your 'job creators' at work

Florida GOP Rep. Wants Law Allowing Drunks To Throw Around Dwarfs

Why isn't this an Olympic sport already?Florida GOP state Rep. Ritch Workman’s got a hawt new job creation proposal to, er, bring back “dwarf tossing,” a bizarre bar sport thing where intoxicated idiots pay money to fling little people around the room like shot puts, to amuse the drunks. Florida outlawed this in 1989 for obvious reasons, which means that this is now, two decades later, somehow (?) Workman’s cue to whine about the “Big Brother government” forcing dwarfs to miss out on all these sweet human projectile jobs with its heinous socialist safety regulations. Because what else are little people going to do, get a “regular” nonexistent job like everyone else? Oh ha, that’s a good one. 

From the Palm Beach Post:

“I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it,” Workman said. “I think it’s repulsive and stupid. But it’s none of the state’s business if somebody wants to do this.”

Workman’s efforts to create employment opportunities for little people willing to be objectified as flying objects was not done after consultation with anyone eligible for this line of work.

“The people who were thrown were alcoholics with low self-esteem,” said Robert Van Etten, 62, of Stuart. “Many of them were injured. One committed suicide.”

Sure sure, but how about a little fairness, Rep. Workman? Nobody in Florida can find employment, so shouldn’t we let everybody who wants to be flung around by a roomful of screaming drunks go for the job? We smell an untapped market! [Palm Beach Post]

Comments

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  • privatejoker77

    It's about time dwarf tossing was legalized!

    • DaRooster

      Let's burn one… oh wait… not yet?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Dwarf tossing. A great sport, or greatest sport?

      • OneDollarJuana

        Right up there with midget wrestling.

    • GOPCrusher

      If our Fore Fathers did not wants us to toss dwarfs, they would have put it in the Constitution!

  • Come here a minute

    Now Obammer's coming for your dwarves. They can have my dwarf when they pry him from my cold, dead hands.

    • widestanceshakedown

      They can have my dwarf when they pull it from my hot slippery hands.

      • PalinzADummy

        Is *that* what you're calling your thang these days, hon? ;-)

        • widestanceshakedown

          It seemed un-PC to refer to it as my Peter Dinklage.

    • DaRooster

      "Now Obammer's coming for your dwarves. They can have my dwarf when they pry him his cold dead body from my cold, dead hands."

      • PalinzADummy

        Way too much cold and dead there, dood. Jus' sayin'.

    • SorosBot

      They can have my dwarf when they pry my character sheet from my pasty, nerdy hands.

    • PalinzADummy

      I coulda sworn I just saw you say that on TPM.

      • Come here a minute

        FlyingSquid totally plagiarized me, about two hours before I wrote the comment.

        • PalinzADummy

          Uh-huh. Sure thing, hon. (eyes Comehere for evidence of tentacles or suckers)

          • Come here a minute

            I have a weakness for noodly appendages, but I am not, nor have I ever been, associated with Ms./Mr. Squid.

          • PalinzADummy

            A Pastafarian, eh?

  • Barb

    Seems to me that Florida is drug testing the wrong people.

    • Walkinwiddaking

      You are correct. Any little person willing to be tossed around willy nilly should be drug tested. God bless America.

  • McGreek

    How about throwing Florida reps?

    • crybabyboehner

      Howzabout a nice gator fuckin' contest?

    • Doktor Zoom

      They're already mental midgets, after all.

    • PalinzADummy

      Oh, yeah, Rep-tossing!

    • MozakiBlocks

      Into the shark tank at Sea World?

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    A little fairness indeed!

  • Beowoof

    Some how the more news that comes out of Florida the more cookie tossing I seem to do.

    • misanthrope

      Florida, when nothing but bat shit crazy will do.

  • FNMA

    It's about time. Now, they have to get tot work legalizing legislator-tossing.
    Out a window.
    Of a very tall building.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    I'm guessing this Workman is just another politician in the pocket of Big Little People.

  • edgydrifter

    But it totally IS the state's business if two dudes want to get married.

    • iburl

      Or play poker for money. Or buy beer on a Sunday morning. Or build a mosque. Or do the wrong kinds of drugs.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Or have an abortion..

    • PalinzADummy

      Or two gals. They're fussy that way.

  • smashaduck

    Yo dummy, let's be careful to specify physical not intellectual dwarfs. Or don't. 'Cause I'd love to toss you and Scotty.

  • spends2much

    Dear Florida,
    If I don't have a dwarf to toss, can I use a toddler? I mean, if he's down with it, and all. Big Guvmint shouldn't be telling children what to do either, right?

    • DaRooster

      Sure, especially if it's your toddler… you get to decide what is best for them.

    • McGreek

      Toddler, sure. But NO FETUSES.

      • PalinzADummy

        Too slippery. Hard to toss.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's easy to understand why Tom Petty was so anxious to get the fuck out of FLA, all those years ago.

    • Beetagger

      Maybe Free Fallin' was about a dwarf… post toss.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      But he wasn't real warm to carpetbagging Yankee agents and bidness persons.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    The dwarf pictured has a safety helmet on, so I think all OSHA regulations concerning this profession are being met. At least the guy didn't have to work in the Amazon warehouse.

    • baconzgood

      We need to get rid of outdated dwarf OSHA regulations.

      • PalinzADummy

        We need to string Jeff Bezos up unless Amazon starts paying their fucking taxes.

        Also, too.

    • FNMA

      Whatever you do, don't Google "dwarfs" and "amazon."
      Or maybe go right ahead, if you're into that kind of thing…

      • PalinzADummy

        I have no idea what you're talking about. Ha-rumph! All I see is endless listings for Snow White and the Seven Dwarves on Amazon, and a bunch of pointy-head articles on astronomy.

    • V572-½‡‡‡‡‡

      Engnghng, we won't really know until we find out what the workmans' comp rate is. Roofers are 1.6.

  • SorosBot

    Nobody tosses a dwarf!

    • fuflans

      if i call you a nerd i do it only out of love.

      • SorosBot

        Hey, I call myself a nerd.

      • PalinzADummy

        I think we all call SorosBot a nerd, dear. Totally with love, of course.

  • Fawkdifiknow

    When they outlawed dwarf tossing, then dwarfs became outlaws only. That's what happens when you tamper with the Bill of Rights like that.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    First they came for the dwarf throwers, but I said nothing…..

  • veritass

    Let's just pretend that this law doesn't exist, and that Ritch Workman is a dwarf.

    • PalinzADummy

      I like the way you think.

  • baconzgood

    FINALLY! I was sick of going to those shady underground miget tossing places.

  • CapnFatback

    Breaking News: the Occupy Florida protests will now be sponsored by the Lollipop Guild.

    • elviouslyqueer

      This is good news for Glinda, obvs.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wait — if dwarf tossing is illegal, explain the recent announcements by Tim Pawlenty, Chris Christie and Sarah Palin.

  • Sophist[Kochblocker]

    Next piece of proposed Republican legislation: legalizing donkey shows.

    Think of the jobs!

    • prommie

      Finally, productive work for Michelle Malkin.

      • PalinzADummy

        Yah, like you could find a donkey willing to sink that low.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it,” Workman said. “I think it’s repulsive and stupid. But it’s none of the state’s business if somebody wants to do this.

    You know, the same thing could be said about prostitution, and their is a lot more money in that. Why don't pimps and whores have better lobbyist? Where is James O'Keefe when he could be doing something actually useful?

    • Pithaughn

      I would say that on the proverbial slippery slope, once this nonsense is legal, there is not much slipping to legalized prostitution. What part of his justifications for the proposed legalization of tossing would not also justify prostitution? We all know there are large numbers of 'merrcans forced to travel to foreign countries to test the bi-curious waters and other illegal or immoral sexy times. I see lot's of over seas jobs coming to our shores and a reduction in greenhouse gas emissions as less traveling is required, since Florida would have more houses of sex workers than Starbucks.

      • PalinzADummy

        I doubt we'll ever attract major prostitution clients from foreign shores. Not THAT many chubby-chasers in the whole fucking world, and two out of every three of us is carrying around some major lard.

    • freakishlywrong

      In the immortal words of the Talking Heads: "Stop Making Sense".

    • paris biltong

      They have another legislator, Rep. Workingwoman, pushing for a change in the law.

  • lefty74

    Could some body please explain to me how the cow kicked the cabbage!
    What makes a road apple, a road apple?
    And is this purely a distance event or are there style points?

    • James Michael Curley

      The late Molly Ivins always told the story about "How the cow ate the cabbage." I think its in one of her books but was an often asked for part of her far to few public appearances.

  • Barb

    Will they only be tossed around in mini bars?
    I'm giving myself a timeout after this one.

    • DaSandman

      Or in a Mini Cooper?

      Will there be clowns in the car too? I hope so :)

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

      Is 131p a boundary limit in Intense Debate, like 32 feet per second squared or −273.15 °C?
      (Not that I spend too much time reading Wonkette and thinking about it or anything like that).

    • Doktor Zoom

      It's OK as long as the drinking establishment provides no-cost, proportionally-scaled lodgings for the entertainers.

      They love those Stay-Free Mini Pads

      • PalinzADummy

        Oh! Oh! Oh! How can the two of you stand to gang up on the rest of us like this?

    • PalinzADummy

      And a good thing too, since nobody else has enough P-ness here to give you a timeout!

      Please tell me you really work at it. Or I'll have to come over and attempt to distill your blood or brain into small essence containers, for sale to Wonketteerz searching for that extra fillip to their snark.

  • Schmannnity

    Ritch Workman, Republican mortgage broker in Florida. Me so proud.
    http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/Sections/Representa

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    I think it’s repulsive and stupid

    Funny, that's what I say about Florida government….

    • Scottsdalian

      Funny, that's what I say about Florida

  • CapnFatback

    “The people who were thrown were alcoholics with low self-esteem,” said Robert Van Etten, 62, of Stuart. “Many of them were injured. One committed suicide.”

    I've seen that documentary on the hazards of this dwarf profession. I believe it was entitled The Day the Whistling Stopped.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Perhaps the dwarfs only get half pay.

    • Negropolis

      Whistling while you work, these days, will get your written up, for sure.

  • DaSandman

    In Florida they only have 5 brains that can be used by lawmakers. Probably not a good idea to talk to the press when its not your day to use the brain.

    • elviouslyqueer

      5 brains in Tallahassee? Aren't we being generous!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Leather Bondage Shatner!

  • SexySmurf

    Sure, it's legal to throw a midget around a bar, but I try to keep one as a pet and my landlord says I'm in violation of my lease.

    • DaRooster

      Start chuckin' him around… say it's training.

    • PalinzADummy

      You're not the cartoonist who's always doing those bizarre cartoons about the love-slave midget in the closet, are you?

  • HogeyeGrex

    So, what kind of dressing goes best on tossed dwarf?

    • Barb

      After watching the Wizard of Oz over and over, I would say just stick with the house dressing.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Marry me.

        • Barb

          I love you too much to marry you.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Well played.

        Martini?

      • Negropolis

        **golf clap**

    • Doktor Zoom

      A little vinaigrette…

    • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      You've hit on something. Is this, perchance, as close as Rep. Workman could get to public advocacy of his real objective — salad tossing?

      • HogeyeGrex

        Someone needs to tell Workman that you don't spell "dwarf" s-a-l-a-d.

    • DaRooster

      A little Russian…

    • PalinzADummy

      Depends on what you like when you're tossing their salad.

    • zhubajie

      Barbecue

  • WhatTheHeck

    What kind of country is this where you can't drag people behind your pick truck? Big brother has gone too far.

  • Limeylizzie

    As someone who, on a good day, is five feet four inches tall, I object .

    • chicken_thief

      I was just wondering to myself that if there aren't any dwarfs in the vicinity, can I just toss my bitch? I mean, dwarfs may be more aerodynamic or something, but they are hard to fine. On the other hand, the gf is right there.

      • PalinzADummy

        Yeah, well, if you're hoping for any nookie ever, for the rest of your life, I'd look for the dwarf, no matter how difficult.

    • prommie

      Oh shush you, thats nearly average.

    • PalinzADummy

      As someone who constantly suffers the throes of unrequited love for both you and Barb, I objectify.

    • Tundra Grifter

      LL:

      I'll bet all you have are good days.

    • zhubajie

      You're still a bit taller than me! Happily, Yunnan is full of really, really, short people.

    • Negropolis

      Come on, Lizzie, your basically average height for a woman. I know all of the magazines seem to think that every woman is 5'8", but they really aren't. lol

    • Gunner Asch

      And here you've been describing yourself as short. My daughter is 4'10" and wasn't even on the growth charts as a kid. Only when she found a car with adjustable gas pedals was she able to lose the set of pillows to position herself in the driver's seat. She was great at hide 'n seek and could fit in a 5-gallon bucket up through middle school. I'm guessing the lack of nutrition before she was abandoned in Korea had something to do with it. How bad does it have to be before you have no enamel on your teeth?

  • DaRooster

    "Creating Work-man!"

  • OneYieldRegular

    Republicans throwing around little people requires legislation? I thought it was just business as usual.

  • ApplesauceRobot

    The Randy Newman Act of 2011.

    … you gotta pick 'em up just to say hello.

    • metamarcisf

      They walk around telling great big lies

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    So glad we moved from Fort Lauderdale when I was three, or whatever.

    (Details are sketchy, but I was a little person at the time…that I am sure of.)
    ~

  • baconzgood

    Isn't FLA the same state where you can legally fuck a chicken?

    • Schmannnity

      Not any more! A rich history stretching back to Ponce de Leon is over. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/06/florida-

    • chicken_thief

      What?!!!! There are some states where it is ILLEGAL to fuck chickens? ***oh, shit*** What about catfish?

      • OneDollarJuana

        I believe that's called "noodling". But you're actually supposed to use your arm.

        • Nostrildamus

          I love that one listed synonym is "catfisting".

    • Doktor Zoom

      God created ADAM and EVE, not Gonzo and Camilla!!!!

      • Respitetini

        There is so much win here. So much horrible, blue-furred win.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Keep tossin' that dwarf!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Trying to stamp out gatoraids, one southern state at a time…

  • axmxz

    For an encore, Workman proposed several initiatives to boost whorehouses and organ harvesting organizations, because it's none of the state's business if someone chooses to make money using their various orifices and/or organs.

    • zhubajie

      Probably coming in a year or two. I'm surprised Ron Paul hasn't tried to legalize selling your kidney.

  • freakishlywrong

    Well, this will at least make Disney World somewhat tolerable. I'm lookin' at you Sneezy.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Just when I think the state of Florida has reached bottom, someone (usually an elected official) comes up with something like this. I've lived here for 21 years, but it will never be "home."

    • PalinzADummy

      Come away, my love, come away.

    • fletc3her

      Parole board not playing ball, eh?

  • ColonelDoctor
  • widestanceshakedown

    Yes, let's unleash the power of drunks to kick-start this economy, one tiny crushed skull at a time.

  • freakishlywrong

    Being a resident of Florida, America's dingus™, I simply burst with fucking pride daily.

  • fartknocker

    This is another Teatard mortgage broker who also voted to cut unemployment benefits to Floridians from 26 to 20 weeks to help promote business.
    http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/Sections/Representa

    He was probably one of those sons of bitches handing out NINJA (No Income No Job No Assets) loans who promulgated the greatest financial collapse since the Great Depression. Now he wants to legalize tossing little people.

    I'd rather take his sorry ass to the Bermuda Triangle and toss him in the Atlantic to watch him disappear.

    I don't live in Florida but this form of hypocritcal shit stain just drives me to drink. So I drink a lot.

    OT: That fucking anti-christ Westboro Church from Wichita will protest at Steven Jobs funeral according to Twitter. Assholes. The irony of it is that Margie Phelp wrote the Tweet on damn I-Phone. She's got the intelligence of a clothes hanger.

    • PalinzADummy

      Jezus. We might well have seen the last of the Westboro assholes. They're about to piss off Steve Jobs' fanboy club. Which is fucking huge, and very tech-savvy.

      Take 'em down, boyzngirlz!

  • Nostrildamus

    Do mental dwarfs count? Would Sarah be tossed? If so, Florida has my blessing.

  • ttommyunger

    So, the headline will read: "Mental Midget Supports Jobs for Actual Midgets at World's Largest Old Folks Home."

    • PalinzADummy

      I think I would make a bumpersticker of that, if I lived in that loser's district.

      • ttommyunger

        doubt if anybody but you would 'get it'.

        • PalinzADummy

          Added bonus: the only people who will ever attempt to inflict their presence on me will be those smart enough to 'get it.' The rest will be too confoozled to bug me.

          • ttommyunger

            Twoo enuff!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Is dwarf tossee a good thing to put on a dwarf resume?

    • Doktor Zoom

      it's not as nearly as good as really good strength, agility and charisma stats. But it beats being an NPC.

  • OzoneTom

    It's just sad that Gary Coleman didn't live to see this day.

  • El Pinche

    Hmmm, this is suspicious. This progress is too to be true. What kind of pork is attached to this bill?

  • Amo_of_Bogio

    Today we are all suicidal, drunken, out of work dwarves with low self esteem.

    • PalinzADummy

      Shit, I've been one of those for fucking years.

  • Nostrildamus

    Are there Dwarf Tossing themed restaurants? Can I get a dwarf tossed salad there?

  • BornInATrailer

    And upon reading this, Peter Dinklage feels a renewed sense of gratitude over his recent spike in acting work.

    • PubOption

      And the ghost of David Rappaport feels that his suicide was justified.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      While Verne Troyer resumes praying for Austin Powers IV.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Dwarf-tossing is just a euphemism for having your peter dinkled.

  • crybabyboehner

    Have you ever been to Florida? There is literally nothing else to do there except throw dwarfs.

    • PalinzADummy

      I'm reliably informed that if you're a FL state legislator, there is also plenty of hot'nsweaty action bribing black cops to let you suck their dicks in public terlets. 'Course, you get arrested and stuff, but hey.

      • SorosBot

        Ah, memories of Cocktobers past.

        • PalinzADummy

          What WAS that guy's name, anyway? I wanna say "Bob," but they might have just called him that because that's what he liked to DO.

          • SorosBot

            Here we go; he was Bob Allen:
            http://wonkette.com/285827/ohhhh-you-didnt-mentio

          • PalinzADummy

            Geezus, and he's ugly as fucking sin. And claims he offered to suck the cop's dick because he was scared. Hmm … imagine the sexaytime fun and games you could have with that. C'mere, honey, I'll pretend to be a cop and scare you.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Don't toss that dwarf hand me a sling shot.

    • prommie

      What happened to the pliers? Did you lose them at the Hashfire Inn?

      • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

        I'm so glad someone got that.
        Thanks.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Are there no itty-bitty workhouses? Are there no wee prisons?

  • widestanceshakedown

    If only we could toss the entire state.

    • PalinzADummy

      FL's chock-full of pervs, so please don't offer to toss the entire state. They'll all bend over, en masse.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Dwarfs are onto bigger and better things. Like being porn doubles… however, stay away from the Badger setts.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Wouldn't it create more jobs if the dwarfs toss the big dude?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    I’d like to propose ball smacking of stupid elected officials as an alternative.

    • PalinzADummy

      This – OW! – legislation – OW! – will – OW! – free our job creators – OW! OW! OW, MY BALLZ!

      You're right, it would work.

  • Naked_Bunny

    To be fair, the guy also sponsored a bill that makes it no longer illegal for unmarried couples to openly associate and live together.

    • prommie

      Male and female couples, I presume?

      • Naked_Bunny

        Dude's still a Florida Republican, prommie. Catching up to the 1960s is a start, though.

  • x111e7thst

    They got little hands
    Little eyes
    They walk around
    Tellin' great big lies
    They got little noses
    And tiny little teeth
    They wear platform shoes
    On their nasty little feet

    Tossing is too good for them

  • Naked_Bunny

    While I understand where Workman is coming from, if he's going to be ideologically consistent, he also needs to favor ending the drug war, legalizing gay marriage, and allowing prostitution (outside the statehouse).

    • PalinzADummy

      Thanks for the clarification.

  • Guppy06

    “I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it,” Workman said. “I think it’s repulsive and stupid. But it’s none of the state’s business if somebody wants to do this.”

    How about strip clubs?

    • Naked_Bunny

      Naked dwarf tossing with bacon grease, and stripper cheerleaders.

      Don't look at me that way! You put the image in my head.

      • Guppy06

        We need something shorter that will fit on a sign.

      • prommie

        This is working for me; regular old strip clubs do nothing for me, its an awkward situation, trying to drink a beer while some naked chick shakes her parts in your face. I mean, she's working, you are off, she's naked, you have clothes on, the situation is so unequal. But strip freak shows, that would be something, it would break the ice, you're not just looking at a naked lady, you are looking at a naked airborne greased dwarf, you have a non-sexual excuse for staring.

        • Guppy06

          "I mean, she's working, you are off"

          That's an easy enough problem to solve: be a Republican fundraiser and write it off as a business expense.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Are you kidding? Those are the backbone of Florida's economy. Besides, no way the GOP wants them outlawed before the '12 convention in Tampa.

      • Guppy06

        A lot of towns around here won't let you serve alcohol alongside full nudity, though, which kind of defeats the purpose somewhat in one's pursuit of booze and boobs.

        Local law can't keep you from carrying a gun into city hall, but it can stop you from looking at nipples while sloshed.

  • http://grandpaboy.blogspot.com/ seppdecker

    I would agree to a one-time exemption for Tom DeLay.

  • poorgradstudent

    Today dwarf tossing, tomorrow making 'town drunk' an official, paying position.

    • prommie

      Imagine the competition for that job? I wonder if being named "Otis" would give you an advantage?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    If dwarf tossing was ok in the eyes of the founders, it's ok for me.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I would also ask – rhetorically, of course – do you know who else liked to toss dwarves?

    • real_dc_native

      The Wicked Witch?

    • littlebigdaddy

      Crocodile Dundee?

    • GlowneyHouse

      Thor?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe
    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Legolas?

    • zhubajie

      King John of England, I believe.

    • not that Dewey

      Gary Gygax?

    • tcaalaw

      J.R.R. Tolkien?

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    In Soviet Russia dwarf tosses you!

  • real_dc_native

    We need more jobs? Let's institute my favorite (imaginary) sport: Launching legislators into the reflecting pool using a gigantic sling shot. If we run out of legislators we could use bankers , then lobbyists, or maybe the other way around.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Strip clubs were outlawed in Missouri last year, causing the loss of thousands of jobs and many businesses to close. WHERE'S THE OUTRAGE???

    • littlebigdaddy

      One the saddest things I have ever seen was driving along I-70 between KC and St. Louis and seeing all those empty strip bars. Oh the humanity!

  • BlueStateLibel

    In all fairness, I would like to see a law allowing Kodiak grizzly bears to fling around Florida GOP State Rep. Ritch Workman. Come on, those bears need jobs too!

    • zhubajie

      I have actually seen bear-wrestling in Ohio bars! It's for drunken frat boys, of course.

  • Indiepalin

    If this initiative fails to become law, Bear-baiting would seem to be the best alternative.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      How about Bristol-baiting? Have union teachers pummel her with No Child Left Behind test questions.

  • DashboardBuddha

    I just tossed my cookies reading about this bullshit.

  • hagajim

    While they're at it they could legalize prostitution and weed….that would create some jobs!

    • BornInATrailer

      Or at least make us care less. Win-win.

  • SoBeach

    I almost, ALMOST live in his district. Ha!

    Workman represents the TruckNutz ™ side of the county.

    I live in the Hoveround side.

    Every day is just better than the last.

  • Redhead

    "bring back “dwarf tossing,” a bizarre bar sport thing where intoxicated idiots pay money to fling little people around the room like shot puts, to amuse the drunks. Florida outlawed this in 1989 for obvious reasons"

    Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??? I read about this in a Carl Hiasson novel, but I thought it was Carl being, well, Carl. You mean this was really a thing? For real?

    • SoBeach

      Oh yeah. It's as real as the early bird special at Friendly's.

      Matter of fact, dwarf tossing is even mentioned in our state song "Old Folks At Home" ("Swanee River"). I think it's the verse after the one about the "Darkies".

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        FYI, Friendly's just declared bankruptcy. Sad. Now I want a Fribble.

    • zhubajie

      I've always assumed that most of what I read in Hiaasen was as real as a heart attack! He does work for a Florida newspaper.

      • Redhead

        To be fair, so does Dave Barry, and I'm PRETTY sure that about 24% of what HE writes is made up…

  • metamarcisf

    To show our support for limited government, please give Rep. Workman a call at (850) 488-9720 and congratulate him on his loyalty to the constitution.

  • Antispandex

    It's a little odd that the right-wing nuts don't extend the same logic to people who want to sell, or use, weed, or enage in prostitution…well you know, I mean openly…with quality hookers.

  • littlebigdaddy

    But will there be a special license plate to go along with it, like they have for manatees and fetuses?

  • PalinzADummy

    Can we start a used-panty collection for this mofo?

  • Troglodeity

    Dwarf tossers don't kill dwarves; dwarves kill dwarves!

  • DashboardBuddha

    Hey now…that little fella in the picture is smiling and giving us the thumbs up. It can't be all that bad else he wouldn't be smiling and giving the thumbs up.

    Also…Cuddles of the Oddballs with his "Official Missle"…creepy description or awesome band name?

  • Tundra Grifter

    If memory serves (and sometimes it just double-faults) the dwarf pictured in that newspaper article is Wee Robbie.

    Please don't ask me how I remember that.

  • 50ampfuse

    Tyrion Lannister!!!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Michael Vick had an entire dwarf-tossing arena built at his mansion! Roethlisberger's entourage would corner dwarves in the bathroom so he could toss them! Plaxico Buress tossed a dwarf and shot him in the air! These arrogant athletes make me so damn mad, they should be force-fed Red Bulls and beaten until they throw footballs into each other's faces to the death!!

  • Barrelhse

    Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers.

  • JackObin

    Just keep the dwarfs away from small Stonehenge monuments.

  • mavenmaven

    Legalize Side Show Geeks!

  • MonsterAGoGo

    Don't toss that dwarf, hand me those pliers. Edit: damn, someone beat me to it.

  • schvitzatura

    They love all your
    miniature ways
    you know what they say
    about small boys

  • ibwilliamsi

    He must have had to get rid of his goat.

  • Negropolis

    Florida GOP Rep. Wants Law Allowing Drunks To Throw Around Dwarfs

    Let me guess before even reading this: 'Cause freedom, right?

  • not that Dewey

    Hey, Florida asshole — I dare you to toss this fucking dwarf. Koko will cut a bitch.

  • tessiee

    It seems rather unsporting to pick on someone much smaller. I suggest a compromise, where five or six muscular individuals pick up Newt Gingrich and hurl him with great force.
    Preferably into the Cuyahoga River.
    While it's on fire.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Can't they throw repubs around, they always appear inebriated …

  • Barb

    Nope, my p-ness hasn't moved in over a month, lol.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Yeah, what's up with that? My comments are as lame as they've ever been, but my p is unchanged. Someone said that the larger the p-ness (shush you in the back), the harder it is to increase. Whatevs.

  • paris biltong

    It's equally true of mine, which is embarrassingly small – although I'm used to that.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    You're up there where the Hulk starts turning gray-faced and falls off your jet!

  • James Michael Curley

    Bout the same time they yanked the down thumb. By the way did I ever tell you what would happen when my grandfather asked me to yank his thumb?