sex games gone awry

Nikki Haley Will Fix Stuff Right After Finishing These Fake Report Cards

But she gets an South Carolina governor Nikki Haley — last seen demanding full cooperation from her miserable state employees’ souls with a demented Orwellian decree that they answer their office phones cheerfully or else — has very few actual ideas about how to improve the nosebleed-inducing altitude of the state’s unemployment rate, so she’s trying some role-play with legislators to …eh, pass the time, mostly. In today’s stupid fantasy-turned-policy scenario, she is the Embittered School Marm who issues “report cards” to all state lawmakers grading them according to how much they annoy her. Most Democrats got an “F,” for “fuckers,” and Republicans mostly got A or B grades and, notably, not a single F. Kinky?!

The Columbia Free-Times has the gross details on this bizarre sex scheme:

Haley graded lawmakers by how they voted on such legislation as on-the-record voting, tort reform, government restructuring and whether or not they’d sustained her vetoes, among other votes. The outcome was predictable and fell along partisan lines.

All of the Fs Haley awarded to members of the Senate, for instance, went to Democrats, including her 2010 gubernatorial rival Vincent Sheheen of Camden. Williamsburg County Democrat Yancey McGill got an A. Incidentally, McGill was the only Democrat to stick up for Republican Lt. Gov. Ken Ard during his ethics troubles.

So what do the “A” grade-winners get? A gentle spanking from Mark Sanford, wherever that weirdo is? A free licking from a Craigslist rent-boy? WHAT WILL IT BE, because there must be a reward, or this is pointless.

And here is the only winning quote we would give an “A” to in this dumb tale of tragedy:

Fairfield Democratic Rep. Boyd Brown had a contentious relationship with Haley throughout the legislative session. He had even been turned away at a summer pool party held at the Governor’s Mansion that lawmakers had been invited to attend.

So, naturally, Brown might not have been surprised when he received an F on his report card from the governor. But speaking to Free Times, he didn’t hold back.

“She’s been busy F-ing the rest of the state,” he said. “I’m not surprised that she F-ed me.”

The voters of South Carolina also kind of agree! Haley’s approval ratings have been slipping the last few months, which earns her a public grade of “you suck.” [Free-Times]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • metamarcisf

    May an unclean yak leave a gift in her galoshes.

    • PalinzADummy

      Ah b'leev that would be her older child, Giftin'.

  • nounverb911

    So that's how she graduated from Bamberg High.

    • mookwrthwilson

      It's very sad that she is from the same place as my avatar and namesake…very sad…

      • PalinzADummy

        Well, it sure as hell ain't HIS fault!

    • DaRooster

      "Bam" is probably how she graduated…

      • PalinzADummy

        Is that the kinda "Bam" that comes after a "Wham" and before a "Thank you"?

        • horsedreamer_1

          I thought it meant she plied the school superintendent with cocaine.

          • PalinzADummy

            You kidz with your drug-related hip slangs.

  • Cat_Damon

    “She’s been busy F-ing the rest of the state,” he said. “I’m not surprised that she F-ed me.”

    AWESOME.

    • powersuit

      It's a beautiful day to be Boyd Brown!

    • HipHop0Potamus

      I'd F Boyd Brown after that comment.

    • Sue4466

      Fairfield Democratic Rep. Boyd Brown. Hero!

    • Barrelhse

      A regular nymphomaniac, ain't she?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Hell, if I'd have met her in a bar some night, not knowing who she is, I'd have probably F-ed her.

        • PalinzADummy

          Srsly? Not too bony in the ass and krayZ in the eyes?

        • Fare la Volpe

          The best part is that she looks like white meat but tastes like dark meat.

          …I'll go sit in the corner.

          • PalinzADummy

            I'll go witchu. I was thinking it, you said it.

          • horsedreamer_1

            She can curry my favor.

    • emmelemm

      My hero! {swoon}

      (Seriously.)

  • Barb

    "He had even been turned away at a summer pool party held at the Governor’s Mansion…."
    Yeah, it's one thing to pee in the pool and yet another to do it from the high dive. BANNED!

    • An_Outhouse

      I can't imagine wanting to go that bitch's house even if I was invited. What was he thinking?

      • MOG2410

        Free booze?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Maybe he wanted to leave a "Baby Ruth" in the pool.

        • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

          You Spacklered my Caddyshack ref!
          ~

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Actually, I think you beat me by a minute, but I hadn't got that far down the page when I crapped in your swimming pool.

          • gullywompr

            Wrong movie. Clearly he wanted to go because he heard Nikki would be climbing up the pool ladder to the tune of "Moving in Stereo".

            "Hi Boyd. You know I always thought you were cute!"

            Then she F-ed him.

          • AJWjr.

            Does the pool have 3 diving boards? Can't perform a Triple Lindy without 3 boards.

      • littlebigdaddy

        Cabana boyz!

      • Native_of_SL_UT

        He was thinking about F'n.

  • nounverb911

    The last good thing to come out of South Carolina was Brett Gardner.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    As I recall, Gov. Haley liked to F alot.

    • Sassomatic

      Whoa whoa whoa. Bestiality, too?

    • horsedreamer_1

      She likes chunky bloggers, which is, of course, good news… For Jack Steuf.

  • SorosBot

    Are we sure Darling Nikki is a grown woman and not a 12-year-old girl?

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Conservative women seem emotionally and intellectually stunted, and cast as real-life Heathers.

      • SorosBot

        She fakes just like a woman
        Yes, she does, she makes love just like a woman
        Yes, she does, and she aches just like a woman
        But she governs the state of South Carolina just like a little girl

    • ProgressiveInga

      No.

    • DahBoner

      Yes, and shouldn't she have a red dot on her forehead???

      • PalinzADummy

        Nope. That just makes it easier for crackpots to draw a bead.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Just because she writes all of her political positions out first on her Pee-Chee with litttle hearts besides them….

    • stew1

      I knew a girl name Nikki, I guess you could say she was a sex fiend
      I met her in the hotel lobby masturbating with magazines.

      That brings back memories (the song, I mean).

  • Callyson

    Orwellian decree that they answer their office phones cheerfully or else
    "It's a beautiful fucking day in South Carolina, how may I help you?"
    Say it with a smile…

    • Barrelhse

      "It's beautiful. Just. Fucking. Beautiful."

    • comrad_darkness

      "It's a beautiful day in South Carolina. In fact, I'd give it an F. An Effing day in South Carolina. How may I help you?"

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Ah, South Carolina, Arizona thanks you for taking some of the light off of its stupidity.

  • Callyson

    Also: why won't Nikki Haley release her transcripts?
    Long form!

    • nounverb911

      And her marriage certificate.

    • PalinzADummy

      What transcripts? Although she supposedly attended college, there's no record of her graduating. Although her degree is in accountancy, she is not a licensed accountant. She has never held a real job — her only "job" of record was her employment at her parents' business, where she *routinely* filed their taxes LATE, thereby making them liable for penalties. She claimed to be a small business owner in her campaign, yet she's never owned or run a business. And she has ALWAYS filed her own personal taxes late. Someone ought to examine her finances. Her income tax returns are not consistent with her VERY expensive (for her state) house, her huge, expensive car, and her lifestyle.

      • horsedreamer_1

        She's head of a pyramid ashram scheme.

  • deleted1797764

    I wonder if Michele Bachman was at that pool party? Those 2 seem like they would be besties.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I got an F in P.E. and Study Hall.

    • MOG2410

      I only got F'd in the parking lot.

    • ProgressiveInga

      I got F'd up every day before band practice. Holla!

      • DaRooster

        I was told before our Bio final by this girl that used to copy from me,"I studied for 3 hours last night."
        I replied,"I just studied for 3 beers in the parking lot."

        Got a 96…

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Funny you should mention that. I wasn't all that hot on math in high school, but the night before my pre-calc midterm in my senior year, my new girlfriend had tickets to see Rush at the Seattle Center Colisseum, so we drove two hours to Seattle, smoking dope all the way over (my first time!) and it turns out it was laced with something which was providing me with some pretty exhilarating hallucinations for about 20 minutes there, sat in the seats at the Colisseum (we were way to f'ed up to stand down on the floor) passing and catching doobs all during the show, then drove two hours back home, getting to bed around 3am.

          I got a 96, too. My best math test score I ever got, in high school.

          • DaRooster

            I studied for one test in my life… 6th grade… gotta C-… gave that shit up pronto.

  • lowaltflier

    Nikki can F me anytime she wants.
    In a Kama Sutra kind of way that is.

    • ProgressiveInga

      I wouldn't F her with your Kama or your Sutra.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    Is Nikki acting like a crazy High School principal again?

    • Barrelhse

      That one on xHamster?

      • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

        I was actually naive enough to Google that…little did I know…might as well Google "Santorum" next time.

        • PalinzADummy

          And I, of course, just HAD to see what all the foofaraw was about. (digs out eyes with a spoon)

          Carry on.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Projecting dipshit projecting own failings onto others.

  • An_Outhouse

    She can F me any time.

  • Eve8Apples

    What a mother F'ing cunt.

  • Goonemeritus

    Only slightly more relevant than Idi Amin grading his Cabinet exclusively on how they tasted.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    He had even been turned away at a summer pool party held at the Governor’s Mansion that lawmakers had been invited to attend.

    Reminds me of a certain scene from Caddyshack.
    ~

    • Geminisunmars

      It's no big deal.

  • Limeylizzie

    I would "F " Boyd Brown for that outstanding piece of snark. Well played , Sir.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Let me check his file photo first. . .then maybe I'll join you Limey.

      • Limeylizzie

        Darling we can just give him a fuck with the lights out , if he's ugly, he is deserving of some love for that wonderful retort.

  • baconzgood

    You got a phony-baloney plastic banana good-time rock-and-roller optic photo op.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Glad to hear that she is putting her time to good use.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    I bet her handwriting features cute little hearts for periods and i-dots.

    • snackypants

      For your edification, the i-dot is called a "tittle."

      • jqheywood

        Fontastic!

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

        One of those instances where (half-assed) creative license is not actually funnier than the correct term.

      • Chichikovovich

        Yes, along with the line through a "t" (a "jot") it's the source of the phrase "every jot and tittle", which entered common use through Matthew 5:18.

        No snark, here. Just 100% solid, factual information.

        • snackypants

          Knowing others care about jots and tittles is of great comfort to me. No snark here as well.

        • DaRooster

          So the old saying should be-
          "Jot your Ts and tittle your Is."

        • AJWjr.

          No snark, here. Just 100% solid, factual information.
          Just like in the rest of the bible, right?

      • Gleem_McShineys

        Apparently there are many who know all about Nikki Haley's tittles.

    • PalinzADummy

      Yeah, knowing her, she dipped the pen in her menstrual blood first, straight from her cunt. Fucking slag. Oh, sorry, is my bitterness and rage showing?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Good God! Try to think of pleasant and joyful things, goddamnit!

        • PalinzADummy

          Coming from you, Chet, that's noteworthy.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    It's a great day in Wonkette!

    I don't have any facts to back this up, but it is my belief most Repubicans don't know there are grades above "F".

    There are going to be some pretty upset parents in SC when their kids bring home those grades. "No dessert for a week, young man."

    The Repubicans got A's because they had someone else do their homework. Some may call it cheating, but they are happy to call it "getting help from a lobbyist."

  • Tundra Grifter

    Governor! Governor Haley!

    I've been bad. Really, really bad.

    • Weenus299

      Trust me, up close she has mortician's pancake. Not the prettiest thang in the world.

      • DaRooster

        Well, she can just smudge it on the pillow then…

      • PalinzADummy

        Er … I'm probably going to regret this forever when you tell me I'll have to look it up in the Urban Dictionary, but … what is "mortician's pancake"?

        • HistoriCat

          I'm no expert but I think that's the stuff they put on dead people prior to funeral home viewings. It gives them that "lifelike" look.

          • PalinzADummy

            Well, at least, thank TPTB, it's not some hideous new sexual perversion of which I had hitherto never heard and which I would regret knowing anything about for the rest of my born days.

          • http://www.wonkette.com Salacious Crumb

            Gorilla Mask?

          • PalinzADummy

            OK. Go ahead. Do your worst. Urban dictionary? Or just Google it?

          • ShaveTheWhales

            Either one will work, I'm sorry to say.

          • PalinzADummy

            Dear deity in deityland! I believe I must bleach my eye-puppies for a few hours. It's been great knowing alla youse Wonketeers. Morituri te salutamus!

          • http://www.wonkette.com Salacious Crumb

            sorry.

            Tho I must admit, everything I need to know in life I learned from Wonkette.

          • PalinzADummy

            Salacious, it's really nice to meet you and all, even if I'll be typing in Braille for the rest of my life? But I'm not even gonna ask you why you needed to know about Gorilla Masks, and who on Teh Wonketz was responsible for the outrage of teaching you about this … sexual practice.

          • http://www.wonkette.com Salacious Crumb

            Long time lurker, sporadic commenter. This came up a couple of days ago, in the last Andrew "I'm totally Gay!" Bloodfart string maybe? It's all a blur really. (Yay Wonkit!)

            Dunno why truthfully, I just saw an opening and I thought I'd take it? (no pun intended!)

            I hear they are doing wonderful things with imaging and brain waves, so there may be hope for you to see again! Personally, I just need a new set of knees and maybe a new liver.

    • horsedreamer_1

      I brought my… pencil
      Give me something — to write on

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Give me a break, Dave.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Meh. Texas Monthly magazine has been doing this, in a non-partisan manner, for decades.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      But to get if from the State's CEO (as we are now calling it?)

  • Indiepalin

    Nikki Haley: the GOP poster child for wife-tasting.

    • DahBoner

      In India, when the wife gets close to the stove, one little push is all it takes and poof! All that polyster and ghee goes up in flames fast…

      • PalinzADummy

        Aare baap-re!

  • baconzgood

    Is this on the Bell Curve? 'Cause I test well when I'm tanked.

    • Tundra Grifter

      I'm pretty busy cramming for my drug test. I heard it's multiple choice.

      • DahBoner

        Just the other day, they wanted me to take a drug test for a job and I told them that I was going to pass with flying colors.

        Because I know a LOT about drugs….

        • Tundra Grifter

          DB: That's the kind of on-the-job drug testing I could support. I could tell 'em "This is bunk" or "This is some good shit."

          If that would help.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Salacious Crumb

      Mandatory drug testing has a whole new meaning when you work for Ed Rosenthal I hear.

  • HistoriCat

    Why is Boyd Brown in the state legislature? He should be in Congress!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Why isn't she running for president? She seems just as qualified as the rest of the candidates.

    • MrFizzy

      Maybe more so – she appears to know at least five letters of the alphabet.

  • Weenus299

    Think about what's in Mean Girl Flunktard Haley's slambook at school.

  • FakaktaSouth

    This is so stupid and it makes her look stupid in a weirdly feminine way, and I don't like that – she's not a child playing school, and this is political bullshit timewasting. ANYway, I do not like her and in the spirit of this stupidity, I am going to make fun of the way she looks.

    Shut up Big Nose. Where are you from, Nose City? (Monty Python? Anyone?) She sucks.

    • Barrelhse

      Is that your fucking nose, or are you just happy to see me?

    • PalinzADummy

      According to all the guys who have recently been busted for "sinning" with her, you're right. She does.

      • littlebigdaddy

        Fry and Laurie: her nose makes her look like a very large-nosed animal.

  • Radiodead

    Needs moar Kaizen. Or whatever the petty middle manager bureaucrat's Management Du Jour theory is this week.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Pretty sure this is a new low for reality tv – but I have no f ing facts to prove it….

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    So that's what Haley Barbour has been doing recently–lost about 300 pounds and got a sex change. Still dumb as ever, though.

  • SayItWithWookies

    This is why Nikki Haley is the kinder gentler teabagger — she gave out Fs instead of little crosshairs.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    How in the fuck does she think a legislature works?! They exist to return votes a Governor likes? When these Southern fucks and their Sikh/Hindu wanna-be-White-Christian tools get done driving the blacks and hispanics off the voter rolls, they might want to gin up a civics test for elective office, too.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Chet, you a little angry today?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        That makes me different from the average Wonketeer how…?

        • PalinzADummy

          Oh, let's see … gimme a few weeks to come up with something?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        He seems normal to me…

        • NorthStarSpanx

          Chet and Baldar are above normal Wonketeers. I'll stick to upfisting. Carry-on.

          • HistoriCat

            The snark is strong in this one …

    • Rotundo_

      If they had as strict a set of guidelines for candidates as they want for voting there wouldn't be enough conservative candidates to mount a challenge in many elections. You do have to marvel at these half assed amateurs sometimes. It isn't Nikki that scares me, it's the old white men telling her what to pass and what to veto and what to say that scare me. This one is like Palin, but with a little less meth and fishin' in her repertoire.

      • PalinzADummy

        She's a really stupid, incompetent, corrupt, and dishonest fuck, though. Tutored by Mark "King David" Sanford, no less.

    • PalinzADummy

      I'm happy to inform you that although a sizable chunk of the South Asian community comprises power-hungry, Koch-sucking, diddletardz like Nimrata "Nikki HotPants" Randhawa Haley, there's quite a few rebels and lefty troublemakers in their ranks also, and in fact we owe the "macaca-ing" of George Allen (who might otherwise be in the Presidential lineup, deity forbid) to one such.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        I wasn't blaming the whole community, just trying to target my snark specifically to Darling Nikki and Pontius Pilate Jindal. Some of my best friends play the tablas!

        • PalinzADummy

          Hey, me too! :)

          Can I hold the ammo, if you're targeting those two? Because I have NEVER seen such fucking coconuts (brown on the outside, white on the inside).

      • BaldarTFlagass

        "there's quite a few rebels and lefty troublemakers in their ranks also"

        WWGD?
        (What Would Gandhi Do?)

        • PalinzADummy

          Gandhi was way to the right of me. I'm thinking more like Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose, who was responsible for the creation of the Indian Nationalist Army, and people like Mamata Bannerjee.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    My draft board F*d me once. And once was twice too many.

    • V572 Moon!

      Or three too few. "4F" was dream. "1A" got me to Veet-nahm.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, at least it's a great day in South Carolina.

    I know parents who bribe their kids to get good grades, i.e. $10 for an A, $5 for a B, etc. I wonder how much these "A"s are worth, cash wise.

    • SorosBot

      Those are some nice lenient parents, considering a B a good grade; for mine, anything other than an A was unacceptable.

    • PalinzADummy

      Nice parents! Ours promised us a sound thrashing for every mark we lost from the maximum. So, 98% = two thrashings, and anything less than 80%, well, you might as well commit suicide instead of going home, since it was fairly certain that you would probably be murdered.

      • DashboardBuddha

        We'd bring our report cards home in the morning, half an an hour before we went to bed, spend 29 hours explaining why we got an A- and then our father would kill us and dance about on our grave.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        You MUST be a brown! As a Canadian comedian of color once said, "white people, you need to beat your kids."
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwbc_v1xBAU

        • PalinzADummy

          I am most definitely a brown, and have the scars to prove it. Our parents very seriously believed in "spare the rod and spoil the child." It REALLY hurts worse when they make YOU go get the rod and then apply it to your rear end.

          My black friends tell me that they got lots of ass-whuppins growing up.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Was at a family wedding last month, laughing with my 30ish nieces and nephews about the terrors of Grandma Kincaid's wooden spoon.

          • PalinzADummy

            I just watched that Russell Peters skit, and man I pissed myself laughing. That's IT, that's exactly it, we'd talk about how our parents would thrash the living daylights out of us and our black friends would talk about the ass-whuppings they got, and the white kids would smile vaguely and talk about "time-outs," and we would all exchange these looks like, "WTF are these people talking about? Are they serious?"

          • zhubajie

            Believe me, lots of lower class white kids get whupped, too.

          • PalinzADummy

            Good point. Now that I think of it, most of the white kids were middle-class.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Well that's the thing – in the popular imagination of browns and the aspirational imagination of plain old whites, all white people are an upper middle class punchline.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I'm one of those bribery-oriented parents, and it seems to work. I told my two daughters, "A 3.5 on your report card is worth $30 cash and straight A's is worth $50."

      And by golly, I have yet to shell out less than $80 at report card time.

  • chicken_thief

    I love that she comes up with and implements that stupid fucking idea to shame her adversaries in some way, I guess, but then Boyd Brown smacks her down with one sentence.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    She took Boyd Brown to her Mansion, and he just couldn't believe his eyes. She had so many devices – everything that money could buy! But she put an "F" on his report card, and kicked his ass out when she started to grind.

  • widestanceshakedown

    I've got a smiley face for her report card, but she'll have to turn her head sideways for it to look like a smile and not just my asscrack.

  • BarackMyWorld

    “She’s been busy F-ing the rest of the state,” he said. “I’m not surprised that she F-ed me.”

    Can I "thumbs up" Boyd Brown?
    That was gold.

  • Geminisunmars

    So now if SC Demos want to prove their bona fides they will have to display their F to their constituents.

  • coolhandnuke

    I went to middle school with Nikki Haley. She doodled a life-sized picture of Spiro Agnews cock on her Pee Chee folder.

    • MrFizzy

      Was it a good-sized Greek thang?

  • DrunkenPalmetto

    Bring her a John Mayer CD and an SUV backseat if you want an A+

  • Blueb4sunrise

    De-nested repost if you want to send Rep. Brown a message.
    http://www.scstatehouse.gov/members/bios/02113636

    • Limeylizzie

      Just did. Told him he was a star on the Wonkette. And, he's single, ladies and born in 1986!

      • FakaktaSouth

        I swear I just came back here to tell you that exact thing under your "I'd F him" post til I saw this first – Seriously, he's cute! And YOOOOUNG! Woohoo!

        • Blueb4sunrise

          He's probably going to have stroke if he visits here.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Or get a stroke.

          • PalinzADummy

            More likely.

        • Limeylizzie

          A road-trip is clearly in order, we arrive at the Statehouse and “We, the women of Wonkette all got together to give you this- (drop trou).”

          • FakaktaSouth

            As always, I'm down!

          • PalinzADummy

            I swear, the Lovely Ladies Of Teh Wonketz put joy in every heart. Poor man's gonna blush like a rose right before he either faints or leaps.

          • Steverino247

            I think a fair number of male Wonketteers will want to applaud your efforts to please the young legislator in person, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Git him now, in his still-formative years, before he starts eye-ing the Governor's mansion, conveniently goes GOP and starts having stadium prayer-meetings! Or at least make a career-killing scandal to hold over him in case he wanders off the reservation. "Rising Legislator Caught In Steamy Cougar Den"…

          I am so cynical. Restore my faith, yout's!

          • PalinzADummy

            He'll be "rising," all right, by the time the Lovely Ladies Of Teh Wonketz get their vaunted knickers off.

            I gotta camera, girlz, and I'll work for free. :)

  • hagajim

    What kind of stupid bullshit is this? Does she think she's the fucking NRA or something? Also, I'm sure that pols with F's are really going to strike to work with this smarmy cunt!

  • Redhead

    But did she alter their test scores before issuing those report cards?

  • TrikkiNikkiHalE

    Forget sending him an email, send him a campaign contribution: http://www.BrownForSC.com

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Gov. Haley also passes out both praise and shame with every bill she receives from the legislature, in a simulation of toilet training.

  • Plowmon

    Yeah, yeah, but does she have a bigger bush than Christine O'donnell?

    • MrFizzy

      She's bush from knees to armpits – that's the Indian way.

      • DahBoner

        As they say up in Northern Canada, may you go well in the bush, my son…

      • PalinzADummy

        You must be fucking different Indians than me. The ex was smooth as silk from nose to toes.

  • fuflans

    teabagger america: just as annoying as you thought it would be.

  • mumbly_joe

    I dunno, I suspect that Democratic lawmakers, not unlike conservative bloggers, would be pretty likely to brag about getting an F from Nikki Haley.

    • PalinzADummy

      Like the charming Boyd Brown, they will undoubtedly turn into snark about getting F'ed BY Haley.

  • Guppy06

    Why is she wasting time on this when she could be cutting taxes and refusing federal grants?

  • iburl

    "Fairfield Democratic Rep. Boyd Brown had a contentious relationship with Haley throughout the legislative session"

    Sounds kinky.

  • Antispandex

    I'd give her an A, if I could figure out how it would get anyone a job, to, you know, give out grades. See, I never understood the whole Teabaggie, "If we just fire all of the government workers and take everyone's pension away, unempolyment will disappear", approach…but I haven't been to one of those seminars about how the income tax is unconstitutional either, so I can't really claim I have a full education on these matters.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    I'm okay with the hot, it's the insanely condescending and stupid that's a giant turn-off.

  • Duly_Noted

    Someone get this woman a coloring book!

  • PalinzADummy

    OK, this is Nimrata "Nikki Hot-Pants" Randhawa Haley, and at last count there were, what, five people in her state who HADN'T made the beast with two (hairy) backs in her state-issued SUV?

    Shoot, even the F-rated ranking Democratic burr in her saddle admitted she F-ed him. Along with every other man, woman, and billy goat in the state.

    What is it with these Republihags? Did all their husbands suffer from smallcox as children?

  • neiltheblaze

    Funny how quickly all these "rising stars" in the Republican Party have been flaming out one after another.

    That might be because – objectively – they're completely full of shit – and that's something you just can't slap paint on forever.

    Flame on, Nikki! (wink)

    • Rotundo_

      The repubs do have a real gift for marketing. In Florida, Michigan, Wisconsin, Ohio, and in South Carolina, they sold people on change and "grown ups in charge". When people opened the really well wrapped box, they discovered some dried up cat poop, a scribbled IOU-SORRY ABOUT YOUR KID'S EDUCATION, BUT CAMPAIGN DONORS NEEDED THE MONEY MORE note and a pair of soiled underwear. And these folks have to live with it for 4 years unless they can scrape up enough intelligent people to sign off on a recall. No cash returns, only store credit…

      • neiltheblaze

        Yep – and half of them will blame Obama.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Shit is flammable, innit?

      • neiltheblaze

        If it isn't, the paint should be!

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Everything is flammable with enough heat.

  • MrFizzy

    Her 15 minutes have started, unfortunately it'll be more than 15 minutes.

  • MrFizzy

    Hi, this is Nikki, and this state stinks as much as my underpants.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      It's a great day in Nikki's knickers.

  • L188188

    I think Fairfield Democratic Rep. Boyd Brown might make an excellent Wonkette poster.

  • Fawkdifiknow

    Yeah, well F you, you F'ing little F'er.

  • owhatever

    It's a great day in South Carolina! The governor is a little sillier than usual this morning. Out of sorts, you know? She's really a nice guy.

  • kissawookiee

    A is for Assfuck, chainsaw, sideways.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Libunatic

      F is for fisting, sans Crisco.

  • ttommyunger

    Methinks the Governess' big-girl panties are in need of a change; they do tend to chaff after being worn pee-crusted for days and days. Having a bush like a cactus doesn't help, either, also, too. Maybe you could borrow Xtine's weed whacker.

    • PalinzADummy

      Oh, now, don't tell me YOU did her TOO! Where are your standards, dood?

      • ttommyunger

        Just repeating what I overheard sitting at the bar in “Jugs & Suds”.

        • PalinzADummy

          You hang out at all the most *interesting* places. ;)

          • ttommyunger

            Sorry, thought I was zipped.

          • PalinzADummy

            I can see I shall have to retire gracefully from the field or risk a right skewering. Tongue as sharp as a mustard-plaster!

          • ttommyunger

            Sorry, I skewer to the Left.

          • PalinzADummy

            I can tell. (limps away)

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      *snerk … "bush like a cactus…"

      KUDOS

      • ttommyunger

        Heh, heh.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Allow me to quote the great art historian Jasper Rose:

    "Grading is a method for sorting vegetables."

  • DahBoner

    Sure, the Republicans all get A's for AWESOME.

    Or was it assholes?

  • DashboardBuddha

    State workers should thank their lucky stars they don't have to answer the phone, Heaveno

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Heavenoyvay.

  • mavenmaven

    What score did she give that blogger dude?

  • rocktonsam

    another teabagging f up.

  • flamingpdog

    “You have to hold legislators’ hands to the fires …"

    hands to the fires??? Stupid bimbo can't even get a simple 'Mur'can idiom right! If you ever run into her in the back seat of an SUV, better ask for a foot job …

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Libunatic

    OT, but speaking of F minus grade politicians, L'Grifter Originale just said she's not running in 2012. Obvs. setting up a Christie/Palin ticket for 2016…. insert your humorous nicknames for that ticket below.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Lard/Tard 2016

  • Steverino247

    OT, but here's what I posted at CNN.com on the Palin "decision":

    Sarah Palin's true path is from the wallets of supporters to her bank account. She mouths platitudes and waves flags to bilk well-meaning but misinformed Americans out of their hard earned money. She deserves no respect as she performs no meaningful service to the people. She deserves no further media attention until she has something of substance to add to the political conversation. The Palin Show has left town with the money of small town America which is left with only the memory of the carnival and the clowns who performed there.

    • Limeylizzie

      Gosh Steverino, I just promised a little something special to Boyd Brown, but consider yourself attended to as well.

      • Steverino247

        OOOOH! Growing up poor taught me how to enjoy life vicariously, so this offer really satisfies.

    • PalinzADummy

      Pretty good, dood. I hope you got your body armor on and your weapons loaded, because C4P is going to come for you in their shrieking hordes, hoverrounds a-spinning.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Is this good for She1ey? Nah! Even if she lands all the Palinistas to go with her lock on the Heltered Skelters, MB won't get attention at the next debate even if she shows her tits.

        Still it is a frabjous day, callooh callay!

        • PalinzADummy

          No, the Palinistas hate MB with a passion, I have no idea why. You'd think those two airheads would be interchangeable, but one thing's become obvious — Palin is actually a *better* — and I use that term loosely — politician than Michele. Palin has a core group of loyal followers who will keep on forking out money to support her regardless of her griftery griftification. MB's done. She's dropped too low in the polls to climb back up.

          I'd be dancing in the streets, if I could.

    • Steverino247

      Ha! I posted that same thing over on FOX, too. (Had to use a different nom de guerre, though)

  • Steverino247

    OK. Back on topic. I sent the following to our new hero in SC:

    "Loved your witty comment on your Governor's silly grading of your legislators. Wear that F with pride, sir!"

    And got the following response:

    "Thank you for your kind email, this is only the beginning of making her life a living Hell.

    All the best,

    Boyd Brown"

    So, may I suggest tops off as well as dropped trou when you visit his offices, ladies?

    • PalinzADummy

      Oh, great, there goes MY evening of planned work. All I can see now is a sea of beautiful boobies.

      • Steverino247

        They're in season this month, aren't they?

        • PalinzADummy

          Actually, it's Cocktober, according to our fellow-Wonketeerz, but I believe boobies are in season all year round.

          • flamingpdog

            But next month is Nomember!

          • PalinzADummy

            I was assured by other Wonketeerz that next month was BLOWvember.

            Now I haz a sad.

  • user-of-owls

    Do you think they have to answer the phone with “It's a great day in South Carolina” at the State Coroner's Office?

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Nothing the GOP loves more than fixing it so their side gets graded on a curve. Preferably a Bell Curve…

  • Negropolis

    Who the fuck died and made Nimrata the State Superintendent?

  • OldRedneck

    Nikki Haley? Nikki Haley??

    Don't know any Nikki Haley.

    Oh, wait a minute — you mean Nimrata Randhawa — right??