SHARK VS. SHARK  4:27 pm September 30, 2011

Koch Bros. Freaking Out Over Unpublished Scandal Story

by Ken Layne

Who will win the one dollar wager?Archvillain stereotypes David and Charles Koch are reportedly furious because rival New York billionaire Mike Bloomberg’s media machine is reportedly about to publish some big scandal story that proves the Koch Bros. are even worse than previously thought. So what are the libertarian heroes accused of now? Eating the hearts of Christian babies? Jacking off into Warren Buffett’s caviar? No, they are simply accused of some bribery and standard globalist business crime, in France. France! How are the Koch Brothers even involved in such a socialist country full of health-care-having French people? UPDATE: The story is live at Bloomberg Markets Magazine.

According to Salon, this is what’s happening in the wacky world of the Koch Brothers’ Empire of Crime:

Based on the prebuttal items appearing this week in the Washington Examiner, the Daily Caller, and U.S. News and World Report, the Bloomberg story focuses on alleged malfeasance and/or fraud and/or bad behavior by the conglomerate Koch Industries.

One of those episodes apparently involves bribery by a Koch subsidiary in France, according to the piece by Washington Examiner editorial page editor Mark Tapscott. He reports that “Bloomberg reporters have been trolling among former Koch employees overseas in search of disaffected voices willing to talk,” but Tapscott suspects the story may be animated by bias against the Tea Party. And he notes that, “Koch USA officials say they were as surprised and angered as anybody else when they were first apprised of the bribery allegations, and moved as quickly as possible to get to the bottom of the situation and fix it.”

“Fix it” is global mafia talk for “cement shoes.” Anyway, everybody get ready for the shocking revelation that the Koch Brothers are criminal assholes, in the next issue of whatever magazine Bloomberg runs, Vibe or something. [Bloomberg Markets Magazine/Salon via tipster "Doug"]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 134 comments }

SorosBot September 30, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Bribery by billionaire businessmen bullies is even more shocking than steroids in sports!

Mumbletypeg September 30, 2011 at 4:45 pm

What a veritable litter o' 'lliteratives, good man!

Callyson September 30, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Bribes = the steroids of big business.

horsedreamer_1 September 30, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Cocaine is a portfolio enhancing drug.

WhatTheHeck September 30, 2011 at 7:58 pm

But when combined with Hookers becomes a Wall Street ‘Must-have.’

chicken_thief September 30, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Are they hiring?

Radiohead September 30, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Bullionaires?

PsycWench September 30, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Or nudity in strip clubs.

WunkRocker October 3, 2011 at 10:24 am

Just twatted:
@GovWalker Koch Bros sold petrochem equipment to #Iran despite embargo bit.ly/qBy8km Why do you hate #USA and love #Ahmadinejad?

NorthStarSpanx September 30, 2011 at 4:35 pm

First they came for Murdoch, and we didn't say anything. . .

Beowoof September 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Maybe they could share a cell and take turns being the bride.

Tommmcattt September 30, 2011 at 8:46 pm

When did they come for Murdoch? I missed the frog-marching, goddam it!

Negropolis September 30, 2011 at 11:34 pm

I saw nuz-zing.

metamarcisf September 30, 2011 at 4:35 pm

What am I going to do with 40 subscriptions to "Vibe"?

Beowoof September 30, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Foreign Corrupt Practices Act, oh how I hope it applies and these guys can go the prison they belong in.

HistoriCat September 30, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Like the DOJ is going to do any more than find some mid-level operative to blame everything on.

BerkeleyBear September 30, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Like the Koch Bros haven't specifically structured their subs to ensure mid-level operatives are there to have everything blamed on them.

horsedreamer_1 September 30, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Scott Walker and the Fitzgeralds have declared the independent Wisconsin Plutopublic and offered the Kochs adylum.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard September 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Once you lose the French, you can kiss your world domination cred goodbye.

tessiee September 30, 2011 at 9:31 pm

^
*writes this down in secret World Domination To-Do List*

Jukesgrrl September 30, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Bloomberg is prejudiced against yachts. America's Cup Libel !!!!!!!!!!!!

FlownOver September 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Journalism 2011:
Kochs business bribery in France = news.
Kochs political bribery of most of Congress = not news.

Radiohead September 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Isn't Santorum a prebuttal item?

dittoBot3000 September 30, 2011 at 4:42 pm

It's actually a post-buttal item.

prommie September 30, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Ass-fucking, the Wonkette Tradition lives on!

Not_So_Much September 30, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Yay! Unfiltered post-coital smokes for everyone!

Radiohead September 30, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Butts post-butt.

widestanceshakedown September 30, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Intrabuttal.

TanzbodenKoenig September 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm

They still guillotine the corrupt kleptocrat burgeoisie in France, right? Oh please oh please oh please…

Callyson September 30, 2011 at 5:28 pm

And for the Kochs, I'm not picky about which head gets sliced off..;

SayItWithWookies September 30, 2011 at 5:32 pm

All of them, Katie!

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 30, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Actually, now days they just elect them to office, or make them the head of the IMF.

Negropolis September 30, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Oooo, burn! The French political class is even more incestuouos than the British political class.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 30, 2011 at 4:40 pm

I'm surprised the Koch's are worried about their reputation. Come on guys; take some pride in your sleazy scum sucking lifestyle.

Not_So_Much September 30, 2011 at 4:40 pm

You don't want to see an Angry Koch….

Limeylizzie September 30, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Wouldn't mind.

Not_So_Much September 30, 2011 at 7:58 pm

Probably not this kind — you'd never have a lady-erection again…

TanzbodenKoenig September 30, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Well… my balls are (relatively) freshly shorn….

Limeylizzie September 30, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Ewwwww. I like my balls as nature intended.

TanzbodenKoenig September 30, 2011 at 10:40 pm

nature intended mine to be smooth as eggs. Im gonna get em tattooed like a globe of the world

Toomush_Infer October 1, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Yay, Lizzie!…

widestanceshakedown September 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Someone really needs to start a "It Gets Better" project for the super rich. Every night, I cry myself to sleep for their pain and suffering.

My heart bleeds santorum for these martyrs.

Not_So_Much September 30, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Overflowing frothy sadness…

mavenmaven September 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm

They will likely apply the Chilean Model- just kill whoever you don't like.

tihond September 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Herman Cain likes this idea.

Callyson September 30, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Nein, nein, nein!

bagofmice September 30, 2011 at 6:14 pm

That needs more thumbs.

chascates September 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Odd that France routinely lets ousted dictators settle in their country but draws the line at the most common of business practices. Such petulance.

El Pinche September 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Oooh!, Is this when Mortimer and Randolph get screwed, then America wins and enjoys it's tropical vacation?

spends2much September 30, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Looking good, Bily Ray!

El Pinche September 30, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Feelin good Lewis.

AlterNewt September 30, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Make up your mind, Bloomberg!

SayItWithWookies September 30, 2011 at 4:45 pm

France? Ha — you expect anyone in America to care about what the Kochs do in France? New revelations come out about Rupert Murdoch's spying tricks every damn day but it doesn't deter this criminal from continuing here as though nothing happened. Maybe that'll change with yesterday's news, though, that NotW had plants in rival new offices stealing their scoops. That might cause the idiots at FOX's competition to take notice.

fletc3her September 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm

There is a certain je nai se quoi in wiping the santorum up with a koch brother's product like Quilted Northern or Angel Soft.

chicken_thief September 30, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Oh, great. Now Santorum will go on a rant about how those are toilet papers and not paper towels or napkins….

Thurman Munster IV September 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I've heard enough. Obama: Release the Drones

chicken_thief September 30, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Those folks in Langley are getting mighty damn good with those things, aren't they?

Dashboard_Jesus September 30, 2011 at 10:53 pm

aww hell just get it over with and release the Kraken! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb2zIR2rvRQ

weejee September 30, 2011 at 4:52 pm

How can anyone believe anything in US Pewz and Hurled Report? Besides they have hated the Frogs since the Jacobites went after Lafayette.

PubOption September 30, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Jacobins, surely. Jacobites were Scottish.

weejee September 30, 2011 at 5:31 pm

oui

BerkeleyBear September 30, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Yeah, but they were French loving Scots, so there's that.

weejee September 30, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Following the Occupy the Streets meme, likely should be spelled Jacobeans, at least through this weekend. After Barry napalms the protesters, like he whacked a certain citizen who also pissed him off, it won't matter so much.

user-of-owls September 30, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Jac-o-Bites are to bites what Jack-o-Lanterns are to lanterns.

Barb September 30, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Wow, this story and a story about Rick Perry, being investigated for insider trading, being reported now. It's a good thing.

SayItWithWookies September 30, 2011 at 5:34 pm

The insider trading thing was a tease — it took place in the 1990s and went nowhere fairly quickly, since Perry and the guy he conspired with both denied they spoke about the stock. I was hoping it was something ongoing, but no.

Chichikovovich September 30, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Sounds like about as much evidence as they had in Whitewater. I really hope there will be an uncontrolled seven-year investigation of every last aspect of Perry's professional, political and personal life by a former Solicitor General on the far left of the Democratic party, followed by a successful perjury trap on a completely unrelated matter.

Because if that ever happens to a Republican, I may get to sleep with Helen Mirren. And find a fortune in gold coins buried in my backyard.

BerkeleyBear September 30, 2011 at 6:15 pm

I indirectly know the douche who fed him the tip. KCI's founder is a complete sleeze who has a well-earned reputation for messing around in Texas political circles/influence peddling to benefit his company. I had a client who was their competitor and one of their biggest fears was being sued in Texas state court or really dealing with any state authorities there because of his influence.

In other words, I completely buy that Perry was tipped off, and that this clown would deny it to his dying day. I guess I like it though because if lil' Ricky is ever in a position to say shit about Obama's dealings with Rezko (which I don't think he will be, but you never know), this is a nice counterweight.

imissopus September 30, 2011 at 5:46 pm

HILARY KILLED VINCE FOSTER IN THE 90S BUT NOBODY CARES ABOUT THAT, LIBTARDS!!!!11!

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 30, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Wait, I thought Bill killed Vince when he found out that he was sleeping with Hillary and they were both moving coke up from Nicaragua.

God, it is so hard keeping these fake Clinton scandals straight.

imissopus September 30, 2011 at 11:12 pm

No no, Bill moved all that coke in conjunction with the reverse vampires. They used Ron Brown's plane until he wanted out, which is why Gennifer Flowers shot it down with a shoulder-fired missile. Vince Foster was killed because he knew too much. Let's see Bill prove that none of this is true!

Negropolis September 30, 2011 at 11:41 pm

WIN. I have relatives in Arkansas to this day (Clinton-loving Democrats, even) who are absolutely convinced the Clinton's killed Ron Brown, and that Clinton has a bunch of black babies running around Arkansas none-the-wiser. lol

fuflans September 30, 2011 at 4:57 pm

no!

(clutches pearls).

paris biltong September 30, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Shame on Bloomberg for going after people making 40 to 50 million a year who can barely make ends meet.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 2, 2011 at 1:48 am

After feeding their families, there's really nothing left.

Extemporanus September 30, 2011 at 5:02 pm

"Qu'ils mangent de Koch."

Biel_ze_Bubba October 2, 2011 at 1:49 am

WIN!!!!!
WIN WIN WIN!!!!!

Chichikovovich September 30, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Aw, man. The headline gets me all excited and then it turns out we're talking about some subsidiary bribing somebody in France? Murdoch is going to skate away from the hacking scandal for heavens' sake. To have a hope of even a 1% chance of nailing these guys for bribery, you'd need to have the Koch brothers themselves, on videotape, handing over sacks labeled "Nazi Gold" to Scott Walker and Al-Awleki. Plus a sack labeled "Nazi Gold in payment for the 2004 Ohio results" to the guy who runs Diebold. And even then nobody would probably lay a glove on them.

An_Outhouse September 30, 2011 at 5:05 pm

if its in the Daily Caller it must be true

BTWBFDIMHO September 30, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Le Kochon Frères.

Chichikovovich September 30, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Maudites Kochons!

Negropolis September 30, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Yes, I'd like some Coke and fries, also. Oh, I mean frites.

Le Koch Blokes.

OneYieldRegular September 30, 2011 at 5:09 pm

This is what happens when you send Republicans to France. They strenuously try to avoid any scandal of the sort involving a dancer from The Crazy Horse, thinking a little pot-de-vin will just be par for the course, but over there, it works exactly the other way around.

edgydrifter September 30, 2011 at 5:20 pm

The scandal isn't that they were committing crimes in France, it's that they were doing business with France at all. To the American right, that's worse than sucking Chairman Mao's toes while peeing on the cross.

Barrelhse September 30, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Fergie's toes are still OK, though, right?

Callyson September 30, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Shorter version:
the Bloomberg story focuses on behavior by the conglomerate Koch Industries.

Antispandex September 30, 2011 at 5:30 pm

When contacted, a French official said, "I'm shocked, SHOCKED, to find that gambling has been going on here"!

bagofmice September 30, 2011 at 6:19 pm

And then he turned left on William street. Not the funny one from Georgia.

Tundra Grifter September 30, 2011 at 5:41 pm

If the Brothers are trying to keep the article from being published, is that a Koch Block?

Meanwhile, isn't France the nation that went after George Soros? The right wing nutz ranted about that for quite some time – now they are just going to start dogging that country, aren't they?

imissopus September 30, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Hans-Erik Wennerstrom is not amused.

fuflans September 30, 2011 at 5:45 pm

i like koch brothers better covered with evil bobbing cow faces

tessiee September 30, 2011 at 9:37 pm

"i like koch brothers better covered with evil bobbing cow faces"

Or covered with cow feces would be OK, too.

Goonemeritus September 30, 2011 at 5:50 pm

What is the point of massive piles of money beyond the dreams of avarice if you can’t use it to buy influence? Were I rich enough I would bribe the French to abandon all further attempts at contemporary music.

johnnyzhivago September 30, 2011 at 5:55 pm

I'd just move to France and forget about it…. I mean it's the world center of good food and wine…

chicken_thief September 30, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Just dress a German in any kind of quasi-military uniform and give him a keg of beer to tell them to knock it the fuck off.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 2, 2011 at 1:58 am

And were I the IRS, I'd allow you take a charitable deduction for it.

johnnyzhivago September 30, 2011 at 5:54 pm

They shall be crying rivers of tears – but with an unlimited supply of Brawny paper towels, it shouldn't be a problem.

NorthStarSpanx September 30, 2011 at 6:21 pm

And Dixie Cups to catch them, bottle them and sell as the new Tiger Blood.

Winning! [or is that too dated already?]

spends2much September 30, 2011 at 6:04 pm

In the Koch-ed up Free Market, you should be able to buy anything you want! Influence, a nice new kidney, a hot second wife… I'm surprised they even know they should be "surprised and angered."

Radiohead September 30, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Wait until the wingtards take umbrage that the Koch brothers are practicing crony capitalism.

Barrelhse September 30, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Too many Kochs spoil the broth.

Nostrildamus September 30, 2011 at 6:14 pm

I'm glad there are some countries where the Koch's behaviour is illegal.

NorthStarSpanx September 30, 2011 at 6:23 pm

What's with our exceptional country?

It's taking Great Britain and France to take down our Über criminals.

Nostrildamus September 30, 2011 at 6:44 pm

See Microsoft.

horsedreamer_1 September 30, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Henry Hudson, one of the simple jurists who "took down" ACA, went after Microsoft. Which only means he wants the "right" people to have money/power. Gates is a nerd, Obama near — they are not the right people.

Nostrildamus September 30, 2011 at 6:31 pm

OT: Today is Sarah Palin's drop dead date:
http://www.redstate.com/erick/2011/09/30/today-is

weejee September 30, 2011 at 6:49 pm

P-day??? No p for that grifter.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 30, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Well, if Sarah has lost Eric, son of Eric, what chance does she have of winning over other insane right wingers?

BarackMyWorld September 30, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Sarah Palin backing out of a commitment? That's just crazy talk.

Radiohead September 30, 2011 at 8:17 pm

None hath spoken so harshly of her holy grifter highness since days of yore, one, Dame Noonington. Forsooth, beware, Erick son of Erick, the wrath of the mighty $arah will be upon thee. Who dare challenge the Black Knight?

Schmannnity September 30, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Jacking off into Warren Buffett’s caviar?

This is the kind of speculation that hints at prior employment of Ken Layne in the service industry.

weejee September 30, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Or perhaps a Kraft salad dressing factory?

chicken_thief September 30, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Or possibly being Warren Buffet's taster?

mrblifil September 30, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Anything you want they got it right her in Koch USA.

MilwaukeeKent September 30, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Maybe this is why they had to buy Wisconsin…

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 30, 2011 at 7:38 pm

The Koch brothers do not refer to it as bribery, they refer to it as Freedomery!

Negropolis September 30, 2011 at 11:47 pm

Bribes are people, too, my friend. Bribes are free speech. Why do you hate the Constitution?

ttommyunger September 30, 2011 at 8:14 pm

And again, good news for the lawyers.

valgal2342 September 30, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Koch USA officials? Sounds about right.

crybabyboehner September 30, 2011 at 8:22 pm

J'accuse!

tessiee September 30, 2011 at 9:57 pm

The Koch boys may have their fair share of flaws, and then some, but I don't know if I'd exactly call them jackasses, even in French.

chicken_thief September 30, 2011 at 9:12 pm

“Bloomberg reporters have been trolling among former Koch employees overseas in search of disaffected voices willing to talk,” but Tapscott suspects the story may be animated by bias against the Tea Party.

Looks like Tapscottt got himself a little taste of the Koch.

Negropolis September 30, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Pepsi is better than Koch, anyway.

Pres.Libunatic September 30, 2011 at 9:24 pm

I always thought something was odd about Statler and Waldorf.

tessiee September 30, 2011 at 9:26 pm

"rival New York billionaire Mike Bloomberg’s media machine is reportedly about to publish some big scandal story that proves the Koch Bros. are even worse than previously thought"

Fortunately for all, Garry Trudeau has learned his lesson, and will wait until this is actually published before any reference to it appears in "Doonesbury".

tessiee September 30, 2011 at 9:28 pm

"prebuttal"

I like this word, and plan to use it in the future, although probably not for its originally intended purpose.

Madam Killjoy September 30, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Randolph Duke: Mother always said you were greedy.
Mortimer Duke: She meant it as a compliment.

subsum October 1, 2011 at 11:33 am

Cunts… both of them.

Isyaignert October 1, 2011 at 1:07 pm

These guys are the role model for the evil Duke brothers in the greatest movie of all time, "Trading Places." Here's a list of their products to boycott:

AVOID KOCH BROTHERS PRODUCTS:

Angel Soft toilet paper

Brawny paper towels

Dixie plates, bowls, napkins and cups

Mardi Gras napkins and towels

Quilted Northern toilet paper

Soft ‘n Gentle toilet paper

Sparkle napkins

Vanity fair napkins

Zee napkins

Georgia-Pacific paper products and envelopes
All Georgia-Pacific lumber and building products

Walkinwiddaking October 1, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Jesus, judging by the picture those two look like a couple of waiters at a Shecky Greene friars roast.

SkinnyNerd October 1, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Every time I see a picture of these two, I think it's the Duke brothers:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mnw0mTMG03w/TbdU7t5TTyI

DoktorThompson October 2, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Boom: "Koch Brothers Flout Law Getting Richer With Secret Iran Sales", Bloomberg, 2 October 2011.

Don't worry, kiddies, it's more than just boring ol' Iran sales!

bagofmice September 30, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Post post-butt post

Negropolis September 30, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Not if you're unemployed.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: