SHARE

Teevee’s absolute worst offense against humankind “Dancing With the Stars” is now also teevee’s worst offense against that other section of beings “the teabaggers,”  because one of the illiterate trolls in Andrew Breitbart’s stable of typing tumors at BigHollywood.com just, uh, happened to notice some costume designer dude on the show picking up a gorilla mask once worn by ol’ whatshername the grifter-quitter grandma’s annoying famewhore daughter and saying, “It still smells like a Tea Party!” NOT COOL, BOLSHIE! This Breitbart slaveblogger, one “Warner Todd Huston,” will THROW DOWN in the teabagger defense with an Important Discussion about socialism and body odor, after the jump!

Here is WTH’s most important question for readers:

So, what are we to make of this nonsense?

Is Kressley saying that Tea Party activists smell like gorillas?

Yes, what are we to make of this nonsense? Perhaps take a lighthearted ribbing in stride? NO, WE MUST MAKE SERIOUS-MINDED SENSE OF EVERYTHING ON TEEVEE. That is the point of television, ever since it was invented by Teddy Roosevelt, one of our Founding Fathers. We learned this on teevee!

Are we supposed to be laughing at that, now?

So, what do Democrats smell like? Maybe Europeans? How about reds?

Yes, that depends, though, what, do Europeans smell like? Do, they smell bad? We, aren’t really sure, we heard they smell, like gay French brie. Reds, on the other hand, smell, like Stalin’s corpse, on a humid day. Which, is worse? That, is the question.

I wonder what dance partner Anna Trebunskaya, who was born in Russia, thinks about that? I wonder how ABC will take attacking so much of its audience?

Whatever Anna or ABC thinks of it the bigger questions is, what do you Tea Partiers think?

Dammit, there is so little English grammar in that last sentence that we cannot make out the entire point of his post. Which is sad, for comedy, BECAUSE WE ARE SURE THERE WAS ONE. [YouTube/ BigHollywood]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • DrunkIrishman

    They smell like gorillas and they look like one too.

    • PalinzADummy

      All of them look like one gorilla? Is it King Kong?

      • DrunkIrishman

        Would it be racist if I said all gorillas looked alike?

        • PalinzADummy

          Um … different species, darlz. It would be speciesist.

          • DrunkIrishman

            NO!

          • PalinzADummy

            Toadly!

          • DrunkIrishman

            I seen a white gorilla before! I's swears!

    • HogeyeGrex

      A gorilla mask would be a major improvement for Walrus Todd Huston.

  • chascates

    Smells like the Wasilla Fish Market.

    • FraAnima

      Mornin' Ladies!

    • hollywooddood

      Stop making fun of Sarah.

      • chicken_thief

        Sarah smells like Rice.

        • WIDTAP

          Stop making fun of Condoleezza.

          • iburl

            Stop making fun of Italian Deserts.

    • GOPCrusher

      Smells like the shit house door on a tuna boat.

      • bagofmice

        Sounds shocking…

    • Tundra Grifter

      I'll take the red snapper. Or, the tuna taco with a side order of thighs.

  • Callyson

    some costume designer dude
    Actually, isn't that Carson from the late, great "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"?
    Breitbart could use a makeover from the Fab 5…although, of course, that would require him to be a straight guy…

  • littlebigdaddy

    Simian libel!

    • tihond

      BABOON LIBEL!

      • mumbly_joe

        BONOBO HOOD LIBEL!

  • Lucidamente1

    Yeah, cuz everybody knows that gorilla jokes aren't funny unless you're talking about the blacks.

    • littlebigdaddy

      But then they're fucking HILARIOUS.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Michelle Obama Libel!

    • PalinzADummy

      Considering how many times these miserable toe-sucking schmucks have compared Mrs. Obama and her family to gorillas, I'm shocked that they find the comparison insuting when it's applied to them.

      • rahelio

        And by "shocked," you actually meant "not surprised" since irony is undetectable to teabaggers.

        • PalinzADummy

          You're *good* at this "translation" stuff, aren't you?

        • bagofmice

          Depends on the solar mass. #supernova . With the iron-y.

      • genxr

        Clicked on the link. Yep, you don't have to go far down in the comments to see a Michelle Obama gorilla remark.

    • themcwow

      Walnuts!

  • Flat_Earther

    That musky smell is not the gorilla mask…

  • Indiepalin

    If he really wanted to take the Tea Party to task, Kressley should have hit the stage wearing a Cap'n Crunch outfit.

  • DashboardBuddha

    "like Stalin’s corpse, on a humid day"

    While not actually funny in this application, I can see myself using this little bon mot from time to time.

    • prommie

      But its Lenin's corpse thats on display.

      • Tommmcattt

        There's a place in prison for guys like you, communo-factist .

      • paris biltong

        If we're going to pick on commas, we may as well do the same for apostrophes. I for one am fairly tolerant, but only fairly.

        • bagofmice

          Apostrophes are just commas that got 'high', man.

      • DashboardBuddha

        Lennin…Stalin, who cares? Only a commie lover, that's who!

      • Tundra Grifter

        prommie:

        That's why Stalin's corpse smells so bad.

  • NickDanger007

    Tea baggers think? Hardly.

    • PalinzADummy

      Very hardly, as one can tell by the knitted brows, the furrowing faces, and the buried gleam of their tiny, piggy eyes.

  • Not_So_Much

    Smells like Trojans, Meth, stoopid and exploded Spanx.

    • Moonbatting Average

      I'm changing my fantasy football team name from it's current "Checkdown Jesus" to "Exploded Spanx", if that's all right with you…

      • Not_So_Much

        Approved — 'Galumphing Thunder Thighs' is too cumbersome. Carry on.

    • YouBetcha

      Minus the Trojans. Plus: wine coolers.

      • SexySmurf

        I think Trojans refers to the entire USC football team. And most of the basketball team.

        • GOPCrusher

          Sarah's been in L.A.?

  • SorosBot

    I thought the Reds, being Russian, smelled like vodka.

    • PalinzADummy

      I think he was referring to those little red pills, dear.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Living on reds, vitamin C and cocaine?

        • PalinzADummy

          Back when I was a yoof, that's what we called 'em.

          "And all her friends can say is 'ain't it a shame?'"

        • PuckStopsHere

          If you got a warrant I guess you gotta come in…

    • prommie

      Vodka and vomit, yes.

    • genxr

      That's insulting. Everyone knows wonketteers smell like whiskey.

      • RavenRant

        Whiskey and hobo beans.

  • Barb

    I'm still laughing that in the opening number of the Emmy Awards they sang, "Where Bristol in a gorilla suit can be called dancing with a STAR!" Somehow, I don't think the Palin family quite caught that one.

    • Nostrildamus

      In Wasilla roulette, Saturday is Bristol's night in the gorilla suit.

  • Nostrildamus

    The guy in the video is a modern day hero.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Today we are all snarky gay costume designers!

  • FraAnima

    Humor is unknown to Teabaggers.

  • Goonemeritus

    I would have guessed a forward scent of Cheetos with strong notes of unwashed feet

    • Pragmatist2

      With just a hint of plywood.

    • prommie

      Dog's feet smell like cheetos. True fact, small your dogs feet, or just grab the next dog you see. Wait, not cheetos, Fritos, dog's feet smell like Fritos.

      • PuckStopsHere

        I gots to ask. You know this how, exactly?

  • prommie

    When it comes to bad grammar, that was nothing compared to the teabagger queen, last night: "Someone like me who's a maverick? I do go rogue and I call it like I see it and I don't mind stirring it up in order to get people to think and debate aggressively to find solutions to the problems that our country is facing," Palin continued.

    "Somebody like me, is a title and a campaign too shackling? Does that prohibit me from being out there and out of a box, not allowing handlers to shape me and to force my message to be what's going on, or what contributors or political pundits want it to be?" Palin said.

    • Barb

      Yeah, that was when she was calling "Herb" Cain the "flavor of the month" Would that flavor be um, chocolate? At least she didn't call him "O'Biden" like she did the VEEP candidate before the debate.

    • SenileAgitation

      Ugh. That's some ugly speech saying talk. I still don't get how you're allowed to have a PAC taking in sucker coin without any point or purpose other than to bankroll your bullshit. Griftopia indeed.

      • prommie

        Somebody like me, grammar is shackling, outside of the boxness being, roguery, stirring up mixes, our precious constitutional intentions.

        • DaRooster

          "…our precious [morning] constitutional intentions."

        • RavenRant

          She's a cross between Yoda, and the homeless schizophrenic sputtering gibberish on the sidewalk. The schizo dominating.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I personally liked her talk about how running for president would shackle her, as opposed to her inability to put together a coherent English sentence.

      • RavenRant

        I don't want her shackled. Gagged, absolutely.

    • chicken_thief

      Ya! Take THAT mother-fat-fucking Chris Christie!!!! THAT'S how you give a speech!

    • Someone help me, cause when I read this, my brain replaced "stirring" with stirrin' etc.

    • extreme_left

      Flying fuck, that is the most incoherrent string of words I have ever heard from a wanna be Politician.

      I like how she sinks the boot into Cain. I almost want Cain to win, just so he can shove it up the Grifters nose, almost.

      • RavenRant

        I would love to see Cain somehow win the nomination, by some magical fluke.

        I can just imagine the base Republican base (not a typo) with two black men as the major parties' nominees. I'm sure they'd take it in stride, right? Right??

        • comrad_darkness

          Romney's got the same problem with republican voter malaise in the general election. And he has a good chance of getting there.

          Unless Christie accidentally sits on him.

        • extreme_left

          That would be the Weimar moment, truck hats exploding, truck nuts shrinking, the collected rage of millions o’ pin heads would see the Union dissolved. Which would be hilarious, if I was in the State's with the money and the people that can read, the Blue ones.

    • comrad_darkness

      > think and debate aggressively to find solutions to the problems that our country is facing

      This totally goes hand in hand with demonizing and reloadin' on anyone who calls bullshit.

      • extreme_left

        She don't mind that kind of behaviour…to paraphrase 'Don't be so reckless'

        The Grifter seems to be the only one with nasty on her mind, no other Reputz alludes to it quite so much, Perry tried but he's not as grifty.

        Guess she's cornering the nasty vote. She's so mavericky mavericking fucking maverick she'd run after the election and send in the Telibahn.

    • back in box, back in box

      • extreme_left

        She's out of the box now and the longer she's out, the more special she is.

        You know who else thought they were special?

  • Beowoof

    I didn't know musty old women on hoverrounds smelled like tea. I always thought it would be moth balls and used depends.

    • PalinzADummy

      Light on the mothballs, heavy on the shit.

    • 102415

      It does smell like that, along with a hint of plastic and formaldehyde. I don't believe there is much tea drinking going on in those circles.

    • kissawookiee

      Is that with or without the saturated Medicaid rolls?

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Teabaggin' leaves it's own unique smell.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Dude was just talking about this tea party. That shit Dave Stewart is smoking just fucking reeks.

  • SorosBot

    "I wonder what dance partner Anna Trebunskaya, who was born in Russia, thinks about that?" is quite the non-sequiter; unless Russian professional dancers are known for being raging incoherent racists, which is something I hadn't heard.

    Also, Kristen, why does the text on this post keep changing size? First we get the italicized comments, now this; it must be fun with fonts day at Wonkette.

    • chascates

      Microsoft Introduces "Rightwingnuts" Font

      In a bold move, Microsoft today unveiled a font that will now be available on all of its new computers, as well as being made available free of charge for uploading to existing PCs.

      A Microsoft spokesman explained that, "In an effort help our more conservative Windows users save time when writing to activist judges, overpaid government workers, leftist media outlets, misguided liberal relatives, and secretly Muslim and/or Communist elected officials, the new Rightwingnuts font will provide an unmistakable way to get their point across, as well as offering extra assistance with spelling, grammar, and punctuation."

      "Now, in addition to the old tried-and-true Times New Roman, Tahoma, and Arial, and the wild-and-wacky Chiller, Stencil, and Magneto fonts, Rightwingnuts gives true patriots a way to quickly and forcefully make an impact on the, and I'm using their words now, latte-drinking, Prius-driving, baby-killing, gay-sexing, Face-Spacing, class-warfare-waging denizens of nanny-state America."

      "Rightwingnuts font is, basically, just really big and really dark. All the time. No more having to use the Caps Lock key, a separate command for bolding, or changing the font size. This is the font equivalent of shouting, 'Get off my lawn!' to that kid with the tattoos and pierced ears. We think it will be a real hit with those on Medicare who want to keep the government out of our health care system, those who think that people like Lloyd Blankfein already pay too much in taxes, and those who think George Soros sacrifices goats to Beelzebub."

      Other features of Rightwingnuts include:

      Three exclamation points for every one the user types.
      Typing the letters "D-e-m" automatically results in "Democrap." Likewise, typing the letters "l-i-b" automatically results in "libtard," thus saving thousands of keystrokes per week.
      The names of any Democratic elected officials will be underlined in red. When you run a spell check, the only offered alternative will be "Fascist."
      If you type in a temperature, it is automatically lowered to prove that global warming doesn't exist. (Warning: Using Rightwingnuts for recipes may result in undercooked food and subsequent death.)
      Whenever the letter "O" appears in "Obama," it will have awesome little devil horns and a tail on it.
      In Rightwingnuts, the words "Socialist," "Communist," and "Nazi" all mean exactly the same thing.
      Names like "Reagan," "Bush," "Limbaugh," and "Hannity" automatically turn Republican red and, when you hold your cursor over them, angels sing.
      Frownie face always appears after the words "tax," "spend," "regulation," "union," and "Michael Moore."
      If you ever deviate from the talking points, a cheery little paper clip will appear in the corner and ask if you really mean that. If you persist, the paper clip will actually hop out of the computer and stab you in the eye.

      When asked if Apple had plans in the works for a similar font for Mac users, a spokesman replied that Apple wasn't aware of any rightwingnuts using its products. "With our more intuitive user platform, creative music and video applications, resistance to viruses, and top-notch customer support, rightwingers typically regard our product as vaguely sinister, foreign or gay. And we're OK with that."

      • meufchelou

        Well done, in classic Comic Bold.

      • RavenRant

        Two suggestions: When talking about preemptive war and patriotism, (sorry, redundant!), could the letters drip blood like in an old time horror movie poster?

        Also, when talking about real 'murkins, could the letters be extra round, and some of them perched in little hoverounds?

  • LiveToServeYa

    From her roots, Anna Trebunskaya is obviously not a natural red. Not that there's anything wrong with that. And Nancy Grace's nips are definitely examples of two very cold cases.

    • Tundra Grifter

      I watched a few moments of her dancing – her partner looked like he was trying to park a semi into a space too small for a VW bug. He didn't have the lead. He was just hanging on for dear life.

  • DaRooster

    So it smelled like water, herbals and crumpets? Oh, and stuffed toys sitting around a tiny table…

    • PalinzADummy

      Ancient lace and crocheted doilies; old people sweat; poor scalp hygiene; and pet "accidents."

      • DaRooster

        oh, and no toofpaste anywhere.

        • PalinzADummy

          Don't need no toofpaste when you ain't got no teef.

    • chicken_thief

      You make it sound almost like a compliment. Too bad Warner Todd didn't see it that way instead of getting his thong in a wad.

  • poncho_pilot

    oh noes! someone slightly, and lamely, made fun of, sort of, Bristol and The Teabaggers! (a lame Barbie And Thee Rockers ripoff if i've ever seen one)

    HO-LEEE SHIT!!!!!!1

    time for a second amendment solution, teahadists! better shoot your pinko television set! or strap some explosives to yourself and run at it and blow it up!

    and for the record, Democrats sometimes smell like failure, Europeans smell like a sweaty night club, and reds smell like someone fucking your attractive sisters. and sometimes the less attractive ones. and sometimes your moms, also too.

    • PalinzADummy

      Stand back, everyone! Poncho_pilot has just unleashed the dog-carts of WAR!

      • poncho_pilot

        i prefer tumtum. the tumtums of war.

        • Chichikovovich

          Cry "as if!" and unleash the snarky, gay costume designers of war.

          • poncho_pilot

            kick out the jams, motherfucker.

    • extreme_left

      well you won't be laughing about it when the Telibahn takes over.

      • poncho_pilot

        i hope that's a remote possibility.

        • extreme_left

          So do I, though in-breeding will ultimately incapacitate them and they will grow thumbs for eyes in their scptic States of dystopic vision free from the EPA.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It's so cute when straight white guys try to work up a sense of indignation, especially as cryptically as this dude has to get. How long da man gonna keep ya down, white boy? Still waitin' for yo forty acres an' a mule, and now dey sayin' you stinkin' up dey gorilla costumes. It never gonna end.

    • PalinzADummy

      Where are my tiny, precious, lace-edged lawn handkerchiefs? I must dab this tear from my eye.

  • You'd think the Tea baggers would be funnier since they've had to deal with such a long history of oppression.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Really. I mean, look how it's worked out for those folks of the Hebrew persuasion.

    • chicken_thief

      Ok, so maybe they don't have the humor thing down yet, but they can sing them some killer blues. You can feel the pain, man… like you was there with them while the man (Nobama, of course, ruinin their cuntry) was holding them down.

    • Barrelhse

      Regular 'Roots of the Blues', ain't they?

      • DaRooster

        Plain ol' Chicken Georges Hawks…

    • RavenRant

      Maybe when Romney was talking about an oppressed people forced to wear disguises, he was referring to furries?

      Seems to be a lot of overlap between them and the teabaggers. The Venn diagram is actually just one circle.

  • Tommmcattt

    Given the 8:00 time slot for the show, and the fact that there's no pure grift going on like there was last season, I'm sure most of the teabaggers will be in bed anyway. 4:30am comes early, goldurn it!

    • 102415

      Ahem, Nancy Grace?

      • Tommmcattt

        Isn't her fan base more serial killers and the like?

        • 102415

          It's complicated. She's the Madame DeFarge of their revolution.

          • Tommmcattt

            Numbering the crimes of the opposition by bulling women into suicide instead of knitting, got it.

  • You know who else smells like old gorilla masks?

    • Barb

      Fay Wray?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Roddy McDowell and Kim Hunter?

    • Charlton Heston?

    • Tommmcattt

      Nixon?

    • littlebigdaddy

      Michael (no relation whatever to Sarah) Palin?

    • Nostrildamus

      Any random Wasillan on Sunday morning?

    • HarryButtle

      Dian Fossey?

    • Major Thom

      Paz de la Huerta?

      • AlterNewt

        Dino De Laurentiis?

        • Tommmcattt

          Oscar De La Renta?

          • chicken_thief

            Oscar the Grouch?

          • DaRooster

            Groucho Marx?

          • GOPCrusher

            Richard Marx?

          • Tundra Grifter

            Carl Marx?

          • WIDTAP

            Carl Reiner?

          • Chichikovovich

            Rob Reiner?

          • Tommmcattt

            Rainier Wolfcastle?

          • anniegetyerfun

            Rainier Beer?

          • mumbly_joe

            Cecil Rhodes, founder of De Beers?

          • Nothingisamiss

            Rhodes scholar Bill Clinton?

          • user-of-owls

            Funk scholar George Clinton?

          • HelmutNewton

            Funky Winkerbean?

          • AlterNewt

            Reince Pribus?

    • 102415

      Joel Grey's friend?

    • powersuit

      Mrs. Chris Christie?

      • Major Thom

        Nah.. she smells like a Jersey Mike's Italian sub.

        • DaRooster

          How else would she attract Chris?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Grape Ape?

    • Andy Serkis?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Caesar?

    • George? (of the jungle)

      • And George W prolly smells like the real deal.

        • bagofmice

          Dub(yeah!) is probably too heavy for George junior to handle.

    • DaRooster

      Clarence Beeks?

      • HarryButtle

        …who was left in a cage to get gorilla-raped in the ass by none other than Senator Al Franken!

    • chicken_thief

      Robin Givens, until Mike Tyson punched the smell off her?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      A person wearing an old gorilla mask?

    • GOPCrusher

      Sondra Locke?

    • genxr

      Every teabagging fuckwit who reads Buttbart's blog?

    • Tundra Grifter

      King Kong's stunt double?

    • kissawookiee

      Bill Frist?

    • Rotundo_

      The late Ernie Kovacs? (Ah, the Nairobi Trio, good times). Caught some replays of his shows, a genius.

    • not that Dewey
    • extreme_left

      face ripper monkey?

    • HelmutNewton

      Ted Nugent?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe after they don't have to pay taxes anymore, these fuckers can take some of that spare money and buy a fucking sense of humor. Though, admittedly, that "Still smells like a Tea Party" line was pretty fucking lame.

    • How about "Smells Like Teatard Spirit."

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      True. If he wanted to be acurrate, he should have said something like "Smells like the dank crotch of a mindless fame whore," but I think we get the jist.

      • AlterNewt

        …or "smells like Tabu, flopsweat, and jizz."

  • Anthr_DCLwyr3d

    Wait. "Reds"? Is that still a thing?

    • tihond

      Warren Beatty wishes it was.

      • not that Dewey

        Johnny Bench wishes it was.

        • user-of-owls

          The Crayola Indians wish it was.

          • not that Dewey

            Barbiturate addicts wish it was.

    • 102415

      No, actually it isn't.
      Oh, maybe it's like a red state thingy? Generations collide? I think the Breitshits are running on the oldside. Who else has that much time for typing on the 'puter?

    • user-of-owls

      Honest to fucking god, Limbaugh was mouth pooping a week ago or so about the "ChiComs." What the fuck, someone tell him Nixon recently visited and we don't call the fucking ChiComs anymore. I'm harboring wishes that an unholy alliance of zombie Red Guards and Walmart executives joined forces to de-bone that jiggling heap of hate jello alive.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "what do you Tea Partiers think?"

    "Huh?"

  • hagajim

    Smells like teen spirit….but only if it involves grifting a few hundred K out of someone to promote abstinence – with your baby. Also – "Dancing" is not the teevee's worst offense against humankind, think of Jersey Shore or anything with that human herpe Paris Hilton in it.

  • Eve8Apples

    Palin bitches will rue the day they tried to take on the gheyz. No one can throw down an insult like a pissed off ghey.

    • Yeah, you'd think they'd learn a lesson from Rick "santorum" Santorum.

  • CommieLibunatic

    GORILLA LIBEL

    • bagofmice

      Talk about aping a trend.

      • CommieLibunatic

        Well, they did say in a This American Life episode (around the 51 min point) that leftist pundits would rather fling their own poo than adhere to talking points.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's really a good thing he only found the gorilla suit, and not the body thong she wore underneath it. Ewwww.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      They used that as a dropcloth when they painted the set between seasons.

    • DaRooster

      I'm sure she went commando.

    • Chichikovovich

      That's kept in a separate locked cabinet, plastered with a prominent biohazard warning.

      • AlterNewt

        ..or in a vending machine in Tokyo.

  • fartknocker

    I never watched Dancing with the Stars except when Bristol Thunder Thighs did her meth dance routine, which was sad. What would be worse is if someone actually witnessed Nancy Grace have a nipple slip. I just threw up in my mouth thinking about that. If that's what the Teahadist watch for fun, it must suck to have no cable TeeVee, something we liberal, commie pinkos enjoy along with our alcohol and fresh bread made at Whole Foods by Sergio the master baker.

    Cry me a fucking river Teatards over being characterized as Gorillias.

    • 102415

      Oh dear God, I love Sergio.

    • El Pinche

      At least Nancy Grace didn't cause tsunamis like Bristol and her thick moose meat packed trunks. Guess that's what happens when you lay around drinking winecoolers, eating mooseburgers, and getting barebacked by methbillies. I can't think of a more fertile environment for churning out babyt_rds.

    • Rotundo_

      Nancy revealing a bit of aureola is nothing. Listening to that self righteous ass for more than ten seconds is far more traumatizing. Bewbs could never make me wince like that woman's voice does.

  • poncho_pilot

    and just for everyone's unfortunate edification:
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=go

    • HistoriCat

      Jesus Christ – I did NOT need to read that.

      • LowProfileinGA

        I did; the day was shitty until I read that. No accounting for taste

    • 102415

      Well, what did you expect with all the santorum everywhere and the teabagging these people like to do?

      • poncho_pilot

        pretty much just gorilla masks, boston steamers, and indignation.

    • meufchelou

      Wait, don't you really, really have to prepare for that? Like shave and keep it all in a ziploc, ready for action? Whatever happened to going with the flow, sputum or whatever fluids are available?

      • DaRooster

        Aw, just rip out a handful… where's you sense of adventure?

  • HarryButtle

    Warner Todd Huston? I suppose plain old "Warner Huston" just isn't douchebaggy enough for him, so he uses the middle name, too.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      It's like him and Todd Palin are twin sons of different mothers.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      Since it's Big Hollywood, this is definitely a nom de douche. Warner, as in Jack; Todd, as in AO; and Huston, as in John. Of course, that's way too esoteric for a Tea Bagger, so it must be his real name.

    • chicken_thief

      He uses it so as not to be confused with the other famous Warner Huston – Warner Chad Huston.

    • GOPCrusher

      Serial killers are also identified with their middle name.
      Coincidence?

    • Tundra Grifter

      Yes – who wouldn't go out of his way to be called "Todd?"

      • bagofmice

        A short Irish man? A wee little Todd

  • Billmatic

    "hought it would be a hoot to make fun of over half the voters in America with an attack on how he thinks Tea Party activists smell."

    This guy seems to be posting from an alternate universe. I'm definitely glad I don't live in his universe!

    • Chichikovovich

      I think he means that over half the voters in America live in a country where the Tea Party exists, and he's teasing those voters by reminding them. A pretty cruel joke, if you ask me, but maybe I'm too sensitive.

      • RavenRant

        Trigger Warning: Tea Part reference. Give us second to change channels to avoid the ensuing nausea.

    • SorosBot

      Considering that according to at least one poll the teabaggers have become the most hated group in America, bypassing the perennial most-hated atheists and Muslims, he is being really over-optimistic, and the Queer Eye guy should have made the vast majority of Americans laugh.

      • Billmatic

        This is obviously one of those double standards that makes it so hard to be a white heterosexual male in America, and as we all know that's already super hard. You know, the gay guy can make fun of the Tea Party but they can't make fun of the gay because racism.

        • RavenRant

          Just like they "can't" boo the gay soldier because of patriotism. Oh, wait…

    • comrad_darkness

      He's correct in that it will be over half the voters, after the tea party finishes voter suppression projects on 3/4 of the democrats.

  • savethispatient

    It's ironic, as every time I read about the economy, I think, "You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"

    • Chichikovovich

      Similar to what I think, which is "Get your stinkin' paws off my economy, you damn dirty ape … um …mask smell exuder!"

      • Doktor Zoom

        Ooh! Rock me, Dr. Zaius!

  • tihond

    It took alot of work to get the wine cooler smell out.

  • fuflans

    ok teabagger feet, used depends nancy grace's nipples and GORILLA MASK * this is the grossest posting in ages.

    way to represent wonkette.

    * thank you for that poncho.

    • poncho_pilot

      i try to be my best.

  • WhatTheHeck

    If you are very quiet and look beyond all the parked Hoverounds, you will observe Tea Partiers in the mist in their natural habitat. They are very loud, have their own unique odor and have a brain the size of a pea. They have only recently become homo erectus on account of the species being around for only 5,000 years.

    • Chichikovovich

      Huh, huh.huh…. Beavis, he said "homo".
      Yeah, Yeah, and then he said "erectus".

    • RavenRant

      homo hoveroundus – related to homo erectus, but not erect.

      • kissawookiee

        Formerly thought to be subspecies H. erectus viagri, but turns out that was just Rush.

        • Tommmcattt

          Homo flaccus obesus

          • AlterNewt

            Proto-evolvus interruptus

  • BlueStateLibel

    "…what do you Tea Partiers think?"

    Fat, ugly, hideous Teabaggers respond in unison: "Kill them all!"

  • YouBetcha

    Did she have her old face or her new face when she was on Dancing With The Never Beens? I bet the new face smells April fresh.

  • Eve8Apples

    Just imagine the smell if Rick Santorum had worn that monkey outfit.

  • prommie

    Smells like teen skank.

  • DaRooster

    "It smells like a tent sex party in here."

  • HistoriCat

    It's the only word Andy can slur out when he's really sloshed.

  • prommie

    Smells like Mike Hunt.

    • NPRadiotherapy®

      Or Mike Hawk.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Do Tea Parties smell like wine coolers, baby wipes and "Primo" Gucci imposter body spray? Cause I bet Bristol does.

    • prommie

      Tea parties smell like the burnt rubber smell of corsetry thats been through the dryer a few times, with a splash of Jean Nate'

      • FakaktaSouth

        Like menthol cigarettes, Sharpies and Loves Baby Soft…

        • prommie

          Sounds like Eliott. TS, or Chris, I am not sure which.

          • FakaktaSouth

            The one from ET. Definitely.

    • Barb

      I snorted when I laughed over "Primo" Gucchi imposter body spray, thanks! She thinks "Gucci" is pronounced "cootchie"

    • crybabyboehner

      Bristol will soon be marketing a new "scent": Cannery Row.

  • History's Greatest Monster.

    • NPRadiotherapy®

      Kressley is the perfect mask for this Halloween. My Stalin mask is getting a little tired.

      • bagofmice

        Goddamned mustache rides.

  • DaRooster

    Why are the tea-baggers watching DWTS (stars… ha… that's friggin' hilarious) don't they realize that Chaz is gonna shove their kids off of the fence into trans-genderness?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Given that the Founders were pretty rank, by today's standards, I assume that an actual 'bagger would consider this a compliment.

  • GhostBuggy

    "Whatever Anna or ABC thinks of it the bigger questions is, what do you Tea Partiers think?"

    At long last, must we continue to try to answer this question, media? Have we not shed enough sweat and tears in pursuit of this meaningless query into what we can only assume are the minds of a racist, rampaging mob of a fraction of a minority of Americans?

  • NPRadiotherapy®

    Sniff the crotch of the gorilla suit or GTFO.

    • bagofmice

      We are family!

  • baconzgood

    I would the Bristol would smell like that area between my thigh and my ball sack on a hot day.

    • prommie

      Get some jock itch going, first, that makes for a heady aroma!

  • prommie

    My favorite line of all from Frank Zappa: "I have sniffed the reeking buns of Angel, and acted like it was cocaine."

  • HarryButtle

    With the lights out
    It’s less dangerous
    Here we are now
    We’re complainers
    We are stupid
    And contagious
    Here we are now
    We’re complainers

    Hover, hover, hover, hoverround
    Hover, hover, hover, hoverround

  • Chichikovovich

    "I wonder what dance partner Anna Trebunskaya, who was born in Russia, thinks about that?"

    Hmmmm…. well, she probably knows enough about the economy and social policies of the old Soviet Union to collapse into hoots of derisive laughter whenever someone calls Obama's policies "Communist" or Obama a "Marxist".

    • Tundra Grifter

      She probably laughs just as hard when she hears a right wing nut claim President Reagan won the Cold War by bankrupting the Soviet Union with excessive mlitary spending.

  • 102415

    I guess we will be getting the visitations from the great unwashed misery pushers over this shit.

  • chicken_thief

    "…one “Warner Todd Huston,” will THROW DOWN in the teabagger defense…"

    No. Anyone that goes by "Warner Todd" is NOT going to throw down.

    • RavenRant

      If "THROW DOWN" means whining like a sniveling little bitch on the internetz, he sure will.

  • CapnFatback

    Whatever Anna or ABC thinks of it the bigger questions is, what do you Tea Partiers think?

    Fuck that–whatever must the gay crossing guards think?!

    Interrobang?!

    • bagofmice

      U+203D

  • El Pinche

    "Why don't you stick your face in cookie dough and make some gorillas cookies!"
    -Fred Sanford to Aunt Esther

  • MaxNeanderthal

    Not Gorilla, too peaceable, too laid back. Not Bonobo, too much sex, every which way. But Chimpanzee-oh yes indeed, Prone to extreme violence, both intra and extra specific, lots of wanking, Can be taught to use simple tools, but holds grudges and subject to intense jealousy. Sound like anyone you know…

    • Chichikovovich

      I can't remember – are chimpanzees also among the poo-flinging primates?

      • MaxNeanderthal

        Especially if Tom Wolfe's at the Lincoln Centre…..

    • zhubajie

      Baboon. Think of the colors, the huge fangs.

  • Barrelhse

    The "gorilla" mask bears a stunning resemblance to Bristol's cunt, and reeks of FDS and halibut. Coincidence?……

  • genxr

    Remember the original tea party. Under British rule, everyone had to dress in a gorilla suit out of fear of persecution.

  • BZ1

    Why is being a European a sacrilege?

    • GOPCrusher

      They get free health care and have jobs.

    • RavenRant

      Especially since they think only those of European descent are 'Real Americans'. And only the right kind of Europeans, at that.

    • Barrelhse

      Teabaggers believe that Jesus put them in America straight from heaven; none of them have ancestry beyond their immediate family, anyway.

  • mavenmaven

    "Maybe Europeans? How about reds?"
    I don't think Europeans smell like reds, generally more like chardonnay.
    As to what teabaggers smell like, well, Depends.

  • baconzgood

    "Give to the Gorilla Girl GOBS AND GOBS of love"

    -The Dead Milkmen-

    • Barrelhse

      I'm sad those milkmen died.

    • poncho_pilot

      took her out to a picnic at a Girl Scout Jamboree…

  • anniegetyerfun

    I've always found Democrats to smell like sad.

    • genxr

      We make the sad face too.

    • Steverino247

      That's what obsessing about fairness will do to you.

  • NPRadiotherapy®

    Poor Bristle, this is worse than when she got drunk and Levi "raped" her.

  • Wonderthing

    I'll punch yer fucking lights out you gorilla smelling ocelot. I'll settle your hash you feces flinging monkey brain. I'll cool your drink and I'll warm your dinner. I'll retreat to my man cave and eat hash brownies all over your ass. SO there.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Is that guy a homosexual? I can tell he is.

    • Chichikovovich

      Better ask Bristol just to be sure.

  • Ohforcripessake

    I wonder if her chin will fit into that gorilla mask now?

    • Barrelhse

      Only if she wipes up that chowder dripping from the corner of her mouth

      • GhostBuggy

        That ain't chowder…

  • MLite

    Oh noes! Da Gayz are attacking REAL AMURICANS ™!

  • genxr

    My favorite part:

    "I wonder how ABC will take attacking so much of its audience?"

    He just out and admits that teabaggers make up a large portion of the DWTS audience. That's the saddest thing I ever heard.

    • __kth__

      But almost certainly true. Also a large percentage of American Idol watchers/voters (c.f. Taylor Hicks).

  • MissusBarry

    Thank you…this nearly caused the demise of my keyboard courtesy of laughter-induced pop explosion.

    • PalinzADummy

      Oh, darlin', you KNOW I'd never do that shit to you on PURPOSE!

  • Tundra Grifter

    You Wonketteers have let me down on this one! "Tea Parties" used to be held in the second floor bathrooms of San Francisco's Embarcadero Center. Then the management locked the gay boys out.

    • genxr

      Sorry, I spent most of my time there on Haight Street.

      • Tundra Grifter

        I'm surprised you can remember where you were, if you were on Haight. it is just as scruffy as it's been for the past thirty years.

  • Slim_Pickins

    I've heard of thin skinned, but no skin at all?

    • poncho_pilot

      i would expect extra crispy or at least original.

  • Dancing with the Stars was and always will be, a hate crime.

  • smitallica

    Memo to the Tea Party:

    A lot of people hate you. Most people, actually. But really, REALLY gay guys hate you about ten thousand times more. So fuck off and deal with it.

  • smitallica

    And what's that old saying? "Completely remove their ignorant racist asses from your political discourse if they can't take a joke."

  • Doktor Zoom

    Seeing this horrific slur upon the character of a great swath of humanity, I could only be reminded of the promulgation of the Nuremburg Codes. #Hoekstra

    • PuckStopsHere

      Best. Meme. Of All Time.

  • a_pink_poodle

    Europeans smell like lavender :)

    • iburl

      Is "Lavender" French for "Body Odor"?

  • JackObin

    Smell The Mitt.

  • Doktor Zoom

    "They's a lot of fellas wanta know what reds is." He laughed. "One of our boys foun' out." He patted the piled earth gently with his shovel. "Fella named Hines?got 'bout thirty thousand acres, peaches and grapes?got a cannery an' a winery. Well, he's all a time talkin' about 'them goddamn reds.' 'Goddamn reds is drivin' the country to ruin,' he says, an' 'We got to drive these here red bastards out.' Well, they were a young fella jus' come out west here, an' he's listenin' one day. He kinda scratched his head an' he says, 'Mr. Hines, I ain't been here long. What is these goddamn reds?' Well, sir, Hines says, 'A red is any son-of-a-bitch that wants thirty cents an hour when we're payin' twenty-five!' Well, this young fella he thinks about her, an' he scratches his head, an' he says, 'Well, Jesus, Mr. Hines. I ain't a son-of-a-bitch, but if that's what a red is?why, I want thirty cents an hour. Ever'body does. Hell, Mr. Hines, we're all reds.'"

    • poncho_pilot

      best.

  • owhatever

    Why was he smelling Brisket's sweaty old jock strap in the first place? He's either sick or under court order.

  • glamourdammerung

    So a Breitard is whining about how people on television need to be politically correct and not offend the teabaggers fragile widdle feelings?

  • ttommyunger

    I'm just guessing here, but I would say that little cutie would know a strong odor if he smelled one, considering…..

  • valgal2342

    Ah fuck the Tea Partiers, they're yesterday's turds. But I take ballroom dance classes and I'll admit it right here right now, I watch DWTS! Hey, we got to see Nancy Grace's boulder boob fall out of her "costume" and George Clooney's ex get the ax. Teeee Veee at it's greatest (low)! We girls gather to watch and you'd think it was the WWF! So there! Woof!

    • RavenRant

      I wish there was an edited version with only dancing and no talking. Also, no Nancy Grace, with or without nip slip.

  • comrad_darkness

    Teabaggers are sacrosanct! How dare he?

  • NPRadiotherapy®

    So Mrs. Radio is out of town and I strolled over to the Breitard post….ZOMG.
    KBJ didn't include the first sentence from the typing tumor:

    Even Dancing is not safe from left-wing attacks on Tea Partiers, sadly. Last night on the venerable dance show, fashion makeover maven Carson Kressley thought it would be a hoot to make fun of over half the voters in America with an attack on how he thinks Tea Party activists smell.

    hahahaha, the "venerable" teevee show and 61% of America now teabags.

    Also, if you should visit that hellhole, I noticed something else quite interesting. There are more than a few reverse trolls arguing vehemently, and often charmingly, with those concrete, simpleton teatards. Whereas, here, trolls are few and far between and are usually dismantled quickly. Especially, since we've been de-downfisted.

  • the reds always smelled like the quaaludes to me… but I never really smelled them for very long before it was down the hatch!

  • Beck_is_Trig

    I always assumed teabaggers smell like scooter flop sweat residue from a long day's 'ridin' in the Florida sun. The female ones smell like rotted fish decomposing on a seat made of cheap nylon with a slight hint of battery-smell from the scooter batteries. Or are my assumptions while factually correct too literal (and therefore gross)?

  • Redhead

    "The BIGGER question is what do tea partiers think…"

    Heh heh heh.

    • valgal2342

      "What do tea partiers think….." Bwaaaaa haaaaaa! Hon, they don't think….they scoot, poot, toot and….Santorum.

      • Redhead

        Yeah but he sure got the BIGGER part right – those fuckers are huge!

  • Smells like Cherry Chapstik with perhaps just a soupçon of three day-old spunk.

  • rickmaci

    Did you ever notice that sex driven serial killers all go by three names? If I were that wardrobe guy, I would be real careful about pissing off Warner Todd Huston. Just an opinion but nevertheless…

Previous articleWonkette Interviews the Peaceful Park Dweller Hippie Fiends!
Next articleFlorida Launches First Pie In Nat’l Slapfight Over GOP Primary Calendar