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Rand Paul Takes Brave, Lonely Pro-Explosion Stance On Gas Pipelines

Maybe this is what Rand Paul looks like naked. Maybe Rand Paul is a never nude.Hm, let’s see, what normal, boring, uncontroversial public safety measure can some branch of the Paul family tree make hilarious through his comical lone opposition to “people not being incinerated in fiery explosions all the time?” This time: the entire Senate, nay, the entire world, is trying to expedite the passage of an industry-supported bill to make some baseline improvements on federal safety regulations for gas pipelines that keep blowing up, but Rand “The Lesser” Paul just has to be the petulant pants-hating clown blocking All of Democracy to prove his standard-issue teatard point that a handful of human lives is a small price to pay for a couple dozen less federal regulators. 

The San Francisco Chronicle reports:

“Sen. Paul doesn’t think new regulations and the creation of dozens of bureaucratic positions should be swept through without sufficient debate and vote,” said his spokeswoman, Moira Bagley.

Paul has used his Senate privileges to put a hold on the Pipeline Transportation Safety Improvement Act of 2011, which blocks further action on the bill despite nearly unanimous bipartisan support in Congress for toughening federal regulations.

Meanwhile, the horrifying details of the report on the pipeline explosion in California last year that killed eight people and prompted the call for new federal regulations:

The [National Transportation Safety Board] found that the San Bruno explosion on Sept. 9, 2010, was inevitable because a seam weld in the pipeline would have failed even a visual inspection when it was installed by PG&E in 1956. The board also found that PG&E failed for more than 50 years to conduct an inspection that would have detected it, compounded the danger by poor record keeping and finally botched a repair and failed to recognize what had happened until the neighborhood was in flames.

It gets said every once in a while, but it’s probably time to think again about reforming Senate privilege rules, maybe, oh just maybe? [San Francisco Chronicle]

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    1. LiveToServeYa

      Yes, you'd think he be all for pants to protect others from his explosive gas. But I guess being a libertarian means you have negative empathy.

    1. MARCdMan

      Self-snarking to people with a modicum of brains. Unfortunately this is the US where even that is lacking, hence these fools get legitimately elected to press their idiotic agendas.

  1. edgydrifter

    The blowed-up people can individually sue the multinational energy conglomerates for damages, uh, unless those tort reform provisions go through… so, hey! They can choose not to buy gas from the companies that are incinerating their children. Yeah! Free Market RULZ!!

    1. Nothingisamiss

      'Xactly. If the people in California wanted safety inspections that they didn't know were non existent, they could've used another company (although, no, they couldn't have) and that would have FORCED the energy conglomerate to listen to the concerns of small number of people, and this wouldn't have happened.

      Stupid consumers for picking the wrong company. Why, they could've FORCED regulations!

  2. MildMidwesterner

    Re: alt text

    I can't confirm whether or not Rand Paul is a never nude, but I can say that he once blue himself to get an acting job.

  3. Doktor Zoom

    If people choose to live near a gas pipeline, they should inspect the pipeline themselves. Why do we need a federal nanny state to do it for them?

    BRB; I live in the flight path of an airport, and I need to go make sure the planes landing there don't have any loose rivets.

    1. genxr

      It's like Grover Norquist said, "Show me a man with a conceal carry permit, backhoe, and high pressure testing equipment, and I'll show you a man who doesn't need the government for anything."

    2. Nothingisamiss

      Shit, doctor, I didn't even think of this. Why is it even the company's responsibility to respond to big government safety regulations at all?!

      The free market will solve all our problems!!

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        That should be the job of the private corporation that launched the satellite to monitor the ozone layer.

  4. orygoon

    A real man of the people, by the people–oh, somebody help me out. And by that, I mean dig a deep hole and push this guy into it.

  5. PuckStopsHere

    Wait just A MINUTE there, missy. This is the world's greatest deliberative body we're talking about here. "Reforming Senate privilege rules," indeed. Rand Paul would walk through a wall of fire (from a burst gas pipeline in an ideal world) wearing a gasoline suit before he would stand for that. And all of us fervently wish that he would.

  6. orygoon

    I have to go to Texas next week. When all of my friends ask me where is a safe haven for them to flee to, the first thing I will tell them is "not Kentucky".

      1. Negropolis

        Well, eastern Kentucky has been the refuge of every moonshiner ever to exist. They should just call it Far West Virginia. Seriously, the place is still pretty lawless.

  7. Indiepalin

    Senator Paul also opposes job-killing federal regulations that would limit moonshine explosions at the State's hundreds of thousands of stills, thus protecting the constitution.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        When you criminalize meth labs, only criminals have meth labs.
        So let's make 'em legal. The same seedy scumbags will operate them, but now you get to call them "entrepreneurs" and" job creators"!

  8. johnnyzhivago

    Paul stands for RESPONSIBILITY!!!

    PG&E should be getting an award for installing a pipeline that worked flawlessly for 50 years. Besides, the blame should go with the residents – who needs a "government" inspector when you can just pickup the phone and call when you smell gas in your neighborhood!!!

    1. grex1949

      Except for the pesky fact that the odorizer added to natural gas leaches out before the gas reaches the surface if the leaking line is buried sufficiently deep underground.

    2. nanooknw

      Who ya gonna call…if the rabid bunny of the apocalypse has anything to do with it.
      There will be no one to call.

  9. Mojopo

    Dear God – it's me Mojopo. Please give me severe gastric distress and strand me in an elevator with Rand Paul for hours. I want him to see what a leaking pipeline is really all about. I will eat as many cantaloupes and black beans as it takes.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      As long as they're not Colorado Cantaloupes. Thos Coloradans don't want no FDA inspectors to keep the listreria out of your food.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, at least these citizens can take comfort that their Freedom™ and Liberty™ were not impinged upon, as they and their house are blown to kingdom come.

    Dick. Head.

  11. JustPixelz

    It's a great day in Wonkette!

    Paul wants to assert that business will efficiently self-regulate because it's in their interest. How? Presumably because they don't want lose customers due to bad publicity after an explosion. Like gas companies have to worry about losing customers. Or because they don't want to get sued. But they hate lawsuits, trial lawyers and love "tort reform".

    Instead of industry-wide safety requirements framed by democratically elected representatives, the Randianites would rather let a jury of twelve or "the market" decide what is malfeasance and its cost/value. This is where someone brings up McDonalds hot coffee. (That story is more complicated than a crazed jury BTW.)

    1. mumbly_joe

      Instead of industry-wide safety requirements framed by democratically elected representatives, the Randianites would rather let a jury of twelve government-imposed statutary caps that limit the amount of damages someone can claim […] decide what is malfeasance and its cost/value.

      FTFY. Randianism has nothing to do with liberty to live free of coerscion, and even less to do with the market operating free of interference. It's simply about maximizing profits for business while eliminating any responsibility they have not to poison and kill the people around them. And using the power of law to accomplish this, when the aforementioned principles would point a different direction.

  12. chascates

    Death by a horrible conflagration is faster than death by a thousand regulations. And far, far more painful.

  13. powersuit

    Let's say 80 of the 100 senators live and breath for their special bullshit privileges, because they're "protecting democracy" or "integral to careful consideration" or whatever other hogwash emanates from the mouths of McConnell and Reid (sorry Ds). It must be in the air there. The irony, of the non-hipster variety, is that Rand Paul loves this crap. Mr. "outside-the-beltway", Mr. "rulebreaker", Mr. "I'm such a Libertarian individual that I WILL wear shorts with my blazer and tie". What a tosser.

  14. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    If Aquabuddha didn't want gas pipe lines to explode, they wouldn't explode. End of discussion.

  15. Mahousu

    Seems to me like the free market is handling this just fine. All the pipelines that are defective, sooner or later they blow up and people stop using them. Give the invisible hand enough time, and all we'll be left with are good pipelines.

    Plus a few hundred craters scattered around the country, but maybe we can turn them into tourist attractions or something.

  16. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Next thing you know, government is going to want to regulate doctors, to make sure they are competent. And then we are truly a Communist dictatorship.

  17. HistoriCat

    Kirsten – can we all agree that "Rand Paul" and "nude" should never EVER appear in the same sentence? KTHXBAI

  18. chicken_thief

    This is good news for the Department of Education and the EPA!!! Now if a R wins the WH the National Transportation Safety Board will become their new whipping boy. Get yer food stamps now, NTSB employees! Ha, ha, like they'll still be around in a "free market" USA!

  19. OneYieldRegular

    He will not go behind his father's saying
    And he likes having thought of it so well
    He says again, "Good fences make good neighbors."

  20. Doogie_Fresh

    "…it’s probably time to think again about reforming Senate privilege rules…" — not until the Democrats are in the minority again. THEN the R's will enact Senate rule changes "nuking" the filibuster and the "individual Senator hold" priviledge. Gawd, why won't Harry Reid just do this now?!

  21. PsycWench

    Isn't one senator blocking an effort with bipartisan support sort of, I don't know, not in the spirit of the Constitution?
    My daughter had a homework assignment about the Constitution that I helped with, and I swear to God I had forgotten that part about the common welfare.

  22. prommie

    Its against our Constitutional Liberties to require safety standards for pipelines! Building codes are a restriction on our precious liberties! Food safety regulations are slavery! No more public roads, no more public parks!

    See, you cannot parody this massive dipshit, because he truly, honestly, really would agree with all of these batshit insane statements.

    1. Beowoof

      This type of stuff has been damaging to the Onion. With such dumb shit pouring out of their pie holes, real headlines now appear as if they are from the Onion,.

        1. Beowoof

          Oh believe me, what is scary is the number of people that I work with in a public institution that think the bullshit these guys are running is damn sensible stuff. They are literally voting themselves out of their jobs. Retirement, probably before they fuck me in the next contract.

  23. proudgrampa

    Of COURSE companies can regulate themselves and implement safety procedures.

    Tell that to the people of Bhopal.

    The Senator is a Dick.

  24. orygoon

    Wait–isn't this the ophthalmologist who, when the real accrediting agency for that kind of doc was about to unaccredit him, made up his own accrediting "authority"? So he wasn't really board certified.

    I can see why he has a problem with "inspectors" and that sort of thing.

  25. bureaucrap

    His commitment to industrial safety is why he named his kid "Bo"

    (get it? Bhopal? Thank you ladies and gents, I'll be here all week.).

    1. Indiepalin

      Like when, back in the eighties, Dodger second baseman Steve Sax named his son after starter Orel Hersheiser.

  26. prommie

    I guess I need to translate this, you see, I am the Libertarian Whisperer, I can hear what they are really saying, what they are thinking, when they emit these insane sounds. "Who are they to tell me I'm too dumb to go to medical school, I'll show those motherfuckers who turned me down, and those fuckers who sneered at my Carribean Med School degree, ha ha, I am a senator now, you fuckers, noone can tell me what I can and can't do anymore, fuck all of you."

    Its all very personal to this little peckerhead dipshit.

    1. FNMA

      I have, unfortunately, met a number of libertarians of this ilk and every single one of them is a loser who blames his (they are exclusively white males) inability to hold his shit together with Crazy Glue on parasites who lack the vision to recognize their singular genius.
      In other words, peckerhead dipshits.

  27. donner_froh

    It gets said every once in a while, but it’s probably time to think again about reforming Senate privilege rules, maybe, oh just maybe?

    You must be one of those terrorist supporting Amerikkka haters who endorse class war.

  28. fartknocker

    I guess Senator Abercrombie & Fitch Pants Man apparently forgot why the Office of Pipeline Safety was created. OPS was spun off from the Department of Transportation because of the June, 1999 incident in Bellingham, WA in which 250,000 gallons of gasoline leaked from a pipeline and ignited, killing 3 people, destroyed 11 buildings and damaged 1 1/2 miles of a creek.

    I find it amazing that these Teatards think they are experts on the Constitution but can't cite the basis and reason for Federal safety programs. Senator Fashion Statement is probably against the Mine Safety and Health Administration because a few Kentucky coal miners with black lung disease is just the cost of doing business. An offshore platform has a fire, explosion and dumps a 1 million barrels of crude oil in the Gulf of Mexico is in the words of Rick Perry, "an act of God."

    1. genxr

      because a few every single one of them over the age of 40 Kentucky coal miners with black lung disease is just the cost of doing business.


        1. Jukesgrrl

          Yes, not only do they create jobs for the medical profession, they also create jobs for lawyers since every one of them has to sue to get his benefits.

  29. Flat_Earther

    People have the right tho blow themselves up. It is not good government to stand in the way. If a pipeline blows up the market will fix it.

  30. SayItWithWookies

    It's okay if a few people die — Rand Paul is doing what he thinks is right. And we all know that's more important than doing what's sensible or clearly necessary.

  31. DahBoner

    I see Rand Paul follows the Maestro's advice, and never puts his pants on until the last minute.

    Who likes wrinkled pants on a Billionaire Shill, huh?

  32. CommieLibunatic

    Besides the obvious reason of "to keep us in positions of power and wealth, suckas," why should we even elect these guys who want to erode the government again?


  33. poncho_pilot

    needs an itemized list of everyone who died in the explosion and why it's their own damn fault because they paid into social security or their sister is a librarian or they have a drivers license, etc.

    oh wait! this is real life and not an Ayn Rand novel. go fuck yourself, Paul.

  34. fuflans

    this is kinda off topic, but back on guy fawkes day i went to a party that suggested you bring effigies you wanted to burn.

    i brought that picture of rand on a popsicle stick.

    oh wait! and he burned!! so not OT at all…

  35. valgal2342

    Now you're talkin' about my state….oh wait….outside of Louisville, (Go Cards!)…well, ok you're right.

  36. Troubledog

    A hundred years ago, when poorly maintained public works claimed the lives of Americans, they would turn to their church for support. I just don't see a need for more job killing regulations here.

    Those people could have chosen not to live near a natural gas pipeline, but they knew the risks. They could live in another place without utilities if they want to be safer so it's their choice and they assume the risks. If you want to live in a city, things like this will happen, but it doesn't mean we should all pay more for utilities just because a few people got set on fire.

    I mean, more people were killed by dog attacks last year and you don't see anybody running around about new dog regulations.

    Does it to you?

  37. lulzmonger

    Aqua Buddha needs to call his disciple home.

    Gas leaks out, homes blow up – you can't explain that … as long as you know nothing about just how mercenary & cold-blooded energy conglomerates are, I mean.

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