We, together with the rest of Middle Earth, are now some fifteen seconds away from never ever thinking about Sarah Palin’s toxic reign of idiocy ever again, forever! IT’S TRUE:Â on this, the 278th day of 2011, may we all remember it forever (the next twelve seconds), gangrenous grifter-quitter grandma Sarah Palin Announced She Is Not Running For President. That is very sad, because this news has interrupted our viewing of the Wall Street protests and instead forced us to pay attention to this horrible gas station-brand horrorporno movie star one (hopefully, we can hope, we are allowed to HOPE) final time. As a tribute, we will quote this line from an interview with former McCain adviser Nicole Wallace trying to shill her new political novel about idiots: “The idea of a mentally ill vice president who suffers in complete isolation was obviously sparked by the behaviors I witnessed by Sarah Palin.”
OH FINE and here is a little more from Nicole Wallace, because we do not feel like quoting any of the bullshit in Sarah Palin’s letter explaining why she is the most quittingest human being that has ever walked the soil:
Well, first let me just say that the novel is by no means meant to build a case against Sarah Palin. However, to the extent that the people around [the fictional vice president] Tara watched in this troubled state of confusion, despair and helplessness as she flailed around — that was something I experienced. Palin vacillated between extraordinary highs on the campaign stage — she ignited more enthusiasm than our side had seen at any other point — to debilitating lows. She was often withdrawn, uncommunicative and incapable of performing even the most basic tasks required of her job as McCain’s running mate.
SO THERE YOU HAVE IT. [ABC News/ TIME]
{ 414 comments }
Tomorrow's News headline:
CUNT CAN'T
1000 thumbs up!
On CNNTV, at least.
Or TWAT TAIN'T.
You deserve more upfists for this than you could possibly ever get, Barb.
She be insignifiCUNT. Who da gangsta Blingie spankin' it? Rice? Oh Hell yes!
Indeed!
SarahPAC of Lies
Now that she ain't running I hope the election commission makes sure the money is returned. Bankrupting her.
Sarah Palin's true path is from the wallets of supporters to her bank account. She mouths platitudes and waves flags to bilk well-meaning but misinformed Americans out of their hard earned money. She deserves no respect as she performs no meaningful service to the people. She desrves no further media attention until she has something of substance to add to the political conversation. The Palin Show has left town with the money of small town America which is left with only the memory of the carnival and the clowns who performed there.
On the other hand, they're giving their money to a meaningless candidate instead of someone vaguely credible. And that can't be all bad.
I dunno – Ron Paul getting 8 million in 3 months makes me very sad about America, for some reason.
Though – Rick Santorum and Michele Bachmann having money trouble is, I think, vaguely heart warming.
Sarah Palin was Chistoph Waltz's inspiration for his portrayal in Water for Elephants.
kinda like the Music Man but without the integrity (to ADMIT she's a con artist))
She sells surveyor's marks; gun-sight surveyor's marks. And, I don't know how she does it, but she lives like a queen. And when the grifter dances, what else, but the piper pays her. Yes, sir.
She makes Harold Hill look like a philanthropist.
Hell, she makes Benny Hill look like an intellectual.
And she makes Fanny Hill look like a nun.
She makes Spiro Agnew look like Abraham Lincoln.
Well said!!!
"In a related story, a person no one likes announced they didn't want a job they couldn't do and wouldn't get." – Dana Gould
And also too, this is one way she get's to hold onto that meme that she is Undefeated.
I get dibs on all the newspapers she will no longer read!
All of 'em, JackObin. All of 'em!
That's a lot of Weekly Readers.
I get dibs on all the newspapers she will no longer * pretend to * read!
* fixed *
"As always, my family comes first…………" (forget that her campaign slogan with McCain was "Country First")
That is unless they are sick, or in the hospital or need something while I am Tweeting, posting on Facebook, or traveling or sleeping or awake.
Shut the PAC down bitch and stop taking money now!
Or breaking my water while flying back to Anchorage.
i think its safe to say that all the men in her family cum first.
or having unprotected teenage sex upstairs
Abe said "Man you must be putting me on,
God said "No,
Abe said "What?
God said, "You can do what you want to but,
"Next time you see me coming you'd better run,
Abe said "Where you want this killing done?
God said "Out on highway 51.
Damn, the whole thing was running through my head, and I clicked on this.
She's shielding her family by dragging Todd on Greta last night. Grunting, monosyllabic, taciturn Todd.
I don't think she thinks anything she knows means what it does.
"She's shielding her family by dragging Todd on Greta last night."
This sounds awfully kinky.
I R now offishuly confoozled, Spanx.
You forgot the one where she went into labor and decided to give a political speech in Dallas, then fly home all the way to Anchorage, then drive to Wasilla in wanton disregard for her soon to be born child's health and safety.
Mother of the f'ing year, that one.
now she can spend more time to find college basketball players to fuck
And that's why she's not qualified to be president: she fucked a black man.
Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
So, no Michelle Obama presidency, I'm guessing?
Now she can spend more time with her r*tarded family, whoops, oh, my bad, too soon?
And, BTW, Ken, could you turn off the cyber cop censor for r*tarded? I'm sure Ford, Toyota, Verizon, Nordstrom, and Papa John's have forgotten about the whole TRIsomyG incident by now.
I tried posting the forbidden word earlier, and got spanked by the censor.
JIMMER!
Being POTUS is a lot of work.
Now she can see The Price is Right from her house.
She can't be held down with a title… I am hoping that she soon breaks the bonds of gravity as well
"do I need a title for this?…..
Being the President of the United States is NOT just a title. Second runner up is a "title" Your title should be Countess of Fifteen Minutes……
or countess of 'parlaying your 15 minutes of fame into a shrill shallow mean never-ending three fucking years'
Seriously Fuflans, do you think she will still try to collect money for her PAC? Can she do that legally?
no don't think so?
but she has been grifting for almost exactly three years now… three long years.
Yes, she will still collect the money for the rest of her life. She will say she is going to give it to other causes and candidates and she will *pay bills* with as much of it as possible. Newt Style.
Yes.
Just now she can no longer "donate" it to her "campaign"
Can hire people (read dim witted family members) to administrate the money.
I'm pretty sure she can because apparently SarahPac can be used for anything but Griftitia's own presidential campaign. And it can be used for her own personal expenditures (though she then might have to declare it as personal income; hence, slap the Constitushun on the side of the family vacation RV).
Check out her last filing; took in big bucks and on the last reporting day, gave $5000 each to 13 random politicians for a total of $65000 donated.
Anybody with half a brain (i.e., not her supporters) could see that the last couple of desperate money squeezing efforts by SarahPac were all the proof that anything more sentient than a flatworm needed, to know that she wasn't going to run.
a) If she were going to run, she would not want the last dollar her doltish cult followers could spare to go into a fund she couldn't tap for a campaign.
b) Trying to scoop up as much money as possible into SarahPac at the last minute meant two things; she wasn't going to run, and the reptile part of her brain (cerebral cortex in her case) realized she better get as much as she could before announcing she wouldn't run, because the grifter gravy train would be very likely to run right off the tracks as soon as her idiot flock realized she warn't gonna save 'em from the Scary Black Man after all.
…and don't forget the MILLIONS of $$$$ she stuffed in her pockets/ down her shirt while playing the ignorant Teatard *followers* for the fucking morons they are in the biggest con since the Music Man (hell at least the kids got instruments in that grift)
…and cute uniforms.
… you misspelled 'Cuntess".
This is bad news for the ear plug industry.
just dumped shares of all ear plug firms…
Nicole Wallace:
There certainly were discussions — not for long because of the arc the campaign took — but certainly there were discussions about whether, if they were to win, it would be appropriate for her to be sworn in.
"No."
End of discussion…
I always thought they killed off Nicole Wallace on L&O CI. Is there more than one?
This Nicole Wallace is the one who is writing a work of fiction, based on a psychotic female VP (the quote's from the TIME link.) Looking forward to that horror story…
Goren's former mentor cut Nicole Wallace's heart out and mailed it to him as a means of helping Goren get his mojo back, more or less, iirc. Nicole was best known for being murderously crazy and killing Goren's brother after doing the wild thing with him. Something along those lines.
The real Nicole Wallace, quoted above, isn't half as interesting.
I'm pretty sure the only person surprised by this announcement is $arah herself, and maybe her cadre of fellow morans.
We should go over to C4P and see if the wailing and beating of breasts has begun.
Oh its a mix but the majority are double downing in stupidity trying to explain why she's not running (most common is that she's getting t hreats to her family by the established GOPs). But then you read some like this one which make me feel like Cartman when he fed the bully his parents in chili :
breaking into parts cause this cant handle all characters
You TEASE! I must rush over there to see!
I think even her morons have jumped ship-as evidenced by the number of people that went to the theater to see her movie.
Our long national nightmare is….nope, probably still not over.
Where ever there is a ignorant 'bagger waiting to be inspired by racism and idiocy into giving up his money, she will be there.
She breathes profits; she eats the interest on money. If she don't get it, she dies the way you die without air, without side-meat.
Not as long as there's a nickel to be wrung out of some reactionary retard.
So where to go now for Dame Sarah? Yakky chat radio and Fox have no use for her, she has done the book thing to death, all the usual crap. Usually when starlets in Hollywood age out they grovel off to Playboy to do a "tasteful" photo spread, but Snowbilly Grifter is getting a little long in the tooth for that. I'm thinking reality TeeVee show or a fashion line out of one of the home shopping channels (clothing and accessories). After that I suppose infomercials for herbal hard on pills or sham wow stuff. Finally a long gig peddling Polident and Depends before they pack her up for the home for wayward governors.
Well, there is a growing market for MILF porn….
Mind, blown: Sarah loses her on-screen virginity to Lisa Ann.
#twincest
Hm…. add Ron Jeremy for Todd in a threesome and you're all set.
She wishes she was still a MILF. Bristol went and ruined all that.
Don't want to even think about GILF porn.
Well, she can become a regular on the Sarah Palin's Alaska Hair Salon Show. That's not the real name I can't bring myself to google it up.
wasn't that cancelled already?
Three words: Target. Clothing. Line.
K-Mart or Walmart. Target is too upscale for Caribou Barbie.
"Usually when starlets in Hollywood age out they grovel off to Playboy to do a "tasteful" photo spread, but Snowbilly Grifter is getting a little long in the tooth for that."
yeah but now we got Photoshop, so there's still HOPE right?
Didn't VF once photoshop GrammyGrifter's head onto some teen model's body?
So while my comrades are triumphing yet again on the streets of New York, the Snow Billy quits forever. Miracles do happen kids!
So did she quit quitting?
I read it as she quit before she even began?
So she's getting better.
Ah well, back to the trailer park she goes…
Bnah she will get a job at Fox tomorrow.
Except now she can buy the whole damn place thanks to her idiot fans.
well. now i guess we all know how it affects sarah palin.
From Roger Ailes' other anus (the one he talks out of):
“I hired Sarah Palin because she was hot and got ratings.”
(credit: Mock, Paper, Scissors)
~
She is so going to get replaced with a younger, hotter female now that her very reason for being on that network (i.e. teasing a run for the presidency) is over. This is how Ailes has always worked. Sarah Palin is so gone.
Noooooooooooo!
Run Sarah run!
We need the jokes.
Honey – have you seen who's running?? We won't be lacking for material.
Please run, Sarah, RUN!
away as fast as possible.
Why, it seems like only yesterday…
*sigh*
A prophet about a for-profit-prophet, profitting from morons seeking a prophet.
A regular Nostradamnedus, that guy.
Yes, we all loved her, before she opened her vile yap.
Much like children, cunts should be seen, not heard.
to be fair, she did look pretty cute in the snowsuit with the ice sculpture thingee.
and she hadn't opened her mouth.
You know who else probably thought the same thing before he shoved his big black salami in that mouth?
Justice Clarence Thomas day-dreaming in the middle of oral arguments in Citizens' United?
I see what you did there. Oral arguments, uh-huh.
Does this mean my mooning of the Wasilla Chamberpot of Commerce this summer was wasted?
I certainly hope it wasn't sober.
Extem, while that may seem a little harsh, behold, my intro to the Wonkettes. Please do enjoy the images while your party is reached.
I mean, we can still make fun of her, right?
Ah yes, I recall that very, ahem, special post all too well — I desecrated the godforsaken hell out of it.
The realization that the very first comment of mine you likely read was one linking to a crappy (it was my very first baby head transplant!) yet iconic representation of Sarah Palin's love for Ken Layne warms my CokkelNutz to no end, old friend.
So, does this mean the Pope is actually a really great guy?
I don't know about that, but he *does* shit in the woods.
Of course. But the question is, 'Does he stink?'
As far as Prada-rockin' Nazi pedophile protectors go, abso-fuckin'-lutely!
Well, what other demographic even matters, really?
The Rat.
Nowadays, whenever Ken has to write about her again, he cuts himself.
The Ken Layne biopic had the same ending as Colombiana.
THERE'S MY EXTEMPORANEOUS FIX!
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH . . . .
*gurrglegargarlllguhbblargggunhh…gulllpp*
Uhm, have you been eating a lot of pesto lately? And bike tires?
He has rued that woody every day since late August 2008.
What if Ken Layne and Sarah Palin actually planned this whole lucrative, mutually beneficial oroboros bukkake show from the very beginning?
DUN-dun-DUHHNNN!!
I remember first hearing about her on Craig Ferguson's late-night show. I remember when she was actually considered independent-minded and used the language of a moderate. When she got famous in 2008, she reverted to her most base instincts because that's what the mobs wanted.
The second I saw this beeatch in August '08, I thought PHONY. I haven't seen anything since to change my mind. Fuck off forever Sarah Palin. I hope you burn through your filthy lucre cash and Roger Ailes casts you off like a Watergate toilet flush. Right now, I worry about Riley and the young who care and have integrity and are being commandeered, unwiittingly, by the MSM and Föx.
You see, I remember he before that. Craig Ferguson had a running joke during the spring and/or summer about what a big crush he had on Sarah Palin (he says he like the naughty librarian vibe she gave off. lol), who was at the time a newly-minted governor no one down here knew shit about. Some months later she sent a personal video into the show making the Scott (then still in the process of becoming an American citizen) an honorary citizen of Alaska. In bestowing the honorary citizenship upon him she said:
Sigh. Yeah, she was a goof even then, but what innocent times those were.
You are giving her too much credit, she really is a non-thinking reactionist/opportunist. Remember, she encouraged Wasillan voters to think the Mayor she was running against was Jewish and that he and his wife had to show their marriage certificate to prove they were married.
I'd forgotten about that nasty little feces-flinging. Thanks for the reminder.
Oh, the humanity.
She never was going to run. She's a snowbilly grifter for pete's sake (talking to you, teabaggers.)
Now she can open a branch of "Bristol Meth".
Happiness is Sarah Palin in your rear view mirror. With your tire tracks across her body. Metaphorically speaking. Also.
Those are surveyor's tires.
Metheuphorically speaking.
/fixed
finally, I can say without snark: this is great news for John McCain!
But is it great news for Herman Cain too?
Cain's about to start diving in the polls soon, I reckon. What d'you think?
Yeah, give it another week tops and then its some other sucker's chance to be king of the hill for a week.
They're running out of suckers, though.
She might quit quitting and go back in. Her country needs her, for the lulz.
The grizzly bears in Denali are wailing – they thought they were rid of her and her grizzly slurs.
The idea of Snowbilly being methodically consumed by a silverback is strangely arousing.
Maybe we could convince her to go bow hunting for deer down on Kodiak Island and taking two trips to pack out the meat? Ownership of that second lift of meat is often open to debate, and good luck with that bow doing much more than aggravating the brownie.
yeah, no shit sherlock.
The. End….the Aristocrats.
She named her Sarah analogue "Tara"? That's the kind of creativity that helped McCain win the White House.
As god is her witness…
I'll think about that tomorrow…
Never gonna eat a root again.
Appropriate in my mind…. think "United States of Tara".
or Tara in ruins
I believe the President in her novel is "Sean McBain."
She won't run, but will be happy to fulfill the will of an armed forces coup that has "replaced the president' and asked her to serve as Leader.
Who?
Can we bring back Jack Stuef now?
Way back in my days at St. Mary's School, I could never quite grasp the concept of purgatory. Now, finally, I do.
Kirsten is better, so, no.
Yeah, I was never a big fan of neck beards.
Wait, Kirsten has a neck beard!?
Needs moar unfixed typos.
Best post on her Facebook page, for the moment: "I love you though i am literally crying at finding out this news and now terrified for our country. heck this country deserves what they get after what they have done to you"
Posted by LouSarah?
You betcha!
I, on the other hand, am literally laughing. Literally, as in guffaws and chuckles. What happens when you only figuratively cry, or cry in a non-literary sense?
What they have done to her is make her rich and famous. Which is all she ever wanted anyway.
Poor guy! Eat your feelings! Release the pork cracklin's!
This country deserves what it gets, and deserves to get it good and hard, too.
She and we are all Job less now. RIP Steve.
So sad. In many ways he was a horrible person, but also a genius, without doubt. And Evil Dick Cheney still walks the earth.
I don't understand her rush to judgment on this.
Yes! She could certainly Limbaugh lower now couldn't she?
Yeah, cause for a minute there I was really worried she might run.
Apparently, Steve Jobs couldn't take the strain. RIP, Steve.
THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!!
(R.I.P., Steve. And thank you for pushing Palin off the front page.)
As I posted later along, I think she will just quit again just so people will notice her.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Internet pageviews will plummet!!!! SELL SELL SELL!!!!
This is the bursting of the Internet 2.0 bubble!!!!!
Actually, I'd like to see the screen door smack her ass on the way out.
This is going to hurt her PAC donations…unless Romney is still the frontrunner in a few months and she can play coy about a 3rd party run for a few months.
The Unnatural Lawless Party.
I b'leev her myrmidons over at C4P have been laying the groundwork for this for some time now.
Oooo boy, imagine the cocaine-fueled rip-roarin' fights that are going to result as the Palins piss through all the $$ their cretinoid fans gave them only to realize the well is now dry.
My crystal ball shows Todd & Sarah bloated and blowsy in five years, looking a little bit like Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker near each of their respective ends.
"imagine the cocaine-fueled rip-roarin' fights"
I'm thinking meth-fueled because a) cocaine is way too glamourous and classy for the Palins; it's like attributing Dom Perignon to a Thunderbird drinker, and b) with the meth lab right next door at Levi's mother's shack, you just can't beat the convenience.
No, because Tammy Faye Bakker had dignity.
when i first heard this on the radio, i physically braced myself to hear that voice again.
not only did it not come, i realized i will be hearing it less and less and less and…
blessed blessed day.
May the Alaskunt now become an obscure footnote, as vanished from the public sphere as Tim Pawlenty. The jowls, the sagging boobs and butt — they're just not going to be marketable anymore.
Happy for the country, unhappy due to the loss of this joke creator.
Steve Jobs has passed away. I am waiting for Sarah to Tweet that Obama has "killed more Jobs." because she has no fucking clue who he is.
Why is that fat-ass Christie getting so much attention? I can declare I'm not running, too! LOOK AT ME!!!
That was the first thing I thought when I heard.
The only thing *not* utterly predictable about this post was Kirsten's use of "gangrenous." Mmmm… That must explain why the news tastes so piquant going down.
Trust me on this M, the smell of gas gangrene can permeate the whole floor of a hospital, and yet it's sickly sweet.
I guess she just decided this very day, because she sent out a fundraising letter just a few weeks ago begging her moronic supporters for more $$ while she mulled over this monumentally important decision. Now, she wouldn't take money from slavering idiots under false pretenses, WOULD she??
What next, I wonder? A cooking show on TLC where we watch her barbecue animals she's recently slaughtered, and then feed them to her Poorly Named offspring?
She's robbing the Churches to pay Palin, that's all good with me.
L RON HUBBARD LIBEL!!!
Perhaps the results of that mendicant letter told her all she needed to know.
And now that she knows, I think she should return the three or four bucks the suckers sent her.
Her crazy, slavish followers have convinced themselves that Something Bad happened between the time Bigmouth Bristle said GrifterGranny had made up her mind and this announcement. They're treating Sarah as a martyr right now. Lefties probably threatened to eviscerate Granny's entire brood unless she stepped out, or some such bs. Soon she'll be like Newt: she'll have a small core willing to shell out the bucks and periodically, she'll get on TV and make some bullshit statements.
She can still run on a third party ticket…
You don't go, girl!
and she gon't.
You GONE, girl!
Amanda Knox , however……
Sadder and more important news than anything about this twat – Steve Jobs died at 56. I was not a big Apple fan, but always a big Jobs fan – what an amazing guy!
Gah, she'll be so pissed at Steve Jobs for stepping on her big day of quitting. Apple has a liberal bias!
we're all posting the same sentiment…
Walked out on his first child. Never gave a dime to charity, screwed over Wozniak, yeah, "awesome guy". I am really loathing the next few days.
I know I should have been more accurate… I said amazing though, not awesome – and not nice! Not really someone I'd look up to. But still fascinating and bigger news than queen sarah….
I don't know that it's true he never gave to charity, do you? As with many things in his life, he maybe wasn't a publicity-whore about it.
He actually had a deep rooted aversion to giving to charity for some reason. I would look up the article but I don't really care. I think it was called 10 things you didn't know about Steve Jobs, written by a smitten fan boy. After reading the list almost all of the comments were "wow, sounds like a douche bag".
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-altucher/stev...
Here's the full scoop on Jobs and giving. Apple doesn't give away money. Jobs' wife sits on a non-profit board, so they likely have contributed (non- profit boards exist to raise money, so you do not join one without paying up). On the other side of things, there's no record of Apple PAC- ing up to fuck the public, either, other than giving a pittance to stop the anti-gay-marriage CA proposition.
http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2011/08/29/the-myster...
"Walked out on his first child. Never gave a dime to charity, screwed over Wozniak"
Meh.
Silly Sarah is a terrible mother; the idea of her giving a dime to anyone other than her petty, greedy, narcissistic, entitled self makes me snort with laughter; and she pretty much screwed over McCain by running his campaign into the ground and making him a laughingstock/persona non grata for inflicting her on us all.
At least Steve Jobs had a brain in his head and did a few honest days worth of work.
And gave us all things of enduring aesthetic beauty (even if the disposal thereof fucks up the world), and created things. He worked, he made beautiful things, he changed our lives. Also, he could be an asshole. But he changed the whole world. In a (mostly) good way.
She said she decided not to run after "much prayer."
Does the prove there is a God?
Aw, poor Teabag-Americans. Did they run out of grifter tribute, because nobody seems to like them much anymore.
Maybe they'll piss on the Romney Stiff Robot Parade in the grand embittered PUMA style.
Is it merely a coincidence that Palinman's web site seems to have quit too?
That fuck is crying a Scioto river.
And she announced on the Mark Levin show. Did she only want insane righties to know?
Come to think about it, are we sure this is just not a fake out, so she can then quit quitting, and run, only to quit again?
More importantly, if she doesn't run, how does she expect to get her other daughters knocked up so they can make money?
The knocking up will take care of itself. You know that.
Holy shit, Steve Jobs stole Sarah's thunder… FROM THE GRAVE.
If I believed in a God, I'd put it down to his sense of humor.
Blasphemous rumour!
God libel!
I let myself be swayed by the spellchecker to spell humour without the u, yet you're replied with rumour with the correct spelling. So well done on showing me up, you win British citizenship!
"you win British citizenship"
{SOB}… If only…
So, all those draft dodgers who headed for Canada – what was the secret to earning money without "papers" once you got up there?
i just can't get enough…depeche mode references.
You know, given all the shit that's been happening to the RWNJs lately, I'm almost willing to concede the possibility of God, where God = superhuman intelligence + omnipotence + wicked sense of humour + no other interest whatsoever in humans beyond possibility of snark.
Then, of course, Steve Jobs had to die, so everyone will have to compare someone that actually did something that made this world better to a person who is best known for quitting and scamming idiots for every dollar they have.
Hell, she might have to quit again just to get noticed.
I do wish their roles had been reversed today, and Steve was the one who quit…
I like to think that Steve has been archived.
And will be rolled out in a 2.0 once they fix some of the bugs in the code.
Happy grifting! It will get tougher now that you've confessed you're not their savior!
She did no such thing. She's just thinking about different ways to be their savior. And in order to help her figure out what her next step will be, she recommends contributions to the S.O.S (Save our Sarah) foundation.
Believe it or don't, she's already asking for more $$$. The gall!
Sarah's just biding her time. Look for Palin 2016 bumperstickers.
Someone needs to find her old teevee reporting work and post it here. If that Blingee is any indication, it was horrible, in a big hair/80's sense.
Really not that hard to find.
Small town TV gigs are pretty crappy, somewhat like piloting commuter/connector planes: the employer knows the gig has a patina of glamour, so they can pay shit wages. I had a temp gig in Fargo assembling equipment for the sugar beet harvest, and a co-worker's girlfriend was the roommate of the weekend weather girl.
Steve Jobs you magnificent bastard thank you for taking her out of the news.
Yes, as I saw noted elsewhere, she only said she will not seek the "GOP nomination for President in 2012". This does not preclude a) a third-party candidacy, b) a run in 2016 or c) begging to be made Vice Pres. nominee again.
Cain-Palin 2012: Black on top.
Winning the crucial Adult Video News endorsement.
(Actually, I gag imagining that.)
Don't worry.
Ron Jeremy himself couldn't keep it up in the presence of that screeching harpy voice.
Actually, she specifically ruled out a third-party run "because it will get Obama elected." Clearly, she's angling for SOMEthing, since she couldn't give a shit what happens to Obama as long as she can keep the millions rolling in.
But the tears of the C4P losers are delicious, oysterlike and briny.
This is bad news for Andrew Sullivan.
Andrew said it best comparing Jobs to Cuntcant. Yes it will pain her….
"It's a fitting comparison: achievement versus resentment, creativity versus narcissism, hope versus fear. I know which one will get the bigger headlines tomorrow. And there is some comfort in knowing it will pain her."
Holy crap, that woogy eye in the photo makes Snowbilly look like Victoria Jackson. Too many shots to the head?
Donkey punch.
This news actually made my day. Maybe I should get out more.
Please, it is the best news this country has had since the killing of Osama bin Laden. Celebrate!
Finally, a death panel we can all approve of.
I would imagine she and Tawd will be splitting up so she can hoover up whatever money hasn't been pissed away and she may wind up in the lower 48 popping up from time to time. I just don't see her voluntarily staying out of a spotlight, any spotlight, for too long. I see Bravo or something similar doing a reality show (this time with the producers doing the edits and making the calls on what gets shown or not) with the children sniping from behind (except Trig, the one innocent in the bunch) and running for a season until people come to the conclusion that she and her brood just aren't that damned exceptional. Either that or a line of $arah Cosmetics or fashions on HSN. In any case no one should ever stand between that woman and a camera, she will charge you line a bison to clear the shot.
that's what national enquirer said last week.
i get all my news from wonkette and the national enquirer.
Would you like a job as promotions director at my firm?
Where is your grifter hero now?
You rang?
Too perfect.
Gospel libel!
T
well steve jobs just died. that pretty much knocks snowbilly grifter out of the picture.
Hopefully now she does the Jack Kemp Memorial Failed VP Candidate Fade Into Obscurity, and then follows his example all the way to its logical conclusion.
I also remember where I was the day Kurt Cobain died.
I remember the "big-time" Nirvana fan in my seventh period English class at Frank Lloyd Wright Middle School wrote NERVANA on his arm.
A few years later, I learned he was gay and one of the best gay friends of My Nemesis's fag-hag ex-girlfriend. So, he prolly stopped being a Nirvana fan and only listens to Erasure to this very day.
"I remember the "big-time" Nirvana fan in my seventh period English class at Frank Lloyd Wright Middle School wrote NERVANA on his arm. "
Well, at least it wasn't a tattoo.
You know who else was best known for quitting?
Mary Decker Slaney?
Johnny Paycheck?
Betty Ford?
Magic Johnson!!!
Brett Farve?
Hey, wait just one goddamn minute. You can't throw out a "who else" bid for p and then just cold answer it yourself!
There's a protocol to these things you know. It's just not cricket.
Steve Jobs
(too soon?)
Hitler?
ESPN?
Jack Paar?
Nixon?
Flanders?
Juan Williams?
The Far Side Guy?
Grace Kelly?
REM?
Steve's Livers?
Too soon.
Not soon enough, evidently.
Edward VIII subsequently Duke of Windsor?
Richard Milhorse Nixon? (with apologies to Archie Bunker)
McLean Stevenson? Too soon?
Oh, I know this one, this time, and it is so Hitler.
Berkeley Breathed?
Damn you, Breathed!
Bill Watterson?
Dave Chappelle?
I so wish he was still around, and I mean regularly. He went and pulled a Lauryn Hill.
I know. (sniff!) I console myself with the thought that he has the right to do what makes him happy, even if he's denying me the glorious fruits of his bitter, sarky, comic genius.
At least we got two solid seasons of Chapell Show. And if you want good, funny reflections on race relations, go get the Boondocks on DVD.
Sarah just posted a Tweet that links to Youtube (she got it wrong the first time, techno savvy bitch that she is) It's a video of her, Reagan, signs from Sarah PAC, Reagan, The Undefeated, Reagan……
The comments for it have been "disabled" What a thin skinned dick she is.
So in this century women's rights have advanced to the point where an Alaskunt can be a dick. Gotta love it.
Phallus Libel!
True equality, at last.
OMG, I so want her BUS!!!11!!1
It may be available very soon.
OT: walking home from the train through my southeast side Chicago neighborhood, I saw the iconic 70s photo of the Two Steves on the TV in a nail salon. Knew that was a bad sign, and a quick check of my iPhone confirmed Jobs is gone. Sucks.
Sad day, indeed. On the plus side, however, as several Wonketeerz have pointed out, he pushed the SnowbillyGrifter right off the front page.
Publicity whore upstaged by Apple visionary. Wonder how Sarah's taking it
I, for one, will not miss the grifter overlord.
How appropriate that this news will be drowned out by the death of Steve Jobs.
Drowned is right; I saw 3 FB posts and got an YIM from an old co-worker within 20 seconds of the nooz hitting the intertubes! Oh well, the old cunt was never much for timing (I mean Sarah, of course).
". I believe that at this time I can be more effective in a decisive role to help elect other true public servants to office – from the nation’s governors to Congressional seats and the Presidency"
She's not running for President because she'd be more effective getting someone to be the President instead of actually being the President.
Either that, or she means she's becoming a community organizer.
Our Alaska princess looks cross-eyed, in that picture. Is that what the glasses are for? To correct her strabismus ?
See, even her EYE is lazy.
Quitters quit.
I actually read her stupid letter. Because she came out and said she will work to not re-elect Mr. Obama, will Fox finally let her go?
Her Fox role was never clear – what other "news" organization interviews its own employees and pretends its news? And that she actually had something to say.
Goodbye to Duh Guv'Nor! Fifteen minutes never seemed so long…
Your move, Charles Manson.
I could see her quitting from my house, and I wasn't even home.
now sarah's being upstaged on bbc by OWS.
You know she is just prepositioning herself to run on a third party teatard ticket. She knows she can't win, but it will help her financially, and she can't stand the idea of being shut out of big game. She will argue her way into at least some of the debates, and sell lots of her crappy books. Take that One-L!
This is good news for Michele Bachmann. Apologies if that has already been posted.
But it is.
To be fair, Michelle Bachmann is bad news for Michelle Bachmann.
Crazy is as crazy dies.
http://governorpalin4president.blogspot.com/
Friends, neighbour countrymen, lend me your ears.
Ignorant. Stupid. Worthless. Milfy in a backwoods kind of way. Quitter.
Those are words to describe the better qualities of Sarah Palin.
I have come not to dance on Sarah Palin's 2012 political grave… who the fuck am I kidding??!?
And we were so looking forward to moving to Canada.
That fire in the belly must have been a bad Crunch Wrap Supreme.
Well, she couldn't run for preznit since she f*cked a n*gger!!!!1111
So, I guess it follows that Michelle Obama won't be able to run for president?
You forget that Barack is HALF-WHITE!!
Anybody out there still believe anything this hustler says? For the next year, she will be yammering about all the usual crap and whining that the Republicans may lose to that fiend Obama. Then, back in the race as the Amazon savior of the Republic, without having to spend any millions on campaigning. Meanwhile, she writes another coloring book. Also, Katie.
I so hope you are right. A third party run would make an Obama re-election a done deal.
With Romney at the top of the ticket and the teatards in full psycho mode, I would say that this is almost inevitable. It could come from Ron Paul, in which case it would not be quite as harmful to the GOP, but more likely from one of the fascists such as SP or MB.
I don't know, man. I don't know if Big Money will tolerate such a fracture, and they have the money if things start looking that way to buy the teabaggers back in line, or at least that is the conventional wisdom.
There is no way they are going to let the money they've spent demonizing the president for three fucking years straight be blown on some kind of party purification process.
Michele's too crazy to do it. She might want to, but her mental health seems pretty fragile, and she looks like she's already strung out on pills. (I suspect she has a drug problem like Rush's — you just don't stumble THAT regularly without some help). Sarah has supposedly ruled it out. But a third-party run is what her supporters want, and even though they're less than 30% of the teabagnuts out there, they might just be able to pressure her into this.
Which would be tasty and sweet. We get to savour their tears a second time.
She told Mark Levin yesterday no third-party bid, for that very reason.
What a cruel griftress. The griftmother keeps breaking my heart.
That said, there is no way in hell that she won't attempt to pry defeat from the jaws of victory. She just can't help herself. She'll end up endorsing someone purely out of spite, damaging whomever the frontrunner happens to be.
Well, at least this is my dream and a man can dream, can't he? I just don't know if she has to discipline to every bow out of anything gracefully.
I think that as 2012 plays out, it will be revealed that none of these idiots (Palin, Bachmann, Cain, etc.) have as much influence and power as the Ailes and Kochs intended, planned and paid for.
Poor Sarah, she worked on the timing so hard. Give Christie a couple news cycles and then jump in.
By the 'Breaking News Alerts" from the times, that cycle lasted only 1 hour 22 minutes before 'Steve Jobs Dead at 56"
Steve Jobs, making the world a better place even in death.
It's rotten of me to admit it, I know, but I enjoyed this SO much.
Nicole Wallace says in the interview that people can't see themselves playing a game of Yahtzee with President Obama. Maybe SHE can't see herself sitting down with President Obama for a family game night, but it's totally within my realm of believability for him. It's probably because she sees herself more as sitting down with her President for a night of Toga Party or eating liberal babies.
BAILED LIBEL!
Hallelujah! Free at last, free at last; thank god almighty we're free at last! Now, we just have to remain forever vigilant of her trying to stick her blood funnel back into us.
This has got to have been one of the longest cock-teases in American political history. She spent three years teasing a run, and for her not to run means she's kind of destroyed her chances forever.
We really need a priest to bless the American exorcism of Sarah Palin. We have to seal this wicked circle. Salt the earth. Something.
How's that roguey-mavericky thing workin' for you?
Bitch, pleaze. Crawl back under the iceberg from wence your trashy ass came, you good-for-nothing, god-forsaken succubus.
I don't know exactly why this is, but I have the distinct feeling that you don't care for Sarah.
Oh heavens, there's a Children's Treasury of Despair on display over in Freeperville, e.g.,
–We're done. Stick a fork in it. I can't believe Palin would do this to America.
–the country’s dead. I’m not even 40 and the USA is dead.
–This country is through. It’s all over.
–This was the worst decision she could have made……I am crushed beyond belief and wonder what they threatened her with to get her out, she was always running and we all knew it.
And my fave so far:
–The only person who loves Sarah more than me is Todd
Is it possible to laugh, retch, and slit your wrists all at the same time? Wonkette should come with warning labels.
You'd slit your wrists over these dumb fucks?
The schaden, it freudes itself.
So, does this "America is over" stuff mean they're gonna start shootin' liberals now, or emigrate to someplace more in keeping with their values, like, say, mid-1970s Chile?
Actually, from the looks of it the bulk are saying, and I quote, "I'm on the Cain Train now!" There is, indeed, a cornucopia of schaden to be had over there.
"So, does this "America is over" stuff mean"
It means they can still fap to Lou Sarah herself, but can no longer fap to the thought of…
I can't even type it…
You-Know-Who for Preznit.
"–The only person who loves Sarah more than me is Todd"
And the only person who loves Sarah even more than Todd is Sarah.
–The only person who loves Sarah more than me is Todd
And Glenn Rice also too.
–the country’s dead. I’m not even 40 and the USA is dead.
–This country is through. It’s all over. "
Coincidentally enough, that was pretty much what I felt when the drunk cokehead stole two Presidential elections.
The only person who loves Sarah more than *I* is Todd. I, I, I!
Speaking of "I" the reason why Sarah can't come up with a plan is because there is no "I" in that mix of words (hint: Palin)
In a darkened room in Iowa, a hillbilly hard-on has lost its will to be turgid.
This is good news for Michele Bachman.
What's she going to do now, try and find a job? What til she finds out sending snotty twitter messages isn't a marketable skill.
Bipolar libel!!!1111!!!!
I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of teabaggers suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced…
I'd say that "wizard's just a crazy old" woman, but that would be a false equivalency.
"millions of teabaggers suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced…"
"Silenced'?
We can only hope.
Yeah, wishful thinking, huh?
So, is she going to be a full-time fap target now, or what? She'd better hurry up, if that's the plan. Trash like her tends not to age well.
Have you seen her lately? Looks like Sherwin Williams does her make-up.
OT, but not entirely, in that it concerns someone who was the political, social, and moral antithesis of Snowbilly: Civil Rights movement giant Fred Shuttlesworth, a human being whose merits Sarah Palin is genetically incapable of appreciating, passed away today at the age of 89. All Things Considered ran a nice long remembrance of Rev. Shuttlesworth tonight. Made me want to go re-watch Eyes On the Prize yet again.
Gotta like a man who challenged Martin Luther King to kick things up a notch.
(And apologies for crossposting here and the Steve Jobs thread…but damn, I admired this man…EDIT: Sigh–OK, my admiration is of course tempered by the reminder that Shuttlesworth opposed equal rights for gays, and rejected the idea that the Civil Rights movement and gay rights movement were morally equivalent. I'm inclined to give him a bit of a pass on the basis of his age and his Southernness…but yes, that was a huge moral failing on his part)
Not to worry, her pussy will always be running….and seeping…….and dripping. Them Palin girls sure do like 'em some dick!
The Quitting To End All Quitting.
"You won't have Palin to kick around any more."
Would you buy a used bus from this woman?
I want my money back.
NIcolle Wallace's new children's book: "Sarah, Plain Stoopid And All".
Now bring on the Palin/Rice sex tape!!!
a cassette? Probably Foreigner's Greatest Hits.
Ewwww, my first image was of Condi, not Glen, with Sarah. I hope I have some brain bleach in my cubicle somewhere.
One is an expert on the Soviet Union, the other can see Russia from her house, but put together, they're a brilliant nesting doll.
Trust this: We won't be rid of her. But at least it won't be on Fox.
God damn, she quit before she even got started this time.
The Emperor gives Palin's political eulogy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yytbDZrw1jc
This reminds me…I saw that "The Undefeated" was out on DVD yesterday, paired with an audiobook of "Going Rogue".
Apparently, Palin went on television to explain that she was not trying to get attention. I am sure there is a joke there in the soul-crushing stupidity of the situation.
Or that in saying she made this decision to shield her family from the media spotlilght, she tried to drag that taciturn jackbooted thug Todd on camera with her to agree they did this for family.
OT: But, |||Michigan is sending a small group of reinforcements down to occupied Wall Street:
Thank you, UAW.
Hey Glen Rice, her calender is wide open (among other things).
Quick Pop Quiz:
Is Sarah Palin:
a. Crazy
b. Pretending to be crazy
c. All of 'em, Katie!
Ken you should publish a Children's Treasury of all of the Wonkette Lou Sarah postings. A possible title is Going Loogie. This could be the must have gift for the upcoming holiday season.
Alternate title: "Going to Throw-up".
She's going away, eh? Sure thing. Just like when we die we go to this wonderful place called Big Rock Candy Mountain where cigarettes grow on trees and pure sweet alcohol bubbles up out of the ground in crystal pure springs. Yeah, everything's gonna be so fucking great from here on out.
Bullshit. She's gonna be screeching in our ears for the rest of our fucking lives! And if you think she's not going to be screeching in our fucking ears and helping to consign us all to penury and oblivion for the rest of our fucking lives, you're a fucking child!!!
That cunt.
Uber cunt.
Peace… God bless…
Needs moar self-immolation.
NPR cruelly spoke with a local Sarah campaign volunteer this morning. It was funny to hear him flap about his disappointment and lack of understanding.
Still breaking hearts, you are, Sarah.
"It was funny to hear him flap about his disappointment and lack of understanding."
Lack of understanding must be a daily, if not hourly, occurrence in the lives of these folks.
meh
Imagine-
There were probably people actually crying when this "news" broke.
That gives me a warm little glow inside, like sunshine in my tummy.
Maybe Monday Night Football can make amends with Tea Party Nation by hiring Sarah to replace Randall Williams. She could do a flute intro, while Bristol does a little dance in the background wearing a Martha Washington costume. Maybe include Todd and Glenn Rice in the bit for maximum oomph.
Really, I should be a professional TV-entertainment-making-guy. Full of great ideas, me.
I didn't see a TV report of our dear Sarah's last speech as I was walking the neighborhood for our local candidates. Was it as disjointed and illiterate as others or did she find someone to write it for her? I imagine as soon as she asked a speech writer to do another 'quitting the campaign' speech he/she hopped aboard the rapidly departing gravy train.
Howdy, Mayor.
"I can be more effective in a decisive role to help elect other true public servants to office – from the nation’s governors to Congressional seats and the Presidency."
Yeah, it was certainly a clean sweep for all the candidates you endorsed last year.
Semi-OT. I had a couple drinks with my attorney last night, he's one of those rare "reasonable" Republicans. He told me he was voting for Obama next year. But don't tell anyone!!
OK but did he charge you for the opinion?
Nah, he's a good-guy. Specializes in equine law (horse sperm rights and such). He's actually the horse attorney for the Crown Prince of Dubai. But he did my will, too. I did buy him a glass of wine, though.
I bet she's pissed that Steve Jobs died and stole all her thunder.
People on other blogs are really running with that theme. Her big fat stupid announcement lasted about 5 minutes before the sad breaking news about an actually incredible person who contributed immensely to the world jostled aside her meaningless announcement that she wasn't going to do what no one wanted her to do anyway.
She's quitting because she just now found out that Cain is a black guy, and she's pissed-off that throughout the entire campaign, he fooled her that he was a jowly, bad-tempered old white guy.
"She was often withdrawn, uncommunicative and incapable of performing even the most basic tasks required of her job as McCain’s running mate."
To be fair, cardiac resuscitation can get complicated in the profoundly old patient.
Wow. I'm going back through some old Wonkette posts and I got to this one. Who was this "Sarah Palin" person, again?
10:14 EDT…looks like Wonkette Jr. threw a dick-in-the-mashed-potatoes type of party last night.
I got mad hits like I was Rod Carew too.
She is angling for the veep spot once her buddy, Herb Cain, gets the nomination. See, they don't even need to print new bumper stickers, a quick snip of the old freedom scissors and you've got Cain/Palin, ready to go.
He really IS the black Walnuts!
Ooh! Good one, especially because they could also recycle the McCain/Palin slogan, on those bumper stickers, by just blacking out the "o" and the "ry". Though I guess it would make more sense if Palin were at the top of the ticket.
[Edit: I hate "that word", and try not to use it, though it's apparently de rigueur on Wonkette. But I couldn't help myself this time. Human weakness.]
I see I have a new use for my sharpie in local parking lots….
And don't think of it in the anatomical sense, more in the British sense, kinda like jerk.
Is ANYONE surprised by this? Anyone? Bueller?
"She was often …incapable of performing even the most basic tasks"
That ought to go on the bitches headstone…
I've been thinking of suing McCain for putting me through this ordeal since 2008…
Make it a class action. Count me in.
If you win, you can buy McCain a used A-series attack bomber and a new flight suit and hope the fourth time is the charm.
"if I say no to the opportunity that's in front of me via running for office now, will —
politicalgrifter speaking, will I die?" — fixedI'd say her concerns are well founded.
And also too again I have to ask. . .who the fuck talks like this? And gets paid for it?
Damn it!
Nitwit. Blubber. Oddment. Tweak.
She is forming a new political party: The Tease Party.
I did! I've been peeking at SLOG a couple of times this afternoon.
Huh, so you can protest but you can't put up a tent? I'm going to be downtown tomorrow morning, hopefully I'll have time to swing by and donate to their coffee fund or something. Or is funding our local mega-coffee-corporation kinda missing the point?
Being college edumacated.
Is Nikki Haley busy next week?
I had no idea that the GOP was capable of running out of fools.
"so you can protest but you can't put up a tent?"
Really, isn't that an awfully personal question?
She's s'posed to be Governessing. Or grading report cards. Or something, god only knows what that useless cobag does.
#3, the Larch.
The Larch.
I do not wanna hear about Teh Barracuda's kinkmeisterin ways.
Thank you. The man was a lot of things, and a lot of them weren't very "nice" on a personal level (the helipad, the royal attitude, the parking lot), but hey, he's a fucking shitload better than Bill Gates (die, die, you Windoze-creating SWINE), Larry Ellison, Mark Zuckerberg, or pretty much anyone else you could name in the SillyValley.
!!???!!*%!
Excellent point. But they won't taste or feel quite as satisfying as THIS fool. (Newt Gingrich, ugh.)
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