Florida GOP state Rep. Ritch Workman’s got a hawt new job creation proposal to, er, bring back “dwarf tossing,” a bizarre bar sport thing where intoxicated idiots pay money to fling little people around the room like shot puts, to amuse the drunks. Florida outlawed this in 1989 for obvious reasons, which means that this is now, two decades later, somehow (?) Workman’s cue to whine about the “Big Brother government” forcing dwarfs to miss out on all these sweet human projectile jobs with its heinous socialist safety regulations. Because what else are little people going to do, get a “regular” nonexistent job like everyone else? Oh ha, that’s a good one.
From the Palm Beach Post:
“I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it,” Workman said. “I think it’s repulsive and stupid. But it’s none of the state’s business if somebody wants to do this.”
Workman’s efforts to create employment opportunities for little people willing to be objectified as flying objects was not done after consultation with anyone eligible for this line of work.
“The people who were thrown were alcoholics with low self-esteem,” said Robert Van Etten, 62, of Stuart. “Many of them were injured. One committed suicide.”
Sure sure, but how about a little fairness, Rep. Workman? Nobody in Florida can find employment, so shouldn’t we let everybody who wants to be flung around by a roomful of screaming drunks go for the job? We smell an untapped market! [Palm Beach Post]
{ 235 comments }
It's about time dwarf tossing was legalized!
Let's burn one… oh wait… not yet?
Dwarf tossing. A great sport, or greatest sport?
Right up there with midget wrestling.
If our Fore Fathers did not wants us to toss dwarfs, they would have put it in the Constitution!
Now Obammer's coming for your dwarves. They can have my dwarf when they pry him from my cold, dead hands.
They can have my dwarf when they pull it from my hot slippery hands.
Is *that* what you're calling your thang these days, hon? ;-)
It seemed un-PC to refer to it as my Peter Dinklage.
"Now Obammer's coming for your dwarves. They can have my dwarf when they pry
himhis cold dead body from my cold, dead hands."Way too much cold and dead there, dood. Jus' sayin'.
They can have my dwarf when they pry my character sheet from my pasty, nerdy hands.
I coulda sworn I just saw you say that on TPM.
FlyingSquid totally plagiarized me, about two hours before I wrote the comment.
Uh-huh. Sure thing, hon. (eyes Comehere for evidence of tentacles or suckers)
I have a weakness for noodly appendages, but I am not, nor have I ever been, associated with Ms./Mr. Squid.
Seems to me that Florida is drug testing the wrong people.
You are correct. Any little person willing to be tossed around willy nilly should be drug tested. God bless America.
How about throwing Florida reps?
Howzabout a nice gator fuckin' contest?
Kaiju porn!
Did I mention NSFW?
They're already mental midgets, after all.
Oh, yeah, Rep-tossing!
Into the shark tank at Sea World?
A little fairness indeed!
Some how the more news that comes out of Florida the more cookie tossing I seem to do.
Florida, when nothing but bat shit crazy will do.
It's about time. Now, they have to get tot work legalizing legislator-tossing.
Out a window.
Of a very tall building.
I'm guessing this Workman is just another politician in the pocket of Big Little People.
But it totally IS the state's business if two dudes want to get married.
Or play poker for money. Or buy beer on a Sunday morning. Or build a mosque. Or do the wrong kinds of drugs.
Or have an abortion..
Or two gals. They're fussy that way.
Yo dummy, let's be careful to specify physical not intellectual dwarfs. Or don't. 'Cause I'd love to toss you and Scotty.
Dear Florida,
If I don't have a dwarf to toss, can I use a toddler? I mean, if he's down with it, and all. Big Guvmint shouldn't be telling children what to do either, right?
Sure, especially if it's your toddler… you get to decide what is best for them.
Toddler, sure. But NO FETUSES.
Too slippery. Hard to toss.
It's easy to understand why Tom Petty was so anxious to get the fuck out of FLA, all those years ago.
Maybe Free Fallin' was about a dwarf… post toss.
But he wasn't real warm to carpetbagging Yankee agents and bidness persons.
The dwarf pictured has a safety helmet on, so I think all OSHA regulations concerning this profession are being met. At least the guy didn't have to work in the Amazon warehouse.
We need to get rid of outdated dwarf OSHA regulations.
We need to string Jeff Bezos up unless Amazon starts paying their fucking taxes.
Also, too.
Whatever you do, don't Google "dwarfs" and "amazon."
Or maybe go right ahead, if you're into that kind of thing…
I have no idea what you're talking about. Ha-rumph! All I see is endless listings for Snow White and the Seven Dwarves on Amazon, and a bunch of pointy-head articles on astronomy.
Engnghng, we won't really know until we find out what the workmans' comp rate is. Roofers are 1.6.
Nobody tosses a dwarf!
if i call you a nerd i do it only out of love.
Hey, I call myself a nerd.
I think we all call SorosBot a nerd, dear. Totally with love, of course.
When they outlawed dwarf tossing, then dwarfs became outlaws only. That's what happens when you tamper with the Bill of Rights like that.
First they came for the dwarf throwers, but I said nothing…..
Let's just pretend that this law doesn't exist, and that Ritch Workman is a dwarf.
I like the way you think.
FINALLY! I was sick of going to those shady underground miget tossing places.
Breaking News: the Occupy Florida protests will now be sponsored by the Lollipop Guild.
This is good news for Glinda, obvs.
Wait — if dwarf tossing is illegal, explain the recent announcements by Tim Pawlenty, Chris Christie and Sarah Palin.
Next piece of proposed Republican legislation: legalizing donkey shows.
Think of the jobs!
Finally, productive work for Michelle Malkin.
Yah, like you could find a donkey willing to sink that low.
I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it,” Workman said. “I think it’s repulsive and stupid. But it’s none of the state’s business if somebody wants to do this.
You know, the same thing could be said about prostitution, and their is a lot more money in that. Why don't pimps and whores have better lobbyist? Where is James O'Keefe when he could be doing something actually useful?
I would say that on the proverbial slippery slope, once this nonsense is legal, there is not much slipping to legalized prostitution. What part of his justifications for the proposed legalization of tossing would not also justify prostitution? We all know there are large numbers of 'merrcans forced to travel to foreign countries to test the bi-curious waters and other illegal or immoral sexy times. I see lot's of over seas jobs coming to our shores and a reduction in greenhouse gas emissions as less traveling is required, since Florida would have more houses of sex workers than Starbucks.
I doubt we'll ever attract major prostitution clients from foreign shores. Not THAT many chubby-chasers in the whole fucking world, and two out of every three of us is carrying around some major lard.
In the immortal words of the Talking Heads: "Stop Making Sense".
They have another legislator, Rep. Workingwoman, pushing for a change in the law.
Could some body please explain to me how the cow kicked the cabbage!
What makes a road apple, a road apple?
And is this purely a distance event or are there style points?
The late Molly Ivins always told the story about "How the cow ate the cabbage." I think its in one of her books but was an often asked for part of her far to few public appearances.
Will they only be tossed around in mini bars?
I'm giving myself a timeout after this one.
Or in a Mini Cooper?
Will there be clowns in the car too? I hope so :)
Is 131p a boundary limit in Intense Debate, like 32 feet per second squared or −273.15 °C?
(Not that I spend too much time reading Wonkette and thinking about it or anything like that).
It's OK as long as the drinking establishment provides no-cost, proportionally-scaled lodgings for the entertainers.
They love those Stay-Free Mini Pads
Oh! Oh! Oh! How can the two of you stand to gang up on the rest of us like this?
And a good thing too, since nobody else has enough P-ness here to give you a timeout!
Please tell me you really work at it. Or I'll have to come over and attempt to distill your blood or brain into small essence containers, for sale to Wonketteerz searching for that extra fillip to their snark.
Ritch Workman, Republican mortgage broker in Florida. Me so proud.
http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/Sections/Representa…
I think it’s repulsive and stupid
Funny, that's what I say about Florida government….
Funny, that's what I say about Florida
I've seen that documentary on the hazards of this dwarf profession. I believe it was entitled The Day the Whistling Stopped.
Perhaps the dwarfs only get half pay.
Whistling while you work, these days, will get your written up, for sure.
In Florida they only have 5 brains that can be used by lawmakers. Probably not a good idea to talk to the press when its not your day to use the brain.
5 brains in Tallahassee? Aren't we being generous!
Leather Bondage Shatner!
Sure, it's legal to throw a midget around a bar, but I try to keep one as a pet and my landlord says I'm in violation of my lease.
Start chuckin' him around… say it's training.
You're not the cartoonist who's always doing those bizarre cartoons about the love-slave midget in the closet, are you?
So, what kind of dressing goes best on tossed dwarf?
After watching the Wizard of Oz over and over, I would say just stick with the house dressing.
Marry me.
I love you too much to marry you.
Well played.
Martini?
**golf clap**
A little vinaigrette…
You've hit on something. Is this, perchance, as close as Rep. Workman could get to public advocacy of his real objective — salad tossing?
Someone needs to tell Workman that you don't spell "dwarf" s-a-l-a-d.
A little Russian…
Depends on what you like when you're tossing their salad.
Barbecue
What kind of country is this where you can't drag people behind your pick truck? Big brother has gone too far.
As someone who, on a good day, is five feet four inches tall, I object .
I was just wondering to myself that if there aren't any dwarfs in the vicinity, can I just toss my bitch? I mean, dwarfs may be more aerodynamic or something, but they are hard to fine. On the other hand, the gf is right there.
Yeah, well, if you're hoping for any nookie ever, for the rest of your life, I'd look for the dwarf, no matter how difficult.
Oh shush you, thats nearly average.
As someone who constantly suffers the throes of unrequited love for both you and Barb, I objectify.
LL:
I'll bet all you have are good days.
You're still a bit taller than me! Happily, Yunnan is full of really, really, short people.
Come on, Lizzie, your basically average height for a woman. I know all of the magazines seem to think that every woman is 5'8", but they really aren't. lol
And here you've been describing yourself as short. My daughter is 4'10" and wasn't even on the growth charts as a kid. Only when she found a car with adjustable gas pedals was she able to lose the set of pillows to position herself in the driver's seat. She was great at hide 'n seek and could fit in a 5-gallon bucket up through middle school. I'm guessing the lack of nutrition before she was abandoned in Korea had something to do with it. How bad does it have to be before you have no enamel on your teeth?
"Creating Work-man!"
Republicans throwing around little people requires legislation? I thought it was just business as usual.
The Randy Newman Act of 2011.
… you gotta pick 'em up just to say hello.
They walk around telling great big lies
So glad we moved from Fort Lauderdale when I was three, or whatever.
(Details are sketchy, but I was a little person at the time…that I am sure of.)
~
Isn't FLA the same state where you can legally fuck a chicken?
Not any more! A rich history stretching back to Ponce de Leon is over. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/06/florida-…
What?!!!! There are some states where it is ILLEGAL to fuck chickens? ***oh, shit*** What about catfish?
I believe that's called "noodling". But you're actually supposed to use your arm.
I love that one listed synonym is "catfisting".
God created ADAM and EVE, not Gonzo and Camilla!!!!
There is so much win here. So much horrible, blue-furred win.
Keep tossin' that dwarf!
Trying to stamp out gatoraids, one southern state at a time…
For an encore, Workman proposed several initiatives to boost whorehouses and organ harvesting organizations, because it's none of the state's business if someone chooses to make money using their various orifices and/or organs.
Probably coming in a year or two. I'm surprised Ron Paul hasn't tried to legalize selling your kidney.
Well, this will at least make Disney World somewhat tolerable. I'm lookin' at you Sneezy.
Just when I think the state of Florida has reached bottom, someone (usually an elected official) comes up with something like this. I've lived here for 21 years, but it will never be "home."
Come away, my love, come away.
Parole board not playing ball, eh?
What's next?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qbc2J0zZr8
Yes, let's unleash the power of drunks to kick-start this economy, one tiny crushed skull at a time.
Being a resident of Florida, America's dingus™, I simply burst with fucking pride daily.
This is another Teatard mortgage broker who also voted to cut unemployment benefits to Floridians from 26 to 20 weeks to help promote business.
http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/Sections/Representa…
He was probably one of those sons of bitches handing out NINJA (No Income No Job No Assets) loans who promulgated the greatest financial collapse since the Great Depression. Now he wants to legalize tossing little people.
I'd rather take his sorry ass to the Bermuda Triangle and toss him in the Atlantic to watch him disappear.
I don't live in Florida but this form of hypocritcal shit stain just drives me to drink. So I drink a lot.
OT: That fucking anti-christ Westboro Church from Wichita will protest at Steven Jobs funeral according to Twitter. Assholes. The irony of it is that Margie Phelp wrote the Tweet on damn I-Phone. She's got the intelligence of a clothes hanger.
Jezus. We might well have seen the last of the Westboro assholes. They're about to piss off Steve Jobs' fanboy club. Which is fucking huge, and very tech-savvy.
Take 'em down, boyzngirlz!
Do mental dwarfs count? Would Sarah be tossed? If so, Florida has my blessing.
So, the headline will read: "Mental Midget Supports Jobs for Actual Midgets at World's Largest Old Folks Home."
I think I would make a bumpersticker of that, if I lived in that loser's district.
doubt if anybody but you would 'get it'.
Added bonus: the only people who will ever attempt to inflict their presence on me will be those smart enough to 'get it.' The rest will be too confoozled to bug me.
Twoo enuff!
Is dwarf tossee a good thing to put on a dwarf resume?
it's not as nearly as good as really good strength, agility and charisma stats. But it beats being an NPC.
It's just sad that Gary Coleman didn't live to see this day.
Hmmm, this is suspicious. This progress is too to be true. What kind of pork is attached to this bill?
Today we are all suicidal, drunken, out of work dwarves with low self esteem.
Shit, I've been one of those for fucking years.
Are there Dwarf Tossing themed restaurants? Can I get a dwarf tossed salad there?
And upon reading this, Peter Dinklage feels a renewed sense of gratitude over his recent spike in acting work.
And the ghost of David Rappaport feels that his suicide was justified.
While Verne Troyer resumes praying for Austin Powers IV.
Dwarf-tossing is just a euphemism for having your peter dinkled.
Have you ever been to Florida? There is literally nothing else to do there except throw dwarfs.
I'm reliably informed that if you're a FL state legislator, there is also plenty of hot'nsweaty action bribing black cops to let you suck their dicks in public terlets. 'Course, you get arrested and stuff, but hey.
Ah, memories of Cocktobers past.
What WAS that guy's name, anyway? I wanna say "Bob," but they might have just called him that because that's what he liked to DO.
Here we go; he was Bob Allen:
http://wonkette.com/285827/ohhhh-you-didnt-mentio…
Don't toss that dwarf hand me a sling shot.
What happened to the pliers? Did you lose them at the Hashfire Inn?
I'm so glad someone got that.
Thanks.
Are there no itty-bitty workhouses? Are there no wee prisons?
If only we could toss the entire state.
FL's chock-full of pervs, so please don't offer to toss the entire state. They'll all bend over, en masse.
Dwarfs are onto bigger and better things. Like being porn doubles… however, stay away from the Badger setts.
Wouldn't it create more jobs if the dwarfs toss the big dude?
I’d like to propose ball smacking of stupid elected officials as an alternative.
This – OW! – legislation – OW! – will – OW! – free our job creators – OW! OW! OW, MY BALLZ!
You're right, it would work.
To be fair, the guy also sponsored a bill that makes it no longer illegal for unmarried couples to openly associate and live together.
Male and female couples, I presume?
Dude's still a Florida Republican, prommie. Catching up to the 1960s is a start, though.
They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet
Tossing is too good for them
While I understand where Workman is coming from, if he's going to be ideologically consistent, he also needs to favor ending the drug war, legalizing gay marriage, and allowing prostitution (outside the statehouse).
Thanks for the clarification.
“I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it,” Workman said. “I think it’s repulsive and stupid. But it’s none of the state’s business if somebody wants to do this.”
How about strip clubs?
Naked dwarf tossing with bacon grease, and stripper cheerleaders.
Don't look at me that way! You put the image in my head.
We need something shorter that will fit on a sign.
This is working for me; regular old strip clubs do nothing for me, its an awkward situation, trying to drink a beer while some naked chick shakes her parts in your face. I mean, she's working, you are off, she's naked, you have clothes on, the situation is so unequal. But strip freak shows, that would be something, it would break the ice, you're not just looking at a naked lady, you are looking at a naked airborne greased dwarf, you have a non-sexual excuse for staring.
"I mean, she's working, you are off"
That's an easy enough problem to solve: be a Republican fundraiser and write it off as a business expense.
Are you kidding? Those are the backbone of Florida's economy. Besides, no way the GOP wants them outlawed before the '12 convention in Tampa.
A lot of towns around here won't let you serve alcohol alongside full nudity, though, which kind of defeats the purpose somewhat in one's pursuit of booze and boobs.
Local law can't keep you from carrying a gun into city hall, but it can stop you from looking at nipples while sloshed.
I would agree to a one-time exemption for Tom DeLay.
Today dwarf tossing, tomorrow making 'town drunk' an official, paying position.
Imagine the competition for that job? I wonder if being named "Otis" would give you an advantage?
If dwarf tossing was ok in the eyes of the founders, it's ok for me.
I would also ask – rhetorically, of course – do you know who else liked to toss dwarves?
The Wicked Witch?
Crocodile Dundee?
Thor?
Fat Bastard?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoY_Fahp_Qc
Legolas?
King John of England, I believe.
Gary Gygax?
J.R.R. Tolkien?
In Soviet Russia dwarf tosses you!
We need more jobs? Let's institute my favorite (imaginary) sport: Launching legislators into the reflecting pool using a gigantic sling shot. If we run out of legislators we could use bankers , then lobbyists, or maybe the other way around.
Strip clubs were outlawed in Missouri last year, causing the loss of thousands of jobs and many businesses to close. WHERE'S THE OUTRAGE???
One the saddest things I have ever seen was driving along I-70 between KC and St. Louis and seeing all those empty strip bars. Oh the humanity!
In all fairness, I would like to see a law allowing Kodiak grizzly bears to fling around Florida GOP State Rep. Ritch Workman. Come on, those bears need jobs too!
I have actually seen bear-wrestling in Ohio bars! It's for drunken frat boys, of course.
If this initiative fails to become law, Bear-baiting would seem to be the best alternative.
How about Bristol-baiting? Have union teachers pummel her with No Child Left Behind test questions.
I just tossed my cookies reading about this bullshit.
While they're at it they could legalize prostitution and weed….that would create some jobs!
Or at least make us care less. Win-win.
I almost, ALMOST live in his district. Ha!
Workman represents the TruckNutz ™ side of the county.
I live in the Hoveround side.
Every day is just better than the last.
"bring back “dwarf tossing,” a bizarre bar sport thing where intoxicated idiots pay money to fling little people around the room like shot puts, to amuse the drunks. Florida outlawed this in 1989 for obvious reasons"
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??? I read about this in a Carl Hiasson novel, but I thought it was Carl being, well, Carl. You mean this was really a thing? For real?
Oh yeah. It's as real as the early bird special at Friendly's.
Matter of fact, dwarf tossing is even mentioned in our state song "Old Folks At Home" ("Swanee River"). I think it's the verse after the one about the "Darkies".
FYI, Friendly's just declared bankruptcy. Sad. Now I want a Fribble.
I've always assumed that most of what I read in Hiaasen was as real as a heart attack! He does work for a Florida newspaper.
To be fair, so does Dave Barry, and I'm PRETTY sure that about 24% of what HE writes is made up…
To show our support for limited government, please give Rep. Workman a call at (850) 488-9720 and congratulate him on his loyalty to the constitution.
It's a little odd that the right-wing nuts don't extend the same logic to people who want to sell, or use, weed, or enage in prostitution…well you know, I mean openly…with quality hookers.
But will there be a special license plate to go along with it, like they have for manatees and fetuses?
Can we start a used-panty collection for this mofo?
Dwarf tossers don't kill dwarves; dwarves kill dwarves!
Hey now…that little fella in the picture is smiling and giving us the thumbs up. It can't be all that bad else he wouldn't be smiling and giving the thumbs up.
Also…Cuddles of the Oddballs with his "Official Missle"…creepy description or awesome band name?
If memory serves (and sometimes it just double-faults) the dwarf pictured in that newspaper article is Wee Robbie.
Please don't ask me how I remember that.
Tyrion Lannister!!!
Michael Vick had an entire dwarf-tossing arena built at his mansion! Roethlisberger's entourage would corner dwarves in the bathroom so he could toss them! Plaxico Buress tossed a dwarf and shot him in the air! These arrogant athletes make me so damn mad, they should be force-fed Red Bulls and beaten until they throw footballs into each other's faces to the death!!
Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers.
Just keep the dwarfs away from small Stonehenge monuments.
Legalize Side Show Geeks!
Don't toss that dwarf, hand me those pliers. Edit: damn, someone beat me to it.
They love all your
miniature ways
you know what they say
about small boys
He must have had to get rid of his goat.
Let me guess before even reading this: 'Cause freedom, right?
Hey, Florida asshole — I dare you to toss this fucking dwarf. Koko will cut a bitch.
It seems rather unsporting to pick on someone much smaller. I suggest a compromise, where five or six muscular individuals pick up Newt Gingrich and hurl him with great force.
Preferably into the Cuyahoga River.
While it's on fire.
Can't they throw repubs around, they always appear inebriated …
Nope, my p-ness hasn't moved in over a month, lol.
Yeah, what's up with that? My comments are as lame as they've ever been, but my p is unchanged. Someone said that the larger the p-ness (shush you in the back), the harder it is to increase. Whatevs.
It's equally true of mine, which is embarrassingly small – although I'm used to that.
You're up there where the Hulk starts turning gray-faced and falls off your jet!
Bout the same time they yanked the down thumb. By the way did I ever tell you what would happen when my grandfather asked me to yank his thumb?
Geezus, and he's ugly as fucking sin. And claims he offered to suck the cop's dick because he was scared. Hmm … imagine the sexaytime fun and games you could have with that. C'mere, honey, I'll pretend to be a cop and scare you.
A Pastafarian, eh?
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