A REASONABLE PROPOSAL  12:47 pm September 29, 2011

Hero Columnist Offers To Pay To Drug Test Florida Lawmakers

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Damn dogs, always eatin all tha drugz.Florida governor Rick Scott is one of those charming sociopath fundamentalist teabagger fiscal responsibility screamers who will nonetheless spend millions of taxpayer dollars to make absolutely sure that the government isn’t giving a single $104 check to a poor drug user even as the state cuts school funding, just to prove he is an annoying hardass. So far, only 2.5% of welfare recipients have tested positive, making this a very expensive joke Rick Scott is playing on poors and taxpayers. But since “government savings” is nominally the reason behind drug testing state check recipients, Miami Herald columnist and novelist Carl Hiaasen, god bless him, proposes lawmakers show a little fairness and participate in a “patriotic whiz-fest” (Maureen Dowd is jealous of this line) where they, too, must all pee in a cup to prove as a group they are as crack-free as 97.5% of welfare recipients. 

From Hiaasen’s column in the Miami Herald:

Here in Florida, Rick Scott’s campaign promise of mass job creation is at least coming true for professional urine samplers. However, in addition to being sued over drug-testing welfare parents, Scott also faces a court fight for ordering random substance screening on thousands of state workers.

Interestingly, the governor’s pee-in-the-cup mandate doesn’t apply to the one bunch that whizzes away more tax dollars than anyone else – the legislators who pass such useless laws.

I say line up all 160 of ‘em for a patriotic whiz-fest at the Capitol clinic. You think more than 2.5 percent might test positive? Let’s find out.

And I’ll pay for it out of my own pocket. Seriously.

Any lawmaker who says “no” to this is automatically a crackhead. [Miami Herald via RawStory]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 149 comments }

Come here a minute September 29, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Clinton Tyree could kick Rick Scott's ass.

Not_So_Much September 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Skink 2012!

This is brilliant — I hope it embarrasses them into actually doing it.

NPRadiotherapy® September 29, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Hillary Clinton could kick Rick Scott's ass too.

littlebigdaddy September 29, 2011 at 2:06 pm

The idea of Rick Scott wandering around in the Everglades like Skink is enough to give a person nightmares.

FNMA September 29, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Hiaasen kicks ass.

Dr_Zoidberg September 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm

I, too, will donate some money.

ifthethunderdontgetya September 29, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Rick Scott smokes crack. Pass it on.
~

Barb September 29, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Pass it to the left hand side.

superdave September 29, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Yeah, but crack doesn't affect his type of lifeform the way it would a human.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Rick-Scott-Alien-Ov

MozakiBlocks September 29, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Best damn idea I've heard in a long time. Can we expand this to Congress?

Tundra Grifter September 29, 2011 at 1:32 pm

As J.J. Walker said about drug testing postal employees, you sure aren't going to find out they are on speed.

An_Outhouse September 29, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Yes. Technically, they work for us. As their employers, I think random drug tests should be mandatory. Also, strip searches into and leaving their office building. No contraband in, no paper clips, pens, and staplers out.

tihond September 29, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Jeb Bush's daughter does not find this very funny.

Maman September 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm

And George Prescott Bush doesn't want to have bail out any more Floridian drug users.

Negropolis September 29, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Ah, Noelle Bush. What a sweet, hot mess that woman is.

MLHencken September 29, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Geez, I would have to get high every day just to face the horrid reality of being a state worker. Don't these poor people suffer enough?

Gratuitous World September 29, 2011 at 12:54 pm

yes, but can they test urine for Medicare fraud?

johnnyzhivago September 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm

This is a Jobs for Drug Testers Plan

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Too bad Wizzinators aren't on the market anymore.

BaldarTFlagass September 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Luvs me some Hiaasen. Just wish he'd get done writing them kids books and get back to the reelz funny.

Indiepalin September 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Couldn't agree more. Test every one of those so-called lawmakers, and ship anyone testing negative to the Island paradise of Cuba.

Beowoof September 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Just make them stay in Florida, they are turning it into a real shithole anyway.

grex1949 September 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm

At least now they can buy a car manufactured after 1959. After obtaining a permit, of course.

HistoriCat September 29, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Why should they be shipped off to a Caribbean nation with pristine beaches and socialized healthcare?

rahelio September 29, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Cuba is way too good for them. If it has to be communist, make it North Korea.

RavenRant September 29, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Positive test results = Barefoot hike/wade/swim through Everglades sawgrass.

Call it the Florida Douchebag Triathlon.

Rosie_Scenario September 29, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Great idea, which also popped into my mind the other day. I reside in FL and the state legislature is one of the worst. They don't do much, and when they do, it is usually wrong-headed.

NPRadiotherapy® September 29, 2011 at 12:56 pm

We're pretty good at producing "pee" too.
I also think we should piss test Wonketters, for science.

BaldarTFlagass September 29, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Questions you already know the answers to, why bother asking them?

GunToting[Redacted] September 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Well, you know you would find more science in our bloodstreams than in the average teabagger's…

Pat_Pending September 29, 2011 at 1:21 pm

PISS-FEST FOR PEACE! OR JUSTICE! WHATEVER!

NPRadiotherapy® September 29, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Riley might like this as his next coverage assignment.

AntonovBureau September 29, 2011 at 6:30 pm

I will donate my drug laced pee to these worthy causes. Please let me know how I can deduct this from my taxes.

johnnyzhivago September 29, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Wonkette should just go and rename itself "Florida-Texas-South Carolina News" because 90% of the dumbass stories in this country seem to eminate from these three states
.

FNMA September 29, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Arizona is pissed.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 29, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Don't forget the great joke states of Illinois, California and Mississippi.

emmelemm September 29, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Yeah, that was my first thought: "Duh, ARIZONA!"

BaldarTFlagass September 29, 2011 at 1:04 pm

The Dumbass Triangle.

OkieDokieDog September 29, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Hey. If I remember right, my home state of Oklahoma was the 1st to pass a NO Sharia law… but I've had a few bong hits since then so… what was we talkin' bout?
Oh also too we might have been the 1st to run off the most Messicans at once after some other anti-brown people law was passed. I think the population of Tulsa dropped like 20 thou in about 2 weeks. You know they weren't paying any taxes and stuff and then the local LEGAL Hispanic & real Merican businesses weren't paying in all that state & local tax they were collecting from the illegals. Funny how that stuff works. Oh well.

freakishlywrong September 29, 2011 at 1:19 pm

They are also known as "tabloid states". See: Walking the Appalachian Trail, Caylee Anthony or..well..any fucking thing in Tejas.

SayItWithWookies September 29, 2011 at 1:21 pm

You know what this means? It means the Palins are doing a crappy job of keeping Alaska out in front of the news cycle.

BarryOPotter September 29, 2011 at 1:41 pm

You know what this means? It means the Palins are doing a crappy job of keeping Alaska out in front of the news cycle.

Psh. They're Palins. They quit that job, what, 3 jobs ago.

e_z September 29, 2011 at 1:31 pm

My first thought was those states contain 90% of the dumbasses so it made statistical sense. However, America is jam stuffed with dumbasses so maybe these states are the extreme right of the Dumb Ass bell curve…

chicken_thief September 29, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Scott Walker has pledged to redouble his efforts.

justkillmenow September 29, 2011 at 2:54 pm

The new Alabama "get off my lawn" law should qualify them for dumbass status.

SmutBoffin September 29, 2011 at 12:57 pm

While you're at it, check the passenger seats of their Beamers for "women of negotiable affection".

chicken_thief September 29, 2011 at 1:36 pm

And Cuban Rentaboys.

MiniMencken September 29, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Oh, dear, good SmutBoffin, thou hast expanded my vocabulary as surely as the Bard of Avon himself!

ShaveTheWhales September 29, 2011 at 5:29 pm

That would be the Bard of Ankh-Morpork.

emmelemm September 29, 2011 at 12:57 pm

I'm on board. This is a fucking genius idea.

Goonemeritus September 29, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Can they test for douchebaggery with a simple urine test or do they have to extract bone marrow?

BaldarTFlagass September 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Usually, a three- or four-question verbal exam is all that's required. (I was gonna say "oral" instead of "verbal," but, well, you know where we are…)

Beowoof September 29, 2011 at 1:08 pm

I would say an anal probe, but the majority would enjoy it way too much.

V572 Moon! September 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Maybe they need to test marrow or maybe not, but doing the extraction would be worth it in any case. It should be on cable.

mumbly_joe September 29, 2011 at 3:13 pm

It would be irresponsible not to!

An_Outhouse September 29, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Perform a spinal tap just to be sure.

Nothingisamiss September 29, 2011 at 5:13 pm

If they refuse, wouldn't it just be admitting their bone marrow showed douchebaggery?

freddymcmurray September 29, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Insert rightwing troll statement about "I have to get tested, so they should too" and "if you're not doin' nuthin' wrong, ya got nuthin' to worry 'bout". Oh wait, that stuff's reserved for the poarz. Carry on.

OneYieldRegular September 29, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Awesome. They should do this right on the Capitol steps, like when everyone ran out to scream The Pledge of Allegiance in an effort to out-patriot one another.

prommie September 29, 2011 at 12:59 pm

My idea of a patriotic whiz-fest would be to line them up and piss on them.

FNMA September 29, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I would suspect that a large majority of them would enjoy that kind of thing.

Beowoof September 29, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Sort of a reverse trickle down economics, a golden shower of freedumb.

Limeylizzie September 29, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I would be up for that, except they would have to lie down while I gamboled merrily above them , peeing as I went , due to the lady parts.

widestanceshakedown September 29, 2011 at 2:14 pm

I'd like to put some real sport into it by having them get pissed upon from helicopters full of incontinent wolves fed nothing but asparagus smoothies for weeks prior.

AntonovBureau September 29, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Oh, come on. This is Wonkette. Cleveland Steamers must be the starting point. Pee is to rinse one's mouth with.

ttommyunger September 29, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I'd settle for a simple I.Q. Test. Anything above room temperature would surprise me, considering the average voter in that State is dumber than a box of rocks.

flamingpdog September 29, 2011 at 1:28 pm

My box of rocks was offended by your implication that its intelligence level is even in the same neighborhood as that of Florida voters.

ttommyunger September 29, 2011 at 1:54 pm

My most sincere apologies to your inanimate but, by comparison, intelligent mineral deposits.

paris biltong September 29, 2011 at 5:05 pm

I would agree with that, mainly based on the notion that I'd rather be high than stupid and apply the same standard to those to whom I delegate authority. May God protect us from those too dumb to ever get high.

ttommyunger September 30, 2011 at 11:34 am

Well, those who get high will come to Earth from time to time when necessary. The stupid, on the other hand, enjoy their state 24/7, 365 days a year.

freakishlywrong September 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm

This is akin to all these psychos, (baldie included), bragging they've "eliminated over blahblahblah gubbmint jawbs" forgetting, conveniently, that they themselves are gubbmint employees. And the mouth breathing yokels that support these fuckers cheer wildly at the misfortune of their fellow citizens. It's a cult, I tell ya.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm

This is a job killing idea, as surely the only positive economic trend in Florida is the cocaine trade.

PubOption September 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Has Scott responded with anything other than a derisive snort?

Callyson September 29, 2011 at 1:23 pm

I see what you did there.

flamingpdog September 29, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Is Scott capable of responding with anything other than a derisive snort?

Tundra Grifter September 29, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Scattering the powder all over the mirror?

chicken_thief September 29, 2011 at 1:37 pm

I like what you did there!

ThundercatHo September 29, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Great plan. But, I'll do you one better. Sample must be obtained with a catheter inserted into the urethra. Preferably one with spikes.

Spurning Beer September 29, 2011 at 6:09 pm

I think there is medical necessity to that plan. To make sure the urine is from the identified individual, it must be collected via cystoscope.

The spikes are not technically necessary, but why not? They're Florida legislators, you know?

freakishlywrong September 29, 2011 at 1:03 pm

"Here in Florida, Rick Scott’s campaign promise of mass job creation is at least coming true for professional urine samplers."

Not only is this funny, it's true, on several levels.

Chillwaver September 29, 2011 at 1:04 pm

I've been saying the same shit for for months now. You're welcome, Carl Hiaasen!

freakishlywrong September 29, 2011 at 1:05 pm

And KBJ rimshots with the alt-texty!

SayItWithWookies September 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Maybe we should administer the citizenship test while we're at it. They should all be able to ace that, right?

hollywooddood September 29, 2011 at 2:11 pm

They could call it the Constitution Quiz and Whiz.

Ohforcripessake September 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Oh I wunder if Scott had a drug lab contribute to his campaign??

BaldarTFlagass September 29, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Doesn't he own one? Or maybe his wife does?

freakishlywrong September 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm

He owned them, (Solantic), until there were teensy whispers that perhaps him passing this law was a tad inappropriate. THEN, he unloaded them to his wife, because everyone knows, married couples don't share the wealth.

NPRadiotherapy® September 29, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Another good way to cover Medicare fraud too.

Gleem_McShineys September 29, 2011 at 6:48 pm

because everyone knows, married couples don't share the wealth

Joe Walsh is on line 2 for you. He was wondering if you'd like to become a star (witness)?

FNMA September 29, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Kind of.
Scott owns clinics that would profit directly from drug testing. So, essentially, he's cutting out the middleman.

Generation[redacted] September 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I like this idea, and anyone who tests negative for marijuana should be immediately thrown out of office. Now where's that white house form to propose new laws on the Internetz?

CapnFatback September 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Well, that's one way to put a stop to government waste.

NorbertsRevenge September 29, 2011 at 1:08 pm

This gives me starbursts.

Just for good measure, put them all the same room and make them whiz at the same time. Each squatting over a little cup, boys too. While Susie Schmidt in a nurse's uniform glares at them.

Here's another rude suggestion: why not also apply to the CEOs and shareholders of any contractor that does business with the government? aka recipients of corporate welfare.

Generation[redacted] September 29, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Make them pee in a cup while a naked Rahm Emanuel pokes them in the chest.

FNMA September 29, 2011 at 1:14 pm

And not with his finger.

MozakiBlocks September 29, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Oh I like this one!!!! Is he nekkid also too?

SoBeach September 29, 2011 at 1:22 pm

That's a fantastic suggestion. If your company does bidness with the state, the taxpayers are entitled to know if you're on the dope.

As for Hiaasen's proposal, I'd also like to see legislators subjected to random 2 p.m. breathalyzer tests, with the results posted on the internets.

Beowoof September 29, 2011 at 1:11 pm

I am in for donating to pay for this. And I agree with Baldar, I hope he gets back to writing the funny soon.

orygoon September 29, 2011 at 1:12 pm

While they are at it, they should test GO-Pee for crazy factors. Important science experiment!

smitallica September 29, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Hey Rick, while you're at it, let's test and see just how many people in the PRIVATE sector are using drugs. Which, by the way reduces productivity and raises costs for me, the taxpayer.

If it's less than 25%, I'll eat my hat.

NPRadiotherapy® September 29, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Do they piss test for the ghey too?

Weenus299 September 29, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Why not take this nationally? Everyone is given 4-ounce cups, everyone pees, everyone places filled 4-ounce cup next to one another along capitol steps, or wall street or some shit.

yrbmegr September 29, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Why waste the cups?

BlueStateLibel September 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

I'm all on board. And please add mandatory afternoon breathalyzer tests.

Callyson September 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Today, the FLA state legislators. Tomorrow, the House of Representatives. Next year, GOP voters…
Now, if the Democrats turned this idea into a fundraiser, they'd have plenty of money in 2012…

weejee September 29, 2011 at 1:19 pm

As a regular pisser, how's 'bout adding surgeons to the pee test?

Beetagger September 29, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Maybe Jeb Bush can hold the cup while they pee.

flamingpdog September 29, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Plastic cups use precious oil in their manufacture. Jeb can help save money and the environment by cupping his hands instead.

ManchuCandidate September 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Who knew that demanding poors to piss into a cup would end out to be a pissing match?

widestanceshakedown September 29, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Scott IS Big Piss.

BaldarTFlagass September 29, 2011 at 1:29 pm

I just can't understand the logic of testing poor people for drugs. I never really got any good drugs until I had a job. I mean, I had to save up for several weeks to amass enough money for a lid from the paltry allowance my parents gave me when I was a kid. Now that I am in six-figures-ville, it's only the best, and all that I need, for me…

SayItWithWookies September 29, 2011 at 1:35 pm

It's not intended to solve any problems — just to heap scorn, stigma and derision on poor people. Because rewarding the rich seems like a hollow gesture unless you punish the underclass as well.

BaldarTFlagass September 29, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Or to paraphrase Bogey in Casablance, "Here's looking down at you, kid."

Chichikovovich September 29, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Yeah, but that was back then. Nowadays poor people have flatscreen color teevees, refrigerators, and warshin machines. And in places like Florida, Arizona and Texas, sometimes they have even battered, second-hand window air conditioners for one of the rooms of their house. And one time, I saw a guy get groceries with food stamps when just the week before I had seen him on his ratty porch drinking a beer. So of course they've got all sorts of money for drugs.

DashboardBuddha September 29, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Hey..wait a minute. Hiaasen…isn't that one of them A-rab names?

Chichikovovich September 29, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Yeah, just look at the guy – he's got "Islamist suicide bomber" written all over him:
http://www.qpb.com/author-carl-hiaasen-books-716….

DashboardBuddha September 29, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Hmmm, he looks like he might be one of them Nowegian Freedom Fighters now that you mention it. Hiaasen the Assassin.

Chichikovovich September 29, 2011 at 1:32 pm

And anyone who tests positive for oxycontin must be forbidden to host any radio broadcasts.

chicken_thief September 29, 2011 at 1:41 pm

I'm sure with his ties to the industry Rick only does the good prescription shit. None of that street crap for him.

crybabyboehner September 29, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Him and Keef.

Pithaughn September 29, 2011 at 1:45 pm

"My doctor has me on a poppy seed muffin diet"

Mumbletypeg September 29, 2011 at 1:46 pm

This dog's singularly pliable torso (re: photo — do dogs call them 'torso's?) possibly is more disturbing than Rick's own features' unique seizure-inducing effect with little distortion required.

Barrelhse September 29, 2011 at 2:50 pm

If only the pooch had his "lipstick" out- now THAT would resemble Dick Scott.

What? Oh. RICK Scott

yrbmegr September 29, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Where do I sign up to pee on Florida legislators?

MissTaken September 29, 2011 at 1:54 pm

For some reason I have R.Kelly stuck in my head now.

fartknocker September 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm

This is a great idea. What would be even better is to save all the urine from these whiz quizzes and when Dick Cheney drops dead we can pour the piss on his grave.

Note to Rick Perry: If choose to do this in Texas, I strongly recommend you purchase the book "How to Pass The Urine Examination." It's available on your Kindle for $3.99. It will help you pass this exam.

Pat_Pending September 29, 2011 at 2:01 pm

If we could add in some free beer, this could be a volume as well as a content contest!

jus_wonderin September 29, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Do Florida lawmakers have any pee left to test after peeing so often on the people of Florida????

crybabyboehner September 29, 2011 at 2:12 pm

This idea will go over like a McRib sandwich at a Bar Mitzvah.

mumbly_joe September 29, 2011 at 2:31 pm

I would assume this is a haha satirical ModestProposal, but no, that's actually a good idea. Why arent' we doing this?

lulzmonger September 29, 2011 at 3:16 pm

So … much … win …

I predict the FLA pols will take him up on this – right after Piggly Wiggly opens a chain of restaurants in Mecca.

spinozasgod September 29, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Sadly over 70% of Floridians are in favor of drug testing the poors….after all it isn't THEM….although if you want to do a "deserving test" on people who are getting tax dollars why don't they drug test Social Security recipients? After all they are taking gummint moneez too, and also.

Guppy06 September 29, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Require the whiz quiz in order to cash a campaign check.

Swampgas_Man September 29, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Didn't Doonesbury come up w/ something like this a long time ago? "Friends, I have come to give SPECIMEN!"

owhatever September 29, 2011 at 5:19 pm

I am job-creating a private sector pee-switch corporation available. For a reasonable fee, I will accept bottles of pee of Republican legislators and dump it on their heads.

lochnessmonster September 29, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Okay Carl…you finally did it. I will go back and read all the books I missed since I finished Sick Puppy and Basket Case even though I am going through a Reading is for Losers faze right now. Got to help you pay for the Whizz-fest!

RavenRant September 29, 2011 at 5:37 pm

I think it's urgent that we immediately begin testing Rick Scott, everyone in his administration, and all Florida legislators for witchcraft.

Toss 'em in the water. If they float, DEATH PENALTY! If they drown, meh.

Then, on to Capitol Hill!

AntonovBureau September 29, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Umm, has anyone investigated if Rick Scott's little healthcare empire do drug testing? Even if not, I suspect there is lots of room in those drug testing fees for juicy commissions to be paid.

seppdecker September 29, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Two Houses, one cup.

Seriously tho, I love Carl Hiaasen so much. He's one of the reasons I can be proud of our country.

Negropolis September 29, 2011 at 11:46 pm

I think all of the poorz in Florida should get up to Tallahassee and piss all over the capitol steps…you know, for freedumbz, or something.

Negropolis September 29, 2011 at 11:57 pm

Michigan is doing something similar. It's now checking to make sure folks on assistance don't have any kind of car that could be considered reliable, because that now counts as "income." God forbid you're one of the new poorz (of which there are many in Michigan) with a car from the last decade, 'cause know you'll just be cut off. Students are also now mostly cut-off, even the ones with poor parents that can't send them money for food, which has had the effect of just moving students to taking out more loans which they won't ever be able to pay off given the job prospects, here, and that's if they make it through college in the first place.

horsedreamer_1 September 30, 2011 at 7:53 pm

No car? So much for "welfare to work". Not like the Mitten has mass transit.

UnholyMoses September 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Someone should start an online campaign to raise the funds … which, ironically, enough, would probably include money gained from the sale of illegal drugs.

Of course, if the legislators refuse, we can use the money to buy drugs, thus completing the circle.

SoBeach September 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm

It would cost a mere $30,000 to $40,000 to give each Florida legislator four random drug tests per year.

I PROMISE you there are more than 30,000 Floridians willing to kick in a buck each to make it happen.

Terry September 29, 2011 at 1:52 pm

I might forgive Hiaasen now for the film adaptation of his novel Strip Tease.

GunToting[Redacted] September 29, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Hakuna matada!

rahelio September 29, 2011 at 4:32 pm

My money wasn't gained from selling, but I'd happily skip a week of "getting my medicine" to make these patriots piss in a cup.

yrbmegr September 29, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Some non-Floridians might also contribute. And we can set up a separate fund to pay for the prosecutions. FTW.

RavenRant September 29, 2011 at 5:19 pm

I consider him the victim in that travesty. The book was great. (As all of his books are.)

Demi Moore is kryptonite to funny. Also, can't dance.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: