Who will win the one dollar wager?Archvillain stereotypes David and Charles Koch are reportedly furious because rival New York billionaire Mike Bloomberg’s media machine is reportedly about to publish some big scandal story that proves the Koch Bros. are even worse than previously thought. So what are the libertarian heroes accused of now? Eating the hearts of Christian babies? Jacking off into Warren Buffett’s caviar? No, they are simply accused of some bribery and standard globalist business crime, in France. France! How are the Koch Brothers even involved in such a socialist country full of health-care-having French people? UPDATE: The story is live at Bloomberg Markets Magazine.

According to Salon, this is what’s happening in the wacky world of the Koch Brothers’ Empire of Crime:

Based on the prebuttal items appearing this week in the Washington Examiner, the Daily Caller, and U.S. News and World Report, the Bloomberg story focuses on alleged malfeasance and/or fraud and/or bad behavior by the conglomerate Koch Industries.

One of those episodes apparently involves bribery by a Koch subsidiary in France, according to the piece by Washington Examiner editorial page editor Mark Tapscott. He reports that “Bloomberg reporters have been trolling among former Koch employees overseas in search of disaffected voices willing to talk,” but Tapscott suspects the story may be animated by bias against the Tea Party. And he notes that, “Koch USA officials say they were as surprised and angered as anybody else when they were first apprised of the bribery allegations, and moved as quickly as possible to get to the bottom of the situation and fix it.”

“Fix it” is global mafia talk for “cement shoes.” Anyway, everybody get ready for the shocking revelation that the Koch Brothers are criminal assholes, in the next issue of whatever magazine Bloomberg runs, Vibe or something. [Bloomberg Markets Magazine/Salon via tipster “Doug”]

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  • SorosBot

    Bribery by billionaire businessmen bullies is even more shocking than steroids in sports!

    • What a veritable litter o' 'lliteratives, good man!

    • Callyson

      Bribes = the steroids of big business.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Cocaine is a portfolio enhancing drug.

        • WhatTheHeck

          But when combined with Hookers becomes a Wall Street ‘Must-have.’

          • chicken_thief

            Are they hiring?

          • Negropolis

            Not if you're unemployed.

    • Radiohead


    • PsycWench

      Or nudity in strip clubs.

    • WunkRocker

      Just twatted:
      @GovWalker Koch Bros sold petrochem equipment to #Iran despite embargo Why do you hate #USA and love #Ahmadinejad?

  • NorthStarSpanx

    First they came for Murdoch, and we didn't say anything. . .

    • Beowoof

      Maybe they could share a cell and take turns being the bride.

    • Tommmcattt

      When did they come for Murdoch? I missed the frog-marching, goddam it!

    • Negropolis

      I saw nuz-zing.

  • metamarcisf

    What am I going to do with 40 subscriptions to "Vibe"?

  • Beowoof

    Foreign Corrupt Practices Act, oh how I hope it applies and these guys can go the prison they belong in.

    • HistoriCat

      Like the DOJ is going to do any more than find some mid-level operative to blame everything on.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Like the Koch Bros haven't specifically structured their subs to ensure mid-level operatives are there to have everything blamed on them.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Scott Walker and the Fitzgeralds have declared the independent Wisconsin Plutopublic and offered the Kochs adylum.

  • Once you lose the French, you can kiss your world domination cred goodbye.

    • tessiee

      *writes this down in secret World Domination To-Do List*

  • Jukesgrrl

    Bloomberg is prejudiced against yachts. America's Cup Libel !!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Journalism 2011:
    Kochs business bribery in France = news.
    Kochs political bribery of most of Congress = not news.

  • Radiohead

    Isn't Santorum a prebuttal item?

    • dittoBot3000

      It's actually a post-buttal item.

      • prommie

        Ass-fucking, the Wonkette Tradition lives on!

        • Not_So_Much

          Yay! Unfiltered post-coital smokes for everyone!

          • Radiohead

            Butts post-butt.

          • bagofmice

            Post post-butt post

      • widestanceshakedown


  • They still guillotine the corrupt kleptocrat burgeoisie in France, right? Oh please oh please oh please…

    • Callyson

      And for the Kochs, I'm not picky about which head gets sliced off..;

      • SayItWithWookies

        All of them, Katie!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Actually, now days they just elect them to office, or make them the head of the IMF.

      • Negropolis

        Oooo, burn! The French political class is even more incestuouos than the British political class.

  • I'm surprised the Koch's are worried about their reputation. Come on guys; take some pride in your sleazy scum sucking lifestyle.

  • Not_So_Much

    You don't want to see an Angry Koch….

    • Limeylizzie

      Wouldn't mind.

      • Not_So_Much

        Probably not this kind — you'd never have a lady-erection again…

      • Well… my balls are (relatively) freshly shorn….

        • Limeylizzie

          Ewwwww. I like my balls as nature intended.

          • nature intended mine to be smooth as eggs. Im gonna get em tattooed like a globe of the world

          • Toomush_Infer

            Yay, Lizzie!…

  • widestanceshakedown

    Someone really needs to start a "It Gets Better" project for the super rich. Every night, I cry myself to sleep for their pain and suffering.

    My heart bleeds santorum for these martyrs.

    • Not_So_Much

      Overflowing frothy sadness…

  • mavenmaven

    They will likely apply the Chilean Model- just kill whoever you don't like.

    • tihond

      Herman Cain likes this idea.

    • Callyson

      Nein, nein, nein!

      • bagofmice

        That needs more thumbs.

  • chascates

    Odd that France routinely lets ousted dictators settle in their country but draws the line at the most common of business practices. Such petulance.

  • El Pinche

    Oooh!, Is this when Mortimer and Randolph get screwed, then America wins and enjoys it's tropical vacation?

    • spends2much

      Looking good, Bily Ray!

      • El Pinche

        Feelin good Lewis.

  • AlterNewt

    Make up your mind, Bloomberg!

  • SayItWithWookies

    France? Ha — you expect anyone in America to care about what the Kochs do in France? New revelations come out about Rupert Murdoch's spying tricks every damn day but it doesn't deter this criminal from continuing here as though nothing happened. Maybe that'll change with yesterday's news, though, that NotW had plants in rival new offices stealing their scoops. That might cause the idiots at FOX's competition to take notice.

  • fletc3her

    There is a certain je nai se quoi in wiping the santorum up with a koch brother's product like Quilted Northern or Angel Soft.

    • chicken_thief

      Oh, great. Now Santorum will go on a rant about how those are toilet papers and not paper towels or napkins….

  • Thurman Munster IV

    I've heard enough. Obama: Release the Drones

    • chicken_thief

      Those folks in Langley are getting mighty damn good with those things, aren't they?

  • How can anyone believe anything in US Pewz and Hurled Report? Besides they have hated the Frogs since the Jacobites went after Lafayette.

    • PubOption

      Jacobins, surely. Jacobites were Scottish.

      • oui

      • BerkeleyBear

        Yeah, but they were French loving Scots, so there's that.

      • Following the Occupy the Streets meme, likely should be spelled Jacobeans, at least through this weekend. After Barry napalms the protesters, like he whacked a certain citizen who also pissed him off, it won't matter so much.

      • user-of-owls

        Jac-o-Bites are to bites what Jack-o-Lanterns are to lanterns.

  • Barb

    Wow, this story and a story about Rick Perry, being investigated for insider trading, being reported now. It's a good thing.

    • SayItWithWookies

      The insider trading thing was a tease — it took place in the 1990s and went nowhere fairly quickly, since Perry and the guy he conspired with both denied they spoke about the stock. I was hoping it was something ongoing, but no.

      • Chichikovovich

        Sounds like about as much evidence as they had in Whitewater. I really hope there will be an uncontrolled seven-year investigation of every last aspect of Perry's professional, political and personal life by a former Solicitor General on the far left of the Democratic party, followed by a successful perjury trap on a completely unrelated matter.

        Because if that ever happens to a Republican, I may get to sleep with Helen Mirren. And find a fortune in gold coins buried in my backyard.

      • BerkeleyBear

        I indirectly know the douche who fed him the tip. KCI's founder is a complete sleeze who has a well-earned reputation for messing around in Texas political circles/influence peddling to benefit his company. I had a client who was their competitor and one of their biggest fears was being sued in Texas state court or really dealing with any state authorities there because of his influence.

        In other words, I completely buy that Perry was tipped off, and that this clown would deny it to his dying day. I guess I like it though because if lil' Ricky is ever in a position to say shit about Obama's dealings with Rezko (which I don't think he will be, but you never know), this is a nice counterweight.


      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Wait, I thought Bill killed Vince when he found out that he was sleeping with Hillary and they were both moving coke up from Nicaragua.

        God, it is so hard keeping these fake Clinton scandals straight.

        • No no, Bill moved all that coke in conjunction with the reverse vampires. They used Ron Brown's plane until he wanted out, which is why Gennifer Flowers shot it down with a shoulder-fired missile. Vince Foster was killed because he knew too much. Let's see Bill prove that none of this is true!

          • Negropolis

            WIN. I have relatives in Arkansas to this day (Clinton-loving Democrats, even) who are absolutely convinced the Clinton's killed Ron Brown, and that Clinton has a bunch of black babies running around Arkansas none-the-wiser. lol

  • fuflans


    (clutches pearls).

  • paris biltong

    Shame on Bloomberg for going after people making 40 to 50 million a year who can barely make ends meet.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      After feeding their families, there's really nothing left.

  • Extemporanus

    "Qu'ils mangent de Koch."

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      WIN WIN WIN!!!!!

  • Chichikovovich

    Aw, man. The headline gets me all excited and then it turns out we're talking about some subsidiary bribing somebody in France? Murdoch is going to skate away from the hacking scandal for heavens' sake. To have a hope of even a 1% chance of nailing these guys for bribery, you'd need to have the Koch brothers themselves, on videotape, handing over sacks labeled "Nazi Gold" to Scott Walker and Al-Awleki. Plus a sack labeled "Nazi Gold in payment for the 2004 Ohio results" to the guy who runs Diebold. And even then nobody would probably lay a glove on them.

  • An_Outhouse

    if its in the Daily Caller it must be true


    Le Kochon Frères.

    • Chichikovovich

      Maudites Kochons!

    • Negropolis

      Yes, I'd like some Coke and fries, also. Oh, I mean frites.

      Le Koch Blokes.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This is what happens when you send Republicans to France. They strenuously try to avoid any scandal of the sort involving a dancer from The Crazy Horse, thinking a little pot-de-vin will just be par for the course, but over there, it works exactly the other way around.

  • edgydrifter

    The scandal isn't that they were committing crimes in France, it's that they were doing business with France at all. To the American right, that's worse than sucking Chairman Mao's toes while peeing on the cross.

    • Barrelhse

      Fergie's toes are still OK, though, right?

  • Callyson

    Shorter version:
    the Bloomberg story focuses on behavior by the conglomerate Koch Industries.

  • Antispandex

    When contacted, a French official said, "I'm shocked, SHOCKED, to find that gambling has been going on here"!

    • bagofmice

      And then he turned left on William street. Not the funny one from Georgia.

  • Tundra Grifter

    If the Brothers are trying to keep the article from being published, is that a Koch Block?

    Meanwhile, isn't France the nation that went after George Soros? The right wing nutz ranted about that for quite some time – now they are just going to start dogging that country, aren't they?

  • Hans-Erik Wennerstrom is not amused.

  • fuflans

    i like koch brothers better covered with evil bobbing cow faces

    • tessiee

      "i like koch brothers better covered with evil bobbing cow faces"

      Or covered with cow feces would be OK, too.

  • Goonemeritus

    What is the point of massive piles of money beyond the dreams of avarice if you can’t use it to buy influence? Were I rich enough I would bribe the French to abandon all further attempts at contemporary music.

    • I'd just move to France and forget about it…. I mean it's the world center of good food and wine…

    • chicken_thief

      Just dress a German in any kind of quasi-military uniform and give him a keg of beer to tell them to knock it the fuck off.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And were I the IRS, I'd allow you take a charitable deduction for it.

  • They shall be crying rivers of tears – but with an unlimited supply of Brawny paper towels, it shouldn't be a problem.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      And Dixie Cups to catch them, bottle them and sell as the new Tiger Blood.

      Winning! [or is that too dated already?]

  • spends2much

    In the Koch-ed up Free Market, you should be able to buy anything you want! Influence, a nice new kidney, a hot second wife… I'm surprised they even know they should be "surprised and angered."

  • Radiohead

    Wait until the wingtards take umbrage that the Koch brothers are practicing crony capitalism.

  • Barrelhse

    Too many Kochs spoil the broth.

  • Nostrildamus

    I'm glad there are some countries where the Koch's behaviour is illegal.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      What's with our exceptional country?

      It's taking Great Britain and France to take down our Über criminals.

      • Nostrildamus

        See Microsoft.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Henry Hudson, one of the simple jurists who "took down" ACA, went after Microsoft. Which only means he wants the "right" people to have money/power. Gates is a nerd, Obama near — they are not the right people.

  • Nostrildamus

    OT: Today is Sarah Palin's drop dead date:

    • P-day??? No p for that grifter.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Well, if Sarah has lost Eric, son of Eric, what chance does she have of winning over other insane right wingers?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Sarah Palin backing out of a commitment? That's just crazy talk.

    • Radiohead

      None hath spoken so harshly of her holy grifter highness since days of yore, one, Dame Noonington. Forsooth, beware, Erick son of Erick, the wrath of the mighty $arah will be upon thee. Who dare challenge the Black Knight?

  • Schmannnity

    Jacking off into Warren Buffett’s caviar?

    This is the kind of speculation that hints at prior employment of Ken Layne in the service industry.

    • Or perhaps a Kraft salad dressing factory?

    • chicken_thief

      Or possibly being Warren Buffet's taster?

  • Anything you want they got it right her in Koch USA.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Maybe this is why they had to buy Wisconsin…

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The Koch brothers do not refer to it as bribery, they refer to it as Freedomery!

    • Negropolis

      Bribes are people, too, my friend. Bribes are free speech. Why do you hate the Constitution?

  • ttommyunger

    And again, good news for the lawyers.

  • valgal2342

    Koch USA officials? Sounds about right.

  • crybabyboehner


    • tessiee

      The Koch boys may have their fair share of flaws, and then some, but I don't know if I'd exactly call them jackasses, even in French.

  • chicken_thief

    “Bloomberg reporters have been trolling among former Koch employees overseas in search of disaffected voices willing to talk,” but Tapscott suspects the story may be animated by bias against the Tea Party.

    Looks like Tapscottt got himself a little taste of the Koch.

    • Negropolis

      Pepsi is better than Koch, anyway.

  • I always thought something was odd about Statler and Waldorf.

  • tessiee

    "rival New York billionaire Mike Bloomberg’s media machine is reportedly about to publish some big scandal story that proves the Koch Bros. are even worse than previously thought"

    Fortunately for all, Garry Trudeau has learned his lesson, and will wait until this is actually published before any reference to it appears in "Doonesbury".

  • tessiee


    I like this word, and plan to use it in the future, although probably not for its originally intended purpose.

  • Madam Killjoy

    Randolph Duke: Mother always said you were greedy.
    Mortimer Duke: She meant it as a compliment.

  • subsum

    Cunts… both of them.

  • Isyaignert

    These guys are the role model for the evil Duke brothers in the greatest movie of all time, "Trading Places." Here's a list of their products to boycott:


    Angel Soft toilet paper

    Brawny paper towels

    Dixie plates, bowls, napkins and cups

    Mardi Gras napkins and towels

    Quilted Northern toilet paper

    Soft ‘n Gentle toilet paper

    Sparkle napkins

    Vanity fair napkins

    Zee napkins

    Georgia-Pacific paper products and envelopes
    All Georgia-Pacific lumber and building products

  • Walkinwiddaking

    Jesus, judging by the picture those two look like a couple of waiters at a Shecky Greene friars roast.

  • SkinnyNerd

    Every time I see a picture of these two, I think it's the Duke brothers:

  • DoktorThompson

    Boom: "Koch Brothers Flout Law Getting Richer With Secret Iran Sales", Bloomberg, 2 October 2011.

    Don't worry, kiddies, it's more than just boring ol' Iran sales!

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