!

  • freakishlywrong

    I'm rushing out and marrying me a conservative STAT!

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      into that kinda thing, are ya?

    • Cicada

      I don't think it counts as domestic violence if they like it.

    • tessiee

      "I'm rushing out and marrying me a conservative STAT! "

      So that you can whale on them?

  • not that Dewey

    Operation Teabaggers' Chickens Have Come Home to Roost is now live.

    What do you want to bet they still prosecute vagrancy and possession of dimebags of weed?

    • Generation[redacted]

      If my chickens ever come home to roost, I'm trading them for health care.

      • BornInATrailer

        In Kansas, your chicken would be battered.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I see what you did there.

    • user-of-owls

      Didn't I see you at the Occupy Topeka rally carrying a sign that said, "Legalize Loitering"?

      • Doktor Zoom

        Owls is commenting on chickens coming home to roost?

        Poultry in Motion…

        • user-of-owls

          What, wise guy, you think I give a flying fuck what you think?

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Eggzactly.

          • Doktor Zoom

            CLOACA LIBEL!

            (EDIT: Just to be clear, old bean, my comment was motivated solely as an avian pun; on reflection, the metaphor of chickens and roosting and such could be mistaken as an unkind cut re: the Continuing Struggle that we have occasionally discussed in these pages–it was not meant as such, and I apologize heartily for not seeing that it could be read that way.

            On the other hand, I suppose most members of the order Strigiformesmay indeed do that while flying, and so perhaps I am the one who misread intent there)

          • user-of-owls

            Oh christ no, that interpretation never even occurred to me, you silly bird.

          • Doktor Zoom

            Well, fuck a duck, I feel silly then. Still, better to preemptively apologize than alienate a raptor.

          • user-of-owls

            You read that from a fortune cookie, didn't you.

          • Doktor Zoom

            oddly enough, only the bit about duck-sexing. I need to find a classier Chinese joint.

        • not that Dewey

          "Democracy is based upon so childish a complex of fallacies that they must be protected by a strigid system of taboos, else even half-wits would argue it to pieces”

          -H. Owl Mencken

          • user-of-owls

            We seemed to be pretty well ensconced in old Allen's poem these days, don't we?

          • not that Dewey

            Speaking of wine drunkenness over the rooftops, I had dinner with the Svengali again this evening. It was much less of a problem, this time. Partly because more time had passed, partly because we were on my turf instead of his. But mostly because I just didn't want to.

          • tessiee

            "protected by a strigid system of taboos"

            Is a strigid system one that is both stringent and rigid?

        • AJWjr.

          Some friends of mine have a band called Jimmy Chickenpants and have used Poultry in Motion since their inception. Their lawyers will be in touch, of course.

      • not that Dewey

        You'd better check your night vision, Owl. It clearly said "Hey cops, don't take my weed; can't you see I'm sleeping on this bench, where I've been ever since I stopped beating my wife?"

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Real America.

    amber waves of hair pulled out by the roots. This makes my fucking head spin.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Might as well revive the Comstock Laws.

    • tessiee

      "amber waves of hair pulled out by the roots. This makes my fucking head spin."

      Hair pulled out by the roots make my head *hurt*.
      More than two glasses of wine make my head *spin*.
      Am I doing something wrong?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    New State Name Asskans: Putting the Ass before the Kans.

    • DaRooster

      You won't get in trouble for kickin' Ass or Kans…

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Legalization of pummelling city council members with a sledgehammer is on next week's agenda.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    …an extra fifteen-cent sales tax on deep-fried Ding Dongs or boxes of frozen chicken anuses

    SOCIALISM!
    ~

    • GhostBuggy

      SHARIA ALSO!

      • WhatTheHolyHeck

        It's okay, they're actually Sharia Voodoo Heathen God Cursed Halal chicken anuses.

  • MissusBarry

    I return to my previous statement on this issue: Ladies of Topeka, stock up on cast iron frying pans! In particular, the wives and girlfriends of male city legislators. It's open season.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      And rolling pins!!

      • user-of-owls

        And chairs to stand when you see a mouse and have to say, "Eeek!"

        • MissusBarry

          Dual purpose: they can be swung at the head WWF style.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Back in my day that was known as 'Geraldo style.' I wonder if the technique has changed much over the years.

    • Limeylizzie

      True story, my teeny Granny-4"9" and 90lbs- was married to a raging alcoholic a.k.a Grandpa- and when he came home from the pub accross the street drunk as a lord, which is when he used to beat her up, she took to standing in front of the door with a cast-iron frying pan so she could knock him out before the shennanigans began.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Awesome Granny. (sad story tho).

        • Limeylizzie

          She was amazing, she died 10 years ago at 99, so I was lucky to have her for a large part of my life. She worked in a cotton mill from the age of 12 and had a really tough life, but was the sweetest, funniest, most excellent person.

      • zhubajie

        Turn your family stories into novels, Lizzie!

        • Limeylizzie

          I am just starting to write a book based on my Mother, she sang in a Big Band at the age of 15 and supported her whole family.

      • tessiee

        I think your granny might be related to my friend's granny, who got smacked by her husband (back in the day), calmly took the cast-iron frying pan full of food off of the hot stove burner, and went up side his head.
        Her comment, when things calmed down?

        "Ya gotta sleep sometime".

        • Limeylizzie

          Awesome Grannys! My mother and her siblings also used to put string across the stairs so that he would fall down them. Needless to say my Granny divorced him -quite a scandal at the time- and I never met the man.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    But what if the abuser is smoking a joint when the victim makes the call?

    Oh wait, that probably wouldn't be happening.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    So, how much is Topeka cutting back on prosecuting people for meaningless b.s. like smoking pot?

    O.T.: Panty Petard Perp Cops Plea
    ~

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    BTW, isn't legal wife beating part of Sharia Law?

    • LesBontemps

      This is Kansas, not Oklahoma.

    • Guppy06

      Paul says wife-beating is OK if she doesn't properly "submit."

      • snackypants

        Was that Ron or Rand?

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Saint.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            He wasn't real big on the ladies, y'know.

        • Guppy06

          No no, Paultards would try to make a buck off the situation by selling each of them guns. It's the Free Market Way.

    • OccupyFnChicken

      Beautiful Beheaded Bitches, Vol XVII

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    …and if anyone wants to argue about this law, they better shut the fuck up.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Everything's OK in Topeka, really. No, it's fine. This? No, I just…bumped into the doorknob while cleaning up the budget, that's all. Really, it's fine.

    • not that Dewey

      She fell from the sky, she fell very far
      And Kansas she says is the name of the star.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Honey, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more. Oh, we are?"
    *punch*
    "Don't you fucking mouth off to me!"

  • LesBontemps

    Topeka, where your abuse is not our problem.

  • SorosBot

    This could work – if you also legalize battered women killing their abusive husbands/boyfriends. Get to that, Kansas.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Free Market Solutions!

    • MissusBarry

      Second Amendment remedies!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Goodbye, Earl!

  • FakaktaSouth

    Hey, wait a minute, this means now when the Occupy Topeka scary monsters come and drag you out of your house – free face-punches! Hooray!!!
    (thanks Glenn Beck!)

  • MARCdMan

    This is all in line with the Fundie ideal of women as illiterate, barefoot, pregnant chattels stuck in the kitchen. The American Taliban is having it's finest hour.

  • HedonismBot

    My solution: To make up at least part of the budget shortfall, Topeka can secure the sponsorship of Ruger, or Winchester, or some gun company, or the NRA. Then, the Topeka police can adopt a one-time-only policy of response to domestic violence calls. Give the poor, battered woman a gun to use against her dirtbag husband/boyfriend/baby daddy, and then leave 'em to work it out on their own.

    • tessiee

      Of course, the ladies would also have to buy gun permits and hunting licenses, cha-ching!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Hank Williams Jr is already out with the song – "All My Violent Friends are Comin' Over – Are U Ready for Some Wife-Beat-in"

    • Generation[redacted]

      It's like being domestically abused by Hitler.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Netanyahu works here, too, if you happen to be Palestinian.

  • YasserArraFeck

    The Good Ol' Boys of Topeka ain't never gonna have to get their own beer out of the fridge again…

  • JoshuaNorton

    Hey, lighten up. Domestic violence is a laff riot. Remember the good old days of "The Honeymooners" where Ralph threatened to beat his wife at least 3 times a show?

    "To the moon, Alice".

    Good times.

    • SorosBot

      Or the funny scenes of Ricky spanking Lucy. Hilarious!

    • Sue4466

      That's one reason I always hated "I Love Lucy." I never thought Ricky spanking or threatening to spank Lucy was something to laugh at.

      • http://Wonkette.com ProudLibunatic

        I always thought it was stupid, too.
        Even as a child, I didn't see why her infantile, (loud) wailing and threats from Ricky were funny.

        • nonbeliever7

          C'mon. All she had to do was yell "Green Balloons" to make him stop.

        • Sue4466

          Or who the fuck Ricky was to tell her she couldn't have a career in show business or wherever she wanted. Even as a kid I knew that was bullshit.

          Considering the doors Lucille Ball helped knock down for women in Hollywood, it is appalling that she portrayed this type of character.

        • tessiee

          I'll go out on a limb here, and say that I never thought she OR the show were funny.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      And as much as I laughed at "Abbot and Costello," Bud slapping Lou is very hard to take.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        "Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!"

        "Why, I oughta …"

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Better not burn that pot roast now ladies

  • x111e7thst

    Forza Gnocchi. (Silvio approves)

  • freakishlywrong

    Look at the bright side. They can let all the convicted abusers out of jail now and voila! No need for union thug firemen!

  • iburl

    At least no taxes were raised. Unless you count the "shut your mouth, bitch" tax. That one went up about 1000%.

  • HedonismBot

    But seriously, though – if they wanted to repeal one misdemeanor law, they should have chosen marijuana prohibition over domestic violence. One leads to injuries and death and shattered families, and the other is just a plant.

    • Guppy06

      Gonzales v. Raich doesn't say states must criminalize battery, though.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe Andy Capp will consider emigrating now.

    • Chichikovovich

      Not enough darts and snooker at Topeka pubs. And soccer referees in the U.S. are too free with the red cards.

  • user-of-owls

    Brouhaha?

    So that's what we're calling debates over how to most cost-effectively sanction systematic physical violence against a specific class of American citizens?

    Isn't that just ducky.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Look, the city really wanted to prosecute the abusers, but the county wouldn't pay for it, so it's a matter of principle. The city had to be firm, to show the county who's boss. In fact, the city has just about had it with the county not having dinner on the table after the city works so hard all day, and the county just sits around all day watching fuckin' Oprah and spending all the city's money. And on what? Some goddamn COURTHOUSES, for fuck's sake? Yeah, that's right, the county MADE the city do it! LOOK WHAT YOU MADE THE CITY DO, GODDAMMIT, COUNTY!!!!

      The county better fuckin' hope the city doesn't have to get angry again. No, come back here, county, the city still loves you baby…

  • Doktor Zoom

    In other news, the Kansas legislature took up a bill to change the state song to "My Name is Luka."

    • snackypants

      I lol'ed at this one. My breakfast yogurt almost squirted out of my nose.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You know what other country considered women as chattel, existing only to provide pleasure to the males of the society and serve as baby-making machines?

    • Not_So_Much

      Mordor?

    • SorosBot

      The Republic of Gilead, which the fundies see as a utopia.

    • Sue4466

      All of the Katie.

      Seriously. ALL of them.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Not Amazonia, bordering Scythia in Sarmatia. Other than that, pretty much all them.

        • Doktor Zoom

          "Lesbos, huh? Looks like a terrific little island. So, what do you girls do for kicks?"

          –B. Kliban

    • Cicada

      America?

      Oh, you said other countries.

    • zhubajie

      Roman Empire

  • prommie

    Not to inject some, well, non-knee-jerk analysis, but the fact is the municipal domestic battery offense was a sham to begin with and this whole thing is all about revenue from fines. As the story makes clear, there remains a State law which criminalizes misdemeanor domestic battery. Why was there ever a municipal ordinance criminalizing the same thing? So that defendants would be presented an opportunity to plead to an ordinance violation, rather than a State criminal offense, which is a HUGE, FUCKING HUGE thing, because a municipal ordinance violation is not a "criminal offense," so it won't affect your record and thus your employment and such as much, and plus too, the fine money would go to the municipality, and not the State.

    To reiterate, the City was being a dick when it adopted the municipal domestic battery offense, not when it repealed it. The only reason it adopted the offense was to give the batterers an easy plead-out, and to siphon off the fines. No wonder the county prosecutor refused to prosecute it.

    • user-of-owls

      Too sensible, did not read.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I take back everything bad I said about this, then.

    • missemish

      That's not how I read it. DA Stopped prosecuting and left it to the city to do themselves:

      "It started when Shawnee County District Attorney Chad Taylor announced that a 10 percent budget cut would force him to end his office’s prosecution of misdemeanor cases, almost half of which last year were domestic battery cases.

      With that, Taylor stopped prosecuting the cases and left them to the city. But city officials balked at the cost."

    • proudgrampa

      Prommie, will you be my lawyer?

      • prommie

        You don't want that. Trust me, you do not want that. I've been before every tribunal in this State, sometimes as a lawyer.

    • http://wonkette.com NorbertsRevenge

      oh.

    • Geminisunmars

      How are we supposed to get all rabble-aroused when you present facts and logic to us?

    • prommie

      Then again, I could be wrong. But I have always been grateful for the chance to plead a client down to an analogous municipal ordinance violation, and the municipality is always grateful for the fine money. This is a pissing match over who keeps the fines, and who pays for the prosecutions, seems to me. And the creation of the ordinance in the first place seems to have created a lesser penalty, so it probably only served to weaken the State offense.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

        So if I understand what you’re saying we could wife-beat our way out of this recession.
        Pure evil genius.

      • user-of-owls

        Boo on you for actually making us think about this vulgar, corrupt scene in terms of genuine consequences for too many vulnerable people…all across the spectrum. You suck.

        Thanks.

      • missemish

        It's definitely an ordinance that perhaps is abused by pleading down (that is NOT a pun!) , but doesn't it also serve as a way for cases that are not "big" enough for the state to be prosecuted?

      • missemish

        Also, if it was such a cash cow, why oh why did they repeal it?

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Somebody on the town council had a great idea to raise revenues…

          (If you've ever watched your typical town council tackle the revenue question, you'd understand how it usually works out.)

      • Ramon X

        But prommie, wouldn't a muni ordinance be easier to charge and therefore catch some legit cases that the DA didn't want to mess with? If the DA kicks it down to the ordinance, it's still a case, right? I don't follow how the State statute is weakened by the city. And now the DA is saying he's not going after any misdemeanor domestic violence cases in Topeka, and Topeka's not going after them – so who is?

      • missemish

        It's big game of bureaucratic chicken. Sad. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/12/us/topeka-moves

    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      in this single instance, facts have a conservative bias.

    • Come here a minute

      You may have a point, but, on the other hand, LEGALIZED WIFE BEATING.

    • Chichikovovich

      Ah. I see. Well I'm glad I read this before I posted the long rant I had prepared.

      From that point of view, I wish we could just do away with domestic violence laws altogether, and just ship abusers straight to Gitmo for terrorism. Surely there is some law addressing "terrorism" under which systematic domestic abuse counts.

      • LesBontemps

        The standard criminal offense is usually styled "making terroristic threats." So, Gitmo that fucker!

    • missemish

      30 people were released from prison based on this being overturned. At least 30 people are fucking scared out of their minds as a result.

      • prommie

        I'm not saying we're not going to get our hair mussed. But we stand a chance of sustaining only minimal and acceptable losses.

        • Doktor Zoom

          Mein fuhrer..I can beat my vife!

        • Negropolis

          I'm not saying we're not going to get our hair mussed.

          Someone's going to get more than their hair mussed, tonight, that much I know.

          Apart from that, how was the show, Mrs. Lincoln?

    • tessiee

      If only Garry Trudeau had you on his fact-checking staff.

  • Not_So_Much

    Is Wayne Brady going to have to cut a bitch?

  • SayItWithWookies

    It takes a village…to ignore, on principle, a man beating the crap out of his wife.

    • user-of-owls

      Not to nitpick, but I think you meant, "It takes a bunch of male troglodytes in a village…"

      • Negropolis

        If only that was true. Many conservative women are comfortable with a certain level of spousal abuse…until it happens to them. Even then, some of them still don't see it as much or a problem.

  • snackypants

    I don't see what the problem is. I mean, if you're being beaten by your spouse, you have nobody to blame but yourself, right?

    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Get a job! Get rich! 9-9-9!

    • Come here a minute

      Today is 'be very, very nice to your asshole spouse day' in Topeka.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Guess pretty soon they'll be giving a thumbs up to child abuse, too.

    • SorosBot

      Considering that some of the Southern states actually allow teachers to abuse children as punishment, we're pretty much already there.

    • user-of-owls

      Why not? It's not like the little fuckers are job creators or something.

    • freakishlywrong

      If you can't beat em' put 'em to work for slave wages.

    • MissusBarry

      Oh, yeah, child abuse is fine. Just not fetus abuse.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Beloved Sister Caligula, always ready for the ruler rapping, is why I write with my right hand. I was slow to learn that writing with my right hand made the pain in my left hand go away.

    • UnholyMoses

      Well, considering that conservatives have already discussed — multiple times, and even on camera! — bringing back child labor …

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Domestic violence is not usually a problem of Miss Demeanor, but that of Mr. Demeanor.

    Today we are all Miss Demeanor.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I miss demeanor now more than ever.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I'll never forget the student who wrote something about how presidents can only be removed from office for "high crimes and Mr. Meaners"

      I swear I am NOT making that up (though memory serves me imperfectly–they may have spelled it our as "Mister Meaners"–i do recall that it was capitalized, as if it were a name….)

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        We are in such deep, deep doo doo.

        • Doktor Zoom

          No kidding. That was back in the late 80's so that person has no doubt been wreaking havoc in Corporate America for years.

          I'm scoring SAT essays again this week. So far, I've seen the invention of the lightbulb attributed to Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and Albert Einstein….

          • Lascauxcaveman

            That's just because Marconi wasn't one of the multiple choices.

  • OccupyFnChicken

    I know I've already contributed to the snark in this article today, but there's a chilling awkwardness about it after yesterday's |||murder in western Tennessee. The ex boyfriend shot his estranged girlfriend and her new companion, killing her.

    Good luck, Topeka.

    • mereoblivion

      "It's a shame that it came down to this. It really is."

    • tcaalaw

      Ah, but that would be a felony, so they'll definitely enforce the law in that case!

  • Schmegeg

    This move saves money. To make money, they can market vacation packages to pissed off spouses.

  • proudgrampa

    I knew there was a reason I moved away from there…

  • http://grandpaboy.blogspot.com/ seppdecker

    I was going to say all the assholes involved must be men, but I could see a Sharron Angle or Jan Brewer lining up behind this. The question is, are they also willing to save money not prosecuting castrations?

  • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

    All these other cities looking for a way to foster economic development: pay heed to Topeka! Rich brutes can all move there so they can beat up their girlfriends with impunity. John Yoo is already shopping for a condo.

  • BarryOPotter

    Honey, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list. Topeka, here we come!

  • BornInATrailer

    "I'll beat you and your little dog, too, also!"

  • Come here a minute

    Topeka'ed Enough Already?

  • Zombie_Reagan

    The market's invisible (back)hand is strong.

  • http://Wonkette.com ProudLibunatic

    Withhold, ladies!
    Lysistrata anyone?

    • Guppy06

      From what, S&M games?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        "Green balloons!!"

    • Cicada

      Tooth scraping blowjobs, at the very least.

  • Noname54313

    Hey, those people who get killed because the don't know how to act right are just women anyway. And they would probably get abortions and vote and take our mens jobs away from us, so win win for us mens.

    • tessiee

      "And they would probably get abortions and vote and take our mens jobs away from us"

      And menstruate all over everything.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Somewhere, Lorena Bobbitt is smiling and sharpening the Bowie knife.

  • Wilcoxyz

    I guess evolution doesn't work in Kansas after all. Grab you clubs, gents, attractive ladies are ready to go home to your cave.

  • Doktor Zoom

    On a positive note, the Topeka move has garnered support from Tempura, an organization of lightly-battered women.

    • BornInATrailer

      I really shouldn't have laughed as hard as I did at this.

      • ingloriousbytch

        Same here. I hate myself.

    • prommie

      Touche'

      • bagofmice

        Tautological much?

  • DaSandman

    Honey you know this is for your own good…

  • prommie

    IMPORTANT TIP: for those who live in Topeka, or plan to take a wife-beatin' vacation there, remember, don't beat your wife to the point she miscarries! Because while wife-beatin' may be legal, abortion is not, in Kansas. You'll be guilty of murdering the fetus, which Kansas law considers more of a person than the mother.

    • Guppy06

      Ironically, that exact situation is described as a misdemeanor punishable by a fine in Exodus 21:22

    • Chichikovovich

      But right there you got yerself some laws that need adjustin'. Ya gotta be able to correct your kids with a beatin'. Bible says so:

      He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24)

      "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell." (Proverbs 23:13-14)

      Says right there in God's word that if you beat your kid for not doin' what you tell him, he won't die. I don't see nothin' about "except in the womb". So if the baby dies it must be the mother's fault. Didn't exercise her abdominal muscles enough or sumtin'.

      • Generation[redacted]

        That fetus was mouthin' off at me!

  • chicken_thief

    The obvious next step is to have the local convicts come beat your bitch for you. That'll help the economy, too, since the hubbies won't have to take off from their hourly jobs to get a little workout on the punching bag. Get home after a long day and the little honey will already have had her attitude adjusted! "Why yes, my little cupcake, I would LOVE another beer."

  • BornInATrailer

    No rule of thumb reference yet? People..

    • Doktor Zoom

      Hey, we're an educated crowd who know that's a myth anyway…

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Yes. We recognize the beaters use Lester Maddox autographed axe handles. They recognize that using thumb-sized would hardly be an attention getter.

      • BornInATrailer

        Speak for yourself! Now I don't know whether to apologize to the wife or find a thicker stick…

  • SorosBot

    So I suppose re-legalizing marital rape will be the next step in the return to the 1800s.

    • prommie

      Women can own property? Whats the world coming to?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      And Ron Paul wants to bring back Bryan's beloved (not) "Cross of Gold."

      • SorosBot

        Who cares that history proves that the gold standard damaged the economy, it's gooooold and somehow magically better.

  • Barrelhse

    In Topeka, What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

    ..Nothin'- ya just told the bitch twice.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    I'm sure the market will step in and find an efficient solution

    • Chichikovovich

      Luigi "The Falcon" Falconi's Domestic Protection Services? I smell "job creation"!

  • widestanceshakedown

    Surely they did not mean to include women hitting BACK in all this. That would violate the bible's Contract on America, Part Who Wants to Get Smacked.

  • MrFizzy

    It's anarchy baby!

  • prommie

    Was the repeal signed into law by Mayor Paris Trout?

    • Barrelhse

      Trouser's brother?

  • Boehneriffic

    So now all I need to do is marry Ann Coulter and move to Topeka??

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      That would appear to be the skinny.

    • Troglodeity

      Sorry, but gay marriage is still illegal there.

    • tessiee

      Either of those things would be too much of a sacrifice to ask of you.

  • ChrisM2011

    In other news, the ghost of Ike Turner has put in his bid for mayor of Topeka.

  • YasserArraFeck

    I see a wicked marketing opportunity for firearms retailers in the Topeka area…..

  • ingloriousbytch

    Ladies, it's time to douse that bed with lighter fluid and haul ass.

  • WhatTheHeck

    You know, Kansas males eventually have to sleep and …

  • DaRooster

    Can't we have prisoners police these abuse cases?

  • El Pinche

    New license plate slogan: "Kansas – The Bitch Choking State"

  • Eve8Apples

    You get your ass in the kitchen and make me something to eat or I'm buying a baseball bat and moving your ass to Topeka.

  • Eve8Apples

    I need a legal opinion. Is food poisoning legal? I don't have enough upper body strength to give my husband the beating he has earned, but I know at least a hundred recipes to make arsenic and cyanide appetizing.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Maybe not legal, exactly, but par for the course in a number of 'Murkuh's fine anusburger establishments.

  • Terry

    Topeka will stick with this lovely cost saving measure until a woman or child is beaten to death and they're shamed into backtracking. Assuming they have shame, of course.

  • meatlofer

    If they reeeeeally wanted to save $, follow Georgia's move Have the incarcerated respond to the DV calls.

  • GregComlish

    If beating the shit out of your wife is illegal, then the spouses of outlaws will be the only ones abused.

  • Mahousu

    Violence is one of our few areas of domestic growth. It's far and away our top export, too. About time the law got out of the way and let it flourish.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Let the fuckin' Chi-Coms devalue their yuans all they like – we'll devalue our bitches and fuckin' swing our way out of this depression.

    • Barrelhse

      The Invisible Hand.

  • gogogodzilla

    All yer damn yapping isn't getting me another beer!

  • joobajooba

    So that bandaged guy in the ad next to this story, he's from Topeka?

    • proudgrampa

      All I see is some ad for "Batheo" and a girl with nice casabas.

    • Barrelhse

      As for Kortney, that may be consensual, but I'm going to have to check with her tonsils about that.

  • fletc3her

    Umm, isn't domestic battery still, you know, battery?

  • Antispandex

    Have you ever been to Topeka? I have. This is going to cause a tidal wave of violence, because, let's face, there isn't shit else to do in Topeka…because it's TOPEKA!
    P.S. You have to remember that this is the home of the toothless trailer dweller cliche because, many years ago, they decided that fluoride was a commie plot. Then there was that whole, Brown vs the Topeka Board of Education thing. Lots of money savers like that.

  • owhatever

    In further cost-cutting moves, the Mullah Omar was hired as a consultant by the Topeka City Council to advise on proper procedures for stoning women to death. The council found that his focus was too narrow, and that a lot more women could qualify for that punishment with a tweaking of the law.

  • Callyson

    "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore…thank God!"

  • Nostrildamus

    I'd've figured, it being Kansas, they'd save way more money by repealing their "animal husbandry" laws. It's really all about volume.

  • ndisang67

    What happens in Topeka, stays in Topeka…

  • ndisang67

    I will show my wife this article and threaten to call in the movers for kansas….this should have her leave me watch my Redskins without bitching about too much football in this house…

  • ttommyunger

    I am fucking serious: is there Mercury in the water table there, or something even more toxic? This shit is going way over the line.

    • zhubajie

      People who are born even slightly intelligent move away ASAP. How do you think I ended up where I am?

  • lulzmonger

    Timid stuff … c'mon, Kansas, THINK BIG.

    No laws = no crimes = epic savings, is what I'm saying here.

    PS: it just so happens that my new book – "Warlording For Dummies" – is now available on Amazon.com. First 100 customers get a free fluffy white cat & monocle! ORDER NOW!

  • glamourdammerung

    This is perfectly in line with the conservative principles of expecting the government to be able to function for free. Sometimes the tree of conservative purity must be watered with some wife-beating.

  • ChessieNefercat

    So. Any Wonketeers live in the Topeka area? Here's a plan. Get to know one of the council critters that passed this law (de-passed it?). Get to know them on a personal basis, hmm? Then beat the crap out of them. Right?

  • Negropolis

    And, when someone ends up dead, what are they going to think? I shouldn't even ask; this is Kansas.

    Bleeding Kansas, indeed. They'll just switch the savings over to the Department of Persecution.

  • Troglodeity

    Meanwhile, at http://www.thinkbigtopeka.com, the official promotional website for Topeka, the big news is Topeka's (unsuccessful) "efforts to win the Google fiber experiment."

    C'mon, Topeka: Think BIG! Decriminalizing spousal abuse is small potatoes.