twenty pulitzers for alison kosik

Dim CNN Reporter’s News Analysis of Protesters: They Just ‘Smoke Weed’

Oh hahahahahahaha we laughed so hard at this one.HAR HAR the whiny hippie 4-year-olds and their marijuana drugs and their stupid drum circles protesting nothing down on Wall Street, that’s a funny! Such wit! Since there is no “opinions are my own” disclaimer on the Twitter feed of CNN business reporter Alison Kosik, we will assume this is the actual official “investigative journalism” of CNN’s crack stable of petulant child-reporter comedians. What other brilliant insights are there to be shared?

Kosik already took the tweet down for some mysterious reason, we are guessing “because it’s idiotic” was not the reason, since she also tweeted this helpful bit of analysis earlier:

Oh wait, so now they do have some demands, but they are too

Haha, “journalism” used to be sort of a nice thing people could turn to for some information about what was happening in the world instead of simply turning on the Internet only to find themselves subjected to a ceaseless stream of complaints from reporters on Twitter. This is an actual “thing” now, reporters bitching constantly that the Wall Street protesters have no list of concrete demands yet, because journalists can only report about themselves trying to report on the protests when the PROTESTS HAVE NO LEDE, THERE IS NO LEDE. WHAT TO DO??? Eh, just complain.

Meanwhile, there is a large labor union solidarity march planned for 4:30 PM today from City Hall to Zuccotti Park, and New York college students are holding a walk-out to protest high tuition rates. Hooray! These things may or may not happen, of course, since it depends on whether they can all break away from their drums and weed long enough.  [Jay Rosen’s Tumblr/Twitter]

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  1. 4TheTurnstiles

    She's a complainer and a whiner. Naturally, she sees complainers and whiners in everyone and everything, and whines about them. Probably has low self esteem and an underperforming clitoris. &c.

    1. Chichikovovich

      I remember a NYT reporter whose rapid rise, it was pointed out to me by friends in the NY fishwrap trade, seemed to have a striking correlation to a series of divorces and separations among senior male editorial types. I wonder what country we will invade in ten years or so thanks to Alison Kosik's credulous, shoddy reporting.

      1. not that Dewey

        There are plenty of career paths that do not involve any sort of reading at all, like, say, Alabama tomato picker. Perhaps she should consider another line of work.

    1. neiltheblaze

      See – I figured there must be one of those because our intrepid CNN "reporter" says that "the list of whines is too long already".

      Great to see such grand objectivity in the media.

      1. not that Dewey

        I think she was talking to her waiter while dictating a Blackberry message to the intern. "Just pick me a goddamn merlot. The list of wines is too long already!"

    2. SarahsBush

      To her credit, it's hard to read that through all the pot smoke. Maybe if those whiners would stop playing their bongos for two fucking seconds, she could concentrate.

    3. Jukesgrrl

      The MSM seem, in general, to be especially miffed that this movement doesn't have a "leader." If I got a dollar every time I heard the sentence, "It's impossible to tell who the leader of this group is!" I'd be able to buy a can of hobo beans.

      1. not that Dewey

        For all their bitching and moaning and decrying "Cults of Personality", they're totally lost without the Charismatic Leader Model.

  2. Lucidamente1

    She's confusing what the news director told he when she asked how to get ahead in the business: "let me bang Alison Kosik."

    1. mumbly_joe

      I tried banging on bongos once, but it's a lot harder than you'd think; they're pretty small, so you keep on falling off.

  3. SorosBot

    Of course I remember them complaining about the much worse lack of a coherent purpose and whinness of the teabaggers.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Not to mention that CNN is now constantly referring to this protest as "the progressive's Tea Party."

      1. SorosBot

        Except this can get more than a few hundred people, the people are demographically diverse instead of almost all old white people, and instead of an hour or two it's been lasting weeks.

        1. Negropolis

          You know, I keep saying this when people want to make the false equivalency. I'd like to see a few thousand teabaggers hold a sustained protest for anything longer than a day. They wouldn't make it a week if they actually had to building a community, because they can't building a community. They are the antithesis of a community.

          Maggie Thatcher said in more words that there is no such thing as a society. Fuck that. Suck on this, Maggie. People keep asking what "this" is. It's a community; it's society; it's really quite that simple. You all know community, right? It's that thing we've seemed to have lost in this nation.

    1. __kth__

      If there are hippies, there are probably drums, though bongos are pretty much an indoor percussion instrument. If I have to bump in to a riled-up protester on the way to work, I'd just as soon he were armed with a snare drum or a cowbell than a Glock.

  4. Oblios_Cap

    "Banging on bongos and smoking weed" sounds like a much more noble purpose than "screw as many people out of their life savings as humanly possible" ever will.

  5. Lucidamente1

    I think she means "I banged every CNN exec in sight and Erin Burnett still got her own show."

  6. Mumbletypeg

    I would like to see this wench locked in a pen with Mr. Waggaman while he explains to her the meaning behind this 'purposeful protest,' in about 140 words or less.

    Or any of you wonketeers, really. Myself, I failed pretty badly at trying to explain to the teenaged hairdresser last weekend, in whose chair I found myself tripping over my words trying to offset her [rather uninformed] skepticism. But I'm working at getting better.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Start with: why do they get to commit fraud for a decade and then keep all money from committing that fraud along with the taxpayer bailout money, OUR money, that they blackmailed from us. And now they get to legally bribe OUR congress to avoid any and all regulations that keep them from repeating the whole damn credit debacle again.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      Somebody asked Bernanke yesterday ("Do you understand what these protesters want?") and he gave a summary in about four sentences that was spot-on. How amazing that HE can get the message and CNN cannot. And meanwhile all those wankers probably have degrees in "communications."

    1. HistoriCat

      Where is Riley? Arrested? Sick? Got a better offer (sex)?

      Damn it Riley – you're not a slacker intern any more!

    1. mayor_quimby

      I like your new moniker. I live not far from CNN Center, maybe I should make a sign that says "Report the news, you CNNTs!" and march around after work. Oh wait, I have a drum circle/foodtruck meetup/dutchie session from 5p-6am, so never mind.
      Being a dirty hippie is hard.

      1. El Pinche

        Yep, this dirty hippie has to put together a power-point presentation before noon followed by an after-lunch joint. Just keepin it real.

      2. Nothingisamiss

        There are foodtrucks near the CNN center in Atl? Up here in suburbia they made them all illegals (GET IT??!). I'm a dirty hippie (not so much, bitch from CNNt) and I demand cheap delicious food with my financial reform.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          I don't know about Atlanta, but apparently the Manhattan food trucks are making a Wall Street-style "killing" at the protest. Funny, I don't remember food trucks at the anti-draft protests. These kids are clever.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    the list of whines is too long already.

    You kow what's not on their list of whines? "Those bongo-playing potheads are cluttering up the offices of my corporate overlords and interfering with my commute."

    1. comrad_darkness

      When's the plutocracy and cleptocracy gotta go? Now!

      At one point these greedy bastards understood that taxes were an insurance policy against having to hire a personal army to enjoy their money. They got so blinded by greed they forgot and really, getting angry in their face is about the only reminder that is going to work at this point.

      1. Pithaughn

        Just for grins, how may I "getting angry in their face" and still not get arrested for nothing more than one of those misdemeanor charges that they throw out en mass later? Should I just sharpen and put a fresh coat of boiled linseed oil on the handle of my pitch fork, or do I need to go with the more primitive pointed ten foot pole?

    2. Radiodead

      But I thought Pluto is no longer a planet. It's been relegated to space junk status or something.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        I thought that was the Bush Administration. With the apogee of the goofiocracy being the nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court.

  8. ManchuCandidate

    Economic protest = Reefer Madness

    Rather than actually focus on why these people are mad as hell about Wall St CNN would rather focus on the habits or peculiarities of the protesters. Why? Follow the money trail. CNN pays its bills from advertising. Mostly from insurance scams, er, companies, dick pills and financial institutions of ill repute. They're trying to protect their revenue golden showers.

    1. mayor_quimby

      Good Point. I got restless leg syndrome, thin eyelashes, high cholesterol,erectile dysfunction and atrial fibrulation just from watching cable news.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        And you will get your idea to sue all the manufacturers of the drugs you've taken from watching any channel after midnight.

    2. Buckminster

      I've noticed the Big 3 have been pretty shy about sticking their noses into this story, preferring to squander huge piles of airtime on Amanda Knox and Michael Jackson's frickin' doctor friend. They all suck.

  9. DaRooster

    "… explain their purpose in 140 characters…"
    Hey, Dipshit, there really is more worth to the world than 140 characters… maybe not your world but to the rest of it.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      One hundred forty characters? I've watched several Shakespeare plays, and he got along fine with a couple of dozen. Is this Ben Hur?

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      "I want my country back" also fits nicely, with some extra characters for expletives…

    2. Buckminster

      "Give our country back," is nice, but it didn't work for the Native Americans, so I doubt it will work now.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Yes, because they are Producers of goods and services and therefore useful members of society.

      Oh, wait . . .

    2. Nothingisamiss

      Is she a job creator, too? Or is she a vapid hole of intellectual nothingness who looks pretty on camera?

    1. Nothingisamiss

      Who would know? I hear there's nobody important there or more reporting would be forthcoming.

  10. kissawookiee

    If a list of demands responding to a complex and decades-old structural power imbalance cannot be boiled down to 140 characters, well, they're hardly worth thinking about, much less reading. Less reading, there's the ticket! Cain/Twatter 2012!

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      Does nobody use an acid-tipped spiked dick anymore?
      (Ezra Klein's got one, if anyone's looking)

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      A story probably best reserved for Jeanne Moos, because she can turn anything into funny.

  11. Ruhe

    You know how most people who are fans of a particular band probably don't play music themselves or really understand much about how that is done? These tv "Finance Journalists" are like that. They are totally into Wall Street but seem in general to lack even a basic grasp of the terrifying complexity of the system they are supposed to report on.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I was into those dudes before anybody. Partied with them all the time. Asked me to be their manager. I called bullshit on that.

  12. Allmighty_Manos

    Good point Alison. Why would anyone have a problem with Wall Street, hedge funds and investment bankers? What have they done to make people so angry? It just doesn't make any sense.

  13. Frost/Nixon/Robocop

    You can't expect to be taken seriously as a meaningful protester in the 2000's without a hover-round.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Yeah, the newsbots have a lot of nerve criticizing the zombie costumes. I don't remember anyone complaining about the baggers outfits.

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      Dude, get up to date. We're in the 2010's now, and if you don't have six hundred people in your Facebook friends list to irritate with your drunk inanity, then your protest falls short of the mark. Might as well be doing guerilla theater or masturbating onstage.

  14. hagajim

    I imagine her IQ is about half of what a person of normal intelligence would have….bitch just got lucky that she has a job where she can bitch.

    1. Pithaughn

      More anecdotal evidence: The smartest person I ever met smoked so much dope that the paraquat killed him. But before he died he and his buddies were given $5million by AC Delco to start up an R&D operation. If you drive a car, you are using software that was first created at said lab. He also married a semi fine woman and fathered one exceptional child. He was also an accomplished bass player. Why the bass? "it's easier to haul around on a bike than my trap set" Doper, Drummer, Super advanced human.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      She doesn't know what a physicist IS. Now if one of the Kardashians was a physicist … I guess that's not possible.

  15. Oblios_Cap

    If it can't fit on a bumper sticker most Real 'Mericans can't be bothered to try and understand it. 140 characters is giving them way too much credit.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Maybe some of those zombies marching down the street are actually Edward R. Murrow and Eric Sevareid.

  16. widestanceshakedown

    I can see her hurricane disaster coverage/tweet now–"lotsa water/ded pple. so sad 4 them. outta here/kthnxbi"

  17. jodyleek

    If you look at Alison's avatar it pretty much explains it all; The top of her head is chopped off but her tits are in full view.

    1. chicken_thief

      Hell, if she's really desperate, I'll "take one for the team" and get 'er done. It is ok if I gag her and tie her hands to keep her from tweeting, right?!

  18. Rosie_Scenario

    Protesters not worth covering: well-educated, peaceful, "hippies," who are taking care of themselves in a city park.

    Protesters worth covering: ignorant (re: mispelled signs), racists in Hoverounds, sponsored by corporate masters and lobbyists.

  19. donner_froh

    Dear Media:

    The system that you have served so loyally over your entire existence is in the final stages of its collapse. The "Occupy Wall Street" movement is one of the many things happening that makes that clear. Writing uncomprehending stories about them will not slow the disintegration by one second.

    Have a nice career.


    Your biggest fan

    1. Nothingisamiss

      I wish this were true. I lack your optimism. Haven't you seen this season's Dancing with the Stars? Besides, taxes.

  20. Sue4466

    If only there were people whose job it was to ask the protestors what it is they're seeking?

    If only . . . .

      1. Sue4466

        But I'm not the only one . . .

        Or am I? Because it seems to me this dipshit admitted she's either too lazy or too stupid to do her job (answer, both). And that she lacks the curiosity & follow through one should expect from someone claiming to be a journalist.

        1. neiltheblaze

          I think she has no curiosity because she thinks she already knows what's happening (hippies, and bongoes, and weed – oh my!). Why ask questions when you already know the answers?

          The simple truth of it though? My guess? She's afraid to engage them because she knows she'll be embarrassed – possibly on the air. At least I want to believe that.

  21. freakishlywrong

    Alison. Better they roll around on fully gubbmint subsidized scooters yelling about socialized medicine with pictures of POTUS as a witch doctor with a bone in his nose? Fuck. Talk about high.

  22. BaldarTFlagass

    If it was just a bunch of hippies wanting to bang on drums and smoke dope, you'd figure they'd find someplace a little more conducive to those activities, like out in the forest or the desert or on some deserted stretch of beach, not in the very center of the most densely populated place on the whole fucking continent. Once again: stupid cunt.

  23. DashboardBuddha

    Unfortunately, if any political point of view needs more than 140 characters to be explained it will fall on the garbage heap of history.

    The idiotcracy is here.

  24. smitallica

    Stupid hippies. Why can't you just shut up and continue getting fucked by the 1% who owns everything, like those nice, quiet people in the Middle Eas…
    Oh, wait. Nevermind.

  25. lulzmonger

    Smoking weed could never render you stupid enough to believe that "140 characters" is a sane benchmark for journalism = CNN bitch needs to take her coke-dealer off the speed-dial.

  26. BaldarTFlagass

    Someone with the ability needs to send a tweet to that first chick Bookgirl96 and let her know that she is a "vapid shallow twat." That's less than 140, right?

  27. fuflans

    they keep wishing and propagandizing and tweeting and analyzing and bloviating that this will go away.

    it's not going away assholes.

    1. Come here a minute

      Sometimes I wish that I could STOP you from talking
      when I hear the silly things that you say.

  28. real_dc_native

    We all know that any discussion of issues or policies that can't be expressed in 140 characters or less is not important. (Because it makes my head hurt).

  29. SayItWithWookies

    If BookGirl96 wants it explained in 140 characters, she can try this: Government should benefit its citizens and the economy should benefit its consumers.

    With 56 characters left over for any extra retweeting. Now do you understand?

      1. Buckminster

        I think her reading ability probably limits her to "The Little Engine that Could" and "Dick and Jane."

  30. Tundra Grifter

    I continue to think it is interesting that people who are vocally against drugs – particularly weed – don't consider alcohol to be a drug. The drug of choice for the wealthy doesn't register on the scale. Years ago, a recovering alcoholic told me "There are more drunks on Montgomery Street than on Mission Street."

    Somehow, the dry white wine she sips each evening isn't a drug. But if a few folks decide it's a good time to twist a fatty, Western civilization is suddenly in peril.

    Meanwhile, why did this news network hire someone who can't tell the difference between the Occupy Wall Street Protest and Burning Man?

    1. Callyson

      Smoking a joint and protesting against Wall Street greed: bad
      Having a drink and organizing deals to enrich Wall Street: good

      1. Chichikovovich

        Drinking champagne on a terrace, flashing shit-eating smirks on punchable faces, ostentatiously cackling about your successful fleecing of the 99%: grrrrreat!

    2. Buckminster

      Have you ever noticed there are fewer and fewer non-pretty newspersons? Walter Kronkite never won any beauty pageants.

  31. SorosBot

    Based on that little photo, Kosik looks too be relatively young; it's sad to see that she's already acting like a grouchy old lady in "Hey kids, get off my lawn!" mode.

    1. Chichikovovich

      In tea party gatherings, there is already a message crafted well in advance at the Mackinac Center or similar Koch-and-other-Cocks-funded bullshit refinery. Then after the tricorn-hatted ones motor around shouting "Obama is a socialism!", "Obama is a muslin!", "Obama is a mausoleum!", "Obama is a moose!", "Obama = Hilter", "Jeff Gordon's a fag!", "Bring back Hee-Haw!" for four hours, a well-prepared silk-suit wearing spokesman of the sponsoring agency with a name like "Freedomstuff" can say "As you can see for yourself, Charlie, the focus of the protestors is the oppressively high corporate tax rate, and coercive union rules that keep great teachers from being retained."

  32. KommunistKitty

    Why won't these lazy weed-heads do these poor journalists jobs for them and write a 140 character summary of newsworthy events? Do these spoiled brats expect journalists to be able to analyze information and then offer an informative summary using only there minds? What a bunch of entitled hippies.

    1. Buckminster

      She probably considers reading press releases from Dow Chemical and Monsanto off the teleprompter to be investigative journalism. Twat.

  33. iburl

    Conflict of interest anyone?

    "Alison Kosik is a business correspondent for CNN. She is based in CNN’s bureau in New York. In addition to reporting live daily from the New York Stock Exchange in New York, she provides business and financial reporting for CNN networks and platforms."

    Not as bad as CNN's Erin Burnett shitting on the protesters as she prepares to marry a wall street titan.

    1. imissopus

      I happen to have just watched a couple of clips of her show online, including her "Seriously?!" bit on the OWS protests, and I can't believe this woman is considered a journalist. She's a horribly biased, intellectually lazy, screeching she-beast who should be relegated to a job where she does not have contact with other people, thus sparing the rest of humanity from being infected with her drivel.

      1. Chichikovovich

        "should be relegated to a job where she does not have contact with other people, thus sparing the rest of humanity from being infected with her drivel."

        Already done. She's on CNN.

  34. Callyson

    From CNN's website:
    Kosik began working for CNN in 2008. She covered the financial sector during the 2007 recession, the downfall of Lehman Brothers. She reported on the wave of home foreclosures, the flash crash of 2010 and President Obama’s 2009 Stimulus plan.
    And this moron still does not know why people have complaints about Wall Street? JFC…

    1. Chichikovovich

      Those were big events, and so CNN had to distribute tasks among their team. Kosik was detailed to cover fashion trends among the participants. She was the one who broke the big "Paulson wearing a wider tie" story that dominated the business shows for days. Also she gained the admiration of her colleagues when she was the first to use the phrase "tall and elegantly dressed" to describe Christine Lagarde.

    2. Buckminster

      Aw, come on. She's bent out of shape because she's older than Amanda Knox, who's hogging all the camera time.

  35. OKthennext

    I've been wondering what to send in a care package to:

    The UPS Store*
    Re: Occupy Wall Street
    118A Fulton St. #205
    New York, NY 10038

    I think I'll send a drum and some weed.

    *donation address posted on

  36. An_Outhouse

    Alison , here's my purpose: bang on you and smoke weed.

    How do these legacies get these jobs? Is it the boobs? Do I need to get myself some boobs?

  37. Chichikovovich

    The list is too long? What the hell? I read that list, and they still have pages of stuff to go. Repeal the Taft-Hartley act, for starters.

  38. user-of-owls

    "And now for a response to Alison Kosik's critical Twitter comments, we turn to Occupy Wall Street spokesman Maynard G. Krebs."

    1. chicken_thief

      It really really helps if you misspell the insults, you moran!

      See how that adds impact?

  39. weejee

    While the CNNts from CNN twat on about the Occupy Wall Street seminar on the role of quants in 21st century investing, MoJo is insanely reporting that the Jerry Brown and the State of Californication, in a frantic attempt to reduce prison populations, have declared that participation in lynchings and possession of weapons of mass destruction are no longer serious crimes in the Golden State. Huzzah! Rationality is finally showing its beloved head.

  40. Buckminster

    Yeah, explain some thirty years of public policy that has left the vast majority with the short end of the stick in 140 characters or less. Journalism used to be about in-depth, thorough coverage of news, not about the slick hair and the sound bite. Back before people like this twat walked the planet.

  41. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Put more emphasis on the weed, less on the bongos, and you will probably quadruple the number of protesters in a day.

  42. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, she should at least be in the running for the Pulitzer for "most compelling, evocative tweet."

  43. BlueStateLibel

    Oh, go put together another three-hour story about Chris Christie not running. And then discuss his weight for another three hours with your crack team of the universe's best team of blah, blah, blah.

  44. CapnFatback

    Kosik has a point: why settle for whine when you can be drinking champagne, on a balcony, heaping scorn and used caviar on the protestors?

  45. Antispandex

    The pictures say a lot. Average looking person = Bookgirl96, Obvious media whore who slept her way to the top = AlisonKosikCNN

  46. poncho_pilot

    i hate when people with fairly decent jobs complain…about having to do their fucking jobs.

    "hmm…what to do today? act like a journalist or tweet bad jokes?"

  47. Tundra Grifter

    You may not need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows, but sometimes it is helpful to have a reporter to tell us what's news.

    In this case, we have a reporter who needs a reporter – apparently she can't find out the news on her own. I must be confused, because up to know I pretty much figured that was her job.

  48. sati_demise

    She also complained of the smell, amirite? 'Cause people who camp out with no bathrooms tend to smell a little.

    At least honest BO does not set off my allergies like her fuckin' corporate approved 'perfume'. Do not ride in an elevator with this woman.

  49. sati_demise

    She is such a snobby cunt that no one at #OccupyWallStreet will talk to her?

    Go ahead pot smoking bongo players, talk to this poor woman!
    Let her do her job now.

  50. ttommyunger

    Ah yes, young, dumb and full of cum….Whose? We can only speculate, Alison, we can only speculate.

  51. Negropolis

    The media will so regret maligning this movement. You know what this is all about, recognizing that the financial overlords, through their imcompetence, drew a line on the sand and the left has finally awoken and demanded that everyone take a side. I pray our so-called betters make the right decision before it's too late…

  52. DahBoner

    That's funny!

    They didn't mention that a few years ago, New York City Diesel was going for $100 an eighth, delivered by bicycle messenger, to the Secret Smoker Brokers on Wall Street.

    They don't make hedge fund managers making 10 billion a year pee in a bottle, don't ya know…

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