Happy Entire Decade of Failed U.S. War In Afghanistan

  almost forgot!

Thanks for ending the wars, Nobama!It’s Yom Kippur, everybody! Happy solemn Day of Atonement! And in the “anti-day of atonement,” it’s also the 10th Anniversary of the Endless Fucked-up Failed Loser War In Afghanistan Against Who-the-Fuck-Even-Knows. Hooray for that?! Of course, the utterly random Afghanistan Occupation has been a huge success for the military contractors from Blackwater to Pepsi, and a massive WIN for the death-machine & drone industry. And we guess it has given otherwise unemployable youth something to do with their time, and also it’s been good for the global slavery business and opium trade. So, uh, bright side?

But how did the “Afghanis” — and we still laugh/weep when we see U.S. papers referring to the Afghan people as “Afghanis,” which is like referring to Americans as “dollars” … which makes a certain kind of sense, when you think about it … eh what were we even typing about? WOW GOOD OPIUM TONIGHT … Oh yeah, how are the Afghan People thanking us for freedom today? Let’s see, there’s a video youtube clip somewhere around this browser WHICH IS SWIMMING IN DELIRIOUS/CALMING COLOR SWIRLS … uhh:

GAH! Everybody is occupying everything everywhere, even the people of their own various countries, what is even going on, only the American Military/State Dept./Pizza Hut is supposed to occupy shit, GAH HAPPY YOM KIPPUR. [Daily Mail]

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174 comments

    1. Callyson

      Actually, a lot of those companies are laying people off now. Seems they're afraid that the end of constantly escalating defense budgets means they'll go bankrupt or something. That, or they're trying to keep in style with the rest of corporate America…

  1. Barb

    I forgot it was Yom Kippur. Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin are doing their "Defending the Republic" gig tonight. I'd like to see both of them become ambassadors to Afghanistan. Nah, the people there deserve better.

    1. biblioteq_tress

      Oh, let's make them ambassadors to The Undecided Situation of Palestine instead, wherein they explain why it's prolife & freedumlovin & stuff to fan the flames of violence and oppression of civil rights. Or they can be sent to Israel to explain how A) they just love n r BFFs w/ Jews & Israel! because B) they know that Jews must rebuild the temple then get dropped in satan's own frylolator for the greater good of Jeebus lovuhs. Or both! Let's do both! Won't take long, it's on the way!

      1. Terry

        No, he was going blind or something, but then probably laid hands on himself and healed his own eyes. Prophets in the desert can do that sort of thing, you know.

  2. JackObin

    The war helped pay for Little Georgie Bush's mansion, down thar Texas way. I believe the good lord approves.

  3. Texan_Bulldog

    The original Clash of the Titans is one of my all-time favorite movies–probably due to the lame special effects but that Kracken was bad ass. I wish I had something more profound to say about the 10-year anniversary but it's so depressing …

  4. DashboardBuddha

    OT: Dear Wonketeeers. I'm about to head to bed. At 11am I should leaving the lovely New England autumn for the 3rd Concentric Circle of Hell known as Texas. Thus, I will be off the grid until next Tuesday night.

    Think of me,..pray for me if so inclined, or at least drink for me. I'll buzz back in upon my return. DBB

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      The degree of hotness depends on where you will be in Tejas. Austin pretty cool–environs outside of there…not so much.

    2. flamingpdog

      If you're in Houston, stay away from Reliant Stadium. We'd still like you to be a Buddha when you get back.

    3. mayor_quimby

      Somebodeeess got a date at a certain 'hunting camp' !!!
      Yaaayy.
      Please take lots of photos

  5. GuanoFaucet

    Eric Cantor would be slowly rocking back and forth in the fetal position after watching that video.

  6. RadioOcupados

    Western civilization has been losing this war for 200 years. Over what, a pipeline? Trying to settle entrenched tribal politics? Russia's mess? GTFO.

    1. schvitzatura

      Try 2300 years. Diadochi satrap Seleucus I Nicator had to hand back proto-AfPak gains made by Alexander the Great to Mauryan leader Chandragupt Maurya.

      The song remains the same. The graveyard of (Western) empires!

  7. Goonemeritus

    I heard a Republican analyst on NPR tonight point out that Obama while pretending to prosecute the war in Afghanistan was actually working desperately to find a way out. I thought to myself why is it that only Republican descriptions of my President give me any hope?

  8. V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

    My ex-wife lived in the place that is now called now Lashkar Ga when she was a little girl and her father was a diplomat. We built the big dam and hydro plant on the Helmand River that should have brought water and electricity and green fields of prosperity to these people, only there were some…problems.

    Her father came over first and to honor him on the day of his arrival they invited him to the stoning of an adulteress.

    1. SarahsBush

      Holy shit. I hope your ex didn't cheat on you.

      (As snarky as that sounds, I actually don't mean any snark there. That's fucked up.)

    2. Rotundo_

      And yet we still die trying to make the bloody shithole a better place. When the british and the russian occupiers were thrown out on their asses one would have thought that we would know better, but American Exceptionalism won the day again. I love my country but is is not a race of supermen and superwomen whose mission is to bring "the American Way" to the world. The sooner we lose that fantasy mindset, the better off we will all be.

      1. LetUsBray

        Hell, since Alexander failed to bring the Helleno-Macedonian Way to that place after making Persia his biyatch, subsequent generations really should have taken note.

  9. memzilla

    I believe the other name for Afghanistan is "Where Empires Go To Die."

    Alexander the Great (yup)… Great Britain (yup)… Soviet Union (yup)… USA (eh oh)…

      1. HistoriCat

        Weren't the Chinese the only ones who managed to conquer the place? OK, maybe that was the Mongols. Still …

  10. BTWBFDIMHO

    The video looks like Occupy Afghanistan against the Afghanistan Occupation . Bravo, Afghan people!

  11. Blueb4sunrise

    The good news: Retired General McChrystal told CFR we may be half way to achieving our goals!!!!!!!!!

    1. Negropolis

      He also admitted in the same interview of knowing fuck-all about Afghanistan before we went in. How very comforting.

      Ten more years! Ten more years!

      1. Terry

        There are a bunch of Russian generals sitting in dachas saying "Told you so". In Russian, of course.

  12. Lucidamente1

    Endless Fucked-up Failed Loser War In Afghanistan Against Who-the-Fuck-Even-Knows.

    Funny, that's the name of the band we hired to play my nephew's bar mitzvah.

    1. chicken_thief

      Wile E. Coyote? Their terrain looks like the mountainousy deserty locale that the Roadrunner hung out in.

      1. AJWjr.

        No kidding. The crappy desert town I live near has historically been a "target" of NATO forces, led by the USAF, in what they call Green Flag excercises, because we remind them of an Afghan town from the sky. And yes, I have both coyotes and roadrunners as frequent visitors.

    2. BlueStateLibel

      They liked to say "Cheerio" and "comrade" a lot , didn't they.? I actually have in my possession a little pamphlet entitled, "Afghanistan Chooses a New Road," circa 1986.

  13. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Look at it this way:

    As a friend of mine pointed out once, after we occupied Japan and Germany, within 30 years, they were producing the most raunchy porn in every form imaginable.

    All I'm saying is by the mid-2030s, get ready to download some really hot porn from Afghanistan and Iraq.

      1. flamingpdog

        NSA analysts are still studying them. You can never spend too much time analyzing this kind of raw data.

        1. neiltheblaze

          But how many photo-shopped Whitney Houston dominatrix pics can you look at before you just give up?

  14. flamingpdog

    Of course the lamestream Afghan media didn't show the huge (in more ways than one) crowd of people counter-demonstrating on their Camelrounds holding their misspelled (like I could tell) signs!

  15. donner_froh

    Look on the bright side: there was no war tax–we got it for free–and with no draft the only people dying, being wounded or suffering from PTSD are poor, non-white or both.

    Win/Win.

  16. iburl

    The Bush/Obama National Anthem:
    America, fuck yeah! Comin' again to save the motherfucking day, yeah! / America, fuck yeah! Freedom is the only way, yeah! / Terrorists, your game is through, 'cause now you have to answer to / America, fuck yeah! So lick my butt and suck on my balls! / America, fuck yeah! What you gonna do when we come for you now!

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Brought tears to me eyes, lad. Gonna be introduced at the Nascar race on Sunday? Or at the NFL games? Too bad Dallas has a bye this week.

  17. MiniMencken

    You have to parley that-there Afghan: they are demonstrating for more breathable fabrics to wear over their mouths.

  18. slowhansolo

    Yeah, I dunno, it was like, 10 years ago when I was saying, "Fuck, man, no way I'm like totally setting up my kid for prosthetics…" On the bright side, he'll surely end up as a cop in some small town, no matter how maimed, psychoses and all…

  19. Negropolis

    You know, I had a sad, today. We were reminded that this is the 10th aniversary of the start of that war, and the Nobel Peace Prize was presented, yesterday, which reminded me that the president was awareded the same prize right out of the gate. This whole world is just a really bad, vulgar joke.

    BTW, Afghanis is a helluva lot more preferable than seeing them called "Afghans".

    Needz moar burqa.

    1. Rotundo_

      Yes We are still in two wars, but Barry hasn't started any more (a few flyovers of Libya doesn't constitute a ground war. I think Barry winning the Nobel was the world (or at least the civilized part) sticking a metaphorical M&M in our collective mouths for not electing another congenital idiot hell bent on starting another war. Behavior modification on a somewhat global level. As for afghans I always think of dogs or blankets/rugs.

      1. Beanball

        Alas, t'would be happy news if that part about "not starting another war" were true. Just pretending for the moment that dive-bombing Libya was a mere kerfuffle and not an actual "invasion" or – perish the thought – a "war," consider the "secret" bases being built by the CIA to bomb Yemen from a more salubrious situation. From the NYT: C.I.A. Building Base for Strikes in Yemen .

        1. Rotundo_

          If you are trying to equate the stupid of Iraq and Afghanistan with the spooks putting up some bases to blow up folks, I have a hard time buying it: Iraq was a war Dubya wanted, as was to a greatly lesser extent Afghanistan. While Barry might not be perfect, he didn't gin up some fake evidence of a weapons program to go after the utterly wrong people responsible for 9/11. Barry ain't Dubya. Do I wish we would just get out of the "world cop" biz? Very surely. Do I disagree with the bases you cite? Yup. But I still think Barry is better than the alternatives we have.

          1. Beanball

            I just got back from an art opening combining the end of Rosh Hoshanna, the reinvention of Boyle Heights/ East LA as a creative center and the homecoming of a local cholo did good, full of intelligensia and actual creative types, so I'm a little fried by anniversaries and pseudo-intellectual bullshit. The most profound and incisive thing I heard this evening I heard from the bartender.

            "Whack-a-mole. Whack-a-mole doodah, all the day long."

          2. Rotundo_

            Bartenders are far more profound and incisive than most folks. We should be electing them, and not lawyers and "businessmen" to office.

      2. Negropolis

        That was the explanation used when he got the award, and it's not better a justification now than it is was when it was made. The Peace Prize is the most prestigious prize for peace this world has yet to come up with, and it's supposed to be awarded for folks that have actively promoted peace, and namely, in my opinion, for people outside of their respective governments that have appealed to the better angels of their governments. If we're now just handing out the things like grade-school "everbody's a winner" trophies for simply not fucking something up that we shouldn't expect government to be fucking up in the first place, than the prize doesn't mean shit, anymore. Obama didn't deserve that award, and I'm disappointed to have to say that he deserves it even less today, and it's really nothing against him personally, but to award an American president a peace prize given our "world police" status just seems totally inappropriate and off-the-mark. In fact, I generally don't like them being given to heads of state or heads of government as those roles almost always carry the ceremonial role of commander-in-chief, particularly if their governments are involved in active wars. Crazy, right? Warriors and warlords have their own prizes appropriate to their station and profession; let's leave the peace prizes to the actual peacemakers and advocates.

        My jaw drops when I hear someone say that the award is somehow appropriately rewarded as a slap at the other previous administration, or as some kind of bribe to the current one for not to starting another war. The prize committee is a fucking joke if that's one of the standards for the award, now.

        There is much to praise this president about, his foreign and national security policy is not one of those things. It is not nearly enough improvement over the previous administrations for me to feel proud about to say the very least. In fact, his national security policy is the one thing I feel the most ashamed about him as an American.

        1. Rotundo_

          I wish I knew how much control Barry has over things of this sort. I would venture a guess that if he abruptly pulled us out of all of these adventures he would be the next president on a coin after someone put a bullet through him. I suspect that there is less power in the presidency for someone who isn't owned by the Military Industrial Complex and business in general. I also believe that the Nobels, like everything are political and they are bullshit as well. They do recognize some folks that deserve it, but a lot of recipients weren't as deserving as they could have been. Not having been a part of the decision making process I do not know if it was a slam at Bush, if it was it was truly sad, or if it was a proverbial M&M in the mouths of the American people for not electing another idiot which is still sad. I suspect that there are a lot of people with a vested interest in keeping shit stirred up so we keep buying expensive shit to blow people up with, and that money trumps all in life as usual.

          1. Negropolis

            I'm actually not arguing whether we should pull out or not. My only point was that he was rewarded something for doing absolutely nothing in the field for which he was rewarded in (as president). Obama as a person is kind of incidential to what I'm talking about, here. This isn't about whether you're for this president or against him, whether he's a good or bad person, whether he's a good for bad leader. This isn't a question about how much power he does or doesn't have. It's a simple question about whether he deserved the Nobel Peace Prize nine or ten months into office, and the answer was no then, and even more no now knowing all that we know.

            Nominally, he was given the medial for his support of nuclear disarmament and "efforts to strengthen international diplomacy", which are about as general a justification as you can get for awarding the medal particularly when there are actual people out their far more accomplished and deserving that have spent their entire lives doing just these things.

  20. Negropolis

    BTW, anyone want to try the number of times the phrase "Death to America" is heard? We could turn it into a drinking game…and you'd have died from alcohol poisoning.

  21. pinkocommi

    Now that the US has started not one, but two land wars in Asia, can we please mess with a Sicilian when death is on the line?

    1. tcaalaw

      Giuliani isn't running for president this cycle, so we'll need to wait for 2016 at the earliest.

  22. x111e7thst

    When I went to Afghanistan a couple years ago, Bamiyan Valley to gawk at where the Buddhas used to be, I found more or less what one used to find in Vietnam. People seemed to like me (my Ameros) just fine, while wishing desperately that my country might somehow get enough of a clue to stop making things infinitely worse all the time.

    1. DahBoner

      Before the war started, Afghanistan was #1 on the list of the book of Most Dangerous Countries in the World.

      But it was also the author's favorite country, too…

      1. x111e7thst

        This was my impression, I claim no special expertise on the basis of 2 weeks in a country. That said: From the Pashtun and even the Hazara point of view the Taliban were unpleasant/very unpleasant but predictable. It was possible to keep self and family safe. The Americans are very unpleasant clueless foreigners and unpredictable. it is impossible to know how to stay safe from them.

  23. DahBoner

    Ten years of pouring money down a rathole is more gross than the 1980 film CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST

    1. iburl

      Public tax money goes in, private profit to evangelical murder groups like Blackwater (Xe) goes out. The system works! THANKS FOR THE HOPEY CHANGE OBAMA!

  24. weejee

    On my morning walk most days, like this very morning, I pass folks sleeping in doorways. Inspecting bridges, we come across folks living under them all the time. A disproportionately large number of these homeless are vets. If ya have a spare, toss an Amero or five in their cup.

      1. weejee

        No shit Ken, there are plenty of folks who would cry real tears to get the chance to fix them. The ASCE Infrastructure report card has not improved a whit while Boner and Cantor and McConnell do their re-tread on the just say no anti-drugz campaign of yore. But this time their no is to spending on public works for an infrastructure that is falling apart and unemployment, particularly in the building trades, is sky high. Douchbags!

  25. paris biltong

    Doesn't the Vietnam analogy make more sense now than it did a while ago? The speed at which horrendous mistakes are repeated is scary.

    1. Pithaughn

      silly youth. Endless war is the point. Is'nt brave new world required reading any more? For the military – industrial – congress triad, the vietnam war was a huge victory, bested only by the current "wars" in , what 3 now, countries.

    2. Radiodead

      Sure, the military-industrial-socialist complex is the only beneficiary of all these wars, from 'nam onward. But one huge difference between 'nam and the others is that there is no Ho Chi Minh. A true patriot leader who wanted nothing more than the end of vietnamese colonization. From the Chinese to the French to the Americans he wanted them out. I realize I am in a small minority even here at the Wonkettes, but Ho kicked our ass — and he knew he would. Like it or not, the country stabilized after we left. Have you checked your "Made in Vietnam" labels lately?
      So, IF we ever leave Afghanistan we can only think it will revert to savage tribalism and poppy fields, same as it ever was.

      1. Beanball

        If we actually do leave and the Taliban return to power, the poppy fields will be burned, and the CIA (and certain bankster friends) will lose a valuable source of funding.

        But rest assured, we will not be leaving the Middle East for at least another twenty years. This is the Long War, as you may recall, and Barack Obama is still – despite his alleged smarts – morally weak.

    3. HistoriCat

      Oh we (the government) learned its mistake from Vietnam. No draft means no large pool of people who worry about what happens when they or a loved one are sent off.

  26. emmelemm

    Wow… that actually hit me pretty hard. Ten years of killing people FOR NO FUCKING REASON. God damn.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      It 's pretty simpleminded to just conflate Afghanistan and Iraq into one "meaningless war." Let's be a little smarter than the dumbasses the Neocons duped.

      1. emmelemm

        OK, so which one is the "meaningful" war? Sorry, I missed that part.

        Also, I was merely making a statement about the depressingness of killing lots of people for no reason (besides "idealogical" or "oil" or "money"). To be fair, pretty much all of human history has involved someone somewhere killing lots of people for no (good) reason, so why am I so bummed about the last ten years?

        Sigh. I'll think I'll just go read Riley's blog for a while.

        1. Doktor Zoom

          I'm ambivalent. To a degree, we broke it, we bought it. Not that Forever War is the answer, but pulling up stakes altogether seems like a shitty idea, too.

          Maybe if we could send in a few thousand Sara Chayeses instead…

  27. owhatever

    Now we turn the whole thing over to the Vietnamese boys. The Ho Chi Minh trail from Hanoi to Kabul is a bitch, but motorbikes have replaced the bicycles. Nevertheless, I have to thank President Bush for starting those war bond sales back ten years ago with a decent interest rate to pay for his various wars. I have a bunch in my sock drawer, which will help with my retirement. The bonds, not the socks. What was I talking about?

  28. Chet Kincaid

    Put the Clog Of Blame up the right ass: If the Neocons hadn't been obsessed with re-invading Iraq since before Bush's inauguration, perhaps we would have been wrapped up with this Just War and home by 2004.

    1. mrblifil

      You are forgetting the influence of the awful no-goodnik Iranian motherfuckers. There will be no peace until they have been extirpated in perpetuity, perpetually. So, of course we need a supply chain, air bases, food courts for teh trupes, etc…

    2. zhubajie

      No, the US has been having a new war ever year or two throughout my life time. We've started a war somewhere else.

  29. BarackMyWorld

    And in other news, apparently the Romney/Perry camps are getting into a crucifix-waving contest.

  30. 4TheTurnstiles

    And in a victory for Liberty, Ron Paul has won the Value Voters Bigotry Award. Welcome, President Abortionist!

    In a blow toward anyone's Commitment to Excellence, Al Fucking Davis is dead. Al Davis, smarter and better prepared for the presidency than Ron Weasley Paul.

    1. Beanball

      Imagine if Franken were President: instead of Obama's Saturday morning radio chats we could get a Saturday Nite Presidential Weekend Update.

  31. johnnyzhivago

    Just a no snark comment here… In my entire life I never gave much thought to Mormans being anything other than a slightly off-beat Christian denomination with a couple of funky beliefs and a great Choir. Sort of like the Quakers (except they have oat meal).

    It was Romney's dumb-ass "I'm as much a Christian as you are speech" 4 years ago (or so) that brought all this nonsense into the forefront.

    If he had a lick of good sense, which he doesn't, he would use this to say something about keeping ALL RELIGION OUT OF POLITICS. But the dumbass is trying to keep it in play enough so he can play the Obama Secret Mulsim/Strange/Foreign/Not-of-this-Earth Card.

    So fuck him!

    1. Negropolis

      Huh? This is one of the very few things I don't think Romney brought on himself. This is something he had to address, very much in the same way Obama was eventually forced to speak on his birth certificate. This is the fucking evangelicals fault. Period. It's shameful and disgusting, but it's also what's to be expected of a party with a very obvious religious litmus test.

      I guess what I'm saying is that I've got mixed feelings because I have a hard time sympathizing with anyone that chooses to hitch their wagon to this Republican Party, but this kind of blatant discrimination is just plain disgusting, and Romney has had enough of a soul that when it come to talk of religion, he's shied away from questioning the morality of others.

  32. pashablogs

    Hi there,I totally agree with the content here and heading about USA failure in Afghanistan.Again eating habit of USA to occupy and avail any thing in the world.Still failure with down sizing economy.
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  33. pashablogs

    Hi there,I totally agree with the content here and heading about USA failure in Afghanistan.Again eating habit of USA to occupy and avail any thing in the world.Still failure with down sizing economy.

  34. NewtsChicknNeck

    ahhh…it seems just like yesterday we were funding those guys to entangle some other bloated, corrupt, and broke-ass government in an unwinnable war. our little baby's all groweds up!!

    btw: where do we go when we're done fucking up this country and/or planet? for realz. i'm not asking this rhetorically like some poor hippy peacenik who wants a decent job and half a chance for his/her kids. I've got money. where the party at?

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