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One of the perks of elected local office should be that you can tell law enforcement to, eh look the other way from time to time when you need to straighten out your spouse, because, come on, right? Illinois GOP State Senator Suzi Schmidt locked her husband out of the house without a coat on Christmas and then reportedly phoned her neighborhood 911 dispatchers with a little courtesy call to tell them she was “the Lake County Board chairman for 10 years,” just so they know, and then advised them to ignore her husband if he called afterward to complain of her abuse, which if he was smart he wouldn’t do, since “he’s kind of afraid of me because he knows I have connections.” No big deal.

From the Illinois Daily Herald:

“On the 911 call, I identified myself — but I never intended to inappropriately use my title. However, I apologize if any of my comments during this very emotional time seem inappropriate,” she said.

Suzi Schmidt, elected to a 2-year state senate term in 2010, called a 911 dispatcher at 9:55 a.m. Dec. 25 because she believed her husband soon would be doing the same.

“Hi Allison, this is Suzi Schmidt. I was the Lake County Board chairman for 10 years,” she said on the 911 recording obtained through a Freedom of Information Act request. “Listen, I’m having a little problem with my husband right now.”

“Like a domestic-type problem?” the dispatcher inquired.

Suzi Schmidt said all was fine at the home, then provided some detail on what she wanted from the 911 dispatcher.

“If he calls, Bob Schmidt, you can ignore him. Of course, I just caught him with another woman, so that’s why I’m a little upset,” she said.

Oh, Illinois politicians. Do not try the Rod Blagojevich tape-recording denial tricks at home. [Daily Herald]

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  • OC_Surf_Serf

    There goes another GOP abusing 9/11

    • yep!

    • Sue4466

      OK, folks, we're done here.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      You win the internets for today!!

    • chicken_thief

      GIULIANI LIBEL!!!

    • Perfect.

    • Nixon_So_Fine

      9-11 on those fake choppers.

      pretty! overall, a good look…WIN!

    • NPRadiotherapy®

      911 is an inside job, well the dispatching part at least.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Remember when John McCain's brother called 911 because of traffic in D.C.?

        GOP royalty have a lot of Get-Out-of-Jail cards.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    At least it was another woman. This is a Family Values household after all.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      "I just caught him with another woman…" I think *another* is the operative word here. Maybe Bob just figured out Suzi has been tucking all this time.

    • Technically she's actually the GOPer so shes still bangin a dude and we havent rocked the boat too much.

    • Not_So_Much

      Another "woman"? I think doubts about Suzi and her linebacker neck could be raised…

      • WhatTheHeck

        The republicans say marriage should be between one man and one woman.
        Never mind. Just scratch that.

    • Of course she said it was a woman!!! She wasn't going to tell the dispatcher about the duck!!!

  • And then she proceeded with the Lorena Bobbit Solution!

    And now they call him "Bobbed" Schmidt.
    ~

    • Barb

      "Oh, it's okay, I was just trying to cut the tags off his pajamas in the dark and while he was wearing them" or "it was a game of got yer nose, gone horribly awry."

  • Barb

    A man married this woman? What's his impediment? I'm guessing knees that bend the other way and a double hare lip.

    • teebob2000

      That'thl not at all thlunny.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe he's got a thing for shaved eyebrows.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Some men are just drawn to power. What could be more seductive than Lake County Board chairman?

    • PalinzADummy

      Scary-looking bint, ain't she?

    • PalinzADummy

      "What's wrong with your knees?"
      "Oh, I had kneesles as a child."
      "What's wrong with your toes?"
      "Oh, I had toelio as a child."

      "No, don't tell me. You had smallcocks as a child."

    • Not entirely sure you can call her a "woman." If nothing else, at least now we know what Larry Flynt would look like in drag.

    • Beowoof

      It must be her larger than life persona.

    • Nixon_So_Fine

      Barb, you never looked prettier. So cute.

    • Barrelhse

      Wood eye.

    • Tommmcattt

      He has a neck-flap fetish and an addiction to creeping hairlines…

  • El Pinche

    "Oh if he shows up to the ER, please ignore the choke marks and/or missing penis."

    • Lascauxcaveman

      "And those aren't bullet wounds, they're … uh, severe acne."

  • SorosBot

    Don't worry, just beatin' my husband, pay no attention to the chainsaw in the background…

    • Not_So_Much

      She does look a great deal like the wood-chipper sociopath from 'Fargo'. Not as dainty as he was, but still…

  • AlterNewt

    Go ahead. Try that one yourself.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Kind of harder to do without a 'title.'

      "he was following the bus route of one high school, middle school and elementary school and the bus driver didn’t know who this white male driving the car was [so he] called dispatch. They reported it. A police officer came and stopped him and the bus. He [Griffin] wanted to know what was wrong. The police officers talked to the bus driver. The bus driver says, “I don’t like the fact that somebody in the same car is following me on all three routes. I don’t know who he is and we’re very concerned about this. This is one of the major signals of a pedophile or someone who is going to snatch a kid.” So, the police officer talked to him and explained basically the same thing and that [he] should have notified somebody at some point that [he] were going to do this. He [Griffin] said, “Don’t you recognize me? I just ran for the School Board.” The police officer didn’t recognize him and said, “Be that as it may, it’s not a good idea for you to be following school buses because when we hear about it, that’s the first thing we suspect” — that someone is going to snatch a kid or is a pedophile."

  • Someone caught not-mommy kissing santa claus.

    stay creepy, Lake County!

    • Tundra Grifter

      I've often wondered about that song. Was Mommy making out with the little girl's dad – or really kissing Santa Claus?

  • bureaucrap

    "And while we're on the subject, I'm going to send you a list of people who donated to my campaign. If a caller's not on that list, you can ignore them, too!"

  • freakishlywrong

    Well, I guess we know who wears the Sarah Palin in THAT family!

    • Tundra Grifter

      Glen Rice?

  • SorosBot

    That can't be a real photo, can it? It looks like that woman's wearing a mask made out of flayed human skin over her real face.

    • It puts the lotion…

    • Not_So_Much

      Could be Urlacher's twin brother in a cheap wig.

      • chicken_thief

        Urlacher's slower, both physically and mentally, brother….

    • OzoneTom

      I had wondered what happened to Kent Dorfman after Encounter Groups of Cleveland, Inc.

    • teebob2000

      Jeebuz, that DOES look like an Ed Gein souvenir doll.

    • PubOption

      Has Leatherface from the 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' moved to Illinois?

    • MissTaken

      I swear that's a human knee on her forehead.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Suzi looks like she could have ripped Bob's arm off & beat the mistress with it.

    • Tundra Grifter

      She could certainly move her own piano.

  • Attention Lake County Blue Light Special Wonkmart shoppers. We have retro rotary dial phones that weigh 6 pounds each and are much more effective when throwing at your spouse than some couple of ounce namby pamby portables.

    • comrad_darkness

      I was thinking that. Boy, that's gotta hurt — the crazed thrower, I mean. DAmnit, that phone won't leave a mark!

  • prommie

    Using the first name like that, "alison," was a deliberate threat. That husband needs to find himself a shelter for abused spouses, he shouldn't have to live in fear. She said he fears her "connections," but something tells me its not the connections, its the teeth.

    • PalinzADummy

      Yup. Classic domestic abuser. If the guy has any sense at all, he will get away from this vicious crazy abuser AFAP.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        fap?

        • PalinzADummy

          Dood, no. That is SO wrong.

    • Chichikovovich

      She wanted to make sure that Allison was well aware that Suzi's aim is true.

  • justkillmenow

    Oh, Illinois…you make me so proud.

    Can we rush this woman to the ER for a forehead reduction? Because that's a sixhead if I've ever seen one.

    • teebob2000

      Noticing your avatar first, I read your username to be 'justkillmemeow'.

      • PalinzADummy

        I was gonna write that!

        Actually, I read it as "justkillmeow."

  • GregComlish

    Yikes! I called 911 the second I saw her photograph.

  • Goonemeritus

    . This will double 911 traffic if every victim and every perpetrator call about the same crime. If we are to be consistent about our desire for smaller government maybe we can take the simple step of deciding who will make the call after each incident.

    • Better, yet. abolish 911 completely. Who need the socialist police force when we have second amendment solutions?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Maybe restrict it to calls about incorrectly fulfilled fast-food drive-thru orders?

  • Sue4466

    So, the problem here is that she abused her office, not that she abused her spouse?

    • Guppy06

      It's not really her fault, she can't help that she can't control her emotions. It's all this talk of "feminism" and "sexual liberation" that's eroding our society that's the problem. This would never have happened if she hadn't left the kitchen to work outside the home.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Ed Rollins attempted to explain the vaccine affair away in part by saying Bachmann was an “emotional person who basically has great feeling for people.” On CNN Wednesday evening, Ron Carey, Bachmann’s former chief of staff, called her “impulsive.”

        Also too here, perhaps since Suzi wasn't wearing an American Flag pin, she wasn't woman enough for her man.

  • Cunning. A pre-emptive strike. Calling them over there on the phone so we don't have to uh, answer the door over here, or something.

    Schmidt/Schmidt 2012: It is better to be feared than to be loved!

  • Dispatcher: What’s that screaming I hear in the background?
    Suzi: What screaming?
    Dispatcher: I hear a man screaming in pain.
    Suzi: Ooooh that screaming. That’s my husband. His penis got accidentally caught in a car door, a microwave oven and a meat grinder. He’s very clumsy. You should him with a hammer, all thumbs. Husbands! What are you going to do with them? Am I right?

    • Swampgas_Man

      Husbands, how do ya cook them?

  • SexySmurf

    I don't know if she's a Teabagger, but she's definitely a Twobagger.

    • Barb

      Mark the time, please. At 8:43 A.M. we already have the best comment of the day!

    • Limeylizzie

      SexySmurf you are on an incredible posting roll these days.

  • comrad_darkness

    Steven King couldn't write this shit.

  • Tundra Grifter

    He just won't listen…

  • Barb

    Did you notice that her head is pointy? Probably caught hubby with his mistress while trying to climb in the doggie door one too many times.

    • Your comment calls up disturbing images of involuntary wake-up pegging ("climbing in the doggie door"). Please consider our psychiatric and digestive status before commenting!

      • Barb

        My bad, sorry.

      • chicken_thief

        Funny, my first thought at "climbing in the doggy door" was a little backdoor action, too.

        Regards,
        Marcus

        • PalinzADummy

          Uh … I can see why, Marcus.

    • SorosBot

      That head is just another way that woman just does not look human. Maybe there's actually a reptloid alien under that human-skin mask.

      • Chichikovovich

        I'm pretty sure the Lizard people have the makeup skills to craft a better illusion of humanness than that. Look what they did with Cheney.

    • Limeylizzie

      Is "Climbing in the doggie-door a euphemism for that "back-door" action"?

      • prommie

        It is now.

    • "In Through The Doggy Door" had too many goddamned synths on it, because Jimmy Page was strung out at the time.

      • Brock Sampson: What's the matter, don't like Zep, little man?

  • If you can't abuse your power to cover up your crimes then what good is being a State Senator?

  • I just caught him with a younger, thinner, less psychopathic woman…

  • chicken_thief

    December 25th? Apparently thoughtful, caring Bob got party pooper Suzi a threesome for Christmas and she goes all postal on him. Ungrateful bitch….

  • So a woman should get a free pass on beating the hell out of her husband if she just found out he's cheating, especially if she's got connections? Of course! What part of this am I not understanding?!

    • An_Outhouse

      "Of course, I just caught him with another woman" Of course! Could there be any other possible explanation for beating him up and throwing him out of the house on Christmas Day? Everybody cheats on Christmas Day. Its practically a tradition.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        That and takeout Chinese, right?

        • PalinzADummy

          Only if yer Jewish.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            You mean we all aren't here?
            *hides yarmulke*

          • PalinzADummy

            A friend of mine had a secretary who never did learn Yiddish, but tried very hard. The high point of her career was when she rushed into the office one day, shouting, "Oh, look! Jack's back from Israel and he's wearing a Yamaha on his head."

            That and she always referred to the mikvah as a mitzvah.

      • jus_wonderin

        This wouldn't have been such a big deal if the other woman was named Carol.

        • PalinzADummy

          Oh! Oh! Here's your medal, you just won the InnerToobz.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Wait, THIS is Tiger Woods' ex? Wow, she looks very different in the magazine articles.

  • Tom Arnold's looking like hell these days.

  • She bears a slight resemblance to Miss Trunchbull from Matilda.

    • PalinzADummy

      Actually, she bears a much stronger resemblance to one of the bulls in Pedro Almodovar's movies.

  • BerkeleyBear

    Just another day in Illinois. Wake me up when we find out she got the 911 dispatcher's supervisor's kid a free ride to UIUC on one of her exemptions (that's right, all Illinois state officials get to foist tuition waivers on the state system) and/or steered a major renovation contract to a business owned by said supervisor's spouse (as a fake minority/female partner thus qualifying for significant contracting advantages). Until then, nothing worth mentioning.

    And if you think anywhere else is less fucked up, you just aren't digging hard enough.

    • Terry

      …and this is supposed to be the heartland

  • SexySmurf

    Brian Dennehy has already agreed to play her in the Lifetime movie.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Gonna have to ugly him up a bit, but that's what the makeup dept is for.

  • Steverino247

    I guess domestic violence is OK in Lake County if it goes both ways…

  • Moonbatting Average

    The victim is a white male. How much more GOP can you get?

  • chicken_thief

    Is that his cock ring Suzi has around her neck? Or her own?

  • DaSandman

    Serves the guy right for marrying a woman (?) that resembles a pit bull. Thats a mean ass dog.

    • PalinzADummy

      I'm racking my brains trying to come up with a reason to ever marry someone who looks meaner than a junkyard dog. Why would anyone do that? Sure, maybe she was younger and thinner a decade ago, but that face is mean.

  • hagajim

    Are those damn Republicans ever going to stop using 911 to be the biggest shit-turds on the block?

  • Schmannnity

    "Suzi Schmidt . . called a 911 dispatcher at 9:55 a.m. Dec. 25 because she believed her husband soon would be doing the same."

    Christmas morning? I guess she didn't like the STD gift. Repub fam values.

    • Chichikovovich

      I saw Daddy kissing Ms. Claus, underneath the mistletoe last night,….

  • Barrelhse

    ANOTHER woman? Suzi's giving herself a lot of credit.

  • Dumbedup

    "caught him with another woman"? my dog has a better face than Bettina Ballbuster, and although the photo does not reveal, I suspect she's built like an offensive lineman.

    • grex1949

      Offensive, at least.

  • She looks like J. Edgar Hoover on vacation with his "friend" Clyde.

    • WhatTheHeck

      I'll have you know, Clyde was faithful and would never lock J. Edgar out of the house. Besides, Clyde was more handsome than Suzi.

  • Come here a minute

    She's gonna hafta get herself elected Half Governor if she wants to use Snowbilly Grifter tactics.

  • mavenmaven

    Palin/Schmidt 2012!

  • Is that a زبيب, zabiba or raisin, prayer bump on her forehead? Is she a closet jihadist?

    • PalinzADummy

      I've always heard it called a "gatta," but I'm an iggeramus. Thanks for the addition to my vocabulary.

    • Barrelhse

      Or is she just happy to see you?

  • Guppy06

    More awkward than the Ensign Family Christmas!

    Republicans across the country in all stations of life know how to celebrate the true meaning of Christianity's "biggest holiday."

  • MozakiBlocks

    Uncle Fetus in drag.

  • Schmannnity

    Suzi is a trophy wife. Unfortunately, that trophy shape is the Stanley Cup.

    • Nixon_So_Fine

      I was gonna say "boobie prize," but heck…I got no idea there.

      She's pretty..

  • not that Dewey

    Powermad small-time politician is powermad.

  • widestanceshakedown

    FTW–that face and it's 'Suzi' with an 'i'–amazing that she kept her stripper name after all these years.

    • It was the most fun period of her life. Ah, memories.

    • Negropolis

      Only thing bitch would be strippin' for is donuts, I'll tell you what.

  • MrFizzy

    Why would someone want to get back into a house with her in it?

    • PalinzADummy

      Christmas in Illinois? Only to get their coat, car keys, and wallet, so they can srsly get the hell away from this vile harpy.

  • Indiepalin

    I smell double standard. If this crazy bitch was a member of the democrat party, Wonkette wouldn't go anywhere near this story. But because she's a God-fearing, republican opposed to abortion, the story is played up as if it was significant. Why aren't there more stories on Obama's birth certificate?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You're a parody troll, right? Like Skoal Rebel?

    • grex1949

      Where's HER birth certificate???? I noticed she didn't say she was born here when she called 911. That's a mite suspicious, wouldn't you say?

      • superdave

        Indeed. I'm guessing the birth certificate says she was born a he.

        • Tundra Grifter

          Or that she has a three day birthday.

    • comrad_darkness

      Why aren't there more stories on Obama's contact with aliens? I mean really. Why not? If you are going to make shit up, it might as well have a real narrative.

    • GregComlish

      Actually the real double standard is by the legions of "God-fearing, republicans opposed to abortion" that are actually sociopaths using the boundless gullibility of the GOP to thinly mask their moral depravity. And the ranks of these creeps are so great that they predictably generate scandals in such an regular interval that Wonkette is never, ever short of solid gold comic material, like the pirate face featured above.

      • Indiepalin

        Shiver me timbers, you're correct!

    • Chichikovovich

      Not a bad parody, but needs some work:
      a) no misspellings, and impeccable grammar.
      b) George Bush always said "Democrat party" and as we are now assured by real conservatives, Bush was not a real conservative. So you should say "Demon-rat party"
      c) no reference to websites like Wonkette are allowed without adjectives like "ultra-liberal", "libtard", or (if you have a traditionalist bent) "America-hating"
      d) Republican women are never "crazy bitches" – they are only presented as such by the "lamestream media". So the second sentence should read more like this: "Of coarse the lamestream media makes up stories about real American women of feith, but only a crazy bitch Demon-rat would do this. But then the libtards at ultra-liberal Wonkette wouldnt go anywere neer this storie."

      But I mean this to be constructive criticism – excellent first effort!

      • PubOption

        How many women has Douglas Feith had?

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Only "the fucking stupidest gals on the face of the earth."

          • fuflans

            you're going to gitmo when pres perry makes him sec of defense.

      • S/he's been here and around the block a few times. Respect that -113!

        • Chichikovovich

          True – I ought to have begun by saying that I respect and thank him/her for his/her service. Booing crowd be damned. And I unequivocally condemn all those people wearing the -113 band-aids.

          • Chichikovovich

            Following up – I checked out the impressive list of stick-in-the-eye posts at Breitbart.tv, and yes indeed, that negative p rating was earned by some major action in the lions den. He deserves to join the ranks of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.

        • Oh, fuckadoodledoo. I thumbed up because I thought hesheit was being misunderstood. My tard-dar is borked.

      • MrFizzy

        Well done

    • lulzmonger

      Related:

      Reagan's death-certificate is a fake … he's being secretly preserved in a jar deep underneath Cheyenne Mountain. When the stars are aligned, he will rise from his slumber to rule mankind again.

      REAGAN FHTAGN!

  • LowProfileinGA
    • PalinzADummy

      This woman is a violent abuser. That man needs to get away from her and FAST.

      • Beowoof

        Wonder how many beatings he has taken from her without calling 911? She has the history that would have me running, known too many psycho bitches.

        • PalinzADummy

          I'm sure it's more than a few. He's a big tall guy and she's a small woman, and he's from a generation when men did not raise their hand to a woman and it would have been laughable for him to ever complain. Poor man's been married to her for 32 years.

  • BlueStateLibel

    We need to make a teevee sitcom out of this lady, kind of like that Hyacinth Bucket show. She could go around bragging about how she deserves special service and compenstation because she's the ****Lake County Board chairman****.

    • This is the Bouquet residence, psychopath of the house speaking.

  • Terry

    "“If he calls, Bob Schmidt, you can ignore him. Of course, I just caught him with another woman, so that’s why I’m a little upset,” she said."

    She caught her husband with another woman at around 9:30am on Christmas morning? I thought most people would either be still sleeping or trying to clean up wrapping paper and make breakfast.

    • James Michael Curley

      This Christmas I'm asking Santa for another woman. Wrapping not necessary.

      • Beowoof

        Actually that is a gift where less wrapping would actually be a plus.

    • superdave

      Hmmm, maybe she caught the hubby gettin' busy WITH SANTA CLAUS!!!

      I'm just say, they are Republicans after all. Amirite or amirite?

  • SayItWithWookies

    This explains all the domestic tranquility in the Bachmann household.

  • proudgrampa

    Dat woman UGLY.

    • Barrelhse

      "If my dog had a face like that I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards."

  • BornInATrailer

    Why is her dewlap scalloped in that photo?

  • grex1949

    Kinda makes me glad my wife gave up her County Board seat…

  • We have the entire season arc of next season's "Mike & Molly", with these two!

    On the 911 recording of the Aug. 16 call at 6:07 p.m., Robert Schmidt told a dispatcher his wife rammed her 2000 Cadillac into his car at least three times soon after he departed their home….

    Robert Schmidt told a deputy his wife went after him because he had preferred to shop for a new vehicle alone. “I examined Suzanne's vehicle and found front-end damage consistent with damage to Robert's vehicle and story,” wrote Deputy Eric Francke. “I asked Suzanne what happened to the front of her vehicle. Suzanne said she was at Lindenfest over the past weekend and hit a curb and was involved in a minor accident with a teenage girl.

    “I asked if the incident was reported and she said ‘no' because she did not want to jam up the teenage girl…” Suzi Schmidt also said her husband's “unhappy girlfriend” possibly rammed his car.

    At 6:25 p.m. Monday, [9-26-11] Robert Schmidt called a dispatcher to report his wife bit him and caused bleeding, according to the 911 recording. A report states a deputy observed blood on Robert Schmidt's shirt front and pants, purportedly after being bitten and hit with a wireless telephone.

    Suzi Schmidt is heard in the background on the 911 tape denying her husband's accusations and claiming he had pinned her to the floor in their house. In the report, she stated her husband pulled out an earring and hit her face, which caused her to bite him on an arm so he would get off her.

    “Suzanne stated due to the fact she is a state senator, she believes Robert is attempting to derail her career and has threatened to call the police on her several times,” the report from Sgt. Timothy Jonites states.

    • Mojopo

      I was wondering why no one mentioned the biting yet. I heard the clip yesterday on the nightly news.

      • PalinzADummy

        She bit him hard enough to get blood on his clothing. That means breaking the skin in sufficient places to cause leakage. Mean, violent, nasty person.

    • Negropolis

      This is just gross.

  • grex1949

    By the looks of this chick, she's got plenty of weight to throw around without an elected office.

  • philpjfry

    What a friggin looney tune. She even looks a little like Porky Pig

  • Why do all republican women have those crazy stepford wife, teleprompter eyes?

  • __kth__

    Really it isn't about Republicans per se. It's more that pols at the state level make US reps, even maniacal mental defectives like Louie Gohmert, look like Daniel Webster.

    Some teatards want to repeal the 17th amendment, and let the senators be chosen by the deranged trailer trash, such as this woman, that one typically finds in state legislatures.

  • mereoblivion

    We'd be disoriented too, if we'd been up all night delivering toys to all the good children of the world. I mean, Schmidt on a shingle!

  • Terry

    Oh, the article is awesome. She also apparently rammed his car with hers repeated in one reported incident. Another time, she bit him and drew blood.

    • proudgrampa

      Jesus. Did they say WHERE she bit him???

      • PalinzADummy

        It's OK, grampa, it was only his arm. But, yeah, I'd worry about letting those teeth anywhere near my junk.

    • prommie

      Told ya it was the teeth.

  • Mahousu

    Clearly we should pair her up with Joe Walsh. That way, their complaints about their spouses would all be valid.

  • Limeylizzie
  • jus_wonderin

    Thing is, we never got to find out what they gave each other for Christmas presents.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Black eyes?

  • I suppose they stay together for the kids.
    I'm sure they'll turn out just fine.

  • comrad_darkness

    For me, the capper is the Little Despot move of saying, "he fears my connections".

    • chicken_thief

      Poorly paraphrasing Cartman's "respect mah uhthoriTAY"?

  • forgracie

    Is that a picture of the husband or the wife?

  • James Michael Curley

    Its really starting to be a cause and effect conundrum. Does being a Republican make you act this way or if you act this way you choose to be a Republican?

  • teebob2000

    Walsh / Schmidt 2012. "Don't pay 'em, slay 'em!"

  • AJWjr.

    12/25, nevar forgit!

    • OneYieldRegular

      Talk about the war on Christmas!

  • HistoriCat

    Illinois? That's where Chicago is. So this is that "Chicago politics" I keep hearing about.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    What, one wonders, did she expect the 911 operator to say to the husband when he made his inevitable call?

    • Mojopo

      I have no idea. What did this woman think would happen to the recording of her call? Being Grand Poobah of a glorified bake-sale in IL will only get a person so far.

  • tihond

    In a perfect, Newt Gingrich would spend his twilight years with this woman.

  • PalinzADummy

    Sweet Jesus on a stick! KrayZ LayD sez WHUT? I think I can see why Mr. KrayZ LayD would seek the consolation of somewhat-less-likely-to-punch-yer-lights-out's arms.

    Do ANY Republicans have, like, you know, loving marriages? ANYONE?

  • Eve8Apples

    Suzi Schmidt is not one of those stand by your man no matter what he screws GOP family values wives. If Mr. Suzi is looking for his NUTZ, I'm sure he'll find them dangling from the rear of Suzi's SUV.

    • (Reaching for the low-hanging fruit:) Which Mr. Suzi?

  • Tundra Grifter

    Upon further review, the most astonishing thing about this sorry episode is her statement: "I was the Lake County Board chairman for 10 years."

    Ten years? That's taking a very long time to move up through the ranks.

  • Nixon_So_Fine

    he's pretty.

    (sorry videogum!!!)

    jeezus…so sorry, videogum. that dude ain't pretty.

    • PalinzADummy

      Actually, he's a nice-looking man. She, OTOH, looks like she's been eating pickled fetii for breakfast all her life.

  • ndisang67

    was she arrested for abusing the 911 system?

  • DashboardBuddha

    What's her stand on wriggling around in excrement?

  • Chichikovovich

    I was wondering who would play Chairwoman Schmidt in the movie of her life. I was thinking Kathy Bates, but, no – I don't think the makeup people could uglify her enough. So I guess it will have to be John Lithgow. Especially if they can reassemble the makeup team from Buckaroo Banzai.

    • Barrelhse

      William Shatner looks a little puffy these days….or any of the Huckabee clan.

  • ndisang67

    Do we know if Bob has ever been home since then?
    Poor Bob…..

    • Bob needs to grow a pair and get on with his life. DTMFA.

  • Barb

    Judging from her photo, it isn't 911 that should be ignoring the calls it should be Domino's.

  • There's something about Republican women and their WTF, outrageous recorded phone calls/messages…the shamelessness, like Ginny Thomas's drunk-dial of Anita Hill…perhaps we should call it "chootzpah."

  • When you ask her to sit on your face she sits ON your face.

    • PalinzADummy

      Um … not to be difficult, or anything, but do you actually know anyone who would ask that to sit on their face?

      • There's someone for everybody…

        • PalinzADummy

          (sidles off, whistling, and fantasizing about Karl Rove and Suzi Schmidt.)

      • not that Dewey

        These guys.

        OT, there's a petition going around about the Southwest Airlines anti-lesbian thing. I normally don't believe much in the power of online petitions, but Southwest is presently the only airline that I even consider flying, and I'd like to see them correct this. Any other airline would also boot lesbians from their flights, AND charge them a $70 fee for the privilege.

        • PalinzADummy

          OK, will sign, will tweet.

  • NPRadiotherapy®

    Being a middle manager, bureaucrat type, she was upset when the dispatcher didn't answer: "Lake County 911, It's a great day here in the heart of Illinois."

    • OneYieldRegular

      Embarrassed note to self: read all comments before posting the same thing someone else has already posted…

      • NPRadiotherapy®

        Have a Nice Day Here at the Wonkettes!

  • Callyson

    Suzi Schmidt was told by the dispatcher that calls cannot be ignored.
    "However, I'm willing to make an exception for this call…" CLICK!

  • tihond

    Christine O'Donnell has just figured out a new way to get attention.

  • Weenus299

    "I apologize if any of my comments during this very emotional time seem inappropriate,” she said.

    "If I stepped in dogshit and smeared my boot all over your shirt with you in it, I apologize if that was inappropriate, but only if it was during this very emotional time. Just know that you took my emotional move out of context, and I am a member of the board."

  • ttommyunger

    She is the perfect Republican Female Trifecta: Butt-Ugly, dysfunctional home life and dirt-stupid. I mean, who knew those 911 calls were recorded and all her personal and private shit -storms would be made a part of the public record, to say nothing her her lame attempt to dissuade cops from rushing to the juiciest clusterfuck they'd seen all day? Everyone knows how much beat cops love to protect their local overlords when caught with their pants down, or shirt off. Hehehe!

    • PalinzADummy

      Oh, do tell! I bet you have the greatest stories.

      • ttommyunger

        I do, but I suspect you aren't old enough to hear them.

        • PalinzADummy

          Now I'm not sure whether to be flattered or insulted, ttommy.

          • ttommyunger

            Take your pick.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "Thank you for calling 911; it's a great day in Illinois!"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Man, one whole post this morning. I hate it when I'm not distracted at work. I've already thumbs-upped everybody. ¡Vamonos, Kirsten! Arriba!! ¡Conseguir su culo a la obra!

  • Kill it with fire!

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    I found this picture impossible to masturbate to.

    • I'd say "try harder" but I think even I've found my hard limit. It really doesn't help that she looks like a shriveling penis in a wig.

    • Barrelhse

      Think: "I'll change her poopy diapers" and see what happens.

  • rickmaci

    Bob Schmuck needs a body guard more than he needs a girlfriend.

  • Beowoof

    I can only conclude that her husbands desperation for a sex partner over rode his vision in the decision to marry her.

  • glamourdammerung

    And of course, the GOP is circling the wagons on this. Though it is nice that they are applying the same "standards" they do when their male politicians abuse their spouses, even if it is only because they care more about power than their own sexism (and any morals).

  • So that's what Sarah Palin meant about a pit bull with lipstick.

    • Barrelhse

      I always thought that meant a pit bull with his "lipstick" out.

  • MiniMencken

    She was just trying to make government more responsive, for c'rissakes!

  • Bumptious

    Faking his death and years later joining the Illinois GOP (in drag, no less) is surely the funniest thing Chris Farley's ever done.

  • fuflans

    merry christmas!

    sorry that's all i got. you all covered everything with typical elan.

  • mourningnmerica

    He's cheating because you look like the dumb character from Sponge-bob.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Why couldn't this creature have been married to congresscritter Joe Walsh?

  • owhatever

    Why would the husband of such a mild-tempered, slender, beautiful woman desire any other woman? It makes no sense.

  • lochnessmonster

    Is my state rep…I gues you need to be a fighter to be in politics…

  • BZ1

    who was it that said "power corrupts', no matter, it obviously is in play …

  • Limeylizzie
    • Negropolis

      During a call last Christmas, the lawmaker implored a dispatcher not to respond to her husband, Robert, if he called, reminded a dispatcher she once had been Lake County board chairman and said her husband feared her because “he knows I have connections.”

      On a call Monday by her husband, Schmidt can be heard in the background admitting she had bitten him during a fight. She initially denied it, but can then be heard saying: “You bet I did.”

      Oh, this woman is trouble with a capital T. She's definitely the kind of woman where this will eventually escalate into her shooting him in bed, literally stabbing him in the back (or front) with a kitchen knife, or having a hit put out on him.

  • comrad_darkness

    [minority leader] Radogno said. “As public officials, we are held to a higher standard. We cannot and will not tolerate abuse of the public trust."

    Being an out of control douchebag, however, is completely acceptable.

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