#occupymichelebachmann

Evil College Kids Force Bachmann Into Hiding With Funny Signs

As it is written in the Gospels, try to freak the fuck out every time someone you disagree with comes nearby.Reliable comic relief generator Michele Bachmann (which is the only way she is reliable) has exactly one mode when confronted by peaceable handfuls of voters that she perceives as being against her whackjob right-wing viewpoints: FLEE AND CALL THE POLICE. A small horde of Grinnell College student-barbarians showed up to one of her campaign events to mill around with funny signs like “John Wayne Quincy Adams — Our Greatest Forefather,” but rather than get anywhere near their evil librul AIDS germs, she hid in her bus, cancelled the public event entirely and made the cops show up. This is so much like the response she had that one time when a couple lesbians tried to approach her for a policy chat that it makes us wonder (strictly rhetorically): if you dropped Michele Bachmann from a helicopter into the middle of Zuccotti Park, would she just explode into a million tiny curio keepsake Bibles? That is our guess.

From the Des Moines Register:

But the event’s 5:30 start time came and went with no sign of the candidate after the event space filled up with college students, some carrying signs. Bachmann ended up not appearing until about 6:40 – after a truck from the Poweshiek County Sheriff and two police cars arrived on the scene and officers cordoned off part of the farm with police tape.

Rather than speaking publicly from the barn – which was festooned with Bachmann campaign posters and clearly arranged for her to speak – Bachmann met with Family Leader donors privately in a house on the property and then took a short walking tour with farm owners Danny Carroll – a former state lawmaker – and his wife.

The students, meanwhile, stood behind the cordon waving signs supporting gay marriage and playing on misstatements the candidate has made. They clapped rhythmically and yelled questions and entreaties in Bachmann’s general direction.

And then Michele sent all of these students to be waterboarded by Jesus and St. Paul at Gitmo for a thousand years, in her mind. [Des Moines Register]

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  • metamarcisf

    At this point, the direction of Bachmann's campaign can only be described as "Helter Skelter"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, she's been to the bottom, now she'll go back to the top of the polls, then it's back to the bottom and she sees lezbos agaaaaaain.

      • iburl

        yeah, yeah, yeah

      • Radiodead

        I laughed, I cried.

        • PalinzADummy

          I threw up a lot.

          • Doktor Zoom

            I've got blisters on me fingers!

          • PalinzADummy

            That was John!

          • Doktor Zoom
          • PalinzADummy

            I'll getchu for that, Dok. Some day.

    • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

      she's comin down fast, but she's miles above us (with Jesus doncha know)

    • poncho_pilot

      funny you should say that because i was thinking: this reminds me of a visit home a few years back. when my mother saw me she screamed and ran and hid in her room because i "looked like Charles Manson".

      • Moonbat

        I told you the tattoo on your forehead was a bad idea!

      • Neoyorquino

        And suddenly I'm feeling much better about the quality of the relationship I have with my mom.

      • PalinzADummy

        So, um, I know you've talked about how crazy your family is, and you love them anyway, but … erm, is your mother, like, really crazy, or what? Because mine was pretty fucking crazy, and claimed not to recognize me on several occasions, but I knew she was just trying to fuck with my head, dood.

        • poncho_pilot

          i don't think my mom is any crazier than i am. maybe about the same. that was an excessive moment with her that i've never received an explanation for. my mom never did much of the fucking with my head which i can say is in her favor although i do remember one incident as a child where i walked into the kitchen late one night and she was holding a knife to herself. good times!

          my mom has become a serial monogamist hobo, crisscrossing the country to move in with various gentlemen of the internet persuasion. that's been going on for about twelve years. we don't talk much these days. she owes me a lot of money and only calls to try and borrow more. there's more but i'm already writing a novel here. it really sucks because we used to be very close as my dad left before i was born and we just had each other for the most part. if i'd noticed that giant brussel sprout in her closet earlier i could have saved her.

          • PalinzADummy

            Thanks for not telling me to fuck off and mind my own fucking business, which would've been totally justified.

            My mom was fond of throwing knives and furniture. Fortunately, she was both myopic and astigmatic, so she never actually hit us, although the sound of a heavy knife blade whistling past your ear and thudding into the nearest door is not one any child can hear with equanimity.

            Sounds like your Mom isn't quite as insane. I'm sorry she's drifted away. (Hugs poncho_pilot)

          • Boojum_Reborn

            At least you have these things to explain your incipient insanity. Imagine if your childhood was idyllic and you were STILL crazy as a three legged bed bug!

          • PalinzADummy

            Go ahead, sweetie, I'm listening.

          • Boojum_Reborn

            Nothing to see here.

          • poncho_pilot

            no problem. i'm pretty much an open book. definitely your maternal unit is crazier than mine. it's a good thing she's practically blind. it's possible we wouldn't have your excellent commentary otherwise. i was hit rarely and it was usually due to my mom being coerced into it by other family members.

          • PalinzADummy

            Oh, she's *totally* blind now, having popped her clogs a few years ago. And, yes, she was pretty much the craziest of parental units while alive. Thanks for the compliment.

          • AmericanBeauty

            Many hugs for you too, dear. I hope she, and you, have found peace and can get on with life without much sorrow.

          • PalinzADummy

            I made my peace with her before she died. It was pretty obvious that she was a nasty piece of business, and she wasn't ever going to change, so I just stopped expecting her to be anything else, and then we mostly got along fine.

            But thanks for the good wishes, nonetheless.

          • AmericanBeauty

            I have many big hugs for you and hope you find a way to reconcile with her, or reach her, before she dies.

  • Nothingisamiss

    "I'm a nun and I want you!" was just one sign she thought was threatening.

    • widestanceshakedown

      She who fucks nuns will later form a church.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        That's just another story.

        • widestanceshakedown

          It's been proven by research, so I believe it.

          • Ansnarkist

            Now every cheap hood strikes a bargain with the world,
            Ends up making payments on a sofa or a girl.

      • AJWjr.

        She still swears that was a penguin, interestingly.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Fookin' Leprechauns…

    • Tundra Grifter

      When they say "Nun" then mean none.

    • PalinzADummy

      I think it was actually "I want NONE of you." She don't read so good.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Maybe if the sign was a nine or a ten, she wouldn't have been so threatened… ba da bing…

  • NorthStarSpanx

    This kind of inability to work past differences physically as well as mentally makes for a poor projection in a possible POTUS job performance.

    She won't walk down the House Floor to make her State of the Union speeches cause Barney Frank's cooties are everywhere.

    • Come here a minute

      Barney Frank cooties are already preventing her from voting in the House.

  • LesBontemps

    Michele who?

    • V572 Moon!

      It's probably a case of mistaken identity. They didn't even spell the name right.

      • Chichikovovich

        We want to see the marriage licence!

        • AmericanBeauty

          I wanna see proof of consummation with Marcus Sparkle.

  • axmxz

    "Festooned" is a good word to associate with Bachmann. Brings to mind a festive spittoon.

    • widestanceshakedown

      I more frequently associate 'festered' with her.

      • axmxz

        Festering fistulas, batman!

      • PalinzADummy

        Listen, there will be no more nose-splorting in the mornings. Kindly hold down teh humour till after my second cuppa, TYVM.

        • widestanceshakedown

          A thousand pardons from EST for the splortage, meaning it's 3:30 pm here (and I'm on my 8th or 9th cuppa). If I kept the snark beast crated until this late in the day, I'd lose my job due to poor attitude.

          • PalinzADummy

            Oh, dear friend, I was just snarking on you. It's my way of making up for being late to the Wonkette party (as usual).

            Besides, those nose-sprayed droplets make for a really interesting moire effect on the monitor. (takes a deep drag)

          • widestanceshakedown

            I haz a jellis. I wish I could smoke n' snark at the same time. Damn workplace compliance and that.

          • PalinzADummy

            They only let me have this wonder drug because I haz a gimp. Trade you my bad leg for your good one, AND I'll throw in my stash of pot. ;)

          • widestanceshakedown

            I was thinking about my Camel Blues but now I'm filling out a 'good luck' card for one unlucky leg. . .

          • PalinzADummy

            Yeah, I have to go get it sliced upon again soon. Fuckin' drag.

          • widestanceshakedown

            Dag, that's rough, PAD. Thoughts are with you. Keep me posted.

          • PalinzADummy

            It's actually relatively minor, I'm just whining because it sucks and I might miss my mighty Wonkeratti for a week or more. :P

            Thanks, pal.

          • widestanceshakedown

            (points to reply slope forming above) I think replies will be limited to 2 characters soon.

  • Barb

    I'm surprised the cops weren't armed with pepper gas to "spray away the gay."

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Marcus believes in sucking it away, not spraying it away.

      • AJWjr.

        I'd type :spew: like the cool kids, but, well, you know…

    • Sophist[Kochblocker]

      I totally want to gay marry you for this comment, but one of us is probably going to have to get a sex change first.

    • Callyson

      Marcus must not have shown up.

    • PalinzADummy

      Given most cops' diet, they don't need no pepper gas, they make pretty bad gas all on their ownsome.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Strong, tough and has such strength of character this Michelle Bachmann is.*

    *shockingly… she is none of those things.

    If she can't handle snarky college kids and flees without nary a "Get Off My Lawn" how would she handle someone like Vlad Putin or even not so jolly fat man Stevie "Moobs" Harper? She would surrender to the Conservative Enclave of Canada City within seconds. Or nuke us.

    • gullywompr

      This is why women can't be president.

      • PalinzADummy

        She and Sarah have certainly contributed mightily to that meme. I have a vision of all the female politicians in the US inviting the two of them to lunch. Locking the doors. Then bringing out the clubs.

        • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

          Yup. There are capable females out there, just not those ones.

        • MOG2410

          I'd pay to attend.

          • PalinzADummy

            I just vant to vatch.

          • 102415

            I want a club.

          • PalinzADummy

            I sense an entrepreneurial opportunity …

          • 102415

            You're going to sell a lot of clubs ;)

    • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

      Steve Harper just needs to get fucked by a big black guy. Something inside him is dying, and I think it's the part that covets uncut Nubian cock.

    • V572 Moon!

      And then we could have national health insurance. Are you arguing for Miche1e?

    • Chichikovovich

      And it would be the worlds cleverest mongoose against the worlds most, um " 'running late' in French" cobra if she were to go up against (time machine travelling) Trudeau.

      Fifteen minutes of negotiations on Lake Superior whitefish harvesting regulations and she'd be declaring French the official language of the US.

      Or at least having both French and English on cereal boxes.

      Which is really the same thing as forcing everyone to speak French.

      Or so my wingnut (Canadian version) father repeatedly told me.

      But enough of my wistful childhood reverie.

      • horsedreamer_1

        I have ketchup packets from Spain and Holland with ingredient lists in eight or ten languages. I think that would kill your dad.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      At this point, I think she would surrender to Lichtenstein.

      • PalinzADummy

        I have a friend in Lichtenstein. She teaches there. I hear you can rent the entire country for a weekend, if you want.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          I always said that if I won the lotto, I'd have Lichtenstein reupholstered.

          • PalinzADummy

            I b'leev the ladies in those parts have the comfortable appearance of sofas. A nice chintz, I think.

          • AmericanBeauty

            The menz are leather upholstered in liederhosen.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    [and then took a short walking tour with farm owners Danny Carroll]

    Did Danny dare her to pick up a bucket of tomatoes?

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      She would have, but is waiting for her next Alabama campaign stop.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      She looked wistfully at the cucumber patch.

      • PalinzADummy

        You would too, in her position. Bet she kovets Kortney's kukumber.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    if you dropped Michele Bachmann from a helicopter into the middle of Zuccotti Park, would she just explode into a million tiny curio keepsake Bibles?

    SCIENCE PROJECT IDEA!
    ~

    • justkillmenow

      Call the Mythbusters, stat!

    • AJWjr.

      Drop ALL the Micheles from helicopters!

      • Chichikovovich

        As God is my witness, I thought Bachmanns could fly!

  • OkieDokieDog

    I'm surprised the National Guard wasn't called out to shoot those rabble rousing commie college students harassing this great leader (in her own bibley-muddled mind).
    Maybe the Guard was too busy fighting GW's unfunded wars in those ferign countries somewhere.

    • PalinzADummy

      I b'leev they were protecting Governor HUGENORMOUS FATASS from the media at the Ronald Reagan Library, or wherever the Lardbag-in-Chief was speaking.

    • Beetagger

      That's so retro Kent Statey… love it!

  • gullywompr

    "They clapped rhythmically and yelled questions and entreaties in Bachmann’s general direction."

    And that was just her campaign staffers who quit….

    • dizzeeboy

      Is "show us your crazy tits" an entreaty?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "after a truck from the Poweshiek County Sheriff and two police cars arrived on the scene"

    I wonder if that's the truck the county uses to pick up roadkill with.

    Also, "PoweSHIEK" sounds kinda IslamoAraby. Or birth control-y.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Go Keokuk yourself, what, with your Chief Joseph Libel.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    What a shame, after all the time it took Marcus to "festoon" the barn.

  • Nothingisamiss

    To be fair, none of the protestors could sum up their arguments against Michele in 140 characters or less, so….No news to see here, folks.

  • iburl

    When she's president, those drones will be working overtime to get rid of these thought-criminals.

  • Callyson

    Riley Mangan, a freshman at Grinnell, said she thought the event would be a good opportunity to see different political views and “how a campaign works.”
    “I would’ve liked to hear her and hear her rationale for what she believes and why she deserves my vote, because it’s my first time to vote,” Mangan said. “I’d like to make an informed decision and hear her views.”
    Lulz, the kids still think that politicians should talk to them even if they don't pay them money first. How cute.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      You firsted.

      • Boojum_Reborn

        I think it is cute that she thinks Michelle Bachman has a "rationale" or "views" that can't be controlled by anti-psychotic medication.

  • Come here a minute

    Many of the Grinnell student have the HPV vaccination, so naturally Michele had to skip out on them to avoid catching mental retardation.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      It's way too late.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Or autism, or "being saved." That shit is running rampant.

    • PalinzADummy

      Amazing how both Michele and Herman can "catch" all these otherwise apparently non-contagious ailments.

  • MissusBarry

    Gotta man-up, One-L…lord knows, Marcus can't help you in this department…Presidents are actually expected to rub elbows with the vast unwashed illiterate and non-hoverrounding masses.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      I think rubbing body parts with Michele might be an interesting experience. Kind of like the epileptic hooker in MASH.

  • Antispandex

    Oh sure. There you go again, trying to make her look crazy! Just as an aside though, I'll bet you don't get any of those "I'd do her" comments. Just sayin'

    • Not_So_Much

      Not from a human, you won't…

    • LesBontemps

      Banging the crazy chick is an appealing idea for only so long.

      • PalinzADummy

        If you're over 30, you've had enough experience being stalked and having your bunny/kid/wife boiled by the crazy chick to where you KNOW it's not a good idea.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Woody Allen's advice about not sleeping with anyone crazier than you are applies here- and she's crazier than almost everybody.

  • Geminisunmars

    "Hello hello. Poweshiek Police? Help me!! There are hoards of terrorists surrounding my bus. Yes – they want to kill me. I can hear them out there, screaming for my blood. Help, oh help me!! You need to send out your Swat team. Now!"

    • NorthStarSpanx

      What do you mean budget cuts took out your SWAT Team?

    • Geminisunmars

      And yes, that is how Miche[e spells hordes.

      • Boojum_Reborn

        Or whoreds.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Isn't "Powersheik" some type of industrial-strength condom?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Keeps the AIDS away from Marcus, for sure.

  • BlueMonkeh

    what a chickenshit!

  • chascates

    Eventually Bachmann will be reduced to wearing a rainbow wig and a 'John 3:16' T-shirt and appearing at football games.

    High school football games.

    • DahBoner

      I would like to wear a Matthew 6: 5-6 shirt behind the High School Prayer leaders…..

    • comrad_darkness

      Didn't that guy end up taking some poor family hostage and shooting himself in the head in the end?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    "John Wayne Quincy Adams – Our Greatest Forefather"

    Subtle and snarky. I'd like to thank the kid for that one.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Sounds like someone's been reading Wonkette.

    • Tundra Grifter

      And they say kids today aren't getting a good education!

      Although (once again, thanks to Wonkette) my all-time favorite sign remains "Sign."

      • Chichikovovich

        My favorite was a card that read: "Please Post. Thank You"

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Riley Mangan, a freshman at Grinnell, said she thought the event would be a good opportunity to see different political views and “how a campaign works.”
    “I would’ve liked to hear her and hear her rationale for what she believes and why she deserves my vote, because it’s my first time to vote,” Mangan said. “I’d like to make an informed decision and hear her views."

    Snark?

    • flamingpdog

      I was sure hoping so. Putting "Michele Bachmann" and "rationale" in the same sentence made my head hurt.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Yes. Our very own Riley "Mangan" snuck over there in a wig.

      • HistoriCat

        Thus explaining a mysterious lack of updates from Zuccotti Park.

    • Barrelhse

      The poor chump believes that being a national contender for the GOP nod is somehow an indication that the candidate's views are rational.

  • CapnFatback

    Bachmann ended up not appearing until about 6:40 – after a truck from the Poweshiek County Sheriff and two police cars arrived on the scene and officers cordoned off part of the farm with police tape.

    No biggie; this is just standard police procedure. They were cordoning off the place where Bachman's campaign finally died.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This woman makes as much sense as the lyrics to Beck's "Loser."

    • DahBoner

      Let's make it out, Guerro

    • Mapmonger

      I was thinking in terms of the supremely daft murmurings of My Bloody Valentine, but crazy with the cheez whiz it is.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        "Forces of Evil in Bozo Nightmare" could be her campaign slogan, painted on the side of her bus…

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      In our time of chimpanzees, she was a monkey. Like, the organ-grinder variety — if a brain counts as an organ — only less cute, impossible to housetrain, & pitches a shrill fit when something of cross-purposes requires it to think apart from its own self-interest.

  • freakishlywrong

    Where's your red meat now, Crazy eyes?

  • SorosBot

    Rep. Bachmann ran away, she bravely ran away,
    When mocking reared it's comic head, she bravely turned her tail and fled,
    Brave, brave, brave, brave Rep. Bachmann.

    • fuflans

      i am of the opinion that this gop presidential field is funnier than anything monty python ever produced.

      except of course for the consequences.

      • PalinzADummy

        See, if there *weren't* any consequences, everybody would be demanding the show be extended for the next umpteen-umpty seasons.

    • HarryButtle

      Hey, Miche1e! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries. I clap rhythmically and yell questions and entreaties in your general direction. Now, go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

      • littlebigdaddy

        Then she goes to the Castle Anthrax for spankings and oral sex.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      That winter, they were forced to eat Miche1e's campaign staffers.

      And there was much rejoicing.

    • ttommyunger

      Run away, run away!

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Michele has at last resorted to campaigning at pumpkin farms, where she can preach to the pumpkins.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Just perfect for She1ey! We all have to carve-out our niche now don't we?

      • PalinzADummy

        Somebody's just rockin' today!

    • Nothingisamiss

      I don't even know what this means ( or memes) but it's hilarious.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      And wait for the Great Jeebus Pumpkin to rise out of the pumpkin patch to turn her into a winner. Keep waiting, babe….

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Clearly a failure in communications with her campaign manager.
      She thought she was going to preach to the bumpkins.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm sure the Congresswoman was just suffering from a terrible migraine, and couldn't handle the bongos, pot smoke and loud lesbian sex.

    • Nothingisamiss

      We were all trying to be quiet, sorry.

      • PalinzADummy

        Speak for yourself, Nothingisamiss. (SSSCHLURRRP!)

  • Wonderthing

    Michele is blowing me right now. In my mind.

    • DahBoner

      I don't know if MB blows, but she sure sucks…

    • El Pinche

      Marcus is watching Michele blowing you but replacing her with Eric Cantor in his mind. It's like Inception except with blow jobs.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Wait, Inception didn't have blowjobs??? I thought…. shit, I must have dreamed it…

        • Chichikovovich

          No *I* dreamed it. But now that you mention it there was a giant talking cat with huge teeth there. Who looked very relaxed and satisfied. And then I heard Edith Piaf…. but it turned into Hank Williams Jr.

      • Geminisunmars

        I believe that's Contraception.

    • SorosBot

      What, does your mind hate you?

      • Steverino247

        More importantly, does his mind spit or swallow?

    • widestanceshakedown

      In my dreams, she's blowing me. . .
      a kiss.

      Walk tall, wonderthang.

  • DahBoner

    "Grinnell College"

    I once saw a Ani de Franco show in Iowa, and some lesbian in the audience yelled out where she was from ("Grinnell") and Ani asked her what was there?

    Cows! She replied…

    There ya have it folks…

    • SexySmurf

      How do you know she was a lesbian (besides the fact she was at an Ani de Franco concert)?

      • widestanceshakedown

        Short fingernails?

        • PalinzADummy

          Dead giveaway.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Strange way of showin' that you're all about the kids.

    • Tundra Grifter

      No kidding. Her family is larger than my high school senior class.

  • Sue4466

    Okay, then. We need a troupe of snarky sign holders to follow Bachmann around so she'll never speak again. Problem solved!

    • El Pinche

      Sue, you are a brilliant problem solver !

    • Nothingisamiss

      She's making it too easy.

      • Sue4466

        If she were a real candidate, I can see the ad now. It's 2 p.m. Red phone rings in the White House. Pan through the empty Oval Office. Pan through the empty hallways of the West Wing. Pan to an empty bed in the presidential bedroom. Text on screen: Where is President Bachmann? Pan back to the presidential bedroom. Marcus outside a closet (irony!) saying softly "I made them put the 'where are the jobs' signs away honey. It's okay to come out now (second irony)." Flash to latest evil doer doing evil shit. Text: "When the phone rings at 2 a.m., will Bachmann be ready? Or will she be hiding from college students?"

  • baconzgood

    Unrelated to this post.

    Baconz took Mz Baconzgood Jr (the intern) out to show her how "real buisness" is done and we just got back. She said "Damn…is that how you conduct your buisness lunches? You two drank more at lunch than I've seen frats drink on a Friday night"

    Baconz responce was "type up this contract (written on a cocktail napkin) and call J**** to meet us tonight after it's typed. I want his signature on it while he's still liquored up and before he takes his flight back at 9 AM."

    (This comment is 100% snark free)

    • BaldarTFlagass

      How did you avoid all the protesters on that street outside your office, Baconz?

      • baconzgood

        People didn't even protest during the G-20 in this city. PGH FAIL!!!!

        (well not REALLY PROTEST)

        • BaldarTFlagass

          At least, not as much as they protested Rapelisberger's four-game suspension, amirite?

          • baconzgood

            NAH. Big Ben is a bum. We all wanted him to get kicked outta the NFL. CHARLIE BATCH RULZ!!!! but I grew up in Homestead so I'm biased-ya know local boy does good, just like Jeff Goldblum. My sister went to Jr. High with him ya know.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      I think you meant to post this on the William Bennett thread.

    • Terry

      Mad Men is based on your life then?

      • baconzgood

        I could drink the (hiccup) legs under (hiccup) those bozos table.

    • Nothingisamiss

      I love your work updates, baconz. Tell the intern hello from the wonkette field of dreams.

      • baconzgood

        She's thinking of getting her own wonkette accounty now. I feel bad for her because she's a Non-paid intern. So she's a slave…actually she's paying to work for free. So I give her a couple hundred bucks every Friday outta my own pocket. She really deserves it. I'm not the easiest person to work with.

        • PalinzADummy

          You might be crazy as a loon and a tough taskmaster, but you're pretty fucking funny and smart as a whip. If it weren't for the fact that I'm done with all that work shit, I might pay money to work for you. (Not much, though. ;-)

          • baconzgood

            I was a Non-paid intern and the dude that I did it for showed me how to "slack"…..Man…..He was the Yoda of office prank. He's the one that showed me how to correctly sneak a dead rat into an air duct system with a broom handle….I miss him, I was a pallbearer at his funeral and still grocery shop for his widow.

            (this comment is 100% snark free)

          • PalinzADummy

            See what I mean? You're such a decent human being underneath all that snark. Kudos for taking care of the man's widow.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      When you take your time machine back to 1964, how do you make sure you don't arrive before the last time?

    • DaRooster

      Atta boy!! Drinkin' and a signin'!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Not John Wayne Gacy Adams?

    Sorry, just clowning around.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      I know. There are just too many directions the kid could have taken that.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Slightly OT but I thought I'd put this in a couple of threads. This dude from Second City is helping out the OWS protesters in their quest for media coverage:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/05/andy-cob

    • fuflans

      beautiful.

  • Goonemeritus

    “This is so much like the response she had that one time when a couple lesbians tried to approach her”

    That’s not fair lesbians never approach me.

    • Geminisunmars

      Well, how much time do you spend hiding out in the women's restroom?

      • PalinzADummy

        Maybe you shouldn't have asked that, Gemini. I mean, do we *really* want to know about Goonemeritus' weird, kinky little paraphilias?

        • Geminisunmars

          Why do you think I even come to Wonketteland? For all the paraphilias.

          • PalinzADummy

            Ah, yes, of course. Carry on, then.

    • PalinzADummy

      Are your fingernails short? Is your hair clean? Long? Do you have nice tits? If you answered "No" to any of these questions, consider a LesbianMakeover.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    It sure was nice of those police to set up a "free speech zone" for those kooky college kids.

  • V572 Moon!

    OT, but all her admirers should note that the beauteous Tamron Hall is doing her show right now down with los Occupados on Wall Street. Do it, Tamron! And give Riley a kiss!

    On topic: Grinnell is a private, endowed ($2B!) liberal arts school — of which there are many more than you'd expect in Iowa — that had the good sense and high standards to flunk my brother out years ago.

  • veritass

    Meanwhile, Marcus dressed up in his favorite cowboy outfit and told the farmers that he could "save them" if they just stayed quiet and followed him into the back of the festooned barn.

  • Mahousu

    Michele would have spoken to the students, but they only had five forms of ID, not the required six. That's why she had to call the police on them.

  • Terry

    She must know by this point that she no longer has a chance.

    • Geminisunmars

      We can only hope that she is suffering terribly because of that.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Terry:

      At the end, when everyone else knows all hope is lost, they usually hunker in the bunker.

      • jus_wonderin

        Is she going to be rousted out all disheveled, having grown out her beard?

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      You mean "know," as in "exercise rational thought to reach a reality-based conclusion? Commenter, PLEASE!

    • widestanceshakedown

      Just like her wedding night.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      The game is not over until they are under a desk in the fetal position.

    • mourningnmerica

      She must know by this point that water is wet.

    • piniella

      But but but…Jeebus told her to run!!!

  • Ducksworthy

    One L is the classic example of a former liberal who has been lesbian raped.

  • fuflans

    i bet she was wearing ugly shoes too.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Years ago, when the former San Francisco Police Chief was running for Mayor, he ran away from a gay crowd so fast he lost one of his shoes.

      They auctioned it off.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    "Some college kids have just showed up on private property to crash a private party! Quick, call the police to cordon off an area for them to stand around in!"

    Michele's story doesn't make sense to me, but one thing I've learned is, never delve into a crazy person's story.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Sounds likeit wouldn't take that much effort to guarantee we never have to see her bony ass in public again. Somebody post her itinerary and a signup list.

  • Redhead

    Shit, to Michele, just existing is a threat if you're one of the 98237498263597283958273 different colors/genders/religions/sexual orientations that offend her.

  • Redhead

    PS – What does Gawker have against anus burgers and Ken? ( http://gawker.com/5846865/did-the-new-iphone-brea… – "This Doritos = Anonymous thing reminds me a lot of the Anus Burgers running-gag that helped make Wonkette the hideous train wreck it is today. I would think if you could have only one goal as a writer, you should at least go for "never reminding anyone of Ken Layne's prose style ever, even by accident.")

    Is it because he doesn't make commenters audition for the "privilege" of commenting on his site and then constantly threaten to ban them because he's pmsing?

    • SorosBot

      Considering how poor the quality of commenting on Gawker has gotten lately, Ken should take an insult from one of them as a complement.

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

      An insult from Gawker should be worn like a medal of blogger honor.

    • widestanceshakedown

      Oh, bitch (referring to gawker of course) please. Gawker traded its credibility to Gossip Girl for a hand job years ago (sorry, Jim).

      Thanks, Redhead for reminding me to never break my vow to never give that aspires-to-be-a-cesspool a page view again.

      • Redhead

        I just felt like I should show SOME kind of solidarity to the other redhead from this site… but I really don't get how it works over there. If anyone says anything funny, a mob of uberearnest commenters goes after them for being mean, all the while making fun of the uberearnest trying-too-hard hipsters they act like. And then the editors ban them all for using the word "purple" in a sentence, which became against the rules .3 seconds ago. Yet people still get grovel-y over being able to AUDITION to leave uberearnest, not funny at all comments. AND they make fun of anus burgers and the brilliance that is Ken Layne.

        I'd say Wonketteers should launch a comment-bombing war like we used to do with that one blog (was it the birther one? I just remember the bad 90s layout/color scheme/fonts that made your head hurt), but the Gawkerites'd probably take "bomb" and "war" seriously and report us to the FBI or something. Humph.

        • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

          WARBLOG!!!!!!!!

        • widestanceshakedown

          Best thing to happen to Wonkette was to be free of Gawker. It only got better as the former overlord got worse.

  • DaRooster

    She was probably at a family reunion or some shit.

  • Troglodeity

    This could really harm Michelle's campaign for Deputy Secretary of Health & Human Services.

  • owhatever

    She should visit us in Colorado at a cantaloupe farm. We would promise no protesters at all would show up, and she can devour some delicious cantaloupe slices and talk about the President badly. Then eat some more cantaloupe. All that stuff about cantaloupes carrying a deadly disease is the usual librul propaganda, Michele. Come, eat, teach, eat, and enjoy. It's a wonderful day in Colorado.

    • PalinzADummy

      You don't like Teh KrayKray LayD much, do you?

  • jus_wonderin

    "And then Michele sent all of these students to be waterboarded by Jesus and St. Paul at Gitmo for a thousand years, in her mind."

    This is exactly the plot of an old (and new) Twilight Zone I was watching the other day. Did she turn her head down looking out through distainful, evil eyes disapprovingly, wishing them into the cornfield???

  • FakaktaSouth

    "And then Michele sent all of these students to be waterboarded by Jesus and St. Paul at Gitmo for a thousand years, in her mind."

    I wonder if we could get some kind of Waterboarded FOR Jesus program going. Like extreme baptisms or something. I bet they would totally go for it. I would go to church to see that.

    • PalinzADummy

      I'd go with you. (Yeah, the church would probably collapse. It's been that long.)

      • FakaktaSouth

        You and me both, I can see the lightning and walls a tumbling down. We could go around just tearing shit up – like some kind of "reclaiming this property for something that will pay property taxes" destruction tour.

        • PalinzADummy

          I'll bring my claw hammer.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Oh my god that is going to be my new response to everything.
            "They got $3 Margaritas at Jalepeno's tonight." – "I'll bring my claw hammer."

          • PalinzADummy

            I ain't goin' drinkin' with ya if yer gonna bring one, though. Don't wanna get my ass beat to the deserving pulp I know it will be. ;-)

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Clearly, she can't tolerate other people making fun of her. Surprise, surprise. Guess who else took her/himself very seriously?

    • PalinzADummy

      Er … Hitler?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Enough crazy ineptitude Michele. It is fun reading about how insane you are but it's time to move on to Fox News.

  • savethispatient

    "entreaties in Bachmann’s general direction."
    Obviously the author is a Python fan, is 'entreaties' a fancy journalism-school word for "fart"?

  • hagajim

    "Poweshiek County "? Is this where all the shiek's without oil live? Isn't that some sharia law violation on Shelley's part?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    I’m beginning to think she wouldn’t make a very good president.

  • AntonovBureau

    Attention sociology and/or psychology students:
    Please conduct some live experiments to figure out what formula of events, chants, cat-calls, signs, etc give Michelle one of her evil headaches and make her go all Crazy. No control subject necessary.

  • ttommyunger

    Iowa farm clod Danny must be angling for some Federal Assistance (which could be facilitated in her role as a Congresswoman), not even an Iowa farmer is dumb enough to invest actual money in the furtherance of this dumb twat's Presidential aspirations.

  • comrad_darkness

    I get it now. She isn't running for president, she's running for Queen. No reason to mix with the peasantry in that case.

  • piniella

    She's a frigging paranoid coward.

  • datateday

    Michelle Bachmann makes a good Bible!

  • flamingpdog

    Pfft, if someone could get Chris Christie to lose 50 pounds and donate the excess skin to CrazyEyes, that problem would be solved.

  • V572 Moon!

    They've built a whole platform out of butt-hurted-ness. Even when they had Chimpy in the WH, both houses of Congress, and SCOTUS, they were running around whining about how the big mean liberals were always taking their lunch money. It's a pose, of course, but it appeals to to the people who actually have been hurt by the last 12 years of top-down class warfare.

  • AJWjr.

    PeeWee Herman football, since today is mash shit up Wednesday.

  • PalinzADummy

    The only way Governor Fatass D'Lardbag is gonna lose 50 lb is if someone staples his jaw, and his gut, shut.

  • PalinzADummy

    Peewee Herman Cain football?

  • PalinzADummy

    And Michele does worse than most.

  • Boojum_Reborn

    Or cuts off a toe.

  • PalinzADummy

    It's wrong of me to laugh out loud at that, isn't it?

  • Boojum_Reborn

    Only if he actually cuts of a toe. Or, no, not even then. Yes, laugh.