occupy bankofamerica.com

Evil Bank of America Crippled By People Closing Their Accounts

Wait 'til he sees the guillotine!For six days straight, Bank of America’s websites have been hammered. Across this struggling nation, people couldn’t get online to pay their bills or attempt to balance their shrinking balances. BofA offered no explanation for this, for six long days as its customers tried to access their financial accounts immediately after BofA announced an evil new monthly fee for people to use their own debit card for shopping. So the theory naturally developed that millions of people were rushing to the bank’s websites to close checking accounts — a good response to the giant, corrupt finance corporation’s announcement that working people and middle class people would now get another $5 punch in the mouth every month, just for using their debit cards to buy groceries.

Today, BofA announced that it had figured out the six-day wipeout of its Internet infrastructure: Lots of people were logging onto the website, to close their accounts:

After six days of website woes, Bank of America finally offered an explanation as to why its website has been sporadically unavailable to customers for nearly a week.

The problems stemmed from a combination of technical difficulties and heavier than normal traffic to the bank’s website, according to spokesperson Tara Burke.

Looks like the executives made really wise use of the $45 billion ($50 billion, actually) in federal bailout money (plus $118 billion in federal guarantees against future BofA losses) they took from us in 2008 and 2009. [CNN/Independent Voter Network]

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296 comments

    1. OneDollarJuana

      I've been promoting boycotts for years. Libs keep shushing me with the argument that it hurt workers. True, but the only way to get change is to target the wallets of Wall Street, and temporary hurt of the workers will be necessary. My guess is that bringing down two or three big fish will get the other fish in the school to turn.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        If only we could replicate the Montgomery bus boycott – in how it crippled the economy of the South. . .except with today's municipal fiscal fitness and painful budget cuts, public transportation is the first sacrificial lamb.

        Do these mass account closings really hurt BoA? What more can we do to send a message?

        1. MistaEko

          Withdraw all your money but two cents, close the account, then request they mail you your remaining balance to your home address forcing them to pay an additional 40 cents for the stamp, paper, ink, and envelope.

          /Killtacular
          //because fuck them that's why

          1. Jukesgrrl

            This actually happened to me unintentionally when I closed my accounts at Wells Fargo right after the bailout. I completed paperwork at my branch and asked for my checking account balance in cash (yeah, it was that low a number). Five days later I get a hand-addressed envelope in the mail, return address "Wells Fargo." It contained FOUR PENNIES and a note from the clerk saying they miscalculated my balance and here was the rest of it. So yes, the did have to pay for "stamp, paper, ink, and envelope."

          2. PalinzADummy

            I hate to be the one to tell you this, but those skeevy bastards will simply charge you for keeping your two pennies in that account, and then sue you because you owe them ELEBENTY BAZILLION in fees, and if you're living in some state that has debtor's prisons, you're SOL.

            Better to get together with a bunch of your friends/neighbours/acquaintances/colleagues who share your viewpoint and occupy their lobby, demanding to see a manager, and give them an earful.

          3. emmelemm

            Damn. I'm getting to my Wonkette late today, for various "real work" related reasons, and this is the first thread/tree of comments I see.

            That is some super ninja corporate takedown shit, right there. Kudoes, man, kudoes.

      2. Callyson

        And God knows that coddling the banks has not done much to help the workers, much less Main Street.

    2. LesPaultard

      Banks are maybe the only businesses that lose money every time a customer walks in the door.

      So maybe no boycott…instead go there early and often for every little transfer or payment.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      It is my understanding that BofA used a considerable portion of the original TARP payment(s) to increase its stake in a Chinese bank.

      1. GOPCrusher

        AIG used it's bailout funds to pay off foreign banks that it had insured.
        Makes me proud to be an American taxpayer. The fuckers.

        1. comrad_darkness

          Yeah, like fucking Phil "fuck the U.S. middle class" Gramm's employer, Swiss "protect the rich from taxes" UB fucking S.

    1. KathrynSane

      I'm actually still getting fees on a BofA account I closed two months ago. So they won't charge you to close it, they'll just keep fining you but not tell you until you've racked up $35 in bullshit fees on an account that no longer exists.

      1. Ken Layne

        And then it shows up as a delinquent/charge off years later on your credit score when you're trying to buy a car or something.

        /So I've heard, anyway ….

        1. johnnyzhivago

          You can get Bank of America to do ANYTHING if you just go in and close your account(s). Threatening isn't good enough, you have actually go in and say "I'd like to close my accounts".

          They immediately bend over.

      2. PalinzADummy

        Exactly. Then they add late fees and charges on top of existing late fees and charges, and before you know it, you owe them a grand or two for CLOSING your fucking account.

    2. i_AM_ready

      No joke. I wanted to move my IRA someplace where I could get more than 0.3% interest, and they said it would cost me $75 to send the money anywhere else electronically. I said, "But I do dozens of electronic transactions with you every month and there's no charge." They said, "It's just our policy." I thought if I complained for a minute or 2, they would say "OK we'll waive it." But they would not relent. Finally they said they could cut me a check for free, so I said OK, but it was a pain because then I had to FedEx the check to my new bank.

      It just seemed like a dick move on their part, because they could have done the electronic transfer in a second, but instead they spent a half-hour of 2 employees' time hassling with me and cutting the check. It seemed calculated to wear customers down until they say, "OK, just charge me the $75."

      1. Guppy06

        Look on the bright side: it probably cost them $75 in man-hours, etc. to refuse to waive the $75 fee.

        1. elviouslyqueer

          And don't forget, somebody's got to pay those long-distance charges to the BoA call center in Bangalore.

      2. Jukesgrrl

        Thanks for telling that story. My mother's moving her accounts from BoA to a credit union on Wednesday and this info is helpful.

      3. Biel_ze_Bubba

        What's real genius is how they'll spend 44 cents every month to mail you a statement telling you about the 4 cents in interest you earned on your account.

    3. demandequality

      BoA ripped me off last year with a bunch of bullshit fees & were nasty as hell when I closed the account & would not refund the fees since I was leaving. Fuck 'em all.

    1. fartknocker

      Stick with the pool cue. Just break the stick in their ass while twisting it. And prelube is not allowed.

      My credit union would be pleased.

        1. prommie

          Can you just imagine the crazy-hairy giant bush on that one? Probably all grizzled and gray, too, you can tell by how thick the hair on her head is, and how low the hairline is on her forehead.

          1. Rotundo_

            The kind where they use sheep shears to clear a path for the gyno exam? One of those big half horsepower Wahl Angora Sheep and Cameloid specials.

      1. OneDollarJuana

        Fer instance, CU's are non-profit. This one feature makes them morally superior to for-profit banks.

          1. OneDollarJuana

            At least reinstate Glass-Steagall and keep your banker from playing craps with your money.

      2. HuddledMass

        Totes. My credit union repays me the fee I get charged when/if I use another bank's ATM. How cool is that?

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Even semi-evil US Bank gave me a free-everything account when I did my re-fi with them. So, if you shop around, you can find something reasonable.

    2. jetjaguar

      Agreed, as a state employee I've been using a credit union for a few years now. Becuase of them my mortgage is much lower and there are never any bullshit fees. They even walk me through my taxes each year. Because even though I'm a god damn scientist running an entire laboratory, even using TurboTax reduces my brain to mush.

      I <3's them, I <3's them real hard.

      1. PalinzADummy

        Don't feel bad. Half my friends are math geeks with advanced degrees (I mean, WTF wants a PhD in math?), yet ask them to calculate the tip on any restaurant bill, and it's all, "Well, I could give you a means of deducing whether it's going to be an odd or an even number," and "WTF is my calculator?"

      1. PalinzADummy

        How are they about international money transfer stuff? Like, if you're traveling in some strange country and need cash, is it easy to get? Or can you get them to transfer funds from your account to a temp account in a different location?

        Because that's the only reason I bank with the big bastards any more, and it's increasingly becoming unbearable.

  1. V572-½‡‡‡‡‡

    Years ago I used BOA for bidness stuff, and foolishly used their debit card in a VA ABC store. The clerk copied my number and ordered his girlfriend a $4000 pair of diamond earrings on line. BOA, after rejecting the charge a couple of times, paid it. I screamed, they made it "right," and were curious why I thought there was a problem.

    Evil fuckers. Too big to fail? It's tempting to find out.

    Also, since they bought Merrill Lynch, those bloodsuckers call me every few weeks wanting me to invest with the world's largest brokerage firm that went broke. A person must be desperate to take a job making cold calls like that.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      On the other hand, I had some check fraud on my account, to the tune of $13,000. BofA acted as promptly and reasonably as one could expect. I have no complaints about how they treated me. However, they clearly have mistreated millions of others, and my plan of action is now clear.

      1. Arken

        Yep, they treated me very well in the past too, but this is a case of a corporation losing not money but additional profit and we need to teach corporate America that making a profit is what is important, not how much. My wife is in charge of our finances, but I am doing my best to pressure her into closing our accounts.

      2. V572-½‡‡‡‡‡

        Obviously it depends on whom you're dealing with at any moment, and like any big institution BOA has some good people. They also have insurance against this sort of thing, which is why when small depositors have small losses, they just fix it right away, and good for them. Now, when they buy lots and lots of bad mortgages gift-wrapped in an S&P "AAA" rating, and insure that with credit default swaps, things get, uh…complicated.

    2. Rotundo_

      Buffets investment patterns and advice notwithstanding, I wouldn't park a penny in their institution or a nickel investing in them. Unlike credit unions, these fuckers are playing casino night every day and night with other peoples money. Run, do not walk to the nearest *local* bank or credit union and let these evil fucks burn. Individual accounts don't worry them much, but if enough of them walk it might prick up an eyebrow at least, which is better than nothing.

    3. comrad_darkness

      I have to confess, this is why I don't get why people use debit cards if they have a credit card in their wallet. Credit card: no transaction fee, zero risk if number is misused vs. debit card: per transaction fee and any lonely eastern european money launderer or nigerian check scammer can empty your account remotely just with the number and then you get to prove it wasn't you who did it to get the money back. No thanks.

      1. V572-½‡‡‡‡‡

        Yet another reason it sucks to be a Poor – how can they use those points for airline miles if they don’t have a credit card?

  2. ManchuCandidate

    What about the little people who work for BofA? Don't you US Americans give a shit about them? You know the two overworked tellers, the sadistic loan officer and the desperate looking bank manager who wants to get out of Bumfuck and back to corprat HQ?

    I mean, it's not like the execubots and lackeys who made BofA the big Uncle Sugar tit moochers and vultures they've been for quite some time actually do.

      1. HuddledMass

        Gosh, my ex-sister-in-law works for BoA. I hope she's one of those 40K getting laid off, the heinous bitch.

        Sorry, getting personal there….

    1. BarryOPotter

      "We tried Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and it worked the first time, but now it's just a blue screen with some crazy writing on it. We should have used a Mac…"

        1. BarryOPotter

          Well, Biel – can I call you Biel? Well, if you can't seem to locate Steve, that would suggest…

          1. Biel_ze_Bubba

            Hmmm … now that you mention it … nothing in the guest register.
            The guy never seemed like our type anyhow.

          2. PalinzADummy

            Some guy named Pete left a message on my VM saying he and Steve were "partying down," whatever that means. Just thought you'd like to know.

          3. snarkycomments

            You don't happen to have Windows XP on old Dells with 15" monitors and Internet Explorer 6 do you?

            If so, I just realized where I work…

        2. PalinzADummy

          Believe you me, I upgraded to a brand-spanking-new laptop with Win 7, and those miserable bastards assured me, no more BSoD. Right. Buncha fucking LIARS, the machine gets slower each week and just hangs and freezes without the famous iconic BSoD, so you can sit there and stare at it for half an hour or just fucking give up and cold-boot the goddamned thing, assuming you don't give in to your baser impulses and boot it out the nearest Window.

          I'm saving up for a Mac. Better for video-editing anyway.

          1. comrad_darkness

            Huh, I am forced to use Win 7 under virtualbox on occasion, I think it's only crashed once and it actually seems vaguely usable. But, on the other hand, getting and keeping windows running on a mac is buttloads easier than getting it running on some random crap hardware from some grey market back alley in taiwan. So maybe that's the issue.

    1. V572-½‡‡‡‡‡

      Cyber terrorism! Cyber warfare! Call DoD!

      Honestly, when you hear people like Richard Clarke say, "It's really scary, but I can't tell anything specific because it's ULTA-SUPER-SECRET Q CRYPTO classified," it's hard not to be a bit suspicious.

  3. Pragmatist2

    What an opportunity! They will soon start charging folks $100 to close their accounts. They will call the program "Win/Win!"

  4. Lucidamente1

    "I tell ya, boss, it's genius. Everybody loves America, right? So everybody will love paying sixty bucks a year to a bank with America in its name. I tell ya, it's a sure thing."

    "Biggley, you're right. Let's run with it!"

  5. KathrynSane

    Yeah, I'm closing my BofA accounts and moving to a credit union ASAP. Fuck 'em. The convenience isn't worth constantly being punched in the vag by our be-monocled overlords.

      1. Geminisunmars

        I've belonged to a CU since the days I used to have a "real" job (early 80s) and they are great, but not conveniently located. The last couple years, though, they have aflilated with other CUs and I can now do my banking through a nearby CU that isn't the one I belong to. Very nice.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Actually, I confess to a secret anticipatory glee at the teabaggers currently jerking congress around. That BofA will take a swan dive during this term and there will be no bailout. Oh, the places we will go. The things we will see.

  6. SorosBot

    So the banks actually can go too far into laying on their extra fees to drain the money out of our checking accounts, who knew.

    1. chicken_thief

      I'm sure Cain's 999 Plan and Chilean Model addresses situations like this. Just ask him.

  7. Ruhe

    BofA customers, change your account password to Tania because BofA clearly intends to fuck you so that you stay fucked…publicly if possible but privately if necessary.

    1. Guppy06

      In this case, Bill owns four houses and Fred owns six.

      Not counting foreclosed properties, of course.

    2. Sparky_McGruff

      "I don't have your money here. It's in the CEO's Swiss account, it's in the trader's fictitious corporation in Barbados"

      –Real B of A executive

  8. DaRooster

    "Too big to fail."

    When you just fuck people over for a living/killing… eventually we will "get it"… and you won't.

  9. DaSandman

    Let's us just force feed BOA our giganormous collective progressive cock until the rat bastards choke.

    We can practice on Marcus first…

      1. PalinzADummy

        Goddammit, I've GOT to start showing up at Teh Wonketz on time, or EVERUHbody just cold-steals my best lines.

    1. Golfing_OJ

      I know, huh? Keifer really does seem to be an integral part of the fucking problem, doesn't he?

  10. prommie

    God I hope everyone is "cynical" (that means "intelligent and realistic" to me) to know that BOA deliberately slowed down its website to make it more difficult to log on and close you account, knowing that this would deter some significant percentage of the people, who were acting on impulse and would forget in a few days.

  11. prommie

    Banks make a science out of predicting the percentage of "defaults" people will commit, and then structuring things so they can count on an income from the predictable 10% or 15% of people who will forget something or be late with something, and who they can then charge some arbitrary fee.

    A case in point: when NJ adopted EZ-Pass, it hired Chase Manhattan to process payments, to collect payments from people with an EZ-pass transponder. The payments were made by credit card. But here is the odd thing, rather then debit-billing monthly for tolls incurred, they made you pay up-front, a deposit, of what you thought you would spend, and then they would deduct each toll from that fund on account. And what happened if you depleted your fund on account and went through a toll? A $35 fine! The entire system was designed by Chase so they could collect these fines from the predictable percentage of people who would "overdraw" their "account."

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      And of course the banksters love collecting the interest on the millions of dollars "borrowed" from people's credit card accounts. If you haven't paid your balance in full, you're paying interest on the money E-Zpass grabs from your account in advance of your actually needing to spend it.

      1. PalinzADummy

        You're preparing lots and lots of "special" rooms in your palace for them, aren't you, Biely?

  12. KenLayIsAlive

    Look, if they don't get that extra five dollars from you a month, then who isw going to pay the hookers to give the executives rim jobs? Huh? You want them to go without rimjobs, don't you. You monster.

    But seriously, if you live in LA, NY, or Las Vegas, bank with Amalgamated. Very few fees, and those that exist are eery low. And it is owned by a union. Honestly for my first three bounced checks, they never charged me a service fee. I couldn't believe it. Plus, they have this all point service, which makes thousands of ATMS free – but if not, they only charge you 75 cents, not the other banks that charge 2 or three.

    Its a little mom and pop feeling, but I've been there for 5 years and never been happier. Do eeet.

    https://www.amalgamatedbank.com/home/home

    1. V572-½‡‡‡‡‡

      Or USAA Bank. Sounds all governo-militaristic, but they are wonderful. The main thing is to get over the idea that (1) you need a marble lobby in a stone building to be a bank, and (2) that your bank has to be in your state or city.

      Or a credit union.

    2. Callyson

      Thanks for the tip! I'm in LA and want to get out of Wells Fargo, which is just about as bad as Skank of America.

    3. PalinzADummy

      Thanks. Damn, coming here is like tapping into some great fucking Netwide Encyclopaedia of All I Want To Know.

    1. gizdal

      the invisible hand just stepped outside and is molesting a teenage girl.
      you can guess what the visible finger is doing…

      1. PalinzADummy

        Geezus, it's been up our collective orifices enough that we KNOW what the fuck it's doing.

  13. MozakiBlocks

    I closed my BofA Visa and thanks to Barry, I can tell them to 'eff off. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta!

  14. SorosBot

    Ah, bank runs; every day it gets to look just a little bit more like the golden days of the Hoover years.

  15. DaRooster

    Meanwhile-
    Chase told me a year or so ago,"If you don't use your debit card X number of times per month… you will get charged."

    So… I bank at the Credit Union.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Credit unions are the way to go, for many reasons. If everyone used their local C.U., much of the money pouring into the banksters' pockets could, instead, be going back to customers, as interest on their accounts or better deals on their loans.

      JUST DO IT, PEOPLE!!

    2. Jukesgrrl

      And if you agree to make the appropriate number of charges in a month, you will find their month is not a "month," but actually 30 days that begin in one month and end in another. So you can never tell if you're fulfilling their requirement. If you don't — BINGO, the fee is taken out of your account.

    3. PalinzADummy

      I can't remember which one of these venereal, I mean, venal bastards I bank with. Probly Chase. I've told them a bazillion times I DO NOT WANT their fucking debit card, but they send it to me regularly anyway. I cut it up. I think from now on, after I cut it up, I will take a trip to the local branch and leave the pieces on the manager's desk. At least until I switch banks.

  16. prommie

    And why do you suppose it is that when you open an acount, or get a credit card, you get an "initial" privacy notice, which you have to use to "opt out" of letting them sell your information, and then every year you get an "annual" privacy notice? You might think the annual notice is superfluous, because you already "opted out." You might throw it away. Sucker, thats the plan; the regulations were set up that way, at the behest of the banks, who know and expect that 90% of their customers will ignore the subsequent privacy notices, and that the initial "opt-outs" will all therefore lapse.

    1. V572-½‡‡‡‡‡

      And you can be sure they carefully scrub against the opt-out list before transmitting gigabytes of transaction data to the highest bidder or anybody with a subpoena from a secret court. If it isn't already happening, when you buy a pair of Twinkies with a debit card, that info will soon go to your health insurer so they can adjust your rate accordingly. And as for Hendricks gin…immediate termination.

      1. prommie

        If you have a "courtesy card" at the grocery store or the liquor store, that information is already being sold. The Privacy Rule applies only to "financial institutions" and financial transactions. Credit or debit transactions are not financial transactions from the standpoint of the store; the stores are free to sell all that information.

        This is my speciality.

          1. prommie

            Oh hey, when you bring your car for warranty service, the event data recorder in the car's computer sends all its data back to the manufacturer, data about how you drive.

            Sears just paid a huge fine to the FTC because everyone who ever bought anything at the Sears website got a cookie, and that cookie from that point monitored all of your other online purchases, and sent the data back to Sears, everything you bought.

          2. Ken Layne

            Another reason to donate your car to your favorite non-profit (thousands of dollars in tax deductions!) and use Zipcars http://zipcar.com for non-public-transit or rent from Enterprise (only non-asshole car rental company) for a week when you need a roadtrip.

          3. SorosBot

            Not having a car is great; I walk or take public transportation, and on the rare occasion I need a car for something borrow my parents'.

          4. prommie

            My parents are always telling me to stop wiping the cheetos dust off my hands onto the couch, down here in their basement.

          1. revmod

            But for the love of God, don't download it as an eBook, or you'll get all sorts of "special" attention.

          2. PalinzADummy

            Great. Not only do I get to add to my "I'll never get done reading these fucking books by the time I'm in my grave" list, but it'll add to my paranoia and general malaise with society too!

            Thanks, V! (feels around for gun)

          3. V572-½‡‡‡‡‡

            Here, I’ll save you some time:  right after 9/11, a patriotic commercial database manager was pretty sure he could figure out who the hijackers were, since their names were known, from data he already had. And he did (addresses, credit cards, recent purchases, photos, etc.), in about an hour and a half. He provided it to the gummint free of charge. Now, it’s “illegal” for the gummint to maintain encyclopedic databases of information about US citizens. But it’s not illegal for them to buy that information. So they do, at every level, from your local PD all the way up to the feds. Cops call it plate-dating:  they see a cute chick in her car, get a dossier by running her plate, and are ready to stalk.

          4. PalinzADummy

            Holy quacking duckshit.

            Good thing I'm only extremely depressed, as opposed to TERMINALLY depressed. Where DID I put that fucking gun?

          5. PalinzADummy

            That's what I needed, pdog! A LARF!

            No, I didn't. I know where it's been (I think) and I ain't puttin' my hands in there.

        1. PalinzADummy

          This is why I avoid those fucking things like the plague and pay cash for most of what I purchase. But, yeah, they definitely have sold as much of my data as they could, since you can't buy airline tickets and hotel reservations abroad with cash. Fuckers.

        1. V572-½‡‡‡‡‡

          Yeah, but they can raise your rates. When I got stents in my heart, they raised the rates for everybody in my (small) company 25%. And this was in the People's Republic (of CA)!

          1. PalinzADummy

            Geez. I'm so sorry, V. I assume you're only still working because you LERVE your job? At least, I sure as fuck hope so. Stay healthy. (That's a wish, not a command.)

          2. V572-½‡‡‡‡‡

            Thanks. I do LERVE it. But the stents are a surprisingly small deal, punishment for inheriting the high-cholesterol gene and enjoying life. Now I take a fistful of expensive pills every morning and evening and swim a mile at lunch every day.

          3. PalinzADummy

            Well, at least you're fighting it. Here's some good thoughts to help keep those cholesterol levels low. NEVER give up, dood. You're one of the good ones, you have a duty to stay healthy, happy, and with us for as long as you can.

  17. JustPixelz

    My wife worked for BoA. Too big too fail! (The bank, not her, god help me.) Anyway, she worked there until two weeks ago when they laid her off. She had the health insurance and we both have chronic conditions. According to Herman Cain this is all her fault. And, according to the TP'ers at the GOP debate last month, if she gets sick, she should just die on a bench outside the hospital (while I scream my lungs out at them).

    Fortunately, despite our pre-existing conditions, we can get coverage from my employer under Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996. A bill which would never pass today because it regulates (and helps people).

    Also, get your money back from BoA, the bastards.

    1. fuflans

      i'm so sorry pixelz.

      it seems there are so many stories like this (including me – can't wait to try and find health ins when my cobra runs out / scotus kills the health care bill).

      what a sad country we've become.

      1. spends2much

        I'm sorry to hear of the health insurance issues you're both having. It sounds truly terrifying, and renews my happiness in my luck at being born Canadian. That's at least one thing we don't have to worry about, despite the BS tales you sometimes hear about our healthcare system.
        Single payer all the way!

        1. fuflans

          actually i'm half canadian. recently got a passport under your new citizenship rules. BUT!! i live and work in the land of teatards and herman cain and fucking eric cantor.

          though we have seriously considered moving. especially as you and your banks were much much smarter than we were…

          1. spends2much

            Canada and the US need to do some sort of "prisoner-exchange"-like thing, where you give us a nice, smart Liberal- leaning person and we'll send you down a Canadian Tea Bagger (sadly, there are some here too).

    2. PalinzADummy

      Geezus. I'm so sorry, Pixelz.

      I pulled out everything I had at B of A a long time ago, but it would have given me great comfort to go down there and get all shouty while pulling out my money, videotaping the whole fucking thing, and sending it to you and the wife for larfs. Pigfuckers is what they are.

    3. ShaveTheWhales

      I hate to tell you this, but be mentally prepared for the fact that your HIPAA policy is probably going to cost more and be much shittier coverage than the employer-based plan. At least that was my experience when the COBRA ran out.

      On that topic, if she was just laid off, she should be eligible for 18 months of COBRA extension. That'll cost more, too, but the coverage will be the same as you had. Don't pass up the COBRA unless you're really sure you've evaluated things completely.

  18. Mumbletypeg

    "I'm being Swallowed by a BoA Constrictor" was always one of those songs, whe we sang it in nursery school, that actually horrified me. Now I've outgrown that phobia & actually like snakes but by all means let's flush these toxic predators down the sewers.

  19. widestanceshakedown

    How soon will the teatards clamor for a constitutional amendment making it illegal to close bank accounts from banks bearing the word 'America' in their name?

  20. freakishlywrong

    Looks like somebody is only going to get a $3 million bonus next year. Oh yeah, see ya, BoFuckersA!

  21. SorosBot

    But shouldn't we worry about the little people? If we hurt Bank of America, we don't just hurt their big executives, but those executives' favorite call girls and coke dealers as well.

      1. prommie

        Someday soon perhaps I will finally be able to afford my dream, to do lines of the best blow off the asscheeks of a smoking hot 5-diamond call girl!

  22. Wilcoxyz

    That's the invisible middle finger of the market.

    Really though, this market correction is a bit overdue.

    1. fartknocker

      Does your thoughts involve those two Satan-level evil Mexican hit men in Season 3? Who ever thought up those two is one hell of a writer.

      1. prommie

        I've been watching the whole series on Netflix for the last week, I only just got to those two hitmen. Don't spoil anything. But yeah, that show is awesome.

  23. flamingpdog

    Credit unions, peeplez, credit unions! Non-profit (SOCHULIZMZ!!1!), no stockholders to pay off. Been working for me for over 30 years now. And most credit unions have expanded their client base so greatly in recent years (my University of Colorado Credit Union changed its name to Elevations Credit Union after noticing that only 30 percent of its clients actually had some connection to the University of Colorado) that just about anyone can get in.

    Banks can go Cheney themselves.

  24. Antispandex

    You mean people won't stand for being charged more for less? What is happening to America? This is what happens when you don't spend enough time teaching children about the advantages of unrestricted capitolism!

  25. One_Man_Band

    Moved my meager funds to the local credit union after the 2008 bailouts. I guess it is marginally less evil. Instead of paying millions to bastard CEOs, apparently my money now buys gaudy jewelry for overweight female credit union employees. At least they buy it in my town, I hope…

  26. OneYieldRegular

    Last month, French newspaper Le Monde was all over BofA (& Wells Fargo and Citibank) and their scandalous failure to honor the terms under which they received bailout funds – not to mention the administration caving to their craven demands to opt out of their obligations. It was amazing to see the European coverage of what's clearly a huge scandal vs. the American press barely even bothering to pick up the story.

  27. GregComlish

    Fuck the banks, join a Credit Union. Same services less bullshit. And unlike your despicable banks, they aren't gamble away your deposit and then try to make up their losses by government handouts or raping their customers.

    1. 4TheTurnstiles

      No, Mr. Moynihan, you have a right to try to earn a profit.* The world doesn't owe you a goddamned cent, asshole.

      *yes, I know that it's not the suits who make the value, but still…

  28. WhatTheHeck

    Its a Bugs Life. Little bugs think they can overthrow the big bugs.
    Ha. What a joke. The big bugs have the government, the police and the military to help them.
    Still, little bugs could show some resistance and organization, and, just maybe…

  29. superdave

    I gave BofA the heave-ho a couple years ago. Just got tired of putting up with their bullshit. Credit Unions FTW!

  30. Guppy06

    So they'll charge $5 to let you use the account, but balk at having to spend 44¢ to mail out a statement?

  31. chicken_thief

    But it's just white people moving their money, so it doesn't count as any kind of statement against the stupid fee.

  32. owhatever

    I would like for the US gummint to now impose a $6 per customer fee on BofA for the use of our tax bailout money, over and above the interest due. Let's play that too big to fail game again and see how it comes out for the BofA this time around. Asshats.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Barry would probably be running a 99% approval rating, if they just would have nationalized the banks long enough to break them up into smaller pieces, sell the parts off, and introduced legislation that prevented them from buying each other up again.

  33. dancesw_cougars

    Don't ya love her madly
    Wanna be her daddy
    Don't ya love her face
    Don't ya love her as she's walkin' out the door

    The Doors

    I don't think she's coming back BofA. I think you beat her once too often.

    1. prommie

      When that song was new, and still in the top 40, I was having my first ever crush on a girl in the 3rd grade, and even now, I can see her in my memory, because you quoted those words, but even more clearly, I hear her voice.

  34. KeepFnThatChicken

    I have fallen under my bank's radar for 14 years. Every few years or so, they charge me three bucks for debit card usage. It isn't all the time. But I have never paid a monthly service charge, ever. And I am going to stay right the fuck there, until they get wise.

    Mind you, my bank also made a mint off my ass when I once forgot to account for two receipts, then went shopping a day earlier than the paycheck.

    We were hungry for two weeks. Never again.

  35. comrad_darkness

    Is it just me or does the subtext of Bank of America's actions always seem to be: "And what are you going to do about it, losers? Cry to congress? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

  36. KeepFnThatChicken

    So if Greece owes BofA a shitload of money, yet at the same time we kill BofA, will that help Greece and that whole shitty continent out?

  37. MiniMencken

    When I was a BofA customer a couple of years back, I deposited a check from the sale of a car. They sent the check back to the bank of the issuer because it was suspiciously "too large an amount" and then charged me overdraft fees for the checks written.

    1. PalinzADummy

      You should be grateful, nonetheless. One of Teh Culludz recently bought a house and got a cheque from the bank — I think it was BoA — and the bank called the cops on him when he tried to deposit it. He spent the weekend in jail, lost his job, and had his car towed.

      Soon, we'll be grateful when our Banking Overlords don't actually kill us for daring to crawl in the door and beg for a few pennies of our own money.

      1. emmelemm

        Actually, I believe that was Chase (where I bank). In my general (fairly general) vicinity, no less.

        I plan to mention it when I'm able to finally close that bitch out (after my credit union account is open and everything's cleared from the Chase account).

        1. PalinzADummy

          Perhaps you could videotape the ensuing hilarity and post it somewhere for us all to enjoy?

  38. jqheywood

    You betcha…we just switched to them for banking, after having used them for insurance, credit card, car loan, & home equity loan.

  39. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Bailouts are wonderful things: BofA gets your money, whether or not you have an account with them. How's that for getting the last laugh?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      They'll probably get more of our money when European countries start defaulting on their loans. Come to think of it, that might be Greece's plan. "The Americans should cover our losses. We're the birthplace of democracy."

  40. misanthrope

    You should see the view from the inside, it's like working for the Bluth Company. Solid as a rock!

  41. glamourdammerung

    I just feel the need to mention that if credit unions (or at least my local ones) would be willing to do business accounts, some of us would not have to deal with banks we dislike. There is nothing quite like going into multiple businesses, literally asking them to take my money, and getting turned away.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      I'm not sure (i.e., I don't have the facts to back this up), but I think that may be a regulatory prohibition, not a lack of willingness. When you join a credit union, you become a member/owner — I'm not sure how a business account would fit that model.

      1. glamourdammerung

        I know for a fact that some do. Just none anywhere I live do for some reason. It could be a state rule for all I know, but I figured that someone would have mentioned it to me when I tried to open accounts at some point if it was a legal issue.

    2. comrad_darkness

      Find a small local bank for your business account. They are still around. Make sure it's not on the unofficial problem bank list so you don't have to worry about them getting absorbed by some regional semi-behemoth right after you get your checks printed.

  42. emmelemm

    BOOM! Done. I opened a credit union account. Of course, I can't close my (Chase, not BofA, actually) account until all the checks have cleared and the dust is settled, but man, will it be satisfying when I do!

    1. V572-½‡‡‡‡‡

      You won't be sorry. My little local bank reimburses you for using non-affiliated ATMs; CUs probably do too. So you can use any one!

      1. emmelemm

        {happy dance}

        My only hesitation for these last months/years has been the following: I work for a very small company (for ten years), and I get paid with PAPER. CHECKS. Handwritten. There will never be direct deposit for me. And I have a pathological fear of mailing in deposits, or putting them in ATMs, from an incident 20 years ago!!??!!1!! where I put a check in an ATM and they claimed it "was not in the envelope", etc. So I "have to" go in and deposit my checks, in person, to a human. But guess what: these are the times that try (wo)men's souls, and I am prepared to SUCK IT UP and mail my quaint hw checks in. Fortunately, I don't (yet) live literally paycheck-to-paycheck, so a little lag before money shows up in my account will not kill me.

        1. ShaveTheWhales

          Look for one that has deposit by scanner. On the unfortunately rare occasions when I have a paper check to deposit, it takes about two minutes on the computer, and you can see the deposit appear in your account.

          Partial disclaimer: My experience on this is with USAA, which is not a credit union, but the scanner tech is demonstrably in existence, so I suspect some CUs must have it by now.

          1. emmelemm

            Thanks! Yeah, this credit union has that, but it said on their website yada yada good credit (yes) yada yada must have done a direct deposit also. ??!!?

            I shall call them tomorrow and inquire. I am, however, undeterred, in any event.

        2. V572-½‡‡‡‡‡

          We have 15 employees and have used a payroll service (Paychex) since we got our second employee. It’s been well worth it. We also send and receive large checks via the US Mail all the time, with very few incidents. Too bad it’s dying, because USPS does, and always has done, good work at low cost with high reliability, even if your local window clerk or letter carrier has a bad attitude.

  43. Jukesgrrl

    My mom's 85 and this is the first political action — other than voting — she's EVER taken.I think it's some kind of measure of how pissed off people are.

    1. PalinzADummy

      I sure fucking hope so, and I sure fucking hope they'll ALL turn out to vote, in their millions. Because these motherfuckers are making a last two-hairy-fisted grab for power, and they're determined to take the whole fucking country down with them if they have to. I sure hope we fucking stop them in time.

    2. neovictorienne

      kicking them square in the pocketbook is the only statement these big-finance bullies understand.

      your mom is awesome. i bet you anything she'll enjoy financial stuff a lot more at her new CU. they're so much more community-oriented. i know *i* sure have.

  44. Negropolis

    Boy, if they don't just keep helping legitimize the already legitimate Occupy Wall Street movement. Tone deaf much, BofA?

  45. DahBoner

    "Looks like the executives made really wise use of the $45 billion ($50 billion, actually) in federal bailout money (plus $118 billion in federal guarantees against future BofA losses) they took from us in 2008 and 2009. "

    Baby loves bacon.

    Bacon makes baby happy…

  46. neiltheblaze

    As it happens, I'm bank shopping. For years I banked with a small Cambridge bank that had maybe three locations – one of which was close to work.

    My situation is different now, and I need to close that account and go somewhere more local. Bank of Amerika was never in the cards – not for a split second. I'd eat my own entrails first. I'd stuff my meager resources into a god damned mattress before I'd give those blood sucking money zombies a plugged fucking nickel. I was considering some smaller banks, and vaguely tossing it around in my head.

    I was mentioning this to a friend of mine, who immediately piped up and mentioned the credit union he banks with – and heartily recommended them. "They say hi to you – and ask how things are going. They smile and remember you. They aren't assholes who think you're just a number." I said, "What? If I join, do you get a toaster or something?" He said, "No, seriously – they just don't treat you like a regular bank does." That's what I liked about my little Cambridge Bank too. They went right to the top of the list I've been thinking about.

    I hadn't quite made up my mind where to go, but this settles it. I know where I'm moving my scarce and dwindling resources to.

    Thanks BofA for the reminder of what scumsucking societally immoral fuckfaces banks can be. I didn't really need reminding – but I have to say the timing was impeccable.

  47. DeathofKoalas

    I read a book once, really. In this book, bunch of folks protested a bank for cutting support for a community housing project by getting loads of people in line to open an account with 5 bucks, then line up at the next teller to withdraw a couple of bucks, back in line to deposit another buck, rinse, repeat… No 'real' customers can get their shit done… OWS should clog up the whole fucking bank for days and see if BofA doesn't do something about those fees.

  48. lulzmonger

    BREAKING: Invisible Hand Becomes Very Visible, Chokes A Bitch

    This is a good start!

    I CAN HAZ MOAR DDo$ PLZ?

  49. LesPaultard

    Banks hate CU's, so–with their power and influence–they make sure the regs on CU's are strict. The offshoot is that this makes CU's more desirable in these times.

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