Add to Flipboard Magazine.

Look for your corpse-of-Reaganite messiah elsewhere, teabagger turds.Well, that’s it! The Republicans’ “Jersey Jesus” of capitalism, gigantic space blob Chris Christie, announced all super-formal like that he will not run for President despite a year’s worth of weepy pleas from the club of Republican insider weiners who begged him with platters of diamond-encrusted donuts and filthy Kochsucker cash to rescue them from the nightmarishly incompetent field of wax-figure knobgoblins stacking the current GOP presidential field. This is Christie’s “definitive” response following a few weeks of tense, feverish piddling from the media over whether he would join the race, which means we should be reading another “Will Christie run even though he is fat?” headline in a couple weeks.


At a jammed Statehouse news conference, Gov. Chris Christie announced today that he would not seek the Republican nomination for president in 2012.

“What I felt was the right decision remains the right decision,” Christie said. “Today is not my time.

“I will not abandon my commitment to New Jersey. I will fix a broken New Jersey. I’m proud of the work we’ve done, but I know I’m not nearly done.”

Yeah, there are a few well-paid teachers and small kids with state health insurance still miraculously wandering around New Jersey in 2011. HIS WORK IS NOT DONE. []

Previous articleCongress Proposes To Legalize Robot Drone Assaults On Cell Phone Users
Next articleCalifornia's Gazillion Prisoners Also Rioting