republican family values

Tea Party Leader’s Hooker Sex Scandal Unfairly Ruining All His Fun

His last name is pronounced Chicago teabagger organizer-goon king Steve Stevlic mysteriously went AWOL at his own TEACON lunatic festival that he put together this weekend after Gawker reported that he was arrested in 2010 for being a hooker-sex fiend who also, like all such “family values people,” compensated by screaming profusely at a Democrat sex cheater on Twitter. Neat how that “moral math” works, right? Despite having absolved himself thus, Stevlic was still a no-show at his teabagger demon circus, so from now on what we can all say about Steve Stevlic is that he loves sex with prostitutes more than he loves patriotism. Stevlic meanwhile meekly sent out a lecturing “official statement” from his hiding cave compound asking what everyone’s problem is, why care about a silly sex scandal more than “issues,” etc. Except that judging from our daily Google News homepage, sex scandals are actually the Only Issue that America cares about. So, uh, good luck with that argument, Steve!

From Patch.com:

TEACON 2011 organizer Steve Stevlic did not attend the second day of the conference he helped organize amid a report on Gawker that he was arrested for soliciting a prostitute.

The arrest occurred more than year ago in June 2010, Tea Party officials stated.

“My family and I dealt with this matter and we’ve successfully moved forward in our relationship,” Stevlic said in a prepared statement. “The charges surrounding this incident were dropped against me over a year ago and with all the issues we are facing in our country right now, I’m not sure why this deserves a headline.”

Chicago Tea Party spokesperson Eric Kohn said the issue was an “internal matter.” When asked if Stevlic had resigned from the Tea Party, Kohn had no comment.

And absolutely NONE of this reporting does anything to resolve the most important issue, which is whether this was a gay hooker or just a boring old lady hooker. AMERICA NEEDS TO KNOW. [Patch/Gawker]

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260 comments

      1. Limeylizzie

        Wow, I though I had done pretty much anything that could be done with a cock, except for the old back-door action, but I have never snorted one.

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          I think a combination of a real big nose and a real small cock are required. But that's just a guess.

          1. jus_wonderin

            Though, not expressly illustrated by my Gravatar, I have a big nose. And we all know what they say about guys with big noses, don't we?

      1. elviouslyqueer

        Now Lascaux, you must have me confused with any Palin including, but not limited to, Trigg and Willow's unborn fetus.

    1. PalinzADummy

      Yeah, he's kinda hovering between gay-leaning bisexual and TOTALLY FUCKING GAY on my GaydarMeter.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      No, that's the hookers that hang out at the Libertarian rave-ups. Those girls have taken a lot of cherries, believe you me.

        1. jus_wonderin

          It sort sounds like something Jeebus could pull off. Like walking on water and that fish tale thingy.

    2. nonbeliever7

      I'd guess the Tea Party hookers are much smarter than their clients. Aftere a few meaningless compliments ("you really remind me of Ronnie Reagan"), they get twice the cash for half the effort.

  1. Indiepalin

    So if you love sex with prostitutes more than you love patriotism, you might just be a teabagger.

    1. Negropolis

      "So if you love sex with prostitutes more than you love patriotism, you might just be a teabagger man."

      /fixed

  2. CZL

    The only internal matter here is whether he pulled out, thus committing Onan's sin.

    I've got my Stone of Judgment ready.

      1. proudgrampa

        My favorite Dorothy Parker story: asked to use horticulture in a sentence, she said, "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

        She is one woman I would love to meet, if I could go back in time.

        1. LesBontemps

          "If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."

          –DP

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            "Pearls before swine."

            –DP, when her arch enemy Clare Booth Luce stepped aside to let her enter a door first, whilst purring "Age before beauty."

  3. prommie

    Yes! Yesssss! Sex, dirty dirty sex! And the funniest kind of sex of all, unsuccesful attempts at sex! ha ha, I say, Ha hahahahahaha! Funny Teatard can't even hire a hooker succesfully! Can there be anything much more humiliating than getting busted for mopery?

    1. OzoneTom

      And here I thought that that "couldn't organize a hand-job in a whore-house" was just a quaint expression…

    2. PalinzADummy

      Not to pry, or anything, prommie — oh well, WTF, I *am* fucking prying — but — are you getting enough of the old slap-and-tickle? Because there's something downright ravenous about that comment, dood.

  4. metamarcisf

    If it wasn't for all the issues facing this country right now, this story would deserve a headline.

    1. baconzgood

      That works on sooooo many levels know how they loved to teabag america and have cons like Sarah.

    2. fuflans

      i was driving back from ohare this morning (driving my boy to a family funeral) and i heard this on the radio in context of "only hermann showed up" and i thought: i can't wait to read wonkette on TEACON.

  5. veritass

    Chicago Tea Party spokesperson Eric Kohn said the issue was an “internal matter.”

    Indeed. Sex is pretty internal.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I don't know about that, but they say don't trust a guy with two first names. Especially if they're both 'Steve.'

  6. Oblios_Cap

    "…with all the issues we are facing in our country right now, I’m not sure why this deserves a headline.”

    I like it. I'll have to remember to use that next time I get in trouble.

    "Officer, with all the issues we are facing in our country now, I not sure why this kilo of coke merits me getting arrested."

    "Okay, sir. I'll let you go this time with a warning."

    What could possibly go wrong?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Well, it seems to have worked out pretty well for those guys that wrecked the global economy and stole all our money.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        It worked for GOP State Senator Suzi Schmidt when she tipped off 9-1-1 that they should ignore what they'll ultimately move forward in their relationship from. Not retreating, but going in a different direction or reloadin or something patriotic-y.

        1. PalinzADummy

          Yeah, until it leaked to the whole world that she whupped her old man upside the head with a wireless phone, bit him hard enough to get blood all down his front, rammed her car into his repeatedly, and kicked him out of the house on a frosty Illinois Xmas morning. I don't think ol' Suzi will be having much relationship-mending going on, given that you need a relationship to do that, and it looks like she done pooped all over hers.

          Geez, those Republican women, as our own beautiful LimeyLizzie points out, they are YEW-GLY!

  7. GregComlish

    Just because he was AWOL doesn't mean he was deliberately avoiding the teabagger conference. He could have just decided to step out for some hookers.

  8. poncho_pilot

    Stevlic was just letting the Free Market handle how and when he got laid. his wife was just like Big Government with all of her "regulations".

      1. poncho_pilot

        but if one whore is too expensive or their services are inadequate you can frequent another. the inadequate whores will be forced to improve their services or lower their prices. i think that's how it is supposed to work.

          1. poncho_pilot

            no one is allowed to further upfist my original comment. it needs to stay at 69 forever in honor of Stevlic.

  9. KeepFnThatChicken

    …if this is a non-issue; if this has been "dealt with" and everyone has "moved forward", then you might consider showing up at your event, you pussy.

  10. Antispandex

    "…Stevlic is that he loves sex with prostitutes more than he loves patriotism."

    But don't we all? Really?

      1. jus_wonderin

        Ya know, I ordered the Betsy Ross and Uncle Sam showed up at the door. Of course, waste not want not but I do have limits.

      1. GOPCrusher

        Oddly enough, I only hire prostitutes that are willing to engage in acts that start with the name of an American city or state.

      1. OKthennext

        If you're a stalker, I hope it's a good kind.

        The smallish city that is holding Festivals Acadiens in two weeks.

        You?

        1. jus_wonderin

          Grin. Nah, haven't stalked in years. Okay, maybe a year.

          Family has a farm NWLa near the Texas line. Shreveport: the unfun part of the state.

          1. samsuncle

            Good to know that I'm not the only Wonketteer from Louisiana (Pineville). I had a friend that used to say that he didn't like Shreveport because it was too close to Arkansas and the people there thought they were Texans!

          2. jus_wonderin

            That's funny, because I was just discussing this with my Mom on the weekend visit to the farm. Shreveport identifies more with Dallas than New Orleans (in a kind of negative way). Maybe it is that we have I20 running over to Dallas, and didn't have I49 until more recently. But, you are right! My Mom is from NJ. She makes jokes that La is the NJ of the south. But, she loves it and her home of now 60+ years.

          3. elviouslyqueer

            You're from Pineville? Bless your heart… not north enough to be Arkansas, not Cajun enough to be Ville Platte.

          4. elviouslyqueer

            I can't diss y'all too much. The best boudin I ever ate was in some no-name grocery store in Alex. And on the definite plus side, you're just down the road from Lecompte. Mmmm, Lea's.

          5. OKthennext

            unfun part. True that. At least it's not on fire. Yet.

            Best to stay south of the I-10 line in my book.

        2. elviouslyqueer

          COONASS IN DA HOUSE! (And before you go all "I am NOT a coonass," I went to high school at NISH, so I'm allowed to throw it out there.) Btw, LFY is a fun little city… kept me from going completely insane in the Queen City on the Teche.

  11. Spurning Beer

    1. That's ancient history.

    2. On many days in 2010 and 2011, Mr. Stevlic has not had sex with any prostitutes at all.

    3. There are many prostitutes in the greater Chicago area that Mr. Stevlic has not shtupped. At all.

  12. BaldarTFlagass

    Does it please you to employ little girls or little boys
    Nasty habits, nasty habits
    Do you like to romp and play by yourself when they're away
    Nasty affair what do I care
    Do you peek at magazines filled with doggies and leather queens
    Nasty habits, nasty habits
    Tell me your secrets that no one should hear
    Whisper them softly into my ear I won't tell, I won't tell

    People act so proper when they're going 'bout their business
    Cup of coffee, lfriendly conversation
    'Til they get home,
    'Til they get home

    Turn the phone off, lock the door and shut the curtains
    Make sure that the neighbors are without suspicion
    No one will know
    No one will know
    Nasty habits I must condone
    No one knows what I do when I'm all alone
    Nasty habits I'm so ashamed

    1. Pithaughn

      Ha "magazines" this is 2011 ya know. Your poem needs a new verse with "Google Incognito" as the iambic parameter rhymer, or whatever you poets are calling "rhymes with" these days.

  13. Pragmatist2

    I think the right thing to do here is to makes lost of comments in right wing web sites about this "gay hooker" scandal. The fact that we don't know is irrelevant. On those sites ignorance of the actual facts is regarded as a virtue

    1. Chichikovovich

      Now that you mention it, I don't see anything in that report to indicate that the hooker is still *alive*.

  14. slowhansolo

    Hey, we're all human beings, prone to the same foibles and weaknesses. It's just about time to start showing a bit more tolerance for the fallible human condition.

    And once this guy mends his ways with the love and support of his closest friends, family and lobbyists, he can get back to the truly important business of demonizing those dirty, godless, red liberals.

  15. baconzgood

    June 2010= ancient history for tea party.

    Obama's grand ma spitting on the sidewalk in 1936= Proves Obama is Hitler.

    Mark that down Emerica.

  16. Chichikovovich

    "Chicago Tea Party spokesperson Eric Kohn said the issue was an “internal matter.” "

    Didn't pull out eh? Liar.

  17. user-of-owls

    You may be 'moving forward,' Steve, but you probably should keep one eye on your back. And another on the large cutlery.

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Have you ever tried to get a young prostitute to dress up as Betsy Ross? Not worth it.

        1. jus_wonderin

          And, on second thought, it probably wouldn't be convincing. The old ones have that distinctive moth ball smell.

    1. Limeylizzie

      My late-lamented father-in-law was diagnosed with Alzheimer's shortly after he disappeared, aged 86, for 3 days and was found 50 miles away from his home , he was found in a motel where he had spent the whole time with two hookers and they had stolen his car but only to drive home.

      1. DaRooster

        "Alzheimer's… yeah… Alzheimer's… that's what I have."

        (I might have to try that one someday.)

  18. WhatTheHeck

    The devil made him do it, will be his defense.

    Right now, he's spending more time with his family.

    1. jus_wonderin

      I wish some of these long suffering wifeys would take a Toro to their husband's cheating midsections. That might make one stop and consider the consequences the next time.

        1. jus_wonderin

          Grin. I should have said Lawn Boy but that has two meanings too, when we are discussing a Conservative.

  19. BaldarTFlagass

    I thought the Tea Party was all about how tax-payers are getting fucked, not about how they're getting laid.

  20. KeepFnThatChicken

    There's also the latent argument which says Teabaggers want government out of their sex lives too — because, after all, "any government involvement is too much government involvement."

    So maybe this is where they endorse the anti-drug-war theme again. I'm on that, stat.

    1. prommie

      I've never snorted blow off the taut derriere of an expensive hooker, but, well, the idea of doing this, and having both the hooker and the blow be legal, well, this is the only positive aspect of the libertarian message that I can see.

    1. SorosBot

      I don't know; the arrest record just said that he was arrested for soliciting prostitution, not from whom. It could easily have been a man

  21. weejee

    Hors d'oeuvres Steve, or whore's herbs? Traditional Teatard appetizers like pigs in a blanket or wuz it some boo and a line of blow after a bit of wokka wokka?

  22. Redhead

    aaaaaaaaaaaand Cocktober begins!

    But was the prostitute of legal age? Were there any weapons involved? Or diapers, or airport bathroom stalls, or roofies or green balloons (and I know I'm forgetting a few here…)

  23. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, Prommie, per your earlier lament—it ain't specifically buttsex, but it could be.

  24. Come here a minute

    How does Matthew Broderick find the time for a second life as a hooker-loving teapartier?

    1. baconzgood

      He's Ferris Bueller. If he can sing on a float while ducking Edward R. Rooney all before his parents get home he can do anything!

          1. Negropolis

            You are so cruel. lol

            I always feel bad making fun of her because she's such an incredibly nice, decent, and funny person.

        1. jus_wonderin

          Don't ya just love seeing language evolve right in front of ya? These are the days of rapid change.

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      like this:

      [as background noise] "Who's on the phone? Gokker? Who the fuck is Gokker?! I don't know any fuckin' "Gokker" so tell 'em I ain't here."

  25. Poindexter718

    Not sure why he couldn't attend the TP event since it is comprised of patriots from all over the political spectrum who have set aside divisive social issues and joined forces out of common concern about the fiscal trajectory of our government.

  26. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Why is everyone being so hard on Mr. Stevlic? After all, the founders had no problems with prostitutes, and I challenge anyone to point out where in the Constitution they said they did.

  27. MrFizzy

    Stelvic backwards is Civlets, which is a type of gum that washes the taste of hooker santorum out of your mouth.

  28. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Just to parse this out for all of you new to politics:

    “My family and I dealt with this matter and we've successfully moved forward in our relationship,” Stevlic said in a prepared statement. In other words, his wife has agreed to join him in a threesome with a prostitute, or he has given her free range to find her own prostitute.

    “The charges surrounding this incident were dropped against me over a year ago" The prostitute was not under age.

    "and with all the issues we are facing in our country right now," How can you forget that the president is black?

    "I’m not sure why this deserves a headline.” What part of Black, Kenyan, Muslim, Socialist President do you not understand!!!

    Chicago Tea Party spokesperson Eric Kohn said the issue was an “internal matter.” Anal was involved.

    1. jus_wonderin

      I love how you summaried the story. Excellent work. It's like I was listening to a bizarro NPR/Cookie Roberts (who I love) break down an issue.

    2. PalinzADummy

      Damn, Lionel[redacted], it's like you done got a degree in translatin' Teabaggerese to English!

    1. GOPCrusher

      How could afford to go to Schaumburg when he can't pay his child support? Think he made a side trip to Arlington Heights to bet the ponies?

  29. Gorillionaire

    I am not going to bother to look, but does this guy have anything resembling a paying job, or does he just do teabagger shit 24/7? Because it would be cool to know that he spends teabagger donations both on hookers and for the legal defense to get his ass off the hook once in a while.

    1. Rotundo_

      Just the thought of Koch and idiot money paying for this guy getting blown or whatever warms one right up doesn't it. Money well spent folks, money well spent. When the asshole in question siphons it away from kids with cancer or muscular dystrophy it's a tragedy and you want to kick them in the ass, but when they take money from rubes helping billionaires accumulate more wealth and make the country a shithole for their own greedy purposes, it just blows a little sunshine right up one's asscrack, like a warm breeze. Ahhhhh.

  30. HistoriCat

    Why can't a guy just pay someone to talk about baseball for a few hours without the government interfering? Damn it – leave this poor man alone!

  31. Callyson

    he loves sex with prostitutes more than he loves patriotism
    But Kirsten, sex with prostitutes *is* patriotism. Go USA!

  32. JackObin

    "My family and I have dealt with this matter and we've successfully moved forward in our relationship." What a pussy.

    1. jus_wonderin

      Aw, what a treasure. This, after he successfully moved forward, then backward, then repeated that for 10 minutes in a relationship with his hooker.

  33. Guppy06

    Did "dealing with it" involve blood tests?

    If the charges were dropped against him, what about against the working girl?

    Also, quotation marks and alt-text don't mix well.

  34. Tundra Grifter

    "Charges were dropped" – like his pants. He got into a first-time offender diversion program, and he's bragging about it?

    At least his wife is better off than that poor woman married to the Illinois GNoP candidate Mr. Obama ran against. This guy's wife didn't have to join a sex club.

      1. DaRooster

        Why do all of these Tea-maggots have beady little eyes and ferret faces?

        A. So normal people will avoid them and they can go on ripping off folks and lying to them about the despicable shit they do.

        (As for a funny joke… not my best effort)

    1. user-of-owls

      Well that's just an outright lie. Most of them have Moon Pie faces. With dead little beady eyes.

  35. glamourdammerung

    I was more impressed with the photoshop of famous homosexual Andy Breitbart on the photo in the Gawker article. It must have took a while to remove the extra chins.

  36. rickmaci

    Oh my! Looks like he will need time at a TeaTard re-education center. Lessons begin with Genesis. Adam and Eve not Adam and STEVE! ROFLMAO.

  37. Rotundo_

    Best comment on Gawker that I saw was "Well he *was* meeting with a (blow) job creator." Great line, I wish I'd have come up with it…

  38. user-of-owls

    Damn. No matter how many different ways I try it, I still can't get Google to translate "Stevelic" into "Bobbitt."

  39. rocktonsam

    Out side of being a bunch of racists, homophobes,idiots and hypocrites, these teabaggers sure know how to PARRRRTY.

  40. donner_froh

    He'd been arrested less than two months earlier, on June 25th, for soliciting a prostitute at 1600 South Killborn Avenue.

    16th and Kilbourn on the near West side of Chicago seems like a very insalubrious place to pick up a streetwalker– Stevlic must have known it was a good corner for a cheap blowjob.

  41. owhatever

    Tea Baggers should thank the Hookers Union of America (HUA) for helping so many Republicans spend more time with their families.

  42. Negropolis

    So, how many Newtons does this measure on the Gingrich Scale? Given what little information we know, I'd give this maybe a 5 out of 10 Newts, but this can be revised dependent upon what further information we receive.

  43. ttommyunger

    What is it about these Right-Wing Family Values dickwads? They get busted for who knows what and their wives just shrug it off a everything goes along like it never happened. My wife would shoot me AFTER she cut my dick off. And no way could I remain in my neighborhood after such a shaming; but then, I possess a sense of shame. Hmmm, wait, I'm beginning to understand….

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