OCCUPY BANKOFAMERICA.COM  12:06 pm October 6, 2011

Evil Bank of America Crippled By People Closing Their Accounts

by Wonkette Jr.

Wait 'til he sees the guillotine!For six days straight, Bank of America’s websites have been hammered. Across this struggling nation, people couldn’t get online to pay their bills or attempt to balance their shrinking balances. BofA offered no explanation for this, for six long days as its customers tried to access their financial accounts immediately after BofA announced an evil new monthly fee for people to use their own debit card for shopping. So the theory naturally developed that millions of people were rushing to the bank’s websites to close checking accounts — a good response to the giant, corrupt finance corporation’s announcement that working people and middle class people would now get another $5 punch in the mouth every month, just for using their debit cards to buy groceries.

Today, BofA announced that it had figured out the six-day wipeout of its Internet infrastructure: Lots of people were logging onto the website, to close their accounts:

After six days of website woes, Bank of America finally offered an explanation as to why its website has been sporadically unavailable to customers for nearly a week.

The problems stemmed from a combination of technical difficulties and heavier than normal traffic to the bank’s website, according to spokesperson Tara Burke.

Looks like the executives made really wise use of the $45 billion ($50 billion, actually) in federal bailout money (plus $118 billion in federal guarantees against future BofA losses) they took from us in 2008 and 2009. [CNN/Independent Voter Network]

 
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{ 296 comments }

memzilla October 6, 2011 at 12:07 pm

The Netflix Syndrome –the only protest that Corporate America understands.

OneDollarJuana October 6, 2011 at 12:17 pm

I've been promoting boycotts for years. Libs keep shushing me with the argument that it hurt workers. True, but the only way to get change is to target the wallets of Wall Street, and temporary hurt of the workers will be necessary. My guess is that bringing down two or three big fish will get the other fish in the school to turn.

NorthStarSpanx October 6, 2011 at 12:24 pm

If only we could replicate the Montgomery bus boycott – in how it crippled the economy of the South. . .except with today's municipal fiscal fitness and painful budget cuts, public transportation is the first sacrificial lamb.

Do these mass account closings really hurt BoA? What more can we do to send a message?

MistaEko October 6, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Withdraw all your money but two cents, close the account, then request they mail you your remaining balance to your home address forcing them to pay an additional 40 cents for the stamp, paper, ink, and envelope.

/Killtacular
//because fuck them that's why

Mumbletypeg October 6, 2011 at 12:38 pm

oh, I think you just won my morning.

Jukesgrrl October 6, 2011 at 3:37 pm

This actually happened to me unintentionally when I closed my accounts at Wells Fargo right after the bailout. I completed paperwork at my branch and asked for my checking account balance in cash (yeah, it was that low a number). Five days later I get a hand-addressed envelope in the mail, return address "Wells Fargo." It contained FOUR PENNIES and a note from the clerk saying they miscalculated my balance and here was the rest of it. So yes, the did have to pay for "stamp, paper, ink, and envelope."

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:08 pm

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but those skeevy bastards will simply charge you for keeping your two pennies in that account, and then sue you because you owe them ELEBENTY BAZILLION in fees, and if you're living in some state that has debtor's prisons, you're SOL.

Better to get together with a bunch of your friends/neighbours/acquaintances/colleagues who share your viewpoint and occupy their lobby, demanding to see a manager, and give them an earful.

emmelemm October 6, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Damn. I'm getting to my Wonkette late today, for various "real work" related reasons, and this is the first thread/tree of comments I see.

That is some super ninja corporate takedown shit, right there. Kudoes, man, kudoes.

powersuit October 6, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Yes. If they don't have money on deposit and fees for income, they don't have a business.

Callyson October 6, 2011 at 12:30 pm

And God knows that coddling the banks has not done much to help the workers, much less Main Street.

LesPaultard October 6, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Banks are maybe the only businesses that lose money every time a customer walks in the door.

So maybe no boycott…instead go there early and often for every little transfer or payment.

Chillwaver October 6, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Bank of China will soon be closing America's checking account too.

Tundra Grifter October 6, 2011 at 12:37 pm

It is my understanding that BofA used a considerable portion of the original TARP payment(s) to increase its stake in a Chinese bank.

GOPCrusher October 6, 2011 at 1:37 pm

AIG used it's bailout funds to pay off foreign banks that it had insured.
Makes me proud to be an American taxpayer. The fuckers.

comrad_darkness October 7, 2011 at 10:34 am

Yeah, like fucking Phil "fuck the U.S. middle class" Gramm's employer, Swiss "protect the rich from taxes" UB fucking S.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:10 pm

No, they will not, because we are currently their biggest market for that cheap crap.

nounverb911 October 6, 2011 at 12:08 pm

The invisible hand strikes again!

Dudleydidwrong October 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Fist BofA until the Invisible Hand appears at its mouth. The bastards!

Gratuitous World October 6, 2011 at 12:09 pm

BREAKING: BofA announces $600 fee to close your account. Added BofA Spokesperson, "Go fuck yourself."

KathrynSane October 6, 2011 at 12:15 pm

I'm actually still getting fees on a BofA account I closed two months ago. So they won't charge you to close it, they'll just keep fining you but not tell you until you've racked up $35 in bullshit fees on an account that no longer exists.

Ken Layne October 6, 2011 at 1:09 pm

And then it shows up as a delinquent/charge off years later on your credit score when you're trying to buy a car or something.

/So I've heard, anyway ….

johnnyzhivago October 6, 2011 at 1:39 pm

You can get Bank of America to do ANYTHING if you just go in and close your account(s). Threatening isn't good enough, you have actually go in and say "I'd like to close my accounts".

They immediately bend over.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Exactly. Then they add late fees and charges on top of existing late fees and charges, and before you know it, you owe them a grand or two for CLOSING your fucking account.

Lascauxcaveman October 6, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Hahahahahaha, joke's on them.

(As if I even HAD $600 in my account.)

i_AM_ready October 6, 2011 at 1:00 pm

No joke. I wanted to move my IRA someplace where I could get more than 0.3% interest, and they said it would cost me $75 to send the money anywhere else electronically. I said, "But I do dozens of electronic transactions with you every month and there's no charge." They said, "It's just our policy." I thought if I complained for a minute or 2, they would say "OK we'll waive it." But they would not relent. Finally they said they could cut me a check for free, so I said OK, but it was a pain because then I had to FedEx the check to my new bank.

It just seemed like a dick move on their part, because they could have done the electronic transfer in a second, but instead they spent a half-hour of 2 employees' time hassling with me and cutting the check. It seemed calculated to wear customers down until they say, "OK, just charge me the $75."

FNMA October 6, 2011 at 1:22 pm

One person's dick move is another's business plan.

mouse6 October 8, 2011 at 4:06 am

By that standard BoA has it all figured out.

Guppy06 October 6, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Look on the bright side: it probably cost them $75 in man-hours, etc. to refuse to waive the $75 fee.

elviouslyqueer October 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

And don't forget, somebody's got to pay those long-distance charges to the BoA call center in Bangalore.

Jukesgrrl October 6, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Thanks for telling that story. My mother's moving her accounts from BoA to a credit union on Wednesday and this info is helpful.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 6, 2011 at 6:16 pm

What's real genius is how they'll spend 44 cents every month to mail you a statement telling you about the 4 cents in interest you earned on your account.

demandequality October 6, 2011 at 10:55 pm

BoA ripped me off last year with a bunch of bullshit fees & were nasty as hell when I closed the account & would not refund the fees since I was leaving. Fuck 'em all.

chascates October 6, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Time for a government bailout!

ttommyunger October 6, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Fuck'em, fuck'em hard with a cue stick.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Sideways chainsaw assfuck them.

ttommyunger October 6, 2011 at 12:55 pm

As usual, I like your idea better, prommie.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Hey, I'm not fussy. Happy to borrow a chainsaw instead.

fartknocker October 6, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Stick with the pool cue. Just break the stick in their ass while twisting it. And prelube is not allowed.

My credit union would be pleased.

ttommyunger October 6, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Credit Union-WIN!

Pat_Pending October 6, 2011 at 1:39 pm

for me, I choose the 14-inch spiked strap-on…

ttommyunger October 6, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Me likey, but no reach-arounds for these fuckwads.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Um … I presume you're getting this from Bad Vibrations?

Or Biel_ze_Bubba?

Swampgas_Man October 6, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Being electronically minded, I pick the broken light-bulb.

elviouslyqueer October 6, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Spiky, acid-tipped dick or GTFO.

ttommyunger October 6, 2011 at 1:48 pm

I bow to your obvious expertise ;) El.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Release the crazy-hairy-kraken on their ass!

ttommyunger October 6, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Michele Bachmann?

prommie October 6, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Can you just imagine the crazy-hairy giant bush on that one? Probably all grizzled and gray, too, you can tell by how thick the hair on her head is, and how low the hairline is on her forehead.

Rotundo_ October 6, 2011 at 5:02 pm

The kind where they use sheep shears to clear a path for the gyno exam? One of those big half horsepower Wahl Angora Sheep and Cameloid specials.

ttommyunger October 6, 2011 at 6:57 pm

And how the eyebrows meet. Ewwwwww!

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Got a cue stick I can borrow?

ttommyunger October 6, 2011 at 6:59 pm

Too uncoordinated to shoot pool. Rugby or dwarf tossing is more my speed.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 6, 2011 at 12:10 pm

The schaden freudes itself, again!

:)

4TheTurnstiles October 6, 2011 at 12:12 pm

There are good banks to which you can move what money you have. Example:
http://www.cdbanks.org

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Also just about any credit union is a thousand times less evil than BOA.

OneDollarJuana October 6, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Fer instance, CU's are non-profit. This one feature makes them morally superior to for-profit banks.

Ken Layne October 6, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Exactly. And hey … that's not a bad idea for ALL finance companies.

OneDollarJuana October 6, 2011 at 1:26 pm

At least reinstate Glass-Steagall and keep your banker from playing craps with your money.

HuddledMass October 7, 2011 at 11:59 am

Totes. My credit union repays me the fee I get charged when/if I use another bank's ATM. How cool is that?

HogeyeGrex October 6, 2011 at 12:15 pm

There are Poors who still have money?

Dr_Zoidberg October 6, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Yes, from selling kidneys and eyes and other unimportant body parts.

Lascauxcaveman October 6, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Even semi-evil US Bank gave me a free-everything account when I did my re-fi with them. So, if you shop around, you can find something reasonable.

OneDollarJuana October 6, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Credit Unions!

jetjaguar October 6, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Agreed, as a state employee I've been using a credit union for a few years now. Becuase of them my mortgage is much lower and there are never any bullshit fees. They even walk me through my taxes each year. Because even though I'm a god damn scientist running an entire laboratory, even using TurboTax reduces my brain to mush.

I <3's them, I <3's them real hard.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Don't feel bad. Half my friends are math geeks with advanced degrees (I mean, WTF wants a PhD in math?), yet ask them to calculate the tip on any restaurant bill, and it's all, "Well, I could give you a means of deducing whether it's going to be an odd or an even number," and "WTF is my calculator?"

tejanojim October 6, 2011 at 5:51 pm

You can also go to http://www.moveyourmoneyproject.org/ for local banks and credit unions near you. In Houston, I bank with Properity and they are fine. I've also heard good things about Frost.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:22 pm

How are they about international money transfer stuff? Like, if you're traveling in some strange country and need cash, is it easy to get? Or can you get them to transfer funds from your account to a temp account in a different location?

Because that's the only reason I bank with the big bastards any more, and it's increasingly becoming unbearable.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Thanks for the linky.

yrbmegr October 6, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Like they care.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Years ago I used BOA for bidness stuff, and foolishly used their debit card in a VA ABC store. The clerk copied my number and ordered his girlfriend a $4000 pair of diamond earrings on line. BOA, after rejecting the charge a couple of times, paid it. I screamed, they made it "right," and were curious why I thought there was a problem.

Evil fuckers. Too big to fail? It's tempting to find out.

Also, since they bought Merrill Lynch, those bloodsuckers call me every few weeks wanting me to invest with the world's largest brokerage firm that went broke. A person must be desperate to take a job making cold calls like that.

OneDollarJuana October 6, 2011 at 12:24 pm

On the other hand, I had some check fraud on my account, to the tune of $13,000. BofA acted as promptly and reasonably as one could expect. I have no complaints about how they treated me. However, they clearly have mistreated millions of others, and my plan of action is now clear.

Arken October 6, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Yep, they treated me very well in the past too, but this is a case of a corporation losing not money but additional profit and we need to teach corporate America that making a profit is what is important, not how much. My wife is in charge of our finances, but I am doing my best to pressure her into closing our accounts.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:24 pm

I could lurk outside your house, making faces at her, if that would help.

Arken October 6, 2011 at 7:34 pm

We keep the curtains closed.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Obviously it depends on whom you're dealing with at any moment, and like any big institution BOA has some good people. They also have insurance against this sort of thing, which is why when small depositors have small losses, they just fix it right away, and good for them. Now, when they buy lots and lots of bad mortgages gift-wrapped in an S&P "AAA" rating, and insure that with credit default swaps, things get, uh…complicated.

GOPCrusher October 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Was it someone with a Russian accent, named Peggy?

Rotundo_ October 6, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Buffets investment patterns and advice notwithstanding, I wouldn't park a penny in their institution or a nickel investing in them. Unlike credit unions, these fuckers are playing casino night every day and night with other peoples money. Run, do not walk to the nearest *local* bank or credit union and let these evil fucks burn. Individual accounts don't worry them much, but if enough of them walk it might prick up an eyebrow at least, which is better than nothing.

comrad_darkness October 7, 2011 at 9:55 am

I have to confess, this is why I don't get why people use debit cards if they have a credit card in their wallet. Credit card: no transaction fee, zero risk if number is misused vs. debit card: per transaction fee and any lonely eastern european money launderer or nigerian check scammer can empty your account remotely just with the number and then you get to prove it wasn't you who did it to get the money back. No thanks.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 7, 2011 at 10:03 am

Yet another reason it sucks to be a Poor – how can they use those points for airline miles if they don’t have a credit card?

donner_froh October 6, 2011 at 12:13 pm

The invisible hand clicks the invisible mouse and B of A collapses.

gizdal October 7, 2011 at 12:32 pm

the invisible hand just stepped outside and is molesting a teen-age girl.

ManchuCandidate October 6, 2011 at 12:13 pm

What about the little people who work for BofA? Don't you US Americans give a shit about them? You know the two overworked tellers, the sadistic loan officer and the desperate looking bank manager who wants to get out of Bumfuck and back to corprat HQ?

I mean, it's not like the execubots and lackeys who made BofA the big Uncle Sugar tit moochers and vultures they've been for quite some time actually do.

Ken Layne October 6, 2011 at 1:15 pm

BofA just announced another 40,000 layoffs. There won't *be* any Little People at Bank of America before long. http://articles.latimes.com/2011/sep/10/business/

/And the ones who remain will no doubt be sadistic, paranoid creeps compelled to double-down on the customer abuse to make Asshole Quota.

Toomush_Infer October 6, 2011 at 1:20 pm

You mean, "Peggy"?…

HuddledMass October 7, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Gosh, my ex-sister-in-law works for BoA. I hope she's one of those 40K getting laid off, the heinous bitch.

Sorry, getting personal there….

FNMA October 6, 2011 at 2:16 pm

"The little people"?
They can get gigs being tossed in Florida.

Come here a minute October 6, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Did they try turning it off and turning it back on again?

BarryOPotter October 6, 2011 at 3:09 pm

"We tried Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and it worked the first time, but now it's just a blue screen with some crazy writing on it. We should have used a Mac…"

LesPaultard October 6, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Too late for that, he's gone now.

Too soon?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 6, 2011 at 4:25 pm

If you do use a Mac, the OS has an icon for PC's on your network: a beige monitor with a blue screen. Steve Jobs, wherever he is, must still be chuckling.

BarryOPotter October 6, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Well, Biel – can I call you Biel? Well, if you can't seem to locate Steve, that would suggest…

Biel_ze_Bubba October 6, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Hmmm … now that you mention it … nothing in the guest register.
The guy never seemed like our type anyhow.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Believe you me, I upgraded to a brand-spanking-new laptop with Win 7, and those miserable bastards assured me, no more BSoD. Right. Buncha fucking LIARS, the machine gets slower each week and just hangs and freezes without the famous iconic BSoD, so you can sit there and stare at it for half an hour or just fucking give up and cold-boot the goddamned thing, assuming you don't give in to your baser impulses and boot it out the nearest Window.

I'm saving up for a Mac. Better for video-editing anyway.

comrad_darkness October 7, 2011 at 10:05 am

Huh, I am forced to use Win 7 under virtualbox on occasion, I think it's only crashed once and it actually seems vaguely usable. But, on the other hand, getting and keeping windows running on a mac is buttloads easier than getting it running on some random crap hardware from some grey market back alley in taiwan. So maybe that's the issue.

SayItWithWookies October 6, 2011 at 12:13 pm

It's a DDOS* attack!

*Distributed Denial of Suckerhood.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Cyber terrorism! Cyber warfare! Call DoD!

Honestly, when you hear people like Richard Clarke say, "It's really scary, but I can't tell anything specific because it's ULTA-SUPER-SECRET Q CRYPTO classified," it's hard not to be a bit suspicious.

Pragmatist2 October 6, 2011 at 12:13 pm

What an opportunity! They will soon start charging folks $100 to close their accounts. They will call the program "Win/Win!"

Buzz Feedback October 6, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Bitches can suck it.

Lucidamente1 October 6, 2011 at 12:14 pm

"I tell ya, boss, it's genius. Everybody loves America, right? So everybody will love paying sixty bucks a year to a bank with America in its name. I tell ya, it's a sure thing."

"Biggley, you're right. Let's run with it!"

KathrynSane October 6, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Yeah, I'm closing my BofA accounts and moving to a credit union ASAP. Fuck 'em. The convenience isn't worth constantly being punched in the vag by our be-monocled overlords.

Ken Layne October 6, 2011 at 1:16 pm

http://www.findacreditunion.com/

Link does what it says.

Geminisunmars October 6, 2011 at 2:31 pm

I've belonged to a CU since the days I used to have a "real" job (early 80s) and they are great, but not conveniently located. The last couple years, though, they have aflilated with other CUs and I can now do my banking through a nearby CU that isn't the one I belong to. Very nice.

hollywooddood October 6, 2011 at 12:14 pm

No worries, BoA. If you get into another jam, we'll bail you out.

comrad_darkness October 7, 2011 at 10:02 am

Actually, I confess to a secret anticipatory glee at the teabaggers currently jerking congress around. That BofA will take a swan dive during this term and there will be no bailout. Oh, the places we will go. The things we will see.

SorosBot October 6, 2011 at 12:15 pm

So the banks actually can go too far into laying on their extra fees to drain the money out of our checking accounts, who knew.

Sophist[Kochblocker] October 6, 2011 at 12:15 pm

If we just cut corporate taxes, all of these problems would go away.

DaRooster October 6, 2011 at 12:20 pm

And hey, MORE JOBS!!

chicken_thief October 6, 2011 at 1:36 pm

I'm sure Cain's 999 Plan and Chilean Model addresses situations like this. Just ask him.

Ruhe October 6, 2011 at 12:15 pm

BofA customers, change your account password to Tania because BofA clearly intends to fuck you so that you stay fucked…publicly if possible but privately if necessary.

baconzgood October 6, 2011 at 12:15 pm

"I don't have your money here. It's in Bill's house and Fred's house"

-Cartoon Jimmy Steward-

FNMA October 6, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Well, then, tell fucking Bill and Fred to give me my fucking money!

Guppy06 October 6, 2011 at 1:36 pm

In this case, Bill owns four houses and Fred owns six.

Not counting foreclosed properties, of course.

Sparky_McGruff October 6, 2011 at 9:06 pm

"I don't have your money here. It's in the CEO's Swiss account, it's in the trader's fictitious corporation in Barbados"

–Real B of A executive

DaRooster October 6, 2011 at 12:15 pm

"Too big to fail."

When you just fuck people over for a living/killing… eventually we will "get it"… and you won't.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:32 pm

No, no, no … we will get it, and then THEY WILL TOO, only in the neck.

DaSandman October 6, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Let's us just force feed BOA our giganormous collective progressive cock until the rat bastards choke.

We can practice on Marcus first…

Lucidamente1 October 6, 2011 at 12:17 pm

He'd kind of like it, though.

KenLayIsAlive October 6, 2011 at 12:19 pm

if by "kind of" you mean "really a whole lot love it".

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Goddammit, I've GOT to start showing up at Teh Wonketz on time, or EVERUHbody just cold-steals my best lines.

widestanceshakedown October 6, 2011 at 1:38 pm

The fun starts once the choking stops.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Oh, I'm sure Marcus knows how to avoid the gag reflex.

ProudLibunatic October 6, 2011 at 12:16 pm

But…but… their ads feature narration by Kiefer (not creepy at all) Sutherland, and he is always protecting our freedom. Right?

Golfing_OJ October 6, 2011 at 1:36 pm

I know, huh? Keifer really does seem to be an integral part of the fucking problem, doesn't he?

SorosBot October 6, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Wait, Bank of America has a foreign socialist Canadian doing their ads?

prommie October 6, 2011 at 12:17 pm

God I hope everyone is "cynical" (that means "intelligent and realistic" to me) to know that BOA deliberately slowed down its website to make it more difficult to log on and close you account, knowing that this would deter some significant percentage of the people, who were acting on impulse and would forget in a few days.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Banks make a science out of predicting the percentage of "defaults" people will commit, and then structuring things so they can count on an income from the predictable 10% or 15% of people who will forget something or be late with something, and who they can then charge some arbitrary fee.

A case in point: when NJ adopted EZ-Pass, it hired Chase Manhattan to process payments, to collect payments from people with an EZ-pass transponder. The payments were made by credit card. But here is the odd thing, rather then debit-billing monthly for tolls incurred, they made you pay up-front, a deposit, of what you thought you would spend, and then they would deduct each toll from that fund on account. And what happened if you depleted your fund on account and went through a toll? A $35 fine! The entire system was designed by Chase so they could collect these fines from the predictable percentage of people who would "overdraw" their "account."

Biel_ze_Bubba October 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

And of course the banksters love collecting the interest on the millions of dollars "borrowed" from people's credit card accounts. If you haven't paid your balance in full, you're paying interest on the money E-Zpass grabs from your account in advance of your actually needing to spend it.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:36 pm

You're preparing lots and lots of "special" rooms in your palace for them, aren't you, Biely?

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:35 pm

And Bloomberg wants us to feel sorry for these conniving bastards.

KenLayIsAlive October 6, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Look, if they don't get that extra five dollars from you a month, then who isw going to pay the hookers to give the executives rim jobs? Huh? You want them to go without rimjobs, don't you. You monster.

But seriously, if you live in LA, NY, or Las Vegas, bank with Amalgamated. Very few fees, and those that exist are eery low. And it is owned by a union. Honestly for my first three bounced checks, they never charged me a service fee. I couldn't believe it. Plus, they have this all point service, which makes thousands of ATMS free – but if not, they only charge you 75 cents, not the other banks that charge 2 or three.

Its a little mom and pop feeling, but I've been there for 5 years and never been happier. Do eeet.

https://www.amalgamatedbank.com/home/home

Lucidamente1 October 6, 2011 at 12:19 pm

But what about the rim jobs?

OneDollarJuana October 6, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Hey, if I start charging $5 for this or that, can I start getting rim jobs, too?

GOPCrusher October 6, 2011 at 1:54 pm

That's the problem with this country. You just can't find a good 5 dollar rimjob anymore.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Or USAA Bank. Sounds all governo-militaristic, but they are wonderful. The main thing is to get over the idea that (1) you need a marble lobby in a stone building to be a bank, and (2) that your bank has to be in your state or city.

Or a credit union.

Callyson October 6, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Thanks for the tip! I'm in LA and want to get out of Wells Fargo, which is just about as bad as Skank of America.

Ken Layne October 6, 2011 at 1:17 pm
PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Thanks. Damn, coming here is like tapping into some great fucking Netwide Encyclopaedia of All I Want To Know.

Barrelhse October 6, 2011 at 12:18 pm

The Invisible Hand has a Visible Finger.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:38 pm

A Middle Finger. And it is rigid. And extended in our general direction.

gizdal October 7, 2011 at 12:36 pm

the invisible hand just stepped outside and is molesting a teenage girl.
you can guess what the visible finger is doing…

PalinzADummy October 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Geezus, it's been up our collective orifices enough that we KNOW what the fuck it's doing.

MozakiBlocks October 6, 2011 at 12:18 pm

I closed my BofA Visa and thanks to Barry, I can tell them to 'eff off. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta!

SorosBot October 6, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Ah, bank runs; every day it gets to look just a little bit more like the golden days of the Hoover years.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 6, 2011 at 4:06 pm

They really are taking America "back", aren't they?

donner_froh October 6, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Exactly the type of robust TI infrastructure and technical support that we have come to expect from bailed out banks.

DaRooster October 6, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Meanwhile-
Chase told me a year or so ago,"If you don't use your debit card X number of times per month… you will get charged."

So… I bank at the Credit Union.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 6, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Credit unions are the way to go, for many reasons. If everyone used their local C.U., much of the money pouring into the banksters' pockets could, instead, be going back to customers, as interest on their accounts or better deals on their loans.

JUST DO IT, PEOPLE!!

Jukesgrrl October 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm

And if you agree to make the appropriate number of charges in a month, you will find their month is not a "month," but actually 30 days that begin in one month and end in another. So you can never tell if you're fulfilling their requirement. If you don't — BINGO, the fee is taken out of your account.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:40 pm

I can't remember which one of these venereal, I mean, venal bastards I bank with. Probly Chase. I've told them a bazillion times I DO NOT WANT their fucking debit card, but they send it to me regularly anyway. I cut it up. I think from now on, after I cut it up, I will take a trip to the local branch and leave the pieces on the manager's desk. At least until I switch banks.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 12:20 pm

And why do you suppose it is that when you open an acount, or get a credit card, you get an "initial" privacy notice, which you have to use to "opt out" of letting them sell your information, and then every year you get an "annual" privacy notice? You might think the annual notice is superfluous, because you already "opted out." You might throw it away. Sucker, thats the plan; the regulations were set up that way, at the behest of the banks, who know and expect that 90% of their customers will ignore the subsequent privacy notices, and that the initial "opt-outs" will all therefore lapse.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 12:35 pm

And you can be sure they carefully scrub against the opt-out list before transmitting gigabytes of transaction data to the highest bidder or anybody with a subpoena from a secret court. If it isn't already happening, when you buy a pair of Twinkies with a debit card, that info will soon go to your health insurer so they can adjust your rate accordingly. And as for Hendricks gin…immediate termination.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 12:48 pm

If you have a "courtesy card" at the grocery store or the liquor store, that information is already being sold. The Privacy Rule applies only to "financial institutions" and financial transactions. Credit or debit transactions are not financial transactions from the standpoint of the store; the stores are free to sell all that information.

This is my speciality.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 12:58 pm

And here I thought I was a member of an exclusive club.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Oh hey, when you bring your car for warranty service, the event data recorder in the car's computer sends all its data back to the manufacturer, data about how you drive.

Sears just paid a huge fine to the FTC because everyone who ever bought anything at the Sears website got a cookie, and that cookie from that point monitored all of your other online purchases, and sent the data back to Sears, everything you bought.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 4:47 pm

So you've probably read this frightening book . If not, you'd "enjoy" it.

revmod October 6, 2011 at 5:46 pm

But for the love of God, don't download it as an eBook, or you'll get all sorts of "special" attention.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Great. Not only do I get to add to my "I'll never get done reading these fucking books by the time I'm in my grave" list, but it'll add to my paranoia and general malaise with society too!

Thanks, V! (feels around for gun)

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:43 pm

This is why I avoid those fucking things like the plague and pay cash for most of what I purchase. But, yeah, they definitely have sold as much of my data as they could, since you can't buy airline tickets and hotel reservations abroad with cash. Fuckers.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:42 pm

They can't kick you off your health insurance anymore, thanks to the ACA.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Yeah, but they can raise your rates. When I got stents in my heart, they raised the rates for everybody in my (small) company 25%. And this was in the People's Republic (of CA)!

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Geez. I'm so sorry, V. I assume you're only still working because you LERVE your job? At least, I sure as fuck hope so. Stay healthy. (That's a wish, not a command.)

Arken October 6, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Redhead October 6, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Isn't there a class action lawsuit against BoA? Maybe they were just hiding…

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 6, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Why is it that Americans hate Bank of America so much? Socialism.

JustPixelz October 6, 2011 at 12:30 pm

My wife worked for BoA. Too big too fail! (The bank, not her, god help me.) Anyway, she worked there until two weeks ago when they laid her off. She had the health insurance and we both have chronic conditions. According to Herman Cain this is all her fault. And, according to the TP'ers at the GOP debate last month, if she gets sick, she should just die on a bench outside the hospital (while I scream my lungs out at them).

Fortunately, despite our pre-existing conditions, we can get coverage from my employer under Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996. A bill which would never pass today because it regulates (and helps people).

Also, get your money back from BoA, the bastards.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 12:39 pm

1996, huh? As usual, it's Clinton's fault.

fuflans October 6, 2011 at 12:52 pm

i'm so sorry pixelz.

it seems there are so many stories like this (including me – can't wait to try and find health ins when my cobra runs out / scotus kills the health care bill).

what a sad country we've become.

spends2much October 6, 2011 at 1:09 pm

I'm sorry to hear of the health insurance issues you're both having. It sounds truly terrifying, and renews my happiness in my luck at being born Canadian. That's at least one thing we don't have to worry about, despite the BS tales you sometimes hear about our healthcare system.
Single payer all the way!

fuflans October 6, 2011 at 1:18 pm

actually i'm half canadian. recently got a passport under your new citizenship rules. BUT!! i live and work in the land of teatards and herman cain and fucking eric cantor.

though we have seriously considered moving. especially as you and your banks were much much smarter than we were…

spends2much October 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Canada and the US need to do some sort of "prisoner-exchange"-like thing, where you give us a nice, smart Liberal- leaning person and we'll send you down a Canadian Tea Bagger (sadly, there are some here too).

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Geezus. I'm so sorry, Pixelz.

I pulled out everything I had at B of A a long time ago, but it would have given me great comfort to go down there and get all shouty while pulling out my money, videotaping the whole fucking thing, and sending it to you and the wife for larfs. Pigfuckers is what they are.

ShaveTheWhales October 7, 2011 at 1:02 am

I hate to tell you this, but be mentally prepared for the fact that your HIPAA policy is probably going to cost more and be much shittier coverage than the employer-based plan. At least that was my experience when the COBRA ran out.

On that topic, if she was just laid off, she should be eligible for 18 months of COBRA extension. That'll cost more, too, but the coverage will be the same as you had. Don't pass up the COBRA unless you're really sure you've evaluated things completely.

DaRooster October 7, 2011 at 1:21 am

Wishing you the best Pix.

Dr_Zoidberg October 6, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Awwww… let me whip out the world's smallest violin to play them a sad tune.

Mumbletypeg October 6, 2011 at 12:32 pm

"I'm being Swallowed by a BoA Constrictor" was always one of those songs, whe we sang it in nursery school, that actually horrified me. Now I've outgrown that phobia & actually like snakes but by all means let's flush these toxic predators down the sewers.

Fred_Wertham_Jr October 6, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Giannini's Revenge. A.P. has cursed these motherfuckers from beyond the grave.

tovangar2 October 7, 2011 at 12:32 pm

YES!

widestanceshakedown October 6, 2011 at 12:37 pm

How soon will the teatards clamor for a constitutional amendment making it illegal to close bank accounts from banks bearing the word 'America' in their name?

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:51 pm

PLEASE don't give them any ideas, please!

neiltheblaze October 7, 2011 at 11:04 am

As soon as Dick Armey or one of the Koch's thinks of it.

freakishlywrong October 6, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Looks like somebody is only going to get a $3 million bonus next year. Oh yeah, see ya, BoFuckersA!

Schmannnity October 6, 2011 at 12:40 pm

The time for the Tennis Court Oath rapidly approaches.

veritass October 6, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Bunch Of Assholes.

fuflans October 6, 2011 at 12:42 pm

according to spokesperson Tara Burke

you know who ELSE was named tara??

Schmannnity October 6, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Tara Alert?

Schmannnity October 6, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Tara Newasshole?

Steverino247 October 6, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I says when it's quittin' time at Tara.

QUITTIN' TIME!

GOPCrusher October 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Tara Reid?

Geminisunmars October 6, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Lou Sarah's fictional doppelganger?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 6, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Tara Firma?

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Tara RaBoomDeay?

neiltheblaze October 7, 2011 at 11:05 am

That would be a great stripper name.

PalinzADummy October 7, 2011 at 1:16 pm

You know, that cute little Polish Socialist might just need one.

SorosBot October 6, 2011 at 12:43 pm

But shouldn't we worry about the little people? If we hurt Bank of America, we don't just hurt their big executives, but those executives' favorite call girls and coke dealers as well.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 12:53 pm

The lack of demand will force down the price for Lincoln Tunnel traffic-jam blowjobs!

poncho_pilot October 6, 2011 at 12:56 pm

blow job deflation!

prommie October 6, 2011 at 1:13 pm

New meaning to the words "boom and bust."

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 6, 2011 at 1:19 pm

If demand for coke goes down, how will Florida prosper?

prommie October 6, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Someday soon perhaps I will finally be able to afford my dream, to do lines of the best blow off the asscheeks of a smoking hot 5-diamond call girl!

Biel_ze_Bubba October 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Sounds sweet … but how, exactly, do you plan to become a BofA executive?

Wilcoxyz October 6, 2011 at 12:45 pm

That's the invisible middle finger of the market.

Really though, this market correction is a bit overdue.

Guppy06 October 6, 2011 at 1:37 pm

I'm more fond of the idea of the Invisible Fisting.

comrad_darkness October 6, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Word.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 12:50 pm

I've been watching Breaking Bad, from the beginning. Its making me have bad thoughts.

fartknocker October 6, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Does your thoughts involve those two Satan-level evil Mexican hit men in Season 3? Who ever thought up those two is one hell of a writer.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 1:44 pm

I've been watching the whole series on Netflix for the last week, I only just got to those two hitmen. Don't spoil anything. But yeah, that show is awesome.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 1:45 pm

My bad thoughts involve outlaw moneymaking ideas that are way safer than cooking meth.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:53 pm

I thought having bad thoughts was the norm for you.

flamingpdog October 6, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Credit unions, peeplez, credit unions! Non-profit (SOCHULIZMZ!!1!), no stockholders to pay off. Been working for me for over 30 years now. And most credit unions have expanded their client base so greatly in recent years (my University of Colorado Credit Union changed its name to Elevations Credit Union after noticing that only 30 percent of its clients actually had some connection to the University of Colorado) that just about anyone can get in.

Banks can go Cheney themselves.

Antispandex October 6, 2011 at 12:56 pm

You mean people won't stand for being charged more for less? What is happening to America? This is what happens when you don't spend enough time teaching children about the advantages of unrestricted capitolism!

L188188 October 6, 2011 at 1:01 pm

tal

One_Man_Band October 6, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Moved my meager funds to the local credit union after the 2008 bailouts. I guess it is marginally less evil. Instead of paying millions to bastard CEOs, apparently my money now buys gaudy jewelry for overweight female credit union employees. At least they buy it in my town, I hope…

L188188 October 6, 2011 at 1:01 pm

BoA's debit card fee is like the "New Coke" of banking.

GOPCrusher October 6, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Except, no one at BofA is smart enough to pull it back off the shelves.

OneYieldRegular October 6, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Last month, French newspaper Le Monde was all over BofA (& Wells Fargo and Citibank) and their scandalous failure to honor the terms under which they received bailout funds – not to mention the administration caving to their craven demands to opt out of their obligations. It was amazing to see the European coverage of what's clearly a huge scandal vs. the American press barely even bothering to pick up the story.

Jukesgrrl October 6, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Pretty soon no Americans who now how to READ newspapers, thanks to the Republicans.

e_z October 6, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Time for Neil Cavuto to come to BoA's rescue.

Go for it you Toad.

GregComlish October 6, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Fuck the banks, join a Credit Union. Same services less bullshit. And unlike your despicable banks, they aren't gamble away your deposit and then try to make up their losses by government handouts or raping their customers.

Ken Layne October 6, 2011 at 1:27 pm

You know how you feel Better About Life when you buy your nice food from a co-op? The closest thing in banking is using a goddamn socialist co-op:
http://www.creditunion.coop/

Slim_Pickins October 6, 2011 at 1:16 pm

BofA CEO Moynihan claims "we have a RIGHT to make a profit." Sound socialist to me.

4TheTurnstiles October 6, 2011 at 1:20 pm

No, Mr. Moynihan, you have a right to try to earn a profit.* The world doesn't owe you a goddamned cent, asshole.

*yes, I know that it's not the suits who make the value, but still…

GOPCrusher October 6, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Privatize the profits. Socialize the losses.

fuflans October 6, 2011 at 1:21 pm

french revolution jokes!!

i love the wonkette.

LettucePrey October 6, 2011 at 1:24 pm

My brother works for BofA, and refuses to bank there.
That's got to mean something.

WhatTheHeck October 6, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Its a Bugs Life. Little bugs think they can overthrow the big bugs.
Ha. What a joke. The big bugs have the government, the police and the military to help them.
Still, little bugs could show some resistance and organization, and, just maybe…

cheetojeebus October 6, 2011 at 7:47 pm

two words: fire ants
an' s'more:
t-tiny little mean ass motherfuckers

BlueStateLibel October 6, 2011 at 1:30 pm

And request for another taxpayer bailout in 1, 2, 3….

BornInATrailer October 6, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Couldn't happen to a worse bank.

superdave October 6, 2011 at 1:38 pm

I gave BofA the heave-ho a couple years ago. Just got tired of putting up with their bullshit. Credit Unions FTW!

Guppy06 October 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

So they'll charge $5 to let you use the account, but balk at having to spend 44¢ to mail out a statement?

chicken_thief October 6, 2011 at 1:47 pm

But it's just white people moving their money, so it doesn't count as any kind of statement against the stupid fee.

Beetagger October 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

I switched to a credit union. Free happy endings with my deposits!

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:56 pm

I would like to know more about these "happy endings" of which you speak.

owhatever October 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I would like for the US gummint to now impose a $6 per customer fee on BofA for the use of our tax bailout money, over and above the interest due. Let's play that too big to fail game again and see how it comes out for the BofA this time around. Asshats.

GOPCrusher October 6, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Barry would probably be running a 99% approval rating, if they just would have nationalized the banks long enough to break them up into smaller pieces, sell the parts off, and introduced legislation that prevented them from buying each other up again.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 6, 2011 at 2:07 pm

I went to Credit Unions long ago. I never looked back. Suck it BOA.

GOPCrusher October 6, 2011 at 2:07 pm

O/T but: http://news.yahoo.com/cain-rails-against-wall-str

FUCK YOU, HERB CAIN.

Pop_Socket October 6, 2011 at 2:24 pm

BoA's new slogan: Higher Fees AND Crappier Service. Because we are all that's left.

comrad_darkness October 6, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Couldn't happen to a nicer bank.

dancesw_cougars October 6, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Don't ya love her madly
Wanna be her daddy
Don't ya love her face
Don't ya love her as she's walkin' out the door

The Doors

I don't think she's coming back BofA. I think you beat her once too often.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 3:52 pm

When that song was new, and still in the top 40, I was having my first ever crush on a girl in the 3rd grade, and even now, I can see her in my memory, because you quoted those words, but even more clearly, I hear her voice.

Uniprober October 6, 2011 at 2:51 pm

True dat; there is also a service fee if you DON"T use your debit card.

KeepFnThatChicken October 6, 2011 at 2:51 pm

I have fallen under my bank's radar for 14 years. Every few years or so, they charge me three bucks for debit card usage. It isn't all the time. But I have never paid a monthly service charge, ever. And I am going to stay right the fuck there, until they get wise.

Mind you, my bank also made a mint off my ass when I once forgot to account for two receipts, then went shopping a day earlier than the paycheck.

We were hungry for two weeks. Never again.

comrad_darkness October 6, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Is it just me or does the subtext of Bank of America's actions always seem to be: "And what are you going to do about it, losers? Cry to congress? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

KeepFnThatChicken October 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm

So if Greece owes BofA a shitload of money, yet at the same time we kill BofA, will that help Greece and that whole shitty continent out?

MiniMencken October 6, 2011 at 3:52 pm

When I was a BofA customer a couple of years back, I deposited a check from the sale of a car. They sent the check back to the bank of the issuer because it was suspiciously "too large an amount" and then charged me overdraft fees for the checks written.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 11:53 pm

You should be grateful, nonetheless. One of Teh Culludz recently bought a house and got a cheque from the bank — I think it was BoA — and the bank called the cops on him when he tried to deposit it. He spent the weekend in jail, lost his job, and had his car towed.

Soon, we'll be grateful when our Banking Overlords don't actually kill us for daring to crawl in the door and beg for a few pennies of our own money.

emmelemm October 7, 2011 at 3:00 am

Actually, I believe that was Chase (where I bank). In my general (fairly general) vicinity, no less.

I plan to mention it when I'm able to finally close that bitch out (after my credit union account is open and everything's cleared from the Chase account).

PalinzADummy October 7, 2011 at 3:16 am

Perhaps you could videotape the ensuing hilarity and post it somewhere for us all to enjoy?

jqheywood October 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm

You betcha…we just switched to them for banking, after having used them for insurance, credit card, car loan, & home equity loan.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Bailouts are wonderful things: BofA gets your money, whether or not you have an account with them. How's that for getting the last laugh?

Jukesgrrl October 6, 2011 at 7:59 pm

They'll probably get more of our money when European countries start defaulting on their loans. Come to think of it, that might be Greece's plan. "The Americans should cover our losses. We're the birthplace of democracy."

misanthrope October 6, 2011 at 5:24 pm

You should see the view from the inside, it's like working for the Bluth Company. Solid as a rock!

Jukesgrrl October 6, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Do tell.

glamourdammerung October 6, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I just feel the need to mention that if credit unions (or at least my local ones) would be willing to do business accounts, some of us would not have to deal with banks we dislike. There is nothing quite like going into multiple businesses, literally asking them to take my money, and getting turned away.

ShaveTheWhales October 7, 2011 at 1:09 am

I'm not sure (i.e., I don't have the facts to back this up), but I think that may be a regulatory prohibition, not a lack of willingness. When you join a credit union, you become a member/owner — I'm not sure how a business account would fit that model.

glamourdammerung October 7, 2011 at 6:28 am

I know for a fact that some do. Just none anywhere I live do for some reason. It could be a state rule for all I know, but I figured that someone would have mentioned it to me when I tried to open accounts at some point if it was a legal issue.

comrad_darkness October 7, 2011 at 9:32 am

Find a small local bank for your business account. They are still around. Make sure it's not on the unofficial problem bank list so you don't have to worry about them getting absorbed by some regional semi-behemoth right after you get your checks printed.

tejanojim October 6, 2011 at 5:53 pm

You can go to http://www.moveyourmoneyproject.org/ for local banks and credit unions near you. In Houston, I bank with Properity and they are fine. I've also heard good things about Frost.

emmelemm October 6, 2011 at 8:44 pm

BOOM! Done. I opened a credit union account. Of course, I can't close my (Chase, not BofA, actually) account until all the checks have cleared and the dust is settled, but man, will it be satisfying when I do!

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 8:53 pm

You won't be sorry. My little local bank reimburses you for using non-affiliated ATMs; CUs probably do too. So you can use any one!

emmelemm October 6, 2011 at 9:15 pm

{happy dance}

My only hesitation for these last months/years has been the following: I work for a very small company (for ten years), and I get paid with PAPER. CHECKS. Handwritten. There will never be direct deposit for me. And I have a pathological fear of mailing in deposits, or putting them in ATMs, from an incident 20 years ago!!??!!1!! where I put a check in an ATM and they claimed it "was not in the envelope", etc. So I "have to" go in and deposit my checks, in person, to a human. But guess what: these are the times that try (wo)men's souls, and I am prepared to SUCK IT UP and mail my quaint hw checks in. Fortunately, I don't (yet) live literally paycheck-to-paycheck, so a little lag before money shows up in my account will not kill me.

ShaveTheWhales October 7, 2011 at 1:13 am

Look for one that has deposit by scanner. On the unfortunately rare occasions when I have a paper check to deposit, it takes about two minutes on the computer, and you can see the deposit appear in your account.

Partial disclaimer: My experience on this is with USAA, which is not a credit union, but the scanner tech is demonstrably in existence, so I suspect some CUs must have it by now.

emmelemm October 7, 2011 at 2:57 am

Thanks! Yeah, this credit union has that, but it said on their website yada yada good credit (yes) yada yada must have done a direct deposit also. ??!!?

I shall call them tomorrow and inquire. I am, however, undeterred, in any event.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 7, 2011 at 9:16 am

We have 15 employees and have used a payroll service (Paychex) since we got our second employee. It’s been well worth it. We also send and receive large checks via the US Mail all the time, with very few incidents. Too bad it’s dying, because USPS does, and always has done, good work at low cost with high reliability, even if your local window clerk or letter carrier has a bad attitude.

Jukesgrrl October 6, 2011 at 8:58 pm

My mom's 85 and this is the first political action — other than voting — she's EVER taken.I think it's some kind of measure of how pissed off people are.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 10:17 pm

I sure fucking hope so, and I sure fucking hope they'll ALL turn out to vote, in their millions. Because these motherfuckers are making a last two-hairy-fisted grab for power, and they're determined to take the whole fucking country down with them if they have to. I sure hope we fucking stop them in time.

neovictorienne October 10, 2011 at 3:44 pm

kicking them square in the pocketbook is the only statement these big-finance bullies understand.

your mom is awesome. i bet you anything she'll enjoy financial stuff a lot more at her new CU. they're so much more community-oriented. i know *i* sure have.

Negropolis October 6, 2011 at 11:50 pm

Boy, if they don't just keep helping legitimize the already legitimate Occupy Wall Street movement. Tone deaf much, BofA?

DahBoner October 7, 2011 at 7:38 am

"Looks like the executives made really wise use of the $45 billion ($50 billion, actually) in federal bailout money (plus $118 billion in federal guarantees against future BofA losses) they took from us in 2008 and 2009. "

Baby loves bacon.

Bacon makes baby happy…

neiltheblaze October 7, 2011 at 11:53 am

As it happens, I'm bank shopping. For years I banked with a small Cambridge bank that had maybe three locations – one of which was close to work.

My situation is different now, and I need to close that account and go somewhere more local. Bank of Amerika was never in the cards – not for a split second. I'd eat my own entrails first. I'd stuff my meager resources into a god damned mattress before I'd give those blood sucking money zombies a plugged fucking nickel. I was considering some smaller banks, and vaguely tossing it around in my head.

I was mentioning this to a friend of mine, who immediately piped up and mentioned the credit union he banks with – and heartily recommended them. "They say hi to you – and ask how things are going. They smile and remember you. They aren't assholes who think you're just a number." I said, "What? If I join, do you get a toaster or something?" He said, "No, seriously – they just don't treat you like a regular bank does." That's what I liked about my little Cambridge Bank too. They went right to the top of the list I've been thinking about.

I hadn't quite made up my mind where to go, but this settles it. I know where I'm moving my scarce and dwindling resources to.

Thanks BofA for the reminder of what scumsucking societally immoral fuckfaces banks can be. I didn't really need reminding – but I have to say the timing was impeccable.

DeathofKoalas October 12, 2011 at 10:13 am

I read a book once, really. In this book, bunch of folks protested a bank for cutting support for a community housing project by getting loads of people in line to open an account with 5 bucks, then line up at the next teller to withdraw a couple of bucks, back in line to deposit another buck, rinse, repeat… No 'real' customers can get their shit done… OWS should clog up the whole fucking bank for days and see if BofA doesn't do something about those fees.

lulzmonger October 12, 2011 at 8:45 pm

BREAKING: Invisible Hand Becomes Very Visible, Chokes A Bitch

This is a good start!

I CAN HAZ MOAR DDo$ PLZ?

Ken Layne October 6, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Another reason to donate your car to your favorite non-profit (thousands of dollars in tax deductions!) and use Zipcars http://zipcar.com for non-public-transit or rent from Enterprise (only non-asshole car rental company) for a week when you need a roadtrip.

GOPCrusher October 6, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Hmmmmmm, cookies.

GOPCrusher October 6, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Too obvious.

SorosBot October 6, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Not having a car is great; I walk or take public transportation, and on the rare occasion I need a car for something borrow my parents'.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 2:06 pm

My parents are always telling me to stop wiping the cheetos dust off my hands onto the couch, down here in their basement.

LesPaultard October 6, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Banks hate CU's, so–with their power and influence–they make sure the regs on CU's are strict. The offshoot is that this makes CU's more desirable in these times.

Jukesgrrl October 6, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Dear Sir: Sign me up. And please send subscription information for your newsletter.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Some guy named Pete left a message on my VM saying he and Steve were "partying down," whatever that means. Just thought you'd like to know.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Here, I’ll save you some time:  right after 9/11, a patriotic commercial database manager was pretty sure he could figure out who the hijackers were, since their names were known, from data he already had. And he did (addresses, credit cards, recent purchases, photos, etc.), in about an hour and a half. He provided it to the gummint free of charge. Now, it’s “illegal” for the gummint to maintain encyclopedic databases of information about US citizens. But it’s not illegal for them to buy that information. So they do, at every level, from your local PD all the way up to the feds. Cops call it plate-dating:  they see a cute chick in her car, get a dossier by running her plate, and are ready to stalk.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 10:11 pm

That's just not right, you know. It's people like you that take all the fun out of life.

Arken October 6, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Fun is the reason we keep them closed.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 10:19 pm

:)

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Holy quacking duckshit.

Good thing I'm only extremely depressed, as opposed to TERMINALLY depressed. Where DID I put that fucking gun?

flamingpdog October 6, 2011 at 11:47 pm

DId you check Kortney's cucumber?

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 11:59 pm

That's what I needed, pdog! A LARF!

No, I didn't. I know where it's been (I think) and I ain't puttin' my hands in there.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 7, 2011 at 9:13 am

Thanks. I do LERVE it. But the stents are a surprisingly small deal, punishment for inheriting the high-cholesterol gene and enjoying life. Now I take a fistful of expensive pills every morning and evening and swim a mile at lunch every day.

PalinzADummy October 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I guess I deserved that for getting a Lenovo.

PalinzADummy October 7, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Well, at least you're fighting it. Here's some good thoughts to help keep those cholesterol levels low. NEVER give up, dood. You're one of the good ones, you have a duty to stay healthy, happy, and with us for as long as you can.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 7, 2011 at 2:31 pm

No surprise. As you might expect, we do have to use Windows machines down here.

PalinzADummy October 7, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Win.

snarkycomments October 7, 2011 at 4:05 pm

You don't happen to have Windows XP on old Dells with 15" monitors and Internet Explorer 6 do you?

If so, I just realized where I work…

BarryOPotter October 11, 2011 at 9:02 am

If so, I just realized where I work…

The federal government?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 11, 2011 at 10:47 am

Relax … having the system from hell doesn't necessarily tell you where your desk is.

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