the saddest thing

‘Hungry Child’ Sesame Street Muppet To Entertain Actual Hungry Children

Wow. Just Wow ...Because so many millions of American children are plopped in front of the teevee to watch Sesame Street instead of getting any breakfast, what with 45 million people on food stamps and tens of millions with no jobs and other economic unpleasantness, the folks at the Children’s Television Workshop will introduce a sad new muppet character, “Lily,” who does not have enough food to eat and so is wasting away as the other characters sort of uncomfortably go about their already weirdly doomed lives.

Reuters reports:

A new poverty-stricken Muppet will highlight the issue of hunger struggles on an episode of “Sesame Street”, the show said in a statement on Tuesday.

Pink-faced Muppet Lily, whose family deals with food insecurity, will join Big Bird, Elmo and other favorites on a one-hour prime-time special featuring country star Brad Paisley and his wife Kimberly Williams Paisley called “Growing Hope Against Hunger,” to air Oct 9.

And then Hank Williams Jr. is going to stagger drunk onto the set (believing he’s back at Fox News) and strangle the muppet girl while yelling about the coloreds stealing his “legacy” or whatever. [Reuters via Occupy Wall Street]

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  1. Trannysurprise

    The report failed to mention the other new Muppet – Muppet Christie Kreme. Sort of the opposite of Muppet Lily.

    1. HipHop0Potamus

      I'm guessing Christie Kreme will bear a striking resemblance to Cookie Monster, sans the new-found love of vegetables?

      1. mumbly_joe

        I always thought that Cookie Monster was a pretty impressive way to teach children about the horrors of addiction, back in the day. I mean, it's not just his love of cookies, but the fact that, being unable to control himself, he always ruins things for everyone around him, in the process.

        Not sure how I feel about the new "cookies are a sometimes food" Cookie Monster, honestly.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Yeah, isn't that sort of like a hopeless drunk coming to realize he can only have one two drinks, and then stop for the day? I think we should expect more verisimilitude from our cloth and felt hand operated spokespersons.

    1. James Michael Curley

      I'm naming my next kid Cuisinart because what ever I put in it become an unappetizing mush.

    2. Arken

      Now that you mention it, most of the Sesame Street muppets have old-fashioned names you don't hear as much anymore- Ernie, Bert, Grover, Oscar, Telly, Elmo…

  2. Spurning Beer

    The Children's Television Workshop is treading dangerously close to the kind of parftisanship that can get your funding yanked these days. If they don't actually get Bocephus on the show, they may need to add another character, the child of the slumlord who owns the tenements on Sesame Street, and can't get the boiler fixed in Grover's building because of his crushing tax burden.

    1. Guppy06

      I still remember Louisiana's Billy Tauzin trying to yank funding over an HIV-positive Muppet that wasn't even going to be on the US version of Sesame Street.

      So… yeah. There'll be a measure introduced to defund over this by this time next week.

  3. Doktor Zoom

    For added realism, they should have a Heritage Foundation muppet who mocks Lily's family for claiming that they're "poor" even though they own luxury items like a refrigerator, oven, coffeemaker, cell phone, and a color TV. Then the Heritage Foundation muppet will insist that Lily might eventually get more food if we eliminated taxes on capital gains.

    And then it will go to church, probably.

          1. tihond

            "Now let's ask Dorothy about Obama. That's right Dorthy, Elmo thinks birth certificate raise serious questions."

    1. PsycWench

      It will talk about going to church but unless it's Christmas or Easter, will find something better to do.

  4. Radiodead

    Then they can bring in her newest friend Annie. Annie Recksic. The Count, however is not interested in either.

  5. Lucidamente1

    If they catch too much flak, the producers are ready with another character, Ayn, who tells Lily it's all her fault.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      In a libertarian world, more of us may choose to live, free of regulation, in our neighborhood trashcan!

  6. BlueStateLibel

    I want to see Raging Proletariat Muppet – you know, the angry America citizen who hangs banker Muppets from the lamp posts.

  7. GuanoFaucet

    Near the end of the episode, new Muppet Libby, the libertarian, will scream "Fuck you, I got mine!" while Muppet Lily starves to death in an alley.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Unless it has changed lately, there are always random chickens walking around in various skits. I'd go for those first, because Big Bird has had all kinds of nasty exposures over 30 years of living on NYC streets.

  8. jodyleek

    Hank Jr. won't strangle the little muppet girl until AFTER he sexually assaults her. Or, maybe during, I don't know his life.

  9. seppdecker

    CTW is cool, so long as they have a country musician to act as a beard for their compassion. It's the liberal equivalent of conservatives' , "Some of my best friends are black/ wimmen/ messican/ muslin/ homo/ liberal…"

    1. powersuit

      Are we, as a country, too cynical to hear this sort of truth any more? Do politicians feel real empathy any more? Maybe things were the same back in '69–or awful in a different way–but when was the last time you heard real truth be spoken and heard in the political arena?

  10. NorthStarSpanx

    A Matanuska-Susitna (Valley of the Palins) School Superintendent got up to speak about food sourcing to the school district and went on to break all our bleeding, socialist hearts about how many thousands of hot breakfasts and lunches the school provided hungry kids neglected by their parents as the State's very own trenchant Values Voters demographic.

    No shit, the kids wouldn't look forward to the weekends, cause they'd be hungry. How many sleeps until we come back to school? They'd ask.

    Need to cinch that Bible Belt up tight, if you got Sarah's own kids eating burnt mac n' cheese, you know things are bad all over.

    1. Polythene_Pam

      Our suburban school district has started keeping the middle school cafeteria open during the summer, so that the free-lunch kids can come in for breakfast & lunch. Not sure how that's funded, actually.

      School principals have also discretely started sending home weekend backpacks with some kids, full of enough food to get them through until Monday. I'm not sure where the funding's coming from for that project, either.

      This world sucks right now in so many ways. But, it's also freaking beautiful.

        1. Doktor Zoom

          Jesus only wants VOLUNTARY help for the poors. If the gummint uses someone else's money, even a few cents, to feed the poors, it's THEFT. And THEFT is a far worse sin than letting poors starve.

          As I say every time, these fuckers seem to have mistaken the Parable of the Talents for the entirety of the New Testament

    2. not that Dewey

      Albuquerque public schools has a policy now of humiliating the children of parents whose subsidized breakfast/lunch accounts are in arrears:

      Second-grader Danessa Vigil said she will never eat sliced cheese again. She had to eat cheese sandwiches because her mother couldn't afford to give her lunch money while her application for free lunch was being processed.

      "Every time I eat it, it makes me feel like I want to throw up," the 7-year-old said.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free…but that little bitch's lunch isn't.

        1. not that Dewey

          I think they may have misunderstood Jesus's instruction to "suffer the little children". He didn't mean "cause them to suffer".

  11. KeepFnThatChicken

    Brad Paisley. What a sellout. Might as well take up with that filthy fucking Jeff Dunham.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Yeah, when are they going to roll out the Sister Mary Not Contrary character out already? It's only fair for a Christian Nation to be represented on Sesame Street.

      Let's throw in Militia Mikey and Hard Worker Bristol while we are at it.

  12. Pragmatist2

    Given the obesity crisis maybe they could come up with a fat Muppet also. Make him stupid and insensitive and call him "Christie."

  13. hollywooddood

    And in an effort to create a happy fairytale ending, Hank Williams, Jr., in another display of loutish ignorance, yells, "I'm buying hot dogs for everyone!"

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      YES! YES! THIS is the very reason why I hate Jeff Dunham so much. He's a sad little man with his hand stuck up a puppet's ass.

      (I am humbled by your follow, btw, because you are too fucking funny.)

      1. Barb

        I am the one who is humbled, thanks and good morning. I struggled with that post for a good 10 minutes. The Mountain Dew and Pop Rocks are starting to kick in though.

      2. Texan_Bulldog

        God, I hate Jeff Dunham, too. Never mind that he isn't even FUNNY–that whole puppet shit is just creepy! I'd rather watch Dane Cook…which tells you how bad I hate Dunham.

        1. Barb

          The first time I heard, "silence, I KEEL you!" I laughed. Then it was all the same dumb jokes and I was let down.

          1. Doktor Zoom

            I've remained blissfully unaware of this Dunham guy,mostly, but that line sounds like it was stolen from Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

            Though Triumph would have said, "I POOP on you!"

          2. SorosBot

            I think that's the one from the Arab racist puppet, who of course is a terrorist. Luckily I've managed to avoid him enough that I don't recall his other racist puppets.

          3. horsedreamer_1

            I'll call that WASP asshole whatever I want to. Call my grandfather a Dago at USO event, and your reactionary ass is in for punishment.

            In other words, fuck Bob Hope. With a knife. Serrated, too.

  14. James Michael Curley

    All the gang on Sesame Street should roll Christie for his lunch money. The street would be able to eat for a month on that. Gotta be a dumb neighborhood being named after a seed useful only to keep a roll from looking boring.

      1. James Michael Curley

        No, of course not. I plan to retire to Tahini, hang my hummus between two trees and make a living sell eggs from cage free chick peas.

    1. PalinzADummy

      High in calcium. Also, yields an excellent flavoured oil when toasted and pressed, see Sesame oil, Asian.

  15. SorosBot

    And then they'll be the asshole muppet, who says it's her own fault for being poor, and spins a completely insane bullshit story that anyone who works hard enough can make themselves rich, and rich people get there by virtue of merit, not luck. Then hopefully the other muppets will beat that one into a fluffy mess.

    1. BarryOPotter

      … the other muppets will beat that one into a fluffy mess.

      while screaming "you merit this beat-down, you lucky bag of fluff!

  16. KobayashiMaru

    I don't read them, I really don't, but just knowing that soon, Red State/Freeper/Blaze posts and comments will cruelly mock and scoff at this…sigh. I wasn't viscerally sad enough at the prospect of a starving Muppet.

    1. 4tehlulz_lite

      How do we know she's really starving? She's looking kind of plump to me. And her clothes look too new for her to be really poor.

      1. Nothingisamiss

        Let's make her shop at Goodwill. It won't save duh gov't any money, but it's a good idea, amirite?

    2. Mumbletypeg

      One needn't expect the worst. Socio-political props in purple fuzzy-felty costumes occasionally win over the grumpiest sticks in the mud. Look how well Tinky Winky fared! …That show's still on teh tubez, right?

  17. Texan_Bulldog

    Shouldn't Lily be brown? Just seems like all the pasty pink-faced kids in my neighborhood have plenty to eat…

    1. BerkeleyBear

      You'd be surprised. Lots of poor white kids out there eating free breakfast. Especially the ones whose parents are underwater on their crapbox houses they bought in the overdeveloped exurbs in the 90s and 00s. Unfortunately, a lot of their parents are so brainwashed they voted for the GOP policies that make it impossible to fund free and discounted lunch fully.

      1. Nothingisamiss

        Still. They STILL support the GOP policies that make their kids go to school hungry. Still.

  18. 4tehlulz_lite

    Well, they already have a homeless guy in a trash can, so I don't see how this would increase awareness of poverty.

      1. Chichikovovich

        And Jesus = supply-side capitalist who thought the poor only needed lessons in personal responsibility. Hitler = tree-hugging liberal socialist

  19. Mumbletypeg

    Soon as they get Lily situated with some square meals, someone should really look into the problem with her physiognomy. The eyeballs so close together.. that just ain't natural.

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      This does seem to open up a whole new world of Muppet characters.
      How about Carrie the anorexic cutter?
      Her and Lily could get together and count ribs.
      1 rib
      2 ribs
      3 ribs
      4 ribs

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          You fucked up by not putting the little ™ or the © or the ® behind it. Law of the capitalist jungle.

      1. Nothingisamiss

        Oh, laws, you made me laugh! When can I steal this joke in my other, so called "real" life? When?!

    2. Eve8Apples

      Sniffles is Lily's mom. She was convicted of selling meth and she's serving a 3 to 5 year sentence in the Sesame Slammer.

  20. SaintRond

    This is about as funny as a dead smoker's lungs on display.

    We've all got a raging case of PTSD.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      I use cream on my raging PTSD, but mostly it stays in control with a few dietary restrictions.

      1. SaintRond

        Hey, I laughed like hell, with the realization that these fuckers have driven us all a little insane. How could they not?

  21. JackDempsey1

    Somebody's got to punch up the writing at CTW or this show is toast.
    Any possibility that severe hunger pangs could transform Lily into an angry robot?

  22. Indiepalin

    Rumors of an off-screen romance between Lily and South Park's lovable druggie, Towelie are just that: rumors!

    1. horsedreamer_1

      She'll hook up with Token, and name the baby resulting after the "foodstamp president".

      But, no. Heavens, no. Newt Gingrich isn't racist.

    1. Swampgas_Man

      There's a segment of Harvey fucking Fierstein singing "Everything's Coming Up Noses" that floors me every time.

  23. mereoblivion

    " . . . as the other characters sort of uncomfortably go about their already weirdly doomed lives."
    So Sesame Street is still a most excellent way of gently introducing kids to the world of grownups!

  24. bigdupa

    Why doesn't Lily just hang around Cookie Monster and eat all the crumbs that spatter from his face? Lily is just a socialist freeloader. Mr. Hooper better watch is fruit cart.

  25. widestanceshakedown

    Lily may be hungry, but she is proud, like the Founding Children, and will not whine about how awful bootstrap tastes.

  26. El Pinche

    She's the opposite of Ms. Piggy. Lily is a poor starving hand-out taking libtard while Ms. Piggy is a violent morbidly obese conservative horny former pageant princess. I'll give her credit for being a freaky frog lover.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      No way Piggy is a repub. She's fat and freaky and a diva. She didn't learn her moves by protesting gay marriage, I can tell you that.

  27. Nopantsmcgee

    They were gonna have a Muppet that represents the Tea Party, ("Screamy") but it would take 24 well-muscled Muppeteers and too much felt to make it worthwhile. They are publicly financed, you know.

  28. Nothingisamiss

    Can they balance this out with an obese muppet on a hoveround who gets her government check and spends it on high fructose corn syrup so that she needs government money to buy her insulin so that she can continue going to protests on public transportation that gather in a public park to complain about government waste?

    'Cause it'd be fun if Lily still didn't get anything to eat because there was "no money" for foodstamps.

  29. Callyson

    Warning: do NOT give in to morbid curiosity and look at the comment on the Free Republic website's story on this topic. Not if you want to preserve a shred of faith in humanity, or at least keep your last meal…

  30. mavenmaven

    For balance they ought to also have a new puppet named Cracky, the neighborhood meth addict, which would explain why the muppets don't have teeth.

  31. HarryButtle

    Cookie monster will give you a treat if you blow him. Or so I have heard…nevermind, forget I mentioned it.

  32. sati_demise

    this is so sad.
    We let giant processed food corporations and Wall Street commodity traders starve 25% of American children?

    Someone ought to protest this fact! On Wall Street or somewhere…

    1. horsedreamer_1

      She just his latest ho, but after he fuck her a few times/she gets wrinkles, he thru with it.

  33. Negropolis

    The Paisley's are unusually good people is really all I have to say. They do a helluva lot of good work without bragging about it.

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