HAPPY 9/11 MONTH  1:48 pm September 29, 2011

Drone Terror Attack Thwarted Because Only Pentagon Is Allowed To Do That

by Ken Layne

He's back!What could be wrong about a robot-drone plane raining death and destruction upon the Enemy? Everything, when a Muslim wants to do it! (Otherwise, this is called “10 years of U.S. war in Afghanistan.”) Somehow, the FBI found an angry young Islamic dude in America who was, for some reason, angry about the endless murder of Muslims committed by the U.S. Department of Defense under orders from the Defense Contractors and their primary lobbyists, the U.S. Congress. And then the FBI did the usual thing of giving this dude a bunch of “fake” military explosives and assault weapons, so they could arrest him for having these things they just gave him, so they could say, “Terror Averted! (Please double our anti-terrorism budget, for freedom.)”

Reuters reports on this alleged scheme to use a remote-controlled plane to fly into the Pentagon and Capitol:

“The conduct alleged today shows that Mr. Ferdaus had long planned to commit violent acts against our country,” U.S. Attorney Carmen Ortiz said in a statement.

The statement said the public was never in danger from the explosive devices, which were controlled by undercover FBI employees.

Uhh, hello, anti-terror police-state crooks? You were supposed to put one of these deals together three weeks ago, for 9/11 Day. Chop chop, boys! [Reuters]

 
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{ 129 comments }

Indiepalin September 29, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Rezwan Ferdaus, also known as Cat Stevens

V572 Moon! September 29, 2011 at 1:56 pm

♪♫I'm being followed by a Predator drone♪♬

or

♪♫The FBI is coming to entrap us, they're coming to entrap us♪♬

weejee September 29, 2011 at 2:02 pm

The V572 Moon Shadow, too, also.

NPRadiotherapy® September 29, 2011 at 2:15 pm

I being followed by a Moon Shadow, Moon Shadow, Moon Shadow

Generation[redacted] September 29, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Baby baby it's a wild drone…

HarryButtle September 29, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Now I've been happy lately
Thinking about the good things to come
And I believe it could be
Something good has begun
I've been smiling lately
Dreaming about the world as one
And I believe it could be
Something good's bound to come

For out on the edge of darkness
There flies the peace drone
Peace drone take this country
Come take me home again

Generation[redacted] September 29, 2011 at 1:53 pm

You all saw it. He had a gun.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 29, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Where is the NRA when someone really needs them!

Dashboard_Jesus September 30, 2011 at 12:00 am

one of my favorite Bill Hick's bits ever… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbO0f9uaWZE

HistGuy September 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm

See, all Muslims want to kill Americans!

DashboardBuddha September 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm

You laugh, but here's the training video. Don't let the British accent fool you.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 29, 2011 at 2:14 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxgMhHOaUSY&fe

These guys are probably on some FBI list.

DashboardBuddha September 29, 2011 at 2:24 pm

No doubt (I've seen that vid before btw…never get tired of it.)

PalinzADummy September 29, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Oh, that is SO fucking cool! Thanks, Grumpe!

PalinzADummy September 29, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Sounds more like an Ozzie to me.

MrFizzy September 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm

If they want to kill off all the terrorists, give them gift certificates to Cheesecake Factory.

skoalrebel September 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm

This is what happens when we let the Gay Jihad invade our country. [spit!] The Mooselimb jihadis and their gay anchor babies are coming here to establish Sharia law and destroy marriage. Then they'll take away our guns and only let us play with toy airplanes. Secure the border!

baconzgood September 29, 2011 at 2:30 pm

I'm on pins and needles waiting for your manifesto.

johnnyzhivago September 29, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Even worse than Sharia Law, they will impose the Metric System on us!

Negropolis September 29, 2011 at 11:26 pm

They'll pry my feet and inches from my cold, dead hands!

SayItWithWookies September 29, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Dude was gonna fly a toy plane into the Pentagon, which would be the least-noticed terrorist attack since Bill Ayers blew up a urinal there. If the FBI is so intent on keeping us safe from people with absolutely no sense of proportion, then why is Glenn Beck still roaming the streets?

MiniMencken September 29, 2011 at 1:56 pm

It's not the size of the man in the jihad, it's the size of the jihad in the man! Don't you people know that?

bumfug September 29, 2011 at 1:57 pm

"Hey, c'mere a second…hold this gun will ya? Great, thanks."
"FREEZE,MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

ManchuCandidate September 29, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Skynet?

orygoon September 29, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Was he planning to do this one day when there is a big ol' wedding planned at the Pentagon?

Gratuitous World September 29, 2011 at 2:00 pm

yes. he is also the drummer in the wedding band.

Chichikovovich September 29, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Yeah, but when Al-Jazeera asked him about blasting the wedding, he was going to say it was actually male soldiers wearing wedding dresses and wigs. A plot to make jihadists look bad.

Come here a minute September 29, 2011 at 1:59 pm

It's a good thing no agency ever tried to frame liberals with fantasies of blowing up Bush and Cheney; it would have been like shooting fish in a barrel. The fake Secret Service did manage to keep dangerous tee shirts away, though.

weejee September 29, 2011 at 1:59 pm
DerrickWildcat September 29, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Sorry man, I won't go down this road.

keepem_sikanpor September 29, 2011 at 2:00 pm

BEEP BEEP, Rezwan.

BaldarTFlagass September 29, 2011 at 2:00 pm

"My Other Plane is Unmanned"

MildMidwesterner September 29, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Clever government folks: Agency 1 stages an attack on Agency 2. Agency 1 averts attack and can justify an increased budget due to recent successes. Agency 2, meanwhile, can demonstrate that it is a terror target and therefore deserves a budgetary increase. Both Agency 1 and Agency 2 win!

I can't wait to see how Health & Human Services stages an attack on the Department of Education.

chicken_thief September 29, 2011 at 2:14 pm

I always though "Sebilius" sounded furrin.

yrbmegr September 29, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Ah! This is a good sign. Next week: Bernanke vs. Geithner.

HistoriCat September 29, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Washington, December 2011:
The DEA reported a major sting came to a successful conclusion as part of an investigation into a "drugs for arms" scheme. Authorities believe the suspects may have ties to South American terrorist organizations.
***
The ATF has announced sweeping arrests of members of an arms trafficking ring. "These clowns were taking drugs and cash in exchange for firearms," said the chief agent. "This may be the most significant operation the ATF has completed in over a decade."
***
The FBI continues its crackdown on suspected terrorist organizations with a "huge" bust of suspected Al Qaeda operatives. "This group of suspects made contact with narco-traffickers in a large-scale swap of arms for money and narcotics," an FBI spokesman said today.

Negropolis September 29, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Arne Duncan would totally kick Sebellius' (sp?) ass, no doubt.

BaldarTFlagass September 29, 2011 at 2:01 pm

As Admiral Ackbar might say, "It's an entrap!"

MLHencken September 29, 2011 at 2:07 pm

He apparently couldn't escape stupidity of that magnitude.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 29, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Ackbar sounds mighty muslin to me…

Chichikovovich September 29, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Admiral Ackbar – isn't that the guy they wouldn't allow into Ole Miss? Probably 'cause he was a terrorist.

baconzgood September 29, 2011 at 2:03 pm

He doesn't sound very smart. How does trying to procure a drone plane NOT raise some flags? It's not like you can go into the sporting goods section of WalMart and say "I'll take some bait, and a few fish hooks, (coughing in hand) a drone plane, a tent, and where do you keep your camo pants?"

Generation[redacted] September 29, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Akshully there is a growing hobbyist market. The quadcopter is way cool, too…
http://diydrones.com/

baconzgood September 29, 2011 at 2:33 pm

It looks like it would as much dammage as those balsa wood things with the twist the rubber band to make it fly.

Chichikovovich September 29, 2011 at 2:44 pm

OMG! I saw a swarthy guy buy some rubber bands yesterday!

AlterNewt September 29, 2011 at 3:12 pm

…This..uh. .ping-pong table net, that Swiss army knife -no, the little one- aaaannnd….whaddy'all got in the way of contact explosives?"

vulpes82 September 29, 2011 at 4:25 pm

They never sound very smart.

Negropolis September 29, 2011 at 11:31 pm

It's not really a drone plane. We're talking about hobbyist RC planes. I had a really cheap one when I was a kid (the ones you fly on a line). We used to go watch the air shows when the hobbyist would fly them. Actually, we were even more into model rockets.

Dashboard_Jesus September 30, 2011 at 12:27 am

I KNEW you looked like a terrierist!

OzoneTom September 29, 2011 at 2:05 pm

This is what happens when we are pennywise with our domestic defense budget.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 29, 2011 at 2:13 pm

That's it!

LionHeartSoyDog September 29, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Pound foolish!

DemonicRage September 29, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Cheney would be so proud. He has no pulse–right? So, do you think he still shows excitement in a way that you can see?

Limeylizzie September 29, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Maybe in a way you can smell.

GunToting[Redacted] September 29, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Ug.

SayItWithWookies September 29, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Extra wheezing.

iburl September 29, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Drunken shotgun blast to the face?

PalinzADummy September 29, 2011 at 6:37 pm

The crest running down his spine becomes erect and flushed with the blood of the most recently devoured fetii.

Negropolis September 29, 2011 at 11:32 pm

So gross. **shivers**

MissTaken September 29, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Wait! I know this movie:

It's the one where the two bored old white men decide to frame their best employee (a white) with a super cheesy pack of money and replace him with a homeless beggar (a black) to see how long it takes for the white to go berserk. And Jamie Lee Curtis showed her tits.

BlueStateLibel September 29, 2011 at 2:07 pm

So basically, the FBI's primary functions nowadays are to: 1) lure and entrap Americans into blowing up America, and 2) pose as 13 year-old girls on the interwebs. Sounds easy, where do I sign up?

MissTaken September 29, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Fake drone planes float down there, too.

SaintRond September 29, 2011 at 2:12 pm

They want to kill us because we're so absolutely wonderful. Sixty years of solitary confinement in Florance, Colorado, will make him see the error of his ways.

WhatTheHeck September 29, 2011 at 2:13 pm

What a moron. Why would he seek to harm us Americans? We have everything anyone would ever need to live a peaceful, happy life: DWTS on teevee, 1/2 lb anus burgers and internet pron.

Leave us alone.

Goonemeritus September 29, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Apparently this guy was a model airplane enthusiast this is a well know subset of men best characterized by their utter inability to get laid. As the years go by it is becoming increasingly clear that sexual frustration is playing a role in this conflict. The last 6 or 7 “Terrorists” had lack of slap & tickle as a common theme in their narrative. I propose we either round up the celibate or we reconstitute home land security as a crack team of aggressive tramps.

Chet Kincaid September 29, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I enjoy your insights. Please sell me a subscription to your newsletter at the annual rate of $2.98.

mumbly_joe September 29, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Hmm, if that's true, then I'm probably only a month or so longer of a dry spell away from joining Team Death-to-America, myself. I sure hope I can find a lady who's willing to make the sexytime with me, for America.

Negropolis September 29, 2011 at 11:33 pm

As someone who pracitcally lived in hobby stores and shops as a kid and teen, I think you might be on to something…

Limeylizzie September 29, 2011 at 2:15 pm

OT but look what my favourite Congressman is up to.
http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20110927/news/

OneYieldRegular September 29, 2011 at 2:21 pm

That whole story had more homoerotic overtones than the Folsom Street Fair.

Limeylizzie September 29, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Including where it was held.Codman Cultural Center, 12015 Mill St.,

PalinzADummy September 29, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Codswallop!

Limeylizzie September 29, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Love that word!

Dashboard_Jesus September 30, 2011 at 12:31 am

why would anyone want to swallow a cod? oh wait…

freakishlywrong September 29, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Jenkins' comments were greeted by frowns, a few cuss words and at least one shout of “liar” from an audience member.

They really are awful, tantrumy, children. Ugh.

Tundra Grifter September 29, 2011 at 2:57 pm

The Second War of Jenkins' Ear?

fuflans September 29, 2011 at 3:00 pm

now that's some mighty 18th c. historical snarking my friend. well done.

Tundra Grifter September 29, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Putting the "Oh!" in obscure.

Chichikovovich September 29, 2011 at 2:50 pm

To judge by the description of the crowd, I'm guessing that 95% of those guys are divorced, with restraining orders out against them, and are skipping out on their child care payments. So Walsh's appeal is understandable.

FlownOver September 29, 2011 at 2:51 pm

"'We are an embarrassment (in Illinois),' Walsh said."

Still the King of the Assholes, but more self-aware than I had thought.

Tundra Grifter September 29, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Great sub-head: "Gun rights advocates 'pack' tea party gathering" (interior quote marks added)

prommie September 29, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Just goes to show, the smoker you drink, the player you get.

SarahsBush September 29, 2011 at 2:59 pm

I have been to Huntley. You wouldn't think the Deep South could establish itself so close to a city like Chicago, but it has.

ThundercatHo September 29, 2011 at 3:05 pm

He's my favorite asshole too. Besides not paying his child support (isn't that a jailable offense?) he now wants a bunch of nitwits and imbeciles to be able to carry their guns around in public. If he is willing to do anything for votes I'm sure it would be less dangerous to just suck Rush Limbaugh's dick on TV.

CapnFatback September 29, 2011 at 3:21 pm

He closed by quoting a bumper sticker he recently saw: “Blaming the gun for gun violence is like blaming the spoon that made Roseanne Barr fat.”

Two things:

1. He "recently" saw a bumper sticker ripping Rosanne Barr's weight? What, was it on the back of an '89 Buick Skylark?

2. HA HA, great analogy, which would make total sense if Rosanne were using her spoon to make other people fat.

Idiots.

Dashboard_Jesus September 30, 2011 at 12:36 am

nice *fat* analogy Cap'n…my guess is '89 Buick Skylarks (what a total piece of GM crap) is REAL popular in Walsh's neighborhood since you can pay CASH for them, so the federales can't track you for non-payment of child support

chicken_thief September 29, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Mr. Ferdaus, you fucking moron, you have to go through Ollie North!!!

NPRadiotherapy® September 29, 2011 at 2:17 pm

A decade of Fatherland Security has kept us safe, oh wait, it's the FBI who caught this guy, my bad.

GunToting[Redacted] September 29, 2011 at 2:17 pm

When RC planes are outlawed, only terrerists will have RC planes. Send your donation to the NRCA today!

prommie September 29, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Members of the NRCA get $100,000 of liability insurance against claims arising out of the use of their model planes, way more than enough to cover all potential damage this plot was likely to cause.

ttommyunger September 29, 2011 at 2:18 pm

The FBI has become the Number One Best Agency for planning, detecting and preventing its own criminal plots. I don't know how they do it! I'm waiting with breathless anticipation for the video of agents wrestling themselves to the ground. If only J. Edgar Hoover were alive to see this today; I'm sure he'd take Clyde Tolson's dick out of his mouth long enough to say "Well Done!".

Dashboard_Jesus September 30, 2011 at 12:39 am

nice Clyde Tolson reference, one od the biggest two douchebags/ criminals in the history of the FBI…he and JEH was a great couple (of assholes) for years, eh?

ttommyunger September 30, 2011 at 11:38 am

I get bitter consolation from the fact that I know they both lived every minute of every day in a state of constant fear of being outed publicly. Can't be that good a quality of life.

Thurman Munster IV September 29, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Rezwan Ferdaus? Isn't that the GOP Chairman?

chicken_thief September 29, 2011 at 2:23 pm

You realize that "Rezwan Ferdaus" spelled backwards is "Suadrer Nawzer", don't you? **knowing nod** Nuff said.

Dashboard_Jesus September 30, 2011 at 12:42 am

no you must be thinking of Reinzwan Prius, easy to get the two confused tho…at least he's a fan o' mine!

Reince Priebus drives a Rented Prius
Reince Priebus has a Dashboard Jesus
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Reince-Priebus-driv

Callyson September 29, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Ferdaus allegedly ordered the plane using the alias "Dave Winfield."
Well, George Steinbrenner would have figured this guy for a terrorist right away:
n 1981, New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner made headlines by signing Winfield to a 10-year, $23 million ($55,541,116 today) contract, making him the game's highest-paid player. Steinbrenner mistakenly thought he was signing Winfield for $16 million ($38,637,298 today), a misunderstanding that led to the most infamous public feud in baseball history. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Winfield

Tundra Grifter September 29, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Dave Winfield – didn't he kill a seagull in Toronto?

And wasn't he sued by Robin Givens' mother for giving her a SDT?

Drafted out of college by four teams in three sports – including football, which he didn't play in college?

freakishlywrong September 29, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Has Fzux brushed him off as a "lone wolf", a "nut, acting alone", yet?

GunToting[Redacted] September 29, 2011 at 2:43 pm

The FBI?

Tundra Grifter September 29, 2011 at 2:54 pm

FW: You mean as predicted in the Domestic Terrorism Report from the Department of Homeland Security that ClusterFox thought was so terrible?

freakishlywrong September 29, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Except the Muslins are always terrorists and the crazy wingers and always l"one wolves", meaning no, Glenn Beck or Bernie Goldberg didn't tell them to do it; (they did).

Chichikovovich September 29, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Naw, the "lone wolves" are the ones that listen to Glen Beck and Rush, and do all their preparations themselves and actually succeed in killing people. The international terrorist muslim terrorist jihadi terrorists are the ones who are so clueless that they wouldn't be able to get out of their own beds if they didn't have the FBI leading them each step of the way until – long before they're in a position to do anything – they're arrested for purchasing aircraft with malice aforethought, and being a terrorist.

Chichikovovich September 29, 2011 at 2:31 pm

What is Illinois GOP State Senator Suzi Schmidt doing down that storm drain?

Weenus299 September 29, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Soooo, the FBI sponsors a quiz show, called Toy or Weapon? Right? And sensational tee vee persona Ryan Seacrest presents the contestants with an object. If a contestent presumes an object to be a weapon, they are immediately swarmed by a dozen FBI agents, beaten and relocated indefinitely to Guantanamo Bay. If they consider an object a toy, they are given high-level intelligence positions within the Beltway.

Eve8Apples September 29, 2011 at 2:37 pm

We must entrap them over here so we can continue to murder them over there.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 29, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Clearly the FBI had to stop this, as his plans cost 1/100000 that of the Pentagon. If that got out, surely we would have a Tea Party rebellion against all that Pentagon waste.

johnnyzhivago September 29, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Be afraid of copycat terrorists people!

Some where someone is planning an attack on Lionel Amtrak trains – maybe in YOUR basement.

Mahousu September 29, 2011 at 2:48 pm

People may laugh at the idea of attacking the Pentagon with a toy plane, but, according to the manufacturer, the F-86 Sabre EDF sports "best-in-class design principles and top-of-the-line glass and balsa construction techniques."

Let me tell you, that balsa can give you a nasty splinter if you're not careful. And that's not even considering the (3 square inches of) glass.

PubOption September 29, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Does the manufacturer say how much explosive it can carry? I suspect it won't be enough to blow a hole in a cardboard box.

Tundra Grifter September 29, 2011 at 2:52 pm

I read the headline "Drone Attack" and thought we were in for another speech from Joe Lieberman.

freakishlywrong September 29, 2011 at 2:58 pm

The Pic. Night terrors.

prommie September 29, 2011 at 3:02 pm

I almost swooned at the mere thought of the havoc and devastation that would be caused by the impact of, what, a pound and a half, of plastique, into the hardened, blast-proof walls of the Pentagon. Oh, the humanity!

prommie September 29, 2011 at 3:04 pm

I read this quote last night, now I forget who said it: "what kind of monster would attack a military target with a remote-controlled aircraft?"

LiveToServeYa September 29, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Thank God the FBI exists to protect us from this toy menace.

ThundercatHo September 29, 2011 at 3:09 pm

I always tell my children, "If someone offers to give you a remote controlled drone plane and enough explosives to blow up the Pentagon, just say NO!"

Eve8Apples September 29, 2011 at 3:11 pm

You would think the Pentagon would have an army of GI Joe dolls on high alert to stop the toy airplane attacks.

Ken Layne September 29, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Hahahahahahahaha you win the Internet.

Generation[redacted] September 29, 2011 at 3:14 pm

In all the chaos of RC planes, matchbox car bombs, and improvised lego devices, an important memo was missed:

"Ken and Barbie Determined to Attack U.S."

Graham Cracker September 29, 2011 at 4:11 pm

The statement said the public was never in danger from the explosive devices, which were controlled by undercover FBI employees.

This sounds a lot like the plan to sell automatic rifles to the Messicans so they could track them back to the drug cartels. Who thinks of these things????

PalinzADummy September 29, 2011 at 6:51 pm

I dunno, but I sure as fuck want their job, because I bet they get great benes.

UnholyMoses September 29, 2011 at 4:26 pm

In related news, a man from Boston just won a free trip to Cuba …

(Blatantly stolen from someone; just can't remember from whom it was or where I read it.)

poncho_pilot September 29, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Ancient_Hacker September 29, 2011 at 5:07 pm

oooh, oooh, let's be Physics geeks and do the math!:

Ratio of weights of a F-86 made of balsa wood versus a 767– about 10,000

Ratio of top speeds of aforesaids– about 40

Formula for potential energy— 1/2 m v squared.

Ratio of potential damage caused by banging into pentagon: about 160,000,000

I have a hard time imagining what 1/160 millionth of the 9/11 pentagon damage would be– a light scratch in the stonework and a hangnail?

owhatever September 29, 2011 at 5:27 pm

The FBI, once again, has done marvelous work and saved us from catastrophe. All my Wonketteer friends believe the same. Any comments about the Feebs being so incompetent that they have to create their own potential disaster scenario, or questioning where the hell they were before 9/11 are just us teasing them in good humor, because we admire them so much. We love our FBI, particularly those hard-working special agent guys and gals monitoring this site.

Negropolis September 29, 2011 at 11:16 pm

Out of the dozen so-labeled "plots" after 9/11, I can count on one hand how many were operational. The rest of them are just plain, fucking entrapment. Security theater is the worst kind of theater…well, apart from a Jennifer Lopez rom-com.

Negropolis September 29, 2011 at 11:39 pm

BTW, I love how they keep emphasizing that Rezwan Ferdaus is an "American national." You know, 'cause a guy with a name like Rezwan Ferdaus couldn't have possibly been from the United States unless you told us he was.

snarkelle September 30, 2011 at 12:23 am

Thwarted by my GI Joes! Praise Jeebus and bless the USofA.

PalinzADummy September 29, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Me too. :)

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