YOUR 'JOB CREATORS' AT WORK  1:45 pm October 6, 2011

Florida GOP Rep. Wants Law Allowing Drunks To Throw Around Dwarfs

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Why isn't this an Olympic sport already?Florida GOP state Rep. Ritch Workman’s got a hawt new job creation proposal to, er, bring back “dwarf tossing,” a bizarre bar sport thing where intoxicated idiots pay money to fling little people around the room like shot puts, to amuse the drunks. Florida outlawed this in 1989 for obvious reasons, which means that this is now, two decades later, somehow (?) Workman’s cue to whine about the “Big Brother government” forcing dwarfs to miss out on all these sweet human projectile jobs with its heinous socialist safety regulations. Because what else are little people going to do, get a “regular” nonexistent job like everyone else? Oh ha, that’s a good one. 

From the Palm Beach Post:

“I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it,” Workman said. “I think it’s repulsive and stupid. But it’s none of the state’s business if somebody wants to do this.”

Workman’s efforts to create employment opportunities for little people willing to be objectified as flying objects was not done after consultation with anyone eligible for this line of work.

“The people who were thrown were alcoholics with low self-esteem,” said Robert Van Etten, 62, of Stuart. “Many of them were injured. One committed suicide.”

Sure sure, but how about a little fairness, Rep. Workman? Nobody in Florida can find employment, so shouldn’t we let everybody who wants to be flung around by a roomful of screaming drunks go for the job? We smell an untapped market! [Palm Beach Post]

 

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{ 235 comments }

privatejoker77 October 6, 2011 at 1:47 pm

It's about time dwarf tossing was legalized!

DaRooster October 6, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Let's burn one… oh wait… not yet?

Lascauxcaveman October 6, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Dwarf tossing. A great sport, or greatest sport?

OneDollarJuana October 6, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Right up there with midget wrestling.

GOPCrusher October 6, 2011 at 5:18 pm

If our Fore Fathers did not wants us to toss dwarfs, they would have put it in the Constitution!

Come here a minute October 6, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Now Obammer's coming for your dwarves. They can have my dwarf when they pry him from my cold, dead hands.

widestanceshakedown October 6, 2011 at 2:02 pm

They can have my dwarf when they pull it from my hot slippery hands.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Is *that* what you're calling your thang these days, hon? ;-)

widestanceshakedown October 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

It seemed un-PC to refer to it as my Peter Dinklage.

DaRooster October 6, 2011 at 2:03 pm

"Now Obammer's coming for your dwarves. They can have my dwarf when they pry him his cold dead body from my cold, dead hands."

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Way too much cold and dead there, dood. Jus' sayin'.

SorosBot October 6, 2011 at 2:08 pm

They can have my dwarf when they pry my character sheet from my pasty, nerdy hands.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:03 pm

I coulda sworn I just saw you say that on TPM.

Come here a minute October 6, 2011 at 3:41 pm

FlyingSquid totally plagiarized me, about two hours before I wrote the comment.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Uh-huh. Sure thing, hon. (eyes Comehere for evidence of tentacles or suckers)

Come here a minute October 6, 2011 at 9:55 pm

I have a weakness for noodly appendages, but I am not, nor have I ever been, associated with Ms./Mr. Squid.

Barb October 6, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Seems to me that Florida is drug testing the wrong people.

Walkinwiddaking October 6, 2011 at 9:09 pm

You are correct. Any little person willing to be tossed around willy nilly should be drug tested. God bless America.

McGreek October 6, 2011 at 1:49 pm

How about throwing Florida reps?

crybabyboehner October 6, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Howzabout a nice gator fuckin' contest?

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Kaiju porn!

Did I mention NSFW?

Doktor Zoom October 6, 2011 at 2:22 pm

They're already mental midgets, after all.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Oh, yeah, Rep-tossing!

MozakiBlocks October 6, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Into the shark tank at Sea World?

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 6, 2011 at 1:49 pm

A little fairness indeed!

Beowoof October 6, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Some how the more news that comes out of Florida the more cookie tossing I seem to do.

misanthrope October 6, 2011 at 6:59 pm

Florida, when nothing but bat shit crazy will do.

FNMA October 6, 2011 at 1:50 pm

It's about time. Now, they have to get tot work legalizing legislator-tossing.
Out a window.
Of a very tall building.

Gratuitous World October 6, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I'm guessing this Workman is just another politician in the pocket of Big Little People.

edgydrifter October 6, 2011 at 1:51 pm

But it totally IS the state's business if two dudes want to get married.

iburl October 6, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Or play poker for money. Or buy beer on a Sunday morning. Or build a mosque. Or do the wrong kinds of drugs.

DashboardBuddha October 6, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Or have an abortion..

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Or two gals. They're fussy that way.

smashaduck October 6, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Yo dummy, let's be careful to specify physical not intellectual dwarfs. Or don't. 'Cause I'd love to toss you and Scotty.

spends2much October 6, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Dear Florida,
If I don't have a dwarf to toss, can I use a toddler? I mean, if he's down with it, and all. Big Guvmint shouldn't be telling children what to do either, right?

DaRooster October 6, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Sure, especially if it's your toddler… you get to decide what is best for them.

McGreek October 6, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Toddler, sure. But NO FETUSES.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Too slippery. Hard to toss.

BaldarTFlagass October 6, 2011 at 1:52 pm

It's easy to understand why Tom Petty was so anxious to get the fuck out of FLA, all those years ago.

Beetagger October 6, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Maybe Free Fallin' was about a dwarf… post toss.

weejee October 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm

But he wasn't real warm to carpetbagging Yankee agents and bidness persons.

BaldarTFlagass October 6, 2011 at 1:53 pm

The dwarf pictured has a safety helmet on, so I think all OSHA regulations concerning this profession are being met. At least the guy didn't have to work in the Amazon warehouse.

baconzgood October 6, 2011 at 2:08 pm

We need to get rid of outdated dwarf OSHA regulations.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 5:04 pm

We need to string Jeff Bezos up unless Amazon starts paying their fucking taxes.

Also, too.

FNMA October 6, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Whatever you do, don't Google "dwarfs" and "amazon."
Or maybe go right ahead, if you're into that kind of thing…

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:14 pm

I have no idea what you're talking about. Ha-rumph! All I see is endless listings for Snow White and the Seven Dwarves on Amazon, and a bunch of pointy-head articles on astronomy.

V572-½‡‡‡‡‡ October 6, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Engnghng, we won't really know until we find out what the workmans' comp rate is. Roofers are 1.6.

SorosBot October 6, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Nobody tosses a dwarf!

fuflans October 6, 2011 at 2:27 pm

if i call you a nerd i do it only out of love.

SorosBot October 6, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Hey, I call myself a nerd.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:15 pm

I think we all call SorosBot a nerd, dear. Totally with love, of course.

Fawkdifiknow October 6, 2011 at 1:54 pm

When they outlawed dwarf tossing, then dwarfs became outlaws only. That's what happens when you tamper with the Bill of Rights like that.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm

First they came for the dwarf throwers, but I said nothing…..

veritass October 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Let's just pretend that this law doesn't exist, and that Ritch Workman is a dwarf.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:15 pm

I like the way you think.

baconzgood October 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm

FINALLY! I was sick of going to those shady underground miget tossing places.

CapnFatback October 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Breaking News: the Occupy Florida protests will now be sponsored by the Lollipop Guild.

elviouslyqueer October 6, 2011 at 2:19 pm

This is good news for Glinda, obvs.

SayItWithWookies October 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Wait — if dwarf tossing is illegal, explain the recent announcements by Tim Pawlenty, Chris Christie and Sarah Palin.

Sophist[Kochblocker] October 6, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Next piece of proposed Republican legislation: legalizing donkey shows.

Think of the jobs!

prommie October 6, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Finally, productive work for Michelle Malkin.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Yah, like you could find a donkey willing to sink that low.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 6, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it,” Workman said. “I think it’s repulsive and stupid. But it’s none of the state’s business if somebody wants to do this.

You know, the same thing could be said about prostitution, and their is a lot more money in that. Why don't pimps and whores have better lobbyist? Where is James O'Keefe when he could be doing something actually useful?

Pithaughn October 6, 2011 at 2:22 pm

I would say that on the proverbial slippery slope, once this nonsense is legal, there is not much slipping to legalized prostitution. What part of his justifications for the proposed legalization of tossing would not also justify prostitution? We all know there are large numbers of 'merrcans forced to travel to foreign countries to test the bi-curious waters and other illegal or immoral sexy times. I see lot's of over seas jobs coming to our shores and a reduction in greenhouse gas emissions as less traveling is required, since Florida would have more houses of sex workers than Starbucks.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:18 pm

I doubt we'll ever attract major prostitution clients from foreign shores. Not THAT many chubby-chasers in the whole fucking world, and two out of every three of us is carrying around some major lard.

freakishlywrong October 6, 2011 at 3:05 pm

In the immortal words of the Talking Heads: "Stop Making Sense".

paris biltong October 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

They have another legislator, Rep. Workingwoman, pushing for a change in the law.

lefty74 October 6, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Could some body please explain to me how the cow kicked the cabbage!
What makes a road apple, a road apple?
And is this purely a distance event or are there style points?

James Michael Curley October 6, 2011 at 4:04 pm

The late Molly Ivins always told the story about "How the cow ate the cabbage." I think its in one of her books but was an often asked for part of her far to few public appearances.

Barb October 6, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Will they only be tossed around in mini bars?
I'm giving myself a timeout after this one.

DaSandman October 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Or in a Mini Cooper?

Will there be clowns in the car too? I hope so :)

donner_froh October 6, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Is 131p a boundary limit in Intense Debate, like 32 feet per second squared or −273.15 °C?
(Not that I spend too much time reading Wonkette and thinking about it or anything like that).

Doktor Zoom October 6, 2011 at 2:26 pm

It's OK as long as the drinking establishment provides no-cost, proportionally-scaled lodgings for the entertainers.

They love those Stay-Free Mini Pads

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Oh! Oh! Oh! How can the two of you stand to gang up on the rest of us like this?

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:19 pm

And a good thing too, since nobody else has enough P-ness here to give you a timeout!

Please tell me you really work at it. Or I'll have to come over and attempt to distill your blood or brain into small essence containers, for sale to Wonketteerz searching for that extra fillip to their snark.

Schmannnity October 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Ritch Workman, Republican mortgage broker in Florida. Me so proud.
http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/Sections/Representa

OC_Surf_Serf October 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

I think it’s repulsive and stupid

Funny, that's what I say about Florida government….

Scottsdalian October 7, 2011 at 11:22 am

Funny, that's what I say about Florida

CapnFatback October 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

“The people who were thrown were alcoholics with low self-esteem,” said Robert Van Etten, 62, of Stuart. “Many of them were injured. One committed suicide.”

I've seen that documentary on the hazards of this dwarf profession. I believe it was entitled The Day the Whistling Stopped.

Tundra Grifter October 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Perhaps the dwarfs only get half pay.

Negropolis October 6, 2011 at 11:38 pm

Whistling while you work, these days, will get your written up, for sure.

DaSandman October 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

In Florida they only have 5 brains that can be used by lawmakers. Probably not a good idea to talk to the press when its not your day to use the brain.

elviouslyqueer October 6, 2011 at 2:10 pm

5 brains in Tallahassee? Aren't we being generous!

Chet Kincaid October 6, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Leather Bondage Shatner!

SexySmurf October 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Sure, it's legal to throw a midget around a bar, but I try to keep one as a pet and my landlord says I'm in violation of my lease.

DaRooster October 6, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Start chuckin' him around… say it's training.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 9:42 pm

You're not the cartoonist who's always doing those bizarre cartoons about the love-slave midget in the closet, are you?

HogeyeGrex October 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm

So, what kind of dressing goes best on tossed dwarf?

Barb October 6, 2011 at 2:20 pm

After watching the Wizard of Oz over and over, I would say just stick with the house dressing.

elviouslyqueer October 6, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Marry me.

Barb October 6, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I love you too much to marry you.

HogeyeGrex October 6, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Well played.

Martini?

Negropolis October 6, 2011 at 11:39 pm

**golf clap**

Doktor Zoom October 6, 2011 at 2:29 pm

A little vinaigrette…

FlownOver October 6, 2011 at 2:45 pm

You've hit on something. Is this, perchance, as close as Rep. Workman could get to public advocacy of his real objective — salad tossing?

HogeyeGrex October 6, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Someone needs to tell Workman that you don't spell "dwarf" s-a-l-a-d.

DaRooster October 6, 2011 at 2:54 pm

A little Russian…

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Depends on what you like when you're tossing their salad.

zhubajie October 6, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Barbecue

WhatTheHeck October 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm

What kind of country is this where you can't drag people behind your pick truck? Big brother has gone too far.

Limeylizzie October 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm

As someone who, on a good day, is five feet four inches tall, I object .

chicken_thief October 6, 2011 at 2:14 pm

I was just wondering to myself that if there aren't any dwarfs in the vicinity, can I just toss my bitch? I mean, dwarfs may be more aerodynamic or something, but they are hard to fine. On the other hand, the gf is right there.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Yeah, well, if you're hoping for any nookie ever, for the rest of your life, I'd look for the dwarf, no matter how difficult.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Oh shush you, thats nearly average.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:24 pm

As someone who constantly suffers the throes of unrequited love for both you and Barb, I objectify.

Tundra Grifter October 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm

LL:

I'll bet all you have are good days.

zhubajie October 6, 2011 at 7:40 pm

You're still a bit taller than me! Happily, Yunnan is full of really, really, short people.

Negropolis October 6, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Come on, Lizzie, your basically average height for a woman. I know all of the magazines seem to think that every woman is 5'8", but they really aren't. lol

Gunner Asch October 7, 2011 at 1:08 pm

And here you've been describing yourself as short. My daughter is 4'10" and wasn't even on the growth charts as a kid. Only when she found a car with adjustable gas pedals was she able to lose the set of pillows to position herself in the driver's seat. She was great at hide 'n seek and could fit in a 5-gallon bucket up through middle school. I'm guessing the lack of nutrition before she was abandoned in Korea had something to do with it. How bad does it have to be before you have no enamel on your teeth?

DaRooster October 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm

"Creating Work-man!"

OneYieldRegular October 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Republicans throwing around little people requires legislation? I thought it was just business as usual.

ApplesauceRobot October 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm

The Randy Newman Act of 2011.

… you gotta pick 'em up just to say hello.

metamarcisf October 6, 2011 at 3:22 pm

They walk around telling great big lies

ifthethunderdontgetya October 6, 2011 at 2:01 pm

So glad we moved from Fort Lauderdale when I was three, or whatever.

(Details are sketchy, but I was a little person at the time…that I am sure of.)
~

baconzgood October 6, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Isn't FLA the same state where you can legally fuck a chicken?

Schmannnity October 6, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Not any more! A rich history stretching back to Ponce de Leon is over. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/06/florida-

chicken_thief October 6, 2011 at 2:16 pm

What?!!!! There are some states where it is ILLEGAL to fuck chickens? ***oh, shit*** What about catfish?

OneDollarJuana October 6, 2011 at 2:44 pm

I believe that's called "noodling". But you're actually supposed to use your arm.

Nostrildamus October 6, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I love that one listed synonym is "catfisting".

Doktor Zoom October 6, 2011 at 2:31 pm

God created ADAM and EVE, not Gonzo and Camilla!!!!

Respitetini October 6, 2011 at 3:06 pm

There is so much win here. So much horrible, blue-furred win.

Tundra Grifter October 6, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Keep tossin' that dwarf!

Dudleydidwrong October 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Trying to stamp out gatoraids, one southern state at a time…

axmxz October 6, 2011 at 2:02 pm

For an encore, Workman proposed several initiatives to boost whorehouses and organ harvesting organizations, because it's none of the state's business if someone chooses to make money using their various orifices and/or organs.

zhubajie October 6, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Probably coming in a year or two. I'm surprised Ron Paul hasn't tried to legalize selling your kidney.

freakishlywrong October 6, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Well, this will at least make Disney World somewhat tolerable. I'm lookin' at you Sneezy.

Rosie_Scenario October 6, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Just when I think the state of Florida has reached bottom, someone (usually an elected official) comes up with something like this. I've lived here for 21 years, but it will never be "home."

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Come away, my love, come away.

fletc3her October 6, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Parole board not playing ball, eh?

ColonelDoctor October 6, 2011 at 2:07 pm
widestanceshakedown October 6, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Yes, let's unleash the power of drunks to kick-start this economy, one tiny crushed skull at a time.

freakishlywrong October 6, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Being a resident of Florida, America's dingus™, I simply burst with fucking pride daily.

fartknocker October 6, 2011 at 2:10 pm

This is another Teatard mortgage broker who also voted to cut unemployment benefits to Floridians from 26 to 20 weeks to help promote business.
http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/Sections/Representa

He was probably one of those sons of bitches handing out NINJA (No Income No Job No Assets) loans who promulgated the greatest financial collapse since the Great Depression. Now he wants to legalize tossing little people.

I'd rather take his sorry ass to the Bermuda Triangle and toss him in the Atlantic to watch him disappear.

I don't live in Florida but this form of hypocritcal shit stain just drives me to drink. So I drink a lot.

OT: That fucking anti-christ Westboro Church from Wichita will protest at Steven Jobs funeral according to Twitter. Assholes. The irony of it is that Margie Phelp wrote the Tweet on damn I-Phone. She's got the intelligence of a clothes hanger.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Jezus. We might well have seen the last of the Westboro assholes. They're about to piss off Steve Jobs' fanboy club. Which is fucking huge, and very tech-savvy.

Take 'em down, boyzngirlz!

Nostrildamus October 6, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Do mental dwarfs count? Would Sarah be tossed? If so, Florida has my blessing.

ttommyunger October 6, 2011 at 2:12 pm

So, the headline will read: "Mental Midget Supports Jobs for Actual Midgets at World's Largest Old Folks Home."

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm

I think I would make a bumpersticker of that, if I lived in that loser's district.

ttommyunger October 6, 2011 at 6:58 pm

doubt if anybody but you would 'get it'.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Added bonus: the only people who will ever attempt to inflict their presence on me will be those smart enough to 'get it.' The rest will be too confoozled to bug me.

ttommyunger October 7, 2011 at 10:56 am

Twoo enuff!

donner_froh October 6, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Is dwarf tossee a good thing to put on a dwarf resume?

Doktor Zoom October 6, 2011 at 2:41 pm

it's not as nearly as good as really good strength, agility and charisma stats. But it beats being an NPC.

OzoneTom October 6, 2011 at 2:13 pm

It's just sad that Gary Coleman didn't live to see this day.

El Pinche October 6, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Hmmm, this is suspicious. This progress is too to be true. What kind of pork is attached to this bill?

Amo_of_Bogio October 6, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Today we are all suicidal, drunken, out of work dwarves with low self esteem.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Shit, I've been one of those for fucking years.

Nostrildamus October 6, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Are there Dwarf Tossing themed restaurants? Can I get a dwarf tossed salad there?

BornInATrailer October 6, 2011 at 2:17 pm

And upon reading this, Peter Dinklage feels a renewed sense of gratitude over his recent spike in acting work.

PubOption October 6, 2011 at 2:28 pm

And the ghost of David Rappaport feels that his suicide was justified.

imissopus October 6, 2011 at 2:41 pm

While Verne Troyer resumes praying for Austin Powers IV.

Chet Kincaid October 6, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Dwarf-tossing is just a euphemism for having your peter dinkled.

crybabyboehner October 6, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Have you ever been to Florida? There is literally nothing else to do there except throw dwarfs.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I'm reliably informed that if you're a FL state legislator, there is also plenty of hot'nsweaty action bribing black cops to let you suck their dicks in public terlets. 'Course, you get arrested and stuff, but hey.

SorosBot October 6, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Ah, memories of Cocktobers past.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

What WAS that guy's name, anyway? I wanna say "Bob," but they might have just called him that because that's what he liked to DO.

SorosBot October 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Here we go; he was Bob Allen:
http://wonkette.com/285827/ohhhh-you-didnt-mentio

Monsieur_Grumpe October 6, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Don't toss that dwarf hand me a sling shot.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm

What happened to the pliers? Did you lose them at the Hashfire Inn?

Monsieur_Grumpe October 6, 2011 at 4:24 pm

I'm so glad someone got that.
Thanks.

Doktor Zoom October 6, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Are there no itty-bitty workhouses? Are there no wee prisons?

widestanceshakedown October 6, 2011 at 2:20 pm

If only we could toss the entire state.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:48 pm

FL's chock-full of pervs, so please don't offer to toss the entire state. They'll all bend over, en masse.

mrblifil October 6, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Dwarfs are onto bigger and better things. Like being porn doubles… however, stay away from the Badger setts.

Blueb4sunrise October 6, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Wouldn't it create more jobs if the dwarfs toss the big dude?

Monsieur_Grumpe October 6, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I’d like to propose ball smacking of stupid elected officials as an alternative.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

This – OW! – legislation – OW! – will – OW! – free our job creators – OW! OW! OW, MY BALLZ!

You're right, it would work.

Naked_Bunny October 6, 2011 at 2:26 pm

To be fair, the guy also sponsored a bill that makes it no longer illegal for unmarried couples to openly associate and live together.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Male and female couples, I presume?

Naked_Bunny October 6, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Dude's still a Florida Republican, prommie. Catching up to the 1960s is a start, though.

x111e7thst October 6, 2011 at 2:28 pm

They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Tossing is too good for them

Naked_Bunny October 6, 2011 at 2:30 pm

While I understand where Workman is coming from, if he's going to be ideologically consistent, he also needs to favor ending the drug war, legalizing gay marriage, and allowing prostitution (outside the statehouse).

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Thanks for the clarification.

Guppy06 October 6, 2011 at 2:33 pm

“I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it,” Workman said. “I think it’s repulsive and stupid. But it’s none of the state’s business if somebody wants to do this.”

How about strip clubs?

Naked_Bunny October 6, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Naked dwarf tossing with bacon grease, and stripper cheerleaders.

Don't look at me that way! You put the image in my head.

Guppy06 October 6, 2011 at 3:14 pm

We need something shorter that will fit on a sign.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 4:01 pm

This is working for me; regular old strip clubs do nothing for me, its an awkward situation, trying to drink a beer while some naked chick shakes her parts in your face. I mean, she's working, you are off, she's naked, you have clothes on, the situation is so unequal. But strip freak shows, that would be something, it would break the ice, you're not just looking at a naked lady, you are looking at a naked airborne greased dwarf, you have a non-sexual excuse for staring.

Guppy06 October 6, 2011 at 4:59 pm

"I mean, she's working, you are off"

That's an easy enough problem to solve: be a Republican fundraiser and write it off as a business expense.

imissopus October 6, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Are you kidding? Those are the backbone of Florida's economy. Besides, no way the GOP wants them outlawed before the '12 convention in Tampa.

Guppy06 October 6, 2011 at 3:13 pm

A lot of towns around here won't let you serve alcohol alongside full nudity, though, which kind of defeats the purpose somewhat in one's pursuit of booze and boobs.

Local law can't keep you from carrying a gun into city hall, but it can stop you from looking at nipples while sloshed.

seppdecker October 6, 2011 at 2:34 pm

I would agree to a one-time exemption for Tom DeLay.

poorgradstudent October 6, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Today dwarf tossing, tomorrow making 'town drunk' an official, paying position.

prommie October 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Imagine the competition for that job? I wonder if being named "Otis" would give you an advantage?

johnnyzhivago October 6, 2011 at 2:41 pm

If dwarf tossing was ok in the eyes of the founders, it's ok for me.

johnnyzhivago October 6, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I would also ask – rhetorically, of course – do you know who else liked to toss dwarves?

real_dc_native October 6, 2011 at 3:06 pm

The Wicked Witch?

littlebigdaddy October 6, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Crocodile Dundee?

GlowneyHouse October 6, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Thor?

Monsieur_Grumpe October 6, 2011 at 4:34 pm
GunToting[Redacted] October 6, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Legolas?

zhubajie October 6, 2011 at 7:47 pm

King John of England, I believe.

not that Dewey October 7, 2011 at 12:37 am

Gary Gygax?

tcaalaw October 7, 2011 at 8:35 am

J.R.R. Tolkien?

imissopus October 6, 2011 at 2:46 pm

In Soviet Russia dwarf tosses you!

real_dc_native October 6, 2011 at 2:47 pm

We need more jobs? Let's institute my favorite (imaginary) sport: Launching legislators into the reflecting pool using a gigantic sling shot. If we run out of legislators we could use bankers , then lobbyists, or maybe the other way around.

BarackMyWorld October 6, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Strip clubs were outlawed in Missouri last year, causing the loss of thousands of jobs and many businesses to close. WHERE'S THE OUTRAGE???

littlebigdaddy October 6, 2011 at 4:08 pm

One the saddest things I have ever seen was driving along I-70 between KC and St. Louis and seeing all those empty strip bars. Oh the humanity!

BlueStateLibel October 6, 2011 at 2:51 pm

In all fairness, I would like to see a law allowing Kodiak grizzly bears to fling around Florida GOP State Rep. Ritch Workman. Come on, those bears need jobs too!

zhubajie October 6, 2011 at 7:50 pm

I have actually seen bear-wrestling in Ohio bars! It's for drunken frat boys, of course.

Indiepalin October 6, 2011 at 3:01 pm

If this initiative fails to become law, Bear-baiting would seem to be the best alternative.

weejee October 6, 2011 at 4:04 pm

How about Bristol-baiting? Have union teachers pummel her with No Child Left Behind test questions.

DashboardBuddha October 6, 2011 at 3:02 pm

I just tossed my cookies reading about this bullshit.

hagajim October 6, 2011 at 3:02 pm

While they're at it they could legalize prostitution and weed….that would create some jobs!

BornInATrailer October 6, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Or at least make us care less. Win-win.

SoBeach October 6, 2011 at 3:03 pm

I almost, ALMOST live in his district. Ha!

Workman represents the TruckNutz ™ side of the county.

I live in the Hoveround side.

Every day is just better than the last.

Redhead October 6, 2011 at 3:03 pm

"bring back “dwarf tossing,” a bizarre bar sport thing where intoxicated idiots pay money to fling little people around the room like shot puts, to amuse the drunks. Florida outlawed this in 1989 for obvious reasons"

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??? I read about this in a Carl Hiasson novel, but I thought it was Carl being, well, Carl. You mean this was really a thing? For real?

SoBeach October 6, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Oh yeah. It's as real as the early bird special at Friendly's.

Matter of fact, dwarf tossing is even mentioned in our state song "Old Folks At Home" ("Swanee River"). I think it's the verse after the one about the "Darkies".

GunToting[Redacted] October 6, 2011 at 4:58 pm

FYI, Friendly's just declared bankruptcy. Sad. Now I want a Fribble.

zhubajie October 6, 2011 at 7:51 pm

I've always assumed that most of what I read in Hiaasen was as real as a heart attack! He does work for a Florida newspaper.

Redhead October 6, 2011 at 11:31 pm

To be fair, so does Dave Barry, and I'm PRETTY sure that about 24% of what HE writes is made up…

metamarcisf October 6, 2011 at 3:05 pm

To show our support for limited government, please give Rep. Workman a call at (850) 488-9720 and congratulate him on his loyalty to the constitution.

Antispandex October 6, 2011 at 3:11 pm

It's a little odd that the right-wing nuts don't extend the same logic to people who want to sell, or use, weed, or enage in prostitution…well you know, I mean openly…with quality hookers.

littlebigdaddy October 6, 2011 at 3:11 pm

But will there be a special license plate to go along with it, like they have for manatees and fetuses?

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Can we start a used-panty collection for this mofo?

Troglodeity October 6, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Dwarf tossers don't kill dwarves; dwarves kill dwarves!

DashboardBuddha October 6, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Hey now…that little fella in the picture is smiling and giving us the thumbs up. It can't be all that bad else he wouldn't be smiling and giving the thumbs up.

Also…Cuddles of the Oddballs with his "Official Missle"…creepy description or awesome band name?

Tundra Grifter October 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

If memory serves (and sometimes it just double-faults) the dwarf pictured in that newspaper article is Wee Robbie.

Please don't ask me how I remember that.

50ampfuse October 6, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Tyrion Lannister!!!

Chet Kincaid October 6, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Michael Vick had an entire dwarf-tossing arena built at his mansion! Roethlisberger's entourage would corner dwarves in the bathroom so he could toss them! Plaxico Buress tossed a dwarf and shot him in the air! These arrogant athletes make me so damn mad, they should be force-fed Red Bulls and beaten until they throw footballs into each other's faces to the death!!

Barrelhse October 6, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers.

JackObin October 6, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Just keep the dwarfs away from small Stonehenge monuments.

mavenmaven October 6, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Legalize Side Show Geeks!

MonsterAGoGo October 6, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Don't toss that dwarf, hand me those pliers. Edit: damn, someone beat me to it.

schvitzatura October 6, 2011 at 7:35 pm

They love all your
miniature ways
you know what they say
about small boys

ibwilliamsi October 6, 2011 at 10:06 pm

He must have had to get rid of his goat.

Negropolis October 6, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Florida GOP Rep. Wants Law Allowing Drunks To Throw Around Dwarfs

Let me guess before even reading this: 'Cause freedom, right?

not that Dewey October 7, 2011 at 12:48 am

Hey, Florida asshole — I dare you to toss this fucking dwarf. Koko will cut a bitch.

tessiee October 7, 2011 at 10:40 am

It seems rather unsporting to pick on someone much smaller. I suggest a compromise, where five or six muscular individuals pick up Newt Gingrich and hurl him with great force.
Preferably into the Cuyahoga River.
While it's on fire.

BZ1 October 7, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Can't they throw repubs around, they always appear inebriated …

Barb October 6, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Nope, my p-ness hasn't moved in over a month, lol.

widestanceshakedown October 6, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Yeah, what's up with that? My comments are as lame as they've ever been, but my p is unchanged. Someone said that the larger the p-ness (shush you in the back), the harder it is to increase. Whatevs.

paris biltong October 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

It's equally true of mine, which is embarrassingly small – although I'm used to that.

Chet Kincaid October 6, 2011 at 3:55 pm

You're up there where the Hulk starts turning gray-faced and falls off your jet!

James Michael Curley October 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Bout the same time they yanked the down thumb. By the way did I ever tell you what would happen when my grandfather asked me to yank his thumb?

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Geezus, and he's ugly as fucking sin. And claims he offered to suck the cop's dick because he was scared. Hmm … imagine the sexaytime fun and games you could have with that. C'mere, honey, I'll pretend to be a cop and scare you.

PalinzADummy October 6, 2011 at 10:28 pm

A Pastafarian, eh?

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